Showing posts with label Jack White. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jack White. Show all posts

Sunday, 27 July 2025

Snapshots #406: Songs About Weapons



Yesterday, we had Britney SPEARS at the top of the page... today, it's Bruce Lee, whose whole body was a weapon.

And here are 15 more weapons for Your Arsenal...


15. Packed.

The missing faces belong to The Jam.

The Jam - The Eton Rifles 

Or...

The Jam - A Bomb In Wardour Street

14. Go on, go on, voice of Russia.

Sigue means go on. Sputnik was the voice of Russia.

Sigue Sigue Sputnik - Love Missile F1-11

13. Pop art from Indiana (Robert).

This is Robert Indiana's LOVE sculpture...

Love Sculpture - Sabre Dance

12. Enjoy heavy metal in the café with a Friendly waiter.

Gunther was the waiter in the Friends café... not the Hard Rock Café.

Hardrock Gunter - Rifle, Belt and Bayonet

11. Barry Judd in negative.

Barry Judd was the character in Hi Fidelity played by Jack Black. In negative, he would be...

Jack White - Blunderbuss

10. Did you know that Henry VIII wanted to form an Eastern European football team, but he didn't have quite enough players?

If you have to explain the joke, it stops being funny...

Ten Pole Tudor - Swords Of A Thousand Men

9. Ian thought he was sweet.

Ian Dury sang about Sweet Gene Vincent.

Gene Vincent - Pistol Packin' Mama

8. Italian brothers.

Fratelli is brother in Italian...

The Fratellis - Chelsea Dagger

7. Myanmar Tower of Strength.

Tower of Strength was a song by The Mission. Myanmar is Burma.

Mission of Burma - That's When I Reach for My Revolver

6. Oh, Tony, tax is such a mess, isn't it?

"Oh, Tony, tax" was an anagram.

Hoyt Axton - Torpedo

5. Paddy's Omen.

Paddy fields produce rice. Damien was in The Omen.

Damien Rice - Cannonball

4. You can't beat these nuns.

The Rhythm Sisters - Pocket Hand Grenade

3. Marvin gets jumpy.

Lee Marvin, that is.

Leapy Lee - Little Arrows

2. Stretch and massage...

Ways to relieve the cramps...

The Cramps - Bikini Girls With Machine Guns

1. He'll happily adjust any dam bras you give him.


"Any dam bras" was an anagram too.

Bryan Adams - Cuts Like A Knife


A much less threatening edition of Snapshots next Saturday...

Thursday, 26 June 2025

Listening Post #32: Random Algo-Recommendations


In the process of compiling Namesakes and Saturday Snapshots, I go on youtube quite a lot looking at music videos. Whenever I go on there, the algorithm tries to recommend other things it thinks I will like.

Things like this...


Clearly I'm going to be interested in a song called The Jamie Oliver Petrol Station, for any number of reasons. The jury's still out on CMAT, I want to like her material more than I do, but I'm always impressed by her lyrics... even though the whole point of this song is waiting for her to get to the point.

And then there's this...


I can pretty much guarantee that 95% of people reading this blog would run a mile from the video above, but I loved it. I mean, come on... Dolly Crue? Credit to all involved. And it's a charity single too, so you can't knock it.

And finally... this has got to be the best thing Jack White has done in years. And I'd just about written him off too...


Great performance from John C. Reilly in the video too...

Sunday, 23 July 2023

Snapshots #302: A Top Ten Dollar Price Songs


I've been dying to feature The Six Million Dollar Man on TV On The Radio, but I haven't been able to find any decent tunes that mention him. (A lot of tunes do, just no decent ones. Unless you know different...?) 

Anyway, here's the man with the Bionic Eye, which the interweb tells me "has a 20:1 zoom lens and infrared capabilities", so there must be a camera in there too, right? And here are ten songs which also proclaim their value in dollars...


10. Stuck in your bottom, and in Iowa itself. 

Stuck in your bottom, and in Iowa itself. 

Tom Waits - $29.00

9. The Prodigy, in a patriarchy. 

Prodigies are young geniuses (google it - it's not genii). In a patriarchy though, they would only recognise the smart boys. Although the lads don't even know how to use capital letters, so what hope is there?

boygenius -$20

This one was specially for CC.

8. Discotheque that only plays A Horse With No Name.

That would be a Club that only plays Music by America.

