Hex #18 "Thanksgiving"

Hex #18 Feb 1987
"Thanksgiving"

Michael Fleisher, story - Keith Giffen and Carlos Garzon, art and cover

An undisclosed amount of time after last issue, we find Jonah Hex and Stiletta on their motorcycle, plowing across a snow-covered countryside. Stiletta mentions that Mookie and Vance are cooking up a good Thanksgiving dinner, so she hopes Jonah is hungry. Jonah think it's odd that she can find anything to be thankful for in the sinkhole that the future is.

Just then a shot rings out, knocking Jonah off the bike and throwing Stiletta into a snowbank as the bike crashes. It appears that there are some structures around and Jonah takes cover behind one of them. Stiletta makes her way to Jonah's side, dodging the ongoing gunfire as she does.  She looks at Jonah's injury (we don't because Keith Giffen obviously hadn't drawn his way out of the wet paper bag yet to be able to show us anything understandable) and Jonah states that there is no way he can ride the bike to safety.  He tells Stiletta that she will have to go get help and reluctantly she takes off on foot.

Jonah starts looking for a place to hide and smashes in a basement window and crawls down inside the basement. We then see that there are three gunmen who are looking for Hex. They find blood drops in the snow and follow them to the broken window. They crawl down into the darkness and then they notice the smell...and the fuel hose coming in from the window. As the truth dawns on them, Jonah, who is now outside, tosses his lit cigar into the window, blasting the three gunmen right up to God's front door.

Jonah collapses into the snow, bleeding as heavily as ever and his mind races back into the past. Jonah is ten years old and is forced into a boy fight by his father. We see Jonah getting pummeled all because his father wanted to use the prize money for whiskey.

A loud pounding brings Jonah back into the present and he sees that six more gunmen have shown up, looking for the first three. Jonah makes tracks for another building as the new guys locate the remains of their comrades. They also see the blood spatters being left by Jonah and start searching. Jonah, in his hiding place has another flashback, this time to when he found a small raccoon and kept it as a pet. Back in the present, the thugs split up and one of them checks the shed that Jonah is in. as he pokes around in the dark, Jonah steps out of the shadows and slides a knife through his ribs.

The dying thug makes the smallest of sounds, but his buddies hear just enough to head to the shed to investigate. They bust down the door and find their dead friend. They see a hole in the wall and assume that Jonah has headed out that way and give chase. Jonah, however, is still in the shed and slowly slips into another recollection, this time about Thanksgiving dinner where Jonah and family, unbeknown to one of them, consumed the family pet raccoon. This leads to a fight between Jonah and Woodson, with Papa Hex using the Backhand-Beltstrap Combo that was outlawed in Street Fighter 7.

Jonah comes back to his present troubles, bleeding still, and tries to move from his hiding spot, only to stagger and collapse once again. Shortly thereafter, the gunmen, realizing that they can't find Hex and decide to doubleback. They find him on the floor of the shed and prod his body with their foot. A pistol pops up in Jonah's hand and two gunmen show up early for their appointment with St. Peter of Pearly Gate fame.

A third gunman gets his act together, draws his weapon and Jonah barely whispers "Better hang it up while you're still ahead, right?" The gunman turns to see Stiletta and a small army getting ready to use the remaining gunmen as target practice. The gunmen drop their weapons as Vance, the doctor rushes forward to tend to Jonah. They quickly get Jonah back to Vance's place.

Vance's place is a huge warehouse, location unknown and we next see Jonah is some sort of hoverchair, not as cool as Metron's but a step up from Niles Caulder. He is in a healing body stocking that not only monitors vitals be released meds in appropriate doses. Vance explains that all Jonah has to do is think and the chair will go where he wants to go. It seems that Mookie, Vance's wife, collects amusement park antiques, several of them from the early 20th century. Jonah's chair goes gliding through the collection as Jonah sees 'antiques' that are completely new to him.

Past the bumper cars and merry-go-round horses Jonah finally comes across...

He thinks that someone had made a statue of him after he got old but then he realizes that it isn't a statue, but a stuffed human. He recognizes his own dragoons and sits in silence, staring at his own corpse. Finally, one thought travels through his mind "Ah guess it means ah'll be goin' back home one day... after all."

The issue closes with Stiletta finding Jonah sitting in the dark.

Statistics for this Issue

Men Killed by Jonah - 5
Running Total - 483 (428 past, 55 future)
Jonah's Injuries - Apparently gutshot and almost bled out.
Timeline - There is no way to determine how much time passed between last issue and this, but it appears that this issue takes place in only one day.

And this is how it ends. The incredibly sad horrific life of a scarred man, far from home and unable to return, is brought to some sort of circle where the end turns back onto the middle. It makes me wonder what Jonah's viewpoint was after that. Did he have a concept that every day could be his last, once he returned to his present, and he was more cautious? Did he think that he had nothing to fear in the future and became even more reckless there? And as postulated elsewhere, (By Ms. Hillwig, I believe) what went through Jonah's mind in 1904 when Lew Farnham held up that exact same cowboy suit for Jonah to see, almost like the Death itself grabbing you by the shoulder and spinning you around?

All in all, a so-so issue. Giffen's artwork was actually helped by the addition of white space between the frames, but in some places the weird angles, overuse of ziptone, and using color to provide artistic detail rendered the work on par with Bobo the Incredible Painting Monkey (Ya know, the monkey with a glass eye and a hook for a hand whose other arm got mangled in that automatic banana peeler accident that the zoo tried to cover up. Yeah, THAT monkey). In the flashbacks, Fleisher got some of his own details wrong as if he were working from memory, much like Jonah, but unlike Jonah, I don't think Fleisher was suffering from blood loss. I do have to admit that the last four pages of the book are worth double the price of admission, so I would suggest that you grab a copy if you can. (When was the last time THAT was ever said about a copy of HEX?).

18 issues of the bounty hunter thrown into the future comes to a close. Was it worth it? Or should they have just left Jonah in the past, never to see his own corpse?

The issue is closed out with a letters page, the last letter by T.M. Maple himself.

Next Up: Ten short months later and Secret Origins presents us with the Secret Origin of Jonah Hex.

Hex #17 "The War with the Xxggs"

Hex #17 Jan 1987
"The War with the Xxggs"

Michael Fleisher, story - Keith Giffen and Carlos Garzon, art and cover

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT OOOOPS KABLAMMMM Tear drop.

Oh. You want MORE detail than that? ooooooooooookay. Hang on, cuz here we go!

Jonah Hex, our scar-faced time-displaced bounty hunter is the topic of conversation between S'ven Tarah and Stanley Harris. S'ven is astonished at how much havoc Jonah was able to cause when suddenly the guard drones drag Stiletta into the room. Stiletta is surprised to see Harris since she thought he went back to the past right before the Needle explosion. She takes out the guard drones and then I have no idea what happens. Don't believe me? YOU tell me what is going on in these three panels.

Meanwhile, three Xxggs are running loose through the compound, searching for S'ven Tarah. They also have these floating sidekicks (ala Skeet) by they appear to be organic and shoot and horrific power blast, at least that what I THINK is happening in these three panels.

Currently S'ven Tarah has realized that the Xxggs are in the compound and he has 30 minutes before he can launch his spaceship that will signal the future destruction of the Xxggs race. The Dogs of War offer to battle the Xxggs but S'ven reminds them that five of them are required to properly man the spaceship if its mission is to be successful. If even one of the Dogs of War perish, Earth (in the future) is doomed. S'ven decides to dispatch his guard drones to slow down the Xxggs to buy time until liftoff. The Dogs of War, along with Jonah Hex and Stiletta, take off for the spaceship.

During the quick race across the compound, Jonah asks if anyone can bring him up to speed. Harris explains S'ven's plan to alter the genetic makeup of the Xxggs race in this current time and the genetic weakness will snowball until the Xxggs can be defeated in the far flung future. Jonah replies that he is still in the dark on what is going on.

You and me both, Jonah, you and me both.

