Saturday Snapshots #182: A Top Ten Wedding Songs

If anyone knows any reason these answers should not be revealed, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

10. ET thanks Taylor.

ET, plus "ta"... and James Taylor.

Etta James - Stop The Wedding

9. Dedication! Or... half of it, at least.

Roy Castle was famous for his Dedication. 

Half of that would be...

Roy C - Shotgun Wedding

8. Irish priest on public transport.

Will you be going on the bus, Ted?

Busted - Crashed The Wedding

7. King's wife in hardback emergency room.

A Book in the ER?

With Priscilla (but not Presley).

Booker T & Priscilla - The Wedding Song

6. Musicians who will help you get around London.

An Oyster card will help you travel in the capital.

The Oysterband - Blood Wedding

5. Like a shadow and a divorcee.

Hank Marvin was a Shadow. Tammy Wynette was a divorcee.

Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell - Sad Wedding

4. Romans grasp my realism hour.

Romans grasp was one anagram... my realism hour was another.

Gram Parsons & Emmylou Harris - $1000 Wedding

3. Decayed mongrel on the loose!

"Decayed mongrel" was an anagram.

Godley and Creme - Wedding Bells

That's the first time I've ever seen the video to that. I will have nightmares.

2. No longer southerners.

Dixie, no more.

The (Dixie) Chicks - White Trash Wedding

1. I'm feeling bodily ill.

Not much of an anagram. Not much of a picture. But the tune is a solid gold classic...

And that's how you do a video, Godley & Creme. You ride a motorbike through a stained glass window! It's the video with everything AND a kitchen sink. An exploding kitchen sink, naturally.

Do you take these Snapshots, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, till death do you part?

If so, join me back here again next Saturday.

My Top Ten Songs Everybody Knows

Ten songs everybody knows. You might not know them all.

Everybody knows that Sonia is not in this list...


10. The Dixie Chicks - Everybody Knows

New Dixie Chicks album out soon. I hope they stick it to Trump the same way they stuck it to Bush.

9. Echo & The Bunnymen - Everybody Knows

Late period Bunnymen, but still worth a listen.

8. The Pearlfishers - Everybody Knows It's A Dream

Like Prefab Sprout? You'll like the Pearlfishers too. Everybody should know this.

7. Janis Ian - Everybody Knows

Everybody knows loneliness sucks.

6. Mighty Mighty - Everybody Knows The Monkey

 A Smithsy jangle from C86.

5. Neil Young - Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere

Timeless Neil.

4. James - Everybody Knows

From back when James could do no wrong.

3. Leonard Cohen - Everybody Knows

One of those songs that could be applied to many, many situations over the years. Let's apply it to Brexit today, shall we?

Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died
Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long-stem rose
Everybody knows

2. The Divine Comedy - Everybody Knows

Neil Hannon is so smitten that he's boring everybody to death with his lustful obsession. Brilliant.

I told all of my friends
Again and again and again
I drove them round the bend
So now you’re my only friend
I told the passers by
I made a small boy cry
And I’ll get through to you
If it’s the last thing that I do

1. Gary Portnoy - Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Cheers was my favourite sitcom growing up. Its theme song, written by Gary Portnoy & Judy Hart Angelo still brings back warm memories from its first piano notes. Certain sitcoms succeed by fostering a mythical community everyone wants to be a part of: reminiscent yet far superior to our real life friendships. Cheers, for me, is the ultimate example of that and even its theme song contributes to the myth.



Everybody knows I missed some out. Which would you have included?

Saturday Snapshots #47 - The Answers

If you Don't Like Mondays and often find yourself wondering whether the Russians love their children too, here's the perfect post for you. The Sunday answers to Saturday Snapshots come around Like Clockwork and will leave you feeling like an Englishman in New York... probably.

Good team-work yesterday, folks. I think Lynchie just clinched the win, but Chris, C, Rigid Digit, Alyson all worked well together to solve the rest.


10. Your adversary will never leave home.

No explanation needed for this one...

The Enemy - We'll Live & Die In These Towns

9. No charge for the daughter of Robbie's brother.

The daughter of Robbie's brother would be de Niece of Williams.

Deniece Williams - Free

8. Roger's other half doesn't like to drive.

Roger's other half would be Wilco. Do you copy?

Wilco - Passenger Side

7. 5-4-3-2-1: Fire your inspiration!

If you fired your inspiration, you might be throwing your muse.

