VIDEO REVIEW: The Pirates of Blood River

VIDEO REVIEW: OSS 117 se Dechaine

REVIEW: Battle Beneath the Earth

Battle Beneath the Earth

Director: Montgomery Tully

Year 1967

Battle Beneath the Earth is a neat little sci-fi centric thriller, which, though wildly ridiculous, makes for one hell of a fun and outlandish time. Headlined by the always reliable Kerwin Mathews, this spy-like actioneer is enjoyably campy and wholeheartedly off the wall as it gives us moments upon moments of unbelievable action that can only serve to exist in this warped and fabricated cinematic world. As kitschy and strange as they come, Battle Beneath the Earth is a highly enjoyable action adventure flick that manages to impress thanks to its entertaining cast of characters and its tendency to not let reality hold it back. Let the battle begin!

The film opens with a hysterical man named Arnold Kramer, who claims that an invading army is burrowing under the United States, threatening to take over the country by force. Thought to be a crazed lunatic, government officials ignore the man's rantings, that is until a team of US Navy soldiers, led by Commander Jonathan Shaw, run afoul of a renegade Chinese general named Chan Lu who has amassed a secret army underneath American soil in a series of intricate tunnels that lead all the way across the Pacific Ocean and back to China. Is it too late to stop this madman who is hell bent on the nuclear annihilation of the United States or will Commander Shaw and his brave team thwart his diabolical plans? You know the answer, so let's just get right down to it.

Kerwin Mathews takes on the role of Commander Jonathan Shaw, the leader of the team of soldiers who decide to take down the nefarious General Chan Lu, and in usual form, Mathews carries the picture with ease. After absorbing all of his various roles throughout his diverse career, from his work in The 7^th Voyage of Sinbad, The 3 Worlds of Gulliver, Jack the Giant Killer, OSS 117 se dechaine, OSS 117 Panic in Bangkok, and The Viscount, it's safe to say that I've become quite a fan of his flicks and Battle Beneath the Earth is no exception. Exuding that trademark charisma and enthralling screen presence, Mathews gives the film an energetic boost which helps to smooth over the rather ridiculous premise of an invading army secretly digging tunnels under the United States. Wild plot aside, Mathews manages to twist this interesting science fiction thriller into a faintly recreated spy flick, with him replicating the personality of a secret agent and the villainous General Chan Lu taking the role of the power hungry madman, which is a staple of the 60's spy genre. Hell he even gets a sexy sidekick later on in the movie played by the ridiculously gorgeous Vivienne Ventura. Not too shabby Kerwin.... Not too shabby.

As previously mentioned, the role of General Chan Lu is one that is larger than life and Martin Benson is the capable actor who gets to fill in for the main baddy of the film. Of course there is nothing remotely Chinese about Mr. Benson, so the effects crew had to apply a ridiculous amount of makeup to Martin's face to give the impression that he was oriental. The end result is as campy and silly as the film, but when you're making a movie that centers its plot on the fact that an invading army is secretly digging tunnels under US soil and doing it seemingly undetected, believability and authenticity is not a factor worth worrying about. Aside from the laughable make-up, Benson does a wonderful job as the vengeful General Chan Lu, and he'd fit right at home battling 007 in the cinematic Bond world.

Like all good spy-tinged fair, technology and gadgetry are a huge selling point and with Battle Beneath the Earth we get a slew of interesting devices and machines for our heroes to monkey with. One in particular is the mining laser which Commander Shaw and crew use in order to infiltrate the Chinese's underground labyrinth. Strangely Bondian-like and immersed in science fiction staples, this drilling machine is quite an impressive piece of fictional technology and one that is used quite often in the later moments of the film. Though it's pure pulpy camp, I still love the hell out of it.

Further more this post Cold War sci-fi thriller with a spy-spirited adventure twist, isn't just content with gadgetry and a secret agent-like lead to give it a 60's spy edge. It swings for the fences as it showcases a plethora of kitschy espionage elements that truly harken back to the Eurospy films of years earlier. Take the main villain General Chan Lu's secret underground lair for instance. The man has an elaborately decked-out pad which includes a transportation pod-like device that services as an elevator, helping him move throughout his expansive underground world with ease. Not only that, but the guy has a pet falcon. A pet falcon! I rest my case. Whatever the intentions were in blanketing this production in a fine layer of espionage goodness, I'm forever grateful. Battle Beneath the Earth is a fun-filled extravaganza that is too ridiculous and silly not to be entertaining.

