I know you don't like this - but I DON'T CARE.

This is nearly the end anyway. So, if anyone is still interested in the big letter-writing Rulers of Ir fantasy paracosm I ran for a couple of months.

First Chronicle of Ir - The Beginning

Seconds Chronicle of Ir - The End

Transcript of the Gronference - Last Ditch Attempt to Save the World, or Idiots in a Room?

Primary Sources; the Letters of the Rulers

Only two things remain; to tell of the rescue f the Herald of Ir, and (if we play this out) to discover the results of the expedition proposed on the final day of The Gronference.

Meanwhile, I'm sure all of you are fascinated to discover what happened as a result of the (probably) final battle between the Armies of Highvern, lead by Tadaitzol, wielder of the sword of Motherfucking Destiny, and the undead hordes of the Mourgelands lead by Lich-Witch Vauphiria Donkor.

Well, we have this final report from the strange Underworld of Ir...

A Song From the Dead

"I will speak to you of a stage a little closer to the infinite dark. The catch before the fall, the brief breath taken by the failing climber in the seconds before the unending drop. Ur  -the inverse  echo of Ir, that worlds condensed afterlife.
 
We have a vast land here in Ur, infinite, or near-infinite, and suffer need for no resource but memory and light. Ir is our sky, a celestial void, for those of us bound within the grey and glassy world of death. The ending of mortality is our weather here, the untangling of each virus is our light and the unending deaths of microbes form the substance of our sound. So it is that, where nothing dies, we are both deaf and blind.
 
So it is our sky burns brightly of late, the wars of Ir accelerate, our land of glass mountains and silver seas bakes beneath the blaze of falling souls. Our population swells.
 
There in the shoals of mortality which roll above us like bright pillars of unreachable storm, of which Ulukaa is to us, something like a sun, the cities stars, and battlegrounds our brief Pleiades, there are black scars, winding tears in the pulsing light and ocean-sound of death. Dark nebulae, of which the Moureglands, that place of desert and undeath, is the deepest and the darkest of them all.
 
So it was that many watched in amazement as light burned and blistered against the borders of that black land like fire spreads across an unlit ship in dark watches of the night, first pebbling and rolling up and down its margins, then bright sparks bursting like fireworks until in a handful of moments, jagged fingers of fire leapt into the black borders, like a fire-elf gasping at a blackened log, and dug in.
 
We watched here, the dead, Ab, Un and Neverborn. Souls fell like rain.
 
Then, like fire following fuel across a wooden floor, the gleam leapt into the dark, sparked and rushed, then bloomed alike unto an opening flower or an exploding star.
 
All of Ur, all out slow grey arcologies, bathed in the cataclysmic light and we, the dead, fading and forgotten, knew that some great Doom had struck Ir in these, its last days.
 
Then, they fell, like twin suns, like demons of flame, one Ice-white the other the pulsing infra-black of a doomed necromancer swollen with souls and blistering with avoided time, howling out entropy like a gale.
 
The two grasped and grappled like gods cast into the void. One, male in form, crackling with the katabatic energies of that crystal queen grasped in one hand the memory of a blade, a blade of Motherfucking Destiny, all could see. His body torn, tortured and rent like a saint or a beggars clothes, bleeding the freezing blue-white fire of his own imperious wrath, his form clasped across its broken pieces by his own imperious will and hate.
 
Hate drove them indeed as death dragged them down, falling into grey Ur like mating birds.
 
The second rode a caul of banshees to her long-avoided doom, spirits spilled from her like a tornado of souls, screaming and singing, praising and wrathful, weeping and wailing, some clawed at their black mistress like crows pulling down an eagle, others, more commensurate to command, or else of other mind, hauled her upwards, or seemed to, for that entropic witch, dense with spells hurled her charm-craft and enochian knowledge upwards in chains of signs and great webs of burning symbology, such magic as I can find little memory of in my own patched and overwritten books of thought.
 
Yet all her rage and all her art were not enough. That other, white, cold, as clear as ice and cold as wind, hooked the witch, drove fingershards of resentful anger deep into her dark soul. For every spell she spoke, he knifed his rage a little deeper, for every squirm, a squeeze, for every wrench a returning choke.
 
The sorceress railed madly at her captor. Hurled spells from her gaze and imprecations of fire from her tongue, enough to scorch and unmake any soul. And so the icy warrior fell, blasted by spellcraft, his face, eroded to nothing, his memory, that absolute treasure of the dead, erased
he very name scoured from his now blank and faceless form.
 
Yet she could not scour his hate.
 
What wrath it was fell amongst these two, such rage as would roar in the face of entropy iself, sustaining its own life by its own hate, and its own hate by its own life, regardless of the world, or peace, or time, or death itself.
 
For as long as She fell, He would force Her fall. There was and would be no escape.
 
All this in a moment, like meteors or burning worlds hanging in the air like paintings of the apocalypse. A fresh memory here in Ur, a rare enough thing.
 
And after them, as if some fair covering wet and bowed with days of rain, bending to its centre, dripping, stretching and tense with its unrecoverable load of souls were pierced by the thrust of a sword then, like a rapier prick, a torrent of souls.
 
After the witch and the warrior they fell, a rain of fire and light, enough to blind the dead. Screaming and howling they flowed after the fallen pair, mortal many, bright with the pale fire of their freshly lived lives, and undead, some, those bound to bones, looped up into our sky by necromantic magic, now returned.
 
We thought then, all of us I think, that this was the long-suspected end of Ir, that the grey sickness and its mycelium of despair which gangrened the cradle of our lives had weakened the substance of what-is so that like ripe fruit bursting, or a pustulating boil pierced by lancet, the whole was done and now every last and final soul of Ir would fall to Ur and then the darkness unfold us all. For only by the light of your lives, and your deaths may we see and speak, and only on your memories may we feed.
 
This was not the end, not yet at least. Only some great war betwix the Ice Queen and her undead foe. Some vast folly, or mighty deed. (For us, there is little to choose between the two).
 
This was not the end.
 
But it was perhaps, the beginning of the end."

Transcript of THE GRONFERENCE

 In the latter days of the world 'Ir', the rulers of the Great Glorious Gronnate put forth a call for the greatest minds of each nation to attend a great GRONFERENCE in which they would combine their seperate knowledge about the forces threatening Ir as a whole.
This is a record of that GRONFERENCE

(All dialogue by the various 'players')

...........................

Gron Maximal ((secondary)Gronnate); “OK. IT IS I GRON MAXIMAL, WHOSE EYES ARE HOLES STRAIGHT TO HELL, (via Gron Secondary). GRON MAXIMAL IS UNAVAILABLE DUE TO DERUSTING.”
 ANYWAYS. GRONFERENCE WILL START ON 3RD GRONUARY (MARCH) 6TH.
 
TWO DELEGATES CAN SIGN UP FOR THE 6TH. 3 (WOW) FOR THE 7TH. AND 2 FOR THE 8TH.
 
EACH DELEGATE IS TO DELIVER THEIR PAPER AT THEIR EARLIEST CONVENIENFE ON THEIR RESPECTIVE DAY. THEY WILL THEN BE BADGERED WITH QUESTIONS FROM THE AUDIENCE. THANK YOU.
 
ON THE 9TH GRON MAXIMAL WILL DELIVER SHOCKING REVELATION (HOTLY ANTICIPATED). QUESTIONS MAY BE ANSWERED. ENJOY.
 
OK SIGN UP HAVE FUN LOVE YOU KISSES (ANYONE NOT PRESENTING A PAPER WILL BE BARRED FROM THE CONFERENCE AND SUBJECT TO INTERNATIONAL RIDICULE)
 
GRON MAXIMAL (via Gron Secondary)”
 

 

Gronference, Day One

 
..
 
