Karp are universally hailed as the great lost hope of metal. Those that were lucky enough to see them live had our faces melted off our asses kicked. I'm not going to go into too much about this great band from Washington because we all know almost everything about these bros (Cobras wrote about them here). Jared is in Big Business now, who are also in Melvins. Sheesh.
Karp released 3 full lengths and a crapload of singles and eps in their short (8 year) career. There is a recent documentary about them that you should check out.
Last year this amazing demo suddenly appeared from 1993. It was released on cassette shortly before their first album was released. It rules. Get it here.
This album should need no introduction whatsoever.
In fact, I don't have anything relevant to say at the moment anyway.
All I know is that the picture above is a good representation of how I feel right now (and probably look). My brain is fried due to my academic ventures (its finals week) and I have been under the gun so-to-speak the last three to four weeks.
In a nutshell, this album fits my overall mood at present.
Plus, I haven't contributed a post here on IllCon for at least a couple weeks so I kind of owe it to y'all I suppose.
So without further ado, I think I'm gonna go get hammed on Oly and listen to this noise on repeat for the next few hours while trying to repress the memories of the past weeks' events...
Sounds fun huh? Why don't you join me? Crap! For Fuck's Sake, I'm out of Oly.
Nevermind.
Must. Numb. Mind. Now.
Be Proud To Commit Commercial Suicide here
not here
After a decade of bitter infighting and rancour between two ideologically polarized camps within ICHQ, I am delighted to announce the grand opening of IllCon East, a new subdivision of IC Enterprises which is charged with ensuring East Coast considerations are factored into decision-making around marketing, product development, and systems change. This venture comes on the coattails of a debate that has been percolating beneath the surface of everyday business and has made working alongside one another no longer possible. I now present to you IllCon East's mission statement:
FUCK YOU, WEST COAST
Allow me to explain...
Here on the East Coast, being metal is a fucking chore. You have to work at it. If you're a metalhead and come from anywhere East of Sanford Parker's fiefdom, Ohio, you're already handicapped. You're fucked. You have to ship in all your bullet belts and patches from El Salvador. Out on the West Coast every other day Wormrot is playing in LA, fucking Brocas Helm is playing Gilman or whatever it's called, blah fucking blah.
2nd one from left is 9th grade me
I was just talking to These a Beast, who lives in Jersey, about what shows we'd been to recently and it was downright scornful. The only show either of has had been to in the last month was the same goddamn show, one night apart from each other. Granted, it was Inquisition, and they fucking killed, but still. West Coast's got the labels, the communal groundswell, the bands, the venues, AND legal kush. It's like the metal is being handed to you on a silver plate; all you need to do is MOSH.
And don't get me started on Black Metal. How do you have all these awesome goddamn black metal bands on the West Coast? What do YOU know about Black Metal? Any 'banger worth his Nargaroth back patch knows Black Metal is all about winter, midnight vision quests through frost-choked ravines, taking your shirt off, and takin' a pic for the album cover. What does the West Coast know about winter? Where I'm from we're living an Immortal album 30% of the entire year while your metal bands are playing flutes around the bonfire, fucking celebrating the harvest, and yukking it up over a sack of northern lights.
er, we're not all like this, promise
(Speaking of New Jersey, that's probably the most metal places on the planet ain't it? Fuck sylven forests of primordial hardwoods and awe-inspiring ocean vistas, forget Norway...New Fucking Jersey man. It's basically built on top of toxic sludge and car parts. Anyone who elects to live there voluntarily earns their spike cuffs automatically.)
is more metal than
The East Coast always seems to get left out of conversations about metal (New Yorker notwithstanding), perhaps due to regional metal xenophobia, perhaps ignorance, perhaps its the smaller profiles of the bands, maybe a combination of all this. We gave you NYDM, Dio, Grief...the nascent scuzz-BM scene (see Mutilation Rites) is giving the Black Twilight Circle a run for their money IMHO...hell we've got Florida so right there we've buttoned up 90% of the American Death Metal legacy.
