Showing posts with label Not Useful?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Not Useful?. Show all posts

Tuesday, 12 September 2023

Got poor, old etc. Been workin'**

Sorry for the lack of posts. Things have been CHALLENGING recently. Anyway, call me if you need advice on being middle aged and the least successful member of your peer group by far**.

I just finished reading a few books on WAR; 'The Guns of August', 'Onwards Towards Our Noble Deaths' by Shigeru Mizuki, 'The Poetry of Jessie Pope' and 'Rough Rhymes of a Padre' by 'Woodbine Willie'. I will try to put together some kind of review in the next few days. I usually put these on the Substack first but everything over there ends up over here eventually.


Speak, False Machine is taking its time but hopefully some news on that soonish.


In the brief meantime, my friend Dan is running a micro-kickstarter for a picture book based on a legend in which Merlin and King Arthur battle a giant Kitten.



I have backed and they only need about 20 people to actually make the thing.



The question is will this one be on the shelf or eventually sent to my niece. There is only one way to find out!


Saturday, 3 October 2020

Village Shops

 Brainstorm for 'Goose-Gold and Goblins'. Trying to think of interesting things for a village without getting too clever with it, just staying within the general assumed concepts, and also staying broadly child friendly, hopefully without being boring. The economy doesn't really work, these are places for a small town really. Given in the order of conception;


art by Varguy https://www.deviantart.com/varguy/art/Shop-716694541


BAKER

The smell of fresh bread, early in the morning. Flour everywhere, flour-covered arms, sacks of flour, puffs of flour, (bags of flour are handy for finding invisible people). Bakers get up early, they rise in the night when the stars are still bright and see by the moon. The smoke from their oven is in the sky before dawn. They are often the first to discover strange things that have happened in the night, they might see witches flying about, or bats, or ghosts, but never speak of them. Bakers also need to go to sleep very early and get very upset by noises in the afternoon and they tend to miss things that happen in the evening - so they like to hear gossip of what has gone on.


MILLER

A windmill must be on a hill, maybe outside the town, everyone can see it and see if it is moving with the wind, while a water mill must be by a river. A water mill will have a run or millrace, a specially cut stream of dangerous fast-flowing water. Either way, the miller is deeply concerned with the mill itself. It seems that at the mill either nothing is happening and the miller is asleep with a cloth over their face, or everything is happening and the miller is running around desperately adjusting things, greasing things especially. The miller always needs more grease, and soon. The mill causes enormous friction and its parts have to be oiled and greased, often while still in motion or they will set on fire.


PASTRY MAKER

"Its actually Pâtissier." 
Pastry Makers are very fine and are somewhat posh and precise. They do not want you touching the pastries. The pâtissier thinks of themselves as a kind of jeweller for food. They make art, in a way, art that you eat. 


DAIRY

The dairy has cows, who are called in from the fields going loooo, bells jangling. The cows insist on being milked in a particular order (they are intensely hierarchal). The cows are called by yodelling and some dairies will employ a sub-yodeller for this. The dairy also sells butter, which requires relentless churning, cheese, which needs careful storage and other dairy products. The Dairy manager can be seen having long conversations with the Innkeppers about things fermenting slowly. Much of their job is waiting, but not waiting too long.



MILKMAN

The Milkman, up not long after the Baker, travels from house to house each morning, bringing milk, very slowly, breath huffing in the cold air through their scarf, and very quietly; their donkeys hooves are muffled and silent on the cobbles. Is the milkman a force for order and reason, or a herald of the night? He carries a moon lamp for his pre-dawn work and treads the boundary between night and day.



BUTCHER

The Butcher has a Red shop, all strung with sausages and animal parts freshly hung each morning. Butchers are always large and red, with strong tattooed arms. They wield a cleaver with incredible skill and could probably kill everyone if they wished, (and dispose of them too). They have a mincing machine which the small-butcher is always turning the handle of, turning one kind of meat into another. Fundamentally, the Butcher cuts things, especially meat. They are an expert in cutting. The nature of the Butcher is life-from-death, and they have a stoic temperament when it comes to the sufferings of the world. They value life, but accept death perhaps more easily than others, though you might not realise it from their simple manner. "Life, is death, is life", they might say, illustrating this with a ring of sausages, a concept they share with the wheelwright.



PUB

We may consider here the Inn, the Pub, and the Rival Pub, though they are not the same they all have a great deal in common.

The Pub opens around mid-day for anyone who wants a small beer and gets busier and busier throughout the afternoon. In the evening it is full of people gathered round tables, telling stories. If you want a story that is a good place to go. Pubs have low ceilings, black beams, heavy iron furniture, a fire roaring, animal tack on the walls, (no one knows why they do this), a couple of animals around, a dog, a ghost etc, and an old fellah who seems always to be there and who tells tales of the Sea. Huge barrels of ale are brought to the in and lowered through its mysterious hatch, this is then piped up to the bar. The Pub has games also, darts and snooker, gurning, wrestling and a mystery night where teams have to answer increasingly complex questions. There are rivalries amidst the teams. As the night goes on, the Pub is meant to close but will sometimes just lock the doors so the regulars can keep drinking. Sometimes there are dramas and someone, or a group are ejected from the Pub and say they will only drink in the Rival Pub, or the Inn from now on, and visa versa.

"Rival Pub" is pretty similar to the Pub, but contains many of the people who have been kicked out of there, or those who have experienced various dramas. Rival Pub has a team who compete against Pubs team at various times. 

The Inn, is essentially like Pub, and Rival Pub, but larger and slightly posher. Travellers from far away can rent small rooms in the Inn. The downstairs is like a Pub but slightly larger, more expensive, emptier and higher class.



GROCER

The grocer has all the foods which the Baker and the Butcher don't. All the foods which will keep, anything you need, a shop full of stuff. What you need may be high up - the shelves are very tall and there is something different on each one, plus there is "round the back", a liminal and unknown space accessible only to the Grocer which might contain anything. If you ask for something in particular, the Grocer will purse their lips and look at a list; "we might have it, let me see.....". There is always more than one person in the Grocer and you are sure to meet someone there. The Grocers shop is a reassuringly normal and relatively drama-free environment.



TINKER

The great rival of the Milkman, the Tinker also travels throughout the village and even the wilderness. Unlike the Milkman, the Tinker even goes out into the farmlands and the waste lands, you never know where you will encounter them. The Tinker carries a great pack full of things, and hung with jangling objects. They have a little of everything, anything you might need, many things you didn't know you needed. It seems they can do almost anything, at least a little; cut a key, sharpen a knife, shoe a horse, play a card trick, cook a meal. The Tinker is small and stooped over beneath their pack and they have a long coat, when they open the coat, there are some "very special items" hanging within, often things you find you need. 

It is generally accepted that the Tinker is allied somewhat with the forces of magical strangeness and the unknown. Its never clear exactly where they live, where they are going or where they are, (they just turn up in places), or where they get all these things. At least some of the things are somewhat magical, sometimes extremely magical, and there is rarely a clear warning given for this, or any explanation given, and the Tinkers habit of having strange and unique things that someone needs quite that instant is very odd. And there are rumours of strange prices being asked for these things, services, locks of hair, breaths of air, spiderwebs etc, and of dark fates when these prices are not paid. And though the Tinker seems slow and loud, stooped beneath their heavy pack and jangling, it also seems that they can move pretty quickly and quietly when they wish.