…
 
…
 
Gron Maximal ((secondary)Gronnate); “I GUESS GRONFERENCE IS CANCELLED DUE TO LACK OF INTEREST???? SHAME NO ONE IS GETTING IN ON THESE SHOCKING REVELATIONS”
 
 
FUCK ME AND THE GRON I RODE IN ON I GUESS”
 
 
The delegate from Ulukaa fidgets with his skullcap.
 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa)); "We actually have two papers in preparation, but somehow the Vizier responsible for announcing them has not yet given clearance to present the findings. Nonetheless, we should like to present titles: "On the Psychofauna of the Western Optimate" and "White Apes, threat or menace?"
 
Gron Maximal ((secondary)Gronnate); “THIS IS ACCEPTABLE IF YOU WISH TO PICK A DATE?
 
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THIS THING SO….”
 
 
The Ulukan delegate seems uncertain of the format but is too embarrassed to actually ask any questions. His lizardman grabs the loudhailer.
 
Ulukaan Deligate (Lizardman,(Ulukaa)); "How this work? Is phone chat or text or what? Maybe if is text, terse paper is best?"
 
 
Gentleman Scholar and Low-Level Addict Uxlorian Vesh stumbles onto the stage and knocks over a stand before grabbing the podium for stability - their eyes AFLAME.
 
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "Gentlethings and people of Ir
our simple subaqueous globe
or possibly bendy interdimensional megastructure floating in the cosmic fluid..
for only the Optimate truly knows
I stand before you today
today...."
 
Vesh's eyes become distant as he enters some kind of fugue state
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "THE APES
PALE AND MONSTEROUS
THE TUNNELS
ahem
I stand before you today, a being transformed by that simple benediction so long denied to the peoples of Ir by the missing TYRANT who once ruled our globe (or megastructure)
 
the gift of TRAVEL
 
for I, and I ALONE, dared, in the dying months of the two thousand and nineteenth year of the closing to penetrate the false boundaries of our imprisoned world and to step within those Holy Lands once placed in total service to our world-ruler
 
what I saw there, I shall now recount
The Lands of the Optimate are truly strange
more akin to a Great Parkland than any natural landscape
(but is any of Ir truly natural? Think on it...)
a place designed
built
shaped by one titanic will, to whims unknown to mortal minds
a parkland,
a FALSE wilderness
winding roads, manufactured hills, backwards streams
(I'm not sure it they were real)
I will be frank, I witenssed, sorry, witnessed much of what I saw in a severe stake of Akhwei withdrawl –
 
I am not a man of details
I am an artist, an explorer
a synthesiser of knowledge
not some petty grubber in the MINES of MENDACITY
I will say this frankly - CERAMIC WOMEN
deadly creatures, though polite enough
autmomata, I think, these were the right hand of the optimate
and in our Rulers disappearance, I believe they stand still closest to the optimates will
they gather in the island city of Portal
guarding its empty colonnades -
 
other servants had that Global Tyrant
Golden Folk, most beautiful, and extremely dull, and quite clingy really
and kinda boring really
 
APES
monsterous, white, ssome near hairless
technilocgists
I'm sorry"
 
Vesh pauses for another drink of what is almost certainly not water
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "tech-nol-ohh-jists
moving like ghosts in the night
hiding
hiding hiding hiding
moving through secret ways
managing the great MACHINE that is our world
how deep does it go?
what is real and what is not?"
.
Vesh
.
Waits.
.
Staring
.
at
.
the
.
Audience
 
 
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "SO!
NONE of you dare guess?
I have seen the horrid factories of the Apes
and I have been within Portal
I have crept through the Empty Palace!
Bare!
I tell you know you fools - cosmic order is awry!
A great Wrongness approaches!
What could cause the Optimate to leave?
Not even to die, but to disappear?
I am certain that - while the rulers of this world brawl with each other for sad flecks of territory and prescidence
 
SOMETHING is coming
For I have seen a Grey Waste
and the Pale Courts
and a Thing which moves like grey and broken glass
And I do believe that this world and everything on it, and all of our cultures, and our VERY LIVES
are nothing more than a lifeboat
or less
 
bugs
bugs clinging to a leaf as it falls
This is Ir you fools!
You fooooools!"
 

..... Vesh now breaks down laughing, and/or possibly crying...

 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "I am available for questions" (whispered)
 
 
The gentleman from Xingando stands.

 
Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "Now would you say it is indeed true that the Optimate is, as has been observed by a number of intellectuals, a simulation?"
 
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "I am certain, and will state clearly here and now
either everything around us is a simulation
or nothing is
or possibly some things are
but its one of the first two I'm CERTAIN
we only need work out which one
BUT
Sir
I think it highly likely that the OPTIMATE
is no more or less a simulation than YOU Yourself!
Are YOU a simulation sir??
I mean really, are you?"
 
 
Léon Masque appears to do nothing for several moments.
 
 
Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "Ah sorry, I was wagging my eyebrows under my mask.
 
I am not entirely convinced of that fact myself! But stands to reason that we are all, in fact, Temporarily"
 
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "Nothing could be more clear in my mind than your statement honoured member from Xingando
I must ask you though...
 
Is it possible for me to open a loan with your state bank?
 
My credit is not what it might be.."
 
 
Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "I'm sure one of my people can make a deal with you. I of course am independently wealthy and keep all my money in offshore accounts so am not up to date with these things."
 

The delegate from Ulukaa stands:

 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa)); “Ulukaa can supply the great Uxlorian Vesh with any amount of Akhwei they require.”
 
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "I agree completely with that policy!"
 
 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa));  “Might we learn more of these tunnels? Originating where, and leading to where?”
 
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??));  "By all means..
I am no technical expert
but if we turn out attention to this map of Ir..
which someone has allowed to fall over, my apologies
but if we examine this Island between the northern and southern Optimate
bordered by what we would call, the Pale Pass and the Grasping Pass
I do believe that this is the centre of the Optimates technical or material power
(though not its administrative centre)
I suspect that this island dominates the tunnel network
and is the core of the REALM OF THE WHITE APES"
 
 
An aide whispers to Masque who then stands back up.

 
Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "This delegate would thank you to please refer to the Golden Isle by its current, correct name. And yes that is quite shocking. Can we be sure these times are quite real?"
 
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "It is entirely possible that we are nothing more than dreams conjured within the minds of deluded and decadent aesthetes from some higher dimensional plane..
but if that were the case

would it actually change anything you choose to do?"
 
 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa));  “Ulukaa would like to know more of the Thing Like Broken Glass. Where it is now, when and where we might expect it to reveal itself. Thank you.”
 
Oh, and what it wants. Thank you I’ll sit now.”
 
 
(Vesh has been drinking consistently and now seems dangerously inebriated)

 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??));  "ENTROPY - has a FACE
folding out of terrible dimensions, Blind Palaces, white wombs like inexpressible pits; voids in Nothing itself!
a screaming, white noise across the sky and
EARTH
mountains crack open from within, oozing structure like pus, curdling into revetments and porticos, doors yawning open, spilling forth the sound of blindness and the pennants of the deaf!
Even as she coils to crush it, it decays, and her grip slips
God-Killer, Destroyer of Thought. First, greatest, and mother of all Entropic Wyrms....
the wyrms...."

 
Vesh now seems unconscious
 
 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa));  “Ulukaa requests permission to tend to Delegate Vesh and wishes to point out that whatever condition they appear to be suffering from, it was not caused by Akhwei or any of its derivatives.”
 
 
Gron Maximal ((secondary)Gronnate); “NO TAMPERING WITH HERALDS THANK YOU”
 
 
Masque has shuffled away a large folder prints with HYDRALOOP in multiple places.

 
Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "One thing can be certain, no one here in this room has built any tunnels underminig territory that has previously been called the Optimate..."
 