American Music Club - $1,000,000 Song

7. Goes with Vera and Betty.

Aloe Vera and Black Betty...

Aloe Blacc - I Need A Dollar

6. Slain rain.

One of Jack White's many diversions...

The Dead Weather - Three Dollar Hat

5. Pig home, inventory, spasms.

Sty + list + tics...

Stylistics - $7000 & You

4. Where a Flashy actor goes to buy sable. 

I've not been a big fan of recent movies based on DC Comics, but I thought The Flash was OK... despite being a box office bomb. It was good to see Michael Keaton back in the Batsuit, and the Nicolas Cage cameo was worth the ticket price alone. Controversial star Ezra Miller was rather irksome though... I doubt they'll be back.

If Ezra wanted to buy some sable though, they'd probably go to the fur man.

Ezra Furman - Maraschino Red Dress $8.99 at Goodwill

3. Throw him on a bonfire with Joni.

Guys are made to be thrown on the bonfire. Never do that to Joni Mitchell.

Guy Mitchell - A Dime And A Dollar

2. Mrs. Paragons gets in a kerfuffle with Raoul Shimmery.

Two anagrams, un-kerfuffled...

Gram Parsons & Emmylou Harris - $1000 Wedding

A grand probably wouldn't even pay for the dress these days.

1. Tommy, in chains.

It never ceases to amaze me that we're now healthily into the 300s, and I'm still discovering big name artists who have never appeared in Snapshots before. Even more incredible is when it's artists I actually like. 

Above is a young Vincent Furnier, and his puppy, before he adopted his more distinctive stage persona...

Tommy Cooper + Alice In Chains =

Alice Cooper - Billion Dollar Babies


I bet you a dollar you come back for more next Saturday...


Tuesday, 11 February 2020

Hot 100 #21


Yes, I could have chosen the logo of Twenty One Pilots to illustrate this post, but I don't think they ever recorded a song as good as this. Feel free to disabuse me of that notion should you wish. Jim In Dubai also suggested another 12 group...

Jim's Twenty One - Throwaway Friend

...which I don't think is his own bad, but it's pretty good regardless.

Welcome to the 80th post in this series (look, I did the Maths, you work it out)... which means The Key To The Door: Number 21.

Let's start with Martin, who appears to be struggling somewhat this week...

Erm. 21. Feels like there should be loads.

Well, I found a fair few.

So Solid Crew - 21 Seconds

That... wasn't one of them.

Alanis Morrissette - 21 Things I Want In A Lover

Neither was that. Although it's a step up from So Solid Crew.

Sigue Sigue Sputnik - 21st Century Boy which is probably the first time they've rubbed up against Alanis...

Blimey, you really are scraping the barrel this week.

The Who - 1921

That's more like it.

ELO - 21st Century Man

That's not bad either. Not a winner though.

While we're in the 21st Century, we might as well get these out of the way too...

The Soundtrack of Our Lives - 21st Century Rip Off

Mike Peters - 21st Century

Laptop - 21st Century World

Toto - 21st Century Blues

Frank Hamilton - 21C

Glenn Frey - Love In The 21st Century

Frank Turner - 21st Century Survival Blues

Jamie Cullum (yes, Jamie Cullum, deal with) - 21st Century Kid

Midland - 21st Century Honky Tonk American Band

Jim in Dubai offered Luke Haines - 21st Century Man

C tried King Crimson - 21st Century Schizoid Man

The Swede had T.Rex - 21st Century Stance and The Membranes - 21st Century Man, but curiously not The Mebranes - The 21st Century Is Killing Me.

And Rigid Digit supplied Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown, which hails from the same album as Green Day - 21 Guns. Not their best, no, but no their worst either.

Finally, Douglas offered...

Bad Religion - 21st Century (Digital Boy)

But... well, let's face it: the 21st Century is pretty horrible, so I think we'll skip all those, fine songs though they may be.

Back to The Swede...

Luxuria - Lady 21

Bon Iver - 21 Moonwater

Juana Molina - Wed 21

Sounds like John Shuttleworth on the keyboards there, Swede.

Snailhouse - Twenty One Years

Personally though, The Swede concludes, I'd like to suggest Twenty One by The Apartments. What a truly wonderful band they are.

That is very nice, I have to admit it. Doesn't exist in my own record collection (yet), which is the one stipulation to be a winner on this series. But I definitely have to investigate it further.

Where's Lynchie? Putting all his eggs in one basket this week, it seems...