Battle Beneath the Earth is a wild ride of a flick that never takes itself too seriously, yet still maintains to be a straight forward sci-fi thriller. With never a wink to the audience or a second to pause on its ludicrousness, this feature disregards its premise as impossible and rather keeps to the task of telling a most unusual story in the most earnest of ways. In this frame of mind, director Montgomery Tully allows for the fun to stay at the forefront as we lap up all the zany aspects of the narrative and bask in the wacky nature of it all.

Kerwin Mathews lives it up as Commander Shaw and he is the perfect fit for what would be a highly unmemorable role if taken on by anyone else. His charisma shines in this production and the camp factor of the film actually adds to his appeal. The same can be said for Martin Benson in the role of General Chan Lu. Silly and extremely goofy, Benson gives it his all as the super villain and what we're left with is a hefty serving of pulpy goodness, courtesy of every spy cliché in the book. Thankfully that is something that will always interest me and grab my attention and in all honesty, these kind of wild productions can be extremely enjoyable if you just get into the right frame of mind. If you're looking for some good old fashion innocent entertainment, then give this one a go. Battle Beneath the Earth is.....

Everybody get your ear to the street and look what's going down.

Nice bathrobe weirdo.

Even in this stupid helmet I look good.

Hey nerd boy! You mind sharing with the rest of us?

This is my map and you can't have it!

Real sneaky buddy.

Calm down you big baby. It's just red paint.

General, that damn kid is listening to the Hip Hop again.

Beam me up Scotty.

Check it out Frank! The kid's a natural scratch master!

I'm fixing to snatch up your chick.

Oh Laser Borer, how you boggle my mind with your pretty lights.

What are you looking at bird brain.

Bold fashion statement, but it's so last season.

Me fan you long time.

Oh how I love you lion emblem.

It's a bird. It's a plane. Shit it's a nuclear fallout!

How romantic.

i SPY EUROSPY: OSS 117: se dechaine

OSS 117: se dechaine
Director: Andre Hunebelle
Year 1963
 
OSS 117: se dechaine is the first post Bond spy film of an outstanding series of French films showcasing the espionage filled adventures of agent Hubert Bonisseur de La Bath. Directed by Andre Hunebelle and filmed in crisp and atmospheric black and white, the movie is an absolute stunner, taking cues from the Bond formula that was introduced a year earlier and just rolling with it in style.
 
The story of se dechaine follows secret agent Hubert Bonisseur de La Bath AKA OSS 117, as he investigates the recent death of fellow agent Roos who had an unfortunate accident off the shores of Bonifacio, France while scuba diving. Smelling foul play, Hubert flies into the coastal town of Bonifacio, interrogating all who had interacted with his late friend just before his death. His investigations eventually take him to a remote location, where a new submarine detector has been developed on. This new device could tip the fragile peace between warring factions and cast the earth into another world war, so obviously OSS 117 has to put a monkey wrench in their plans. This classy effort is as fun as it sounds, provided by some beautiful photography and an interesting and engaging cast.

Kerwin Mathews you beautiful bastard, you’ve done it again. Having spent a great deal of his earlier career starring in swashbucklers and fantasy flicks, Mathews steps into the Eurospy light with this fantastic first real Bond-like entry in the OSS 117 series. Bringing all the charm and wit that made him a star in his earlier roles, Mathews really makes the character of Hubert de la Bath come to life. His athletic ability also didn’t hurt his chances on creating an engaging and adventurous disposition for agent OSS 117, providing some really energized fight scenes and immaculate set pieces. His performance on this film even garnered him a return in the next OSS 117 entry entitled Panic in Bangkok. Both of his efforts in this series are highly entertaining, making me wish that he would have continued on with the winning formula. Who knows what other wonders he could have brought the Eurospy genre.
 
Providing some extra appeal for the film is actress Nadia Sanders who plays the role of Brigitta, one of the surviving members of Roos’ scuba diving team. Her role in the film is rather essential and she provides a good deal of twists and turns that help move the movie along into some interesting avenues. Her beautiful looks and innocent demeanor provide a curious combination for Hubert to contend with and her troubled past is quite revealing when all the chips are laid out on the table at the end of the film. Nadia is a classy actress and her presence in se dechaine is a welcomed one.

