Jonah Hex V2 #18 "I Walk Alone"

Jonah Hex V2 #18 Jun '07

"I Walk Alone"
Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Val Semeiks - art, Bill Sienkiewicz - cover

A Bad Location for Peace and Quiet

Jonah has made camp in a forest, his back against a huge boulder and a fire with two rabbits roasting on a spit before him. Suddenly a woman, obviously being pursued, comes running out of the woods and pulls up short in front of Jonah. She drops to her knees and starts begging in a whisper for him to help her, men are after her. Jonah tells her to go away.

Just then five men ride up and the leader apologizes to Hex for Delilah bothering him. She's not in her right mind and she runs off from time to time. Hex asks why they have rifles and they explain it was because they were out bear hunting when they got word that she had run off. The leader tells the woman to come with him but she cowers behind Jonah. Jonah takes a stand and tells the men to leave her there for a bit. The leader, Somersby we learn, tells Hex that it a family matter and Jonah states that the woman can probably find her own way home.

Somersby makes it clear that unless Hex relents, there will be blood.Jonah turns to Delilah and tells her to start talking but all she can do is to continue to beg. Jonah grabs her by the arm and throws her to Somersby, who scoops her up and rides off. Delilah's screams for help fade off into the forest as Jonah turns back to his fire and finds that his supper is burnt to a crisp.

He throws the spit off into the brush and a huge grizzly (Ursa Fleisher) pops up out of the woods.

Jonah fires two shots, drilling the beast in each eye. Later that night, Jonah is resting on the gutted carcass of the beast, feasting upon its roasted innards. Jonah pulls out a harmonica and starts playing a few notes. Suddenly he whips out his pistol, pointing to a noise in the darkness. It is, once again, Delilah, who collapses by the fire, mumbling "Not my husband". Jonah replies, "Tell mu sumthin' I don't know."

The Gory Details

The moonlight highlights Jonah and Delilah riding double across a meadow and Delilah finally starts spilling the details of how she was part of a wagon train when they were bushwhacked by Somersby and his men and the tale eventually ends with the revelation that Somersby's gang are cannibals.

Just then Jonah hears horses and turns to see thirteen men appear on the edge of the meadow, riding full bore. Hex spurs his mount on and Delilah reaches forward and grabs Hex's pig-sticker and attempts to stab Jonah. Jonah turns, grabs her by the wrist, flips her off the horse and drags her alongside. She continues begging, saying they were gonna kill her little sister but Jonah doesn't buy it and drops her. As she tumbles along she ends up falling on the knife.

Jonah wheels his horse around, grabs his rifle and opens fire on Somersby's men. One by one they fall until Jonah puts lead into Somersby's shoulder, knocking him from the saddle. Somersby is kneeling in the darkness as Jonah approaches, relating the tale of cannibalism. Somersby gets to his feet and says that she is lying, that she is his wife. Delilah starts screaming "LIAR!" and stabs him repeatedly in the chest. Somersby bits her wrist in an attempt to halt the thrusts but she continues to savage him and then falls, spent, upon his corpse.

Joanh, from atop his horse, asks is she is feeling revenged and then dismounts and starts collecting the wallets of the men and pulling the cash out. Finally Delilah dies and Jonah walks over and pulls a locket from around her neck. Within are two pictures, one of Delilah and another of a young girl. It starts to rain to which Jonah responds..

and rides off.

The Cold Hard Facts

Jonah comes upon a very large cabin with a detached smokehouse. He enters the smokehouse and finds the gutted remains of a man on the butcher table. He heads toward the cabin, kicking in the door to discover several women and children seated at a table, ready to eat a hot stew in a large pot. Jonah demands to know where the men are and one woman states that all the men left to get her sister because she has ran off once again. Jonah gives for another revelation and... well, rather than tell ya, I'll show ya...

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed By Jonah - 12
Running Total - 617 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 125 V2)
Jonah's Injuries - None
Timeline - This issue covers one late afternoon and night
Rape Percentage - 38% (7 out of 18) 

I didn't care much for Semieks artwork but upon rereading it really fits this story. For some odd reason I enjoy stories where Jonah makes a mistake, even though it can have horrible consequences. This one was written so that we were in the same boat as Jonah, not knowing who was telling the truth, who was crazy, who was evil, who was helpless. In the end, we learn that we, along with Hex, came to the wrong conclusion and are left to ponder how we would have responded to what occurred.

Also, Jonah has a few interesting sidebars with God, which is leading me to start a new series next week.

Next Issue: Well, #19 posted quite some time ago, so you can go there and read that. #20 will contain wolves, vultures and things that are worse

Weird Western Tales #71 "And the South Shall Rise Again

Weird Western Tales #71 Mar 2010
"And the South Shall Rise Again"
Dan Didio, story - Renato Arlem, art - Bill Sienkiewicz, cover - Mike Carlin, editor

I know I'm jumping out of my regular order for reviewing but I have to get this done. I have one word for this issue.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRGGGHHGHGHGH
HHAARARARARARAAAGGGHHGHGHGHHH


First, Ranato Arlem is the artist? Oh, GAWD how I love to hate this man. I'm ready to fire up the scanner even before I open the book in anticipation of the Colorforms work that he does. So let's see how it goes.