Well, it's obvious the winner is Twenty-One by The Eagles.

I was very tempted, I'll admit it.

Here comes Brian, who's backing The Swede's final suggestion, but also throws in this...

The Flaming Lips - One More Robot / Sympathy 3000-21 

...which I'm glad he did, because somehow the trawl through my own 21s missed that. Here's a few more of those, if you're at all interested...

Jim Bob - Coach A Seat 21

Dave Gahan - 21 Days

Frank Black - 21 Reasons

The Charlatans - Come In, Number 21

Ash - Death Trip 21

Blink 182 - 21 Days

The Divine Comedy - 21st of May

Jeff Rosenstock - June 21st

And finally, Douglas had a couple more suggestions...

The Cranberries - 21

(Which owes quite a debt to Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time, if you ask me.)

Chuck Berry - 21 Blues

These lead us quite nicely into the subsection "Songs about being age 21", to which I can add...

The Paddingtons - 21

Jack White - Freedom At 21

Wilko Johnson & Roger Daltrey - Turned 21

The Shirelles - Twenty-One

The Lonesome Pine Fiddlers - Twenty One Years

And... of course... this, which was our opening suggestion this week, from Charity Chic, who almost begged...

The Adverts - No Time to Be 21, please, Rol.

C seconded that too, and, well... why not?

Life's short, don't make a mess of it
To the ends of the earth, you'll look for a sense in it
No chances, no plans
I'll smash the windows of my box
I'll be a madman
It's no time to be 21
To be anyone

To be honest, even though I'm not particularly enjoying 47... I don't think I'd fancy being 21 again. Would you?


And so we finally reach the Top 20. On your marks... get set...

Go!


Monday, 31 December 2018

My Top 18 Albums of 2018 #1


Here it is then, the full countdown... and a very worthy Number One.

Enjoy your New Year's Eve. Here's my youtube playlist of my albums of the year to play at your party.

18. Kate Nash - Yesterday Was Forever

17. Gretchen Peters - Dancing With The Beast

16. Death Cab For Cutie - Thank You For Today

15. The Proclaimers - Angry Cyclist

14. Alejandro Escovedo - The Crossing

13. Eels - The Deconstruction

12. Lukas Nelson & The Promise of the Real

11. Jack White - Boarding House Reach

10. Jill Jackson - Are We There Yet?

9. The Decemberists - I'll Be Your Girl

8. Amy Rigby - The Old Guys

7. Ezra Furman - Transangelic Exodus

6. Father John Misty - God's Favourite Customer

5. Half Man Half Biscuit - No One Cares About Your Creative Hub So Get Your Fuckin' Hedge Cut

4. John Grant - Love Is Magic

3. Juliana Hatfield Sings Olivia Newton John

2. Will Hoge - My American Dream


1. John Prine - Tree of Forgiveness

Back when we need him the most - warm, witty and wise. The living legend - long may he reign!

More here.



If you're going out celebrating tonight, take care and have a good one. If, like me, you'll be asleep long before the clock strikes in the new year... enjoy that too.

Thanks for reading this dribble throughout 2018. See you in 2019.



Friday, 14 December 2018

My Top 18 Albums of 2018 #11


11. Jack White - Boarding House Reach

Queen and Prince influence Jack White's most adventurous and ambitious album to date... quite simply: it's utterly bonkers.


Next, we're heading back to Scotland... are we there yet?

Thursday, 20 September 2018

My Top Ten Songs That Go On And On



Work is swallowing me whole at the moment, so I don't have time to go on and on... instead here's ten tunes that can do the job for me.


10. Ben Lee - On & On

From the album Hey You, Yes You... which I think we can all agree is a great title for an album. This is a pretty cool opening line too...

Without a gun, I'd be defenceless against you...

9. Ocean Colour Scene - On And On

I've no idea why OCS get so much stick from the Muso Police. This is a lovely little tune; a b-side, I think. They deserve more respect.

8. Bowling For Soup - On And On (About You)

Aww, sweet.

If it were up to me
I'd like to buy you flowers everyday
Make everyday a holiday
Carry on and on and on about you and the things you do
The things you do

7. Jack White - On And On And On

What does Jack White do best: play the guitar, or do the production that makes his guitar playing stand out so well?

6. Wilco - On And On And On

One day we'll disappear
Together in a dream
However short or long
Our lives are going to be

5. The Longpigs - On And On

And I wish you would leave me
And I wish you would go
And I wish you didn't need me
And I wish I didn't love you so.

