Mid-Life Crisis Songs #130: Grown Ups

This is my favourite panel from Adrian Tomine's book, The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Cartoonist.

For most of my life, I've dreamed of working professionally in comics... but after reading Tomine's autobiographical account of all the snubs, slights, humiliations and disappointments that have made up his own "successful" career in that industry, I think I probably had a lucky escape.

Do you feel like a normal, competent adult? Or do you still feel like a kid making the best of pretending to be a grown up? 

Two recent songs immediately came to mind. First, this...

Brian Bilston & The Catenary Wires - Thou Shalt Not Commit Adulting

And then this, from the glorious Pulp comeback album, More... it's like they've never been away.

Finally part of the new generation

Finally part of the pub conversation

And somehow this leads to mature life decisions

Like the one that I heard of from Jeremy Sissons

Who said he, he moved near the motorway

'Cause it was good for commuting

And I laughed in his face

Because I, I thought he was joking

But then I, I looked in his eyes

And I saw, he was not joking

No, he was trying

Trying so, so hard

To act just like a grown up

And it's so, so hard

And we're hoping that we don't get shown up

'Cause everybody's got to grow up

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #129: Thirty Years Ago

Thirty years ago, Damon and the Blur lads won that silly battle for Number One with the Neanderthal Brothers... but lost the battle in the album charts. The Friends theme tune made it into the charts, thanks to The Rembrants. And Take That had a song called Never Forget doing the rounds... but thankfully, I've forgotten it.

Better tunes were available in the late summer of 1995...

Supergrass - Alright

Julian Cope - Try Try Try

Black Grape - In The Name Of The Father

Echobelly - Great Things

The Levellers - Hope Street

Radiohead - Just

Ash - Girl From Mars

The Connells - 74-75

It's hard to believe any one of those songs is thirty years old. 

Here's a song from 2025, all about 1995. The Tumbling Souls are from Stornoway in the Outer Hebrides. And that's about all I know... except this one's a cracker.

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #128: Getting Old Sucks

I'm a big fan of the cartoonist Stephen Collins who does a regular strip in the Saturday Guardian and also wrote the excellent graphic novel The Giant Beard That Was Evil. Above is one of his more recent strips, which I figured might draw some nods of existential approval. I'm hoping you can click on the image to see a larger, readable version. But I'm sure you'll let me know if you can't.

And here's another song from Bowling For Soup, in a similar vein...

We used run wild in the streets now we complain
When cars drive to fast and the music is insanely loud
All the movies are cartoons and remakes of shit 
That was better when we played our music too loud
Now our memories are fading away

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #127: Rules For Mid-Life Rebellion

Apologies if you came along today hoping to find another instalment of Teacher Songs, and my promised tale of a teacher amorously pursued by a student. It's another one of those half-written posts which I need more time with, and as usual, time is not something I have a lot of right now.

Instead, here's another Mid-Life Crisis Song - a proper one this time, not just another excuse for me to have a Victor Meldrew rant.

Another track from the new album by Brian Bilston and The Catenary Wires. It features 31 Rules For Mid-Life Rebellion. All I'll tell you beyond that is that Rule 28 is "Don't listen to songs in the form of lists."

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #126: AIiiiiiiieeee!

Martin has written quite a bit about the horrors of AI recently, and I'm with him a hundred per cent. It's frightening that pop music of the next couple of decades looks like it'll be dominated by robot singers performing robot songs... until the Human Uprising of 2051, at least.

JC has also experimented with AI - and been unfairly lambasted for it, although I will admit to being one of the lambasters.

I was made aware of an amusing AI-related piece of nonsense recently though. Apparently, if you're still listing CDs for sale on eBay (and why you'd do that, since eBay started adding 85p onto the sale price of every CD for "Buyer Insurance", is anybody's guess), and you can't be bothered writing a description (or stealing one from discogs), you can let the eBay AI do it for you. With hilarious results. Here's a few I tried...

The Jam - All Mod Cons

The product is a CD featuring a compilation of Mod music with all the modern conveniences. This collection of songs embodies the style and energy of the Mod movement, providing listeners with a nostalgic trip back to the heyday of this influential music genre. perfect for fans of Mod music looking to enjoy the classic sounds in a convenient and high-quality format.

The Jam - Down In The Tube Station At Midnight

The Wedding Present - George Best

The "George Best Wedding Present" is a unique and thoughtful gift for a wedding occasion, presented in the form of a CD. This gift is likely to contain music that holds sentimental value to the couple, making it a special addition to their wedding day. The CD format makes it a convenient and versatile present that can be enjoyed by the couple at any time, serving as a lasting reminder of the special day.

