Or Another Of Your Own Creation

The expected market for Vincent Baker's 'The Seclusium of Orphone' is (Choose 2 or 3)

1. People in the OSR who like posh books and can choke down dodgy design choices.
2. Those on old White Wolf forums who know who Jack Vance is.
3. People who don't roll their eyes at the use of the phrase 'Stormy Eyes'.
4. People with LOTS of free time before games.
5. People who really enjoy drawing their own detailed maps for a product they just bought.
6. That guy who thinks Baker is part of a conspiracy to destroy gaming by perving it up.
7. People who would quite like access to alleged above conspiracy
8. People who own d7's.
9. Those people who used to be the forge but I think they're storygames now?
10. A strange new circle of people who may slowly crystallise around the book over time, it being neither one thing nor another, it may generate it's own subgenre. Vornheim might so this might.
11.  Basically nice people who want a go at being 'dark' and 'edgy' in controlled circumstances.
12. Maybe literary people? the tables being fucked makes it look less like a game, so people too up themselves to read Vornheim might potentially read this and think they've discovered and whole new thing and get all up on the lit blogs with it. Could there be an article in Forbes? Gasp.

The first parts of the book were designed; (Choose 1 or more)

1. For those who like random tables, but not 'too' random.
2. Specifically to irritate a small circle of OSR bloggers.
3. For people who would rather put one egg in a pre-bought mix and call it cooking, instead of buying a pre-made pie or cooking it from scratch.
4. To maximise the pleasure of flipping back and forth in a hardback book. Endlessly.
5. Not to scare hippies.
6. To maximise white space.
7. To show off the cool flower designs on the paper stock.
8. Because if you can't cram pseudo-magical glyph designs into an rpg book any more then we may as well burn down the whole enterprise and go home.
9. Because we paid for a special font for the chapter headings and were damn well using it.
10. Badly.
11. Cryptically.
12. Mysteriously.
13. To annoy people who know the last three options are all true but they can only pick one. (OR ANOTHER OF YOUR OWN CREATION)
14. Because its a book of random tables, so if you just give people the tables and a fully completed Seclusium with a fucking map they can use straight away they will feel robbed somehow?
15. To keep the scum out.
16. To instill wisdom in the reader through suffering, so they have the self knowledge to fully appreciate the good stuff at the back by the time they get there.

 The lists in Seclusium contain; (... and choose 2-4)

1. Useful things
2. Good things artfully seperated to ensure maximum flipping back and forth.
3. Pretentious things
4. Many things neither 'boring and useful' or 'poetic and energetic' but a strange blur between the two.
5. Many cases where it would be better if you just used all of the available choices.
6. Awkward numbering.
7. Reassuring repetitions of the statement that you can choose or create your own thing, presumably because some fucking idiot somewhere wrote a blog or forum post saying 'this product does not explicitly tell me I can think for myself while using it? How them am I to know if I may do so???'
8. A lot of good stuff.
9. Some really interesting rules for magic item creation.
10. A lot of Bakerism's if you are (choose 1 or 2) into/offended by/amused by/vaguely reassured by them
11. Some good monster motivations.

The house rules at the back are; (choose as many as apply)

1. Effectively a whole new game.
2. Better than Dungeon World.
3. Lacking options for clerics.
4. The best use for the soft stats I've seen yet.
5. How I should have been DM'ing already.

I have a time machine but it drove me insane

This was provoked by Matt Diaz’s LOTFP classes. And by Richard G’s Monster Trainer Class and various other old-school class re-imaginings on G+.

Matts rules for sorcery and shapechanging are very neat and concise.

Because LOTFP classes only get better at one thing you have to take all the extra crap that comes with a splatbook class and distil it to one powerful idea. Then you have to take that idea and encode it in a rule. This rule has to be as simple as possible as most class rules have to fit on a page of A5. It also has to scale neatly over 10 levels without a lot of bumpf and crap. Doing this is intellectually and creatively interesting.

This made me think about what’s going to happen to Fourth edition. Now we all know that as soon as Fifth edition comes out Fourth will be forgotten. Then it will slowly slowly become cool till, in about 30 years, when D&D has built up enough new contradictions and fuckups, Fourth edition will be radical again. This is inevitable.

