Saturday Snapshots #374 - A Top Ten 80s Songs (Year By Year)

This weekend on Snapshots, we took a trip back to the 80s... one year at a time. 

10. Short, mild Freud gets snarky.

The Freud in question was Clement (like mild weather), shortened to Clem. He's rather Snide.

Clem Snide - 1989

9. Do you confuse your arm with your nose?

Mix up the letters from "arm" and "nose" and you get...

The Ramones - Planet Earth 1988

8. Cheap Crystal.

Diamante - 1987

7. Aged Erny gets rather befuddled at times, doesn't he?

"Aged Erny" was an anagram in no way associated with any Ernies you might know who spell their names differently.

Green Day - 86

6. Knock over the minestrone cans.

Bowling For Soup - 1985

Arguably the best song ever written about the 1980s.

5. You may pick him up on Channel Two.

A lyric from Starman, as I'm sure you were aware...

David Bowie - 1984

4. Johnny Allen, also known as Buster.

Jimi's real name, and childhood nickname.

Jimi Hendrix Experience - 1983... (A Merman I Should Turn to Be)

3. Me Too, Dave Lee?

Is someone accusing the Hairy Cornflake of getting Randy?

Randy Travis - 1982

2. Fortunately, that photo of you with your tongue up against the door of the Dog & Duck won't last long.

The pub-lick image had a limited life span...

Public Image Limited - 1981

1. Anni bars Jock after he gets closer tonight... what an upset!

"Anni bars Jock" and "closer tonight" were both anagrams...

Gil Scott Heron & Brian Jackson - 1980

Get Back To The Future with more Snapshots next Saturday...

Product Placement Friday #6: Domestos

When I was a kid, the burning bush in the corner of our living room told me that Domestos kills ALL known germs: DEAD.

Nowadays, I'm disappointed to hear that it only kills 99.9% of those pesky germs, which makes me wonder about the mutant 0.1% that has grown resistant to the power of bleach. Presumably that includes the Covid germs, which is why Donald's Trump's plan for us all to guzzle Domestos like Night Nurse never caught on.

Let's keep George happy by starting with Mark E. Smith, lucid as ever...

If you deny that strong pot or ecstasy imbibed you will end up

Eyeball injecting with Domestos or household using chemicals that contain

The Fall - Shake-Off

Chumbawamba, meanwhile, just don't like any of these big brands. Birds Eye. Oxo. Persil. Lifebuoy...

Domestos kills all known truths dead

Chumbawamba - Unilever

Butter fan John Lydon, on the other hand, won't have a word said against it...

Domestos is domestic bliss!

Public Image Ltd - Double Trouble

However, it's me old pal Jim Bob, along with his old pal Fruitbat, who kills all other contenders dead this week, with two different tracks that reference Domestos on their album 101 Damnations. First there's a full church choir...

Carter USM - The Road To Domestos

And then there's this old Rubbish...

From John O'Groats to Elmer's End

With busted lights and dodgy plates

Scrawled with a ball point pen

R U B B I S H

I'm underage and uninsured

On the High Road to Domestos

Chloraflouracarbon, Lord

Asbestos lead asbestos!

Celebrity Jukebox #30: Louise Brooks

On Wednesday, George complained about the "recent lurch to modern times" this feature had taken by featuring contemporary celebrities such as Bill Bixby and Nerys Hughes (God help him when I do my Scarlett Johansson post). And so, to keep Celebrity Jukebox's biggest fan happy, I've chosen someone today he should be more familiar with.

Louise Brooks was a Ziegfeld Follies dancer who signed a five year movie deal with Paramount in 1925 and became one of the biggest female stars of the Silent Movie era, although her career never really transitioned into the talkies and her star fell quite dramatically in the 30s.

Coincidentally, I came across a song that I never knew was about Louise Brooks while compiling my Top Ten Greek Mythology Songs last week. The intro to the video of OMD's 1991 single Pandora's Box tells how the Louise Brooks movie of the same name was banned by Adolf Hitler as "degenerate art". I bet he kept a copy for himself though. The song tells Louise's life story far better than I could...

Born in Kansas on an ordinary plain

Ran to New York but ran away from fame

Only seventeen when all your dreams come true

But all you wanted was someone to undress you

And all the stars you kissed could never ease the pain

Still the grace remains and though the face has changed

You're still the same

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark don't mention Louise by name though. To find an actual lyrical mention, we have to listen to 15 minutes of post-Fish Marillion...