ANDMANOWAR
i know u like my layout skills
Now, I'm not saying we're completely infallible. In fact, we owe you a couple of apologies: namely Liturgy, the whole Savannah/Atlanta thing (seriously, what the fuck is up with the whole Kylesa/Baroness/Mastodon scene? can someone fill me in plz thx). We MIGHT be single-handedly responsible for metalcore also, now that I think about it. Whoops lol. I hereby apologise for all our past transgressions.
So anyway, yeah, this:
WEST COAST i detect your pose all the way from here
EAST COAST trve
I rest my case.
You are cordially invited to the ceremonial ribbon cutting of the brand-new, 230 acre IllCon East campus, featuring an exclusive Evoken and Cannibal Corpse showcase*, and we will vote on IllCon East's new charter. I hereby lay down the gauntlet, West Coast pussies. The metal world is overdue for a good beef with all the trimmings, don't you think? Infantile posturing in album intros, threats of violence via YouTube, all that. How great would that be? Minus the assassinations, Varg.
Someone requested some Lesbian the other day and I'm down with requests. I'm actually going to ask you guys for a few things pretty soon (actually, before I forget, HELM, can you post a link to a Xerxes album?).
Anyway, NWOABM from the NW. Doomy redwood BM for rainy days and all night drives. A super solid record.
(they have a relatively new split with Ocean that's out right now. a 12 min song from each band. pick it up somewhere if record stores still exist where you live)
I'll admit it. I listen to National Public Radio on a near-daily basis. Nothing turns my crank like the wry witticisms of Ira Glass, the keen insight of Terry Gross, or the cocksure baritone of Cy Musiker. "All Things Considered"? "Science Friday"? Never miss 'em. I'm not kidding. NPR 24-7. Ask Peter.
Right: Two fine examples of the type of dude that listens to NPR. Just out of frame: Me.
Which is why I was more than just a little surprised, humbled, confused, angry, and delighted when Brother Seanford informed me recently that NPR has an eye on IllCon. Did you miss it? Allow me to elaborate: Check out this article on NPR.org from June 2nd of this year, oddly titled "The Rocky Balboa Metal Montage Workout" (screencap below). The article, written by NPR staffer Lars Gotrich, offers 5 obscure-ish metal songs for your own personal Rocky-esque training montage, from Warlock in the 80's to a couple of modern bands. Prepare to get pumped:
Okay, great. Lars Gotrich (any relation to Ulrich?) thinks we should add some Christian Mistress to our "montage mix". But wait a minute. How does this guy even know about Christian Mistress? Easy. Seanford posted about this obscure band here on IC on April 29th, 2010. Is that too much of a leap of reasoning? Perhaps. But let's keep moving. Also featured on Mr. Gotrich's "Top 5" list is another semi-obscure band, the NWOBHM beer-guzzlers known as Tank. Gotrich claims that Tank's "Run Like Hell" (from the album Filth Hounds of Hades) is another must-have montage jam, which is just a little strange. After all, Tank's Filth Hounds was featured on Cosmic Hearse in mid-February. Now, I consider The Hearse to be a tight Bro of The Contraption, and I also consider the fact that Mr. Gotrich included both Tank and Christian Mistress in his article nigh unto EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE that he has been hanging out in our neck of the blogosphere. No leap of reasoning here. Pretty obvz, Lars. At least leave a comment or something next time. But there's more.
Whaaaaaa????? HUNTRESS??? That's right. Not only was the Huntress demo featured on IC on April 1st, but (spoiler alert) Seanford actually PLAYS DRUMS in this fucking band. Caught you red-handed, buddy. And that's not all. NPR must've had Manowar on the brain after reading THIS on IC March 19th, which explains their inclusion on the "Montage Mix" as well. The evidence is really stacking up, isn't it?
It's true. NPR is on our jock. Which is all fine and good, but they could at least give us a shout-out next time. I mean, they gave Stuff You Will Hate credit when and where it was due. Lars, if you're reading (AND I KNOW YOU ARE), just bear one thing in mind: I'll buy the fucking NPR tote bag or whatever next time the fund drive comes around. But are YOU willing to support the media outlets that quench YOUR thirst for METAL? Think about it, brother. I want to keep our relationship positive, here. Throw me a fucking bone next time.
