Blood Sucking Geek Presents The Second Annual Ultimate Gore-A-Thon

      Jonny Dead at Blood Sucking Geek is kicking off the Ultimate Gore-A-Thon 2014, and the bloodbath begins on June 15th.  At The Mansion Of Madness, Blood Sucking Geek, Candy-Coated Razor Blades,  The Info Zombie, and Movies At Dog Farm are all coming back for the second time, and new participants  90s Horror Movies, Love Horror, Midnight Cinephile, Slasher Studios, Wide Weird World Of Cult Films, and Terrorphoria are bringing the new blood.  The Ultimate Gore-A-Thon 2014 runs through June 21st.

     Be sure to visit all of the participating sites, be generous with the "Likes" and "Shares", and leave lots of comments.  Horror bloggers love that.  Clicking on the Gore-A-Thon badge in the sideboard will take you directly to a regularly updated index of new posts from all of the sites.  Hats off to Blood Sucking Geek for taking the time and effort to organize the event.

Creature Feature Week Has Commenced! Call The Authorities! Multiple Sites Crawling With Monsters, Madness And Mayhem!

Wriggling, writhing grossness consumes the internet!

     My buddy Bob Mallett at Candy-Coated Razor Blades is coordinating a multi-site Creature Feature Week!  Check it out here for updated links to all the new content.  You'll see posts from me, Bob, and other members of the The Incredibly Strange Horror Bloggers Network, as well links to new friends The Big Gay Horror Show and Kweeny Todd.  Take the bait!

The Power Of The Incredibly Strange Horror Bloggers Network Compels You . . .

There's no need to adjust your monitor.  The Incredibly Strange Horror Bloggers Network has seized control of your laptop.  We dare you to click the spiral and be transported to another dimension (or at least another URL address).

     Readers will remember Blood Sucking Geek's Ultimate Gore-A-Thon from back in February.  The Ultimate Gore-A-Thon was a two week multi-blog event orchestrated by JD at Blood Sucking Geek. It included his blog, this blog, and seven other contributing blogs.  We all thoroughly enjoyed working with one another, and we decided to keep doing so.  Enter The Incredibly Strange Horror Bloggers Network . . .

     The Incredibly Strange Horror Bloggers Network is a group of these nine predominately horror themed blogs that have banded together to consolidate their individual strengths, support each other's efforts, and present a unified identity to the public.  In particular, fans of any of the participating blogs can go to The Incredibly Strange Horror Bloggers Network Fan Page on Facebook and find updated info and links from all nine blogs gathered together in one tidy, convenient pile.

     The graphics associated with The Incredibly Strange Horror Bloggers Network will likely change in the near future (Maggie at MK Horror is working on something a little spiffier than what I came up with), but the Facebook Fan Page is already up and running.  Bob at Candy-Coated Razor Blades is brainstorming our next group effort, as well.

     Watch the Fan Page for updates, and feel free to post there to let us know what you think.  In addition to promoting the blogs, we also hope to foster an active community there - we'd like all of our readers to be part of that!

A Public Apology To Kevin Costner

     Dammit!  Dammit all to hell!  I can't stand Kevin Costner.  Well . . . I couldn't stand Kevin Costner.  It now pains me deeply that I feel obliged to publicly recant.  After seeing Costner do most of the heavy lifting in two genre movies that I thoroughly enjoyed (2007's Mr. Brooks being the first), I believe I need to grudgingly acknowledge him as a friend of the genre.  I'm sorry, Kevin.  I won't wait so long to watch the next one.

     I dimly recall reading several positive notices for The New Daughter (2009) not long after it hit home video.  Mr. Brooks was still fresh in my mind at the time (which was really a double whammy for me since I absolutely loathe Dane Cook), and I remember making a mental note to myself to check it out.  Then that mental note promptly crawled off to die, alone and lonely, in the same darkened chamber of my mind in which all of my mental notes perish.

     Cut to tonight, and I find myself alone at home for the evening thinking I'd like to watch a movie, but not really anything for which I had high expectations.  As I sometimes do in this circumstance, I turned on Netflix streaming and flipped to the Horror category with a grim determination to watch the first movie I came to that I hadn't seen and about which I had even the mildest curiosity.  I tend to wait for the "ideal circumstance" to watch movies that I've really been jonesing for, and consequently I actually don't watch as many random new(ish) movies as I feel that I should.  I've always got a backlog of movies I'm actually anxious to see stacked up when the "ideal circumstance" crops up, so the movies I'm only mildly curious about get short shrift.  I've got to sift through those every once in awhile, though, because that's where the pleasant surprises reside.

"Just watch it.  I ain't playin', man."