The Wedding Present - Everyone Thinks He Looks Daft

Belle & Sebastian - The Boy With The Arab Strap

The product is a CD by Belle & Sebastian titled "Boy with the Arab Strap." The album features a mix of indie pop and alternative rock music, with lyrics written in English and Arabic. The unique blending of languages and musical styles reflects the band's distinctive sound and cultural influences. Fans of indie music and those interested in exploring music that incorporates different languages will enjoy this album.

Yes, I was disappointed that the AI didn't know what an Arab Strap is.

Belle & Sebastian - The Boy With The Arab Strap

This one is my favourite...

Half Man Half Biscuit - Achtung Bono

The product is a CD titled "Half Man Half Biscuit – Achtung Bono." This music CD features a mix of songs from the Irish rock band U2, reimagined as if performed by a half-man, half-biscuit hybrid character. The unique and playful concept of this CD is likely to appeal to fans of U2 and those who enjoy experimental or humorous music. With a CD format, listeners can enjoy the unconventional and entertaining sound that this album has to offer.

Half Man Half Biscuit - For What Is Chatteris...

But I saved this for last because I'd never seen the video before. DAVID THEWLIS! Top work, lads.

Yard Act - Where's My Utopia

The "Yard Act: Where's My Utopia" CD by the artist Utopia, released under the record label Act, offers a musical journey exploring themes of idealism and reality. With a unique blend of melodies and lyrics, this album challenges listeners to question their perceptions of a perfect world. Dive into the imaginative realm crafted by Utopia and discover a sound that is both captivating and thought-provoking.

Todd Rundgren fans might be a little confused if they buy this CD...

I thought about turning this into a series and getting the eBay AI to describe all my favourite records... then I thought again. I don't want to give the AI any more work. 

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #125: HOW MUCH!?!

Over the past few months, I've been getting increasingly excited about the prospect of a box set of new, previously unreleased Bruce Springsteen albums being made available for the first time. Tracks II is the long-awaited sequel to the Tracks boxset which was released back in 1998. That set contained 4 discs, and much of that unreleased material was as good as the stuff which made it onto the albums released between the early 70s and early 80s. I wasn't expecting the Tracks II material to be of an equivalent standard, covering the period between the mid-80s to the late 90s, something of a fallow period for the Boss once Tunnel Of Love was out of the way. Still, for a fan like me, I was sure there'd be lots to enjoy...

Until I saw the price.

I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure the original Tracks boxset retailed between £20 and 30 when it came out. A bargain for four discs of prime era Bruce out-takes. And OK, this new set is seven discs rather than four, add in 30 years of inflation (even though the average price of a regular CD has hardly changed in that time) and I figured the new collection might cost me about fifty quid. Which I would have been more than willing to fork out.

So how much is Tracks II?

£229.99.

Two hundred and thirty pounds.

TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY FLIPPING QUID!!!

Bruce Springsteen - Pay Me My Money Down

That's approximately £33 a disc. For albums that weren't deemed worthy of release at the time of recording.

The last proper Springsteen album, 2020's Letter To You*, cost £11.99 on release. Even if Sony wanted to charge me the equivalent of that, times seven, it'd still come in at well under a hundred quid.

(*I don't count that duff album of karaoke soul covers.)

I'm sorry, but £230 is a ridiculous amount of money. There's no justification for it beyond greed. I'm trying not to lay that at Bruce's door, since clearly he has a contract with Sony and they want to milk it for all its worth in this world of musical diminishing returns. And I guess they also want to rake back as much as they can after reportedly paying him $500 million to buy his entire catalogue, including master recordings and publishing rights, back in 2021. With that in mind, I doubt Bruce has any say in either the release of this material or its price point... but this does come in the same year his concert ticket prices crashed comfortably through the £100 barrier, and I reckon he's probably helping the rest of the E Street Band fill their pension pots at this point.

Bruce Springsteen - Easy Money

The long and the short of it then, is that I won't be buying Tracks II. Neither will I be buying the £12.99 single disc highlights CD. I'm not even sure I can be bothered to listen to it online at this point. The whole thing has just left me with a nasty taste in my mouth. I might get over that. Or I might win the lottery, and suddenly money will be no object. But like so much entertainment marketed at aging fans these days, it seems prohibitively priced for anyone but the overprivileged. Such is the world we live in...

