Neverending Top Ten #7.3: High School

Elvis Costello - Secondary Modern

Sam started High School on Tuesday. It's easy to forget what a big leap this is, but early signs are good. He's catching the bus to and from school, so I'm no longer required to pick him up and drop him off from wraparound club. Seeing him in his uniform that first day rather choked me up - so big, so grown up, what happened to my little boy, etc. etc.

Sam appears to be taking it all in his stride. He's very resilient young man. He certainly doesn't get that from his dad. I hope he has a better time in High School than I did.

The Just Joans - Back to High School

Here are a few more tunes to usher in this bold new era...

Alice Cooper - Between High School & Old School

Dougie Poole - High School Gym

Bowling For Soup - High School Never Ends

Jerry Lee Lewis - High School Confidential

The Donnas - High School Yum Yum

Taylor Swift - So High School

The Ataris - San Dimas High School Football Rules

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #128: Getting Old Sucks

I'm a big fan of the cartoonist Stephen Collins who does a regular strip in the Saturday Guardian and also wrote the excellent graphic novel The Giant Beard That Was Evil. Above is one of his more recent strips, which I figured might draw some nods of existential approval. I'm hoping you can click on the image to see a larger, readable version. But I'm sure you'll let me know if you can't.

And here's another song from Bowling For Soup, in a similar vein...

We used run wild in the streets now we complain
When cars drive to fast and the music is insanely loud
All the movies are cartoons and remakes of shit 
That was better when we played our music too loud
Now our memories are fading away

Celebrity Jukebox #141: Ozzy Osborne

I'm not going to pretend to have been a huge Ozzy fan, but I could easily have been. It's the road not travelled...

Black Sabbath - Paranoid

After all these years of myth-making, the TV show, the family, the self-mockery and the colossal caricature (not to mention biting the head off that bat), I readily accept that there are two types of people who know much more about Ozzy than I ever will: the dedicated heavy rock fans (I dabble, but I'm not a connoisseur) and those who know very little about music at all... but just enjoyed the Show. (And by that, I don't just mean The Osbornes.)

Ozzy Osborne - Perry Mason

I'll let you in on a little secret through... whenever I come across an old Ozzy track I've not heard before, like the one above, I dig it. Because I've always had a soft spot for metal that isn't too metal. Really, it's just pop music with louder guitars.

Ozzy Osborne - Let Me Hear You Scream

If nothing else, Ozzy was a Show. And beyond that, he was the very best kind of rock star: one who never took himself too seriously... or at all seriously. That's the way he came across to me, anyway.

 

As is customary in this feature, I went looking for songs that might mention the dearly departed. And only then did I realise just how far Ozzy's influence stretches... and how much bigger he was in the States than in his home country. As you'd expect, some of these songs are quite loud...

Alien Crime Syndicate - Ozzy

We saw Ozzy on our first date

Our special song is Crazy Train

Making out in the middle of the pit

How come Slayer doesn't sing about this

If anything comes between you and me

Then heavy metal heaven, that's where we'll meet

Nerf Herder - Pantera Fans In Love

I know metal is dead

But I want to bang my head

And throw my fists up into the air

I know Ozzy Osbourne's old but I don't care

Diesel Boy - Cock Rock

But they're not all rock songs.

I'm a cross between Manson, Esham and Ozzy

I don't know why the fuck I'm here in the first place

Eminem - Still Don't Give A Fuck

Quite a lot of rappers mention Ozzy in favourable terms... perhaps for obvious reasons. But you might not expect him to pop up in a country tune...

Ever since I met you, girl, you been on my brain

I can't think of nothin' else but you all night and day

It's like I got a first-class seat up on Ozzy's train

And it's drivin' me insane

Dierks Bentley - 5-1-5-0

Maybe it's more to be expected in the place where country meets rock...

So I never saw Lynyrd Skynyrd but I sure saw Ozzy Osbourne

With Randy Rhoads in '82 Right before that plane crash

The Drive-By Truckers - Let There Be Rock

Punk rockers obviously tipped their hats to Ozzy...

Tipper, what's that sticker sticking on my CD?

Is that some kind of warning to protect me?

