Mid-Life Crisis Songs #109: Pet Sounds

Echobelly - If the Dogs Don't Get You, My Sisters Will

This is Bertie.

Last week Louise took Bertie to the dog groomer. Bertie had a nice haircut and a wash and blow dry. 

The Jerks - Get Your Woofing Dog Off Me

That evening Louise took Bertie for a walk. 

Bertie decided this would be a good time to roll in a freshly laid cowpat.

Juliana Hatfield - Dirty Dog

Stray Cats - Dig Dirty Doggy

Johnny Cash - Dirty Old Egg-Sucking Dog

Prefab Sprout - Farmyard Cat

This is Millie.

Millie lives upstairs during the daytime as she does not like Bertie.

Johnny Cash - Mean Eyed Cat

Once Bertie is tucked up in his crate-bed, Millie goes downstairs, out through the catflap, to do what cats do.

On Thursday night, the same night Bertie had rolled in cow poo, I woke suddenly to hear Louise screaming hysterically. I thought perhaps an axe murderer. Sadly not.

Mud - The Cat Crept In

Millie had returned from her night time patrols and brought a blackbird with her, in through the catflap, depositing it on the landing at the top of the stairs. The blackbird was still alive, but clearly terrified, which would explain why it then defecated all over the landing carpet. 

Webb Wilder - Catbird Seat

Louise, having seen something moving in the darkness, was convinced it must be a rat... hence the screams. Fortunately I was able to rescue the blackbird and put it out the bathroom window. It flew away from the madhouse that is Top Ten Towers, vowing never to return.

Pets. Who'd have 'em?

Alec Bathgate - Pet Hates

Spoon - The Infinite Pet

Name That Tune: Our Top Ten Edward Songs

 

A picture of Eddie Cochran obviously, said Charity Chic in response to my request for songs with the name Edward, Eddie or Ed in them. And as he wrote obviously rather than "obvs", I went with his suggestion.

Of course, there were many other famous musical Edwards I could have gone with, including the recently departed Eddie Van Halen, Ed Tudor-Pole, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes (from George), Edward Ball, Eddie & The Hotrods, Eddie Vedder, Eddie Floyd, Eddie Boyd, Eddie Jones, Charles & Eddie (from Alyson), Eddie Rabbit, Eddie Kirk, Eddie Fisher, Eddie Holland, Eddie Money (see this week's Saturday Snapshots), Eddie Kendricks... the list goes on and on. But did any of them ever record a song as iconic as this...?

Eddie Cochran - Summertime Blues

All due respect, but I don't think so.

And yes, George, Eddi Reader was disqualified for being a girl. Harsh but true.

Eddi Reader - Patience Of Angels

Oops. How did that get in there?

Also disqualified were any Teds or Teddies... which I take as being short for Theodore. Either way, maybe they'll make an appearance here one day.

Lynchie, however, offers the oddest musical Edward...

Principal Edwards Magic Theatre - Over and Out

Trippy.

Whereas Swiss Adam directs us to Edward Barton, the poet responsible for this little ditty, originally recorded by his girlfriend Jane (long before Opus 3 got their mucky dance paws all over it)...

Jane - It's A Fine Day

That's quite lovely.

Anyway, that's not why we're here. We're here to celebrates songs about Edwards (or at least songs that mention them). So let's get cracking, because there's loads to go at...

Let's start with Jim in Dubai...

Nine Steps to Ugly - Eddie Lopez Lives in Slough 

John Hegley - Eddie Don't Like Furniture 

The Cult - Edie (Ciao Baby) 

Does this count?

No, but it's a great tune.

The Medium - Edward Never Lies 

Four brilliant suggestions... but, incredibly, they weren't the best Jim had to offer. Keep reading to hear those!

Lynchie, meanwhile, gave us this beauty. 

Drive-By Truckers - Where's Eddie?

Jason Isbell's ex-wife, Shonna Tucker, on vocals there. Sadly, she left the Truckers a few years after Jason did.

Rigid Digit, meanwhile, was quite restrained this week, offering only this little gem...

Now, every time I see him, well, he looks so grim

I guess it really must suck to be a rock star like him

What a pain in the butt to have so much success

Spending all his time moping and avoiding the press

But my girl can't get enough of his sullen demeanor

Like he's some big tortured genius

And I'm some kinda wiener

Well, my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder

She's got a thing for that Eddie Vedder

Tell me, what can he do that I can't do better?

