Swamp Thing (1982)

Directed by: Wes Craven
Runtime: 88 minutes

This movie is weird fiction, comic book super heroes, light touch of horror, and stupid fun all mashed into one strange and fun movie. The movie is based on the DC comics written by Len Wein. His comic run deals Doctor Alec Holland, a scientist who is making a formula to get plants to grow anywhere but agents of evil want this formula and Dr Holland ends up covered in burning chemicals and jumping into the swamp. This accident turns the doctor into the Swamp Thing, a human plant elemental being. Enough with the background and on to the movie.

Deep in the swamps of South Carolina, the U.S. department of Agriculture is running a secret black operation. So secret that they required to id badges at all times so that no one knows that there is a secret government black operation being carried out in the swamp. The reason for all this security is that Arcane may or may not be alive and after the research they are doing there. Who is Arcane? Why does Arcane want the research data?  These questions will never be answered.

Cable (Adrienne Barbeau) is brought in to replace another security tech who just can't stand being in the swamp. She will be one of three people who can open the lab that is home to brother and sister Doctors Linda and Alec Holland. Cable meets the doctors and Alec immediately realizes that Cable is meant to be his love interest. So Alec and Cable have a romantic trip in the swamp to check a security pod sensor thing.

Back at the lab, Linda has created the formula and shares the good news with her brother when he and Cable return. However, Arcane's men attacked the compound and are hiding the bodies when Cable leaves the lab to tell her boss that the doctors had succeeded in making the formula.  But Arcane's men find her, make her open the door to the lab, and knock her out. In a surprise twist Arcane reveals himself to the doctors. He had been masquerading as the head of security to keep an eye on the progress of the formula. This leads to all hell breaking loose as Linda tries to run of with the lab notes and gets killed, Alec pours the formula on himself and sets himself on fire, and Cable wakes up in time to steal the notes with how the formula is made.

The majority of the second act of this movie is the same thing happening over and over again with the plot sort of advancing after every cycle. It happens like this, Cable wanders around and finds a plot point, Arcane's men show up, Cable is forced to run, and the Swamp Thing shows up to save the day. To make it more entertaining you could speed up most of the second act footage, replaced the audio with Yakety Sax (that song from Benny Hill), and it would be much more watchable. Arcane read ahead in the script and finds a way to capture Cable, Swamp Thing, and the missing formula notes.

This leads to Arcane holding a formal dinner victory party with strippers in the background. Apparently Arcane wants this formula because it can be used  to transform people into a creature based on the character of the person of question. In Arcane's case he turn into the picture below.

While Arcane is turning into a crime against nature, the Swamp Thing has gotten over being caught by Arcane and has freed himself and Cable. Which means that the third act final fight is about to happen. To sum up quickly, Swamp Thing wins the battle and kills Arcane. Then leaves Cable because she is safe and it is time for him to wander the swamp until someone needs him.

The tone of this movie is all over the place. It tries for a horror feel for the first ten minutes or so and then the movie gives up, grabs a bottle of whiskey, and goes all over the place. The best example of this is at the start of the film Arcane's men use a poisonous to kill one of the government agents and laugh as he staggers away dying. These same men later on behave like Keystone cops with military weapons and force the audience to marvel at the fact that they haven't shot each other yet. Despite all that, it is a fun film and if it shows up on cable or a streaming service it is worth a watch that way.

MVT: A tie between the actor who played Jude and the cinematography. Reggie Batts was hired as a local actor and is one of the best characters in the movie but is a minor character which is why I am talking about him now. There are a lot of beautiful shots of the swamp in this film.

Make or Break: The Cable character goes from being able to look out for herself to tripping every chance she can get in the hope that a six foot tall swamp human hybrid thing will be there to save her. I know this is a thirty plus year old film but it is kind of jarring.