4. Abba - On And On And On

I think this is about as close as Abba ever got to politics...

I was at a party and this fella said to me
"Something bad is happening, I'm sure you do agree
People care for nothing, no respect for human rights
Evil times are coming, we are in for darker,"

I said, "Who are you to talk about impending doom?"
He got kinda wary as he looked around the room
He said, "I'm a minister, a big shot in the state"
I said, "I just can't believe it, boy I think it's great
Brother can you tell me what is right and what is wrong?"
He said, "Keep on rocking baby, 'til the night is gone"

3. The Feelies - On And On

Hey na na na na na na na...

2. Stephen Bishop - On And On

Poor ol'Jimmy
Sits alone in the moonlight
Saw his woman kiss another man
So he takes a ladder
Steals the stars from the sky
Puts on Sinatra and starts to cry...

1. Status Quo - Burning Bridges (On And Off And On Again)

OK, so there's a stray "off" in there, but we'll let that pass for one of the Quo's finest moments. Swing those guitars!


Feel free to go on and on in the comments if you can think of any more...

Friday, 15 June 2018

2018 Contenders: The New Rock Royalty



On his third solo album, Jack White steps out of the safe, traditionalist confines of his previous records (all recorded analogue with antique guitars on wax cylinder) to embrace the modern age. He also makes a bid for rock royalty by channelling both Prince and Queen in places. It's his most bonkers record yet, but largely it works.


The album starts out with a pretty typical fuzz-guitar work out, Connected By Love, probably the most Jack White song on here. The first taste of Prince (via James Brown) appears on track 3, Corporation - seriously, close your eyes and you'll see purple. He's even got the Alphabet Street scream in there. And there's more of that to come on Ice Station Zebra.


Recent single Over and Over and Over is the closest we get to the big riffmaster of old, coupled with some multi-tracked vocals Freddie and Bryan would be reasonably happy with.


The lyrics, as usual, are nonsense. JW's never been a great lyricist, but he's OK when he embraces his mad side. Why Walk A Dog? seems to be a plea for us all to free our pet pooches. Abulia & Akrasia embraces his long-held desire to be Johnny Depp. On Get In The Mindshaft, White reveals how he learned to play piano in an old abandoned house. Yes, it's basically Sparky's Magic Piano. Final track Humoresque was written by Al Capone. No, really.


And then, on tracks like Hypermisophoniac and Everything You've Ever Learned, things go really crazy. Radiohead meets Primal Scream meets Prince (again) meets experimental jazz meets the noise you hear coming from a lunatic asylum at three o'clock in the morning.


It shouldn't work. It should be an unlistenable mess. Indeed, some reviewers have taken to dubbing it White's grand folly. But for me, it does. It takes a bit of getting into, obviously, but once you do, there's much to enjoy. If you dig bonkers.


 





Sunday, 22 October 2017

My Top 90 Mid-Life Crisis Songs #7: Pardon?

I'm not a big one for selfies, 
but this seemed like an occasion that needed to be marked.

There are certain points in your life that mark a transition. A moment which changes you as a person forever, which draws a line on your life's calendar that can be marked pre- and post-, B-something and A-something. Leaving school. Starting your first job. Moving out of your parents' house. Becoming a parent. As Brad Paisley sings in his song Last Time For Everything (already featured on this blog, otherwise I'd have posted it as tonight's main tune), these are the moments which define our transition into older.

On Friday, I passed one of those markers, one which many people my age won't pass for another 20 or 30 years... if they ever do. I became bionic.

My hearing's not been great for years. In crowded rooms, or at a distance, I'll generally miss a third of what you say. I've been bluffing about this for a long time now. Nodding or smiling at things I hope a nod or a smile's the right response to. Saying, "Sorry?" more than most. Not being able to answer the question about "What song is this?" in a busy restaurant: not because I don't know the answer, but because I didn't even know there was a song playing.

I've made a couple of weak attempts to get doctors to take my hearing seriously in recent years, but the furthest I'd got until a few weeks ago was a syringing and some nasal spray. Finally though, I got a GP to submit me to the Ear, Nose & Throat specialist for proper testing. He took one look at the results and recommended me for two state of the art hearing aids. He did wonder if I'd actually get them though: as with most things in the ever-squeezed NHS, I got the feeling they're being rationed these days. I think my job stood in my favour. The audiologist who tested me, having seen the results before the doctor, asked me one question: "you're a teacher, right?", ticking a box on her form when I answered in the affirmative. Perhaps if I'd just been working an office, they'd have sent me home with a flea in my ear instead of a hearing aid. Or at least off down to Boots where the same aids will cost you a grand a pop.