You make up your mind, you choose the chance you take

You ride to where the highway ends and the desert breaks

Out on to an open road, you ride until the day

You learn to sleep at night with the price you pay

Oh, the price you pay, oh, the price you pay

Now you can't walk away from the price you pay

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #124: Sudden

During Sam's football match at the weekend, we got word that one of the other dads - who hadn't attended that morning, though his child was on the pitch playing - had died suddenly of a heart attack.

I feel like I ought to write about this, but I don't know how. I've known the dad in question for the past five years or so, only really to say hi to or have a quick chat with, nothing more... but getting that news, in that moment, it really shook me. Yet it feels wrong to talk about my own reaction given what his wife and children must be dealing with right now, and will have to deal with from now on.

My heart goes out to them, not that that'll make any difference. 

I tried to think of a song to accompany this post, and this was the only thing I came up with.

Across the evening sky
All the birds are leaving
But how can they know
It's time for them to go?

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #123: Sad & Alone

Even though I'm not a football fan, I've been enjoying the show Ted Lasso very much. Louise got bored with it towards the end of the first season, she said it was trying too hard to recreate the "feelgood" tone of Parks & Recreation... and I can see what she means... but I'll take my feelgood anywhere I can get it these days.

Anyway, I finally had time to watch the end of Season 1 over the Easter holiday, and that last episode had me in tears on more than one occasion. I can see perfectly well that the show is emotionally manipulative, but so much TV leaves me feeling absolutely nothing these days, so I think it's worthy of note when something breaks through my cynicism.

There was one line in particular that made me hit pause until I had time to collect myself and carry on watching. It worked in the context of the show, but it spoke to me beyond that... and made me grateful for what I've got.

There is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being alone and sad.

The Beautiful South - Alone

Carly Simon - Alone

The Morning After Girls - Alone

Lee Hazlewood & Suzi Jane Hokom - Alone

Utopia - Alone

Richard Hawley - Alone

The Southlanders - Alone

Marc Almond - Alone

The Bee Gees - Alone

The Mighty Wah - Alone

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #122: What Time Is It?

I have to get up at what time now?

Why can't they just leave the bloody clocks alone?

Keith - Daylight Savin' Time

Josh Rouse - Daylight Saving Time

Dizzy - Daylight Savings Time

The Cynics - 13 O'Clock Daylight Savings Time

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #121: Bring on the sagging everything...

Here's a photo I found in my phone. I must have taken it accidentally while out on a walk, possibly while fiddling with the music on a playlist. I quite like the effect.

And now, here's a proper Mid-Life Crisis Song by Brooklyn's Shilpa Ray. At just 45, she's a bloody whipper-snapper, but still, she's obviously starting to feel the years...

Bring on the sagging everything

Bad back and elastic waist bands

I wanna age

So disgracefully

I don't think I hear you

My tinnitus from the last generation of cokeheads

They're still jeering, it's endearing

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #120: Pretty Women

My favourite song by Australian country singer Kasey Chambers is her Number 1 (Aussie chart) hit from 2002, Not Pretty Enough. Although Chambers was in her mid-20s when she wrote the song, it's the perfect insecure teenage lament...

This song came back to me when I heard its unofficial Mid-Life Crisis sequel from Linda Thompson.

As you may or may not be aware, due to a condition called spasmodic dysphonia, Linda is unable to sing anymore. That seems particularly cruel when you remember just how beautiful her voice used to be...

Richard & Linda Thompson - I Want To See The Bright Lights Tonight

Anyway, Linda hasn't let this stop her putting out a new record, late last year. She just got friends and family to do the singing. Fortunately, she has some very talented friends and family, including son Teddy, daughter Kami, ex-husband Richard... plus the Wainwrights (Rufus and Martha), the Proclaimers and the Unthanks. In a stroke of genius, she even got John Grant to sing a song all about... John Grant. That really shouldn't work, but it does.

Linda Thompson & John Grant - John Grant

The stand out track though is the one sung by Manchester's Ren Harvieu. It could be heard as a woman lamenting the loss of her youthful beauty... but I'm guessing it's more a metaphor for the loss of that beautiful voice we heard earlier...

The album's called Proxy Music, which explains the reason Linda's chosen to dress and pose the way she has on the cover.

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #119: Stumbling Down Memory Lane

I used to have heroes
Now they're dropping like flies
I used to have friends
But they were old school ties
I'm so tired of the ugliness
And I have seen it all
I'm so tired of the hurt in my heart
And I can't stand tall
I must be getting old, I'm missing everything
Don't follow me, I'm stumbling
Down Memory Lane

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Byrsdy jangle of Librarians With Hickeys.