Freedom of choice needs a stronger, stronger voice

You can stamp out the source, but you can't stop creative thought

Ah, Tipper, come on

Ain't you been getting it on?

Ask Ozzy, Zappa or me

We'll show you what it's like to be free

The Ramones - Censorshit

"We came home and found our son

Lying dead on his bed of a gunshot wound

He had his headphones on

And there was an Ozzy record on the turntable

So, we called our lawyer"

The Dead Kennedys - Triumph Of The Swill

And while I'm pretty sure this reggae hit from the 70s wasn't about The Prince of Darkness... it would be nice to imagine he might have been an influence.

Rasta Ozzy from up de hill

Decide fi check 'pon 'im grocery bill

An' when him add up de t'ings him need

De dunny done wha' him save fi buy likkle weed

Pluto Shervington - Dat

Even ultra-cool Canadians love Ozzy...

Pop pop, fizz fizz

Ohhhhh what a sweet leaf it is

Like Ozzy Osbourne I was born to perform

Aww, zeah?

Chilly Gonzales - So-Called Party Over There

Now before we get to today's winner... here's Beck's tribute...

Beck - Ozzy

When it came to choosing my favourite Ozzy tribute song though, there was no contest. Especially as the lead singer of this band once left a comment on my blog. Here's B4S with a song about the passing of time, and all its sickening crimes...

She hates time, make it stop

When did Mötley Crüe become classic rock? 

And when did Ozzy become an actor?

Please make this stop, stop, stop...

Celebrity Jukebox #134: Val Kilmer

He was Jim Morrison* and Elvis Presley**.

He was The Iceman.

He was Batman, a good enough Batman, in a not-that-great Batman movie.

He even played the voice of KITT the car in a Knight Rider remake.

*In Oliver Stone's The Doors, Val did an excellent Jim Morrison impression, in looks, speech and song...

(**In Tony Scott's film of Quentin Tarantino's True Romance.)

Val Kilmer had a huge screen presence when I was growing up. His star has dwindled and he's been fighting throat cancer in recent years (reluctant to engage with medical procedures due to his religious beliefs), but his death, at only 65, still comes as a shock.

On hearing of his passing, I immediately remembered Father John Misty name-dropping him in this story of faded Hollywood glamour from his 2022 LP Chloë and the Next 20th Century.

Val Kilmer had a wall length
Mirror just over there
Well, I'm sure he's someone else now
But he was Batman when he lived here

Next up: Lee Majors. Not that one! This Lee Majors was a rapper in Da Bush Babees, but he also teamed up with Green for this little ditty from Scritti...

I swear I bring the Heat to tracks like Val Kilmer

Scritti Politti - Tinseltown To The Boogiedown

Hundreds of rappers namedrop Val in their lyrics, probably because of his tough guy / take no shit image, but rap will never be my specialist subject, so I'll close today with our old friends Bowling For Soup... even if they do think Val "sucked as Batman". You can't please all the people all the time.

Saturday Snapshots #374 - A Top Ten 80s Songs (Year By Year)

This weekend on Snapshots, we took a trip back to the 80s... one year at a time. 

10. Short, mild Freud gets snarky.

The Freud in question was Clement (like mild weather), shortened to Clem. He's rather Snide.

Clem Snide - 1989

9. Do you confuse your arm with your nose?

Mix up the letters from "arm" and "nose" and you get...

The Ramones - Planet Earth 1988

8. Cheap Crystal.

Diamante - 1987

7. Aged Erny gets rather befuddled at times, doesn't he?

"Aged Erny" was an anagram in no way associated with any Ernies you might know who spell their names differently.

Green Day - 86

6. Knock over the minestrone cans.

Bowling For Soup - 1985

Arguably the best song ever written about the 1980s.

5. You may pick him up on Channel Two.

A lyric from Starman, as I'm sure you were aware...

David Bowie - 1984

4. Johnny Allen, also known as Buster.

Jimi's real name, and childhood nickname.

Jimi Hendrix Experience - 1983... (A Merman I Should Turn to Be)

3. Me Too, Dave Lee?

Is someone accusing the Hairy Cornflake of getting Randy?

