A friends daughter died yesterday. way to soon, cancer.
never again will Caroline or her husband hold their daughters hand; hug her; kiss her; smell her.....my heart breaks for them......I do not understand sooooo much.......this weekend has been so full of my own dark thoughts, I finally just have to get some out.......
I love my children, I am hurt from their behaviors, or lack thereof toward me. this hurt has plagued me with a pain I have never endured, a hopelessness, that sucks the air out of me, and then, a friends daughter dies.
I cannot stand the thought of never being able to resolve this gulf between me and my children. so please if I should die before i figure out how to fix it, please tell them I loved them both dearly, more than anyone else in my life, I did the best I could. and get the fuck over it......
maybe that last bit is for me. get over it, get the fuck over it !
life is going on at a rapid speed, I don't even try to keep up any more,
I have not slept since I came to Sequim, 15 nights ago.
lots gets dredged up in the wee hours and then I have to figure a way to live with these newly remembered truths ......sometimes the horror it brings makes me cry and cry ....how does a young mind hide something so completely? and why once remembered, does it have to play through my head over and over on some sick loop??? never to be reburied
welcome Danny.
focus on the good things.......deal with the notso good things, ....live life, don't hide from it. Love people from a distance if you must....but love as many up close, as you can.
Kindness & Manners matter!
never again will Caroline or her husband hold their daughters hand; hug her; kiss her; smell her.....my heart breaks for them......I do not understand sooooo much.......this weekend has been so full of my own dark thoughts, I finally just have to get some out.......
I love my children, I am hurt from their behaviors, or lack thereof toward me. this hurt has plagued me with a pain I have never endured, a hopelessness, that sucks the air out of me, and then, a friends daughter dies.
I cannot stand the thought of never being able to resolve this gulf between me and my children. so please if I should die before i figure out how to fix it, please tell them I loved them both dearly, more than anyone else in my life, I did the best I could. and get the fuck over it......
maybe that last bit is for me. get over it, get the fuck over it !
life is going on at a rapid speed, I don't even try to keep up any more,
I have not slept since I came to Sequim, 15 nights ago.
lots gets dredged up in the wee hours and then I have to figure a way to live with these newly remembered truths ......sometimes the horror it brings makes me cry and cry ....how does a young mind hide something so completely? and why once remembered, does it have to play through my head over and over on some sick loop??? never to be reburied
oldest and youngest members of my blood tribe
focus on the good things.......deal with the notso good things, ....live life, don't hide from it. Love people from a distance if you must....but love as many up close, as you can.
Kindness & Manners matter!