While being somewhat of an early bloomer in the post Bond timeline, OSS 117: se dechaine seems to have latched onto the formula with an accomplished sense of ease. The globe trotting aspect that was first introduced in Connery’s Dr. No, is in full effect in this film providing some luxuriously breathtaking looks at Bonifacio, Toulon, and Nice. There’s also the inclusion of some various yet stunning women for Hubert to flirt with, bringing that much needed sex appeal to the forefront of the film. OSS 117 isn’t that much different from James Bond. Both men like their pick of multiple women and each one eventually succumbs to the advances of one special lady before the closing moments of the film. The formula of se dechaine is unmistakably Bond, but damn does it do it so well.
 
There is a slight diversion from the Bond-centric moments during the final portion of the film though. These incidences occur with the group behind the development of the sub detector and their overall involvement in the film. They are hardly present throughout the movie, sparing only passing glimpses into their plans and aspirations for doing what they’re doing. This is slammed even closer to home when we witness the demise of this organization by a suicidal decision to blow up their own laboratory rather then be caught. Hell, when this happens La Bath isn’t even in the same location, he’s off fighting a henchman on a speeding boat. It kind of brings an anticlimactic feel to the film, but luckily the film doesn’t fixate on the diabolical minds behind the sub detector that much in the first place, so in the end it isn’t much of a let down. Aside from that little oddity, se dechaine is a rather accomplished Bond clone that set the right example when it came to establishing the Eurospy genre.

OSS 117: se dechaine is an outstanding beginning for the series and it establishes the agent of Hubert Bonisseur de La Bath as a new breed of secret agent. Kerwin Mathews does such a great job as OSS 117 and his performance is fully engaging and highly entertaining. The rest of the cast does an equally astounding job, bringing the world of OSS 117 to life while adapting to the changing tone of espionage films to coexist with the dominant Bond movies of the time.
 
With its black and white photography, se dechaine is a stunner, bringing about a classier depiction of the Eurospy, but still utilizing the intriguing subject matter and whimsical tone that the genre is known for. This is one fun adventure filled mission and luckily this is only the beginning for what would eventually be a rather accomplished Eurospy series. OSS 117: se dechaine is……

Don't fart underwater. The bubbles give you away everytime.

La Bath...... Hubert Bonisseur de La... shit just call me OSS 117!

OSS 117 flies Air Fance. How fancy.

So are you up for a little hanky panky?

Where the shit am I?

You can't have any pudding if you don't finish your meat!

Well hello there sexy.

Kramer you diabolical fiend!

Well hello there ladies!

OSS 117 doing some extreme bird watching. What a card.

I see you over there you little pervert!

Hello police... I'd like to report an incident of extreme handsomeness.

You know you look like a complete moron.

Man do I hate scuba diving!

Playing cops and robbers is FUN.

Now everyone repeat after me. It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.!

When you get to Hell, tell them Hubert Bonisseur de La....
Shit just tell them OSS 117 sent ya.

Thanks everyone. Hope you enjoyed the movie. See you in the sequel.

i SPY EUROSPY: The Viscount

The Viscount
Director: Maurice Cloche
Year 1967
 
The Viscount is a fun little Eurospy-esque flick that showcases just how charismatic its lead actor, Kerwin Mathews, can be. Super charging the wit and amping up the fun factor, the movie brings all the goods of the genre to the forefront. Girls, guns, baddies, and beautiful locales are all here to feast your eyes on, plus we’re also given a rather interesting twist on the usual spy staples which gives the film a unique but not unfamiliar feeling.
 
In this espionage-styled caper, we follow the exploits of Clint de la Roche AKA The Viscount, an insurance detective who has a bone to pick with corrupt and dangerous drug pushers, especially ones named Marco Demoygne and Ricco Barone. It seems that Marco has stolen $2 million from a prestigious bank and within that bank’s safe deposit box was a rather large haul of opium, stashed by Barone. Marco plans to hold the opium for ransom, but unfortunately for him, The Viscount has been assigned to the bank robbing case, giving Barone an opportunity to vie for Viscount’s aid. Having no love for either man, The Viscount agrees to play Barone’s game in order for him to set-up both thugs for a hard fall. Let the enjoyable insanity proceed.

For all intensive purposes, The Viscount is not really a Eurospy film. It’s actually more of a detective flick, with heavy doses of Eurospy flavor. For instance we have Clint de la Roche, played by the wonderful Kerwin Mathews, who is essentially an insurance detective, but you wouldn’t even know it if you hadn’t read that in the synopsis. His appearance and actions are straight-up super spy, including his pension for wooing the ladies. The man is a glorified 60’s secret agent if I’ve ever seen one and in my opinion this film just screams Eurospy.