Randy Travis - 1982

2. Fortunately, that photo of you with your tongue up against the door of the Dog & Duck won't last long.

The pub-lick image had a limited life span...

Public Image Limited - 1981

1. Anni bars Jock after he gets closer tonight... what an upset!

"Anni bars Jock" and "closer tonight" were both anagrams...

Gil Scott Heron & Brian Jackson - 1980

Get Back To The Future with more Snapshots next Saturday...

Snapshots #351: A Top Ten Hat Songs

Hats off to you if you identified all this week's artists... and worked out which hats they were wearing...

10. Corporal Hum is an enigma.

Corporal Hum is an anagram.

Procol Harum - Homburg

9. Discovered inside Electric Ladyland. 

Electric Ladyland. 

Bob Dylan - Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat

8. Take the skinheads for a nice mulligatawny.

Take the skinheads bowling... for soup!

Bowling For Soup - Trucker Hat

7. Merciless villain becomes an American citizen. 

Ming was Merciless, until he went to the US.

Charles Mingus - Goodbye, Pork Pie Hat

6. Pick up, before you get to Pace.

A pick up is a van. Hale 'n' Pace.

Van Halen - Panama

5. Sounds like you split up with a South African runner.

If Zola (Budd) became your ex, you would be...

Zolar X - I Pulled My Helmet Off

4. Don't get tangled up in a sticky romance.

"Sticky romance" was an anagram...

Arctic Monkeys - Balaclava

3. Kamadeva and Rati.

Kamadeva and Rati were the Hindu deities in charge of romance. 

Hindu Love Gods - Raspberry Beret

(That's Warren Zevon & REM... minus Michael... if you're wondering.)

2. Rexton Rawlston Fernando Gordon found the answer within.

Rexton Rawlston Fernando Gordon is the artist also known as ShABBA Ranks.

Abba - Put On Your White Sombrero

1. Even my vision is impaired... I'm losing my hair.

And those are lyrics from Just Like Fred Astaire by James.

The top hat had to be a Top Hat...

Fred Astaire - Top Hat, White Tie & Tails

A few more hats to try on before we go...

Billy Bragg & Wilco - Stetson Kennedy

James Moody - Trilby

Oysterband - The Sailor's Bonnet

And, of course,...

Steely Dan - The Fez

Throw your hats in the ring again next Saturday morning...

Celebrity Jukebox #79: Mary Tyler Moore

My knowledge of Mary Tyler Moore is somewhat second-hand as I was just too young to have watched her groundbreaking sitcoms, though I do remember watching spin-offs such as Rhoda and Lou Grant with my mum. Mary's reputation as a feminist icon appears well-deserved though: as one of the most successful female stars in American TV, the joint head of the production company that gave us everything from Newhart to Hill Street Blues, a prominent campaigner for social rights... and the woman who put Dick Van Dyke in his place long before Julie Andrews.... MTM is clearly a legend.

Her jukebox legacy is pretty legendary too, starting with Prince...

Skip the Remy and let me have some Mary Tyler Moore of that new power soul

Comin' from the Midwest passin' every test with a fuzz tone remote control

Prince - Mr. Happy 

Then the artist formerly known as Tin Tin...

Like Mary Tyler-Moore

She stares across the yawning tide

Out of love and terrified

Stephen Duffy - Sunday Supplement

This blog's only claim to fame is that, many years ago, the lead singer of Bowling For Soup once left a comment here. This is BFS's version of the Mary Tyler Moore theme tune... which REM have also played live, but I can't find their version anywhere on the interweb.

Bowling For Soup - The Mary Tyler Moore Theme

Next, we find Ian Hunter hoopling his across the channel...

Well I'm an All American Alien Boy

Look out Mary Tyler Moore

Ian Hunter - All American Alien Boy

The Hold Steady are firm favourites here at Top Ten Towers, and they've got a new album out this week. Here's one from their 2005 classic Separation Sunday...