The Milkman, who fundamentally divides day from night, dream from real, what is known from what is unknown, has a deep dislike and suspicion of the Tinker, who mixes all these things up. The Tinker may be allied with, or at least familiar with, the Bookseller and the Apothecary, and is almost always "in cahoots" with the Pawnbroker.



BLACKSMITH

The Blacksmith is, in some ways the small king of the village shopkeepers and craftspeople. Everyone needs the services of the Blacksmith for one thing or another, their forge is always burning, even a little at night, it can never be allowed to go out. When the smith is at work, the pounding of their hammer can be heard and gusts of black smoke come from their chimney. The smith is incredibly strong, with scorched, skilled hands and says little, but looks at you with a gleam or a glare, its hard to tell which. They have a spark in their eye (though not literally). Inside the forge is the pounding of the hammer, steam, smoke, sparks and an apprentice heaving on a bellows or fetching cups of tea. Often, gathered outside the forge, benefiting from its warmth and light, and close to it, )though not every crossing its boundary), groups of men gather, (its always men), often older men, sometimes even playing chess, the men discuss facts and argue over details, contesting their opinions at length. These arguments rarely break out into acrimony, and if they do a look from the smith quells such trouble. The smith speaks rarely and listens little to their talk, the words drift over them. If the smith does interrupt, their opinion always ends the argument, whatever it was, and the men gathered outside rapidly move to a new topic of discussion. Magical things do not love the Smith and rarely come there, fearing the iron, the fire and the Smiths strength and craft. The Tinker would not dare come near here.



CUTLER

The Cutler is simply a lighter, finer, slightly less glamorous Blacksmith who mainly makes cutlery and other small items. They rarely work with black iron. Their creations are more attractive, and less heavy, powerful and dangerous than those of the smith, yet they have their skills. No men come to gather outside their forge on a cold morning. Neither are they silent or strange as the Smith is.



CARPENTER

Other than the Blacksmith, almost no-one is in as much demand as the Carpenter. Their floor strewn with sawdust, the smell of the workshop is incredible. Like the blacksmith, there is usually a rhythmic sound coming from the carpenters, in this case, chiselling, sawing, carving or the planing of wood, and unlike the blacksmiths, this room is light. There are no fires here, and no oil lamps, except sometimes in winter, the carpenter must do everything by daylight, which is why they have large windows and big doors, and often leave the doors open, swing wide to let in more light, even if its cold. 

If you want anything wooden fixed, replaced or made anew; doors, house beams, chairs, cupboards, wooden floors and wooden panels, here is where you come. The carpenter has a huge warehouse full of beams and planks of different woods, they are stacked there in the dry room  hanging from its rafters, piled on stands, all awaiting some mysterious process of age and time until the Carpenter says; "now is the time for that tree to meet its business". 

Like the Butcher, the Carpenter deals in death, in this case, the death of trees, and like the Butcher, the Carpenter knows a great deal about, and has sympathy with, the object of the work. The Carpenter can tell how old a tree is, in what conditions it grew, what it suffered in life and how this might affect its grain and structure. The carpenter always needs help cleaning out the sawdust, unlike the Blacksmiths there are few dangerous things here, the sharp tools are all correctly stowed and nothing burns, but everything is sensitive, to time, weather, temperature and condition, and the Carpenter knows all this; which woods need less damp, which will suffer in the cold or heat, which to warp and which to hold. The Carpenter is always thinking about their wood, like a shepherd about their sheep, their mind ticking away with conditions and time, "this wood is no good".



WICKERWORKER

The wicker worker is to the Carpenter as the Cutler is to the Blacksmith, except more cheerful about it. All day they sit and weave, baskets, chairs, screens, whatever is needed, light and strong, fast and cheap, that is how they make it, stripping and weaving, building the structure in their mind before they build it with their hands, like other crafters. But with the Wickerworker you can sit and watch them work, chatting as they do so, weaving whatever it is out of thin air before your eyes.



BARBER 

(also dentist, also surgeon, also vet)
TEETH and HAIR, two things most people have, or at least they tend to have one of them, and either can be attended to in the same place! Even at the same time! What wonders! 

Pliers, scissors, some mouth mirrors and a strong but deft hand, true expertise! Not only that but the Barber can heal your animals and pets too! Or at least they will have a crack at it, the important thing, they think, is to have a try, no matter what it is, how else can anyone learn anything, except with PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE? Setting a broken limb? Sure, how hard can it be? Stitching someone up? Simple as! Pulling out a misfiring organ? "Now now", the Barber purses their lips, "that one might be tricky, money upfront for that one, and no promises, but I will attempt it!. After all, I have my skeleton here, and my diagram of the body here. Would you like a haircut at the same time?" (The Barber is a primary customer for the sawdust of the Carpenter).

Whatever happens at the Barbers, at the end, they hold up their mirror in the mirror, so you can have a good look and the customer says fine thank you, wonderful, great thanks fine goodbye. The Barber doesn't just pull teeth, they, you might say, recycle them. Teeth otherwise unused become fresh teeth for the old, a little mix and match, might be a few odd ones in there, but they work! The Barber also has a side-interest in Taxidermy, which they would be happy to show you, in the room at the back.....



POSSIBLE WITCH

She is not saying she IS a Witch. But neither will she say that she is not, if you get my meaning. The hat can come off or on, depending on your need. Baby delivered or fortune told? Uncomfortable abscess or love potion? A social dilemma or haunted by ghosts? (Could be the same thing). There is a lot of wiggle room in the description, by the way, would you help wind my yarn?

The Witch certainly knows the Tinker, may know the Apothecary and possibly the Bookseller, laughs at the Barber and won't go near the Smith. In turn, the men who gather by the Blackmiths forge scoff at the Possible Witch, while they are near the forge, then they turn silent and get home before dark, looking around for Black Cats. The Smith says nothing on the Subject.

The Possible Witch does have a lot of Cats around, though not all are black. Her cottage is small and low, with many things hanging from the rafters, and she has a hearth spirit which changes colour and winks suggestively. There might be a skull in there, who knows? No one is saying that the possible witch might possibly have poisoned anyone, (certainly not within earshot, of her, or her cats), but if anyone did get poisoned, well, she would be one to ask (politely). Herbs also, if you want to know about herbs, or want a Toadstool identified.



APOTHICARY

A member of the Village intelligentsia, often to be found with the bookseller, the Draper, the Cutler and tolerating the presence of the Barber. The Apothecary is a creature of science and system, weight and measure. The Apothecaries shop is wonderous, filled floor to ceiling with bottles and cases of rare and unknown substances, all carefully weighed and recorded precisely in the Apothecaries great book, only ever sold and prescribed with the most precise instructions as to their preparation and use. Whatever ails the body (serious ailments only please, for broken bones and bleeding veins, busy yourself with the Barber), the Apothecary considers themselves something of a detective of the body, that dark and mysterious fluidic space, which no eye may penetrate, but the steady lance of knowledge might. 
The Apothecary wishes to know absolutely everything about the ailment; times and temperatures
family history, blotches and marks, sweats and fevers, "a hot sweat or a cold sweat?" stools and urine, no laughing please, medicine is a serious business. The Apothecary takes in all this precise knowledge, and within their own dark body, they compare and match it with the great storehouse of knowledge recorded by Apothecaries past. There the secret must be, and there the secret is, lodged in line and letter, hiding in some book. Once a diagnosis is made, "take two of these twice a day, heat this oil gently and smear it on with fresh beeswax, drip this into your eye, but do not look up for a day, then all will be well".