Opening shot is of a graveyard is what is clearly Monument Valley, however, the text says "Here in the South..." WTF?!?!?! Let me be the first to state that Ranato Arlem is a dumbass and figured that since HE has never been outside his basement and has no idea what "the South" looks like and since he is drawing a "western" he'll trace a Western photo and convince all of us that it is in the South.

Also, let me be the first to state that Mike Carlin, editor, is an even BIGGER dumbass for allowing an error this size to get through to the printer. AND while I'm at it, let me toss Dan Didio onto the Dumbass truck since he is not only the writer but he's the HEAD OF D-FRIGGIN-C COMICS!!!!

So, the story starts with a man placing flowers on the grave of Quentin Turnbull and then getting a cell phone call. He is angry and rides back to the town of Illumination "the South's best & brightest". Now the town of Illumination, not only sits clearly in Monument Valley, it also consists solely of fakefront western town buildings, like what you see in WESTERNS!!!!



Anyway, we're now on page three and I have only seen two instances of photocopying (alert the authorities!!). The man rides his horse into town, dismounts and starts talking to Alicia, a woman in a lab coat. They run into a saloon and then enter a weird futuristic elevator (guarded by men with rocket launchers!) and descend, talking about someone who is bringing something to them. During this we learn the man is Joshua Turnbull, the great-great-grandson of Quentin Turnbull. (that noise you hear is my head asploding!! I'll cover THIS later)

They get off the elevator and are greeted by Simon Stagg, the Ray, and a bunch of Stagg's flunkies. It seems that the Ray has picked up one of the black rings (he found it on Don Hall's grave), encased it in light and brought it here so that Joshua Turnbull can unlock the mighty power in the ring. Seems that Stagg has financed Turnbull in the hope of finding alternative fuel sources and even "put it close to your family home for inspiration." Is he talking about Richmond, Virginia? You know, where MONUMENT VALLEY IS?!?!?!?

Anyway, Stagg leaves The Ray and Turnbull with the ring "a half mile underground with concrete & steel-reinforced walls." And then they start getting some weird power fluctuations and a guard comes running in stating that the rings are falling everywhere. In a huge action scene (snort) the wall caves in and the dead come stomping in and Scalphunter shouts that he hates every white man (even though he himself is white) and starts taking scalps.

The Ray is able to hold off several of the Civil War dead but then the Trigger Twins show up along with Super-Chief. A Stagg flunky is able to grab the black ring and get it to Turnbull right before Firehair rips out the flunky's heart. Turnbull and Alicia take off down the hall just as The Ray puts out a huge blast of light (does he die? How should we know? Didio is writing this!)

Turnbull, being the southern gentleman, realizes that something is coming down the hall toward them so he rings for the elevator and then shoves Alicia out into the hall just as the doors close. Alicia turns and is face to face with Black Bat Lash, who rips the heart from her chest.


Topside, Turnbull grabs a rocket launcher from the hands of a dead guard and heads out into the street. There he is confronted by the Black Jonah Hex who demands the ring from Turnbull. Joshua lifts the rocket launcher and fires, bringing down the entire church that Hex is in front of. Joshua starts gloating that he finally defeated Hex and that the Turnbull's have always been "a whipping dog ever since you killed Quentin Turnbull." (where the hell did THAT come from?)

Of course, Hex being Hex and undead and all, he survives and comes out of the burning church and starts shooting at Turnbull, winging him in the leg. Turnbull is laying on the ground, Hex standing over him asking what would Quentin Turnbull think of Joshua. That is answered when Black Quentin Turnbull himself shows up. Joshua pleads to Quentin to help stop Hex but Quentin suddenly draws a pistol and shoots Joshua dead.

Statistics for this Issue
Men killed by Jonah - 0
Jonah Injuries - Hell, he's DEAD!!
Timeline - 2010

Blech! A stupid stupid throwaway crossover event story that doesn't matter a hill of beans in the DCU. However, we DO learn a few things:

1. Quentin Turnbull obviously had other children besides Jeb (I'm not sure if Quentin ever referred to Jeb as his only son but I'll check)
2. Damn near everyone in the DCU west is buried outside Richmond, Virginia not too far from MONUMENT VALLEY!
3. Jonah Hex ends up killing Quentin Turnbull.
   
4. Joshua Turnbull appears out of nowhere, financed by Simon Stagg to find alternative fuels. Wow, talk about tying up loose ends in the DCU (not).
5. Arlem can actually make it through a whole book with only two photocopies!
   
6. Jonah Hex, somehow, somewhere, finally gets a funeral and buried.

This whole thing was a waste except for the cover and the zombiefied Bat Lash & Jonah Hex.
I just hope that this doesn't play into the Zombie-Confederacy-resurrected-by-Turnbull crap that is plaguing the Jonah Hex movie.

UPDATE: After reading some comments by Susan Hillwig I have to agree that this doesn't prove that Jonah is finally buried. The way the rings are working, they appear to be pulling corpses from wherever they may be and transporting them to wherever they need to be. So #6 should be struck from the list.