Another glaring similarity of the spy genre is the inclusion of a plethora of beautiful and exotic women. When we’re first introduced to Mr. Viscount, he is vacationing in Spain and dating multiple women who are virtually throwing themselves at him. This smooth criminal gets around and never gives up the chance to have an interesting night of female delights, even when he is assigned to be flying out of the country in the early hours of the morning. The guy is a champ and he is even given a femme fatale to play around with in the form of Lili Dumont, a stripper with a heart of gold, played by the voluptuous Sylvia Sorrente. This girl is the epitome of Eurospy flavor and she is an absolute stunner. I really wish that she was given more opportunities to shine in the Eurospy world, but unfortunately this is one of the only roles in which she was able to dip her feet into the genre. Be that as it may, she still gets a good amount of things to do in this film, even getting caught up in the action when she is captured midway through the movie and used as leverage over super insurance agent Viscount.

 
There’s also the inclusion of some very spy-fitting locations for Kerwin to flex his secret agent muscles in, including a beautiful villa where the climactic battle of the film takes place. I especially loved the luxurious beach resort where Viscount is first introduced while living it up in Spain. There’s such a lovely retro look to the place and plenty of 60’s style to boot. With all of the picturesque locales and breathtaking venues in this movie, it’s hard to come to the conclusion that this is anything but a Eurospy film through and through.

Like some of the more fun filled Eurospy movies out there, like Death on a Rainy Day and the Kommissar X series, insurance agent Clint de la Roche is given a partner named Billette to watch his back. This number two if you will, is played by Jean Yanne, and he is constantly coming to the aid of The Viscount, but is never really given that many opportunities to share the spotlight with his fellow agent and friend. Their relationship mirrors Paul Riviera and Bruno Nussak’s from Death on a Rainy Day, as The Viscount mostly runs the show while Billette mainly picks up the scraps that he leaves behind. The combination works though, because in the end it really is Viscount’s show and he does a more then adequate job in making this particular mission exciting as all hell.
 
Kerwin Mathews is golden in this role and is as up to form as he was in his other Eurospy efforts like OSS 117: se Dechaine, Panic in Bangkok, and The Killer Likes Candy. The guy was born to play a secret agent and he fills the role of Viscount perfectly. Some of his lines had me laughing out loud over their perfect delivery and witty approach. I’ve enjoyed every role he has played in, even the ones outside of the Eurospy spectrum, and this film is no exception.
 
The action was also rather feisty in this movie, going for more madcap anarchy then a structured set of choreographed fight scenes. It always seemed like Viscount was adapting to the situation at hand, and though cocky and stalwart, he never appears to have total control when the fists begin to fly and the bullets are let loose. That’s not to say he isn’t effective, far from it. He has a lethal streak in him, always going for the most brutal attack to incapacitate his foes, even going as far as to throwing them out the window when all the valuable information has been spilled by them. I had a blast with Viscount’s style and it looked like the entire production had a great time when filming this unique Eurospy film.

The Viscount may not be an official Eurospy effort, but in my mind it’s got all of the elements of one. Hell, it outdoes most films in the genre with its perfectly cast agent role, exceptional globe trotting locations, and exquisite eye candy as far as the eye can see. The women are beautiful, the villains are diabolical, and the atmosphere of the film is pure Eurospy.

If you've never heard of The Viscount before and you love the genre, give this one a chance. It's a solid effort and one hell of a fun ride. From beginning to end, I found myself smiling from ear to ear over the wild adventures of a simple insurance detective who just so happened to be stuck in the skin of one of the most dynamic secret agents in the whole world. God bless you Viscount, you crazy bastard. I thought this film was a.....

Well hello there.

Real sneaky sis.

Aint that a sight for sore eyes.

Billette has this shit covered.

Scram pip-squeak, you're cramping my style.

Look mom, John Woo style!

Get that lamp shade off your head retard.

I'm gonna say it one last time. Tell your boys I'm not playing Red Rover!

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

Ready for round two. I'll give you the 70% off Viscount.

Try getting out of this one you slippery shit.

Guns make me sad.

See he's laughing he's having a good time.

Viscount loves to break balls.

Get a room you two.

This is battery acid you slime!

Now on to the SEX!

The End.