DRAPER

The Draper stands at the head of the enclave of interrelated cloth-based trades. If they were a gang, the Draper would be the one in charge. Below them are the Tailor, the Haberdasher the Milliner and, somewhat adjacent, the Cobbler, (and beyond the pale, but connected due to the selling of old clothes, the Pawnbroker). 

The Draper is a creature of business, and of Quality. It would wound them to sell the wrong cloth to the wrong person. "One can always tell when someone is in the wrong cloth", they might say. This is unsurprising as, in a way, the Draper directly sells social status. Nothing indicates the differences in wealth, role and position, more than cloth, and the Draper is the source of cloth, so in a way, they order society, arranging the boundaries between groups and classes. For society to be out of joint, disordered or upturned, if the Tinker was seen in a suit like the Bookseller, or the Apothecary wore a heavy leather apron like the Blacksmith, ... horribe! too horrible, a world gone mad! In a way, the Draper exists to make sure this never happens, that the world never goes mad.



TAILOR

The tailor is a sympathetic creature, quiet, demure, deeply knowledgeable about everybodies bodies, about how they wish to be seen, and how they are seen. Their customers have never made a bad choice, "Splendid, simply splendid, though have you considered this?" The tailor comments very little on the doings of others, whether at work or in society, they always seem to be agreeing with whomever they speak, or at least, being sympathetic, and they are very pleasing to speak to, in a light way. Old ladies love to speak to them at length, the Tailor, and an old lady with her dogs, can stand and speak on a corner for upwards of half an hour, yet at the end of that, not a fact may have passed between them, or even a strong opinion, "Isn't it lovely though, just lovely..".

the Tailor is never dirty and is always precise. Their hands are cleaner than the Barbers (and their stitching better), though you will never get the Tailor to aid you in stitching up flesh, 
that would be absolutely impossible, not the done thing, no not at all. Though the Tailor has no prejudice against anyone, spending time even with the Tinker, they are very much a creature of the "done thing", their own standards, are high, and remain so, though they have nothing but compassion with those who cannot reach so high.



HABADASHER

Small fabrics. We may find the Haberdasher with the cutler, the wickerworker and the pâtissier. On the lower rank of slightly-less vital services. The Haberdasher is an essentially a bright and pleasing individual, they live in a world of "little extras" and "finishing touches". Everything around them is a pleasing addition, a superfluous ornamentation, and occasionally a vital forgotten element. Their purpose in life is to please and fulfil, to garnish and ornament the lives of others and sometimes to save the day with a particular kind of thread or a rare needle type. The Haberdasher seems to float a little, at least in the Haberdashery, moving between shelves like a lost balloon, emerging silently and smiling behind you at strange times, sometimes trotting through the village at speed carrying a wicker basket packed with oddements and trailing ribbon, on their way to a Haberdashery Emergency.



MILLINER

Close ally to the Draper in the protection of social order and social roles, does anyone ever really need a hat? The Milliner certainly thinks they do, and several of them, some for daily wear, formal wear, weddings, funerals, specialist work wear, outdoor hats and indoor caps (it would be rude to wear a hat indoors). The Milliner lives for EVENTS, (and is therefore a good calendar for them), for at these times, everybody wants a hat and everyone wants a unique hat. Often people compete against each other for social precedence. Hat wars break out, with the Milliner carefully playing both sides, casually mentioning "the peacock feathers? of those are for so and so-s hat". The Milliner is only distantly aware of the existence of the rest of the human body below the head, they know the skull shape and haircut of everyone in the village, but could not always swear to their clothes, age, or gender. Though consumed with the human need for status, the Milliner is slightly connected to the lunar underworld of the village, something they try to keep quiet. Their need for extra bits and pieces gives them contact with the Haberdasher (who is always happy to help), but the extreme desire for some for a hat element beyond the normal or known means the Milliner must fare far to both provoke and fulfil such desires. They may enter secret negotiations with the Pawnbroker, the Tinker and even the Possible Witch. As well as this, hats, like shoes, often contain some residual magic, simply by virtue of being hats, and the milliner may play a secret role in guarding these prized fashion devices. (They would rather you didn't mention it, really, at all....).



COBBLER

Somewhat more magical than the other clothiers, sometimes seen with the Pawner and the Tinker, hanging around. It’s not clear what it is about shoes exactly that leaves the Cobbler a strange being, crabbed and small, deft and quick, open to dreams and tales, wise and crafty, indifferent to social status, unconscious of coin, but extremely obsessed with being paid what they are owed. Like many of the more magically inclined community members, the Cobbler will often make trades for strange services or unusual, even intangible things, and like those other trades, more so than with gold and coin, you better pay up, down to the letter and down to the date. The cobbler, oddly, is willing to make shoes for anything, they consider it a matter of pride (except horses, they leave that to the Blacksmith as a matter of ancient law), but anything else, birds, ladybugs, sycamore seeds, boats, bridges, bibles, they will attempt it. The cobbler judges everyone by their feet, and tut tuts when they see a poor wear pattern on a pair of shoes. They do not mind ugly feet, or old feet, wide feet or flat feet, "its all in the game", the cobbler might say, but every so often, they will see some feet that put them off, and no one ever knows why.



BOOKSELLER 

The bookseller is often also a bookbinder, a scribe and sometimes a publisher and editor, combining all roles in one. Bookshops are commonly more cold than one would wish and this is because they are secretly infinite. However the shop starts out, it always ends up as a warren of strange little corridors, odd turnings, forgotten stairways, unlocked doors where you are not quite sure if they are meant to be unlocked. By long defined physics, bookshops all burrow infinitely into space (L-Space as the Sage has defined), and link up with other shops in other places and times. The Bookseller stands guard over all of this, making sure that no-one goes too deep into the shop, or that if they do that they get lost in such a way that they come right back out again.

Few places are as quiet as a bookshop, and the booksellers eyes follow you around the room from behind owl-like glasses. As a guardian of written knowledge, it is the Booksellers duty to bring people into contact with the knowledge they desire, or think they desire, so long as they can afford it and don't damage the books, but the Bookseller really generally does not want to surrender any books. Reducing their store displeases them, they are perhaps the most sceptical form of shopkeeper, slightly troubled by the presence of customers, why are they even here, to cause trouble? Yes, by buying books. A curious quality of the bookshop is that the seller almost never has exactly the thing you are looking for, but they always have something close to it, or quite close, or not at all close, but useful none the less. And yes, the bookseller is quiet and thin fingered. Imagine them and you are probably right.



PAWNBROKER 

Ally to the Tinker, and known by the Cobbler and Possible Witch, the Pawnbroker is rarely visited openly. They have everything, like the Tinker, except the have more of it; odds and ends, you know, clothes, books, tools, jewels, kitchenware, walking sticks, cigarette lighter? fancy a meerschaum pipe? 

