What Do You Do when the Scary Dies?

Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985) - Now that's scary!

     It's a sad fact that most lifelong horror movie fans become inured to the machinations filmmakers employ to scare them.  We grow too jaded to be frightened.  Would we continue to watch comedies if we never laughed?  Probably not.  We soldier on, though, hoping against hope that the next horror movie we watch will be the one that brings the scary back from the dead.

     I believe many of us resort to living vicariously through the terrified responses of the straights in our lives to the movies that long ago ceased to scare us.  It's one of the primary reasons we have a compulsion to share our favorites.  There's no true altruism there, just a selfish need to enjoy a scare once removed rather than no scare at all.  If our victims become fans themselves, so much the better.  Still, what we're really hoping for is to see our friends and family completely lose their shit in a fashion that we no longer can.  I've been on the receiving end of this dynamic, too.  Good ole Large Marge giving Pee-wee Herman the scare of his life in Pee-wee's Big Adventure traumatized me, and I know my friend Jeff subjected me to that as payback for all of the times I'd exposed him to horror movies for my own twisted gratification.  Payback is truly a bug-eyed, truck driving bitch.

Creepy creepin' crud  - The Bay (2013)

     We try to bring the scary back by looking for it in previously unexplored avenues, as well.  Fortunately, the horror genre is stuffed to the brim with sub-genres.  I'm forty-three years old, and I'm still never at a loss to find a heretofore unexamined offshoot.  I've found many noteworthy little gems just by deigning to explore sub-genres against which I've fostered prejudice.  I don't like vampire movies, but Let The Right One In (2008) is one of the finest movies - horror or otherwise - that I've seen in the last decade.  I'm suffering from pronounced zombie fatigue, but Pontypool (2008) spins those hoary old zombie movie tropes into one of the most mesmerizing films of its type I've ever seen.  The found footage sub-genre is pretty threadbare, but it can still occasionally offer up effective chillers like Europa Report (2013) and The Bay (2012).  The scary may be on life support, but there are signs of life if you look hard enough.

Alone in the dark . . . or not -  [REC] (2007)

     The cruel irony, of course, is that the wider the swath we cut across the horror landscape, the more difficult it becomes to keep turning up more scares.  It becomes increasingly difficult to find something we haven't already seen before.  A buddy at work suggests a pefectly solid little time waster he saw on cable the night before, and we're obliged to assure him that the flick he enjoyed so much is in fact just a rip-off of movie X, Y, or Z.  Even worse, we might be obliged to tell him that his "find" is actually a rip-off of a vastly superior foreign made original.  Aren't they always?  You might have the satisfaction of pointing your buddy toward [REC] (2007) after he ran across Quarantine (2008) on Netflix streaming, but you've only taken another step toward becoming the resident "horror guy".  Your appreciation of horror movies has become largely academic.  You can no longer watch any new movie without automatically assessing its relative merit as compared to two or three similar movies that came before.  You've become a purely critical viewer.  You'll never be scared again if you can't allow yourself to be entirely in the moment when watching a new flick, but once you've become aware of the nuts and bolts used to construct a cinematic scare, you'll always see it coming.  What's a fan to do?

Shaggy and Scooby were always scared, right?  Must work.

     Some of us resort to having a few drinks to enhance viewing.  Unfortunately, beer, wine, and liquor all have roughly the same affect.  Though tying one on can boost the appeal of a campy stink bomb, it also dulls the senses and destroys focus.  It's hard to be scared by a movie if you're too blotto to know you're supposed to be.  I've also heard tell of fans smoking pot to achieve an opposite effect by sharpening focus to keep themselves completely in the moment.  I have it on good authority that this disables critical faculties while heightening attention to detail.  Though Movies At Dog Farm would of course never advocate any kind of illegal activity, it seems to me that just might work - as long the viewer doesn't fall asleep first or break the spell by pausing the movie to forage for some nachos.

     So what do you do when the scary dies?  Don't panic.  Just wait for it.  You see, I'm pretty sure the scary never actually dies, it only plays opossum.  It's still alive, taking shallow breaths and lying motionless, luring us into a false sense of security.  Then, when we least expect it . . .

     Boo!  Scary happens.  Crisis averted.