 
Gron Maximal ((secondary)Gronnate); “THE GRONNATE SHALL HERETOFORE BE REPRESENTED VIA LIEUTENANT-SCHOLAR ROROM, SEEN HERE SNIVVELING AND SOMEWHAT LAVENDER IN COLOR IF NOT OF SCENT AND DEFINITELT QUITE MUSCULAR UNDER HIS MANY MANY ROBES, SERIOUSLY”

 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivveling)); "Nnnnngggghhhh wellllll this is uh, great um, thank you scholar Vesh for that errr,,, well we've started a little early, all by the grace of Gron, naturally, yes, thank you...... Any qu-questions? Ah, oh, okay, those have started too, why not."
 
Hmmmm I have a question,,,, for the unsconscious man, hmmmm maybe someone can wake him up?? Well he's a herald, we mustn't tamper with him, but still, maybe some Gronning water, yes...... And live lamb, those refresh the spirits.... Well anyway it's more of a comment, errr,,,, my master GrON MaXImAL, may we all quaver in the sheen of his countenance, as it were, wishes it be expressed that we all, if you follow, perhaps the gentlemen could elaborate upon the nature, of this, ahem, face.... Well I suppose that was a question, hmm, after all. Is he awake?"

 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??));   "ak..
wie..."
:

Vesh appears to be drooling and semi-conscious
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); I guess, haha, the gentleman from Ulukaa, could, gosh, we'll have some guards watch, actually just do it right up there, right at the lectern, if the gentleman could Ulukaa could fetch, since it was requested, the, ah, Ackwee, was it??? Certainly we've none of that here in the Gronnate, I'm sure Wall School is making sure of that, haha!... Well dose the man and let's get on with this, we've all got beheadings and such to attend I'm sure,,,'
 
 
 
The Ulukan delegate approaches cautiously and administers Akhwei in smoke form, blowing it up Vesh's nose with a little squeezy rubber syringe

 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa)); "This never happens. There must be some interaction with another substance they've been taking."
 
 
Cups of curdled milk are passed around to the delegates by way of refreshment while they wait
 
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "I live
Academia
knowledge
questions
what face?"
 
 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa));  "Welcome back. Keep the syringe."
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "the, ah,, to wit , face of,, entropy?""
 
 
Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "I'm back ladies and gents!"

 
says Masque apropos of nothing
 
 
The Ulukan ambassador offers Masque a syringe, too.
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "mmmmmm-maybe n,no"
maybe don't do that, here
(sorry)"
 
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "A wyrm
a being beyond causality
enemy of all that is
enemy of thought and identity
this world little more than a bounded fortress on the borders of a fallen land
HE KNEW
and HE FLED
SHE comes!"
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "I'm not sure we can include speculations about its gender in the conference proceedings, but hmm, okay, that's uh....
 
well, so, do you know, is it capable of fear, or maybe love??
 
and, if not, what is its weak spot?"
 
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "Fear is ash. Love is ash.
That which consumes Time itself can have no weakness
except perhaps the structure of Reality itself"
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "I'm not sure we quite, hmmm, appreciate, the gentleman's, err, pessimism, but thank him for his comments. I suppose we shall keep the floor open for a while, in case anyone else shows up, it being a bit early, still, and all, but what if...? Hmm, maybe the gentleman from Ulukaa can present next, once the question period has ended, and we can sit silently and drink our milk until then, and enjoy the live dog fight that the University has so generously organized in this very room and which, as I'm sure you all noted, has already been going on for about half an hour,,"
 
 
Uxlorian Vesh (Unaligned, (Herald??)); "I bet on .. the quick dog..."
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "oh, ummm, and I've been asked to inform you all that, yes, the house is taking bets and can fill you in on the fighting histories of all our dogs, over there by the pile of spears....
 
ah, and, just hearing now, thank you, that the GronU Department of Vice is offering tours of its facilities for the duration of the Gronference, for a nominal fee, of course"
 
 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa));  “Ulukaa will be able to deliver its report tomorrow, pending the release of information rights from the Embassy. In the meantime, we suggest the Ulukan delegate monitor delegate Vesh for safety. No contact is required, no tampering! But since we are not sure what else delegate Vesh may have ingested, we should feel remiss if we did not take care of them.”

 

Gronference: Day Two

 
 
The delegate from Ulukaa ascends a small dais next to the podium. His lizardman arranges a set of paintings and remarkably finely carved wooden figures in tableaux to either side, before reclining in a languid and slightly officious pose at the delegate’s feet.

 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa)); “We shall keep Our observations short and to the point.”
 

As he starts talking, the lizardman points to the paintings, which are clearly meant to illustrate the speech, and puppets the wooden figures into strange, stilted groupings, the meaning of which is less clear. Whenever, eg.  Violence is mentioned, all the figures are placed upside-down and on the same level.
 
 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa)); “First: we have identified four groups that are being terrorized by the White Apes: Golden Persons, various Animal-Persons"

the lizardman arches an eyebrow 

"Ceramic Persons, and for want of a better name, Ancient or Thawed Persons. Of these we have interviewed some Animal- and Thawed Persons, who uniformly remember nothing before Oct. We propose that they may all have been brought to life or out of suspended animation or similar in Oct or Sep. Some Thawed call themselves “Cryo.” They appear to include natives of all the known lands of Ir.
 
Second, the White Apes seem bent on eliminating all these persons but we have discerned no other motivation among them. They pilot metal boats and fight with fire weapons, so fighting them with wooden navies seems ill-advised. We would like to hear from Kanibalo about how their metal ships might perform.
 
Third, we have discovered some medicinal properties among the secretions of the Optimate inhabitants. These are being investigated. They suggest that the inhabitants of the Optimate may have been... cultivated or selectively bred for some specific purposes.
 
 
Proposed next steps: we should like to mount a joint and cooperative expedition to the Isle described by delegate Vesh, by assembling an international team, with each nation sending a single researcher and their retinue. the lizardman holds up a placard that reads: 1 pt. These researchers would work together, pooling their resources without precedence among them, making all important decisions by council vote. All intelligence gathered would be freely and equally shared among the participating nations. If any are interested in participating, please sign up afterward.”

 
The lizardman makes the sign for violence, then flips the figures right-side-up and bares a wide double-row of fangs while staring intently. At a sign from the delegate, he crinkles his eyes half-shut, and the expression suddenly looks a little like a smile.
 
 

Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "Will the delegates from Ulukaa be taking questions at this time?"
 
 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa)); “Throughout the day, as we recuperate on our naugahide couches. It may take some time for us to process the questions through our naugasmoke, however.”
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "w-well,,, technically all d-delegates are r-re-e-equired to take questions. Haha, thank you, academic honesty and all that...,,,,..,., Oh! Hmm, M-Maximal, blessed he, of course, I piss myself at the thought, as is proper, he's reviewing my notes and shall address, ah, his questions through me, once he is ready.....
 
i-in the meantime, the doctoral cohort at the department of Aeronautics and Catapults, oho, will bless us with its presence.... ah, we only give out one doctorate per year, Yes, they're all defending their theses, right here before us, by combat, you see as is our custom.... The house is taking bets, of course,,"
 
 

Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "I, for one, will put 20 on the short guy.
 
To the gentleman...gentlepersons? from Ulukaa, may I ask, how do these 'thawed' people seem to you? Are they even real people? If no one there can remember anything before Oct wouldn't you say that lends credence to the idea (that everyone seems to be talking about) that Ir is in fact a simulation?"

 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa)); “It is certainly an interesting hypothesis. We have... I don’t want to go too deeply into our methods, but we have tried to help them uncover their memories and their lack of detail seems suggestive - perhaps of a simulation, but also... it seems deliberate. Others who have lost their memories, if you lead them with questions, they make things up, they’re often suggestible. Not these Thawed. They say they do not know, and there they stop.”
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "how does... Mmmmm, the delegate from... From Ulukaa, p-propose, aha, to enlist in this, ah, joint venture, those nations who have, in the words of Maximal, sHOWN ThE UtTER WEAknEsS of GRON, to deign, as it were, not to attend this congress?"
 