Now my baby's in love with--

I said I said I said my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder

Head over heels for that Eddie Vedder

I can't believe it, now she's knittin' him a sweater

Cause my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder

Well, I don't wear Doc Martens and I don't wear flannel

And I don't boycott the music video channel

And I just can't compete with all that money and fame

But I know two can play at this kinda game

Well, let's just see how jealous she'll get

When I start stalking Alanis Morissette

Weird Al Yankovic - My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder

And continuing on a pretty-boy rock star vibe, RD added...

Iron Maiden's omnipresent/ever changing mascot is called Eddie. He has given his name to a Maiden-based video game and a compilation album (both titled Ed Hunter)...

Coincidentally, my millennial hipster politico friend, Ben, recommended this (from the album Ed Hunter) as his favourite Maiden track this week. 

Iron Maiden - The Trooper

Ben also put forward this...

NoFX - Eddie, Bruce and Paul

...which... well, I hope you'll excuse me if I steal an explanation from elsewhere on t'internet...

This song tells the story of the beginnings of British heavy metal band Iron Maiden, personified as a gay love triangle between original lead singer Paul Di'Anno, Eddie (“Eddie the Head,” the band’s mascot who appears on their album covers, and in this song represents the band as a whole), and Bruce Dickinson, the band’s second singer who replaced Paul in 1981.

Fat Mike explains:

I was just thinking that some of their songs are so good and they were just so cool when they had Paul Di’Anno in the band. Then they got Bruce Dickinson, this falsetto fuck, and for me, it just ruined everything.

Charming. Poor old Bruce D. 

Anyway, while we're here with my millennial hipster politico friend, Ben... well, he obviously had some spare time on his hands this week. His short-list was almost longer than mine...

Small Faces - Eddie's Dreaming

(Also suggested by Walter, who seems to have a scarily similar record collection to MHPF.)

Curtis Mayfield - Eddie, You Should Know Better 

That was on my list too.

Grizzly Bear - Dory

Which was disqualified because it only makes lyrical reference to a watery eddy. And also, I remain unconvinced by Grizzly Bear.

The Vandals - The Legend of Pat Brown  

My weekly punk submission.

If you really want to know who Patrick Edward Brown was, you'll have to read this. 

Blind Willie McTell - King Edward Blues 

If you've not got a ragtime song in your list, is it even a good list?

Are you sure that's not a song about potatoes? I guess I shouldn't be surprised, suggested as it was by a vegan.

Of Montreal - An Introduction for Isabell 

I'd like to introduce you now to Isabell Iam 

Present owner of the Edward Iam Wax Museum

I was about to file that with Grizzly Bear, but it wasn't half bad.

Propagandhi - I Was A Pre-Teen McCarthyist 

Second punk song and also very timely.

I told you he was a politico. Not a bad song though. However, I think the lyrical reference is to a surname, which are disqualified.

Death Grips - Black Quarterback 

Have to live up to this idea you have of me as a hipster!

Is that what hipsters listen to then? My current (not for much longer!) next door neighbour is a hipster and he blasts out Snow Patrol. I'm not convinced hipsters have set musical affiliations. I may be wrong.

Anyway, I have no idea what Death Grips are on about, but there were quite a few Eddies in there. Including the great Ed 'Lou Grant' Asner. God knows why.

John Mellencamp - American Son 

Now this is why I keep Ben around. Because in the middle of all his hipster suggestions, he'll throw in a b-side by The Small Faces or an early John Cougar song, a track even the internet can't quite decipher the lyrics to, although most sites tend to agree that are a couple of Eddie references in there.

Ghostface Killah - Three Bricks 

Biggie did this as well but... Wu Tang forever.

Sigh. Millennials.

Edward Scissor hands them grams...

(Walter prefers the Biggie version.)

Ah, but wait, the mention of Edward Scissorhands allows us to zip over to Canada, where Douglas has a related suggestion...

Just one to put forward for your consideration, to prevent the lost from getting out of hand: the always delightful Lucksmiths with the song "Edward, Sandwich Hand". Delightful wordplay and a whistling riff to hook you into the chorus.

The Lucksmiths - Edward Sandwich Hand

Back to Ben's long list...

The Jam - Private Hell 

Think of Emma, wonder what she's doing

Her husband Terry and your grandchildren.

Think of Edward who's still at college

You send him letters which he doesn't acknowledge.

Almost breaking the Song For Whoever rule, that one.