Anyways, I thought it was only fair that I supply you all with my very own Illogical Contraption Metal Montage Mix as well, because, I mean, Huntress? Come on, NPR. You can do better than that. Here are some ill jams from the personal collection of Professor Cobras, absolutely guaranteed to build musculature as well as pump nads. Stuff this bad boy in your iPod next time you're at the gym, and bask in the glory of your newly-blasted abs. Get torqued!
We'll start things off slow, working our way up to the meaty stuff. First up is Viraemia, with their slow-burn groove jam "Cancrum Oris":
Nice. You should have a little bit of a sweat going right now, and your heart rate should be up just a tad. Time to really hit those reps. Let's work those lats to some Putrefying Cadaverment -- more specifically to their uplifting workout song "Surgically Decapitated":
Right on, nice work. Let's cool down with an old classic.
Now is the time to really find your groove. The simple structures, straightforward tempos, and rhythmic composition of Sleep Terror should do the trick. Something along the lines of "Somnambulist Pedophile":
Alright, time to bring it home. It's been a good workout. Allow yourself to relax and cool off with the mellow sounds of Noism. Hey look, this song even has "IC" in the title! "Man IC":
So a little while back Shelby introduced the IC readership to the fertile music scene of Olympia Washington (otherwise known as Santa Cruz North). A quiet NW town with an unreasonable amount of incredible bands. He first told you about pioneering noise artists Bedhead the Prophet (No Lord Shall Live) and expounded further by bringing you some fresh Karp. Actually, didn’t he also give you guys the Wolves in the Throne Room demo?
Although you might have your fill of Oly-metal right there, I have two hard-ons for this town, and I’m going take you a little deeper: Oly-metal round 2.
a basement is the preferred venue for any respectable oly-metal band
Lets go back to Deadhead the Profit. As mentioned in Shelby’s Karp post, Deadhead had a dude in it named Quitty, who with Jared from Karp (and later Big Business), formed Tight Bros From Way Back When. First off, that leaves out Dave. Another dude who was both in Deadhead AND Tight Bros and happens to be one of my favorite dudes of all time. But as far as I know we haven’t had any Tight Bro’s albums on here yet have we? Problem corrected.
notorious for making metal heads dance
So Jared went on to form the Biz. You may or may not like the Biz, I don’t really care. Jared’s an amazing singer, Cody shreds the drums, that’s all I ask. They'll have to fight Black Cobra for the title of best two piece since Atilla but 2 piece shreddery is another post all together. Their tour EPs are all excellent and their first two records are top notch. Truthfully, I’m not a fan of their new record, but whatever. Still a really rad band. Go here to keep an eye on their tour dates. Here is their first record (which I suspect I will be asked to take down - so buy it here).
Okay, done and done. So what happened to Dave and Quitty? Great question. They went on to form Nudity. Tripped out heavy jams, eternally surfing the cosmic winds. These guys are excellent. Their record is available on vinyl only with each cover beautifully hand silkscreened by Dave himself. Side one is the Olympia mix, side two is the Tim Green mix. You know Tim Green (but more on him in a future post). This album is extremely rare, and tragically, it is not available for download. Makes you want it pretty bad, huh? You'll have to get from them in person, this summer. Check their myspace next month when they post their tour dates (I wouldn't miss it).
you can't fuck with dave, he's an artist
Okay, we got the Nude dudes, where do we go from here? Let’s talk more about Dave. He happens to have a wonderful partner, a brutal face smashing wailer named Christine who fronted the awesome NW metal juggernaut Buried Blood. Anyone heard Buried Blood? They're not around anymore but chances are if you toured the NW in the last 5 years they were the best band you got to play with. They only released one EP, which I once scored a copy of after a show, but MY FUCKING VAN ATE IT. Dude, where the hell is that thing? If anyone has a copy of the Buried Blood EP or knows where it’s up for download, please, let us all know. You'll have to head over to their myspace to hear some songs, I'm jamming them right now (fully erect).
unfuckwithable
Now, what if this rad she-wailer found some dudes who played in a great crossover thrash band and started a new classic metal/NWOBHM band with those guys? That would be tru Oly-Metal. But first she needs to find said rad thrash band. Like, the dudes from FUNEROT, a band I’ve always thought IC would fall madly in love with. Lets see, robots, death, outer space, eating pizza, zombies, ect ect. This is youthful, good time thrash that I really think fits perfectly into the IC mission statement. INVASION FROM THE DEATH DIMENSION!
largest image i could find, sorry man
Also, (side note) these dudes have a brand new record which just came out and I'm dyign to get a copy of it. Anyone heard it? It's called And Then You Fucking Die, Man. It looks good. Somebody buy it.