Our aged greybeard future selves will be creeping through attic, ready to move the old ‘books’ away from rising sea levels to the refugee camps. The kids don’t care about hardcopy and the robots are malfunctioning. We spy a dusty old copy of the Fourth ed players handbook. It’s creaking covers crack open like a book of spells. We sit down, ignore the sirens and the screams outside, and read.

 People will go through those books, mine them for whatever was interesting, create new stuff based on that and essentially have an OSR for Fourth.

Now that sounds like fun for my older self. But fuck that guy. I’m bored right now. Let’s have the autopsy early.  We should pretend we are in the future so we can have a renaissance about right now. A Pre-naissance.

Lets create a splatbook for the imaginary Fourth edition of LOTFP.

Come with meeee to the distant time of 2043. Raggi will have been shuffled aside by a board of directors with business degrees from affordable universities. The full name will no longer be used. The acronym LOTFP is now the official name because the original wouldn’t fit on the bases of the plastic toys created as a tie in an international Googlecast web series that was never released because the Indonesian island tax shelter that housed the shady production company Raggi hired to make the series because they were the only ones who didn’t vomit at the concept art fell prey to rising sea levels an emergency international fracking treaties and has disappeared from maps.

Sometimes people dredge up what they claim are lost ‘production materials’ but could just be bullet-riddled skeletons infested with mutant coral and broken computer parts. It’s hard to tell. Zak Smith found the Hand of Vecna and is now the Republican Senator for the Ocean City of New Idaho*. Jeff Rients fucking ate a guy.

Imagine with me a future splatbook retrieved by someone with a time machine. But the machine drove them crazy.

It would have a vanilla-esque name so bland its almost creepy. Like a stepford wife module.

“Burning Shadows, Heroes of Daggerknife Keep.

A supplement for Fourth Edition LOTFP.

Copy of Fourth LOTFP necessary for play. 

Including Errata for the FAQ of the Fourth edition players handbook volume 3 (9^th printing).

Multiple new classes and guaranteed fixes for multiple rules issues with the LOTFP family of games. All your questions answered.

(item may not be returned once seal is broken.)”

And it would be stupid and it would be a joke but also it wouldn’t be. Because we understand things as much from watching them fall apart as from creating them. So why not transport ourselves 30 years into the future and watch the sad ignominious end of a thing we love. Like taking a time machine to interview your children as they lie dying in an old folks home. Using that information to raise them better.  You can’t fix everything, but you can do better than you did.

We can’t stop things dying. Ideas have a life inside them. For them to be any good they have to have an end. But we can make that life as good as possible.

We could have fun by ripping the shit out of all the things we dislike about late-period low-creativity RPG overproduction.

We could ferret through all the Fourth stuff we thought had a glimmer of something inside it, then use intelligence and creativity to purify, simplify and concentrate it, which would be difficult and interesting. Then build a new game from what we had made. Something both like and unlike what we know.

We could learn more about what we are doing right now by imagining its necessary end.

It would have

-Old School reducions/distillations of every thing good we could find about Fourth.

-Old school versions of as many of the weird splatbook classes as we could find. ESPECIALLY the weird ones no-one ever plays, like the Shardmind AND the boring ones no-one ever plays like the Rune Priest, or the Ardent, god that was a boring fucking class. But our versions would be good because the RunePriest is a guy who knows the Enochian language and an Ardent…. Well it could be good, it could be. 

 -All the most fourthy Fourth edition things that were half good but rewritten, condensed and with a LOTFP twist.

-Decrepit patch-on fixes for imaginary rules problems created by a byzantine decadent 30 year old version of LOTFP. Fun because we get to think about how game structures grow/decay over time and interesting for the same reason.

If we imagine its really popular and there are 1000’s of nerds going ‘ghhhaaa the investment rules interfere with level progression above Sixth level! Fix it!’

“The animal sacrifice rules conflict with the human sacrifice rules. Harmonise it!! Don’t nerf my druid if he wants to sacrifice both at the same time!!!”

It wouldn’t even need to make that much sense as a lot of the Fourth stuff is so fractured and disconnected you needed a fucking doctorate in D&D to even make sense of it. Like the essentials stuff. What on earth was going on there?

-Instead of an endless list of weapons that looks like it came out of a spreadsheet, make stuff like the treasure gen tables from Realms Of Crawling Chaos (that was some good shit)

-And all the strange classes people have come up with online. Living Statue plus Matts Warlock plus Monster Trainer plus Anarchist Librarian? Why not?