If anyone is criminal in the village, its the Pawnbroker, they are always under suspicion. Like the Bookseller their shop is small and dark and there is rarely anyone else inside. You can see oddments through the glass. The Pawnbroker is always ready to help somebody out, by taking things off your hands - things you don't need of course, and you can get it back, certainly, "when your luck improves, fortunes wheel and all that". They also have cheap versions of whatever you need right now, especially clothes, though the clothes the Pawnbroker sells are always slightly ... odd, a strange fit, an unknown material, foreign label or incomprehensible smell, almost always a foreign coin left in a pocket, or a desperate note sewn into the seams.

No place is more likely to begin or end an adventure than the Pawnbrokers, and like the Bookseller, the Pawnbrokers shop has a tendency towards infinity. A maze of shelves and hidden rooms which they keep safely locked away, and which you will likely never see. Magic also the Pawnbroker is familiar with, they know the value of anything and the history of almost all that falls into their hands. Are they good or evil? Whichever it is, they are certainly not lawful, (though no-one can prove anything). A jewellers glass in their eye and a cricket bat beneath their bench.

Tuesday, 7 July 2020

Soft D&D Monster Brainstorm

Latest in the somewhat-ragged series;


Rude Orcs


Other Orcs are poor but these are very rich and pink and loud and will not go away. These Orcs move in groups, riding horses to death and breaking carriages on bending roads. They move into villages and sometimes ruins and have raucous loud and unending parties where they demand to be entertained loudly and endlessly.

These Orcs are very corse, cruel and rude and upset everyone. As well as being very strong, so you can't just force them out, they are also very rich, and have a lawyer, either with them, trapped in a silver mirror, or easily summon able by midnight bat.

Tangling with the Rude Orcs can mean you get humiliated, laughed at, have drinks and food spilled on you, have your clothes torn and be thrown in a ditch.

If the Rude Orcs really take against you they can come to your house, eat and drink everything, break furniture and shout, sing and fight all night, making the place unliveable.

How to get rid of the Orcs?

Magic perhaps, as Orcs are very scared of it. Some other Stranger or Spirit, which would mean making a deal. Or persuading them to go elsewhere for some unknown reason.

Rude Orcs love to bet and hate to be seen to welch on a bet, so its possible to out-gamble them, they also love competitions of eating, drinking, being loud, being strong and breaking things and it can be possible to trick them into such an event.





Moon Mage




Moon Mages live in Silver Towers on the borders of night and are very active under a changing moon.

(This means you can usually only find them around dawn or dusk, unless you have a silver key, or a dream compass to locate them.)

Owls know about the Keys and the Compasses.

Moon mages are very powerful and strange. Distracted and odd. They do not pay much attention to the normal world and are focused very deeply on their moon magic. 

They become dangerous 

Their main danger is that they can massively alter the world around them. 

Transform sheep into cheese, which means you need to hide them from mice until they can be turned back.

Lock the sun so it won't rise properly; "It was getting in my way!"

Freezing a river totally solid.

Playing strange music which makes all the trees dance in the night whether they like it or not.

They are not so much 'bad' as they are strange and difficult to deal with, as well as insanely powerful - there is almost no material thing which you can offer them. Most Moon Mages think the daylight world does not understand them, and they might be right, so why should they care too much about it.

To stop or change what a Moon Mage is doing, you have to understand why they are doing it and try to deal with that problem.

Getting through to a Moon Mage can be very hard. They are difficult beings to introduce yourself to and difficult men to get to know.

(Most do have some specific and particular obsessions though, and if you find those out it can help you get to know them.)

Moon Mage servants are often creepy shadows with silver rims and silver smiles in their shadow faces. They creep into villages at dawn and dusk and do the Moon Mages business - usually acquiring things the Moon Mage wants.

MOON MAGE MOTIVATIONS - Lost love. Something in the Past, needs time travel to correct it.
Fear of Nemesis. Wants to change own personality somehow. I guess these are all old-man problems. Old friend died and is trying to make a moon-replica. Had his magical staff stolen by the Master Thief. The Moon on a stick? To travel to the moon and map its cities? Animals from the white low gravity jungle on the moon. Building a spell that can let them travel to the moon?






Loan Troll

(Greedy for credit cards)
CREDIT TROLL
LEND TROLL
'Toll-Troll' is taken I think? Or did I come up with those already?

These Trolls are extremely greedy... for CASH. (Credit will do fine).

They hide under bridges like most Trolls but instead of eating people they offer them bad deals and make them sign unwise legal contracts. Then they come in the night to collect goods, clambering into the house. But there is nothing the person can do because legally, everything is above board and they owe the Troll.

If Trolls capture someone, they will accuse them of trespassing and make them work picking Oakum or breaking small rocks into smaller rocks, or baking bricks, or weaving baskets, or making snacks to be sold.

They capture children and debtors and take them away to Lend-Land, where they much forever work.

Defeating the Troll - they can be tricked or scammed. If the contract or records of the Troll are lost or destroyed then they have no legal right to what they take and can only caper impotently.

If a Troll can be tricked into breaking its word or ignoring the letter (not the intent) of its own promises - then all the chains of the Troll will spring open and its prisoners will be freed








Crime Bird



Creepy crimes have taken place. Could the answer be this disturbing bird?

Answer = YES


Yes, yes I am.

Catching the Bird will be a problem, as will absolutely everything else to do with the bird.

Bird or birds may be employees of the Worlds Most Evil Dog as seen below.







THE WORLDS MOST EVIL DOG



Yes, another EXTREMELY OLD POST, this time, one of my own.

The Dragon Equivalent, Final Boss and Ultimate Nemesis of Soft D&D




Goblins


Honestly, what can be added to Goblins that has not already been, by myself and also literally anyone else. They are already pretty much perfect for Soft D&D.

Tricks. Lies. Mischief. Low-Level Magical Powers. Transit through the Otherworld. Riddles. Transformations. 




SAD QUEEN -mmmm, no


SUPER PHILOSOPHERS - nnooo





Ghost


Ok this should be do-able surely?

Dealing with a ghost is like solving a mystery, looking for clues and records, interviewing people. Can range from friendly-and-workable to FUCKING TERRIFYING.

Dealing with Ghosts also has a range of possible solutions;

- Investigate and fix the situation which created the ghost.
- Form a relationship with, and sooth, the Ghost.
- Get religion involved and either banish or lay to rest the Ghost.
- Super-Science, like Renaissance Ghostbuster stuff where its more like a strange technology, like maybe you can hoover a Ghost into a green glass tube with certain equipment. Ghost is still in the tube but it’s a temporary solution at least.

Wide range of threats, responses and fixes makes this a pretty good monster for Soft D&D


For extra child-friendly quality, make it..



THE GHOST OF A SINISTER PIG



Maybe instead of aging you prematurely the Ghost just steals the last lunch you ate and makes you extremely hungry. Or quietly eats your shoes, like you look down and they are gone..

The pig moves by night, rattling cans and eating pies in the pantry by moving through its walls. 





Well Dweller

WELL SPOOK
WELL WITCH

I think I like 'Well Dweller' the best as its quite indistinct, could be a troll, a Witch, a Ghost, a Jenny Greenteeth, you don't really know what it is, except that its down the well.

You can hear it, and it pulls on the bucket when you go out for water, and asks for things..

Possibly there is a big claw that comes out.

That might be the limit of my description here.