Bomb The Music Industry! - Bike Test 1 2 3   

Any opportunity for Jeff Rosenstock!

Jeff Rosenstock is someone who Ben introduced me to a while back. He produces some very cool tunes (if occasionally a little too loud for these aged ears) and has a strange attitude to the music industry in that he seems not too interested in making any money out of it. For example, you can get his latest collection of songs from Bandcamp... but he doesn't want your money.

Please do not feel obliged to spend money on this music. I do not intend for it to be monetized. Any money that comes in through Bandcamp for these songs will be donated to charitable causes, but less money will get taken out if you just do that directly on your own - which I encourage you to do if you can afford it. And if not, it's cool.

Anyway, there's another Edwards Scissorhands reference in the track above, if you can dig it out.

Which brings us, finally, to Walter, who also appeared to have a bit of spare time on his hands this week... 

Latin Quarter - Eddie

All I know by them is Radio Africa, but I liked that.

Beastie Boys - 3 The Hard Way

Fresh dressed 'cause I shop at Models

Deep in Brooklyn I rode the Ls

Used to ride the D to beat the morning bell

At Edward R. Morrow out on Avenue L

Sparks - In My Family

There you got your Rockefeller

There you got your Edward Teller

J. Paul Getty is a splendid fellow, but

None of them would be in my family

TV Personalities - Bright Sunny Smiles

There's me and there's Edward, there's Joe and there's Mark

We're playing in the garden and we stay out till dark

And we've all got bright sunny smiles

(That's a little scary.)

Leo Sayer - Moonlighting

His blue Morris van is parked in an alley
Just by Montague street
His friend Eddie he did the respray
So he couldn't drive it all last week
And it cost most of the money
That he had saved up
To pay Eddie's receipt
But he figures it's worth it
Cause the disguise is a must
When they go missing
They're gonna look for the van first
She whispers slowly "it'll be alright"
I took some cash from my building society
And my monthly check came in just right
If only they knew they weren't giving it away

That came very close to making the ten, Walter. As did this...

The Smiths - Suffer Little Children

Edward, see those alluring lights ?
Tonight will be your very last night

Don't worry though, some of your other suggestions really hit home. But no, Ed fROMOHIO, singer and guitarist of fIREHOSE doesn't get a mention, if only because of his abuse of the CAPS LOCK key. 

OK, time to scrap the barnacles off the side of the boat. Here's the rest of the long-list from my hard-drive this week...

Saint Etienne - Edward Undecided

Emmy The Great - Edward Is Dedward

The Divine Comedy - Edward The Confessor

Everywhere - Eddie

Kris Kristofferson - Eddie The Eunuch

But now Eddie the Eunuch is a rock and roll critic
Sucking like a super star
Slicker than a shoe-shine
Quicker than a two-time
Eddie what a thang you are
Eddie makes a damn good livin', baby
Putting other people down

Ah yes, songs hitting back at music critics... there's got to be a Top Ten in that somewhere.

Styx - Eddie

I almost put this one in the Top Ten just to irk the musos.

Jason Ringenberg - Eddie Rode The Orphan Train

The Darkness - She's Just A Girl, Eddie

The Crystals - I Love You, Eddie (but so does Betty!)

Meat Loaf - Eddie's Teddy (from The Rocky Horror Picture Show)

The Teen Queens - Eddie, My Love

Ben Folds - Eddie Walker

Ist - The Wreck Of The Eddie Fitzpatrick

Give that one a spin because it only has 13 views on youtube and it deserves more.

Kooks - Eddie's Gun

Son of Dork - Eddie's Song

The Glam Chops - Tell Us, Are You Ready, Eddie?

Featuring Eddie Argos from Art Brut and David Devant (minus His Spirit Wife). Only available on MySpace, it seems. (I know, I didn't even know MySpace was still a thing either.) 

Tin Machine - Goodbye, Mr. Ed

I would much rather have heard David Bowie singing "A horse is a horse, of course, of course..." Sadly, it was not to be.

Jack Lukeman - Ode To Ed Wood

Larrikin Love - Ed Would

But which Edwards made this week's Top Ten?

Let's find out...

10. The Fall - Ed's Babe

Let's kick off with this one, as suggested by Swiss Adam, seconded by George, and thirded by my MHPF, Ben.

Quality Fall track, Adam, said George, and who am I to disagree?

Edward lived with Mary

Like sister and brother

Till one night

Men are this

Men are this

(DIY)

Women too

[DIY]

[DIY]

Then there was three

DIY? Is this an ode to putting up Ikea furniture?