Marillion - Interior Lulu

As you lie there on your bed

Beneath the face of Louise Brooks

With your makeup and your teddy bear

And your C.S. Lewis books

Bad seed

You're a bad seed

Alternatively, if you're really brave, you might try Germany's answer to Ultravox...

Deine Lakaien - A Fish Called Prince

And Pious told me even more

About stars that shine forever on

The times of Bara, Gish, Louise Brooks

And above all his queen called June

I presume he's talking about June Whitfield.

Or... you might subject yourself to some Campag Velocet. Now I'm just the right age to have been regularly reading the NME when they proclaimed Campag Velocet the next big thing. Which probably explains why nobody's heard of them since.

Campag Velocet - Sauntry Sly Chic

Louise brooks bob

Rouge red lipstick

Beauty spot

She's got what it takes

What I find most interesting about that track is that it climaxes thus...

I'm on the chaise longue 

I'm on the chaise longue

I'm on the chaise longue 

I'm on the chaise longue

Which makes me wonder if Wet Leg were reading the NME when they were 3.

Wet Leg - Chaise Longue

(Regardless, that's a million times better than anything Campag Velocet ever produced.)

Then we have John "Butter Salesman" Lydon, arriving stateside in his Y-fronts...

Public Image Ltd - Bettie Page

When Bettie Page was on the run

And my west was way out west

And Louise Brooks speak the crooks

The greatest pornographic country in the world

Welcome to America USA

Arriving in my underpants

Land of the free

Home of the naked

And the brave

And for all you 80s kids out there (not George), some Optimus Prime...

Robots In Disguise - Don't Copy Me

Was your hair cut by the council?

Two in one, Louise Brookes and Shirley Temple

One Madonna glove and a jacket too tight

Are you wearing your whole badge collection out tonight?

That made me smile.

But I think today's winner is Nashville-based, Boston born "street rocker" Tom Ovans, who... and I'm just spit-balling here... might own a Bob Dylan record. Or two.

Well, she looked like Louise Brooks from one of them old silent movies

I think it was the one where she gets beaten to death

But when her eyes caught mine down in that city of crime

I knew it was a day I could never forget

My Top Ten Hard Times Songs

Without realising he'd done it, Charity Chic threw down the gauntlet yesterday when he chose three fine songs about Hard Times.

Here's another ten... and I still had to leave out the Human League! Sorry, Brian. (I also had to leave out Kiss, but I imagine you'll be less upset by that.)


10. Run DMC - Hard Times

Gotta start with this one as it has the perfect opening lines...

Hard times spreading just like the flu

Watch out homeboy, don't let it catch you

9. Paul Simon - Love & Hard Times

One of those lyrics that only Paul Simon could get away with.

God and His only Son

Paid a courtesy call on Earth

One Sunday morning

Orange blossoms opened their fragrant lips

Songbirds sang from the tips of Cottonwoods

Old folks wept for His love in these hard times

"Well, we got to get going, " said the restless Lord to the Son

There are galaxies yet to be born

Creation is never done

Anyway, these people are slobs here

If we stay it's bound to be a mob scene

But, disappear, and it's love and hard times

8. Public Image Limited - Hard Times

The slogan will take you like lemmings to the cliff

You'll feel better than ever, and into the abyss

Every crack every crevice will be sanitised

There'll be no more war, there'll be no more choice

7. Jimmy Buffet - There's Nothing Soft About Hard Times

We never knew anything groovy.

A dime meant bread, and not a movie.

The muscles that control my smile were rarely ever used.

'Cause there's nothing soft about hard times.

6. The Shirelles - Hard Times

Last time I had a brand new hat

The people thought the world was flat

5. The Imagined Village (featuring Billy Bragg) - Hard Times Of Old England

Time was I could sell all I grew at the shop

When Tesco's turned up all of that had to stop

Now I can't make a living out of my crop

Singing oh the hard times of old England

4. Loudon Wainwright III - Times Is Hard

You're watchin' the news. It all looks bad.

The worst half-hour you ever had.

What in God's name is goin' on?

All I can do is play this song.

3. Eels - Rock Hard Times

Hollywood lies piled up to the sky

Floating your way soon

Hope you like the rotten stench of doom

And everybody knows these are rock hard times

I gotta make it through

These are rock hard times

2. Baby Huey & The Baby Sitters - Hard Times

Written by Curtis Mayfield, but I prefer the Baby Huey version.