-And anything else that was good and interesting.

It’s a Science-Fiction Renaissance.

*Vote Smith. Duty. Honour. Country.  Idaho! Drowning The Weak.

"You can't feminize me, I'll demote you."

Teens are back and the tables have turned. Boyd Of The Rope is no longer a man mountain with a strength of 18 but a tired toothless middle-aged man, desperately clutching the Birdhouse that now contains his soul.

A massive battle using Zak S's Moshpit Rules and the Dungeon Dozens Army Of Evil tables saw the teens facing an epic force of evil plant-based necromancers with only friendly Lizardmen, a detachment of Predator Drones from the future, a Gorgon, pick-wielding man-ape shock troopers and Evil Fake Luke Skywalker.

Result 7 on the Heavy Infantry table is a 'Hard-bitten division of armoured simulacra of famous champions of good'. So I let them name the hero's. We got:-

Lancelot.

Aulcard. (Teen 1's Halloween costume. He brought the hat to the game.)

Ben 10. (Soul eaten when he fell into a moat made of the evil green mist from Anastasia.)

Buzz Lightyear. (Stamped to death)

Teen1 "Ahhh, we could have got Superman. But we just went for ones that were funny."

The Terminator. (T1000 died saving Teen 2 from lightning caused by flying Predator Drones into Climate Hawks.)

Luke Skywalker.

Ash Ketchum. (Punched to death before deploying his first Pokemon. Generally considered by all present to be secretly evil as 'he never ages, he's been on missions that take 13 years and he still says "I'm twelve".' Table opinion was that Ash hangs around with a lot of new people as he is secretly disposing of them to conceal his freakishly aged body.)

Mario. (Cause of death unclear. Either tried to jump on someone in the battle and got skewered, or tried to eat a bad mushroom and exploded. Not enough time for anyone to check.)

Commander Shepherd. (Survived. I think.)

And perhaps one or two other Amine characters I'm not familiar with.

Teen3 ably prevented a FLAILSNAIL incursion by pointing out that 'I've got a telepathic snail right here.' Teen's high charisma and snail-based psionics enabled him to subvert the FLAILSNAIL'S loyalty. Same teen still takes 5 minutes of furrowed brow when I ask him 'how to you hide?' when he wants to use stealth.

Battle ended with the Teens taking down an evil* Zoimancer that Teen 1 had previously tricked into becoming a Minotaur, thereby making him more dangerous, while an evil Liche with recently stolen eyes sat on his new Flailsnail and laughed.

Success resulted in no magic items, but a field promotion for Teen2, who was randomly assigned command at the start of the battle, now making him a 'Major General'. Which proved useful when the others laughed at his Halloween costume for possibly containing a skirt.

*Though the word really has no relative meaning in the campaign.

A Cage of Light and Time

Movement

Points	Encumbrance	Explore per turn	Combat per round	Running per round	Per Day
0-1	Unencumbered	120'	40'	120'	24 miles
2	Lightly Encumbered	90'	30'	90'	18 miles
3	Heavily Encumbered	60'	20'	60'	12 miles
4	Severely Encumbered	30'	10'	30'	6 miles
5	Overencumbered	0	0	0	0
On a Horse?
0-10	Unencumbered	240'	80'	240'	48
11to15	Lightly Encumbered	180'	60'	180'	36
16-20	Heavily Encumbered	120'	40'	120'	24
21-25	Severely Encumbered	60'	20'	60'	12
26	Overencumbered	0'	0'	0'	0

Light

Light Scource	Range	Time
Candle	10 feet	120 mins (2 hrs)
Torch	30 feet	60 mins (1 hr)
Lantern (per oil flask)	30 feet	240 mins (4 hrs)

Standard Healing

Where?	Peaceful nights rest	A full day of rest	Full day plus bed and clean room	In a dungeon?
Above half HP	1hp	Plus d3 hp	Plus 1 hp	NOTHING
Below half HP	Nothing	1 hp	Plus 1 hp	NOTHING
Zero hp	Wake up after d6 hours. Can speak and crawl at 10ft. Cannot carry or stand up.
-3	Dead in d10 minutes
-4	DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD RIGHT NOW (unless you know a Liche)

Bullshit Ultra-Dramatic Emergency Healing

Method	Effect	Cost
Beer and Spirits	Once per game, can down a bottle and transfer as much as desired from WIS to HP. Wears off, one point per hour, producing hangover.	Decent- 1sp. Good – 10sp Horrid - 2cp
Slaps and Curses	Cures d4 damage, once.	Shame and loathing
DON'T YOU DIE ON ME MAN!!!!!!!!	Stabilises if below zero HP. Only counts if players in public space.	Embarrassment
For gods sake this man is DYING.	Wound is a monster. Level = damage. Roll INT, DEX or WIS to battle. Only DURING combat.	Time.
CAUTERIZE IT NOW!!	Can bring back HP, but lowers permanent total by same amount. Plus scarring 4 life.	Need lamp oil and a flame.