Maybe not...

9. Heinz - Just Like Eddie / Stray Cats - Gene & Eddie

I'm cheating a bit putting these two together, but Charity Chic suggested them both and they complement each other very well. 

8. The Pixies - Ed Is Dead

Nominated by Swiss Adam. 

Ben, added...

Pixies (after they lost the definitive) - Another Toe In The Ocean 

Merry making with the fairies

Going down to the onion patch

To you and me to shining seas

I see the lights of Edward Thatch

7. Wayne County & The Electric Chairs - Eddie & Sheena

Oh and there's 'Eddie & Sheena' by Wayne County & The Electric Chairs, says C, one of the first bands I ever saw down at our little local club when I was 14 (Wayne was quite something to behold, especially in 1978) and they gave everyone a free Eddie & Sheena badge at the door - soon to be defiantly pinned to my school blazer of course!

Top suggestion, C, from the band that also brought us If You Don't Wanna Fuck Me, Baby - Baby, Fuck Off. Which was apparently the first ever record Jools Holland played piano on.

6. It's Immaterial - Ed's Funky Diner

One of my fav songs, love it, says Jim in Dubai.

They didn't just drive away from home, you know!

5. Tom Waits - Poor Edward

The tale of Edward Mondrake, the "man with two faces", sympathetically chronicled by Tom.

Suggested by Walter and Ben.

Did you hear the news about Edward?

On the back of his head he had another face

Was it a woman's face or a young girl?

They said to remove it would kill him

So poor Edward was doomed

4. Smack - Edward Fox 

Jim wins the prize for Best Song I've Never Heard Before Today With The Name Edward In It.

Keep 'em coming, Jim!

3. Billy Joel - Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

I'm always too late here nowadays, says Alyson, so will get in quick with a name-check. Brenda and Eddie - Scenes From An Italian Restaurant by Billy Joel.

A seemingly throwaway suggestion, though in the process Alyson has stuck a pin in one of my all-time favourite Billy Joel songs. (I feel my love of Billy Joel has recently been vindicated by Hughie in The Boys. If you know, you know.)

You have to wait for the tempo change, but Brenda and Eddie play an important role in this song...

Brenda and Eddie were the

Popular steadies

And the king and the queen

Of the prom

Riding around with the car top

Down and the radio on

Nobody looked any finer

Or was more of a hit at the

Parkway Diner

We never knew we could want more

Than that out of life

Surely Brenda and Eddie would

Always know how to survive

2. Sleeper - Nice Guy Eddie

I'll obv(iou)s(ly) go for Sleeper - Nice Guy Eddie, said Martin (courting disaster with his barely hidden attempt at evoking the yoof-speak I banned last week), and not just because I'd listen to Louise sing the phone book ;)

Nice Guy Eddie, of course, turned out to be not such a nice guy after all...

Most weeks this would have been Number One, as I share a similar devotion to the divine Ms. Wener as Martin. However...

This week's winner is going to be one of those where I'm biased and play to my favourites, but thankfully Walter was with me...

1. Bruce Springsteen - Meeting Across The River

Amid all the rock 'n' roll bombast of the greatest album of the 70s comes this quiet slice of desperate lowlife storytelling set over a haunting, noirish solo from jazz trumpeter Randy Brecker. And Roy Bittan's characteristic piano playing and another jazz musician, Richard Davis, on double bass.

It doesn't sound like anything else on the album (although lyrically, it follows similar themes), but it's perfectly placed as an intimate pause for breath as the penultimate track on side two before the epic finale of Jungleland.

Hey, Eddie, can you lend me a few bucks

And tonight can you get us a ride?

Gotta make it through the tunnel

Got a meeting with a man on the other side

Hey Eddie, this guy, he's the real thing

So if you want to come along

You gotta promise you won't say anything

'Cause this guy don't dance

And the word's been passed this is our last chance

We gotta stay cool tonight, Eddie

'Cause man, we got ourselves out on that line

And if we blow this one

They ain't gonna be looking for just me this time

And all we gotta do is hold up our end

Here stuff this in your pocket

It'll look like you're carrying a friend

And remember, just don't smile

Change your shirt, 'cause tonight we got style

Well, Cherry says she's gonna walk

'Cause she found out I took her radio and hocked it

But Eddie, man, she don't understand

That two grand's practically sitting here in my pocket

And tonight's gonna be everything that I said

And when I walk through that door

I'm just gonna throw that money on the bed

She'll see this time I wasn't just talking

Then I'm gonna go out walking

Hey Eddie, can you catch us a ride ?