Okay, so where are we now? The wailing female singer of Buried Blood hooked up with the young punks of Funerot to start an incredible traditional metal band called Christian Mistress. Now we get to the point of this whole post (finally). CHRISTIAN FUCKING MISTRESS. No myspace, no twitter account, just tape trading. My buddy Rubin plays drums in this band and he sent me this tape in the mail 2 years ago. It warms my heart every time I put it on, I cant even tell you.
You can get two songs off the tape EP right here.. They have a new 7” out right now (tapes are all gone, sorry). But you have to order one straight from their label. More information here. If you don’t order a 7” right now, you will be truly bummed. These guys are hitting the road this summer, catch them at the Hemlock in SF on June 19th. Other dates will probably be put up on the label website but youre going ot have to check back later on. Christian Mistress doesnt care if you go or not so they're not going to start a facebook event. But I'm your bro, and I would highly recomend you seek out Christian Misstress this summer.
Oh, one last thing. All 4 dudes in Christian Mistress run a legendary pizza shop in Olympia called Old School Pizza. Check out this epic mural they have on the side of the building. Best place in town to play a show, seriously.
Ahhh, the fertile, inbred music scene of Olympia, Washington. Many a wonderful band has emerged from this region, one of my personal favorites being the three-piece robo-metal unit known as Karp. Speaking in a linear fashion, it is easy to draw comparisons between Karp and the modern Melvins-worship two-piece Big Business. After all, both bands feature the same frontman (Jared) and their sounds are similar, albeit far from identical. But the story is much more complicated than that. After Karp disbanded in 1998, Jared formed the well-loved Tight Bros From Way Back When with Quitty from Behead The Prophet - No Lord Shall Live. Before and after the Tight Bros, he also played in The Whip, who counted amongst their ranks (for awhile) Joe Preston of Thrones fame. Unfortunately, The Whips' career was cut short by the death of drummer Scott Jerrigan, leaving an enormous potential unfulfilled. After The Whips, Jared formed the aforementioned Big Business, who were in turn semi-absorbed by The Melvins. Got that? OK great. Let's get back to the matter at hand. Karp (I've heard it stands for Kill All Racist Pricks, but who knows?) deliver some truly heavy lockstep rhythms, concise and repetitive but far from boring. Their sound is often described as "catchy" and "hook-laden", and I agree. But not in a completely "melodic" way. It's something weirder, something deeper. Check out "Forget The Minions" and "D+D Fantasy" to see what I mean.
Cumbersomely named after a Deicide song, Behead The Prophet - No Lord Shall Live were part of a large, healthy queercore/occult/punk/grindcore scene that blossomed in and around Olympia, Washington in the early-to-mid 90's. Their music was the beautiful catastrophe that occurs whenever punks decide to play metal: Absolute fucking chaos, basically, with songs rarely surpassing the one minute mark (in fact, the longest song on this 22-song album clocks on at 1:30). And did I mention that they had a violin player who would improvise/shred over every song (Michael Griffen, who passed away last year - R.I.P.)? This is a fucking sweet little record that everyone needs. The samples alone are worth the cover price. Don't believe me? Give it a listen and tell me I'm wrong.
Tripped-out avant garde black metal from Olympia, WA reminiscent of Deathspell Omega or Drudkh. The core of the band are brothers Nathan and Aaron Weaver, who I became acquainted with through their old band, The Hoodwinks. Some of the Hoodwinks also branched off to form Teen Cthulhu. Which leads me to wonder: Anyone out there know where I can get Hoodwinks jams in digital form? I've got a record I'd love to share with y'all but no way to get it from vinyl to mp3... Anyhow, Wolves In The Throne Room fucking RIP, and if you're the type of nerd who likes songs longer than 10 minutes about forests and elves and shit, this is definitely the demo for you. Kvlt as FUCK.