The Verbs Of Madness

(I wrote this in E.Prime for reasons even I do not understand.)

Isle of the Unknown presents some problems. 

I need to make a random generator so my players know what their Dark Lord wants them to do.

But the things presented by the Isle and the things that grew through play do not go together well. 

We find each monster alone and in the centre of a ten mile hex, and encounter each Zodiacal Mage in one particualr position. They do not move.

Some clerics have a place.

We find some clerics and lesser mages in a state of movement, but always in the same place for the first time, after that we can find them anywhere.

Lesser NPC's have a town where they live and once found they can move between towns. I don't think it likely the players will find them anywhere else.

High level NPC's lock into particular positions. The story will only find them elsewhere for important reasons. 

I made an elegant and simple chart. The elegant chart did not do what I need it to. I made this ugly chart instead. I tried to use only evil verbs. Below I talk about how it works.

I used a D7 because, in the words of James Raggi 'fuck you, that's why'.

IN A PLACE	1 HEX#	PASSIRISK WANTS YOU TO	1 MINDFUCK	IN ORDER TO	1 MINDFUCK	1 HEX#
			2 KILL		2 KILL
			3 TAKE		3 TAKE
	2 TOWN#		4 STEAL		4 STEAL	2 TOWN#
			5 CORRUPT		5 CORRUPT
			6 TERRORIZE		6 TERRORIZE
	3 OOG		7 DISCOVER		7 DISCOVER	3 OOG
			8 HIDE		8 HIDE
			9 IMPLICATE		9 IMPLICATE
THERE IS A PERSON	4 MAGE		10 SEDUCE/PERSUADE		10 SEDUCE/PERSUADE	4 MAGE
			11 BURN		11 BURN
			12 DESTROY		12 DESTROY
	5 CLERIC		13 BURN		13 BURN	5 CLERIC
			14 MUTILATE		14 MUTILATE
			15 RETREIVE		15 RETREIVE
	6 MONSTER		16 ASSASINATE		16 ASSASINATE	6 MONSTER
			17 CONTROL		17 CONTROL
			18 KIDNAP		18 KIDNAP
	7 NPC		19 MOCK AND SNEER AT		19 MOCK AND SNEER AT	7 NPC
			20 EXPOSE		20 EXPOSE

HEX# Use description, or roll bandits, or add dungeon.
TOWN# Roll district/then profession/then person
OOG# The Capital. Roll Strata/then Mystery/Profession/Person
MAGE# Roll Mage/assign name if neccessary
CLERIC# Random roll/assign name
MONSTER# Roll HD/Roll Monster/Assign name if cool or very big/possibly roll lair, dungeon, caves, ruin.
NPC# use big list of people met so far. 

Roll a d7 and a d20 to find someone/something and what Passirisk wants you to do to them. Choose whatever makes sense. The roll a d7 and d20 again to find out what he intends to achieve by this.

Things needed. Monster Name List. plan of Oog. Master NPC name list.

Questions - Will this get them into enough dungeons? Have I trigger-warining'd myself with too many bad verbs? Can I see some of this shit through? Should I?

Trigger Warning for Stupidity

The Sub-Title was going to be-

'A Pig Can Chew Through a Dragons Neck'

If it's a polymorphed PC with a potion of Dragon Control.

Teen1 - "I thought he was a Bad Guy, just not an end-the-world-bad kind of guy."

GM - "You've been talking to him through a possessed goats skull."

Teen1 - "Yeah but from the skull he seemed alright."


He wasn't alright, he was a mass-murdering Lich who, its been strongly suggested, (realtriggerwarningthistime) did bad stuff with kids.

Teen1 - "Did you really expect up to win? How high level is he?"

DM - 'looks at sheet' "Well.. With you two, and the mind controlled dragon.. It's within the bounds of possibility."