The obvious E for a girl's name would have been Emily, but it turns out I already did that here...

My Top Ten Emily Songs

And so...

NEXT WEEK: OUR TOP TEN EMMA SONGS

Hot 100 #17

I have to admit that when Jim in Dubai suggested a band called Seventeen to illustrate this week's edition of the Hot 100, I did wonder if he meant the Indonesian boy band.

Fortunately, he has a much better memory than me for bands long lost in the search engines of google...

Seventeen - Bank Holiday Weekend

Seventeen would, it turns out, grow up to become a little more famous as The Alarm.

Jim also suggested two other 17 bands, the first being an actual boy band... who were "alright" as boy bands go... although they did wear some ridiculous outfits.

East 17 - It's Alright

There was, however, only one band in the running this week...

Heaven 17 - Temptation

But what about 17 songs? Over to The Swede to start us off this week...

The Sex Pistols - Seventeen

I don't know if I should say this in a public forum frequented occasionally by those of the muso persuasion, but while I always appreciated the Sex Pistols for their comedy value... less so for their musical contributions, I'm afraid.

The Swede's next suggestion will definitely throw you down a hole in google if you start trying to find out more about them as I just did...

The Beattles-Ettes - Only Seventeen

...but it's worth saying that this link also caused me to temporarily break the Lime Green Rule for one of my favourite songs from this bunch...

The Beatles - I Saw Her Standing There

The Swede also offered...

Four Tet - Two Thousand & Seventeen

Heron Oblivion - Seventeen Landscapes

That latter one is pretty atmospheric, thanks, Swede.

The Swede was also the first to suggest a couple of serious contenders this week, which I'll save for later. But here's something he didn't suggest...

Winger - Seventeen

...can't understand why.

Martin turned up next with "a right old mixed bag this week"...

The Regents - 7-Teen

That one would have fallen outside my search criteria, so thank you.

Stephen Duffy - 17

That one hadn't. Great song.

Tracey Ullman - You Broke My Heart In 17 Places

That one deserves respect, for being a Kirsty MacColl composition. And also because it was next to this on youtube.

And then came Brian with the first of two suggestions... the other one is saved till later...

Stray Cats - (She's) Sexy + 17

Brian wins prizes for the video. They wouldn't allow that these days. Although, to be honest, the woman in the video looks (thankfully) much older than 17, as most "teen" movie stars of the 80s actually were. Michael J. Fox was 24 in Back To The Future.

C seconded a couple of earlier suggestions, then offered up two fine ones of her own...

Ladytron - Seventeen

Saint Etienne - When I Was Seventeen

When I was seventeen

My heart and head was full of brilliant dreams

Assembled in the light of the day

That seems so far away, away

Space and light and dreams

That's all people need and a place to sleep

The music and the songs that you play

Sound so far away, away

Jim in Dubai returned then with some more excellent offerings...

Momus - A Complete History of Sexual Jealousy (Parts 17-24) 

(Already used 7 weeks ago I believe.)

Absolutely.

My Life Story - 17 Reason Why I Love You 

(Extended version of 12 Reasons.....)

...come back in five weeks time!

Bis - Seventeen Hours

Rigid Digit was next to arrive, complaining that "Most of mine have gone again (my first vote is for Sex Pistols - Seventeen. The Regents in second place.)

So what have I got left on me list?"

The Eurythmics - 17 Again

Jet - 17

The Crystals - What A Nice Way To Turn 17 

Top marks for that last one, though I really had you down for seconding The Swede's (non-)suggestion of...

Winger - Seventeen

...just saying.

All of which leaves us with a Top Three Suggestions for this week, which we'll come back to after this message from my hard-drive...

Jim Bob - Seventeen

Superman Revenge Squad - Been A Private Detective For Seventeen Months

Prince - 17 Days

The Supremes - He's Seventeen

Black Box Recorder - Seventeen & Deadly

The Cure - Seventeen Seconds

(Surprised nobody suggested that.)

Foreigner - Seventeen

Courteeners - The 17th

Marina & The Diamonds - Seventeen

Banarama - Seventeen

Kaiser Chiefs - Seventeen Cups

Jens Lekman - Postcard #17

Paul Revere & The Raiders - Just Seventeen

Avi Buffalo - She Is Seventeen

Lady Antebellum - Damn You, Seventeen

Henry Lee Summer - Still Bein' Seventeen

(Yes, it's him again.)