Throwing Muses - Counting Backwards

6. Both jams bewilder a depressed weatherman.

Both jams is an anagram.

A depressed weatherman would feel like it was raining on him all the time.

B.J. Thomas - Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head

5. Stanley's doctor will stay home this evening. Again.

Stanley Kubrick's doctor was Strangelove.

Strangelove - Another Night In

4. Where polite cows graze in the spring. Keep climbing!

Curtis means courteous or polite.

Spring cows would graze in a Mayfield.

Curtis Mayfield - Move On Up

3. Southern belles won't reach the south of France yet.

Southern belles (in the States) would be Dixie Chicks.

Nice is in the south of France.

Dixie Chicks - Not Ready To Make Nice

2. Helps the medicine go down on hot days in London.

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

Lovin' Spoonful - Summer In The City

1. Lightning makes a move on Mater's lady.

If you've never seen Disney's Cars trilogy, you wouldn't have stood much of a chance with this clue. I, however, have watched Disney's Cars trilogy more than any other film in the last five years... not entirely through choice.



Put on your bright suit Billy, and head for the right side of town next Saturday morning when I'll be Spreading A Little Happiness once again...

(Note to self: don't use a picture with two big stars in it again.)

My Top Ten Kill Your Spouse Songs

The management of My Top Ten does not endorse killing your spouse and takes a very dim view of pop stars who advocate such deplorable behaviour.

(There will, naturally, be quite a bit of country in this top ten, since most country singers - especially the women - are homicidal maniacs on the quiet.)


10. Miranda Lambert - Kerosene

Bearing in mind that Miranda Lambert wrote this a good few years before she hooked up with Blake Shelton... you've got to say he was a pretty gutsy bloke to leave her for Gwen Stefani. He must be watching his back every night...

9. David Allan Coe - Suicide

"Clear case of a domestic that ended in tragedy."

"Has the suspect confessed?"

"You betcha..."

Standing in the bathroom with a gun in my hand
Pulling on the trigger just as fast as I can
I can hear her scream as she reaches for the lover beside her

Married by the Bible, she was only sixteen

I was fresh from prison trying to follow my dream
Who'd ever thought I'd be the judge and the jury that tried her?

Blood splattered all over the wall
The gun still smoking as I watch it fall

8. Sarah Shook & The Disarmers - The Nail

Not quite sure whether if Sarah really wants her old man to put her out of her misery... or if she wants him to dig a grave she can then sneakily push his useless corpse into. Either way, I don't think he should be messing with her.

7. Eminem - '97 Bonnie & Clyde

In which Eminem kills his ex-wife Kim and sticks her body in the trunk of his car, while singing a bastardized version of Just The Two Of Us to his little girl who's come along for the ride. Not the first time he's done something like this; I'm sure it won't be the last...

If that isn't creepy enough for you, try the Tori Amos version...

6. Tanya Tucker - The Thunder Rolls

Written and recorded by Garth Brooks (but don't let that put you off), this song tells the story of a worried woman waiting for her husband to come home on a stormy night. She's terrified that something's happened to him so when he rolls up in the driveway, she rushes out to hold him... and smells another woman's perfume.

That's where Brooks's version ends... but there's a third verse in Tanya Tucker's recording of the song...

She runs back down the hallway and through the bedroom door
She reaches for the pistol kept in the dresser drawer
Tells the lady in the mirror he won't do this again
'Cause tonight will be the last time, she'll wonder where he's been

5. The Beautiful South - Woman In The Wall

A drunken wife-abuser takes it way too far one night and walls up her body to cover up his crime. She's gonna haunt him till he cracks...

Cry freedom for the woman in the wall
Cry freedom for she has no voice at all
I hear her cry all day, all night
I hear her voice from deep within the wall
Made a cross from knitting needles
Made a grave from hoover bags 
Especially for the woman in the wall

4. Carrie Underwood - Two Black Cadillacs

A lady discovers her husband has been sleeping with someone else, so she gets the other woman's number and gives her a call. The only time they ever meet is at his funeral...

It was the first and the last time they saw each other face to face

They shared a crimson smile and just walked away

And left the secret at the grave

I really wouldn't mess with Carrie Underwood. Check out what happens to the abusive husband in Church Bells... or hear the warning she gives a cheating partner here.

3. Nick Cave - Song Of Joy

In an album called Murder Ballads - in which every track drips blood - the opener is perhaps the darkest of all. Imagine a strange doctor turned up on your doorstep late at night and told you a story about how his wife and three children had all been murdered while he was out on his rounds. He quotes Milton, breaks off into bursts of "La la la la la"s and then asks if you've got a room?