A Well-Dweller could be the opposite of a Hearth Spirit, they are both persistent, connected to the home and family, perform some kind of exchange for information, (for the Hearth Spirit you agree to keep the Hearth Fire burning and also feed it small specific things to eat, for the Well Dweller it asks you to throw things down the Well), but while the Hearth Spirit, largely good, or at least pro-social, gives you broadly legal and decent advice about what you need or how to achieve your goals, the Well-Dweller, while possibly sociopathic and predatory, can also give you advice of a more chthonic character.

A Hearth Spirit might be a little like Google with the safe search on; "Now now, [POP & CRACKLE] Moon Mages are said to be sad and solitary men, obsessed with their Moon-Work. But they often have hobbies, or a special tobacco, or something of that kind. Perhaps that might be a way to speak to him?"

While a Well-Dweller would be more like trawling the dark web, /pol or advice from your sketchy friend who often has speed on them and who's parents went on holiday without telling him; "Ssssteeall the sssilver stafff of the mooon maaan, for his sssorows are in the ssstaff and without it he sssshal forget them and hissss magic sssshalll be losssst. NOW. Ffffeeed eee Mothhhherr Hitttons Litul Kittonsssss asss weee agreeeed."

God damn it anime




The Master Thief



Ah, the master thief.

The way I used him before was really as a kind of meta-agent, setting up impossible situations, always escaping, interacting with the world almost like an uncatchable god who sweeps through invisibly and re-arranges everything around him.

In many ways that's not that good for a game. You can put him (or HER) in an adventure as you can control the interrelationship of elements more easily but as a piece of world-building technology they are a bit irritating.

Could be someone that you call on in an emergency, like maybe they owe you a boon.

Could be that only a deranged plan created by children can catch the Master Thief, but you can only catch them once, and they must answer a question or do you a boon if you request it to let them go.







Sticky Mimics


Mimics but they don't actively consume you but just adhere to you in a friendly but disastrous way, like Acme glue.

Like they use you as if they were a tree parasite and eat any food coming to you before you can get it, and obviously no-one wants to be around you while you have a cupboard with a mouth on it hanging off you.

So - appears as an ordinary piece of furniture- but being dumber than a normal Mimic, will often just 'double' something else like a chest or a sink. So now there are two.

If you interact with the wrong one, it sticks to you and you can't get it off. So you are walking around like a complete tool with this piece of furniture hanging off you except it has a gawping, chattering cartoon mouth with a super-long tongue that comes out and snaffles your lunch.






Corn Goblins


We are doing Goblins again? Ok. 

The fact that these are out in the Corn, still and watching, maybe made of corn, makes them feel rather more disturbing than just "Goblins". Why is that?



They steal your hair and come back for your eyes - that's a nice escalation. Small things go missing, and someone’s like 'oh ho look out for the Corn Goblins' and then someone wakes up without fingernails, and then without hair. Then its like o fuck we have to sleep tonight.

And the thing with agricultural monsters that live in the same crop the community itself grows is - you can always destroy them, or remove the threat of them, by destroying the crop;

Corn Goblins - burn the corn.
Rice Imps - crack open the gates and let the paddies dry out.
Apple Kings - just cut down the apple trees.

But then your family or household are 'thrown into poverty' and what do you do then?

So you have to look around to find some other way to deal with this. (Obv, talk to the Hearth Spirit or Well Dweller first).





Sky Witch


How is a Sky-Witch different and/or better than any other kind of witch and didn't Adventure Time do this first?

So - if her house is in the Sky, and her power comes from the Sky, then presumably if you are *under* things, like roofs and trees and under the earth or under your bed, then her power is limited.

If 'the floor is danger' is a common childrens game then 'the sky is danger' should also work as a kind of game?

How does the Sky Witch come down from the sky? Presumably with a Sky Ladder, so if you can find that ladder (and its glass, to keep it secret, and so heavy people can't get up it) then you can find the Witches Sky-House.

She wears and very heavy hat, which squashes her down, and heavy shoes, to keep her on the ground so you can spot her in disguise that way, and if you can trick her into taking off the hat and shoes then she will float away, up into the sky again. (But she will hold a grudge). Also she might grab someone on the way up so you will have to go and rescue them.




Snail Knight


I guess these would be extremely honourable and very slow and quite mad. Like a slow Quixote invading the village doing all kinds of crazy stuff like duelling scarecrows or marrying shadows, fighting an army of bread loaves.



You can't really hurt them as they are not a bad person. You couldn't anyway as they are pretty heavily armoured. So you have to see inside their madness to try to get them to stop, go away or be less insane.

You would need to find out their quest I think.





Mirror-Gibbons


Gibbons which stand on each others shoulders and wear long coats, trying to act human. Or steal paper and write letters trying to lure people out to the trees; "PLS COM KWIK 2 TH GIBON TRES I UR MOFER NED U I AM NAWT A GIBON RITING TIS"

Then you wander out there and BANG, you are in a Gibbon-Sack and some Gibbon is in your house pretending to be you.

They act human by doing a crayon drawing of your face and sticking it to the front of their Gibbon face, and also wearing human clothes on their Gibbon bodies.





CREATURE FROM THE UNKNOWN



Wednesday, 24 October 2018

I Could Not Get This Snail Knight Story Right


And I am currently swamped in other things and will not be able to get back to it for a while. So now its 'content'. It's long so you may want to PDF or copy/paste it.

The Tale of Sir Babbling of Bromborough

We turn now to the tale of Sir Babbling of Broms-Burgh, called by some "The Nonsense Knight", so layering his names by three for he was never dubbed so by the King, nor did his mother call him "Babbling" in the crib (even when he babbled for sure), but named him Silence, for she despised clamour and hated noise above all things. Her heart was tuned too neatly to the world and buzzed like a wire in wind. Elf-Blood bubbled in her veins, she fizzed when spoken to and boiled at every shout. Only in the silence was she free, away from the banging of man. Only in the still calm could she smile and laugh her soundless laugh. Silence was her joy, so hence the name.


Perhaps she should have spoken to him more. Perhaps it was the old elf-blood (from Silences Great Grandfather Raven-Bone Brok, the Elfin Knight). Or perhaps it was neuropathology.

Sir Silence had a flaw upon his tongue. That flaw was like a notch in gold, for in courtesy, in courage and in kindness he bore the bell (meaning he would lead the herd of knights, if knights were goats).

He was also both clever and calm, though neither are really chivalric virtues and are distantly regarded by most knights, like an abandoned spanner, and his calmness breathed only in the presence of just acts. When witnessing injustice he was death.

He was as beautiful as summer and warm as wet wax, though his storm-coloured snail Thorgool claimed plutonic temperament, reserved and dark. Yet when mounted on Thorgool the glistering sharpness of his arms, the butter-bright summer of his looks, the fiery courage of his heart and the glacier-melting kindness in his smile made him seem like a bright sun rising from a storm. He was like an ice-age ending. There was one fine day in the middle of the Knight.


Wednesday, 24 January 2018

What if it was all a dream?

Suppose the following;

The cosmos is the dream of a particular, single meta-being. This being is unconscious now, we don't know how long it’s been asleep and we don't know when it will wake up but we know, absolutely, that it *will* wake up.

All this is known without question, it's provable in some simple and obvious way.

How would this affect human culture?