Eatin' Spam and Oreos and drinkin' Thunderbird baby

1. John Mellencamp - Hard Times For An Honest Man

From the times when John Mellencamp could do no wrong.

And he hates the cold-bloodedness

That runs inside

Hot 100 #57

Roger Daltrey illustrates this week's entry in our countdown - 57 Varieties, from The Who Sell Out.

There was an obvious answer this week, and a less obvious answer: both came from the same artist... who most of you will be aware is a favourite of mine. Which song did I choose? Wait and see. In the meantime, a few alternatives from you guys...

The Swede suggested Banging on the Door by PiL, for another Heinz-related reference...

This lot are not happy heroes, just better actors,
A hundred and one dilations, and fifty seven varieties,

Outside with the empties, keep banging the door...

He also offered Waltz 57 by minimal electronic duo Swod, from their 2004 album 'Gehen'. And of course, you lost me at "minimal electronic duo".

Lynchie popped up next with the following...

1957 by Milo Greene is quite pleasant.

Yes, it is.

Biffy Clyro - 57 on the other hand is a mess.

Yes, it is. They might as well have worn "We wanna be Nirvana!"

Lynchie adds...

I always thought he was called Biffy Giro, until I saw him on BBC Scotland's Hogmanay show.

Biffy Giro would be a better band name.

Lynchie's final suggestion would have been a serious contender most other weeks...

Come In From The Cold by Joni Mitchell opens with the words:

Back in 1957
We had to dance a foot apart
And they hawk-eyed us from the sidelines
Holding their rulers without a heart...

...words which any prepubescent boy or girl born before 1963 can identify with.

Indeed. Scary times... why do I find myself longing for that innocence again?

C turned up next, to offer something she confessed "wasn't the sort of song I'd normally nominate but it must surely be a contender..."

Crowded House - Weather With You

Walking 'round the room singing
Stormy Weather
At 57 Mt. Pleasant Street

Can't argue with that. 

Finally, Martin did his usual crack investigative job and came up with a couple of belters...

I Can See Elvis by The Waterboys has the lyric:

I can see Elvis, skinny like he was back in '57.

...and Firecracker by Sleeper, which has:

57 kids, and all of them ugly...

So, then: the winner. Most of you seemed to think I'd choose 57 Channels (And Nothing On) which is certainly a fine tune, even though it comes from Bruce's fallow period in the 90s.

For me though, this is even better. From his second album (his first with the E Street Band), this 8 minute epic points the way to Born To Run both in its length and its storytelling. It also contains what is for me one of the best lines Bruce ever wrote - or at least, one of those lines that pops into my head all the time and has done throughout my life...

"Johnny, it falls apart so easy and you know hearts these days are cheap"

There are certain lyrics that do that in my head. They've almost become part of my internal idiolect. (Other lines from Bruce that do the same thing are "if you can take a man's life for the thoughts that are in his head" from Johnny 99 and the lines at the top of the page from No Surrender. Plus most of Born To Run & Thunder Road.)

Anyway, with apologies to 90s Bruce... 70s Bruce will always win in my book...

Next week... 56? I can sense a Nobel Prize winning suggestion, but beyond that it's a pretty open playing field...

Saturday Snapshots #53 - The Answers

The screen door slams... and the answers to Saturday Snapshots arrive. Were these Tougher Than The Rest? Not for you lot...

This week's Early Bird was Lynchie... I'm stopping calling it "winner" as first up gets the pick of the crop. Congrats, anyway, Lynchie. And welcome along to first-time player, Walter. About time you guys got a bit of competition.


10. If you think this is The Man In Black, you probably need new spectacles.

The Man In Black was Johnny Cash. You can work out the rest yourself.

Johnny Nash - I Can See Clearly Now

9. Evergreen girl loses 50 Romans on a very short visit. (I'll be impressed if anyone gets this.)

Pine is an evergreen.

50 in Roman numerals is L. Take that away from girl and you get gir.

A very short visit would be...

Piney Gir - Greetings, Salutations, Goodbye

(Well done, Martin. Bonus point for that - especially as you'd never heard of her.)

8. Bubbly seaman.

Sailor - Glass of Champagne

7. How other people see us, for a very short time, on the up.

How other people see us is our public image.

Short time = limited.

Public Image Ltd. - Rise

(John Lydon videos are always good value, even if you don't like the song.)

