My Helth

I am surprizd by how menny of yoo cats are asking abowt my helth -- spesifikly abowt how my pee problim is doing. So heer's the update:

1. No more ubstrukshuns. No more vet trips.


2. They've bin forsing me to stay inside at nite wich at ferst I detested, but now I'm a regyuler nitetime inside cat. Skeez' got a lot of good nip for his berthday, and he's very nice to share it with me. And he's gotten me to play with him. I haven't played sinse Joonyer wint away. Joonyer was Mao's bruther hoo Skeez' "replayst". Joonyer was my best frend. He was the ferst cat hoo playd with me, and we became best frends. We'd cuddul up and sleep together. He was the gratest. Then something happend, and Joonyer wuzn't heer any more. That made me deprest, and that's win I desided to go bak to being a fulltime owtside cat, and I didn't play anymore. Skeez came to liv with us, and he wunted to play, but I wuz too deprest over Joonyer to play with Skeez' (hoo frankly, got on my nervs), and I never saw him much becuz he was an inside cat, and I was an owtside cat. So win my pee problim got bad and I was forst to stay inside, I had to spend more time with the wite rat. He got me playin agin. It's nice. I like playin'. It's fun. I git so nipped owt that I literully clime the walls win I play with Skeez. I'm FRISKY. We like to chase eech other fast thru the howse. It makes me purrr.


3. They put medisin goop on my eers for my thigh roids problim. I have no ideeyuh why they put it on my eer, and not my thighz. I also have no ideeyuh why "thigh" has a "gh" on the end.


4. I won't know until I get crammed into the cardbord prizzin box win I go to the vet next. Maybe never. Maybe today. I just don't know. They won't tell me becuz they think I'll run away if I know. Thare rite.

Thank yoo all fer yer consern. It's nice. THE END --- RtGC

PS: Heer's sum pikchurs of me with my best frend Joonyer:

Rocky: 1 Shon: 0

Skore one for the Rockster today. The meen lady stuft me in the kardbord box and took me in the bloo masheen to the vet man. He rubbed goo on my belly and did an ultrasownd, and then he took owt pee and then they torcherd me with a needul. It sukt.

But just as I fooled them into thinking I wuz a plasid mellow fellow, I wint into Ninja mode and nayled Shon the vet man's helper reel good with my clawz and made him bleed bukkets of blud. I bared my teeth. It felt good. I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it any more.

Thare's nuthin rong with me. I am strong like Hercyooleez!

THE END --- RtGC

Whut a Weekend....

Saterday wuz Skeezie's berthday. It was fun. I wuz the bartender. Trip helped me out so I cood take brakes to pee in the mulch, wich I have to do a lot. I got to hit on Sadie, hoo is hot. She looks almost igzaktly like me. Trip barfed on my feet. He thot being the bartender ment yoo cood drink evry time yoo servd a drink. He's pritty stoopid. So, the party was reely good.

But yesterday I started feeling bad. I tride to pee and coodn't. And it hert. A LOT. I cood barely ketch my breth it hert so much. So I yowld and tride to pee and yowld and tride to pee and it wuz very distressing. I'd drank a lot of water, abowt five galuns, and I HAD TO PEE!!! But nothin wood come out. So the lady and the man pakt me back up in that awful kardbord box and put me in the bloo masheen that livs in my gutter and the drove me to a place I'd never bin before. Mr Tasty Face drove reely fast. The lady kept saying it wuz like Mr Tode's Wild Ride. I don't know whut that is, but it was scarey. He drove on a reely winding rode thru a kanyun and I know it was winding becuz win he wint arownd a wind-ey part, my box fell over on its side and the lady yelled at the man, and then he'd go arownd anuther wind-ey part reely fast, and the box fell over on its other side, and it was probly like being in a washing masheen, only dry (unforchewnitly). So the lady krolled over and got my box frum the bak seet and put it on her lap, wich was much better. I started to relax a littul, and then I peed all over the lady's lap. That made her happy. Then we got to the place they took me.

It was fresh and new and kleen. It's called an emerjincey vet. It's open win the other vet-mans are goofing off at home. They took the pee out of me. It was red. It was not a plezint proceedyur. They gave me a shot. I think it wuz like the morfeen they gave Rosie and Cheeto's lady win she had the kid-me problim. It made the hurting go away mostly. After a wile, they put me bak in the kardbord box and put me and the kardbord box bak on the lady's lap in the bloo masheen and we wint home. They watcht me reel close and lokt me in the cat bedroom without the other cats to bug me. That was okay. In the morning, they were happy that I peed in the nite. They put sum barfy medisin in my mouth that keeps the hurt away. I'm a littul disorientid. They don't want me to go outside so they can watch me. It suks to be me. THE END - RtGC

It suks to be me, PT 2

No brekfist this morning, and then before I new it, they put me in a box and drove me to the torchur place agin. I peed in the box just to show them. At the torchur place they spent most of the day cheking my pee. Then they stuk needuls in me and I past owt frum the ordeel. Win I woke up, my gums hert. Then they stuk more needuls in me. Then the lady came. I skreemd "TAKE ME HOME TAKE ME HOME." I sed sum bad werds that are on Skeezix's bad werd list, too. The lady sed that for all the munny they spent, I shood werk on improoving my persunality so that I'm injoyabul to be arownd. Skrew them. The lady and the man were happy that I didn't have kid me problims. I never kid anybuddy, so I don't know whut thare talking abowt. The old man sed I still have a problim with my thigh roids, wich I gess is like hemroids, only lower. Skrew him. My mouth herts and I'm still hungrey frum starving all nite and day and I need a drink of water, and I think my thighs look pritty good for a geezer cat. THE END -- RtGC

I peed in the Howse

Last nite, I peed in the ree-sikuling box. It's ware they put my male with credit card offers before they take it out to the gutter for me. Lately, I've been having to drink lots of water, wich of korse makes me have to pee a lot. I was in the house, but the man closed the door to the upstares so I coodn't git downstares to the cat box. So I went to tell the lady, but she just thot I was whining, wich I do a lot. So I climed in the ree-sikuling box and peed. I was emberussed, but whut was I supposed to do? The lady didn't git mad at me becuz she knew I coodn't help myself. She's nice that way. I was so emberussed, I reely wanted to stay outside, so the lady let me go outside, and she put my cushy bed with the warming pad on the porch for me. I like that better than sleeping in the howse. I don't like having to pee so much. I'm suppost to be the bartender for Skeezix's berthday party next week. I wunder if I can do it if I have to pee all the time? THE END --- RtGC