 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa)); “I think we just make them jealous with our Ir-shattering achievements when we return.
 
If hardly anyone possesses the acorns to participate, then I suppose we happy few may have to double our ventures.
 
To whit, two researchers each (with entourage).”
 
 
The delegate from Ulukaa folds his hands and rests his chin on them. His lizardman starts to enfold him in petals of crimson gauze.
 

 

Gonference, Day THREE

 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "issss,, mmmmm, would anyone like to present today?"
 
 
A graduate student carefully carries a small, yellowed skeleton up to the podium and props it there.  A lit pipe sits wedged in the pipe facets in the skeleton’s teeth.  One of the provosts gestures frantically at a no smoking sign, but is ignored.
 
Slowly, cautiously, the skeleton begins to move.  It is shaking with the effort of standing upright.
 
 
Prof. Antef (Mourgelands, (Deceased)) “Good morning,”
 
 
It says, with a voice like the creaking of rafters.  Slowly it rotates its head from right to left, its empty sockets surveying the room.  It pauses for dramatic effect.
 
 
Prof. Antef (Mourgelands, (Deceased)); “The Optimate - the mysterious and powerful civilization that rules our world.  Where did they come from?  What do they want?  Why have they used their powerful magic to separate our nations?  These questions have puzzled the scholars of Ir for hundreds of years, but they have never been answered.  Until today!
 
In this lecture I will lay out a remarkable theory: that the Optimate is not a native faction to Ir, but rather comes from beyond.  In fact, new archaeological evidence suggests that the Optimate came to Ir thousands of years ago as a conquering force.  Let us begin with an analysis of rock layers sampled from the Tuthmaness canyon in the northern Morguelands.”
 
 
A slide projector crackles to life.  Layers of rocks are discussed, as are tree rings, stone tools, and weevil-eaten manuscripts.
 
 
Prof. Antef (Mourgelands, (Deceased)) “And in conclusion, there is much further work to be done to explore these novel results—
 
--I’m sorry, I am not feeling well.  I--”
 
 
The skeleton’s head slumps onto the podium.
 
After a few second of silence, a graduate student rushes up to the stage to check on it.  The student is knocked to the floor by invisible force.  The skull rises up into the air, dragging the limp skeleton along with it.  From inside the skull, a glow becomes apparent.  A violet flame engulfs it.  It is too bright to look at directly.  The smell of burning bone and old tobacco fills the air.  A different voice speaks, cavernous and melodic, like a pipe organ.
 
 
Possessing Delegate (Extra-Planar, (Un-Invited)); “THESE ARE THE LATTER DAYS.  THE GREAT SERPENT APPROACHES TO SWALLOW THE SUN.  ALL THE VANITIES OF IR WILL BE UNMADE.  IN ITS BELLY YOU WILL ROT UNTIL YOU NEVER WERE.  THEY TRIED TO HIDE YOU.  THEY TRIED TO SAVE YOU.  BUT YOU HAVE BEEN FOUND.  THE DOOR THAT WAS CLOSED SHALL OPEN ONE FINAL TIME.  YOU WHO FATTED IR TO FAT YOURSELVES; YOU ARE FATTED FOR THE WYRM.”
 
 
The violet flame goes out.  The blackened, smoking skull crashes down on the podium and cracks in two.  The room is silent except for the hum of the slide projector.
 
 
Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "Well whatever people say about these dead guys, they sure know how to put on a show!"
 
 
Léon Masque stands to applaud vigorously for a few seconds before an aide tugs his sleeve and gestures at the silent room.
 
 
Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "Oh huh. Well uh will the delegate be taking questions?"
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "(theywillbetodootherwisewouldbeungronly)"
 
 
A break for lunch is called, during which grad students from the archaeology department frantically attempt to restore the skull.  They do... fine.  You can see the epoxy.  Some parts are now plaster, which has mostly set.  For the question session the skull, sitting in a box with cotton packing while the glue dries, is passed around to the other delegates.
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "M-max-MAXIMaL would like to know, hmmmm, whether the, ah, Wyrm has shown a propensity for being tamed or enslaved"
 
 
Prof. Antef (Mourgelands, (Deceased, (Repaired))); "Worm?  Oh, you are interested in worms?"
 
 
It is the creaking rafter voice again. 
 
 
Prof. Antef (Mourgelands, (Deceased, (Repaired)));)); "Yes, I did not have time for those slides today, but I do think that changes in the length of earthworms over geological timescales support my theory of extraplanar invasion in the distant past."
 
 
(The delegate from Ulukaa had to be excused today after the skull’s pronouncement because he had a raised eyebrow that lasted more than 4 hours.)
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "w-w-w-w-welllll we would like to apologize for the,, ah, Delay, in the proceedings, haha!... Hmmmm, GrON MAximal was in, ah, a bit of a temper, as it were, as such things go, yes... So, anyway, uhhhhh, p-p-perhaps the g-g-gentleman from Xingando would like to present next??"
 
 
Léon Masque's gaggle of hangers-on assemble behind the podium, each holding up what looks like a ladder covered in stained glass. As he speaks they adjust various alchemical settings and the panes change colors before your very eyes.
 
 
Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "Good members of GRONFERENCE 2020, I give you my findings!
 
FIRSTLY:
 
With the knowledge, common in Xingando, of this world's true SUBSTANCE being mutable under certain conditions (commonly, "Law of Equivalent Exchange),

 
SECONDLY:
 
With knowledge of NEW changes brought about contemporaneously with the Disappearance Of The Optimate,
 
FIRST CONJECTURE:
 
The Optimate themself has been exchanged for a collection of Apes, automata, and various awakened people, else-

 
SECOND CONJECTURE:
There is an exchange having taken place between Ir's SUBSTANCE and another,

 
COROLLARY:
There exists other SUBSTANCES,

 
FURTHER:
There exists other worlds

beyond IR,
 
CONCLUSION:
There are yet WORLDS to conquer

 
Ladies! Gentlemen! Esteemed ossified professors! Our great nations are currently squabbling over the Optimate's leavings! His scraps! His unflushed toilet!
 
These apes and cry-o peoples have appeared from tunnel systems beneath Ir. This is clearly because their home world, home Substance reside beneath!

 
PROPOSAL:
Fabricate a PHOENIX to delve the insubstantial layers beyond

 
Test its transport capabilities. Paying tourists will of course be welcome

 
This is all a first step to the ultimate goal: create a extra-Irial colony

 
I will now be taking questions."
 
 
Ulukaan Delegate (Human(?),(Ulukaa)); “Where do you intend to insert your phoenix?”
 
 
Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "We can discuss Phoenix insertion methods privately, but suffice to say it will be satisfactory to all involved."
 
 
Ulukaan Delegate (Human(?),(Ulukaa));  “Is it your contention then that the Apes are not part of the Optimate proper, but instead.... change left over from some transaction?”
 
We mean, could we return them?”
 
 
Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "Let me see here... Yes there is currently a school of thought theorizing the law of exchange works not merely upon an object's nature but also position. If this is the means by which the person of the Optimate has absconded, it should be quite reasonable to exchange the apes for something roughly equivalent in whichever sub-layer we manage to explore."
 
 
Ulukaan Delegate (Human(?),(Ulukaa)); "like a menu? Flip through the existential layers until we find something we like?"
 
We have been given to understand that our Inquisitor has some ideas about the colony, should this become a joint venture."
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "have, mmmm, the esteemed alchemists of Xingando..,,., managed, ah, to pierce, haha! so to speak, this,, veil? H-have they looked upon these, as you so eloquently put it, as surely must be your meaning, other worlds?"
 