And so here I am, with an aid in each ear, actually able to hear what you're muttering about me for a change. Clear as a bell. The tests showed I have the fairly common high frequency hearing loss which means I can hear a conversation well in a quiet room, but as soon as there's background noise, higher frequencies (most voices) become harder to pick out. The aids are programmed to adjust to this, boosting higher frequencies while keeping the rumble to a minimum. So far, I can definitely notice a difference.

Higher frequency hearing loss has a number of causes, including ageing, genetics (both my parents and my older brother have hearing aids, although my dad's had one of his since a very young age after mumps affected one of his ear canals as a child) and exposure to loud noises... so, yeah, if I wanted to be really rock 'n' roll, I could tell you it was down to all those loud indie gigs I attended in my 20s and early 30s. To be fair, they probably didn't help (particularly the Silver Sun one), but I reckon the first two explanations are probably more likely.

The first thing Louise said when I came home with the aids in was, "with your hair over your ears, nobody will even notice you're wearing them". And while I understand the stigma that's attached to any kind of disability, I've never really been one who understood vanity. I couldn't give a monkey's if anyone judged me because I'm wearing hearing aids now. My initial reaction was entirely positive: this will help me at work (no more asking students to repeat themselves), at home (no more aggravating the other half*), in every aspect of my life.

It was only later, in the wee small hours of the morning, when it finally hit me about the line being drawn on my calendar. Last week I was a man without hearing aids. (OK, I've needed them for years, but that's not the point.) Now I am a man with hearing aids. I cannot go back to that person I was before. That's the worst realisation about getting old, the thing that makes it so hard. That's what causes the mid-life crisis. You can't ever go back once the line has been drawn...

#7. The Dead Weather - I Can't Hear You

A bit of Jack White and co, played very loud through the headphones, seems about right now. Maybe I'll do a whole hearing Top Ten a bit later in the week...




(*If only.)

Thursday, 19 February 2015

My Top Ten Tongue Songs


 
Mind if I slip you the tongue... or ten?


10. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Black Tongue

 Karen O believes in gender equality when it comes to insults...
Boy, you just a stupid bitch,
And girl, you just a no good dick
Not to be confused with Black Tongue by Mastodon which makes Karen's lyrics sound like a Hallmark card... or Silver Tongue by Zulu Winter, who (like many bands) steal their best video ideas from David Lynch and the Coens.

9. Civil Wars - Tip Of My Tongue

Just delicious. Wish they hadn't split up.

8. Mary Gauthier - Slip of the Tongue

Mary regrets getting caught up in the moment and saying something she didn't quite mean...
When I said, "I love you"
It was a slip of the tongue
Love is more than a feeling
It's a way of living everyday
It's the hardest thing I ever gave away
7. PJ Harvey - This Wicked Tongue

So my favourite PJ Harvey album is now 15 years old. Where does the time go?

6. Frank Turner - Hold Your Tongue

Tender acoustic heartache from the rock-punk rebel, with a bitter aftertaste...
Hold your goddamn tongue
You forget yourself.
How could I be the one
If you're wrapped round someone else?
5. REM - Tongue

Don't remember this being released as a single - but Monster had so many great tracks. The rule with Michael Stipe lyrics is that I don't even try to tell you what they're about. Just go with the organtastic groove.

4. Jack White - Trash Tongue Talker

In which Jack White auditions for a guest spot on Jerry Springer. He can talk that trash with the best of them (and Karen O).
Oh well, your mama was a bastard
Had your plastered face all over the scene
You got hassled by your daddy
Always pushing, trying to make you come clean
Apparently the video was directed by Gary Oldman... but as it's a live performance, I guess he didn't have to do much more than show up and tell Jack to get on with it.

3. My Life Story - Sunday Tongue

One of the great lost bands of Britpop, and this was only a b-side, so I was extra pleased to find it on youtube. I wish Britpop was remembered more for bands in the literate/glam Pulp/Suede vein, like MLS, rather than the poshboy pretenders and northern neanderthals...    

