23s

The number 23 carries some significance for me. Many of you will know that my son Isaac's birthday was the 23rd November and he died in 2021 aged 23. In the year following his death the number 23 started appearing in front of us frequently (I'm aware of confirmation bias and understand this was more liekly coincidence than cosmic but even so...). Eventually the three of us, me, Lou and Isaac's sister Eliza, decided in a fairly spur of the moment decision to all get a 23 tattooed on us. My 23 is on my left forearm and I see it all the time. 

23 has a pop culture significance too- William Burroughs highlighted the 23 enigma in the 1970s, it's central in Discordianism, has a significance in KLF mythology and to Throbbing Gristle and it occurs elsewhere- 23 Skidoo. If you've been keeping up with recent celebrity news you might be aware of the controversy around David and Victoria Beckham and their now estranged son Brooklyn. David wore number 23 when he left Manchester United, possibly in connection to Michael Jordan. When Isaac was very young, a baby, we were at the fairly recently opened Trafford Centre, an enormous shopping centre on the outskirts of Manchester and a ten minute drive from our house. As we pushed Isaac in his pram along the upper deck a couple with a pram passed us heading in the opposite direction- David, Victoria and Brooklyn. 

Four 23s have presented themselves to me in the last couple of weeks. Recently we found ourselves near the Trafford Centre again and called in at a popular fast food chain (don't judge me, we don't go there often but every now and then it fulfills a weird need)...

In the week either side of that a pair of musical 23s cropped up, the first was sent by my friend Ian, a nineteen minute long piece of soulful, minimal house music from the middle of last year titled Spirit Of 23 by Melchior Productions Ltd. It was new to me and very nice, a chilled and hypnotic way to spend twenty minutes.

The week after Ian sent that to me this came up via a friend on social media, a track from August last year by Auntie Flo (Brian D'Souza), Paradise 23, from his Birds Of Paradise album- Roland drum machines, vintage synths, birdsong, tropical ambient with grooves. 

Then, to turn a 23 trio into a quartet, Jesse sent me the photo at the top of this post just a few days ago. Four 23s so far in January 2026- and having noted all these coincidences this post then mainly came together in my head while driving home from work last Friday... 23rd January. 

Time Takes A While

Three years ago today we buried Isaac at Dunham cemetery. The recent anniversaries- his 26th birthday on 23rd November, the third anniversary of his death on the 3oth November- were heavy and gruelling, the weeks of build up as they loomed over us and then the days themselves. The anniversary of his funeral is a bit different, it doesn't feel as heavy somehow although I had a couple of twinges yesterday when it bumped up against my emotions. 

I was down at the cemetery on Sunday, just popping by to say hello and check the flowers were all still ok. It struck me that we've developed all sorts of little acts of remembrance in the three years since his funeral. The weekly visits to see him (and now when we go it doesn't feel like we're going to see him- at first it felt awful, a bottomless hole of grief, standing in a wind and rain blasted field staring at his plot, but the more we've been the more it's changed): the replacing of the flowers; the way that when they're in season I always want to have sunflowers in the vase next to him; the bringing back of trinkets and mementos from holidays for his grave; the association with the number 23; the thing with robins I wrote about last week; the busses that go past on the road in the distance; even the electricity pylons that cross overhead very close by and the pigs that live in the field behind the cemetery have become part of the whole. When we go to the grave I always touch his name on the headstone before leaving. All these have become mixed up in his death and in his grave. I'm not a religious person but I understand why people light candles in cathedrals. Acts of remembrance and little rituals that bring some kind of comfort. 

We played some songs for him at the funeral- North Country Boy by The Charlatans as we entered the chapel, You And Me Song by The Wannadies (Eliza's choice), Sketch For Summer by Durutti Column as a slideshow of photographs of him played, and then at the graveside Race For The Prize by The Flaming Lips and the Beatless mix of Sabres Of Paradise's Smokebelch. 

Isaac's Funeral Mix

I can listen to them all now, something I wasn't sure I'd be able to do three years ago- You And Me Song has the capacity to move me to tears and North Country Boy still packs a powerful punch but when I hear them I want to listen to them play in full, I don't reach for the off button. Three years on from that day it does feel like a lot of time has passed while seeming like it was just yesterday too. 