6. Juvenile offenders up before the judge... arrive late.

Teenagers in court?

The Courteeners - What Took You So Long?

5. Spicy C needs a locksmith.

Mel C was the best Spice Girl.

Melanie - Brand New Key

4. Abraham & Stewart get warm with missing astronauts and their fishy boss.

Abraham Lincoln & Rod Stewart get hot.

Missing astronauts would be Lost Planet Airmen.

Their fishy boss would be Commander Cody.

Commander Cody & His Lost Planet Airmen - Hot Rod Lincoln

3. Aggressive women burn on hot days.

Violent Femmes - Blister In The Sun

2. A 2 cm wok fights passionately.

A cm wok is an anagram for Womack. The 2's in there because there are two of them.

Womack & Womack - Love Wars

1. Aussie adolescent waits for summer and won't give up.

Bruce.

Spring's - teen.

Will never surrender.

Can you believe it's taken me 53 weeks to get to him?

Alyson worked out the who, but it took non-Boss-fan C to work out the song, even though the lyrics are in the header of this very blog...

It's a town full of losers, but you're all pulling out of here to win.

More Saturday Snapshots For You next week...

My Top Ten Better Days Songs

There's been a lot of doom and gloom and pessimism around these parts lately. So here's ten songs wishing us all better days in the future...

10. Madness - One Better Day

One of the less successful Madness singles, perhaps because it lacks a killer chorus. (Although that never stopped Squeeze's Up The Junction.)

9. Guy Clark - Better Days

One of my favourite discoveries of the last 12 months: Guy Clark. Even though we lost him last year, there's much more where this came from...

See the wings unfolding that weren't there just before
On a ray of sunshine she dances out the door
Out into the morning light where the sky is all ablaze
This looks like the first of better days

8. The Bees - (This Is For The) Better Days

Always good to hear a song that references Jack & The Beanstalk. (The curse of writing this blog is that I now want to go find another nine.)

The Bees are from The Isle of Wight and have to be called The Band of Bees in America because, presumably, there's already an American band of Bees.

7. George Jones & Tammy Wynette - I've Seen Better Days

Of course, this being a George Jones song, you can pretty much guarantee the better days are in the rear view mirror, disappearing into a blip at a hundred miles an hour. 


6. Public Image Ltd. - Home

I don't hold John Lydon in the same esteem that many of my blogging buddies do. Nothing against him, but I was a bit too young to appreciate punk at the time and by the time I did get to know him, he'd become something of a figure of fun. That said, I like that side of him, the buttery part which seems completely unashamed to make a tit of himself in the service of popular music, and Home is a great example of that. The only song in this list not to feature a "Better Day" in the title: but that phrase is all over the chorus. Plus, you get to see Sideshow Bob trash a house in the video, and that's always worth the price of admission.

5. Citizen King- Better Days (And The Bottom Drops Out)

One of the best things about writing this blog is when I trip over songs in my record collection that I'd forgotten all about. This is from 1999, and I might not have heard it for 18 years. Brings back some fun memories of my time in radio though...

One foot in the hole
One foot gettin' deeper crank it to eleven
Blow another speaker
And I ain't got, I ain't got much to lose

Cuz I've seen better days
Been the star of many plays
I've seen better days
And the bottom drops out

4. Ocean Colour Scene - Better Day

Ocean Colour Scene were the first band I ever saw live. (Yes, as with buying records, I was a VERY later starter when it came to live gigs!) They had a very retro sound which worked perfectly in the Britpop era but obviously couldn't last. Massively uplifting guitars and choruses: we could use some of that right now.

The thing about that retro sound is: that's what a lot of present day indie bands are missing, in my humble opinion. I picked up the debut album by The Blossoms the other day and there are some decent indie pop songs on there but they're so glossily produced, there's just no edge to them. It's like they've been created using CGI rather than real actors... like (SPOILER) in that new Star Wars flick everyone is raving about but me. And don't even start me on The 1975! As I get older, I realise I prefer new records that sound old... which I guess is the end of days for me ever being a hipster. Not that I ever was. At least we still have Jack White doing stuff the old way...

3. The Jayhawks - Better Days

One from the charity shop pile. The Jayhawks are a band I've been meaning to check out for awhile. This is from their 2001 album Smile, which I'm guessing is the one on which they filed off most of their folky, Americana edges and made a play for the mainstream. As a result, it's a bit bland in places, but there are some outstanding pop songs here too. Better Days (after a few listens) has a very powerful hook and some great harmonies. Further investigation required.