Silver Sun - 17 Times

The Decemberists - 12/17/12

Gil Scott Heron & Brian Jackson - 17th Street

Rick James - 17

David Bowie - 1917

Thomas Dolby - 17 Hills

Strangelove - Extract From A Journal: Nov 17th 1997

Will Hoge - 17

Clint Boon - 17 & Over

Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons - Opus 17

(Somebody really ought to have remembered that one!)

And finally, before we get onto the heavyweights, a special mention for this old favourite...

Billy Joel - Miami 2017 (Seen the Lights Go Out on Broadway)

OK, then, the Top Three... with additional commentary from you guys...

3. Sharon Van Etten - Seventeen

Swiss Adam says...

Seventeen has a proper emotional heft, capable of giving you a bit of bump and stopping you in your tracks (you meaning me I guess), there's something about the rising chords and Sharon's voice that goes hits the bullseye. The 80s production is what must have sounded familiar to me. I never thought that a song that seems to reference mid- 80s Springsteen would appeal to me so much. In the song Sharon addresses her seventeen year old self and her freedom/ naivety, wanting to warn her about what lies ahead and the poor decisions she'll make but still knowing that she has to go through it all. She also gets pissed off with her younger self who she thinks wouldn't fully like her as she is now, would think she's lost it or sold out or something similar. One of the lines goes 'I used to be free/ I used to be seventeen' and judging by the comments on Youtube it seems that the line and the sentiment affects those much older than that and those around that age equally. I'm eleven years older than Sharon, turn fifty in a few months, and this song definitely nails a feeling, a sense of the loss of youth and the pain of looking back. That's the literal definition of nostalgia isn't it? Nostalgia usually evokes a sentimental looking back, feelings of wistfulness, the rosy glow of the past. But it's literal translation involves looking back with feelings of sadness, of something lost and gone. I don't want to be a person who's nostalgic for being seventeen- there are other 'better' ages to be nostalgic about, it's an age where you're still not fully sure of yourself in a lot of ways, I certainly wasn't, and an age where you know so little despite being so sure you know so much- but this song really does push all those buttons.

2. Stevie Nicks - Edge of Seventeen

Brian suggested this one, and for a while now I thought it would be my front-runner... but only because my memory is shot and I'd neglected to consider this week's winner. That said, I do think this is Ms. Nicks' finest moment... and not just as a solo artist.

1.  Janis Ian - At Seventeen

But yes, this had to be number one. As suggested by The Swede, Lynchie (who encouraged us to check out Tina Fey's karaoke cover of the song in an episode of "30 Rock"), and Alyson, who gave us chapter and verse...

The song was a big hit for Janis in the US in 1975, and although it never appeared in the UK charts, it soon became a staple of the airwaves. The song is about a girl who is somewhat of a social outcast in high school, and so it became a kind of anthem. She was inspired to write the single after reading a newspaper article about a young woman who believed her life would improve after a debutante ball, and her subsequent disappointment when it did not.

All these years later nothing has changed, and with social media to muddy the waters, if anything, things have got worse. I remember the year my daughter and her friends turned 17 and were experiencing the kind of anxieties as recounted in the song. I got them to listen to this song, as I think it summed up how they were feeling. Many nights were spent bemoaning the fact they were not one of The Populars, that group of girls with “clear skinned smiles” who always seem to get the boy.

Not much I can add to that, except... this is a heartbreaker.


Sweet little sixteen next week... I shudder at the prospect.

Hot 100 #18

Only one song by one band named after the number 18 in my record collection... but it's not a bad one at all.

The Eighteenth Day of May - Casey Jones

Welcome back to the Hot 100 as we come of age - backwards - with only 17 more weeks to go before I get to have a lie down. As has become customary in recent weeks, there's a ton of songs to get through... so let's get cracking.

Let's start with Martin...

18... I imagine there must be a bucketful. Can't think of too many off the top of my head though, so will just have to go with:

The Stray Cats - 18 Miles to Memphis 

Art Brut - 18,000 Lira  

So no, I don't expect to be winning again next week...

I dunno - that second one was in serious contention.

Next up is Lynchie...

Kathy Mattea has a decent country song called: "Eighteen Wheels And A Dozen Roses"...

Kathy Mattea - Eighteen Wheels And A Dozen Roses

Like that.