In 2023 Daniel Avery followed his Ultra Truth album with a seven track collection of B-sides and bonus material which included this beautiful piece of weightless ambient techno...

Time Takes A While

Twenty Six

Today, 23rd November 2024, should have been Isaac's twenty sixth birthday. Instead, he's twenty three forever. The build up to today through the last few weeks has been quite gruelling, today's date and next Saturday's (the anniversary of his death) hanging over us. It adds a heaviness to everything and there are times when I have quite vivid flashbacks of exactly what we were doing three years ago, his 23rd birthday and then the week that followed. 

He's always there in some ways, hanging around just out of view. I still hear him sometimes, very clearly saying things at or to me. Recently I went to see him at the cemetery and his headstone, which we had put in back in July, had bird shit all over his name. It was very dismaying, I was quite upset by it for a moment, and then I heard him say, 'there's bird poo on my name Dad' and chuckle- and I smiled. The only thing I had with me to clean it was my Woodleigh Research Facility tote bag so there I was, half upset and half smiling, scrubbing Isaac's headstone with an Andrew Weatherall related cloth bag dipped in water from the nearby standpipe. He'd have laughed at that too (and I think Andrew probably would have as well).

Happy birthday Isaac. Love you. X

This record has become one I associate with him. The copy in the picture below is actually Isaac's, bought for him by a friend of mine when he was born. North Country Boy was released in 1997, Isaac was born in 1998. Neil came round with this and a copy of The Clash's Train In Vain on 7" not long after Isaac got home from hospital in December 1998. Twenty three years later, we played it at Isaac's funeral. 

In September last year I saw The Charlatans at New Century Hall. They played Between 10th And 11th in full and then the hits and although I was bracing myself for the moment, it still hit deep when it came, those big guitar chords, walloping drums and Hammond riffs, and then Tim singing, 'Hey country boy/ what are you sad about?/Every day you make the sun come out...' 

It's amazing, the power music has, that magical combination of chords, banging, electricity and words- words that were written by someone else, about something else, that one day become about you... 

'Even in the pouring rain/ I'll come to see you'

You wouldn't believe how often we go to the cemetery in the rain- or how often we go to the cemetery and it starts raining. I mean, I know we live in Manchester but even so, it rains a lot up at that cemetery. There he is again. 'I don't like the rain Dad'.  

When we walked into the chapel at Isaac's funeral and this song was ringing out, I did for a moment think that I'd never be able to listen to it again, that it would be forever too much. Happily, it isn't. I hear it now and I think of him. 

'I'll be good to you/ If I could I'd make you happy/ If I had a boy I'd be good to my daddy/ Who loves you but I bet it's not the same/ As your north country boy'.

North Country Boy

An Hour At Tak Tent

Tak Tent Radio is a Scottish based internet radio station that broadcasts all manner of interesting, experimental, leftfield and niche shows by a variety of guests. I've contributed guests mixes for a few years now and last weekend the latest Bagging Area Tak Tent emission went out, my eleventh. You can listen to it at the Tak Tent website here or at Mixcloud here. It's a chilled out dubby/ ambient/ Balearic affair, mostly music released this year but with a vintage Andrew Weatherall and David Harrow track thrown in, their sole recording as Planet 4 Folk Quartet (for Warchild in 1995). 

• M- Paths: Emerge
• Planet 4 Folk Quartet: Message To Crommie
• Richard Norris: Pagan Dub
• Sewell & The Gong: Passing Oort Clouds (Justin Robertson’s Deadstock 33s Remix)
• Justin Robertson’s Deadstock 33s: Minus Shadows
• Psychederek: Hapi
• Spatial Awareness: Dream Food (SA Dub)
• Timothy J. Fairplay: Centurion Version
• Coyote: Every Forest Has A Shadow (Vanity Project Remix)
• KlangKollektor: Midnight Express
• Florecer: Hidden Thoughts

Forty Five Minutes Of The KLF

On Thursday 23rd November 2023 The KLF re- appeared with a website KLF Kare (providing 'branding solutions to independently owned care homes'), a song (a cover/ version/ premix of Harry Nillson's Everybody's Talkin' At Me, with Ricardo Da Force on vocals and a lengthy introductory sample from Top of The Pops. You can hear it here) and in Toxteth, Liverpool a night time event including the laying of bricks for The People's Pyramid, a procession across the Mersey and an afterparty at Future Yard in Birkenhead. 23rd November 2023 was always likely to be a day of KLF action, the number 23 being highly significant in KLF world and Discordianism and 23rd November being significant previously in KLF activities. 