2. Bruce Springsteen - Better Days

Back in the early 90s, Bruce lost his mojo a little. I think it was that classic thing of being a bit too happy. Having gone through a turbulent divorce (resulting in the classic Tunnel of Love), he'd found the woman he needed, Patti Scialfa, and they settled down to make a life together. The world seemed bright and so he pottered about in the studio making two records about how happy he was, then released them both on the same day. This was an odd thing a couple of big name artists did in the 90s. Guns 'n' Roses did it too, although - controversially - I think Use Your Illusion Volumes 1 & 2 were far better records than Bruce's Lucky Town and Human Touch. The weird thing is, Bruce has spent his whole career choosing only the very best songs to make up classic albums, then leaving hundreds of still-great tracks to gather dust (or eventually be reissued in collections like Tracks and The Promise). The one time he did a Prince and released virtually everything he'd recorded that week, he really should have used the same restraint. There are enough strong tracks on Lucky Town and Human Touch to make one classic album... not two.

Still, it's good to see him so happy. The video makes that abundantly clear. Watch it, and maybe some of that early 90s optimism will rub off on you too. 

1. Billy Bragg - Tomorrow's Gonna Be A Better Day

Come on Billy, make us all feel better...

To the misanthropic misbegotten merchants of gloom
Who look into their crystal balls and prophesied our doom:
“Let the death knell chime, its the end of time”
Let the cynics put their blinkers on and toast our decline.
Don't become demoralized by scurrilous complaint,
Its a sure sign that the old world is terminally quaint.
And tomorrow’s gonna be a better day,
No matter what the siren voices say
Tomorrow’s gonna be a better day,
We’re going to make it that way.

Which one made your day a little better?

My Top Ten Home Songs

To celebrate our new home - ten songs with the title 'Home'... and nothing else.


10. Blake Shelton - Home

Originally recorded by Michael Bublé, but I prefer Shelton's country take.

Also recorded by Westlife, but I've managed to survive this far without ever hearing their version.

9. Lene Lovich - Home

Not for the faint of heart.

8. Depeche Mode - Home

A song from the wrong side of town.

7. Villagers - Home

There's a scary story involving a saint and a snake going on in this track from Villagers' debut album... I'm not sure I know what it's all about, but I do know that Conor O'Brien looks about 12 in the video. It's not policemen who are looking younger as I get older: it's pop stars.

6. Sheryl Crow - Home

Sheryl can belt it out with the best of them, but on a subdued song like this one, she really shows she can sing.

5. Public Image Ltd. - Home

I've never been able to take John Lydon seriously. If I did, I'm not sure I'd like him.

4. American Music Club - Home

I'm afraid of my own shadow because it's what I've become
Why do I waste my time with people who'll never love anyone?

3. Billy Bragg - Home

Can't find this on youtube, but Billy's having a big row with them at the moment over artists' royalties, so perhaps they're limiting his exposure. It's a pretty rare track though, from his internet only release 'Pressure Drop' that followed some of the major themes in his book The Progressive Patriot...

I walked down from the station 'cause I wanted to see,
The kind of things that you might miss from the back of a taxi,
There's just no way to tell you what these things mean to me
This is home.

The place I threw my guts up outside the old wine bar,
The junk shop on the corner where I bought my first guitar,
The grass verge by the pig flats where we sat and revved our cars,
This is home.

2. Iggy Pop - Home

Imagine if everybody in the world was as cool as Iggy Pop...

1. Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home

An irresistibly catchy whistling refrain (often used as backing music on TV programmes) grabbed my attention... but it's the cutesy, conversational boy-girl vocals from Jade and Alexander that kept me coming back.

Jade?
Alexander?
Do you remember that day you fell outta my window?
I sure do ‒ you came jumping right out after me.
Well, you fell on the concrete, nearly broke you ass, you were bleeding all over the place, I rushed you out to the hospital, you remember that?
Yes, I do.
Well there's something I never told you about that night...
What didn't you tell me?
Well, while you were sitting in the back seat smoking a cigarette you thought was gonna be your last, I was falling deep, deep in love with you, and I never told you till just now!




There were a bunch of other interesting Home songs in my library - including goodies from The Lilac Time and Hefner - but I couldn't find any of them online. Bloody useless internet.

Anyway... which one would you come home to?