Speaking of 18 wheels, Rigid Digit offered this beauty...

Alabama - Roll On (Eighteen Wheeler)

RD also threw these into the ring...

Everyone needs a bit of hair metal once in a while:

Skid Row - 18 And Life

That's like a Silvikrin commercial.

How about electronica?

Moby -18

A bit of headbanging stuff?

Megadeth - Hangar 18

Pardon?

Over to Jim in Dubai next...

This week I am leading with: 

The Associates - 18 Carat Love Affair 

Brian seconded that. And then added a couple more of his own...

Bubblegum Splash - 18:10 to Yeovil Junction 

You do know my affection for anything on the Subway Organization label.

Yes, indeed, and while we're doing time of day songs...

Bloc Party - Waiting For The 7:18

Brian's other suggestion was one from my own shortlist...

Grandaddy - A.M. 180

Jason Lytle's first great song but nowhere near his last.

Love that how that cheesy intro cuts into the guitars.

Back to Jim, who also offered...

The Cygnet Ring - 18 Daze

I do like that.

18 Wheeler - Stay

Look - Jim found another 18 band!

Assuming... 

Momus - London 1888 

...doesn't qualify but certainly worth a mention.

Funnily enough, I did say 19th Century songs would be allowed Jim, because I had a few of my own...

Frank Black - 1826

The Pine Hill Haints - Spirit of 1812

Sparks - It Ain't 1918

The Handsome Family - Emily Shore - 1819 - 1839

Television - 1880 Or So

That is where The National got their entire at from!

Nick Nicely - Hill Fields (1892)

And that's where Damon Albarn got his from.

One more date - a day rather than a year though.

The Deep Dark Woods - 18th of December

Great video.

Alyson made it through my defences to drop these two...

Bobby Darin - Eighteen Yellow Roses 

Bryan Adams - 18 Til I Die

OK, before we get to this week's head to head, here's a few more from my hard-drive of horror...

5 Seconds Of Summer - 18

Nils Lofgren - 60 Is The New 18

Think that probably featured in week 60. Here's another one from Nils, from back when he was closer to 18...

Grin - 18-faced Lover

Client - Diary of an 18 Year Old Boy

Reverend & The Makers - 18-30

Theaudience - Now That You Are 18

Roy Orbison - Almost Eighteen

Consider that an uncomfortable taster of the next couple of weeks.

And finally, a top track from last year's long-awaited reunion album...

The Hold Steady - Star 18

All of which leaves us with two choices for this week.

In the red corner, here's Charity Chic...

I'm eighteen with a bullet

Got my finger on the trigger, 

I'm gonna pull it

And Lynchie...

Fascinating facts about Pete Wingfield (I bought "18 With A Bullet" in 1975 - fantastically fun lyrics):

He produced Searching for the Young Soul Rebels the first album by Dexys Midnight Runners - and also produced The Proclaimers "Sunshine on Leith".

He's played keyboards for Van Morrison, The Everly Brothers, The Housemartins and many more.

Sadly however, he did play piano for The Alan Parsons Project, but nobody's perfect.


In the blue corner, here's... erm... Lynchie...

...and then there's the great Alice Cooper song: "I'm Eighteen".

And C...

I definitely second FBCB's suggestion of Alice Cooper's 'I'm Eighteen'.
A few years ago Mr SDS did his best Alice Cooper impression at a fancy dress party (it was so hot his eyeliner ran and the great thing was that it didn't matter...) Somewhere out there now there's a priceless photo of Alice, Slash and Ozzy together in a scout hut in Essex.



And this week's winner...?

Well, it's obvious really, isn't it?

Well done, Lynchie.

Next week - 17. Off the top of my head, there can be only one winner. You may seek to persuade me otherwise...

Saturday Snapshots #115 - The Answers

Dude, where's my answers?



10. Right before the end: a Spider-Man gets stranded on a Welsh island.

A timely choice for the day after the worst election result in living memory.

Barry Island & Toby Maguire.

Barry McGuire - Eve of Destruction

9. Secondary software or failed video clears up the weather.

"This software is in Beta" & Betamax.

The Beta Band - Dry The Rain

8. ACME Joni kills... but her victims enjoy it.

"ACME Joni kills" is an anagram of Millie Jackson.

Millie Jackson - It Hurts So Good

7. Waifs and felines shake the city.

Waifs and strays...

Stray Cats - Rock This Town

6. President's wife confronts his assassin via Pegasus & Uffington.

President Kennedy's wife was Jackie.