The 23rd November was also Isaac's birthday and the age he was when he died. I've written before about 23 and Isaac, including the fact that I was reading John Higgs' book about the KLF when he died and how when I picked the book up a few weeks later, the first chapter I read was about the importance of 23 to The KLF and in Discordianism. When I woke up on Thursday, which was a really tough day all round, I found The KLF in my various social media feeds, the above 23 graphic jumping out at me. A couple of weeks ago a friend sent me a photograph of the famous KLF ice cream van, which turned up at a KLF event she attended, the number 23 emblazoned on its side. I left a comment on one of her posts, coincidentally (or not) 23 minutes after she posted it. Etc etc etc. 

Today's Sunday mix therefore suggested itself- demanded itself really. 

Forty Five Minutes Of The KLF

• I Believe In Rock 'n' Roll
• Jerusalem On The Moors
• Kylie Said To Jason (Full length Version)
• Justified And Ancient (Stand By The JAMs)
• 3 a.m. Eternal (Blue Danube Orbital)
• It's Grim Up North Part 1
• Last Train To Trancentral (White Room Version)
• What Time Is Love? Live At Trancentral (Radio Edit)

I Believe In Rock 'n' Roll is from Bill Drummond's solo album The Man, an album recorded and released by Creation in 1986 when he was 33.3 years old and ready for 'a revolution in my life'. This song is fairly self explanatory and contains lyrical and musical references that would appear in his public life thereafter- pedal steel guitar (Chill Out), Penkiln Burn (his website) and his belief that Elvis is king among them. 

Jerusalem On the Moors was the fourth track on the CD single release of It's Grim Up North, a weatherblasted orchestral take that fades into techno. It's Grim Up North was recorded as The Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu and released as a single in 1991, a list of northern towns set to industrial  techno, two men with the world at feet and the freedom to do whatever they wanted to. It's Grim Up North Part 1 is ten minutes long, starting out lyrically in Bolton and ending in Cleethorpes, taking in Barnsley, Nelson, Colne, Burnley, Bradford, Buxton, Crewe, Warrington, Widnes, Wigan, Leeds, Northwich, Nantwich, Knutsford, Hull, Sale, Salford, Southport, Leigh, Kirkby, Kearsley, Keighley, Maghull, Harrogate, Huddersfield, Oldham, Lancs, Grimsby, Glossop, Hebden Bridge, Brighouse, Bootle, Featherstone, Speke, Runcorn, Rotherham, Rochdale, Barrow, Morecambe, Macclesfield, Lytham St Annes, Clitheroe, Pendlebury, Prestwich, Preston, York, Skipton, Scunthorpe, Scarborough-on-Sea, Chester, Chorley, Cheadle, Hulme, Ormskirk, Accrington, Leigh, Ossett, Otley, Ilkley Moor, Sheffield, Manchester, Castleford, Skem, Doncaster, Dewsbury, Halifax, Bingley, Bramhall and the M62 in between. 

The KLF released Kylie Said To Jason in 1989, the only survivor from the pair's road trip film, The White Room, with the titular stars of Neighbours and SAW set to a track that is the full fruits of Drummond and Cauty's Pet Shop Boys obsession. It was designed to sell bucket loads of records and establish The KLF in the charts. It failed to make the top 100. 

Justified And Ancient was released as a single on 25th November 1991 and while typing this I see that this is today's date, thirty two years later, which wasn't planned but doesn't surprise me either. Do you need me to explain the genius of this song, of Tammy Wynette, stadium house, King Boy D, Rockman Rock and an ice cream van, all bound for Mu Mu Land? You do not. Bring the beat back. 