Teen1 - "If we team up with him will we really have to end the world?"

GM - "Eventually I suppose. He'll probably try to take over the island first though."


So now Passirisk the Night Serpent has a new body and his freedom. Boyd Of The Rope has a new magic sword. Jonathan Spring has a new name 'Jonathan The Grey' "because we're going to be proper evil". Wiggles (Of WIGGLETON, the Dwarven City!) has a surprise when he comes back from his holiday and finds his friends are now Officially Evil, and the GM has to come up with one of those multiple-column mission generators with only evil verbs.

They also killed a Isle of the Unknown wizard, on the behalf of a giant stag man and received Vornheim-fortunes.

DM - "One you seek will be found in a closet."

Teen2 - "Yes! I'm going to look in every closet I find from now on!...  (30 second pause) .. WAIT!.... What does she mean by 'in a closet?'"

The AntiRaggi

So calm, so good. You'd leave your children with him if you went to the shops. If he stayed the night over you'd find him doing the washing up in the morning.

Whenever I hear Vincent Baker in a podcast or see him explain something in one of these videos I always get the impression that if you asked him if he wanted Brown sauce or Tomato he would purse his lips, look down and to the right for a second, nod, and say 

"That.. that's a really interesting question. Thanks. Thanks for bringing that up. You've really shown me a new side to this. I'm going to think about that."

Then a week later he releases a hyper-focused pdf-only rpg where Genghis Khan has to choose between brown or red sauce and the decision changes the future of the whole world and you play the sauce but you are also in the future betting on the outcome. It would be called Sauceoscope. The Forge would love it. Knowing the rules would get you laid at Gencon.

I really really liked Apocalypse World, which he made, and I really really like LOTFP, which it's for, so if anyone out there feels the same and you have $20.00 to spare go and fund his Wizard Tower thing here-

I want to play in that goddammn wizards tower so bad!! Even I spent 20.00 on it and I am a fucking prole with a part time job.

ITS BASED ON JACK VANCE! YOU ALL LIKE JACK VANCE DON'T YOU NERDS? Come on, some of you have real jobs and lives and stuff. You can afford this.

Fake Being Gay to Kill Thieves

Lessons learnt from tonights session.

There is nothing wrong with flirting with teenage boys through an imaginary male character in an imaginary bar if that is what the reaction die says.

If this makes you incredibly awkward you can just say "ok ok, he flirts with you."

Fake being gay to kill thieves.

If an invulnerable monster comes out of a jar you just smashed open and tries to eat your leg, the answer will be found by smashing open all of the identical jars.

'Guy-With-The-Falcata' sounds cooler than 'Axe guy'

One of my players actually knows what a Falcata is.

Psionic snails make everything easier.

Players are happier with random tattoos from a carousing roll than they are with actual treasure.

A player who will not surrender his platemail in an agonising cross country walk, or when it gets bent out of shape in a pit-trap, or in a massive argument with his actual real-life friends about the consequences of encumbrance, will do so immediately "to get it enameled with like a serpent-rope design to match my tattoo".

If you get a neck tattoo, you can never go back to being an accountant.

Somone playing a thieving, mass-murdering, Goat-Skull-Worshiping former accountant will refuse to throw an arm wrestling match for money because he considers his character 'Chaotic Good.'

If you murder someone, and they come back from the dead with the evil use of a Jade Monkey amulet. And you kill them again. You can just mess up their stuff and leave the body hoping the authorities take it for a "jade monkey hate crime."

 

A cleric called 'Hirgen the Fondler' should get a thicker skin, or not go out drinking.

Teens

"We were talking about how we all got frozen by that priest and I didn't and how I saved us all, and David's girlfriend was there and he didn't like me talking about how I saved him."

..............

'O.K you're driving a cart full of treasure through town, in the rain, in the early hours of the morning, what do you do?'

'Can I sing?'

'If you sing the song in full, in front of me now, then you can sing.'

'Can I get other people singing?'

'There is one drunk man following the cart. Roll a charisma test.'

The new popular song in the tiny medieval town of Scrodd on the lost Isle of the Unknown is now 'Call me Maybe' 

'You are being awarded the freedom of the town for clearing Ruffthroat Keep. Do you want to make a speech?'

'Can I sing 'Call me Maybe'?' 

'If you want to. Same rule as before.'