I was half dead then I got born again

I got lost in all the lights but it was okay in the end

And when we hit the Twin Cities, I didn't know that much about it

I knew Mary Tyler Moore and I knew Profane Existence

The Hold Steady - Stevie Nix

In a similar sonic vein, here's a lost classic from an album I was very much into back in 1999, Ed Hamell's song about a sleazy Private Eye...

So I ditch these guys quick, I take a cab to the address

And the housemaid gives up the photos with very little stress

But as I round the corner something dawns on me

I recognize from these photos, this old actor from TV

And he's having sex with children, now this would close the door

On future shots on Bay Watch and Mary fuckin' Tyler Moore

So I visit this old actor, firmly explain my situation

And he gives me 90 G's to show his appreciation

Hamell On Trial - Choochtown

OK, how about a couple of songs that mention MTM in their title? Starting with a 90s Christian alt-rock band from Texas...

Lloyd - Mary Tyler Moore

Then some 80s Aussie indie from Whangarei...

Able Tasmans - Mary Tyler Moore

And now, from the "Never Heard Of 'Em But Still Not Bad" file, here's a San Francisco band "that plays original indie rock music with hints of progressive"...

I've got a face for radio 

And a voice that's meant only 

To sing drunken karaoke 

Singing ooh-ee-oo 

I look just like Buddy Holly 

And you're Mary Tyler Moore 

Everywhere Now - Sounds

Hey! Wait a second. I recognise that lyric! And that's not the only place I've found it referenced...

Need a tall girl, '70s Jane Fonda

Or Mary Tyler Moore, Iran, no war

I look just like Buddy Holly, no I don't, "Oh, Boy!"

Smörgåsbord - The Damn Loudness 

Yes, I guess the true proof of a legendary hit single comes when other bands start referencing your song in their own tunes. There was only ever going to be one winner today... but the question is, did Mary ever meet Buddy in real life?

And the answer is... no, though she was apparently a fan. MTM began appearing in The Dick Van Dyke Show shortly after Buddy's death in 1961, and when she got her own show, Sonny Curtis from the Crickets was given the job of writing and performing the theme tune we discussed earlier.

So that answers that. The only question remaining... What's with these homies, dissing my girl?

My Top Ten Songs That Go On And On

Work is swallowing me whole at the moment, so I don't have time to go on and on... instead here's ten tunes that can do the job for me.


10. Ben Lee - On & On

From the album Hey You, Yes You... which I think we can all agree is a great title for an album. This is a pretty cool opening line too...

Without a gun, I'd be defenceless against you...

9. Ocean Colour Scene - On And On

I've no idea why OCS get so much stick from the Muso Police. This is a lovely little tune; a b-side, I think. They deserve more respect.

8. Bowling For Soup - On And On (About You)

Aww, sweet.

If it were up to me

I'd like to buy you flowers everyday

Make everyday a holiday

Carry on and on and on about you and the things you do

The things you do

7. Jack White - On And On And On

What does Jack White do best: play the guitar, or do the production that makes his guitar playing stand out so well?

6. Wilco - On And On And On

One day we'll disappear

Together in a dream

However short or long

Our lives are going to be

5. The Longpigs - On And On

And I wish you would leave me

And I wish you would go

And I wish you didn't need me

And I wish I didn't love you so.

4. Abba - On And On And On

I think this is about as close as Abba ever got to politics...

I was at a party and this fella said to me

"Something bad is happening, I'm sure you do agree

People care for nothing, no respect for human rights

Evil times are coming, we are in for darker,"

I said, "Who are you to talk about impending doom?"

He got kinda wary as he looked around the room

He said, "I'm a minister, a big shot in the state"

I said, "I just can't believe it, boy I think it's great

Brother can you tell me what is right and what is wrong?"

He said, "Keep on rocking baby, 'til the night is gone"

3. The Feelies - On And On

Hey na na na na na na na...

2. Stephen Bishop - On And On

Poor ol'Jimmy

Sits alone in the moonlight

Saw his woman kiss another man

So he takes a ladder

Steals the stars from the sky

Puts on Sinatra and starts to cry...

1. Status Quo - Burning Bridges (On And Off And On Again)

OK, so there's a stray "off" in there, but we'll let that pass for one of the Quo's finest moments. Swing those guitars!