Are you going to let him in?

You are?

2. The Dixie Chicks - Goodbye, Earl

Earl sounds like a right git, to be fair. He is played by one of my favourite actors - NYPD Blue's Denis Franz - in the video, though, so I don't like to see him get rolled up in a tarp like that. The dancing Zombie Earl at the end is worth sticking around for though.

Little tip: if you're married to one of the Dixie Chicks and she cooks black-eyed peas for tea... feign a stomach ache.

Well, the weeks went by and spring turned to summer
And summer faded into fall
And it turns out Earl was a missing person who nobody missed at all

1. Jimi Hendrix - Hey Joe

Hey! Joe! Where you going with that gun in your hand?

I'm goin' down to shoot my old lady
You know I caught her messin' 'round with another man..

That's not gonna end well, is it?


Not that I'm looking for them (I got into enough trouble with the other half when I posted My Top Ten Divorce Songs) but your suggestions are always welcome...

My Top Ten Lullabies...

...with the word "Lullaby" or "Lullabye" in the title. Because there are plenty more songs I could (and probably will) wade through to accomplish the same end.

I'm kinda getting sick of the lullaby CDs we first got to play to Sam at bedtime. The version of Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star is particularly offensive as the singer insists on over-pronouncing the word "diamond" as "DOY-MOND" and it grates every time we hear it. Sam has yet to be annoyed by it, but we'll soon teach him. We also bought some lullaby versions of Queen, Elvis and Guns 'n' Roses songs (thanks to Deano for pointing us in their direction!) which go down quite well, even though Louise claims to only know two Guns 'n' Roses songs... someone else in need of education. I'll learn them both by the time I'm done.

Meanwhile...


10. Dixie Chicks - Lullaby

See, the Dixie Chicks aren't just there to stick two fingers up to George Bush and kill off Dennis Franz.

9. Brad Paisley featuring Alison Krauss - Whiskey Lullaby

Speaking of my favourite TV actor, here's one of his former partners, Ricky Schroder, meeting a sticky end courtesy of Brad and Alison.

8. Billy Joel - Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)

I don't know why Billy Joel decided to pack in songwriting 20 years ago. He still tours but it seems he didn't have anything else to say, which is a great shame because I was a huge fan growing up. This is from his last ever album, River of Dreams. It's a simple piano ballad, the kind of thing he excelled at... the kind of thing I wish he'd write again.

7. Alice Cooper - Lullaby

Because we all need a little Alice to send us off to the land of nod. This is from his ridiculously pompous 90s concept album collaboration with Neil Gaiman which, at the time, I thought was pretty pants. A recent reassessment has led me to consider it a barking kind of genius. My critical faculties are obviously fading along with all my other bits.

6. Patti Scialfa - 23rd Street Lullaby

Here's why Patti deserves to be known as more than just "Mrs. Springsteen".

5. The Pogues - Lullaby of London

MacGowan's love/hate lullaby for a capital city as shabby, shameless and spectacular as he is.

4. Tom Waits - Midnight Lullaby

Early Tom Waits, from the days before he started gargling with razor blades. Should you prefer the latter to send of off to dreamland, try this instead: Lullaby.

3. Starsailor - Lullaby

I  always felt the critics were unkind to Starsailor: they wrote some cracking songs and singer James Walsh had a proper rock star voice. Listen to this again and give them a second thought.

2. The Cure - Lullaby

Mad Bob can't sleep because Spider-Man is having him for dinner. If he really sleeps with that much lipstick on, he must have to change his pillowcases every morning.

1. Shawn Mullins - Lullaby

And this is why I will never be cool...





There were plenty more lullabies in my collection (Birdland came close)... but which one sends you off to dreamland?

My Top Ten Wrath Songs (Seven Deadly Sins #5)

The fifth deadly sin is the one that gets us all pissed off...

Special mentions to Billy Fury, Rage Against The Machine, The Temper Trap, The Furious 5 and... erm, Angry Anderson.


10. Morrissey - Sorrow Will Come In The End

It's hard to think of a Morrissey solo album that doesn't contain a fair few angry songs, though this oddity is perhaps his most direct. Only released on the US version of the Maladjusted album, it's a spoken word rant-poem aimed at his former bandmates in The Smiths (well, Mike and Andy) and the judge who sided with them in the infamous court case over royalties. You know, the judge who decided Joyce and Rourke were thoroughly decent chaps while Mozzer was "devious, truculent and unreliable"... well, you can see why he was miffed.