...........................

'Yellow the Unholy, the rain-cursed wizard is begging you to help him.'

'Didn't you say that as well as being cursed with eternal rain he also had to talk constantly about the moon?'

'I did say that. By the moon, help me.'

'Can I heal him with the power of Thor?'

'That is a spell way above your level.'

'I want to try it anyway.'

'You understand you will be rolling on the same table that ended up cursing the Wizard with the Moon and the Rain thing?'

'I want to try it anyway.'

'I will allow that as a one-time roll as it is non-combat and fucking hillarous.' (the eternal rain was also pissing me off)

rollrollrollrollroll

'O.K your spell went wrong. Thor is punishing you with....'

 rollrollrollrollroll

'A gigantic animate brain and two giant eyes. Its a Six HD monster, you are a 1st level character, the giant brain has appeared in the castle stables. You are in the stables. It's between you and the door. What do you do?'

One surprising combat later....

'Since Yellow the Unholy is dead does that mean the rain has finally stopped?'

'Yes.'

'So does that mean the weather predicting device I found under the keep that told me it would be sunny is actually correct?'

'Yes, yes it does.' 

...................

'As you cross the bridge you look down and see a body caught against the pillars. What do you do?'

'I don't know, can I pull it out?'

'It's up to you, you can folow the river and wade through the mud on the bank, you might be able to snag it.'

'O.K, I pull him out.'

'Are you going to tell anyone? There is a church right behind you. You could take it there. Maybe someone saw you?' 


'They might think I killed him.'


'They might.'


'But someone might have alredy seen me.'


'They might have.'


'I could just push him back in the river.'


'You could. Maybe somewhere in Scrodd there is a family waiting for dad to come home, but he never will. Maybe somewhere there is a pet dog slowly starving to death behind a locked door, waiting for master.'


'I dont know what to do! What should I do?'


Every other player at the table - 'We're not there. Its YOUR character, YOU have to decide. It's a role-playing game'

The Dog Was Called Priestly

In the comments to my last post my friend. mentioned my rule for risky extra spellcasting. Nicked from Apocalype World. Here it is.

If you want to cast a spell that you know but have not memorised then roll 2d6.

If you are a Cleric, add your WIS modifier.

If a Magic User then add your INT modifier.

On a 10+ the spell goes off,no trouble.

On a 7 - 9 then the spell goes off. But Something Terrible happens.

On a 6 or less. The spell does not go off. AND Something Terrible happens.

Something Terrible. 

    

I built a d100 chart of strange events. Its cribbed from and inspired by, the magic table in Vornheim, results from the Metamorphica, the mutation table by Scrap Princess, this d1000 table someone made for 4th edition(much props for doing that for Fourth.) and the Terrors of the Warp from Dark Heresy. (Though that is surprisingly boring when you actually look at it. Like everything else in Dark Heresy the totality of the Gothic horror of the nightmare future can be reduced to an endless series of pluses and minuses on a d10.)

I'm reluctant to post it as it's made up mainly of other peoples material but if anyone wants it then let me know. The main convenience is that it could save you the half hour it takes to steal all your favourite fuckups and combine them into one giant thing.

The exact choice of stuff was interesting. One of the initial characters ended up being cursed so that it always rained wherever they were. Even though this had very little in-game effect it ended up depressing the players so much they just gradually forgot about the guy and left him behind.

It seems like the best results are ones that are powerfully immediate, negative but also with enough imaginative energy and a rich enough nature that they can be mis-used by players.

Something that dramatically alters the scene in a living and active way, and that no-one could want to happen to them, but that just might have a weird up-side.

Our Cleric ended up being cursed with a variant of Zak S's Vile Hound spell and had to perform an emergency Cesarean on himself to remove a little Chihuahua.

he was a good dog

He then failed his loyalty roll to command the beast who immediately made friends with another PC after being fed scraps of flesh from a dead Wizard. The dog was ultimately made useful as a lure for monsters, against the wishes of its owner.

Long term persistent low-grade problems just seem to irritate the fuck out of players. You want to give them short term colourful problems, they like that.

Though saying that, the same player now has a portal to the Nightosphere inside his head. 

Whenever I play with Nate I always end up maiming or mutating him. God knows whats going on in my subconscious. Sorry dude.

(he has a lawful god as well, but I couldnt think of many lawful-but-interesting entries so he gets the same one as everyone else)