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #118: I'm An Adult Now

I'm an adult now. I have to remind myself of this fact every day. It never gets any easier.

The Pursuit of Happiness came from Toronto in 1985, full of power pop goodness. This was their biggest moment...

Sometimes my head hurts and sometimes my stomach hurts

And I guess it won't be long

'Fore I'm sitting in a room with a bunch

Of people whose necks and backs are aching

Whose sight and hearing's fading

Who just can't seem to get it up

Speaking of hearing, I can't take too much loud music

I mean I like to play it, but I sure don't like the racket

Noise, but I can't hear anything

Just guitars screaming, screaming, screaming

Some guy screaming in a leather jacket

Woah!

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #117: PJANG

Some days, only Lloyd singing Nick even gets close to making a difference...

It ain't that in their hearts they're bad

They can comfort you, some even try

They nurse you when you're ill of health

They bury you when you go and die

It ain't that in their hearts they're bad

They'd stick by you if they could

But that's just bullshit baby

People just ain't no good

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #116: The Curse Of Growing Old

BJ Barham's band American Aquarium are back with a new album, The Fear of Standing Still, and as has become customary, he's not pulling any punches...

I watched my father put his father in the ground

Without a single solitary tear falling down

On the car ride home I remember asking why

He said, "It's simple, son, you're born, you live a little, then you die

Crying ain't gonna bring them back, it's just a waste of time"

My grandmother made it all the way to 93

She saw countless wars, electric cars and colour TV

But then I start to think about all the family and friends

She lost, and how lonely it must have been there at the end

And that's one race to the finish, I'm betting no one wants to win

And the curse of growing old

Is watching everything you love and know

Bloom, die and fade away

The only thing more terrifying

Than coming face to face with dying

Is learning there's a price we all must pay for another day

So the only time I ever saw my father cry

Daytona 01, the day that Senior died*

It's safe to say that was the day that he finally saw

That no star burns forever, eventually they must fall

Raise hell, praise Dale, death is coming for us all

And the curse of growing old

Is watching everything you love and know

Bloom, die and fade away

The only thing more terrifying

Than coming face to face with dying

Is learning there's a price we all must pay for another day

That price is change

Unavoidable change

(*Senior is American stock car racing driver Dale Earnhardt who died in a crash on February 18, 2001. It's not necessary to know that to be affected by this song, but I had the question and now I know the answer.)

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #115: The Nick Cave Hoover

Nick Cave has a new album out, which I finally bought thanks to Swiss Adam's reminders. And it's pretty good, and a bit more upbeat than his last few (understandly) harrowing offerings.

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - O Wow O Wow (How Wonderful She Is)

However, it's one of those earlier songs which keeps popping into my mind lately, specifically whenever I'm doing the hoovering.

I've noticed that the sound of our hoover (which is one of those fancy Dyson ones with a laser on the front, since Louise thought it was amazing to light up every particle of dust on the floor) always makes me feel slightly uneasy. It's like it triggers something in my subconscious, reminding me of a bad dream of some disturbing, repressed memory. 

Then the other day, I worked out why that was...

The drone of the hoover alternates between two high-pitched whines that sound (in my brain, at least) exactly like the ambient whirl of Jesus Alone, the opening track of Skeleton Tree, the album Nick released immediately after the death of his son, Arthur. It's a powerful record, and one which mesmerized me at the time, but it's anything but a comfortable listen, and not an album I ever find myself revisiting for the purposes of relaxation or feel-good nostalgia. Now though, every time I vacuum, the feelings it engendered return, and maybe that's a good thing. Maybe music should make us confront all our emotions, not just the ones we find uplifting. 

Or maybe I just need to get Sam to take over the hoovering...

 

Midlife Crisis Songs #114: Take The D*ckheads Bowling

On Saturday, we took Sam and his mates bowling for his birthday. The title of this post is directed at the family who were in the lane next to ours.

A family with two very small kids, both much younger than Sam. (One was little bigger than a bowling ball.)

The mum's bowling name, up on the screen for the whole place to see, was "C*ntyflaps".

Camper Van Beethoven - Take The Skinheads Bowling

Dad was "Ballbag", in case you were wondering.

Sometimes I despair for the human race...

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #113: Daddy's Speeding

"I am not a blogger - I am a free man!"