3 a.m. Eternal was The KLF's second monster, a top ten hit. This mix from the 12", the Blue Danube Orbital Mix, is by The Orb, a sound collage/ ambient house version and sounds like part of Chill Out that went missing and resurfaced, the Blue Danube waltz section in the middle the interruption to the chilled out bliss. 

Last Train To Trancentral was a single in 1990, released as per in multiple versions and mixes, Pure Trance, Live From The Lost Continent, Iron Horse and several others. This is The White Room version, from the album with rap from Ricardo da Force and vocals from Black Steel, Maxine Harvey and Wanda Dee. Trancentral is The KLF's spiritual home, a place they were bound for, Mu Mu Land, the lost continent. It was also their recording studio in Stockwell, south London (also Jimmy Cauty's squat)

I had to include What Time Is Love?, in many ways the definitive KLF song, a genuine acid house classic, one that straddles borders and slips into The Live At Trancentral Version came out in 1990, an extraordinary moment of brilliance as the sincere, surreal and chaotic world of Drummond and Cauty collided with mainstream culture and the stadium house trilogy went overground. The radio Edit here brings this mix in at just shy of forty five minutes and so would fit on one side of a c90 cassette. As the beats hammer away, the siren blares and the rave riff repeats, let me ask you a question... 

Forty Six Minutes Of Twenty Three

Two months ago this weekend, the day before we were taking Eliza back to Liverpool for her final year in university, the three of us were sitting in a cafe in Didsbury village, one of our afternoon walk and a brew haunts. Eliza said, out of nowhere, 'I think we should all go and get a number 23 tattoo for Isaac'. Lou and I looked at each other and both said, 'yeah. ok'. It was very spontaneous, none of us ever really thought abut getting a tattoo before. Me and Eliza had joked about but very much in a 'we won't ever do this' kind of way. But at that moment it suddenly seemed like a good thing to do. Unfortunately the tattoo parlour in Sale couldn't fit us in on the day so we booked in for a month later- it felt like something the three of us should do together and Eliza didn't want to come back from Liverpool for a while. It also gave us some time to think about fonts and parts of the body.

The number 23 has become associated with Isaac. I've written about it before this year. He was 23 when he died and his birthday is the 23rd November (just a couple of weeks away now with the 2nd anniversary of his death a week later). In the last year the number 23 has kept appearing in front of me- on street signs, graffiti, electricity boxes, random tv countdown shows suddenly channel surfed onto, the only available table in a pub. I don't think it necessarily means anything- it's just something I've started noticing and when I see a 23 now it makes me think of him and smile. Getting a 23 tattoo might trigger the same reaction (and a month later, I'm happy to say it does). We got the tattoos done a month ago. Mine is pictured above, a type writer font on my forearm. Lou got a smaller 23 on her side and Eliza got an even smaller, fine line 23 on her upper arm. 

The number 23 has a rich history. I've written before as well about it's part in KLF mythology, with their interest in Discordianism and numerology. When Isaac died I was reading John Higgs' book about The KLF. A few weeks after he died I picked the book back up and the first chapter I read was about the significance of 23. I finished the chapter and put the book down, totally freaked about. I read it again the next day and it had a similar effect. When I was looking at fonts for my tattoo I thought about a KLF block 23 but it would very inky and take some time to do. I fancied a type writer font. On the morning we were due to go I suddenly wondered what 23 would look like in a factory/ Peter Saville font and started going through my various Factory art books. What, I asked myself, was Fac 23? A quick search later and I realised Fac 23 was the 7" release of Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division. Which caused me to stop in my tracks for a moment. In the end I didn't quite go full Peter Saville Fac font but it played a part in my thinking. We're all really glad we got them done. At the moment, all autumn chilliness and long sleeves, its often covered up, but when I see it, it makes me smile. The upcoming anniversaries are weighing quite heavily and I'll be glad to get November over with- but the tattoos feel like a positive and I'm not sure a year ago I'd thought that would be possible. 

This mix is 46 minutes of songs connected to the number 23. I was going to bring it in at 23 minutes but that felt too short so went for double 23. Two of the songs below were also released in full 23 minute versions which felt too long for a Sunday mix but they're here in shorter versions to represent their 23 minute long brothers. 