     Now don't get me wrong - The New Daughter is far from perfect.  It has a lot of those purely expository characters that only exist in horror movies, it's about fifteen minutes too long, and it has at least two or three dangling plot threads that go nowhere.  It's capsulization on Netflix describes it as being about a man who "faces a nightmare when his daughter starts acting strange."  Doesn't sound too promising, does it?  Well, I'm going to give Netflix a pass this time, because to say much more would ruin the movie.  That capsulization is accurate, and sometimes it's nice to just see a movie cold.  What does that mean to you, dear reader?  It means this is another of those patented Dog Farm non-reviews that pretty much boils down to "Just watch it.  You can thank me later."

     What I can tell you is this - Costner's performance, in particular, sells the story.  I think maybe the pending introduction of a baby into my life has activated my vestigial ovaries, but I've been especially weepy lately, especially where plotlines involving parent/child relations are concerned.  The slow burn narrative, the ultimate inevitability of the resolution, and Costner's commendably subdued and nuanced performance as a father suddenly forced to tackle the parenting alone left me experiencing a peculiar pulse pounding crying jag in the movie's final moments.  As my buddy Bob over at Candy-Coated Razor Blades is fond of saying, "Your mileage may vary."  I'm undoubtedly a little sensitive these days, but finding myself so emotionally invested in The New Daughter by its conclusion was definitely one of those pleasant surprises I mentioned earlier.

     Dane Cook can still suck it, though.

__________________________________________________________________

     On an entirely unrelated note, I'd like to take to take this opportunity to thank JD at Blood Sucking Geek for masterminding the just completed Ultimate Gore-A-Thon.  I appreciated the opportunity to work with JD and all of the rest of great sites that participated.  If people do, indeed, judge you by the company you keep, then you folks made me look hellaciously good.  Links to all of the most recent posts on those great sites will maintain residence in the sideboard, and for now I'll simply refer to them collectively as Friends Of The Farm.  Check 'em out, subscribe, like 'em on Facebook, and Tweet them to all of your friends.  Thanks, all, for allowing me to participate.

Movies At Dog Farm Presents: A Guest Post By Bob Mallett From Candy-Coated Razor Blades

Heck Of An Heirloom, Lady

     HI!  How ya doin?  I'm Bob and I'm stepping into the Dog Pound today to...  What?  Oh, Dog FARM!  I thought I noticed a distinct lack of FOX cameras around.

     Well... that really doesn't change anything.  I'm still here as part of the Ultimate Gore-A-Thon to tell you about a movie.  'Cause that's what I do.  Anyway, I try to make it my life's mission to bring horror movies to the masses and my cousin tells me that her friend really likes my blog and wants me to review this flick, Keepsake (2008).

     I've never wanted to slap a stranger so hard in my life.  Don't get me wrong.  Indie torture horror?  Awesome.  Kidnapping serial killers?  Extra cool.  Shock collars?  Sign me up.  This movie, though?  SO MUCH POTENTIAL!  So little of it actually used.

Yep.  Looks just like this through the whole movie.

          The story goes like this.  Chick breaks down and has to call a tow truck.  Tow truck guy shows up, only he's not actually the tow truck guy, and kidnaps Chick for thirty days of torture.  He already has a pet.  OK.  Chick gets to wear a shock collar.  Uh-huh.  Stuff that should be interesting but really isn't happens.  Woo.  There are twists that have to do with multiple personalities, genital removal, piano-wire dentistry and scrapbooking.  Yay.  Chick isn't actually locked in a cage or anything so you spend 90% of the movie wondering why she doesn't just, oh, I don't know... leave.  (I'm pretty sure that the remote on the collar only goes so far.  I mean, unless the mute tow truck driver somehow knows how to put a satellite antenna on there.  That would be cool but unlikely.)  So, yeah, anyway... ummm... Yeah.  That's it.

About as exciting as it gets.

     No, really.  This isn't all that complicated a watch.  There's no artistry, here.  It's three people in a cabin with a barn, sharp implements and a few extra body parts lying around.  The actors walk through this thing like they've been sucking on the biggest bong, ever.   The lead tries to be all seductive and shit and comes off looking like Olive Oyl in heat.  Seriously?  You just want her to do whatever “torture porn rescue operation” she's gotta do so we can stop wanting to punch all of them in the gonads for being assholes.   

     If I hadn't been asked to watch it, I could have lived my life peacefully without knowing it ever existed.  Captivity was better than this and that movie sucked donkey balls.  I literally cannot dislike this movie any more than I already do.  It hurts me that I did my cousin a favor and she betrayed me like this.  I think I'ma have to have a chat with her husband to arrange a suitable punishment (that does not involve actually hurting her because I simply will not have that in my family and domestic violence is all bad and stuff).  I just don't feel like making the drive.  

    Actually, that won't happen because, in all honesty, I watch bad movies on purpose so I have something to bitch about.  It's my raison d'etre.  I come from a long line of complainers.

     Anyway, thanks for joinin' me.  Come on over and check out my blog Candy-Coated Razor Blades if you want, Monday through Friday.  I won't bite.  Much.  And only if you ask me to.