Score: 5.25 out of 10

Deadly Blessing (1981)

The Hittites are what most people believe the Amish to be. A religiously crazed society that shuns off the outside world. The idea of technology frightens them. They accuse those who don’t follow in their path as worshipers of Satan (or the Incubus, as stated numerous times throughout this film). In reality, the Amish are kind and gentle folk who work hard and are polite to others. It’s true they don’t use technology, but they don’t necessarily view it as the devil’s work. To them, it’s an advancement they don’t need in their lives, nor do they want it to consume it.

While it’s easy to look at the depiction of the Hittites in “Deadly Blessing” and see mockery, it’s not quite that. If Wes Craven’s intention was to slander the Amish, he wouldn’t have made up his own religious cult to center the film around. He actually sticks up for the Amish when he has one of the characters state, “The Hittites make the Amish look like swingers!” Not a robust defense, but it’s sufficient.

There’s no sin of pretense present in “Deadly Blessing”. The only cardinal sin being committed is monotony. The film’s pace moves slower than a snail and it suffers heavily from an identity crisis. It’s marketed as a thriller, but plays more like a drama a good seventy-five percent of the time. The horrific elements Craven lines up seem shoehorned in. It’s as if he originally intended to make a drama about different cultures colliding and the producers wanted him to crank out another horror film. Therefore, he shoved a bunch of scares and murders in to appease them.

The film starts out seemingly as a drama. John (Jeff East) and Martha Schmidt (Maren Jensen) are a happily married couple living in the countryside. He’s a natural farmer, as he was raised by Isaiah (Ernest Borgnine), a strict Hittite who shuns the outside world. He shuns his son as well when he goes off to college and comes back with Martha. Having already inherited the house, the couple stays there and farm as a way of standing their ground.

One night in his shed, John is run over by his tractor. It’s clear this isn’t the work of the paranormal and that of homicide. It’s written off as an accident, but it’s quite hard to run yourself over with a tractor if you’re not driving it. All fingers point towards William Gluntz (Michael Berryman), a slow Hittite who causes trouble wherever he goes. He’s shortly disposed of, leaving the killer a mystery.

This would work as a thriller if Craven didn’t constantly forget about the killer. There are long stretches where we get the obligatory culture clashes between Martha and the Hittites. Her neighbors are the only two around her that aren’t Hittite and help fend them off. Her two best friends, Lana Marcus (Sharon Stone) and Vicky Anderson (Susan Buckner), arrive to help her cope with her loss and clash with the Hittites, as well.

I won’t spoil the extremely lame twist, but I will state it doesn’t make much sense. Even with the little development the killer angle had, one would assume it would have to do with the Hittites. After all, their beliefs and hostility towards Martha is heavily established. As you can probably tell, such is not quite the case.

The performances do help in attracting some attention to the film. Maren Jensen handles herself well in the female protagonist role. I was quite impressed with her shock in finding her husband dead. It was a believable response that actually touched me. Ernest Borgnine turns in a splendid performance as the wicked Isaiah. He was the only one who could channel both the drama and horror elements of the story at once. Sharon Stone, in one of her earliest roles, is adequate as Lana (and man, was she gorgeous). Michael Berryman has fun hamming it up in his brief appearance.

The only other thing worthy of note is a scene that would be played out once again by Craven a few years later in “A Nightmare on Elm Street”. One of the most iconic scenes from that film is of Freddy’s hand rising out of the bathtub which Nancy is bathing in. Here, Martha is bathing in a tub when the killer sneaks in and tosses a snake in. In almost the same angle and shot, the snake slowly rises out of the water and stares her in the face. The only difference here is she notices it and we get a brief showdown.

Other than that, “Deadly Blessing” is a forgettable bore! The pacing is slow, the tone is all over the place and the film is simply boring. The countryside setting is never used to it’s full advantage and, as the end result shows, the Hittites weren’t used to their full potential. It was a novel idea, but a bland execution. One of Craven’s weakest films!

MVT: Ernest Borgnine would be the only reason I’d ever recommend checking this out. He turns in a strong performance as Isaiah!

Make or Break: I’m going with the long stretch of time between John and William’s death and the next attack. That part plays out like a drama which is where the tone of the film was broken.

Final Score: 3.75/10