46 Minutes Of 23

• Chris Rotter And The Bad Meat Club: 86'd
• 10:40: Sleepwalker
• Local Psycho And The Hurdy Gurdy Orchestra: The Hurdy Gurdy Song (Mothers Of The New Stone Age Remix)
• 23 Skidoo: Coup
• Jah Division: Jah Will Tear Us Apart
• The Vendetta Suite: Eye In The Triangle
• Two Lone Swordsmen: 23rd Street
• Mogwai: U235
• Gorillaz: Aries
• Psychic TV: Godstar
• The KLF: 3am Eternal

Chris Rotter was the guitarist in the live band incarnation of Two Lone Swordsmen and played on and co- wrote songs on Andrew Weatherall's solo album A Pox On The Pioneers. I became friends with Chris online and then in real life. When Isaac died he wanted to record a song for Isaac. I asked him to do 86'd, a song I heard Andrew play on a radio show, a glorious chiming krauty instrumental. Chris went and re- recorded 86'd in new form, 23 minutes long. For reasons of space I've included the shorter one here. The full length 86'd (For Isaac) is here. 

Last December Jesse represented the entire 10:40 back catalogue as an advent calendar. This was the track for the 23rd December, the sleek psych and somewhat krauty Sleepwalker with Ben Lewis on guitar.

The KLF and the number 23 I've mentioned above. Read John Higgs' Chaos, Magic And The Band Who Burned A Million Pounds for more detail. Local Psycho And The Hurdy Gurdy Orchestra are ex- KLF Jimmy Cauty and ex- Pogue Jem Finer. Their hurdy gurdy, neolithic celebration drone came out on 12" came out earlier this year complete with a 23 minute mix. I've included the shorter remix here but the 23 minute version is the one really. 

23 Skidoo are here for obvious reasons. Coup is a block rocking post- punk/ punk funk track from 1984. In a further Andrew Weatherall connection, it was one of the songs on his 9 O' Clock Drop compilation from 2000. 

Joy Division's Love Will Tear Us Apart, as I said above, was Fac 23. Factory's numbering system was central to their ethos. All Joy Division and New Order singles ended in 3. Rather than include the original I decided to put Jah Division's dub cover in- it fitted better. Jah Division released an EP of four dub covers of Joy Division songs  in 2004. If you ever see a vinyl copy, please give me a ring. 

The Vendetta Suite are from Northern Ireland, the work of Gary Irwin. In 2017 Gary released an EP titled Solar Lodge 23 from which this piece of cosmic dubbiness is taken. 

Two Lone Swordsmen- yes, them again- released their first record in 1996, a 12" that contained four tracks- Big Man On The Landing, Azzolini, The Branch Brothers and the one here, 23rd Street, a few minutes of abstract Swordsmen sounds. 

Mogwai's move into soundtrack work has paid off. This is from the soundtrack to Atomic, a bit of a cheat maybe numerically but 23's in there and the track fits.

Gorillaz have played with the number 23 frequently in their imagery and artwork. This song Aries was a single in 2020 and has the unmistakeable and melancholic/ uplifting sound of Peter Hook's bass at its heart.  

Psychic TV, Genesis P Orridge's experimental psychedelic/ acid house band had some interest in 23. In 1986 they began a series of gigs to be recorded and released, 23 in total, each played on the 23rd of a month for 23 consecutive months. Godstar is a single from 1985, a tribute to Rolling Stone Brian Jones.

The KLF's 3am Eternal was the second of their stadium house trilogy, released in 1991 (after a previous version in 1989 and a subsequent one in 1992). The version here, the 1991 single and chart topper, took this mix to 46 minutes. 

Monday's Long Song

My ongoing, erm, relationship (for want of a better word) with the number 23 continues. The walk up the canal towpath into town that I did a couple of times in the summer saw me come across a pair of graffiti 23s- from memory they were the only numbers among the many painted and tagged walls (apart from a 2-1 reference to the cup final, proper old school graffiti). I'm aware that confirmation bias means they may be the only numbers I noticed and that I might be looking out for them, subconsciously. The pair of graffiti 23s don't seem to be the work of the same artist. When we were in South London for the end of August bank holiday weekend we walked up the high street to get to the train station, turned a corner and I almost walked into this piece of street furniture...