In Lovecraft this is a nightmare scenario, but in real life probably people would just adapt to it. It’s a rather rough religion but its noticeably more hopeful than pure materialism (unless you are Sam Harris and the illusion of transcendence is the REAL monster).

If you knew that you were a fragment of another beings sleeping imagination, would it change, in any material sense, anything you do or anything about the way you act?


DEATH


There would, I think, be three kinds of death.

The first would be the mild death, this would be like a character being cancelled from a TV series or serial comic, only to come back in another form or in another continuity.

Because everything is the giants dream, no-one and nothing is ever truly completely lost, they could, in theory, just be brought back into reality and all our thoughts and memories would accept this as normal like people in dreams don't react to any strangeness in the dream.

So one attitude to death is that the person isn't really dead or fully gone, because nothing ever is, and you, or someone exactly like you, may interact with them in some future continuity or reality. They are 'dead for now', or 'dead in this continuity'.

The second death would be the 'fully forgotten' death. In this case, the giant has completely lost interest in that person and is no longer going to re-create or renew them. They are like an unpopular character, or a character on an old 1950's TV series where the original tapes have been lost, and no-one recorded them, but a few people sort-of remember them. In this case the dream goes on but they are utterly void.

An interesting thing is that people in the dream wouldn't know if any particular death they witnessed was a type one or a type two death. So a prayer would be for the life of a particular loved one to be so interesting or relevant to the giants dream that they are certain to be brought back at some point, in some reality, in some way. And the aim of a life might be to be worth remembering (for a Giant meta-being, whatever that means).

And then the final death would be 'The Giant Wakes Up', a kind of apocalypse for this reality in which everything goes.


WAKING UP


When the Giant wakes up will its dreams then become thoughts or will they be wiped out and forgotten like most of our dreams?

Would it be so bad to be a forgotten dream? It could be like being transformed into a being of mighty extra-reality purpose. Dreams are a bit idle and purposeless but perhaps, when we wake up and the substance of dreams transforms and becomes thoughts, they become filled with energy and direction? In this version of the apocalypse, everyone and everything gets broken down and re-energised, but now full of illumination, drive, direction and unquestioning purpose, everything would become what it was meant to be and maybe that would feel pretty good? If so it’s good for the giant to wake up.

Or, maybe we are transformed like a caterpillar, mulched up into goo & genetically re-combined and the new thing made of our substance isn't really us in any meaningful way so we pretty much die like idle forgotten thoughts. In this case the great waking-up is pretty bad (though still divinely mandated so just shut up and deal with it "materialists").


WHAT KIND OF DREAM IS IT?


In this reality the status and nature of dreams is a vital subject. Do dreams affect us once we wake? If we remember them do we learn anything? Do they affect us even if we don't remember them?

Some think the dream is a prophetic one, and an important prophecy as well, so that everything we do has, not only serious purpose in the outer world but also a kind of transcendent purpose, even in that reality, that we are engaged in seeing into the future of a reality beyond our own.

Others think it’s important for us to generate some vital new idea, like a generative dream that a scientist or artist might have, and argue that this must be the reason as why else have a dream of such complexity? The Giant must be dreaming of something consequential, dangerous and important. If we can somehow embody or represent that idea, we can maybe make a thought that will save another world.

Some people think we should work to make sure the Dreamer has a pleasant dream as this makes them less likely to wake up, thereby extending out existence, and if they do wake up they will have pleasant memories and will be in a better mood when they go about their 'day' whatever that is, so our lives will have some positive effect on 'the real'. Some want the giant to have a pleasant dream because, why wouldn’t you? If you can’t do anything else you may as well make things more bearable for your meta-creator.

(A minority points out that we have no idea how long the 'sleep' has gone on since all our thoughts, memories and records could have been created a moment ago and we wouldn't realise, and could be re-created on a moment-by moment basis and we wouldn't know that either, so any conception of the 'length' of the dream is meaningless.)

Others think fuck no, make it a Nightmare. It’s hard to wake up from a nightmare, you always remember a really nasty one. If we are going to have an effect on the real, it may as well be a strong one, plus fuck the real if they made us like this, but also (calm voice) could a 'bad' effect also be a 'good' effect, like a moral lesson? like a Scrooge situation where whatever it is wakes up and realises they should be less of a dick.


The Mundanes say all of these suppositions are stupid and that this is a commonplace dream of a hyper-being, they use statistics to confirm this.

And of course it’s always possible that someone, somewhere, is the point of view of the Dreamer. Some say that’s stupid as why would an omni-intelligence incarnate as a micro being in a dream of such scale. The dreamer must be aware of all things that are happening everywhere as the dream is built around them. Others say, no, it could happen, you could dream you were an ant in a hive and dream the whole hive at the same time. Also who the fuck are we to say what may or may not be possible for a hyperbeing capable of imagining the whole cosmos simultaneously (presuming they are actually doing that and not just imagining a small section of it and 'painting the backgrounds'.)


WHATS OUT THERE?


Thinkers try to understand the nature of the outer-world by examining the nature of this one
just as our dreams mimic and transform the 'real world' is this reality a surreal version of another? By examining the dream, could you work to understand the Real?

Our dreams have weird physical laws and strange, unpredictable events, so if our 'reality' is proportionately more 'dreamlike' than the Real, but looks the same, does that mean the Real is a place of ultimate Iron-hard mundanity from our point of view, and all this "physics" shit is actually pretty whacky compared to the real entropically-locked Cosmos?

And if the Real is really more real in exactly that way, then does that mean that Cosmos is dying faster than our own? And if it is like ours, and dying, then is this the death-dream of a Final HyperBeing? and the reason we haven't woken up is that the giant is having a heart attack or orbiting a black hole or something and that there will be no waking up except into ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION?

Thursday, 28 December 2017

Scars

Scars like mutations or magic tattoos you didn't get a choice in.

Positive, but rare, and conditional, effects in natural language and with in-world fairytale logic rather than plusses, bonuses and re-rolls. This gives players a reason to record them and makes them easier to remember.

(For most people, D&D being what it is there are probably people who find it easier to remember that they have a +3 on a conditional re-roll rather than that they can bleed apple seeds from a wound.)

The idea here being that a particular situation comes up and the player says 'ahhh, but I carry a Troll Tooth scar so I get to do *this*, or *this* should happen.

And the DM says, 'but where is this scar and what does it look like?'

Player - 'well its *here* and it looks like *this* and I got it in *this* adventure when we did the thing. Remember that?



Conditions for Getting a Scar

It shouldn't be too easy, or people will game it. So;

- It needs to make sense in the described event; "The Troll bites deep into your forearm and bears you to the ground" or "The Goblin Scimitar carves a chunk out of your cheek and nocks the bone, your head flies back." Not just; "They swing and hit."

- There should be some exceptional success on the opponents part, or exceptional fail on the players part, as related through dice results. A crit by the monster, being reduced to 0 HP, an unusual magical or physical effect, being tied up and tortured, or a fumble from the player.

- It's largely the players choice as to whether they get a *Scar*, with a mechanical effect, or just a scar. If someone gets covered in dragonfire then they are going to be scarred up but they shouldn't have to accept the complex rules elements of a dragon-breath scar unless they want to.

- The player can decide where on their body it is, broadly. It has to make sense with the imagined sequence of events.