Feel free to go on and on in the comments if you can think of any more...

Hot 100 Countdown #85

No, I've no idea what the record above is, but it's got an 85 in the title so its appropriate this week as our numerical countdown of songs reaches... erm, the year I became a teenager.

Sadly, I'm still trying to keep away from year songs unless absolutely desperate... otherwise this would be a clear winner:

Bowling For Soup - 1985

(A long time ago, on a previous blog, I posted a Top Ten which featured a Bowling For Soup song. When I posted the link on twitter... as I used to do but can't be bothered doing any more... the lead singer from BFS responded to my tweet asking which his band wasn't #1 in the Top Ten. I replied that if I ever did a Top Ten 1985 Songs, they would be Number One. At the time, I didn't realise their version was a cover... but he liked my response anyway. I feel like I should call Shaun Keaveny's Small Claims Court with that story one day.)

Anyway, I'll let Rigid Digit tell you about this week's most popular suggestion...

The Bay City Rollers - when Les McKeown left, and Tam Paton was "relieved of his duties", the Tartan Terrors shortened their name to the toughr sounding The Rollers, played their own instruments, and changed their sound from teenyboppop to a slightly tougher new wave-y sounding style.
No success followed.
What's that got to do with 85?
Their second album with abbreviated name (called Voxx) contained the song 85

He adds...

(a possible first mention for this band?)

Definite.

(I've got it on a ropy compilation, but can't find it on t'interweb)

Me neither. So I'll have to take your... and Alyson's... word over its greatness.

Other than that, only Chris had any suggestions to offer, two of which I will ignore... because the third is this week's winner! Last week we had 86 TVs, this week it's 85 Videos by dreamy Danish indie band Mew. Quite lovely it is too...



Next week: 84. Nothing Orwellian allowed. I bet one of you will guess the winner though... I think it may well have featured his quite recently.

My Top Ten Emily Songs

With the exception of Kenny Wednesdays, I haven't done a first name Top Ten in quite a while. So...

There are actually very few Emilies in my record collection. The only artists I could find were Emily Robinson from the Dixie Chicks; French singer Emily Loizeau, whose songs appear to have been recorded by everybody from Shelby Lynne to The Mountain Goats; Emily Barker & The Red Clay Halo; Emily Kinney (above), who you might recognise as Beth from The Walking Dead, but she writes some pretty cool songs too; and a not-half-bad cover of Asleep by The Smiths by Australian actress Emily Browning, from the soundtracker of Sucker Punch.

But when it came to songs about Emilies... there were LOADS!


10. Pink Floyd - See Emily Play

I feel like I'm contractually obliged to include this. Not being a true muso, I never really got The Floyd. Nothing against them, I just never really saw what all the fuss was about. I probably appreciate the Syd Barrett stuff a bit more... although I prefer the David Bowie and Martha Wainwright versions of this song, if I'm totally honest.

9. Stephen Fretwell - Emily

Something about the name Emily must attract earnest young singer songwriters, since that's what most of this week's chart is made up of...

8. Bowling For Soup - Emily

...with a couple of, ahem, obvious exceptions. Nothing earnest about this lot.

7. Adam Green - Emily

Take one Moldy Peach... add a bunch of dangerous ladies, mix, watch the sparks fly.

6. Esiotrot - Emily Scott

More from that backwards tortoise, about the daughter of a clergyman who will wash your hair when it gets dirty. Lovely brass section on this.

5. The Handsome Family - Emily Shore 1819-1839

Emily Shore was a young English woman who died of consumptiom at the age of 19 in the early 1800s. Her diaries were published over 50 years later, and a century or so after that they inspired Brett and Rennie Sparks.

4. Luke Douchet - Emily, Please

Excellent track from Luke's 2005 album, Broken (And Other Rogue States). Great live version I found on youtube in which Luke duets with his wife, Melissa Mclelland.

3. Simon & Garfunkel - For Emily, Whenever I May Find Her

Art goes solo on this one: peerless romantic nostalgia from Paul. 

I wandered empty streets
Down past the shop displays.
I heard cathedral bells
Tripping down the alley ways,
As I walked on.