At the start of the summer my brother in law and sister in law stayed the night with us before flying from Manchester airport. We went to one of the local pubs and while I stood at the bar ordering they went to find a table. More or less the only one free was this one...

Channel surfing one night I flicked the button and moved up from Channel 4 and onto a Channel 5 countdown of the Best Songs Of 1986 at this exact moment...

I don't think there's anything especially mystical about this. It's coincidence I'm sure. Other numbers appear all around us, I just don't notice them the same way. 

Isaac was twenty three when he died and his birthday is the 23rd November (we have that anniversary and the anniversary of his death (a week later, the 30th November) suddenly appearing in our view again. Both those dates last year were awful, the weeks building up to them especially. When he went into hospital in November 2021 with Covid I was a few chapters into Chaos, Magic And The Band Who Burned A Million Pounds by John Higgs, a book about The KLF. I didn't pick it up again until a few weeks after he died and the first chapter I then read was about the number 23, its place in The KLF's mythology and the significance of the number in Discordianism (a religion or set of ideas invented by Greg Hill and Kerry Wendell Thornley in the early 1960s, taking in some aspects of Zen coupled with absurdism and beliefs/ theories about order and disorder. You can get as much or as little from it as you like. The KLF take a lot from it but with them its always difficult to tell whether they're deadly serious or playing). What freaked me out reading the chapter back in December 2021, wracked with grief and loss and pain, was the number 23 and its concurrence with Isaac's life and death. After that, I started seeing twenty threes fairly often, not least this summer. Again, I know about confirmation bias and suspect that twenty three is a fairly commonly occurring number. But also, I've come to like it when I see one, it makes me smile- the only rule is that seeing or finding one has to be accidental, it can't happen as a result of deliberately looking for them- in some ways, it feels like a weird little connection to him.  

Jimmy Cauty of The KLF and Jem Finer of The Pogues have released an EP, four versions of a track titled The Hurdy- Gurdy Song, calling themselves Local Psycho And The Hurdy- Gurdy Orchestra. The three versions on the A-side of the 12" are all fairly short, between three and six minutes long, ambient/ rave celebrating the ancient and the current, the old stones that decorate our landscape and the year 2023. The B-side of the 12" is taken up entirely with The Stone Club Remix, a long version that is twenty three minutes long (of course it is). 

The Stone Club Remix is long with a very drawn out intro, bleeps, drones, the specific broken bagpipe- like drone of the hurdy- gurdy front and centre, noises, seagulls, a voice talking about the stones and about 'being the custodians of this place', echoes, found sound. Eventually, about thirteen minutes in a rhythm appears, drums of some sort, tapping away in the reverb smothered distance, through a haze. 

The EP is available at Bandcamp, digitally and on vinyl (although the vinyl was running very low when I wrote this post). Initially there were three hundred 12" singles in sleeves hand painted by Cauty and two hundred in plain sleeves. Two and three again. 

Twenty Three

Back in November last year, a week or two before Isaac died, I started reading a book about The KLF by John Higgs titled 'The KLF: Chaos, Magic and the Band Who Burned A Million Pounds'. It is not a conventional band biography- Higgs supplies two different endings (read both, decide which one you prefer) and as someone somewhere quipped, at times the book is more a history of Discordianism with appearances by The KLF as much as the story of Bill Drummond, Jimmy Cauty and their adventures in the music industry. 

Discordianism is/ was one of the foundation stones of Drummond and Cauty's world, the modern day religion of chaos and irreverence dreamed up by Greg Hill and Kerry Wendall Thornley in 1963. Higgs brings in much more as well and branches off all over the place- Situationism, Dr Who, punk, rave, Carl Jung and Dada all show up. It's difficult to tell at times, and I think this is one of Higgs' key points, whether Drummond and Cauty know what they are doing and whether they are in control of what they unleash or whether the magical forces of Discordia and the Illuminati have taken over completely. I've always found it difficult to tell whether Drummond and Cauty are deadly serious or playing with it. Either way, it leads them to The Brits in February 1992 where they machine gunned the audience while Extreme Noise Terror thrashed away behind them, to having to be talked out of dumping a dead sheep on the steps of the venue and then to the Isle of Jura where they burned a million quid. Something they've been unable to explain (to themselves or others) ever since. 