 
Léon Masque (Xingaondo); "To the delegate from Ulukaa:
 
If there is another world, chances are there is more than one. If we can travel to one, we can reach another. Stands to reason we will eventually be able to travel to which substances exist beyond - though our reach may, at first, be limited. I suggest we establish a base of operations upon which layer we can travel to first, then progress from there."
 
To the representative of Gron:
 
Such a thing may not yet be observed directly! Just as a powerful wind might only be seen by its effects, these other places are currently only visible by their expatriates among us. Clearly the most direct transubstantial route is via the ape's tunnel nexus, though of course as a man of business and not an addicted poet I myself have not travelled that land."
 
 
(Xingando surrenders the floor as there are no further questions)
 
 
languid applause from Ulukaa’s Reclining Arbor Zone
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "ah-ahh, s-sorry, the, er, mAXIMal has been, ahaha, preparing his presentation, which -- OH YES: the presenter on behalf of the Gronnate will be, mhm, GRON MAXIMAL, may we, you know, revel in the sight of his terrible form, mmhmm -- anyway, he will be presenting his paper in a few short hours, and then,,, hmmmmmm, the Gronnate will. Be taking questions......."
 
 
Several hours pass
 
 
Lieutenant-Scholar Rorom (Gronnate, (Snivelling)); "aaah,, a few hours still... Bear with...."
 
 
Several hours pass
 
 
Doctor-General Lolour Guridia (Gronnate, (Non-Snivelling)); "Aha! Hellooo, my dearest darlings! Ah, but who is, you may ask, cavorting his fine cerulean features behind yonder lectern, lo, who sashayes so gracefully to his spot behind the lectern, lo, haha! Is it Gron Maximal, you ask yourselves, for he is meant to speak, and by the sheen of his breastplate and the Ir-shaking terror of his morning breath it is not! You are in the presence of doctor-general Lolour Guridia, yes! Yes, I shall be delivering the Gronnate's address -- unexpected, I know, but Gron Maximal, wretched, beautiful, impenetrable he, is taken with one of his, aha, moods, and has decreed -- yes, decreed, that I shall speak in his stead! So settle your fine rumps into your seats and place your final bets on the graduates for, by the steel of my scholar's falchion, I shall now confer upon you gathered the shocking revelations gathered by our esteemed Gronnate regarding those lands called the Optimate!"
 
 
He takes a moment to inhale, having spoken all of the above in a single breath and having turned a distinctly unGronly red
 
 
He takes a moment more to thumb through his notes and inhales once more
 
 
Doctor-General Lolour Guridia (Gronnate, (Non-Snivelling)); ""Point the first, the ah, Cryos, which I believe we have heard discussed by our illustrious colleaugues at this -- yes this very Gronference!  As you already know, these are persons frozen from a past age, you know. And, lo, thanks to the incredible diplomatic skills of our department of Army and the excellent intrepreters that travel among them we have able to engage in a kind of intercourse -- the verbal kind, you know. These savages, erstwhile perplexed by our terrifying appearances, were ultimately swayed by the University's excellement military discipline and, after, I admit, some rather tense exchanges, have ultimately been prevailed upon to speak with us again, upon the occassion of future missions."
 
Doctor-General Lolour Guridia (Gronnate, (Non-Snivelling)); ""Point the second, the Cryos with whom we spoke made rather, ah, nonspecific references to a place they called the 'Tower of Flames', which stands upon the large island within the Optimate. This place seemed to inspire in them a certain kind of fear, and they made some mentions of 'portals upon portals', but the words of savages are of course unreliable and often false, and so we have devoted little of our precious, though bountiful, intellectual resources to this question, and instead throw it, like some form of proverbial red meat, which as we all know is the most delicious kind, to the gathered and brilliant minds of Ir to contemplate!"
 
Doctor-General Lolour Guridia (Gronnate, (Non-Snivelling)); ""Point the third, although we find we have been, so to speak, scooped by our colleagues from Ulukaa, is the savage white apes. We shall not repeat what you have already heard about them, but our sentries saw them from afar, fleeing, as it were, person on great metal ships, although the persons upon the ships themselves were too far to see..."
 
Doctor-General Lolour Guridia (Gronnate, (Non-Snivelling)); ""Point the fourth, during an expedition to the Optimate, a detachment of troops encountered what they mystifyingly refer to as a 'sky nation', which, apparently impressed by our men's prowess in ritual combat, bestowed upon this detachment the power of flight. Our best and brightest currently have these individuals under supervision and are determining whether this power can, ahh, generalized to the broader Gronnish public."
 
Doctor-General Lolour Guridia (Gronnate, (Non-Snivelling)); ""Point the fifth, and most shocking, is our department of pseudoastronomy has detected, ahhh, shall we say, subspatial tremors in the deep metafabrics of the universe, which they attribute to a kind of tearing, and theorize that some complete rupture, whatever that means, shall occur in approximately eight months. What shall emerge from that rupture, or perhaps fall in, remains speculative, but, to the Herald's mention of Worms, we posit that these tremors are indeed comparable to a kind of vermin burrowing."
 
"We would like to close these, ah, revelations by echoing the calls for international cooperation inaugurated by our friends from Ulukaa and Xingando. Indeed, we wish to reiterate these selfsame calls, and iterate upon them in the spirit of concrete action, by submitting that, in the name of all that is Gron, and indeed there is much Gron to speak in the name of, a treaty of mutual defense and cooperation, to be forged in this very lecture hall, incorporating no less than all the nations whose delegates are present -- that is the Mourgelends, Xingando, Ulukaa, and, naturally, the Gronnate."
"We will, of course, be taking questions."
 
 
Ulukaan Deligate (Human(?),(Ulukaa)); "Ulukaa has no problem with such a treaty and repeats Her suggestion of a joint expedition of discovery."
 
 
A zombie hobbit speaks on behalf of the Prof. Antef, who is indisposed. 
 
 
Mourgelands Delegate (Zombified); “The Morguelands will assent to this treaty."

The Fall of Ir

Ir! A world I made up with a bunch of other people, the details of which are described in this initial post.

What happened to it? You may ask, well, in a move typical for me, I invested a large amount of effort into it, enough to get people excited, then the workload got too much, the Kickstarter and Corona happened, and I then flaked, leaving it unfinished.

Yet we did quite a lot in that time, and if you read to the end of this post ye shall receive a link to a great PDF of the history of Ir, in 1st person no less.

Ir as a whole

(thanks to Richard G)

Irs Oceans

 Actually those are quite hard to see on a blog so here are some cut-down versions.

Central Ir

Here is the Optimate, the ancient magical empire which ruled Ir with super-magic, keeping all the nations seperate and limiting development and growth.

I had hoped that the collapse of the Optimate would create a power vacuum which would bring the different nations into contact.

Above the Opitmate is

Xingando;

"Cerberus Or "rules" and directs the current gold-hungry mercantile regime

Most power is in the alchemist-mafia Rapitauri family, who may not actually have discovered turning lead into gold but have certainly developed some other weird processes. The people not involved in the gold frenzy seem relatively normal but few of them are in charge of anything. "

Western Ir

Cut off from the eastern continent by the Reach are;

Highvern;

"Highvern is a land of perpetual winter. Notable for its continent spanning mountain ranges and mushroom forests. The Ice Queen Setra rules from the Crystal City, which sits atop the highest peak of Mount Dashantra at the heart of Highvern. A country of great decadence, built upon the backs of the goblins that mine the copper, iron, gold, and diamonds that provide its people their wealth."

The Mourgelands;

"The living may not enter the Morguelands.  Long-forgotten plague and war between its sacred cities silenced its fertile valleys forever.  Now it belongs to Zarazant, the high necromancer - and if he really still rules in Cradle after a thousand years, he must be as dead as his subjects.

The Morguelands export food.  Though much of the country is desert, when the rivers flood they leave rich farmland behind.  And they hardly have use for it, after all.