- Once a player does accept a scar, it’s not easy to get rid of. It should be possible, but requiring high level magic or a situational quest.

- Why doesn't magic heal it? In the case of magical beings, it may be their effects can't be fully removed by healing magic. Divine or other magical healing means that the body can only heal in relationship with the spiritual or magical state of the whole. So, in pseudo-Eastern philosophy, a scar from a particular event can't heal because your Chi is knotted around it, and this relates to your spirit and psychology as well as your flesh. Maybe you subconsciously want that scar because you need to remember that event. In western philosophy, maybe you need to remember the sin, perhaps your humours are altered around it or whatever.

Point being, if you accept this idea, it should be known in your world that there are some scars, both natural and unnatural, that won't heal, or that need special, magical or mental changes to be allowed to heal.




THE SCARS THEMSELVES

First, standard, boring, non-material scars from creatures that aren't specifically magical or poisonous.

ORCS, GNOLLS, BARBARIANS, all those 'Proud Warrior Race' guys.

Scars from these beings are non-magical, but get you serious cred in other Orc and Barbarian communities. Those guys just sit around comparing scars all day anyway, it’s their written language.

You get a chance to engage if you are willing to bear your chest and go "Do you speak so, to the slayer of SNARLGUT?!?!?!. I shall tell you the tale of our battle, for it was MIGHTY INDEED." This could turn a combat/monster encounter into a social/but-probably-still-combat encounter.


Appearance - Practically probably just a normal scar.

Maybe a green tinge from Orcs who lick their blades before battle (Orcs have anti-coagulant saliva? Makes sense).

Barbarians tend to use serrated blades which, in reality probably aren't always that different in their effects but in fiction can be said to leave saw-tooth tears.

Gnolls can tell which Gnoll bit you, simply by the patterning of teeth, which they recognise. This could be good because it shows you either killed them or just met them and survived, indicating that you are worthy of respect. (Or that you are not that tasty).



DRAGONS

They key thing with a Dragon being that just surviving is impressive, prevailing even more so.

Claws and Teeth

These are heavy-duty versions of Quints speech from Jaws. Even an idiot should be able to hold a bar or a group of rogues spellbound with the story of how that happened. Start thinking of some cool shit to say and bust it out whenever you need to impress a random human encounter or raise your cred with a prospective employer or hire. Assume that whenever you are describing the story of your dragon-scar in a social environment you can at least hold a crowd, if not persuade them.


Burns and Breath

Partial immunity to the effect is the most interesting possibility. That doesn't really make sense if the effect is a blast furnace, but it could make magical or poetic sense.

The most 'useful' parts to get scarred are the hands, so you can grab stuff in fire or acid, and the torso, so you can avoid critical/lethal damage. So if you want a useful hand or torso burn scar you should have to take a hideous facial scar as well, that massively disadvantages you socially.

People with real burn scars do sometimes get them tattooed to reclaim them, so if you get the right magical tattooing added to your Dragon scar then you should get full immunity, for that particular part. (Meaning that when the Dragon toasts the rest of you that one bit is left as a magical relic for others to nab.)

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/08/repainting-the-scar-tattoo-skin-graft-firefighter/4

Gas Scarring to the lungs could mean that you heave and wheeze continually, and maybe occasionally cough out poison gas, but you can also breathe that gas without difficulty.


The Ahab Effect

Limb loss or massive facial scarring means you no longer suffer a fear effect from that particular Dragon, and it’s easy for you to persuade others to fight it, but you have Ahab RAAAAAAGE whenever you think about it and just can't let that shit go, you are effectively geas'd to go after it.




GOOOOBLINS

Goblin scars grow tiny multicoloured mushrooms and sometimes leak a colourful pus if poked or massaged.

Those little mushrooms make the consumer laugh uncontrollably, they are also quite nutritious so eat them yourself and giggle or drug others to distract them.

Licking your own pus lets you have Goblin thoughts, and act in Goblin ways, you get sneaky and crafty, can find places to hide and can make traps and strange devices. The DM has to tell you if there is any place to hide that you missed and you can contort yourself to fit into small spaces. Just hope no-one hears you giggling like a loon in there.

Appearance - Goblin scars heal in the shape of grinning mouths, no matter the original cause, so if you fight Goblins enough you end up covered by these fungal smiles.





DEEEMONS (& DEVILS)

Demon Scars resolve into black letters in an infernal language. The power of the words increases with the power of the Demon that caused them. Very high-powered demons are able to track you with the scar because they have ETERNAL HATRED for you now.

Such a scar can even be passed onto descendants since Demons are timeless.

HOWEVER

'Holy' creatures and Paladins and whatever are able to read it and see that you kicked a Demons ass, or at least survived it.

'Lesser' Demons and supernatural creatures become scared if they see it, reading out the words will frighten them.

The words get you access to certain places, magical portals or altered states.

So yeah, you got scarred by a Demon and that’s 'bad', like a curse or whatever, especially as in regards to the particular Demon. But, the rest of the time it’s actually, effectively, cool as fuck since you carry all the badassery of being 'Demon Touched', meaning you get invited to all the cool parties and can wear sunglasses indoors, but none of the negative social effects since 'good' people know you beat up Demons.

Sure it hurts a bit when you enter a church, but you can always tell attractive members of your preferred gender "Yeah, sure was tough when I fought that Demon and sent it back to Hell, got its mark on me now. A curse, some say,  [rueful sigh, sardonic smile] I guess that's just the card's you're dealt when you are a PROFESSIONAL DEMON FIGHTER."




GHOSTS

Each Ghost is so unique (or should be, in a good game) that the scar should help connect you to the conditions of their creation. It throbs in the presence of their murderer.

The scar helps find your way around places that person was familiar with. Like the dim body-memory you have of where you are in your house or locality, the way you can find your way home drunk.

If you get drunk you get flashes of the Ghosts memories, maybe if you sleep you dream of its death.

If it’s dark, and its quiet, and you don't seem massively out of place and act like a dick, other ghosts will mistake you for one of them, part of their own memoryscape, and you can talk to them about what’s going on with them.

If you set the Ghost to rest the Ghost-Scar becomes a Ghost-Trap, you can force damaged or befuddled Ghosts into it. Good news; they are out of the way and they can't hurt *you*, directly. Bad news; they tend to pop out when you are having nightmares and fuck about with stuff nearby. Arguably-Good-News, people really don't want to go near you when you are sleeping.

Appearance - Just a shade off your natural skin tone in daylight, but silvery and reflective in moonlight and pale in darkness.




ABBERANTS

These help detect the presence of that particular races technology or tools.

They also move around the body at will and always point the way to nearby portals to other dimensions or whatever.

They usually itch when that particular kind of creature, or its effects are near. So you can check if Mind-Flayers are near, but also if anyone nearby has also been effected by them, like a secret brain-slave maybe?

Appearance - Fucking weiiiiird. Not like scars at all. Continually rippling bits of flesh, always mutating slightly on a basic level, different in shape, texture, colour and feel each day.

(They might be like Teratomas actually, but probably players wouldn't want to keep track of those.)





BEHOLDERS

Ray Scars, from a Beholder or anything like it, would look more like modern industrial laser scarring than anything medieval. Just a straight burn across your body

Petrification - You now have stone or ceramic fingernails, or stone teeth, or one stone finger that works like a real finger.