Across the compound, the Xxggs encounter the guard drone army and quickly dispatch the several hundred of them. S'ven, realizing that the Xxggs have not been slowed down enough does the only thing he can. He releases all of the prisoners, the criminals and the innocents that he enslaved, provides them with weapons and allows them to encounter the Xxggs. Thousands of slaves are released and when they encounter the aliens, they fight bravely, but are slaughtered en mass.

With time running out and the Xxggs having the run of the compound, S'ven orders the Dogs of War to fight the Xxggs to prevent the destruction of the spaceship, however, none of them may fall in combat. The Dogs of War embark from the skycraft that are using to get across the compound (when did they get into THAT?!?!?) leaving Jonah and Stiletta to their own devices. Jonah roots around the ship and finds a jacket that somewhat fits.

The Centurion encounters the first Xxgg and it's sidekick and blasts it with enough energy to "level half of Rome" but the aliens are unfazed and the Centurion has to retreat.

Harris encounters a Xxgg next and using his chronal aging powers quickly ages a huge wall, causing it to collapse on the Xxgg, but the alien is able to blast its way free and Harris beats a hasty retreat.

The Ninja is next up and with the swiftness of his blade is able to slice one of the sidekicks in half but there is some sort of explosion and a wall collapses and falls on him, crushing him. One of the sidekicks is laughing a hideous laugh when a huge arm jets up from the rubble and squishes the sidekick. It is the Demon that lives within the ninja. The demon states that he is sworn to forever thwart the ninja's hope of an honorable death and then retreats back into the ninja. As the Ninja realizes what has happened, we here the Demon state "Effortlessly could I destroy all your enemies if I chose, little ninja, but give me one good reason why I should."

Then we see....wait one cotton picking minute. The Demon could kill all the aliens but won't? The demon is sworn to protect the Ninja from an honorable death? Then why the hell didn't the ninja head out and take on the aliens all by himself? That would be an honorable death and the demon would HAVE to protect him and destroy the aliens. I ain't no ninja and I could get that demon to do MY dirty work. Sheesh.

Anyway, then we see the viking running toward a Xxgg with his battleaxe, he smacks the ground with it, causing the rocks that the Xxgg is standing on to crumble but then he heads out for the spaceship.

Next is the flying Manta Ray who quickly realizes the Xxgg are immune to his paralyzing stare and he heads for the spaceship.

By now S'ven is resigned to his loss when suddenly Jonah Hex breaks in on the comlink and quickly outlines his plan. Its crazy, but just crazy enough to work. Stiletta drops Jonah off in front of the Xxggs and he takes off on foot and the aliens give chase. Jonah runs down a tunnel and turns a corner. The Xxggs come around the corner, see the tunnel and head in, just as Jonah steps from the shadows and activates the forcefield, sealing the Xxggs within the tunnel.

Much much too late the Xxggs realize that the tunnel they are in is actually the exhaust damper chamber for the spaceship and as it takes off they are fried to a crisp.

With the ship safely in space and all of the Dogs of War safely aboard, S'ven thanks Jonah and Stiletta for their help and explains that he must go back to his own time. If he does not, the Xxggs will send more search parties. S'ven will wipe his mind of all knowledge of what has happened, they will capture him and realize that he knows nothing.

Jonah interrupts, saying that since S'ven has been talking about time travel could he send Jonah back home? S'ven states that the teleportation crystal that he has only has enough energy for one more trip. Jonah asks what will happen when S'ven returns. S'vwn replies that he will be mind-scanned and then executed...then he fades away.

Jonah and Stiletta are left among the smoking, burning ruins of the compound and Jonah looks upward. Stiletta asks "Well?" Jonah replies, "Nuthin. Just lookin that's all. Wondering if'n mebbe ah couldn't see 'em." and we are left to see a twinkling star that could be the spaceship that will save the Earth.

Statistics for this Issue

Men Killed by Jonah - 0 (Three aliens don't count)
Running Total - 478 (428 past, 50 future)
Jonah's Injuries - none
Timeline - same day as last issue

Well, like I said earlier, it's a lot of fighting and a little bit of sadness. Sadly, everything was out of character with Jonah being the one to figure out to lure the Xxggs into the damper chamber but he is the hero of the book. It's just that Jonah can hold his own against humans in the future, but you start throwing in super powers and alien races, and that stretches even MY willing suspension of disbelief.

Giffen's artwork is still a major downfall of this book and there are times that I realize that if this book is ever printed in black and white there is no way in HELL anyone could know what is going on. Personally, I think that he should be charged with fraud for posing as an artist. Does anyone know if Giffen got some sort of kickback from a black ink company? I have NEVER seen an 'artist' use so much of the stuff.

Next Issue: Jonah has one last shootout and makes a horrific discovery.

HEX #16 "The Slayer and the Slave!"

Hex #16 Dec 1986
"The Slayer and the Slave!"
Michael Fleisher, story - Keith Giffen and Carlos Garzon, art - Denys Cowan and Carlos Garzon, cover

Jonah has been captured and is now part of the slave labor in the camp that belongs to the Visitor From the Future. Having had enough, Jonah grabs a rock and attempts to bash in the head of one of the guards. But this only gets him pummeled by half a dozen guards.

Meanwhile, Stiletta has visited a doctor to learn the reason behind her sudden attacks. He tells her that her symptoms indicate that the mind control drugs are very slowly working their way out of her system. However, he has also located a 'booster' cell implanted in her and that accounts for her great strength and speed. He says that he can remove it but just then three thugs bust in and demand drugs from the doctor. Stiletta jumps into action, crushing one thug with a roof beam (I think, I'm not sure), she throws a knife completely through the second thug and it appears that she snaps the third thug in half. Stiletta decides to keep the implant.

Jonah is now being held in a cell, but he reveals that during the beating, he manages to lift an electronic key off one of the guards. He figures out how to work it and manages to unlock all of the cells in the compound. So there is a huge jailbreak and during the confusion, Jonah decides to not run with the crowd and hides in a drainage pipe until all the commotion dies down.

Meanwhile, in the far far far flung future, the Xxggs have figured out that the Visitor From the Future has escaped their clutches and is now in the past (yet still, our future). They dispatch a liquidation team to hunt down S'ven Tarah (so THAT'S his name!).

Back to Jonah Hex. He is still hiding in the drain pipe when a guard comes by and Jonah jumps out and tries to clean the guard's clock. Jonah and the guard battles it out with Jonah winning .

Stiletta? She has left the mining town and headed toward the slave camp in an attempt to locate Jonah. Once she sneaks in, she has one of her attacks and with her super strength, beats the ever-loving snot out of the guards. However, this raises an alarm and several hundred guards are dispatched to the area. Oddly enough, one of the guards has a terrible scar.

Appears that Jonah has donned the suit of the guard to beat up and he now is wandering the compound and comes across the giant starship that S'ven Tarah is building. Sadly, he also comes across the Starkad, the Viking from the Dogs of War. They fight, fight, fight, with Jonah taking most of the damage until Jonah douses him with gasoline and threatens him with a flamethrower (holy, Jonah Hex movie tie-in!!)

Suddenly Stanley Harris appears and sets everything right, introducing everyone all around.

Meanwhile, someplace in the darkness we see what appears to be a vehicle driving down the road. An alien looking arm appears, people scream, confusion reigns and we head for the next issue.

Statistics for this Issue

Men Killed by Jonah - 0 (this is getting old!)
Running Total - 478 (428 past, 50 future)
Jonah's Injuries - Crap beat outta him twice
Timeline - Again, no idea. A day? A week? phhggt

While there was plenty of action, this issue is like watching Raiders of the Lost Ark with my glasses off. Sounds like a lot happening, but I can't see a damn thing. Two issues to go!!

Next Issue: Fighting! Explosions! Tears! Anti-Climax!

Hex #15 "Chain of Doom"

Hex #15 Nov 1986
"Chain of Doom"
Michael Fleisher, story - Keith Giffen and Carlos Garzon, art and cover

Jonah Hex exits the cafe and meets Stiletta at the motorcycle. He asks if she has ever heard of a gang called the Dogs of War. She says that she hasn't and Hex relates the tale he heard in the cafe regarding an alien from the future. Hex decides to try to locate this fella to see if he has a way to get Hex back home. They both jump on the bike and head out but Stiletta starts getting dizzy and attributes that to all the drugs that were forced into her over the past few issues.

Conglomerate Headquarters! Yup, we're back at that palatial estate and none other than Chain is talking to the head man himself. Chain is demanding that he be allowed to kill Jonah Hex, but the Conglomerate has no beef with Hex since Jonah toppled the empire of Reinhold Borsten. Besides, they would never hire a loser like Chain. Chain responds to the insult by instantly killing once of the Conglomerate's thugs. The head guy calls for reinforcements and Chain quickly slices the head off one and cuts the other one in half, explaining that he no longer has a regular chainsaw for hand but now has a photon scrambler. Having made a shambles of everything, Chain leaves the room with the head of the Conglomerate quaking in his boots.

At the slave labor camp, our unnamed alien in doing an introspective recap and we learn that he is from the future that has been conquered by an intergalactic race called the Xxggs (pronounced Shhigs). There is no good way to condense this, so I'll go pretty much verbatim on this one.

The Xxggs cam from the star system Erqlahlia in a giant generational starship, that was both a ship and a homeworld. This allowed them to travel for generations, seeking planets to conquer and when they reached Earth, they swept across the planet. Their science and technology was so superior there was nothing Earth could do. Eventually, all of Earth was enslaved and our alien buddy hatched a brilliant scheme.

He would travel back in time preceding the invasion in order to built a starship that could intercept the Xxggs ship enroute to Earth and then utilize a Nucleotide Injector to subtly alter the Xxgg's gene plasma in order to weaken the Xxggs throughout the future generations, thus ensuring Earth a victory in the coming battle. In order to do this, the alien would utilize the help of the Legion of Superheroes, BUT while our alien was trying to go back in time to the 30th century, Reinhold Borsten was tossing 'time-nets' into the timestream to gather warriors to fight in his staged battles. Our alien friend was caught in one of those nets.

The alien strikes a deal with Borsten. If Borsten allows the alien access to all of Borsten's resources in order to build this ship, the alien would then create a band of super-powered being to allow Borsten to rule the world. The alien knows that Borsten has no chance of accomplishing this goal (since there is no mention of Borsten ruling the world in the future), so the alien is given a Norseman, a Roman Legionary, a Japanese Ninja, and a Maori Chieftain, as well as Stanley Harris (whom the alien caught himself after the Needle's destruction.) Got all that? Good, cuz there's gonna be a test later.

Back to Jonah Hex and Stiletta on their bike. They are traveling across the countryside and Jonah mentions that they are getting close to where the Road Reaper told him the slave camp would be. WAIT! But isn't the slave camp three thousand miles from New York? I looked back at issue #13 and I'm not so sure. The Dogs of War capture the Road Reapers 3k miles away from New York, but the location of the slave camp is never given.

But I digress. On with the story.

Suddenly there is a huge blast, narrowly missing the bike.

We cut to the Dogs of War talking how they just blew up a titanium mining operation. Is that anywhere Jonah Hex? I have no idea. Can't tell from the story and sure as hell can't tell from the art. But let's continue on, shall we? So the Dogs of War are standing around talking about the ray they used, given to them by the alien, would only cause the mine to collapse and not injure any of the workers trapped inside. The ninja, Sun Hawk, summons forth his demon who clears a path down to the trapped miners and then the Dogs of War take all the miners aboard their spaceship to work in the slave camp.

Elsewhere we see a lone ship flying over the landscape and it is piloted by Chain's little brother. He is searching for Jonah Hex but is having no luck yet.

Meanwhile, Jonah and Stiletta roll into the mining camp (so they must have only seen that huge explosion, not been the target. Thanks, Keith, for portraying that in such detail). Stiletta and Hex split up to question the locals in order to learn if this was the work of the Dogs of War. Overhead, Chain's little brother picks up Jonah on the video and then alerts Chain.

Jonah is talking to some locals, getting the skinny, when they suddenly scream that the monster's are back. Before Jonah can react, he is tackled to the ground by Chain.

In another part of the camp, Stiletta is getting sweats, cramps and then suddenly goes into convulsions, ripping up huge hunks of buildings and throwing them around.

The battle between Jonah and Chain is not going well for Hex who is only able to dodge the photon scrambler. Jonah pulls a pistol, but Chain reduces it to mere atoms. Jonah turns and runs into a nearby mine, knowing there will be something there to help even the odds. Chain follows into the darkness and comes upon and open explosives locker. As he takes in what he is seeing, a grenade sails forth from the darkness and explodes at his feet.

Jonah steps out of the shadows, silently thanking Mabel for teaching him about all the toys that the future holds. Just then the mine wall explodes and Chain sails through, knocking Jonah to the ground. Chain stands over Hex, gloating as Jonah tries to get to his feet. That's when Jonah notices that one of Chain's boots is broken and is throwing out sparks. Jonah goads Chain into getting closer and lures Chain into stepping into a shallow pool of water.

Science being what it is, the electricity and water mix in such a way that Chain is electrocuted as well as having the jets on his boots ignite, catapulting him up through the mineshaft and into the darkening skies. Jonah pulls himself to his feet and starts to find Stiletta, only to collapse unconscious.

Back in the mining camp, Stiletta has regained control of herself but has little idea of the destruction she has caused.

Jonah regains consciousness and heads back to the camp when he is suddenly covered by a huge shadow. He looks up just in time to see the flying Manta Ray from the Dogs of War unleash his paralyzing gaze and Jonah falls to the ground.

Statistics for this issue

Men killed by Jonah - Do we dare suggest that Chain is dead? Nahhhhh. 0
Running Total - 478 (428 past, 50 future)
Jonah's Injuries - Well, he once again gets the crap kicked out of himself and then gets hit with a paralyzing beam.
Timeline - Really, who knows? Let's just call it the same day as last issue. That seems about right.

Now about this issue. AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH. What in the ever loving HELL was DC thinking by letting Keith Giffen do the artwork on this book? His work on Ambush Bug was hard to understand but I did enjoy the book. Here, if possible, it seems that he just got lazier. I really feel sorry for Carlos Garzon who had to INK this crap. How many bottles of ink did he go through on each page? The biggest part of the problem with Giffen's work is that he wanted to be all cutting edge and he provides NO MARGINS between panels. Just a thin black line, and in work (cough cough) like Giffen's, a thin black line can be anything from a spaceship to a cute girl on the sidewalk. Hell, Little Lulu has more artistry than this guano-taco!!

The storyline moves deeper & deeper into intergalactic sci-fi and with a different star character that might be a good thing, but not here. Now it may seem odd that I am willing to accept an 1800's cowboy entangled with time-travel and a futuristic society but I draw the line at aliens and such. Maybe it's because that almost every time-travel story is about normal people encountering an advanced society and their problems with adjusting. Space aliens are usually NOT part & parcel of time-travel unless it is about aliens in the future traveling backward. Usually forward time-travel can find more than enough story fodder in the societal differences without having to bring in aliens and space travel.

You may have noticed a HUGE gap between the recap of last issue and this. I chalk some of that up to a hectic few weeks but I have to admit that I am not looking forward to wading through the next few issues. I'm gonna have to take the band-aid approach and just rip through them and take all the pain.

Next Issue: Stiletta gets all super-powered, Jonah vs a Viking, and the Xxggs finally land in the 21st century!!!

Hex #14 "Gladiator"

Hex #14 Oct 1986
"Gladiator"
Michael Fleisher, story - Mark Texeira and Carlos Garzon, art and cover

Hex is in a high speed chase through the streets of New York, blindly pursued by the Combine while he attempts to locate Stiletta, kidnapped by the Combine and forced into recreational fighting under the name The Blonde Spitfire. Jonah does the best he can, driving through the streets and shooting out the driver's window. Sadly, in the future almost everything is heavily armored and the bullets just bounce off. In the back of the limo Hex has stolen is the tied up chauffeur, a dead member of the Combine, and another member of the Combine, bruised but still alive.

Hex demands to know if the limo has anything that will stop his pursuers and the Combine member directs him to the tailfin torpedoes. Jonah mashes the button and a quickly launched torpedo explodes on a Combine thug astride a hover-bike. Hex demands the whereabouts of Stiletta and with a pistol pressed against his forehead, the Combine member spills forth with all the info Hex needs. Hex makes a hard right down an alley and then quickly bails out of the limo. The Combine member sees that the alley is a deadend and dives into the driver's seat, trying to stop the limo. He slams on the brakes and the rocketing limo stops just inches from the brick wall at the end of the alley. However, the Combine still thinks Hex is in the limo and launches a torpedo of their own, blowing up the limo, sans Hex.

Elsewhere in the city, we spy on Stiletta in a fierce battle with a battle-bot. Three men; Drago, the Doc, and a short henchman, are discussing an implant that will be placed within Stiletta. Even though she is undefeated in 14 bouts, the implant, highly illegal, will double her speed and triple her striking power. The Doc warns that there could be unforeseen side effects. Drago is willing to take the chance since he plans on using it only if she starts losing. The Doc checks Stiletta and administers another dose of Mind control shots but he also warns that since Stiletta is extremely strong willed and shots of this potency could have an irreversible effect on her mind.

But, enough about the Combine, let's look in on the Conglomerate and their heavily fortified Soames processing plant. During a heavy downpour a lone guard sees something advancing through the rain. He opens fire and the Centurion, even though there is little sunlight, manages to deliver a huge force blast. With the alarm sounded, a huge dome starts to enclose the processing plant. Despite the best efforts of the Viking, the Manta Ray and the Centurion, the dome is undamaged.

That is when Stanley Harris steps forward, peels off his gold gloves and touches the dome. Seems that Harris now has a horrible chronal energy residing in his hands and anything that he touches ages rapidly (thus the gold gloves to prevent unwanted horrors). In the space of a few minutes the entire dome, ages, cracks and collapses. Then all hell breaks loose.

The Conglomerate unleashes a spider tank that blasts the Ninja (aka Sun Hawk) but the Viking runs forward and tries to chop off a leg of the spider tank, to no avail. Then he and Harris start climbing the legs while Manta flies upward and covers the windshield of the tank. The Viking makes it to a joint on the leg and lops it off, Harris plants an explosive onto the tank and the Centurion punches it toward a hillside where it explodes into pieces.

Back in New York, we visit in on a man washing and polishing and beautiful hovercar. Jonah Hex drops from above and kicks the ever-loving crap outta him.

Back to Drago and Co. Drago is saying that they need to get Stiletta to Atlanta for her next fight when the short henchman suddenly sees their car flying straight for the window of their building. Jonah Slams the hovo through the window as everyone scatters (except Stiletta, who stands like a statue, awaiting orders). Drago pulls out a machine gun and Jonah pops from the hovo and plants one between Drago's eyes. The henchman and the doc head for the door, the henchman shouting "Spitfire! KILL HIM!"

Jonah tries to reason with Stiletta as she draws a knife, but Hex sees the glazed look in her eyes and knows he is on trouble. The battle commences, with Stiletta attempting to stab Jonah repeatedly. Hex lands a haymaker square on her jaw but she doesn't even flinch. She launches a kick to Hex's head and then presses a button on her wrist cuff, launching darts from her shoulderpad. Jonah is pinned to the wall and ass he fights to free himself, Stiletta grabs a whip, ensnares Jonah's legs and then throws him out the window to the street far below.

Stiletta walks over to the window to view the final fate of Jonah Hex, but she is greated but both of Hex's boots to her head. Jonah has caught himself on a narrow ledge and then jumps back into the room and pummels Stiletta into submission.

Remember that huge prison work camp 3,000 miles away? Well, we go back there to check in on the Road Reapers that were taken as slaves to work there. The Road Reaper is thinking about how every day the Dogs of War take off and every day they come back with more slaves, putting glowing electro-cuffs on the slaves. Just then the Road Reapers own cuffs flicker and go dark. Just then a guard droid appears but without the electro-cuffs working, the Road Reaper is invisible to the droid. The Reaper then hotfoots it out of the camp and on to freedom.

Later (I'm standing by this because that is what the caption said) Jonah is driving his bike with Stiletta tied up on the back. She slowly awakens and starts demanding to know where she is and why she is wearing that outfit. Jonah pulls the bike over, determines that Stiletta is in her right mind and then he cuts her free. They continue on their way, with Hex bringing Stiletta up to date and everything that has happened since her kidnapping. they stop at a place called the Atomic Diner and Stiletta goes into the ladies room to change clothes.

Hex mosies inside and overhears the Road Reaper talking about being captured and held a slave. He relates the rumor that the brains of the operation is an alien that has actually traveled here from another time. At that point Jonah drops his tray of food, and mentally repeats "Came here from another time?"

Back at the compound, the aforementioned time traveling alien is deep in self contemplation. He ponders on the growing number of slaves but that the work is going too slowly. He had hoped to only enslave the dregs of society, in order not to disrupt the future, but he foresees that he will have to start kidnapping innocents in order to ensure his glorious dream of salvation.

Statistics for This Issue

Men killed by Jonah - 1, Drago bought the farm
Running Total: 478 (428 past, 50 future)
Jonah's Injuries - beaten up and thrown out a window by Stiletta.
Timeline - Whew! I have no idea how many days this one stretches across. The first part of the book appears to take place all in the same day, but once the Road Reaper escapes from the compound, he manages to travel 3,000 miles in a few hours?!?!?! It IS conceivable that he caught a flight, but he's a ROAD REAPER who has been a slave. I doubt that he has a ready supply of cash on hand. But Jonah and Stiletta only travel for what appears to be a few hours before encountering the Road Reaper. Ah, well, let's just ignore that whole "instant travel across country for the sake of the story" thing.

Well, we have Jonah Hex and Stiletta reunited, but there is that unknown side-effects thing that could cause problems. We learn a few more teasers about the Dogs of War who consist of a Roman Centurion that uses sunlight to issue force blasts from his hands, a flying Manta Ray that has paralyzing eye beams, a huge viking with a massive axe, a Ninja that can summon forth an inner demon, and Stanley Harris who has someone obtains chronal powers in his hands. The alien, while starting out enslaving only bad people now may have to enslave good people (is that worse? I thought enslaving anyone would be equally bad.) We also get very short glimpses into the Combine/Conglomerate/Other bad entity starting with the letter C.

All in all, the action kept coming and this story was a lot like the books near the end of Jonah Hex, where we got a page or two of everyone involved, just to keep the story rolling. Not sure if that is good or bad. It just is an observation.

Running out of time, so scans will be posted for this issue later tonight. Until then just imagine how glorious it all looks.

Next Issue: The Chain-Saw Killer returns with a new blade, the history of the mysterious alien and the Xxggs, the origin of the Dogs of War, Stiletta suffers adverse side-effects, and Jonah faces the one foe he cannot overcome... the 'artwork' of Keith Giffen. (the things I do for you guys! sheesh!)

Hex #13 "The Dogs of War"

Hex #13 Sept 1986
"The Dogs of War"
Michael Fleisher, story - Mark Texeira and Carlos Garzon, art - Denys Cowan and Rick Magyar

Batman's Bat-plane has just taken a header into the river and the Terminators are destroyed, leaving Jonah Hex on the riverbank about to jump in to rescue Batman. Hex dives in to the murky river and locates the Bat-plane but finds no evidence of Batman's body. He is suddenly attacked by two scuba-diving thugs, knocked unconscious and dragged away underwater.

Three thousand miles away (presumably outside Seattle) the Road Reapers are bearing down on a water convoy and as they start their attack the Reapers (and we as well) are treated to the sight of these fellas!!!!

Yeah, it's a giant spacecraft that unloads a flying giant Manta Ray, a Ninja, a Viking, and a Roman Centurion and the spaceship is piloted by Stanley Harris. All of these guys have bullet-proof armor and make short work of the Reapers, especially when the Centurion throws force blasts from his hands, the Manta Ray shoots paralyzing lasers from his eyes, and the Ninja turns into a gigantic Oni (demon). The spaceship lands and the captured Road Reapers are loaded onto the ship and taken away.

Jonah regains consciousness to find himself in a wooden cage hanging from the ceiling. Two very barbaric looking goons are heating up a large kettle and are talking about cooking Jonah Hex up to make some Hexcellent stew. (hee hee, my joke, not theirs. Hey! I think it's the first time in 4 years I've made that pun). Jonah, not one to be gnawed on, grabs his knife, cuts the rope holding the cage and the entire thing falls on the goons, breaking open and knocking them into the fire.

Jonah makes tracks through what appears to be a sewer system and finally ends up on the bank of the river, free for now.

Back to the giant spaceship with the captured Road Reapers, we find that the ship has arrived at a huge area that appears to be some sort of prison work camp. The Reapers recognize some of the other workers as being from rival gangs and it slowly dawns on them that they are now slaves!

Jonah finally makes it back into town and recovers his motorcycle and ends up back at the Kit Kat Klub to find Stiletta. He grabs both pistols and kicks the door in only to find out that it is now and respectable restaurant. Jonah is fairly confused until he recognizes one of the workers as the referee from the fight. Jonah drags him over to a console with a ton of buttons and Jonah mashes the correct button that turns the restaurant back into the Kit Kat Klub, sliding back a wall to reveal the huge arena. Jonah demands to know where Stiletta is and the referee tells him that Stiletta is probably with Austin and Ingalls, owners of the Klub, and part of the Combine, the group that killed Batman.

That allows us to quickly transition to a meeting of the Combine that is just breaking up. Two men, we can assume Austin and Ingalls, are leaving the building and approach their limo. When they get in they find their limo driver naked and tied up in the back seat and Jonah Hex in the driver's seat. Jonah pulls out a pistol, demanding to know where Stiletta is. One of the men pushes a button that opens up a compartment holding a pistol. The man grabs it and Jonah plugs him square between the eyes. Jonah tromps the gas and takes off in the limo and a bodyguard orders several thugs on cycles to give chase.

Back at the slave camp we see a strange shadowy figure floating within a large building full of video screens. The figure speaks of how slowly the process is going but at least things are moving along, thanks to his Dogs of War. When the light shines on the figure, it appears to be an alien!

Statistics for this Issue

Men Killed by Jonah: Looks to be three. One shot and two burned alive.
Running Total: 477 (428 past, 49 future)
Jonah's Injuries: Beat up and knocked out.
Timeline: Immediately after last issue so not even a day passes during this issue.

Wow. I think right about here is where I started losing interest in this book. Yup, this is the book that jumped the shark for me. I can take Jonah in the future with some of the sci-fi stuff, but the space ships, aliens, and everything else thrown in here, was just too much. Of course, we only have about five more issues left.

The search for Stiletta and the Combine/Conglomerate is a storyline that interests me and I wish we could have stuck along those lines. Texeira's work is still good, but the inking and coloring kind of muddy everything up. Also, Hex was never printed on white Mondo paper so it really suffers from the coloring process.

It's gonna be hard to get through these next issues. I'll just be honest with ya. But I think it will be kind of like a band-aid, I should just rip it off and get the pain over with.

Next Issue: Jonah Hex vs. Stiletta in a fight to the death!!!

Hex #12 "Siege of the Terminators"

Hex #12
"Siege of the Terminators"

Michael Fleisher, story - Mark Texeira and Carlos Garzon, art and cover

Plummeting to their deaths from last issue, Batman and Jonah Hex are sure to be street pizza since the flight capability of Batman's suit was destroyed by Jonah's knife throw. However, Batman isn't a one trick pony and unleashes his Bat-rope, snagging a flagpole as they fall past. Jonah manages to shinny up the rope to the flagpole and then over to the building. Batman follows suit and just before he reaches the flagpole, the pole starts to snap.

Jonah quickly undoes the chains on his boots and throws one end to Batman and then pulls Batman to safety. Batman states that they need to talk a few things over.

Meanwhile, we are privy to a discussion amongst the folks that own the giant robots and flew Jonah in from Seattle to New York in order to take care of Batman. They are discussing their chances of successfully getting the robots armed and if they can't bribe Batman, maybe Jonah Hex will kill him.

We cut back to Batman's giant flying Bat-plane where Batman has taken the descriptions given by Jonah, fed them into his computer and realizes that these guys work for the Combine. Hex asks about Stiletta but Batman says he has no idea. He explains that these two guys that have conned Jonah run the Kit Kat Klub on the old West side.

Batman gives Jonah directions to club and drops him off near his motorcycle. He also gives Jonah a warning, saying that Batman doesn't like guns or the people that use him, so Jonah had better find Stiletta and get out of town. Jonah says Batman better not push his luck with Jonah, where he comes from they string up hombres with masks. Batman replies "You mean Seattle?" and flies off. Watching the Bat-plane leave Hex replies "Uh-uh. Ah mean 1875."

So, we go see what is transpiring in the Kit Kat Klub and we fight a fight ring surrounded by a huge crowd. In the ring is the Blonde Spitfire going up against Bertha (weighing in at 267 pounds). Bertha punches the ringmaster and throws knives at the Spitfire (Stiletta). Stiletta dodges the knives and then pulls a whip, smacking Bertha in the face. Bertha charges her and the tussle continues on.

Elsewhere, there is a blind man working his way down an alley when he is set upon by a gang of thugs, however, Batman suddenly swoops in, beats the living tar out of the thugs and the starts questioning the blind man, who is one of Batman's informants. The blind man, Mole, explains that the Combine has flown in Jonah Hex to kill Batman and they're also trying to sucker the city council to accepting the Terminator robots as well as getting Batman to relax the firearms restrictions so they can arm the Terminators with lasers.

Back at the Kit Kat Klub, the fight continues until Stiletta finally knocks down Bertha, grabs a huge knife and buries it in the middle of Bertha's back, killing her. Just then Jonah busts into the club and attempts to get Stiletta out of the ring, but he is beaten senseless by the club bouncers and tossed into a dumpster.

In the Combine's HQ, they receive a giftbox but when they open it, several bats fly out and they find a note from Batman warning them about activating the Terminators.

That evening, Batman is heading back to his hideout but there is a large explosion at a local fuel depot and he flies in to put out the flames.

During this time, several hearses enter a warehouse owned by the Combine and start unloading the huge lasers that the Combine wants to put into the Terminators. Turns out that the Combine started the depot fire to keep Batman busy and when they get the lasers in place, they unleash three Terminators into downtown Manhattan.

Batman gets the fire out and then notices the problems in Manhattan. The cops are trying to fight the giant robots but to no avail and Batman has a slight problem, he has no firepower on the Bat-plane so he can do little more than swoop around and be an irritant.

Jonah Hex eventually comes to in the dumpster and sees the robots nearby, fighting Batman. Jonah contemplates taking off to find Stiletta again, but decides to go help Batman. However, after getting on his motorcycle and arriving on the scene, Jonah learns just how huge the robots are and on top of that, they are bulletproof.

So what is a cowboy to do? Take off between some skyscrapers, drag dynamite off his cycle, rig it up to two buildings and then lure a robot to follow him and hit the tripwire, which drops both buildings onto the robot. Another robot has waded into the river and is shooting at Batman with those dreaded lasers. As the robot walks under a bridge, Batman uses his electromagnet to pull four bolts out of the bridge and drop the entire thing on the robot (personally, I would hate to drive on a bridge being held together by four bolts that had no nuts on them!)

The last robot is destroying a housing complex and Batman swerves the Bat-plane into an antenna on a power plant, slicing it off and into the robot, electrocuting the robot and causing it to explode. The Bat-plane has lost a wing and crashes into the river......

Statistics for this issue

Men Killed by Jonah: 0
Running Total: 474 (428 past, 46 future)
Jonah's Injuries: Beaten unconscious
Timeline: Seems like the sun came up around here somewhere, everything is fairly murky on this one so let's add one more day. Day 17 of the future.

Wow, this one almost hurts to reread. I seem to remember enjoying it back in '86, but now it just falls there and lies on the ground twitching. Jonah Hex against giant robots? Nope, it doesn't work. Toss in a few pop culture references ("Ain't that nightmare 2047", "The Batman's over 21") and this book becomes less about Jonah and more about the supporting characters and their time. It just doesn't work at all. Sadly, I feel that this book was the start of the downfall of Hex because, believe me, things get even weirder the farther along we go.

Next Issue: We learn the fate of Stanley Harris and get to meet the DOGS OF WAR!!!

Hex #11 "Night of the Bat"

HEX #11 July 1986
"Night of the Bat"
Michael Fleisher, story - Mark Texeira and Carlos Garzon and Pablos Marcos, art - Denys Cowan and Dick Giordano, cover

Remember waaaay back when in issue 10 that those flying motorcycle things were shooting at Jonah? Well it turns out that they're some sort of hovercraft and Jonah Hex is being targeted because Mabel wants her guns back. But of course the guys sent to do Mabel's dirty work have made two mistakes:

1. They went after Jonah Hex.
2. They are using something that can be shout out of the sky.

And of course, Jonah does just that, nailing one machine but suddenly another hovercraft comes swinging along and blows the bejesus out of the other thug. It then lands and the guys inside present Jonah with the bloody outfit of Stiletta's.

JUMP CUT!!!

Deep underneath the ruins of the Needle, Reinhold Borsten is clawing his way through the rubble when he hears someone else digging DOWN towards him. It turns out to be Kinglet. Hmm, Kinglet? Kinglet? I THINK he's a doctor or a flunky. I'll check and get back to you later. ANYWAY, Kinglet has found Borsten and he is wearing an airtank and a mask. He tells Borsten that they will have to share the airtank but they can make it back to the surface. Borsten grabs the air mask, whips out a pistol and kills Kinglet. Borsten then dons the airtank and as he claws his way to the surface he mentally vows that he will make Jonah Hex suffer for having caused Kinglets death. Wow, I thought Quentin Turnbull was one twisted dude.

Back in the city, Jonah is riding in a hovo with his new 'friends' who are showing him a video of some shadowy figure whipping Stiletta. The new 'friends' print off a photo of the assailant so Jonah can find him...

Now we are in New York city and seeing it through an infrared lens and via a zoom lens we see a thug toting a pistol. That, in and of itself, is enough to throw this man into action...

That's right, it is the Batman of 2050 and New York City has a no gun rule that he upholds. Batman beats the living crap out of the smugglers and then blows up all the weaponry that the smugglers were bringing into the city. He jumps into his Batplane and returns to his secret lair deep within the Statue of Liberty. It is then that we are treated to a ..

FLASHBACK ORIGIN!!!!

Five short years ago (2045) Batman was a world-class gymnast and a doctoral candidate in Criminology at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York. He idolized Batman and finally figured out that Batman was really Bruce Wayne and had actually discovered the original Batcave. He was in the Batcave when the missiles were launched. He survived the war and missed the madness that ensued.

Both of his parents also survived. His mother, Miram Cohen, was a rabbi and was a proponent of gun control. His father, Kenneth Cohen was a top level disarmament negotiator under three administrations. Sadly, they were of two groups that were targeted in the new mob mentality, Jews and Gun control advocates. One evening, they were gunned down and therefore the new Batman was born.
END OF FLASHBACK ORIGIN!!!!

The next afternoon, deep in the heart of New York in a fortified headquarters we see some very large robots withstand lasers, huge titanium hammers and other dangers. The owners of the robots are pitching them as new 'enforcers' for NYC. Sadly, all of the firepower that the robots were to have has been destroyed by the Batman. The owners are telling their clients, the Municipal Welfare Council, that the robots will be unable to fulfill the order until the Batman is gone. Who should control crime in this town, a vigilante or the people?

That night, Jonah Hex is dropped of in the slums by his new 'friends'. Jonah, not knowing who or what Batman is, and not knowing of the Batman's rule, boldly walks through town with his pistol strapped to his hip. It doesn't take long for Batman to locate Jonah and swoop down, starting a fight. Of course, Jonah recognizes the man who beat Stiletta and is more than happy to take on the caped man.

Batman is able to disarm Hex and take his pistols. Then Batman flies off but Jonah isn't finished. Grabbing his knife, Hex throws it and manages to pierce Batman's cape and damage the anti-grav disc that gives Batman flight. Batman plummets onto a nearby rooftop and Jonah makes tracks up the fire-escape and continues the fight. Batman grabs Jonah and flips him over the edge of the roof, but Jonah grabs Batman and drags him over the edge with him. Of course, they both are now falling to their deaths....

Statistics for this issue

Men Killed by Hex - 1 in the rotor-bike
Running Total - 474 (428 past, 46 future)
Jonah's Injuries - None
Timeline - This issue starts and the end of the prior issue and then we have one day pass. That would mean that we are now end on day 16 of Jonah in the future. Wow, That's a busy two weeks for anybody!

If I have to accept that Jonah Hex is part of the DCU (and I don't want to) this is a fun story. Hex is a pawn and gets suckered into the fight with Batman. This version of Batman, while understandable in his mission, kinda tosses aside the stuff he should have been learning in college about the Constitution and decides to take everything into his own hands. Granted, the 'law' is now the Conglomerate (aka The Mob), but it appears that he has no forward vision of rebuilding a society that can govern itself.

And of course, we get Jonah Hex in New York so what is not to love? This issue gets a thumbs up.

Next Issue: Will Jonah get his pistols back? Will he survive that fall from the roof? Find out and watch the fireworks when the giant robots get involved and everything gets blown all to hell.

Hex #10 "The Sin Killers"

Hex #10 June 1986
"The Sin Killers"

Michael Fleisher, story - Ron Wagner and Carlos Garzon, art - Mark Texeira and Carlos Garzon, cover

Our story starts some undefined time after last issue with a wonderful bird's eye view of a 'house of ill repute' and we see a car pull up and several people with guns piling out. We here Jonah Hex stuttering and stammering that there has been a misunderstanding, he thought this was a boarding house of some sort. Inside, we see Hex at the front desk still trying to sort things out but in the background there is a man getting a massage and reading the crawl-sheet that has a huge story about Hex defeating the Shooting Gallery.

Suddenly the folks we saw earlier burst into the building shouting "PIGS!! WALLOWING IN SIN!!!" and then open fire with tommy-guns and submachine guns. Jonah grabs a woman and dives behind the front desk with her and then grabs some cover. He whips out his pistol and is about to start leveling the playing field but the massage customer shouts for him to hold his fire. The man doesn't want Hex to hit his daughter, one of the folks shooting up the place.

There is a pause in the gunfire and the shootists smile, stating that Maxwell Grogan will be proud of the souls that have been redeemed here. Oddly enough, the shooters are all dressed in 1930's garb. They leave with the phrase "The wages of sin are death and more death."

Meanwhile, back at the Needle, (remember that?) Reinhold Borsten, whom we thought was dead, appears to only be mostly dead! We find him crawling through the wreckage, hideously disfigured and near death, but still vowing vengeance on Jonah Hex.

Of course, we go back to find that Jonah Hex has accepted a ride and dinner from the man in the "inn", named, uh, well. We never learn his name. Get over that! Anyway, turns out his daughter has gotten mixed up in a anti-sin cult that worships a mass murderer from the 30's The guy hires Hex to bring back his daughter but is at least able to tell Hex that the bunch works out of an abandoned shopping mall north of town.

Jonah heads out to the mall, considering that this is getting him some money but it's not getting him any closer to finding Stiletta. Just then he glances up in the sky and sees a cross-over sales boost! That's right, it's a Legion of Super-Heroes time bubble in a surprise cameo (it's a surprise because they told you that right on the cover! SUPRISE!) with Element Lad, Dawnstar, Superboy, and Shadow Lass. Seems the LSH got thrown of course and ended up in Jonah's book. Superboy grabs the Time Bubble and gets it back on track in the time stream but not before Jonah sees them and figures that he is drunker than he thought he was.

Inside the shopping mall, we find that it is getting closer to GLORY TIME!!! The mall is crowded with the faithful followers of Maxwell Grogan, each of them dressed in the 1930's attire and the head priest is wearing a huge hat similar to that worn by the Grand Dragon of the KKK. Jonah Hex grabs a follower, turns out his lights and grabs the coat and hat and decides to find out what GLORY TIME!!! really is.

Jonah ends up in a balcony of a movie theater where the preacher is showing a film of Max Grogan getting captured by police in 1931. The newsreel continues with Grogan walking the last mile to the chair and the preacher is shouting that they are in the very theater where Grogan was captured and they have that same electric chair and now followers will go to glory in that chair. The first man walks up, gets strapped in and electrocuted to the shock and disgust of Jonah Hex.

Hex decides ha can't wait any longer since the girl he was sent to recover in next in line. He jumps from the balcony to the stage, grabs the girl and takes off. In the lobby, he shoots the chandelier to stop two gangsters that are giving chase and then he tries to shove the girl up a stairway. Jonah is stunned to see that the stairs move, but not too stunned to shoot down more thugs. A couple of thugs decide to take a lift tube to the next floor but Jonah spies them and realizes one thing about the future, always shoot the controls. Of course, the gangsters fall to their death.

Jonah continues to shoot his way through the gangsters all the while the girl is trying to convert him to the teachings of Grogan. Finally Jonah has had enough and grabs the girl and jumps over a railing, landing atop a monorail. They get inside and Jonah starts pushing buttons to get the thing moving. Sadly, Jonah manages to jam the controls and the monorail can't take the first turn at top speed and flies off the rail and right through the side of the theater.

The whole shooting match bursts into flames and the preacher screams for the girl to come to her glory. She jumps from the monorail and rushes for the chair. She straps herself in and the preacher is ready to throw the switch but Jonah comes to, grabs his pistols and finds they are empty. The preacher grabs the switch and just as he starts to throw it, a large knife ends up buried in his chest. Jonah jumps to the stage, slaps the girl unconscious, grabs her and makes tracks.

Some time later, we see the father paying Jonah for the job and stating that he has locked her in her room upstairs. Just then we hear some loud crashing from the house and the father runs inside as Jonah rides off on his cycle. The father tops the stairs and finds his daughter's room empty, the window broken and a sheet hanging to the ground. The father starts shouting that Hex has to help find her but Jonah continues on.

Just then we see three motorcycles dropping from the sky and opening fire on Jonah!!!

Statistics for this issue

Men killed by Jonah - 6
Running Total - 473 (428 past, 45 future)
Jonah's Injuries - None
Timeline - Hmm, this is tough. The Shooting Gallery is still in the news so it can't be too far after that so maybe my estimation of a week passing from two issues ago is probably wrong. Hmm. let's say three days between 8 and 9 and three days between 9 and 10.

I did enjoy this issue, lots of gunfire, lots of death, lots of burning stuff. Add in the weird cult from the 1930's and it just sits correctly on the tongue. It also made me remember this little bit that I thought about two years ago. All except for the SURPRISE CROSSOVER SALES BUMP!!!! I could have really done without that. Now it means that I'll have to track down LSH #23 for one lousy panel of Jonah. grrrrr. I also didn't like the confusion that Jonah had regarding the whorehouse. His old west wasn't THAT lily-white. I think Fleisher overplayed the hick hayseed bit just a tad too much here.

Next Issue: New York City!!!! Stiletta Found!!!! Jonah Hex vs. Batman!!! It's true!! The Damn BATMAN!!!

Hex #9 "Day of the Cyborg!"

Hex #9 May 1986
"Day of the Cyborg!"
Michael Fleisher, story - Mark Texeira and Carlos Garzon and Pablos Marcos, art - Mark Texeira and Pablos Marcos, cover

  Jonah cannot locate Stiletta after she was mysteriously abducted and we find him sitting in a bar tossing back a few. In a typical Jonah Hex fashion, he is downing drink after drink after drink until he is interrupted by three thugs who are spouting off about how Jonah beat the Shooting Gallery earning ten thousand soames. They ask for a demonstration of Jonah's skill, in a rather threatening manner, and Jonah, drunk or not, skillfully obliges by killing all three. But just then we spy another thug drawing a bead on Jonah, but the thug is knocked out by the vocalist of the bar band.

   The vocalist, a fella by the name of George Arthur but traveling under the moniker of Flame, advises that they both make tracks out of the bar before some more of the thugs friends show up. As they walk the streets, Flame is talking about the downward spiral that society has taken and that he and his fiance, Faythe, are going to join a gated community outside the city. A small establishment called Elysian Meadows that sounds just wonderful.

  In short order, Flame and Jonah arrive at a parking lot and Flame gets on his motorcycle and takes off but his guitar falls off unnoticed. Jonah picks up the guitar and decides to track down Flame in the morning and return the instrument.

The next day we find ourselves within the domed gated wonderland that is Elysian Meadows. Within the community, everyone is happy and they are greeting not only each other but also a Dr. Adamant, the creator of the community. Adamant is speaking with an aide when we spot Flame riding down the street on his motorcycle. Adamant asks the aide about Flame, but the aide states that George Arthur is engaged to one of their residents and that his arrival has been anticipated.

  Flame jumps off his bike and is greeted by Faythe but Faythe has cut her hair and is wearing normal clothes. She leads Flame into the house where two large armed guards apprehend Flame despite his screams and struggles.

Some time later, Jonah Hex is outside the gate trying to get in to return Flame's guitar. The guard is doing typical guard things with his list of residents and ongoing denials but then spots George Arthur under the new arrivals. The guard tells Jonah that he can enter but he first has to surrender his weapons. Jonah starts to drive past the guard, but the guard reaches out, grabs Jonah by the throat and hoists him off the cycle. Fighting for air, Hex draws his pistol and fires, blowing the guards arm clean off but we find out that the guard is a robot. Hex jumps onto his cycle and speeds off into the dome.

Inside the dome other guards have been alerted and start to close in on Hex. Jonah dismounts and opens fire, taking down several of the robot guards. As Jonah runs through the streets, the members of the community appear oblivious of the carnage all around them. Jonah ducks behind a house and starts reloading when Flame walks up. Flame's hair is cut and he is wearing normal clothes. Flame suddenly turns and shouts out to the guards that he has found Jonah Hex.

The captured Jonah hex is taken to the company of Dr. Adamant, who proves to be a master of exposition. Adamant talks of the construction of the cyborg control force (so they WEREN'T robots!) and that mankind has not yet evolved to the place where they can be trusted to maintain their own free will. Therefore new arrivals to the wonderful world he has created are outfitted with a brain diode implant that keeps the residents in a passive state. Of course, with everyone being so laid back, the good doctor was forced to create an army of cyborgs to guard the establishment.

And, of course, since Jonah Hex is a natural born fighter, Dr. Adamant has plans to turn Jonah into a bionic cyborg. So they beat the tar out of Jonah, strap him to a table and wheel him into surgery. Once in surgery the stupid stupid doctors make the mistake of getting the surgical laser within kicking range of Jonah. He therefore kicks the living bejesus out of the laser, sending it twirling crazily and loping off an incredible amount of cyborg limbs.

Hex then pulls a small four-shot derringer out of his boot, unstraps himself from the table and opens up, giving himself enough time to work the controls on the operating room door, blast the controls, run through the door and then close the door from the outside. Jonah then beats a hasty retreat down the hall.

Jonah finally locates Dr. Adamant and when the Doc starts advancing on Hex, Jonah shoots him point blank. Sadly, the bullet bounces harmlessly off Adamant and then the doc backhands Hex with unbridled fury. Adamant then lifts Hex one-handed and throws him across the room. Jonah manages to grab a handy flamethrower and opens up with it.

Dr. Adamant, his flesh burnt off, continues to advance on Jonah because Dr. Adamant is not a cyborg, but a full-blown robot. Adamant grabs a section of the wall, rips it up and throws it at Hex, who dodges it.

Meanwhile, the brain-addled Flame and Faythe are bringing flower to Jonah to celebrate his surgical recovery and addition to the cyborg guards.

Jonah Hex continues to flee from Adamant and gets a huge air-lock type door between him and the robot. Adamant won't be stopped and rips the door from the frame and then grabs an axe and starts swinging. In a rage of anger, the robot throws the axe, severing some electrical cables on the far wall. Adamant grabs the axe by the wooden handle and starts swinging again, getting closer and closer to Hex. Just as he is about to deliver the death blow, Flame and Faythe enter the rooom asking if they can visit Jonah.

Adamant is distracted for a second and Jonah leaps up, grabs the electrical cable and throws it at the robot, which results in the instant melting/vaporization of the robot. Jonah then searches around the room to find the mind-control switch and flips it off. Immediately Flame and Faythe come to their senses.

A short time later, Jonah is bidding farewell to the lovely couple and takes off to find Stiletta. As he drives off he notes that life in 1875 was downright serene compared to here and we see residents of the domed community arguing over gardening tools.

Statistics for the Issue

Men Killed by Jonah - 3 thugs in the bar. I don't count any of the cyborgs cuz, well, they're cyborgs.
Running Total - 467 (428 past, 39 future)
Jonah's Injuries - beat up and choked a couple of times.
Timeline - Well, I'll be generous here. It appears that Jonah has been searching for Stiletta for some time, so we'll say that a week has passed prior to this issue and in the issue we do have one day pass. Therefore, since last issue was day 4, let's say that this issue ends on day 12 of Jonah's visit to the future.

The artwork in this issue was very good (I love Texeira's style) with some weird looking cyborg types both in and out of the domed city. The story had a lot of shooting and what not, but the plot was a little thin especially with the quick dispatch of Dr. Adamant. What do ya want, characterization or action?

Next Issue: Jonah Hex takes on the 1930's Chicago Mob, a lunatic church, a monorail, and a shopping mall. How much crazy can one cowboy handle?

Hex #8 "The Shooting Gallery"

HEX #8 Apr 1986
"The Shooting Gallery"
Michael Fleisher, story - Ran Wagner and Carlos Garzon, art - Denys Cowan and Dick Giordano, cover


Well, the hovo eventually ran out of fuel, but Jonah Hex and Stiletta Borsten managed to land it safely. After getting precise directions as to what type of fuel they need, Jonah head out on foot to the next town. Eventually Jonah makes it to the next berg and ends up at Jameson's Auto Parts. Jameson says he doesn't have that kind of fuel, but he might be able to salvage some from an old wreck out back. Jonah heads down the street to a bar to wait until the fuel is available.
Jonah doesn't even make it to the bar before three thugs step up to take all his soames. He throws his wallet over the head of one and then opens fire while they are distracted. The thugs return fire, but Jonah does the drop, roll and shoot, ending up plugging all three. However, one of them jumps up, grabs the wallet and jumps on his motorcycle. Hex realizes that he has been hoodwinked by body armor once again, takes aim, and CLICK. Outta ammo.

The thug drives off as a crowd gathers, astonished at Jonah's marksmanship. Jonah mentions that he is now flat broke and one of the crowd mentions that anyone that can handle a firearm the way Hex does can earn some easy money. He just needs to go see Mabel at Lovey-Dovey Firearms Supply.

Jonah beats a path down the street to that establishment and inquires about the 'easy money'. Mabel asks to see Jonah's weapon and is astonished to see the fantastic condition of his Smith and Wesson .38-40. She offers to show him a .44 auto Mag but Jonah spies a pair of .357 Magnum Ruger Blackhawks. Mabel says that he should be able to easily find ammo for those. Jonah is examining the pistols and asks Mabel why she has no security working is such a dangerous business. Mable points to what appears to be a small cannon mounted on a swivel hooked to a track that runs the length of the store. She tells Hex to stand perfectly still as she tosses an empty box in the air and pushes a button on a strap in her palm. The gun swivels, tracks the box and then blows it to pieces. Mabel then invites Hex out back to try the Blackhawks on the outdoor range.

Of course, we go elsewhere to find Stanley Harris picking himself up out of a swamp where the Time Machine dumped him. He tries to get his bearings to find out if his is really in 1968 Viet Nam. Suddenly an arrow slams into a nearby tree and Harris finds himself staring down a Feudal Japanese archer.

Behind Mabel's gun store, she is showing Hex the target range. The range consists of moving targets that pop up and fire back a beam of light. Jonah guns down the first few targets and then Mabel turns the range onto high speed. Jonah is just getting warmed up and hits every target perfectly. Mabel is astonished and tells Jonah that he can compete is a slightly more, uh, sophisticated version of the target range and score a lot of soames. Mabel offers to spot the entry fee and they will split the winnings.

Jonah takes the offer and heads off to the Shooting Gallery. The place is like a bookie's dream with dozens of folks placing bets and watching several TV screens. The owner of the gallery tells Hex that he has to follow the arrows on the floor, can't double back, kill all the targets and he wins, if he takes a hit he loses. Jonah heads in to what is a large deserted factory.

Right off the bat he shoots a robotic target on a catwalk and then plugs one popping out of a floor trapdoor. As he continues along the path, he comes upon a conveyor belt that has a target heading towards him. Suddenly the rotten floor fails beneath Hex and he falls to the floor, barely avoiding the shotgun blast from the target. It's then that Hex realizes that these targets don't just shoot beams of light and that he has been hoodwinked.

He hears the doors lock far behind him and in the betting area the action heats up as Jonah has 500 - 1 odds of getting out. As Jonah continues on he avoids dual floor flamethrowers and then climbs into a service elevator. Back in the betting area, one of the workers notifies the head boss that they have trouble since Hex is getting farther than anyone else.

The Shooting Gallery dispatches some human thugs to get rid of Hex and as Jonah keeps taking out the targets. The Gallery owner hits a switch that kills all of the TV screens. He explains to the betting crowd that it's a technical failure and they are working on it.

Inside, Jonah has come upon an area that looks like a slaughterhouse with an overhead conveyor belt comprised of large meathooks. As the hooks travel, there is a target hanging from one of them and it opens up with a machine gun. Hex dives for cover and waits, determining that that the target is firing about fifty rounds with a one second pause between bursts. Jonah dives out and takes out the target, but he is suddenly taken down by one of the human snipers dispatched by the Gallery.

Jonah falls to the ground and the sniper stands up and gloats. Just then Jonah sits up and shoots the man from the catwalk. The sniper falls backwards through a window, the other sniper sees this and comes running. He rounds the corner and opens fire on Jonah Hex's body laying on the floor. Sadly for him, Jonah has placed the target on the floor and taken the targets place on the meat hook. Jonah finishes the job with one shot.

Back in the betting area, Jonah Hex kicks open the door to the amazement of the owner and the cheers of the betting crowd. Hex takes the soames, and knocks the snot out of the owner. The crowd rushes Jonah asking for his autograph.

Back at Mable's she is very surprised to see Jonah as he strides in, belts her across the chops with the sack of soames. He then grabs her trigger switch, nabs his share of the soames and helps himself to an arsenal of weapons and ammo. As he leaves he is secretly watched by two men in an alley.

Shortly Jonah is heading back to the hovo on a motorcycle that he purchased but he finds that Stiletta is gone and it appears that there has been a struggle.

Statistics for this Issue
Men killed by Jonah - 4
Running Total - 464 (428 past, 36 future)
Jonah's Injuries - Shot in the left shoulder
Timeline - Still the same day as previous issue. Still day three? Or should we suppose that Jonah and Stiletta traveled for an evening prior to this issue and call this day four?

I enjoyed this issue quite a bit because there was a lot of action and we got another glimpse into the working of this society. For some reason the 80's version of the future was always a lot of fun because how far can society degrade but still hold together? That's always a fine line to walk.

I'm glad to see that we have Jonah dealing with the semi-small towns in the future, rather than just the Needle and the dangers in the Seattle desert. Of course, Jonah eventually gets to the larger city and things get even more complex.

Next Issue: Jonah continues the hunt for Stiletta and takes on the dangers of the Gated Community!!!