The KLF v Extreme Noise Terror 3 A.M. Eternal (Top Mix)

When Isaac got taken into hospital with Covid I was a few chapters in. I didn't pick the book up for a while after all of that but at some point went back to it and almost immediately found myself in the chapter on Discordianism and specifically the number twenty three. Discordianism a parody religion. Probably. One of it's central practices is/ was Operation Mindfuck, an attempt to undermine all conspiracy theories by publicly attributing major events (wars, assassinations etc) to the Illuminati, thereby demonstrating how ridiculous conspiracy theories are- while also contributing to paranoia and creating more conspiracy theories. 

For Discordians the number twenty three is everything, the secret behind it all. The number five is also important because two and three make five and two and three are twenty three. William Burroughs cited the so called 23 Enigma to Robert Anton Wilson in an interview (Wilson wrote the Illuminatus! Trilogy). Drummond and Cauty took their name The JAMMs from the books and twenty three is littered through The Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu and The KLF's works. Drummond and Cauty burned the money on the twenty third of August and then agreed to not discuss it for twenty three years. This is where you suspect they're playing with it- except burning a million pounds is not playing. 

In a normal frame of mind all of this would have been amusing and interesting but in my raw and grief stricken state it fully freaked me out. Isaac was twenty three when he died and his birthday is on the twenty third of November. One of his birthday presents we'd given to him a week earlier, on the twenty third, was a United shirt with his name on the back and the number twenty three beneath it. The shirt was already with him, in his coffin. I put the book down and the day after- I don't remember exactly when this was but I think it was some time in December. The day after I picked the book up and read the chapter again and it disturbed me again. Moreso when I looked at my phone to see what time it was and it was, of course, 23.23pm. It disturbed me for some time afterwards- but then I was already very disturbed and it didn't take much to tip me over. There were a couple of other Isaac numerological coincidences around the same time which added to it all. 

Robert Anton Wilson, the writer and philosopher recognised in Discordianism as a saint, has since said that the mystery around the number twenty three is self- fulfilling, proof that the mind can find meaning or truth in anything. 'When you start looking for something, you tend to find it' he said, 'it is all selective perception'. I'm sure he's right. 

This is the twenty third record in my record collection. A Certain Ratio in 1990, remixed by Bernard Sumner. 

Won't Stop Loving You

Every Day You Make The Sun Come Out

Twenty three years ago today Isaac was born, making his entrance at just after half past seven in the morning and whisked off immediately to an ICU unit. Although I don't think you can ever be ready for the impact that becoming a parent has on your life we certainly weren't expecting what we got- serious unknown genetic illness, frequent hospitalisation in his early years, deafness, serious learning difficulties, bone marrow transplants, operations and much more. 

When pregnant people are asked 'what do you want?' and they reply 'I don't mind, as long as it's healthy', it's a comment that you can't possibly consider properly unless you're thrown into the thick of serious life and death illness. Isaac is twenty three today and there have been occasions when he wasn't expected to survive the night. In 2000 when he was undergoing a bone marrow transplant he contracted a serious Epstein Barr virus. In  2008 his undiagnosed missing immune system led to him getting pneumonia and then meningitis). Ass a result every year he adds, every birthday, feels like a stolen year, another year grappled back from what could have been. Sorry if that sounds melodramatic or maudlin- it's supposed to be celebratory. And he will be celebrating, he loves a birthday and loves a party. Happy birthday Isaac.

Back in 1997, the year before he was born, The Charlatans released this piece of Dylan inspired, Stonesy guitar slinging, a song with a loping beat, some northern swagger and an emotion laden set of lyrics from Tim Burgess. A friend bought it for Isaac on 7" not long after he was born. Isaac isn't fussed about music (ironically given how much I am) and doesn't know the song so it sits in with the rest of my 7" singles. 

'Hey country boy/ What are you sad about/ Every day you make the sun come out/ Even in the pouring rain/ I'll come to see you/ And I'll save you, I'll save you'

North Country Boy