2. Talking Heads - Sugar on My Tongue

David Byrne cops off with his neighbour and she performs various acts of a metaphorically culinary nature that get him so excited he asks his friends round to watch.

See also Speaking In Tongues by The Arcade Fire... also with David Byrne (though he doesn't get all that much to do.)

1. Jenny Lewis - Acid Tongue

The divine Ms. Lewis finds herself faced with a sleazy chat-up line as this song begins - from a shoe repairman at that!
I went to a cobbler
To fix a hole in my shoe
He took one look at my face and said
"I can fix that hole in you."
Luckily, she's more than capable of dealing with this creepy cordwainer and goes on to deliver another classic story song about dropping acid in Dixie and meeting a man with soft hands (unlike, presumably, the cobbler) to soothe her pain.
To be lonely is a habit
Like smoking or taking drugs
And I've quit them both
But man, was it rough




So... which one makes you stick your tongue out like Gene Simmons?

Thursday, 18 December 2014

My Top Ten Albums of 2014 - #5





5. Jack White - Lazaretto 

Musically, Jack White's second solo LP after the dissolution of the White Stripes is very much what you'd expect. It sounds like a classic bluesy rock record that could have been recorded at almost any point in the last 70 years... while at the same time also sounding utterly contemporary. Lyrically, however, it is deeper, angrier, funnier and more intriguing than anything he's ever written. And, as the Lynchian video for Would You Fight For My Love? proves, it is by far the coolest record of the year.
 
The album opens with a hilarious remake of Blind Willie McTell's braggadocious Three Women in which JW boasts of having three women - one in California, one in Nashville, and one in Detroit - all of whom seem happy to put up with his polygamous antics. 
Well, these women must be
Getting something
Cause they come and see me
Every night!
Air miles, perhaps?
 
The title track, in which Jack gets quarantined on the Isle of Man (that's what a Lazaretto is, in case you were wondering, an isolated quarantine station for sailors) is Jack's Bohemian Rhapsody or Paranoid Android. Utterly insane, loud as hell, unlike anything you've ever heard before and fearlessly released to radio as an opening single... possibly the least radio-friendly track on the album, at least until you've heard it ten times when, BANG, it suddenly sounds like a Number One.
 
Meanwhile, High Ball Stepper makes instrumentals vital again - it ought to be a theme tune for an action-packed TV detective show, while on Entitlement, Grumpy Old Jack goes off on one about "Kidz These Days"...
 
There are children today who are lied to
They're told the world is rightfully theirs
They can have what they want
Whenever they want
They take like Caesar
And nobody cares
 
 ...before pissing on all our chips...
 
Not one single person
On God's golden shore
Is entitled to one single thing
We don't deserve a single damn thing.

Hands up if you honestly feel you can disagree with him?

And then there's the glorious That Black Bat Licorice, in which Jack unleashes a ballsy pop-rap anthem that Pink or Lady Gaga would have given their perfectly white star teeth for. Or maybe it's Jack does Purple Rain era Prince? Whatever, it's utterly spectacular. Just like the rest of this album...





Next, at Number #4... ITMA. Victim - or life's adventurer? Which of the two is he...?

Sunday, 30 December 2012

My Top Ten Albums Of 2012


OK, yesterday I did #20 - 11. Before we get to the Top Ten though, I'd like to take a moment to mention a record that would have made this chart, had my copy not arrived earlier this week, after my Top Twenty had been put to bed. (I ordered it ages ago, but the postman obviously nicked the first one as it never arrived... something that's happened quite a lot this Christmas.)

Anyway, The North Sea Scrolls is a collaboration between "The Legend That Is" Luke Haines, former Fatima Mansion Cathal Coughlan, and author / Blazing Zoo frontman Andrew Mueller. The Scrolls tell a secret, semi-hidden history of the British Isles in which Ian Ball (from Gomez) is replaced by Ian Ball (the attempted kidnapper of Princess Anne in 1974), Arthur Scargill becomes the Witchfinder General, the obscure bit-part actor Tony Allen is revealed to be "...the hidden hand behind the paintings of Sir Francis Bacon, the secret lover of Sid James, a patient of R.D. Laing, an assiduous curator of Northern Soul, and the probable catalyst for the least tedious stretches of the career of Fleetwood Mac", Enoch Powell is made Poet Laureate (as well as joining Steve Hillage in Gong), and the DJ Chris Evans is burnt at the stake, only to subsequently become a martyr.