His assassin was Lee Harvey Oswald. (He was not a patsy.)

Pegasus & Uffington were white horses.

Nice boots.

Jackie Lee - White Horses

5. Switched on band won't depress me.

You switch on an electric light.

A band can be an orchestra.

Electric Light Orchestra - Don't Bring Me Down

Top intro right there.

4. Posh clan celebrates boiling forecast.

If you remember this one, the clue was really easy. If you've never heard it, you had no chance.

Tribe Of Toffs - John Kettley Is A Weatherman

Lots of extremely dated references in there. But Johnny Marr's immortality is guaranteed.

3. Sweetie brings all the boys to the yard. Dreams unwind. Love's a state of mind.

"Dreams unwind. Love's a state of mind." are lyrics from Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac.

Kelis's Milkshake brought all the boys to the yard.

Sugar is sweet.

Rhiannon Giddens - Shake Sugaree

2. Albert's Theory of BOOM!

Albert Einstein's theory of relativity was E=MC2

BOOM! is a loud sound.

Dynamite also goes BOOM!

I like a bit of a cavort.

Big Audio Dynamite - E=MC2

1. Created 10; created by (part of) 10.

Spider-Man creates webs.

The song Eve Of Destruction (#10) was written by the elusive songwriter P.F. Sloan.

Jimmy Webb is God.



More Excellent! Snapshots next Saturday. Possibly of the Christmas variety. If I can be bothered.

Hot 100 #48

AKB48 are a Japanese girl-band with 134 members who have sold 56 million records. And you thought five Spice Girls were too many!

Welcome back. You know the drill by now. Every week we count down another number, you provide lots of useful suggestions for songs that mention that number, and then I either bow to public pressure and go with one of your choices... or choose some obscure bit of nonsense that nobody else likes because I'm weird that way.

Last week, I suggested that I had "an obvious cool answer and an obvious slightly-less-cool answer for 48".

C was first to identify the "obvious cool" answer...

The Clash - 48 Hours

...which might have been this week's winner if I were more cool myself. But I'm not.

The Swede was convinced that the above (or "the obvious slightly-less-cool answer", which we'll come to in a moment) would be this week's winner, but that didn't stop him stumping up the following...

Frank Sinatra - Let's Get Away From It All

We'll travel 'round from town to town,

We'll visit every state, I'll repeat I love you sweet,

In all the forty eight...

Which, I guess, proves that this song was written long before Alaska & Hawaii joined the U.S.A. in 1959, making the number up to 50.

The Swede's next suggestion stole the thunder of our resident Canadian player, Douglas McClaren this week...

The Tragically Hip - The Dark Canuck

Till their art falls out, 

The short answer's 48 hours...

And finally from The Swede, this week's obligatory Bob Dylan entry...

Bob Dylan - Changing of the Guards

She wakes him up 48 hours later, 

The sun is breaking

In truth, 48 proved a tougher number than most - even Martin struggled to find anything beyond the obvious two suggestions, although he did eventually identify another one from my library...

The Tindersticks - 4.48 Psychosis

Finally, Jim from Dubai offered us another 48 band, and obscure Manchester act from 40 years gone...

48 Chairs - Snap It Around

A few more lyrical offerings from my own collection, starting with this week's token car song...

When I was a young boy,
It weren't too late,
I had me a Buick, was a '48
Yeah, tons and tons of rollin' steel
With a long black hood and four big wheels.

Neil Young - Get Gone

I asked the girl which road she was taking
She said she’s walking the road of hate
But she hopped on a coal-trolley up to New Town,
Population: 48

Nick Cave - Crow Jane

And finally, this rather unhygienic offering... 

Well, I didn't take a bath in 48 hours

So I took a detour and had a meteor shower

The Stray Cats - Blast Off! 

But in the end, it came down to either The Clash... or this week's "slightly less cool" winner, which actually got more votes, and not just from the middle-aged men in the audience... George, The Swede, Martin, Rigid Digit and Charity Chic, who went all googly-eyed and starting sighing like a lovestruck teenager. Not just them, because Alyson voted for this feminist icon too..

Take it away, Suzie Q...



Next Tuesday I will be 47. Your messages of condolence will be much appreciated.

By a wild coincidence, that's also the day we hit 47 on the Hot 100 Countdown. It's almost like I planned it that way... but who'd believe that?

Anyway, your suggestions for songs featuring the number 47 will be gratefully received...