I must apologise for being largely absent from the blogosphere over the summer, beyond Snapshots and Namesakes. I've been busy, and even now that I'm back in the normal routine, I'm not sure I have the energy. Bit of an existential blogging crisis. We have them from time to time, don't we? 

Last week, we were in Wales, where I received my first speeding ticket in 34 years of driving. This was for going 26 mph in a 20 zone that appeared out of nowhere (the road went from 60mph to 20mph on a country lane with no buildings or pedestrians, just fields on either side of the road). It seems that the Welsh police are out to raise as much money as possible from unsuspecting incomers... but I'm not sure what this will do to the tourism economy. I doubt I'll be speeding to get back there any time soon. 

Did have a nice visit to Portmeirion though...  

Normal service may or may not be resumed, but in the meantime, here's a few songs about speed...

Suede - Daddy's Speeding

Alabama 3 - Speed of the Sound of Loneliness

Bran Van 3000 - Speed

V2 - Speed Freak

Autograph - Built For Speed

Jason Isbell - Speed Trap Town

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #112: A Worrying Week

My mum broke her hip on Monday, so I've been driving back and forth to the hospital to see her all week. She's 96, so obviously any kind of operation is a big worry (especially when the consultant started outlining all the risks - "you're cheering me up," she replied), but she seems to have come through OK. Tuesday night was a little scary as she was still under the influence of all post-op drugs, and kept trying to remove the tubes while they were trying to give her a blood transfusion. She certainly told the nurses on the ward what she thought of them... 

Now though, her biggest issue is competing with the woman in the bed opposite. "They had her walking today - why aren't I walking? I don't want her to get ahead of me." 

But Mum, she had her operation before you!

"I don't care, if she can start walking, I can."

The nurses told us that recovery from a hip operation has nothing to do with age. Some people in their 60s take ages to get going again - whereas people in their 90s are often congaing down the ward after a few days. I've a feeling my mum will be at the head of the conga.

Here's another track from Sam Baker's 2013 album, Say Grace. It's out of print, but I managed to snag a cheapish copy of eBay. It's really quite lovely.

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #110: The End of Enthusiasm

The Wedding Present - Larry's

This isn’t a post about TV, it’s another post about the passing of time and all its sickening crimes… perhaps the one lyric I come back to more than any other on this blog, with the possible exception of “Someday we’ll look back in this and it will all seem funny”. Or “Irk the purists”. 

I watched the final episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm last week. You may or may not be familiar with the show in which Seinfeld co-creator Larry David plays himself as a miserable old misanthrope constantly butting heads with societal niggles. Like most comedy shows, you’ll either connect with it immediately or wonder what all the fuss is about. Being a miserable old misanthrope myself, I have found Larry a wonderful companion for the show’s duration, and while I don’t always agree with his grievances, I do understand why he gets so worked up about them. 

Dean Friedman - Hey, Larry

But this isn’t a post about Curb Your Enthusiasm. I wouldn’t argue with anyone who said the show was long past its best and wasn’t as funny or as incisive as it once was. After 12 seasons, Curb had definitely become comfortable, but there’s a lot to be said for comfort TV, and I did so enjoy being invited to share in the ups and downs of Larry’s life… especially when you never knew which celebrity guest star was going to pop up to be offended by him next. Bruce Springsteen appeared three times in the final series… that in itself made my day.

Del Shannon - Hats Off To Larry

12 series though… I’ve watched this show for quite some time. And I knew that wasn’t a series a year, because Larry took regular breaks, especially during the pandemic.  Still, I was shocked when I looked back and discovered the first series ran 24 years ago! Hang on a minute… I’ve been watching this show for 24 years? 

Buffalo Tom - Larry

And suddenly, I was taken back to the year 2000. Where I was. Who I was. A completely different person. There’s a popular misconception that all the cells in the human body renew themselves every 7 years, and while that’s not 100% true, there is something in it. I was 28 years old when I started watching Curb. I lived in a different house, worked in a different job, had an entirely different social circle. Liked slightly different records, felt different emotions, saw the future… and the past… in an entirely different way. Somewhat ironically, when the show launched in 2000, Larry David was 52. The same age I am now. I’m not sure why I related to him so much as a 28 year old. In the final episode, he proudly announced that he was 76 year olds… and had never learned a lesson in his life. It made me wonder how many I’ve learned… and how 76 year old me will feel in another 24 years. 2000 doesn’t seem that long ago, and time gets faster every year. 2048 is just around the corner… 

And the days went by like paper in the wind

Everything changed, then changed again

It's hard to find a friend

It's hard to find a friend