The Morguelands import corpses.  Great barges piled high with the dead are a common sight along the coast or at the mouths of rivers, piloted by grey-skinned dead halflings whose eyes glow with the same dull embers of their pipes.  The bodies of the poor are stacked like cordwood - these the Morguelands pay for.  The bodies of the rich lie in state in silver sarcophagi.  These are devotees of ancient faiths who pay dearly to be entombed in the shadow of holy monuments, that their souls might flow to paradise."

Twelve;

"Wax arks hunt for whale on the open sea. The vespid-men that people these floating cities work with uniform efficiency. They speak in clicking monotone, "We are Luminous Eleven Leg," they say. They never trade the spoils of their hunt, but carry holds of gold, teak, and acid-patterned steel, to exchange for supplies and tchotchkes.

"We are of Twelve," they say. "We are not queen. Holy Three Hand are queen." They all make buzzy sighs at once. A sign of exasperation? It is hard to read eye-rolls in their massive compound eyes.

+

There are human refugees from Twelve. Whole towns worth. Some sort of slave revolt, three months past. Most are maimed in some way. All bear cuneiform brands. Some had golden collars -- melted down to affirm their new-found freedom. "We were their herd," the refugees say, spitting. "The mistresses, Exalted Five Eye. They will come for us, and kill us all. Eat us. They will eat you, too."

The Mourgelands and Highvern both curve around the Circle Sea, separated at the top by the Pillars of Delusion.

Eastern Ir

Here in the east of the eastern continent is the beating political heart machivellian fuckstorm of Ir.

Illmora;

"The smiling green fields of Ilmora are the world’s breadbasket, and its merry flower farms provide color and fragrance, food for the spirit even in far bleak Highvern. The lucky citizens of Ilmora are led by the Merchant Princes, those three at any given time who have won for themselves the greatest riches in the land through their own ingenuity and toil. They are advised by the ageless Father-Mother, pontiff of the nation’s fertility cult. The foundation of their wise diplomacy is the expansion of mutually beneficial trade on terms of friendly peace to the whole world. They wish only to provide you the bountiful objects of your obscure longings on generous terms!

The Verdant Fleet is their navy. It serves only to maintain just defense of their merchant vessels, holding open all routes on the sea, which can belong to no nation or people, but must remain free for the visitors and guests traveling to far flung lands."

The Slug Isle;

"The Wormcourt of the Slug Isle hereby announces the coronation of Crown Ysbryda Holyworm following the voluntary abdication and tragic death of King Cerate Holyworm IV. Crown Ysbryda celebrates their ascension to the throne with an immediate and permanent end to the "Slugfood Doctrine" of summarily liquefying and repatriating all ambassadors, couriers, traders, wayward fishers, and various other kinds of foreigners, as well as indefinitely suspending the freebooter-enforced taxes on all ships in historical Slug Isle waters. Furthermore, Crown Ysbryda is pleased to announce that all couriers and diplomatic representatives are once again welcome in the halls of the Wormcourt."

Kanibalo;

"Sleek metal longships have been seen off the coasts Ulukaa and the Gronnate. The sailors, if one can call them that, for their ships have no identifiable rigging, appear to be large, black serpentine creatures with four spindly arms. Their heads are eyeless and triangular, with a wide mouth filled with several rows of small, shark-like teeth. Despite their alarming appearance, they are polite and friendly, inviting the captains of other ships to, “Pop over for a bite, dumpling. We simply have to have you for dinner.” For some reason, no one has taken them up on this yet. "

These creatures call themselves the Kanibalo, which the small-minded have bastardized as the offensive “Cannibal.”

The Great Glorious Gronnate;

"ANNOUNCING A MISSIVE FROM GRON MAXIMAL OF GREAT AND GLORIOUS GRONNATE:

[the following bellowed through a still-bleeding goat's head]

THE GRON MAXIMAL GREETS YOU WITH A HARDY CLAP AND A SMELLY KISS! THOUGH YOU ARE FEEBLE AND FAR AWAY, YOU ARE IN HIS PRESENCE, SO DO NOT BE NAUGHTY

YOU ARE BAFFLED?? ARE THE PEOPLE OF THE GRONNATE A SCREAMING GOATS HEAD??? NO, YOU FOOL, WE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SHOUTING INTO IT AND THROUGH IT IN A CLEVER TRICK!

YOU ARE FRIGHTENED BY OUR BELLOWING. THIS IS NATURAL! TO ASSUAGE YOUR FRIGHT THE REST OF THIS MISSIVE SHALL BE DELIVERED BY AN ELOQUENT AND MANNERED (BUT STILL INTIMIDATING) SCHOLAR OF GRON

[an oddly-shaped man emerges from behind the head]

Hello and Thank You, I am scholar of Gron. Please contain your intimidation, it is not needed, thank you. Since time immemorial Gronnate has been greatest and best most powerful country, and in this missive I will tell you about it.

Okay I will tell you about Gronnate now: we are ruled by almighty Gron Maximal, whom you have met, via Goat's head. Gron Maximal is great and powerful, very good man, he protects us with his great army and awesome legs. Wow.

I am a Gronnite, but look out for my logic: all Gronnites are not me!! Thank you, we are in many colours not sometimes the same as yours. There are "White" Gronnite, "Seafoam" Gronnite, "Azure" Gronnite, and "Violet" Gronnite, in all kinds of gradation, aspect, and terror.

Gronnate is great military power, but we are also very philosophy, also Fine Art. In this new Age of openness and inquiring, we are send this scholar (that's me) to learn widely and teach widelier (about Gronnate) for enriching the cultural and brain potency in all our lands, and certainly not starting wars!!

In conclusion, We thank you for your time and consideration and hope you will be amenable to enriching non-military exchanges.

Love,

[screaming again] GRON MAXIMAL (via Scholar)"

Ulukaa;

"Ulukaa is a tangle of jungles and swamp. Its people are hairless, haughty, and prone to thinking they’re being insulted. Their tattoos tell their life stories and they never travel without an entourage – at least a pet lizard-man and a masked confessor priest.

The Pontiff Queen, “All Eyes,” never leaves the capital in the deepest swamp. Any Ulukans you meet are called Ambassador, their priest is called Priest, their lizard-man is called using a trill in the language of lizard-men. They offer foods, medicines, drugs and perfumes, and are fascinated by machines and clockworks."

The Unknown Dutchy never entered the political life of Ir, here the magical veil of the Optimate never quite fell and so it remained isolated from all other lands.

The Chronicle of Ir

Being a list of those events of a large scale, noticeable to all, which took place upon the known continents and seas of Ir, date by date, from the first month of the Fall of the Optimate, Oct 2019.
 
To be dispersed to the Rulers of Ir, with a delay of one or two months.

For the records from Oct 2019 to the middle of Dec -

seek our previous post!

 Our tale picks up in the middle of Dec

 
16th Dec - ASSASSINATION!
 
Ir reels in shock as Ice Queen Setra claims to have foiled an attempted assassination. Surely, she claims, the mind behind this atrocity can only be the High Zarazant. If he will stoop to such measures, the Highverners claim, what else is he capable of?
 
The Crystal City itself breaks out in spontaneous demonstrations of loyalty to the Queen. The High Zarazant is burnt in effigy. Anti-foreigner pogroms and ghost hunts are powerfully supressed.
 
 
 
  
18th Dec - The Battle for Fantibah!
 
Ir has watched in shock as the 'Rough Gut Boys' of Xingando have carved their way through northern Illmora, crushing all opposition and, allegedly, eating any that remains. Of the Great Father-Mother, leader of the Illmoran Culturefaith, nothing has been seen.
 
Now the Rough Gut boys besiege Fantibah itself and, to the shock of all, the Father-Mother emerges from their strange meditations.
 
Magic meets steel in the streets of Fantibah! The future of Illmora hangs in the balance!
 