And when you ran to me
Your cheeks flushed with the night.
We walked on frosted fields of juniper and lamplight,
I held your hand.

John Grant did an excellent cover of this with The Czars. 

2. Louis Eliot - Emily

Second best song I own about a long lost teenage girlfriend called Emily... from the former Rialto frontman.

Took off our ties straight after school
For lager and limes and shooting pool
Underhand cigarettes to compilation cassettes...

1. Art Brut - Emily Kane

I miss Eddie Argos. I don't know what he's up to these days, but we need him back.

I don't even know where she lives.

I've not seen her in 10 years, 9 months, 3 weeks, 4 days, 6 hours, 13 minutes, 5 seconds.
Other girls went and other girls came, 

I can't get over my old flame.
All my friends think I'm insane, 

I'm still in love with Emily Kane.
There's a beast in my soul that can't be tamed, 

I'm still in love with Emily Kane.

Those were my ten favourites (well, nine and one contractual obligation), but I easily had enough Emily songs for a Top Twenty-Five. Perhaps I'll do a volume 2... once I've covered every other name in my Big Book of Baby Names. Suggestions are always welcomed...

My Top Ten Ohio Songs

Not done one of my US road trip Top Tens for awhile. Wasn't sure I could get a whole post out of songs about the Buckeye State, but it's amazing what you find when you start digging around in your music library...


10. Over The Rhine - Ohio

A native band who take their name from a historic neighbourhood in Cincinnati. Lovely song.

9. The Ohio Players - O.H.I.O.

The funkiest Ohio band ever, these guys were together in one guise or another for over 40 years, scoring a pair of US Number Ones in the mid-70s, Fire and Love Rollercoaster (covered in the 90s by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers who had a minor UK hit with it). O.H.I.O. isn't their greatest moment, but it is the one that spells out their state of origin.

8. Super Furry Animals - Ohio Heat

Sycamore trees blowing green in the distance
She sucked on her thumb in her beautiful jail
A sentence to serve as her dynasty blows up inside her balloon
Salty Maureen had a bun in the oven
The daughters of charity let out a sigh
As she suffered they pleaded for mercy she needed a long time ago

And that is why the SFA are ace.

7. The Melting Ice Caps - Ohio

You have to wonder whether professional British miserablist David Shah has ever set foot in Ohio. Sometimes I wonder if he ever sets foot out of his house. Still, more power to him as long as he keeps recording tunes like this one, free to download from the band's website at the link above.

I also just discovered they released a new album last year - available to buy from the Indelicates' Corporate Records site. I look forward to giving that a spin.

6. The Handsome Family - Banks of the Ohio

A traditional folk song murder ballad covered by everyone from Johnny Cash to Olivia Newton John (in, of all places, a Cliff Richard movie). But the Handsome Family always win in the Murder Ballad Olympics as far as I'm concerned.

5. Bowling For Soup - Ohio (Come Back To Texas)

Bowling For Soup always make me smile.

4. Lambchop - Ohio

A song about Kurt Wagner's childhood paper round. I think. It's too lovely to dwell on the meaning - just enjoy the feeling.

3. Nilsson - Dayton, Ohio 1903

A Randy Newman song (here's the original), but the Harry Nilsson version is preferable... because it's Harry bloody-beautiful Nilsson.

Sing a song of long ago
When things were green and movin' slow
And people'd stop to say hello
Or they'd say "hi" to you
"Would you like to come over for tea
With the missus and me?"
It's a real nice way
To spend the day
In Dayton, Ohio
On a lazy Sunday afternoon in 1903

2. The National - Bloodbuzz Ohio

The National get carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees. Just another day at the office for them guys.

1. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Ohio

Neil Young's scream of protest against the Kent State massacre was banned by American radio for pointing the finger of blame at Richard Nixon. It remains one of the most powerful protest songs ever written.

The Dandy Warhols also did a suitably trippy cover.


Those were my Buckeyed Best... but which is your champion conker*?


(*On investigation, I discovered that the Buckeye is a tree which produces conkers similar to our own Horse Chestnut. See, we're not only about the obscure pop records here.)