Disintegrate - You got transparent X-Ray flesh where that ray landed now. Plus your bones inside look like blue glass. That's not actually that useful but pretty cool nonetheless.

Fear - A howling munch-scream medusa-head burnmark with the path of the head-snakes following the path of the Ray. Creatures that cause fear are actually nonplussed by seeing this in full and can't activate their effect for a round.

Death Ray - Not only is this scar classic 50's nuclear-phosphorescent, but the sweat from it is also phosphorescent. If you collect enough sweat and use it to mark a portal or forehead, that thing is briefly warded against death magic. (Also people want your sweat now).

Anti-Magic Ray - If you rub something against this scar and it actually is magic, the scar will sting a little. These scars are always negative-image colour to the rest of your body, like they are in a different dimension.

Thursday, 20 July 2017

Held Kinetic Energy in Old School Combat Arenas

So you're running an old-school game and you want a set-piece fight. The rule-set doesn't like that.

The complexity is dumped into set design, chunky monster actions (like picking people up and throwing them, putting them in strange altered states) and whatever parts of the meta-text might show up in the fight (one monster is special friends with another and gets upset when they die, there are factions within the fight who want slightly seperate things).

A lot of the 'set design' of set-piece Old School fights come down to the stored kinetic energy hidden in elements of the environment.

A PC has to be able to do something to the environment that will unleash stored kinetic energy and hopefully act upon a seperate part of the battle space in a predictable yet unexpected way

Two fictional examples here;

The first is John McTiernan movies, especially the attack on the rebel base in Predator;

If you look at that long scene you'll notice that many of the times when a member of the main cast performs an action to alter the environment, it has an effect which is witnessed, usually by another main character, in a different part of the environment, and which often directly affects it. So the space of the scene is stitched together by this river of movement and action, the characters are connected to each other by kinetic effects which escape their frame of origin.

Die Hard has a bit of this as well, The Hunt for Red October. Not sure about the rest.


And the second is all Pirate Movies;

Thinking about it, its astonishing how much effect the kinetic qualities of a large sailing ship have on the general aspect of Pirate Movies.

(I am looking at the pseudo-kinesis of a heightened fictional pirate movie rather than age-of-sail movies. In real life rope costs money and you want to avoid it being cut, and there are limits to what physics can do.)

A ship as a whole is an environment under complex kinetic pressures, it is an engine designed to harness movement-energy from the sky. It has almost everything we would want from an old-school set-piece battle.

Multi Dimensionality - you can be up in the sails, on the deck, down in the ship itself, or in the sea. All completely different environments, all connected to each other in intuitively obvious ways.

Kinesis - all the ropes are under strain and there is always rope, you can climb up or down, cut ropes and have them pull you up, drop sails or ride them down, swing pretty much anywhere and, most important, almost always tie things to other things.

Meta Elements - a ships crew already has a hierarchy, there are specialist rules, you can see who is in charge, a decapitation strike on the captain or a last-minute negotiation is always a possibility. You are a complex, visible and intuitively graspable social system which the DM doesn't have to spend a lot of time having to explain.

The Pirate Ship even has a built-in 'not-dead-but-largely-out-of-the-fight' status with someone being knocked off the ship.

And the environment as a whole is doing something as you fight on and in it. Several things. The first of which is that it is floating, and if it stops doing that then you are in fucking trouble.

SO

There must be some kind of i

If we were to work backwards, stating that we want kinetically complex and interconnected environments, could we create a kind of ideal concept generator for OSR set-piece fight scenes? What would we get?

Windmills and Watermills - they have the blades or wheel and they have an inside with lots of stuff moving about that could be interrupted and messed about with. They have a big grinding thing you can chuck someone in and ruin the corn. The watermill has a river nearby.

Forges or anything based around fire. Large scale metalworking has those big contained crucibles that can be tipped, possibly channels of molten metal that can be diverted. The annoying ending to the last Hobbit movie had a lot of that.

Actually the 'We're just smelting a giant statue here and its nearly, _right this moment_, finished so don't have a fight here' scene is a good idea. Especially if the giant statue is eeeevil.

Dams or anything holding back a large pressure. Complex lock gates could work as well, though they are rather slow. This is non-optimal as it seems to reduce everything to one disastrous action, but that could be interesting in its own way.

Anything with a living process at its core that has its own logic and could get out of control, or where control of it could be manipulated. Maybe a chemical process like a brewery?

The shipyard with the ship about to launch. You've got the whole business with the rigging, the ship escaping into the water and whatever happens after.

The building site, especially if they are building something tall and *heavy*, things to fall, drop, cut, release, swing on and cause to interact with each other.

Mass transport scenes, especially with = big round barrels that can tip and roll, teams of horses that are straining on things, ropes holding things that can be cut, cranes hoisting things. usually this will happen at a margin between two environments or/and two social patterns, so the nomads of the sand ocean can be shouting at the river-thanes while the giant tortoise gets lose and the glue barrels roll from its back. Giant Animals are a kind of sub-ship only available in high fantasy. Now instead of worrying about the wind or whatever you are thinking about how this big animal is going to react to whatever is going on around it.

A traffic jam in an urban environment might be an interesting space for a big fight.

Of course I've nearly forgotten the parade, which shows up in so many action movies. A huge, moving para-reality acting adjacent to the main one, with its own costumes, roles and its own giant complex objects that it is moving about.

I don't think I've ever seen a D&D scene or fantasy action sequence in a giant protest, with crowds of protesters and law enforcement and all the crap they throw about, even though we have those all the time.

PORTALS! Like every Derping Age (early-21stC) action movie. Someone has opened a portal, and possibly there is more than one, so now we can hop about between the portals and things can fall in and out of them with ridiculous physics affects. Up on one portal side is down or across on another so leaping across _into_ one leads to you falling down out of another

Magic of course lets you replace ropes and tackle with almost any kind of element. Maybe the poetic chanting of the verse monks is keeping this kinetically complex temple/object up in its position and if you interrupt or _change_ the chants then its configuration will shift. Maybe the virgin sacrifice you are here to stop is whats keeping the silver tower spinning in place, but you can only stop it from inside the silver tower.

And I nearly forgot the classic Rope Bridge.

Any more...?

(I throw this one open to the floor.)

Oh, and all this crap is still going on; (FREE BLATHER AT THE BOTTOM IF YOU READ ALL THE WAY DOWN, AGAIN)




Judges



Rob Monroe
Sean McCoy
Reece Carter

and

A. Miles Davis (Anson Davis)


Are all up for Judges in 2017


Best Adventure

Kiel is up with 'Blood in the Chocolate'

You can see my review of that here.







Best Cartography

Jez is up for 'The Cursed Chateau'







Best Electronic Book

Paul Baldowski was nice to me at a Con so vote for;

The Cthulhu Hack: The Haunter of the Dark





Best Free Product

'Santa is Dead' by In Search Of Games, is up.

This has a lot of OSR collaborators and fellow-travellers in it.





And Veins of the Earth by Scrap and I is up for;

Best Monster/Adversary




Best Rules




Best Writing




and..

Product of the Year








BUT..

NOT..

BEST..


ART?



(Scrap gives no fucks about this but I do.)





Here's the big voting button, click it to go vote;