Sports

Sports

Dad Demands Youth Coach Play Unathletic Son Less

UKIAH, CA—Calling the blatant display of favoritism unfair to both his child and the other players on the field, local…

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Baseball, Sports

WWII Veteran Standing On Field Not Planned

KANSAS CITY, MO—Shuffling quietly near the third-base line as security officials scrambled to piece together a response, a frail uniformed World War II veteran standing…
Baseball, Sports

Yankees Appearance Policy Amended To Allow Extreme Body Modification

TAMPA, FL—Acknowledging that the organization’s famously clean-cut grooming standards had grown increasingly out of place in a league that has otherwise evolved to embrace personality…
Baseball, Sports

Terrified Adolis García Wondering If Anyone Else Can See Phillie Phanatic

PHILADELPHIA—Attempting to remain calm while the massive green creature gyrated on top of the dugout, a terrified Adolis García reportedly asked teammates Tuesday if anyone…
Sports

Carlos Alcaraz Withdraws From French Open Over Career-Threatening Haircut

MURCIA, SPAIN—Sending shock waves through the tennis world, world No. 2 Carlos Alcaraz officially withdrew from the French Open on Monday over a career-threatening haircut.…
Horse Racing, Sports

Racehorse Receives Carrot Every Time He Wins $2 Million For Owner
Sports

Table Tennis Champion Too Weak To Hoist Trophy Over Head

Hockey, Sports

Flyers Fans Not Sure Whether Gritty Supposed To Be Eating Live Bird

PHILADELPHIA—Expressing confusion over whether they were witnessing a sanctioned in-game antic or the feral behavior of a mascot gone rogue, Philadelphia Flyers fans reported Tuesday…
Basketball, Sports

Victor Wembanyama Returns From Concussion Speaking Fluent French
Football, Sports

‘7 Days,’ Hisses Little Girl On Phone Call Welcoming Draft Pick To Jets
Sports

UFC Broadcasters Look Like It
Basketball, Sports

Michael Rapaport Gives Knicks’ Celebrity Row Bedbugs

NEW YORK—Following a scene in which numerous high-profile attendees were observed violently clawing at their own skin, officials at Madison Square Garden acknowledged Wednesday that…
Baseball, Sports

All Marlins Walk-Up Songs Royalty-Free

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