All that said, Sorrow Will Come In The End isn't one of the Mozfather's finest works... though it does redeem itself by going suitably mental with a fairground organ about halfway through (following on nicely from my last two Top Tens). It remains one of the strangest records I've ever heard, and that's saying something.

9. Laura Marling - All My Rage

I love the humorous opening to this folky blast of weary resignation... 

Stole my children, left my son
Of all of them, he's the only one who did not mean that much to me
I tip my cap to the raging sea

8. Ben Folds Five - One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces

 When he was a little kid, Ben got beat up a lot. This was his revenge... kiss my ass!

7. Twisted Sister - We're Not Gonna Take It

Top comedy video!

6. Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Rage Hard

Rage! Rage! Rage! Rage!
Rage Hard!

If you say so, Holly. 

5. Elvis Costello - All The Rage

Costello was very much considered the "angry young man" when he first hit the punk pop scene in the late 70s... though the only song he sang about anger back then was called I'm Not Angry (it wasn't a particularly honest title). This, on the other hand, comes from later in his career... when he was supposed to have mellowed.

Alone with your tweezers and your handkerchief
You murder time and truth, love, laughter and belief
So don't try to touch my heart, it's darker than you think
And don't try to read my mind because it's full of disappearing ink

4. Billy Joel - Angry Young Man

 How angry is Billy? So angry, it takes him two minutes to start singing. Blinding intro though!

3. Catatonia - Road Rage

 I sympathise with Cerys; little else gets my bloody boiling quite like bad driving.

2. The King Blues - We Are Fucking Angry

Written in support of the UK student protests of 2011 against the cuts to tuition fees - one of the angriest songs you'll ever hear.

1. The Dixie Chicks - Not Ready To Make Nice

The Dixie Chicks made a stand against George W. Bush and took a kicking in the conservative midwest as a result. They refused to apologise - this was their angry repost.

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad, sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over?

So - which omission incurred your wrath?

My Top Ten Landslide Songs

Having already survived an avalanche, I thought I'd try my luck with some landslides...


10. Less Than Jake - Landmines & Landslides

If you're familiar with the work of Less Than Jake, this sounds exactly like you'd expect.

9. Slash's Snakepit - Landslide

If you're familiar with the work of Slash, this sounds exactly like you'd expect.(Not always a bad thing.)

8. Alice Cooper - Generation Landslide

From the days when Alice Cooper was the name of the band.

7. Olivia Newton John - Landslide

This video is a classic example of 80s WTF?! 

It begins with Olivia as a sexy business woman (taking off her glasses) before it goes all Hammer horror with sword fights and children dressed as ninjas and then cut-price sci-fi as Olivia tries on her old Wilma Deering costume. Hence: it is genius.

I am proud to come from the generation who grew up knowing her as Olivia Neutron Bomb.

6. Tony Clarke - Landslide

Classic slab of Northern Soul.

5. Fleetwood Mac - Landslide

Stevie Nicks wrote this after an argument with Lindsey Buckingham. See also just about every other Fleetwood Mac song: whoever wrote them, they were generally about the various band members hating each other... or shagging each other... or hating each other again.

A much-covered song... see also versions by the Dixie Chicks  the Smashing Pumpkins and Tori Amos, among others.

4. AC/DC - Landslide

I want you to put your hand in your pocket
Take ten dollars out and send it to me

Loud enough to cause a landslide in solid granite.

3. The Bluetones - Mudslide

I can't shake the feeling I've featured this song before... though god knows when. Did I do a Top Ten Mud Songs?

2. Transvision Vamp - Landslide of Love

You've no idea how close Wendy came to being Number One. Probably my favourite Transvision Vamp song, even if it does rip off the theme tune to Red Dwarf at one point. (Or maybe Red Dwarf ripped this off... I can't be bothered to check which came first.)

I'll play this for my old mate Nota Bene who always gets very excited whenever I throw any TV into these lists... though not because he's a fan of their music. I expect he'll be watching this video with the sound down again, especially since Wendy James appears to have forgotten to wear the back of her dress.

1. Manic Street Preachers - Life Becoming A Landslide

Yep, I'd forgotten how good this was too.

My idea of love comes from
A childhood glimpse of pornography
Though there is no true love
Just a finely tuned jealousy

Which one gets you slip sliding away?