 
 
 
19th Dec - Retreat of the Rough Gut Boys
 
Illmorans everywhere take heart as Kazlmanns Rough Gut Boys retreat from Fanibah in disarray!
 Descriptions of the magical battle are meagre, but rumours say the Father-Mother was driven to consume the Eternally Pregnant Pomegranate, a rare relic, and by sacrificing this power, cast upon the Rough Gut boys, magics so horrific that even their Steel Hearts were unable to bear them.
 
The claim is that Kazlmann has been driven mad and now seeks vengeance on the civilians of Illmora.
 
 
 
22nd Dec - Revolution! (or Subversion?)
 
The Southerly Illmoran states of Pergyrinia and Throria claim independence and effectively enter the Ulukaan sphere of influence.
 
The reasons for this betrayal are unknown. Perhaps the refusal of the Great Father-Mother to come forth in her nations hour of need? Ulukaan trickery is suspected. Statements from Pergyrinia and Throria will only say that they now follow SHE WHO'S VOICE DROWNS OUT ALL OTHERS.
 
 
 
25th Dec - DISASTER!
 
No-one is certain of its origin, but all over Ir Thaumaturgists of every stripe insist some powerful event has taken place.
 
"The land glass, the green things now of unknown metals, the stone as obsidian or as a great jewel, and no people of any kind, yet only skeletons of men, birds, animals and even the shells of insects transmuted into dark lead, lying like abandoned sculptures amidst pools of bright and shining quicksilver."
 
Reports from the eastern coast of the Northern island of the former optimate report some kind of zone of death around a formerly hidden fortress of Xingando.
 
 
 
31^st Dec - Tadaitzol Invades the Northern Mourgelands!
 
After Setras total humiliation in early Dec, all eyes passed from the northern part of the Hot Cold war between Highvern and the Mourgelands.
 
Perhaps Setra herself was counting on this, for news now emerges that, in an unprecedented example of intra-service co-operation, the Highvern Army and Navy have moved move a significant force, not directly across the Pillars, but landing somewhere in the Northern Mourgelands.
 
This army is not huge but is said to be commanded by Tadaitzol the Hegemon, wielder of the Sword of Motherfucking Destiny!

 
 

The God Jan – Year 2020

 
1^st Jan – Tadaitzols Terror March
 
Tadaitzol, the Hegemon, wielder of the sword of motherfucking destiny, begins his Terror march south into the Northern Mourgelands. No armies go forth to prevent him but the forces of the Zarazant burn all foodstuff before his march, Tadaitzol marches into a land of dead ash.
 
^2nd Jan – Gorianders Seige Engines
 
Goriander, general of Highvern boasts of his construction of vast engines of death on the Mourgelands western border and claims he will pull down the Zarazants Wall with his bar hands.
 
3^rd Jan – The Zarazants Great Wall
 
The Wall built by the Zarazants legions across the Southern isthmus is said to scrape the sky.
 
3^rd Jan – Gron School of Harbour Opens!
 
The Great Glorious Gronnate announces (via Scribe Doot who transcribes the Great Grons bellowed words) that the Gron U School of Harbour is under-construction next to their Gron Capital! Soon ships from all of Ir will be able to visit and learn ship stuff!
 
 
4^th Jan – The Mountain Witch
 
The mountain people of Highvern tell stories of a Mountain Witch who flies from mountaintop to mountaintop.
 
6^th Jan – Kurdahar the Ruthless Enters Throria
 
The Treasure Fleet of Illmora under Kurdahar the Ruthless enters the city of Throria, formerly the capital of the Illmoran province of Throria. With the province itself fallen to Ulukaan influence and the loyalties of the City split, Kurdahar must not like what he finds, he leaves within a few days, heading north.
 
8^th Jan – Cybes the Beautiful encounters Something in the Pass of Indecision
 
The Illmoran Treasure Fleet of Cybes the Beautiful encounters something inexplicable and terrible in the Pass of Indecision, a reach of ocean controlled by Illmora until a month ago.
 
What they meet, and what results is either unspeakable or incomprehensible. Tales of psychic war and cyclopean forms are told, Cybes labels the Pass ‘fallen to unearthly power’ and after a fruitless combat, retreats West.
 
9^th Jan – Kanibalo navy Meets the Gronnate
 
The extremely friendly navy of Kanibalo visit the Gron U School of Harbour – its first visitors!
 
11^th Jan – Gronnate research force enters the Optimate
 
A mighty legion of research academics and undergraduates, under former general Snavros of Gron, enters the southern Optimate on its border with the Gronnate.
 
15^th Jan – Strange Ships in the Ocean of Alien Dreams
 
Unknown vessels are seen surging through the Ocean of Alien Dreams heading east under full-sail.
 
17^th of Jan Onwards – Ulukaan Building Schemes
 
The Ulukaan government brings attention to its massive programme of building, development and ‘cultural renewal’ in the recently acquired provinces of Pergyriania and Throria, and the joy its new subjects take in the reformed worship of the Mother.
 
19^th of Jan – City of Pergyania plans to Join Ulukaa
 
The rulers of the City of Chergera, main capital of Pergyriania announce that laws currently moving through their legislature will bring them into ‘closer beneficial strategic alignment with Ulukaa’, and recommend the wonderful new Ulukaan product ‘Akhwei’, soon to be on sale all over Ir.
 
The Council of Throria, city of that province, admit that similar laws are ‘under consideration’ due to ‘matters of circumstance’.
 
20^th Jan – Tadaitzol the Hegemon Reaches the Norther Isthmus
 
Tadaitzols forces cross the Mourgelnds northern isthmus, though his troops are said to be suffering badly from dehydration and hunger.
 
21^st -Kanibalos Visit Eejisfor
 
The Friendly navy of Kanbalo visits the Ulukaan capital.
 
22^nd Jan – Kazlmann vs the Green General Round Two
 
In northern Illmora, Captain Kazlmann and his Rough Gut Boys, moving wildly and randomly since their defeat at the gates of Fanibah, meet once again with the Illmoran Citizen Levies under the Green General. Despite Kazlmanns rumoured worsening mental state, the same result reoccurs and the Illmoran levies are driven off in disorder, though the Green General again survives to fight another day
 
25^th Jan – Return of the Gronnate Optimate Research Team
 
Snavros and his undergraduates return to the Gronnate claiming they have unearthed some ‘startling findings’ and opened new frontiers into research of the Optimate.
 
There do seem to be less of them coming back than went out. Perhaps they are on sabbatical?
 
30^th Jan – Gron School of Perfumery, Pest Control and Warfare opens in Eejisfor.
 
Dr Zbagnor Azure of Gron Phd, noted perfumer and Alternate History Historical Novelist, announces the opening of the Gron School of Perfumery, Pest Control and Warfare in Eejisfor, the Capital of Ulukaa. The Great Glorious Gron bellows that this is a fine example of international co-operation in the field of perfumery and strategic studies. Dr Zbagnor appeals for students after the initial class of undergraduates mysteriously disappear.
 
31^st Jan – The Battle of the Ocean of Alien Dreams
 
Perhaps the greatest sea-battle in Irs history to date takes place south of the Moureglands fortified Isthmus.
 
While the generals of the Mouregelands are able to observe from atop the great walls most southerly tower, Admiral Eraluessa of Highvern attempts to land forces in a daring amphious assault. However, she encounters once again, her old enemy, the Zarazants Abyssal Navy, and is driven back into the sea.
 

The Gods Feb & Mar - 2020 (Unedited)

It was during the month of Feb in the year 2020 that I, the Herald of Ir, was myself captured by unknown forces.

As such, they were able to alter and amend my Chronicle to their own nefarious desires. 

What follows no is the original, unaltered Chronicle for those months.

 
6^th of Feb – Eraluessas Last Gambit
 
In a socially brave and lucky assault, Admiral Eraluessa evades the abyssal navy in the Ocean of Alien Dreams and lunges for the Mouregelands coast. She successfully lands major forces only 100 miles south of Cradle, its capital. All over Ir many believe the Zarazants days are numbered.
 