"He said 'Cry no more for Jimmy Five-Bellies
Save your tears for Billie'.
Hospital radio to the breakfast show
The flames kissed my golden curls - and I kissed a thousand girls
Oh, I was a sinful man... when I was a kissogram."

Frankly, it's a work of genius (a horrifically over-used word, even on this blog, but rarely more accurately applied) and it might easily have slipped its way into my Top Three of 2012 had I not already unveiled #11 - 20. I'd recommend you purchase a copy of the limited edition 2 disc CD before they're all gone (I think there's a few still left on Amazon, after that it'll be available by download only).

"...however, as the album in question... is a suite of obtusely satirical songs linked by whimsical spoken word sequences... absolutely nobody pays any attention."




10. Bruce Springsteen - Wrecking Ball

Because he's still The Boss and he's still got plenty to say. And because seeing him live again this summer was a highlight of my year.

Recommended tracks: Death To My Hometown, Wrecking Ball.

9. Ben Folds Five - The Sound of the Life of the Mind

Still not sure why Ben felt the need to get his old band back together, particularly as the resultant album sounds no different to the material he's been releasing solo since the Five split 12 years ago. While not quite as earth-shatteringly brilliant as his recent collaboration with Nick Hornby (though one track is a leftover Hornby co-composition from those sessions), the album does feature a song which advises, "If you can't draw a crowd, draw dicks on a wall" and a video featuring Fraggle Rock. What else do you need to know?
Sara already knows pretty soon she'll be leaving
Well, she's hoovered up whatever she can find
But she doesn't want to hear about
Pregnancies, foam fights, TV, take-outs, have sex, weddings
The sound of the life she'll leave behind
Recommended tracks: Do It Anyway, The Sound of the Life of the Mind.  

8. Dexys - One Day I'm Going To Soar

27 years after their last album (god, that makes me feel old), Kevin Rowland drags back a couple of his old collaborators, adds a couple of new ones, and unleashes a monster only he could have created. An autobiographical concept album that won't be for everyone... but if you get it, you'll love it.

Recommended tracks: I'm Always Going To Love You followed immediately by Incapable of Love. (You have to listen to them in that order.)
 
7. Jack White - Blunderbuss

Of course, Jack White's first solo album doesn't sound any different to The White Stripes - he even rips off his most famous guitar riff on one track. That said, in places this records sounds both ultra-contemporary and fabulously retro. There are very few artists who can straddle 60 years of rock 'n' roll so effortlessly. Plus, I'm a sucker for the Noo Yoik accent Jack adopts on I'm Shaking. "You got me noivous."

Recommended tracks: Freedom At 21, I'm Shakin'.

6. Fun. - Some Nights

See, the charts aren't all bad these days. Fun. do exactly what it says on the tin - huge indie-tinged pop anthems that owe as much to Queen as they do The Killers (in an ideal world, perhaps they should have called themselves Killer Queen). We Are Young succeeded because of its epic chorus, yet it's the unpredictable verse I found most interesting, in a curious, Franz Ferdinand fashion.

Recommended Tracks: We Are Young, Some Nights

5. Martin Rossiter - The Defenestration of St Martin

Someone else who's been away far too long. The last Gene album was released in 2001: Martin's been threatening a solo assault ever since. The Defenestration... wasn't entirely what we'd expected, a subdued affair made up largely of piano and vocals (cheekily, he throws in an electric guitar in the final fade out), yet it's as beautiful and devastating as the best of his Gene work and an intensely personal statement besides. A record everyone should hear, though I doubt they will.

Recommended tracks: Drop Anchor, I Want To Choose When I Sleep Alone. (But I only chose them because they were the best quality tracks on youtube.)

4. Rumer - Boys Don't Cry

An album of covers written by the cream of 70s singer-songwriters (including Gilbert O'Sullivan, Clifford T. Ward and Neil Young), from the most angelic voice in contemporary music. Rumer, dear, you had me as soon as I heard your beautiful version of Jimmy Webb's PF Sloan. I don't think I'll ever tire of listening to this record. 

Recommended tracks: PF Sloan, Home Thoughts From Abroad, A Man Needs A Maid

3. Ultrasound - Play For Today

And finally in our "Where The Hell Have You Been?" category: Wakefield's own Ultrasound. Back in 1999, Tiny and co. released one epic rock album, Everything Picture, and a handful of classic singles (that Kurt Russell was only ever a b-side is a testament to the quality - and bizarre choices - that characterised their previous output) before splitting up and calling it a day. And then, perhaps because everybody had given up hope of ever hearing their like again, they returned late in 2011 with one of the best singles of last year, followed by one of the best albums of this. Stick around a bit longer this time, please.

