If you're anything like me, when given the opportunity to hear someone speak on a way of life that you strive for every day, you make it happen.
I routinely pore over our community paper in hopes of finding an interesting discussion, meeting, session; something that would inspire me, enrich me, and connect me to like-minded people.
I remember a December morning, driving to hear a just-published author speak on her book, "Emotional Abundance." This screamed my name loud and clear: I had the emotional part, now I just had to learn how to make it feel abundant. Michelle Bersell, an area psychotherapist, was the speaker.
By nature, my DNA has "take no risk, risk no rejection" stamped all over its genome type. But Michelle had me nodding my head up and down so vigorously in agreement during her talk, that I made my shy self walk up to this intelligent woman afterward, and thank her for her words that were like water to my parched soul.
She was gracious, and so began our friendship. I have known Michelle professionally as my life coach and have come to now know her as my friend. She is a pure spirit of a woman, who feels we are all more capable than what we set before us.
I decided to take another risk and ask Michelle to be on my blog so that I could introduce you to this inspirational woman. I spoke with her on the phone, we emailed a few times, and today I am excited and proud and humbled to have her here, talking on a fascinating subject: our emotions. Her premise: when we "own" and honor our feelings, rather than interpret them as "good" or "bad," the ground is fertile for self-empowerment and an active role in our lives. Before uncovering the truth to her emotions, Michelle confesses that even though she was a psychotherapist, she would become paralyzed by her feelings and fears.
Thank you, Michelle, for accepting my invitation to be on my site today. I am thrilled to share you with the wonderful people I've met along the way.
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As
a mom, are you filled with confidence about how attentive and present
you are with your kids? Do you feel like you are able to fulfill
their every need? If you are like most moms, including myself, the
answer is likely a big, fat NO!
Even
though you already realize that not being able to fulfill your
child’s every need is a good thing, a part of you yearns to do so.
It is that part of you that wants to feel above adequate in providing
for your kids’ emotional needs. Because women happen to be
genetically set up to be more aware of feelings, moms tend to set
much of the emotional tone in the families. Through being connected
to your feelings, you are able to create greater intimacy within your
relationships as well as a more robust emotional center.
Setting
the emotional tone in your family is no easy task. You have your own
emotions to deal with, your spouse or partner’s, as well as your
kids. So while you may wake up enthused about your day, your son or
daughter may make some offhanded comment that gets you reeling.
Not
too long ago, my son’s comment “I like Dad’s kisses better,”
got me going. Making matters worse, his twin brother agreed. My
saving grace was my daughter, who although did not stick up for me,
at least didn’t chime in with her brothers.
Is
it silly that a comment like that tweaked me? Well, yes and no. As
a psychotherapist, I can tell you the easier thing to do is blow off
our feelings, no matter how irrational or pathetic they may first
appear. Our rational mind can easily dismiss and label incidents
that trigger our feelings as insignificant, wrong or shameful, in
order to get us to move on with our day.
Here’s
the deal though: Should you blow off your feelings, you are
unknowingly missing crucial information about yourself that is
impacting the emotional tone you set in your family AND that will
keep you from feeling fulfilled.
What
was underneath my own feelings was the oh so stereotypical mother’s
guilt. Even though I thought I got the work/life balance down, I
wondered “Did I miss the mark? Was I not available to my kids as
much as I thought?” Wow, - all that from one little comment!
Of
course, I am not conscious of those thoughts and concerns as I go
about my day. Most of the time, I am feeling pretty darn good as a
parent. It would be so easy for you or I to ignore these tiny little
hurts. Yet I persuade you not to because what is underneath the
feeling is juicy information that supports you and I to live in even
greater joy and fulfillment.
You
see, each feeling has its own unique gift. The gift of guilt is
that when it is understood from your empowered self, it is supporting
you to reclaim more of who you are as a woman. In other words, there
is an old, outdated version of who you think you ought to be that no
longer serves you. For us women, the ideal mom version we hold
within us runs deep. In fact, our rational minds may dismiss this
super mom version of ourselves entirely. The ego, which holds your
fear, wants to use that version of super nurturer to test you as you
grow more fully into your unique expression of being a woman. What
is often at the hull of the ego’s notion of keeping our children
emotionally healthy is being the ultimate nurturers.
As
a psychotherapist and a mom, I can tell you what kids really need is
to have nurturance modeled to them. Sometimes, nurturance is modeled
through providing them with the care they need. What is often
missing, however, is being able to model how to self-soothe.
To
be frank, this task can be a challenge, when most adults themselves
do not know how to self-soothe in a truly nurturing way. What is
modeled to kids is turning to food, alcohol, Facebook and cell phones
to try to ease our inner tensions. What is modeled is short-term
fixes rather than long-term solutions.
Think
of how different our society would be if kids understood how to
address their feelings from an empowered stance instead. Rather than
feel weighed down or helpless, your kids would be able to recognize
how their negative feelings are showing them how to get back on track
to their true selves. The result is they feel more certain in who
they are, giving them the confidence to allow their true self to
shine!
You
and I, as mothers, are at the forefront of this change in emotional
well-being. As you can see from my own example, this isn’t about
providing yourself or your kids with a quick fix. It is a daily
practice to recognize when your small self comes up that you are
actually being guided to honor more of your truth. The more you
honor your truth, the greater your ability will be to truly serve
your kids, family and society, from a place of fulfillment rather
than exhaustion.
The
small self tries to insist that we must be the ones that provide the
emotional nurturance for our kids. Your empowered self, on the other
hand, knows that true emotional nurturance comes from within each
individual. Giving our children this internal understanding is a
gift they will carry throughout their lifetime, as well as onto their
own children.
To
make this shift within yourself and your children, you must be
willing to reclaim what has been considered weak, shameful, or even
too sensitive, as one of your greatest strengths. In my new book
F.E.E.L.:
Turn Your Negative Feelings Into Your Greatest Allies,
I show you how each of your emotions is present to serve and support
you. With a list of over 65 negative feelings, I share with you both
the small self version as well as your empowered self’s message
that is unique to each specific feeling you experience. The result
is you learn how to move from disempowerment to empowerment, from
fear to love, and from stress to peace day by day, moment by moment,
feeling by feeling so you can teach your children to do the same.
Michelle Bersell, M.A., M.Ed., is known as a
visionary leader in emotional consciousness who challenges common thought and
understanding regarding emotional well-being. Combining her training as a
psychotherapist along with her perceptive insight, Michelle continues to lead
thousands to a new level of accessing and celebrating their
potential.
Besides media attention in Women’s World
magazine, Parents magazine and Fox Television, Michelle is
featured in the upcoming film documentary The Secret 2 LUCK. Her latest
book F.E.E.L.: Turn Your Negative Feelings Into Your Greatest Allies is a
featured gift of the 2012 Emmy Awards. Michelle has also received national
recognition as one of the “50 Great Authors You Should be Reading” for her first
book Emotional Abundance: Become Empowered. Michelle currently lives in
Milwaukee, Wisconsin with her loving husband, daughter and twin
sons.
Find out more about Michelle at: