HEX #16 "The Slayer and the Slave!"

Hex #16 Dec 1986
"The Slayer and the Slave!"
Michael Fleisher, story - Keith Giffen and Carlos Garzon, art - Denys Cowan and Carlos Garzon, cover

Jonah has been captured and is now part of the slave labor in the camp that belongs to the Visitor From the Future. Having had enough, Jonah grabs a rock and attempts to bash in the head of one of the guards. But this only gets him pummeled by half a dozen guards.

Meanwhile, Stiletta has visited a doctor to learn the reason behind her sudden attacks. He tells her that her symptoms indicate that the mind control drugs are very slowly working their way out of her system. However, he has also located a 'booster' cell implanted in her and that accounts for her great strength and speed. He says that he can remove it but just then three thugs bust in and demand drugs from the doctor. Stiletta jumps into action, crushing one thug with a roof beam (I think, I'm not sure), she throws a knife completely through the second thug and it appears that she snaps the third thug in half. Stiletta decides to keep the implant.

Jonah is now being held in a cell, but he reveals that during the beating, he manages to lift an electronic key off one of the guards. He figures out how to work it and manages to unlock all of the cells in the compound. So there is a huge jailbreak and during the confusion, Jonah decides to not run with the crowd and hides in a drainage pipe until all the commotion dies down.

Meanwhile, in the far far far flung future, the Xxggs have figured out that the Visitor From the Future has escaped their clutches and is now in the past (yet still, our future). They dispatch a liquidation team to hunt down S'ven Tarah (so THAT'S his name!).

Back to Jonah Hex. He is still hiding in the drain pipe when a guard comes by and Jonah jumps out and tries to clean the guard's clock. Jonah and the guard battles it out with Jonah winning .

Stiletta? She has left the mining town and headed toward the slave camp in an attempt to locate Jonah. Once she sneaks in, she has one of her attacks and with her super strength, beats the ever-loving snot out of the guards. However, this raises an alarm and several hundred guards are dispatched to the area. Oddly enough, one of the guards has a terrible scar.

Appears that Jonah has donned the suit of the guard to beat up and he now is wandering the compound and comes across the giant starship that S'ven Tarah is building. Sadly, he also comes across the Starkad, the Viking from the Dogs of War. They fight, fight, fight, with Jonah taking most of the damage until Jonah douses him with gasoline and threatens him with a flamethrower (holy, Jonah Hex movie tie-in!!)

Suddenly Stanley Harris appears and sets everything right, introducing everyone all around.

Meanwhile, someplace in the darkness we see what appears to be a vehicle driving down the road. An alien looking arm appears, people scream, confusion reigns and we head for the next issue.

Statistics for this Issue

Men Killed by Jonah - 0 (this is getting old!)
Running Total - 478 (428 past, 50 future)
Jonah's Injuries - Crap beat outta him twice
Timeline - Again, no idea. A day? A week? phhggt

While there was plenty of action, this issue is like watching Raiders of the Lost Ark with my glasses off. Sounds like a lot happening, but I can't see a damn thing. Two issues to go!!

Next Issue: Fighting! Explosions! Tears! Anti-Climax!

Hex #13 "The Dogs of War"

Hex #13 Sept 1986
"The Dogs of War"
Michael Fleisher, story - Mark Texeira and Carlos Garzon, art - Denys Cowan and Rick Magyar

Batman's Bat-plane has just taken a header into the river and the Terminators are destroyed, leaving Jonah Hex on the riverbank about to jump in to rescue Batman. Hex dives in to the murky river and locates the Bat-plane but finds no evidence of Batman's body. He is suddenly attacked by two scuba-diving thugs, knocked unconscious and dragged away underwater.

Three thousand miles away (presumably outside Seattle) the Road Reapers are bearing down on a water convoy and as they start their attack the Reapers (and we as well) are treated to the sight of these fellas!!!!

Yeah, it's a giant spacecraft that unloads a flying giant Manta Ray, a Ninja, a Viking, and a Roman Centurion and the spaceship is piloted by Stanley Harris. All of these guys have bullet-proof armor and make short work of the Reapers, especially when the Centurion throws force blasts from his hands, the Manta Ray shoots paralyzing lasers from his eyes, and the Ninja turns into a gigantic Oni (demon). The spaceship lands and the captured Road Reapers are loaded onto the ship and taken away.

Jonah regains consciousness to find himself in a wooden cage hanging from the ceiling. Two very barbaric looking goons are heating up a large kettle and are talking about cooking Jonah Hex up to make some Hexcellent stew. (hee hee, my joke, not theirs. Hey! I think it's the first time in 4 years I've made that pun). Jonah, not one to be gnawed on, grabs his knife, cuts the rope holding the cage and the entire thing falls on the goons, breaking open and knocking them into the fire.

Jonah makes tracks through what appears to be a sewer system and finally ends up on the bank of the river, free for now.

Back to the giant spaceship with the captured Road Reapers, we find that the ship has arrived at a huge area that appears to be some sort of prison work camp. The Reapers recognize some of the other workers as being from rival gangs and it slowly dawns on them that they are now slaves!

Jonah finally makes it back into town and recovers his motorcycle and ends up back at the Kit Kat Klub to find Stiletta. He grabs both pistols and kicks the door in only to find out that it is now and respectable restaurant. Jonah is fairly confused until he recognizes one of the workers as the referee from the fight. Jonah drags him over to a console with a ton of buttons and Jonah mashes the correct button that turns the restaurant back into the Kit Kat Klub, sliding back a wall to reveal the huge arena. Jonah demands to know where Stiletta is and the referee tells him that Stiletta is probably with Austin and Ingalls, owners of the Klub, and part of the Combine, the group that killed Batman.

That allows us to quickly transition to a meeting of the Combine that is just breaking up. Two men, we can assume Austin and Ingalls, are leaving the building and approach their limo. When they get in they find their limo driver naked and tied up in the back seat and Jonah Hex in the driver's seat. Jonah pulls out a pistol, demanding to know where Stiletta is. One of the men pushes a button that opens up a compartment holding a pistol. The man grabs it and Jonah plugs him square between the eyes. Jonah tromps the gas and takes off in the limo and a bodyguard orders several thugs on cycles to give chase.

Back at the slave camp we see a strange shadowy figure floating within a large building full of video screens. The figure speaks of how slowly the process is going but at least things are moving along, thanks to his Dogs of War. When the light shines on the figure, it appears to be an alien!

Statistics for this Issue

Men Killed by Jonah: Looks to be three. One shot and two burned alive.
Running Total: 477 (428 past, 49 future)
Jonah's Injuries: Beat up and knocked out.
Timeline: Immediately after last issue so not even a day passes during this issue.

Wow. I think right about here is where I started losing interest in this book. Yup, this is the book that jumped the shark for me. I can take Jonah in the future with some of the sci-fi stuff, but the space ships, aliens, and everything else thrown in here, was just too much. Of course, we only have about five more issues left.

The search for Stiletta and the Combine/Conglomerate is a storyline that interests me and I wish we could have stuck along those lines. Texeira's work is still good, but the inking and coloring kind of muddy everything up. Also, Hex was never printed on white Mondo paper so it really suffers from the coloring process.

It's gonna be hard to get through these next issues. I'll just be honest with ya. But I think it will be kind of like a band-aid, I should just rip it off and get the pain over with.

Next Issue: Jonah Hex vs. Stiletta in a fight to the death!!!

Hex #11 "Night of the Bat"

HEX #11 July 1986
"Night of the Bat"
Michael Fleisher, story - Mark Texeira and Carlos Garzon and Pablos Marcos, art - Denys Cowan and Dick Giordano, cover

Remember waaaay back when in issue 10 that those flying motorcycle things were shooting at Jonah? Well it turns out that they're some sort of hovercraft and Jonah Hex is being targeted because Mabel wants her guns back. But of course the guys sent to do Mabel's dirty work have made two mistakes:

1. They went after Jonah Hex.
2. They are using something that can be shout out of the sky.

And of course, Jonah does just that, nailing one machine but suddenly another hovercraft comes swinging along and blows the bejesus out of the other thug. It then lands and the guys inside present Jonah with the bloody outfit of Stiletta's.

JUMP CUT!!!

Deep underneath the ruins of the Needle, Reinhold Borsten is clawing his way through the rubble when he hears someone else digging DOWN towards him. It turns out to be Kinglet. Hmm, Kinglet? Kinglet? I THINK he's a doctor or a flunky. I'll check and get back to you later. ANYWAY, Kinglet has found Borsten and he is wearing an airtank and a mask. He tells Borsten that they will have to share the airtank but they can make it back to the surface. Borsten grabs the air mask, whips out a pistol and kills Kinglet. Borsten then dons the airtank and as he claws his way to the surface he mentally vows that he will make Jonah Hex suffer for having caused Kinglets death. Wow, I thought Quentin Turnbull was one twisted dude.

Back in the city, Jonah is riding in a hovo with his new 'friends' who are showing him a video of some shadowy figure whipping Stiletta. The new 'friends' print off a photo of the assailant so Jonah can find him...

Now we are in New York city and seeing it through an infrared lens and via a zoom lens we see a thug toting a pistol. That, in and of itself, is enough to throw this man into action...

That's right, it is the Batman of 2050 and New York City has a no gun rule that he upholds. Batman beats the living crap out of the smugglers and then blows up all the weaponry that the smugglers were bringing into the city. He jumps into his Batplane and returns to his secret lair deep within the Statue of Liberty. It is then that we are treated to a ..

FLASHBACK ORIGIN!!!!

Five short years ago (2045) Batman was a world-class gymnast and a doctoral candidate in Criminology at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York. He idolized Batman and finally figured out that Batman was really Bruce Wayne and had actually discovered the original Batcave. He was in the Batcave when the missiles were launched. He survived the war and missed the madness that ensued.

Both of his parents also survived. His mother, Miram Cohen, was a rabbi and was a proponent of gun control. His father, Kenneth Cohen was a top level disarmament negotiator under three administrations. Sadly, they were of two groups that were targeted in the new mob mentality, Jews and Gun control advocates. One evening, they were gunned down and therefore the new Batman was born.
END OF FLASHBACK ORIGIN!!!!

The next afternoon, deep in the heart of New York in a fortified headquarters we see some very large robots withstand lasers, huge titanium hammers and other dangers. The owners of the robots are pitching them as new 'enforcers' for NYC. Sadly, all of the firepower that the robots were to have has been destroyed by the Batman. The owners are telling their clients, the Municipal Welfare Council, that the robots will be unable to fulfill the order until the Batman is gone. Who should control crime in this town, a vigilante or the people?

That night, Jonah Hex is dropped of in the slums by his new 'friends'. Jonah, not knowing who or what Batman is, and not knowing of the Batman's rule, boldly walks through town with his pistol strapped to his hip. It doesn't take long for Batman to locate Jonah and swoop down, starting a fight. Of course, Jonah recognizes the man who beat Stiletta and is more than happy to take on the caped man.

Batman is able to disarm Hex and take his pistols. Then Batman flies off but Jonah isn't finished. Grabbing his knife, Hex throws it and manages to pierce Batman's cape and damage the anti-grav disc that gives Batman flight. Batman plummets onto a nearby rooftop and Jonah makes tracks up the fire-escape and continues the fight. Batman grabs Jonah and flips him over the edge of the roof, but Jonah grabs Batman and drags him over the edge with him. Of course, they both are now falling to their deaths....

Statistics for this issue

Men Killed by Hex - 1 in the rotor-bike
Running Total - 474 (428 past, 46 future)
Jonah's Injuries - None
Timeline - This issue starts and the end of the prior issue and then we have one day pass. That would mean that we are now end on day 16 of Jonah in the future. Wow, That's a busy two weeks for anybody!

If I have to accept that Jonah Hex is part of the DCU (and I don't want to) this is a fun story. Hex is a pawn and gets suckered into the fight with Batman. This version of Batman, while understandable in his mission, kinda tosses aside the stuff he should have been learning in college about the Constitution and decides to take everything into his own hands. Granted, the 'law' is now the Conglomerate (aka The Mob), but it appears that he has no forward vision of rebuilding a society that can govern itself.

And of course, we get Jonah Hex in New York so what is not to love? This issue gets a thumbs up.

Next Issue: Will Jonah get his pistols back? Will he survive that fall from the roof? Find out and watch the fireworks when the giant robots get involved and everything gets blown all to hell.

Hex #3 "The Lotus Eaters!"

Hex #3 Nov 1985
"The Lotus Eaters!"
Michael Fleisher, story - Mark Texeira and Carlos Garzon, art - Denys Cowan and Klaus Janson, cover

Jonah has stolen a motorcycle in his escape from the Needle and is currently being pursued by a hovercraft and two other motorcycles. Jonah bravely guns the bike and jumps across a gorge and his two cycle pursuers are unable to make the leap. The hovercraft is closing in and the pilot is reporting his status to Needle HQ when Jonah unlimbers his pistol and with two shots quickly dispatches the pilot into the great beyond.

Jonah rides for quite some time across the desert wasteland of Washington state and finally comes across a town (if you can call it that). There are several people in the street and on the sidewalks who have set up charcoal grills and are sitting next to them in a state of stupor. However, there are a few thugs of sound mind who realize that Jonah's bike would be worth several thousand soames. Three of them decide to take on Hex and steal the bike.

A fight ensues but we are able to watch the fisticuffs not only from our vantage point, but also that of the folks laying in the street. Through their drug induces stupor the fight appears to be either two large rams butting heads or clowns boxing in a circus ring. Jonah knocks out the last of the crooks just as a hovercraft lands. A slightly overweight man in a horrendous yellow shirt jumps out, introduces himself as Barnaby Blossom and offers to help Jonah escape from the gathering crowd.

Jonah takes him up on his offer and Blossom explains that he deals in lotus blossom.

Suddenly we are in a swamp with Germans and Frenchmen from WWI facing off. The French open up with their cannons, blowing the Germans to smithereens. We are then treated to a wide angle view where we see a large glass dome on a nearby mountain. The dome contains Reinhold Borsten and several of his guests who are betting on the outcome of the battle below. The Germans retaliate with poison gas and the French don their gasmasks (and put masks on their horses) and charge back into battle.

One of the men, Conroy, identifies himself as the chief of the Conglomerate's chemical entertainment division and he is wondering why the promised attraction, Jonah Hex, is absent. Borsten explains that there has been some technical difficulties. I should also note here, that all of the guests are high ranking administrators for the Conglomerate.(more on that later)

Meanwhile, Hex and Blossom are making tracks across the skies. Blossom says that he could use someone to ride shotgun to help him get his shipments through. Blossom explains that he peddles Lotus-Blossom Pacifier, it has these incredible powers to make folks forget their troubles for a little while.

Suddenly several large grappling hooks fly up in front of the hovercraft, attempting to pull it from the sky. It's a band of roving hijackers, looking to take the shipment. A net gets shot over the hovercraft and Blossom hands a shotgun to Jonah. A couple of quick rounds later and the winches on the hijacker's trucks and shot to hell and Blossom and Hex escape.

Back at the Needle, Borsten is ranting and raving about trying to complete his soames project while surrounded by idiots. Suddenly he collapses and the doctor orders that Borsten be taken to the rejuvenation bubble, stat. The doc says that Borsten's ongoing travels require that he spend more and more time in the bubble.

Some time later, Blossom and Hex land in another town. Blossom says that he's gonna show Hex the ropes and he hands Hex an air breather, while donning his own. They tote several bags of lotus out of the hovercraft and start a fire, tossing the lotus into the growing blaze. Several locals show up and stand in the rolling smoke. Blossom says that the best way to expand his territory is to give away the first few bags of lotus and he's forced to do it because the Conglomerate is always upping his quotas.

Jonah notices a young boy wandering off, muttering that he is the birdman. The boy is heading for a huge pit. Jonah yells a warning, but  the boy pays no heed. Jonah pulls out his knife, cuts a nearby rope, fashions a lariat, lassos a girder and swinging, grabs the boy just as he topples over the edge.

Once Jonah gets the boy to safety he has determined that Blossom is a dangerous man. Hex grabs a huge tarp from a junkpile and tosses it on the fire, extinquishing it. Blossom goes nuts with rage, ripping Jonah's mask off and then making a run for the hovercraft. As Blossom takes off, Jonah starts suffering the effects of the Lotus smoke but is able to jump onto the top of the craft as it lifts off.

Blossom tries to shake Hex off, but Jonah ends up crashing through the sunroof. Blossom pulls out a crossbow, but Hex delivers a right hook. Blossom hands back an uppercut and Jonah pulls some quick ISB-Fu (aka kick to the head). Blossom staggers backwards into the hovercraft controls, causing the craft to flip, throwing Blossom out the busted sun roof.

Blossom plummets to his death, but slams into a building girder. He manages to hang on, screaming for help from the drug addled crowd below. However, they are having delusions and are of no help at all. Blossom slips and falls to his death.

Meanwhile, Jonah is still in the hovercraft and the whole thing is completely out of control, with the ground rushing upwards....

Statistics for This Issue

Men killed by Jonah - 4
Running Total - 445 (428 past, 17 future)
Jonah's Injuries - Just a fistfight or two, no big deal
Timeline - Looks like this is day two of Jonah's time in the future.


I wasn't all that thrilled with this issue. We learn what Borsten is doing with all the armies from the past, however that are still several things unexplained: soames, why Borsten needs the rejuvenation bubble, what is the Conglomerate, what happened to Harris? This advanced the story (via mysteries) enough to keep you coming back for the next issue, but as far as action, it was kinda lame and limping along.


Next Issue: (Mr. Fleisher, will you do the honors?) The Worms crawl in, The Worms crawl out, The Worms eat your guts and spit them out!! (Yup, that was at the bottom of the last page)