Recommended tracks: Welfare State, Nonsense.

2. Lana Del Rey - Born To Die

I was tempted to drop this down a few places purely because of the enormous success Ms. Del Rey has enjoyed this year. Since when were my year end picks so populist? But I can't deny it: I've listened to this record more than just about any other this year. OK, in places, it does sound very similar to Like A Prayer era Madonna - but that was Madonna at her best. And yes, the hip hop Nancy Sinatra act will soon get tired. The record company's milking Born To Die for all it's got... which makes you wonder if Lana will ever match it. Whatever - no other record says 2012 for me like this. Whether I'll still be listening to it in 20 years is another question. When was the last time I listened to Like A Prayer?

Recommended tracks: Video Games, Radio.

1. Mystery Jets - Radlands

With their fourth album, the Mystery Jets stepped up from being just another fun little indie band to become serious contenders (just like Noah & The Whale did last year). Wearing their influences on their sleeves (blatantly on the excellent "dividing up our record collection" lead single Greatest Hits), they delivered a record steeped in 70s Americana, all the way from Twickenham.

Recommended tracks: The Hale Bop, You Had Me At Hello... or any of the other 9 songs on this unswitchoffable collection.




So, those were the albums that made my year. Go buy them all now and enrich your record collection. Then tell me yours...

Thursday, 25 October 2012

My Top Ten James Bond Themes


Apparently there's a new James Bond film out this week. I know, I wish they'd spend a little more money promoting it too, it can be very easy for low-budget films like this to slip through the cracks and not find their audience at the multiplex. Still, if you can't find a cinema in your local area that's taking a punt on it, here's a reminder of some of 007's greatest hits. I actually quite like Adele's new theme song... but not as much as these...


10. Jack White & Alicia Keys - Another Way To Die (from Quantum of Solace)

A little too derivative to be considered classic, but Jack White has a License To Kill.

9. a-ha - The Living Daylights

I never rated Timothy Dalton, he's probably my least favourite Bond (Lazenby might clinch it... were On Her Majesty's Secret Service not such a great film despite him). That whole "new man" thing was such an 80s blunder for a character like Bond. This was by far the best thing about The Living Daylights.

8. Rita Coolidge - All Time High (from Octopussy)

Written by John Barry (and Tim Rice), hence: ace. Even better: the Pulp cover version

Speaking of Pulp, how much better would Tomorrow Never Dies have been if their theme tune had been chosen over Sheryl Crow's?

7. Shirley Bassey - Diamonds Are Forever

John Barry again, with Don Black on lyrics, and - of course - the immortal Dame Shirley on diamonds.

6. Nancy Sinatra - You Only Live Twice

So good, Robbie Williams stole its timeless intro for his second biggest hit. Barry again.

5. Paul McCartney & Wings - Live & Let Die

Possibly the first Bond film I ever saw, so Roger Moore and his eyebrows were officially MY Bond... as a kid, at least. I like Macca's original, but I do prefer Axl's sneering cover. It's just so nasty.

4. Shirley Bassey - Goldfinger

Barry, Bassey... and a young Jimmy Page on guitar. Or so legend has it. 

3. Louis Armstrong - We Have All The Time In The World (from On Her Majesty's Secret Service)

Whenever I'm stuck behind a car driving at 20 miles an hour, I call the driver a 'Louis'. Well, it's better than some of the words I might choose.

As mentioned previously, though I don't particularly rate Lazenby, OHMSS has possibly the best Bond plot ever. That final scene is just a killer. And this - John Barry and Hal David... well, nobody does it better.

Or do they...?

2. Carly Simon - Nobody Does It Better (from The Spy Who Loved Me)

Written by Marvin Hamlisch and Carol Bayer Sager (of You're Moving Out Today fame), this is the song that most says Bond to me... well, apart from our far too obvious Number One. (Aimee Mann does a lovely cover too.)

1. John Barry - The James Bond Theme

Not the Moby version, the David Arnold version or the one where some idiot decided it might be a good idea to let random tone-deaf Irish egomaniacs with a God Complex have a go. The original... and still the best.




Those were my best Bonds... but which is your Nobody Does It Better?
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