 
 
Feb 12^th – I HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED!!
 
A huge Battle begin somewhere south of Cradle, capital of the Mourgelands. Settras Legions against the Skeletons of the Zarazant.
 
Twelve refuses the armies of Tadaitzol the Hegemon entry to their lands.
 
THE HERALD OF IR IS KIDNAPPED BY AGENTS OF THE GREAT GLORUOUS GRONNATE HELP ME SOMEONE!!!!
 
 
Feb 13^th – They are still fighting!
 
The massive battle in the southern Mourgleands continues for a second day. Many heroic acts take place.
 
Tadaitzol marches south to join the other Legions of Highvern.
 
 
Mid-Feb – Things cool down in Illmora
 
The Illmoran theatre of war seems quiet. Troops cluster around Fanibah and the deadly killers of Xingando under the mad captain Kazlmann, seem to have retreated or fallen back.
 
 
Late Feb
 
Metal Ships meet Huge Sea-Worms in the waters around the mythical Slug Isle.
 
 
Feb 20th
 
The Legions of Highvern, apparently still fighting make a heroic last stand within sight of Cradles walls!
 
Feb 24^th
 
Details are unclear but Tadaitzol the Hegemon and Vauphiria Donkor, chief general of the Moureglands, meet in earth-shattering single combat. The magical powers unleashed are so MASSIVE that thaumaturges all over Ir wake dreaming of them. Ultimately, both parties suffer permanent loss. The Sword of Motherfucking Destiny shatters the spirit trap of Donkor and is itself shattered. Tadaitzol is dragged from the field and his army retreats north. Pursued by the Mourgelands tireless hordes.

Mar 1st
 
ASSASSINATION!!!! AGAIN!
 
Deadly assassins strike once again at Settra, Ice Queen of Highvern!
 
Settra survives and presumably seeks revenge though who sent this particular set of assassins is something she keeps to herself.
 
 
Mar 5th
 
A great academic GRONFERENCE begins in the Great Glorious Gronnate
 
Individuals from all over Ir attend.
 
 
Mar 7th
 
Tadiatizols army, reaches the coast of the Circle Sea and finds the equally-shattered navy of Admiral Erulessa arriving from the north to pull them off.
 
But Donkors massive legions still trudges after Tadaitzol from the South and Eraluessa herself is pursued by the Abyssal Navy of the Zarazant.
 
 
Mar 9th
 
A strange single metal craft arrives in the ports of Highvern, claiming to be an emissary from the King of Kanibalo on the other side of the world.
 
 
Mar 16th
 
The GRONFERENCE continues, it seems likely that the combined forces of Ir intend some expedition to the Optimate. Rumours suggest some great doom is prophesied at the GRONFERENCE.
 
 

The Gods Feb and Mar – Year 2020 - EDITED
 

And here are the disturbing alterations which my captors were able to make to my Chronicle for those months. (I was able to introduce a very subtle secret code into these communication without their knowledge, see if you can spot it.)

Feb 12^th – War is still happening!

 
A huge Battle begin somewhere south of Cradle, capital of the Morguelands. Settra’s Legions against the Skeletons of the Zarazant.
 
The Twelve, a notorious hermit kingdom, has been besieged by both sides for their allegiance. Thus far, they have kept their silence. There are whispers that they do indeed have an alliance but with whom remains unclear.
 

Feb 13^th – They are still fighting!
 
The massive battle in the southern Morguelands continues for a second day. Many heroic acts by the Morguelands take place.
 
Tadaitzol marches south to join the other Legions of Highvern. A noticeable chill runs through their army. It seems like they may be losing faith that they can defeat the Morguelandish hordes.
 

Mid-Feb – Things cool down in Illmora
 
The Illmoran theatre of war seems quiet. Troops cluster around Fantibah and the deadly killers of Xingando under the mad captain Kazlmann, seem to have retreated or fallen back.
 
Something quickens in the Optimate.
 
H

Late Feb
 
The Metal Ships of Kannibalo meet Huge Sea-Worms in the waters around the mythical Slug Isle. Reports have come from across Ir that the Kannibalo have been visiting each nation and requesting to “sample the local flavour of the populace”. Do the rumours that the origin of the Kannibalo name have merit?
 
AV

 
Feb 20th 
 
The Legions of Highvern, apparently still fighting make a last stand within sight of Cradle’s walls! Their army is noticeably smaller and fatigued. Settra may have overplayed her hand!
 
E

 
Feb 24^th
 
Details are unclear but Tadaitzol the Hegemon and Vauphiria Donkor, chief general of the Morguelands, meet in earth-shattering single combat. The magical powers unleashed are so MASSIVE that thaumaturges all over Ir wake dreaming of them. Ultimately, Tadaitzol the Hegemon suffers permanent loss. The Sword of Motherfucking Destiny shatters! Tadaitzol is dragged from the field and the remains of his army retreats north. All the while pursued by the Morgueland’s tireless hordes. The populace of Highvern, hearing of this new defeat, begin to question their current leadership. Settra’s days may be numbered!
 
Reports from the North of the Gronnate hear tell of Gron flying through the sky. How they are capable of this is unclear, though there are rumours of the Gronnate meeting “Sky People” in the Optimate who have taught them the secret of flight.
 
BE

 
Mar 1st
 
ASSASSINATION!!!! AGAIN!
 
Deadly assassins strike once again at Settra, Ice Queen of Highvern!
 
Settra survives and presumably seeks revenge though who sent this particular set of assassins is something she keeps to herself, though rumours abound that this may have been a coup from within her own army!
 
EN

 
Mar 5th
 
A great academic GRONFERENCE begins in the Great Glorious Gronnate
 
Individuals from all over Ir attend.
 
The revelry and gambling are unmatched in all of Ir and the Gods weep for all who miss this occasion.
 
KI
 
Mar 7th
 
 
Tadiatizols army, reaches the coast of the Circle Sea and finds the equally-shattered navy of Admiral Erulessa arriving from the north to pull them off.
 
But Donkors massive legions still trudges after Tadaitzol from the South and Eraluessa herself is pursued by the Abyssal Navy of the Zarazant.
 
The Gronnate school of army performs a great number of terrifying military rituals across the country in unprecedented numbers.
 
DN
 

Mar 9th 
 
A strange single metal craft arrives in the ports of Highvern, claiming to be an emissary from the King of Kanibalo on the other side of the world. Rumours continue to swirl regarding the Kanibalo’s dietary preferences.
 
SHOCKING RUMOURS FROM ULUUKA. A crazed lizardman has washed ashore on Slug Isle and tells tale of terrifying blob people that rule Uluuka through mind control. Their true motives are unclear. The lizardman shortly therafter died from unknown causes.
AP

Mar 16th
 
The GRONFERENCE continues, it seems likely that the combined forces of Ir intend some expedition to the Optimate. Rumours suggest some great doom is prophesied at the GRONFERENCe.
 
PE
 

Mar 20^th
The GRONFERENCE concludes with the formation of a four-way mutual defense pact and a resolution to stop the impending destruction of all of Ir.
 
D!

The Last Chronicle (gronicle?)

Thankfully the subtle minds of  the rulers of Ir were able to decipher my cryptic code and in the final records of the world of Ir, three vital events took place;

My rescue from the Black Hood Gang on the Island of Calder.

The GRONFERENCE, a great meeting of the finest minds of Ir which would set the strategy for their perhaps final investigation of the Optimate.

And the perhaps-final battle between the forces of Setra and the Zarazant.

More on those may be included in later posts (as this one was getting pretty long)

However, for those of a more academic bent, we are now able to present a FULL RECORD of all letters and communications sent back and forth between the rulers of Ir and their various armed forces and other groups;

(Its 112 pages of PDF)