Jonah Hex V2 #48 "The Six Gun War Part 5"

Jonah Hex V2 #48 Dec '09

"The Six Gun War Part 5"

Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Cristiano Cucina - art and cover

Jonah stands in the darkness, Blue Eagle and his warriors dead in the street. Then, slowly Chako appears and says "How many times can a man kick a dog before the dog bites the man? All Chako wanted to be was your friend." He tells Hex that they could have been a good team. Jonah notices the African warrior approaching from the left, two women with whips coming from behind, and the Middle Easterner from the right. Chako starts laughing, saying that it was he that betrayed Hex and now he will watch him die.

Jonah points his pistols out to the sides and fires but appears to have missed the men. The two women unleash their whips, wrapping them around Hex's ankles and jerking him off his feet. They drag him backwards and he suddenly shots the whips in two. Laying in the dirt, Hex notes "Ya brung swords and sticks ta dispatch me? Ya been misinformed, this here's a gun fight." and he quickly kills the African and the Middle Easterner.

Chako turns and runs with Jonah getting off a shot to his knee but the two women quickly throw knives, piercing both of Jonah's shoulders and then rush him, more knives drawn. Jonah falls to his knees, firing, and striking the women in their knees, dropping them wailing into the dirt. Jonah starts to extract the knives from his shoulders when Flannery appears.

Flannery stands over him, taunting him and beating him from behind. He mocks Hex and his relationship with Bat Lash and suggests the two share a sleeping bag. Flannery kicks Hex in the ribs and the two women stagger to their feet and advance on the men. Flannery turns, telling them to stay back as they have had their chance. Hex, on the ground, manages to remove a knife and then buries it in Flannery's ankle. Flannery goes down screaming and Hex quickly dispatches him and then retrieves a pistol. 

The women beg Hex not to kill them. Jonah tells them to hotfoot back to Turnbull, telling him that money can't buy Jonah's grave. They leave and Jonah holsters his pistols and staggers down the street to find Chako, crawling slowly away. Jonah walks up and steps on Chako's bloody knee. Chako says that he saved Hex from a hanging and from the men in the desert, does that not count for anything? Hex shrugs and punches Chako in the jaw. Chako, being Chako, rambles on and on about how he wants to live when Jonah hears something down the street. 

It is the Mexican swordsman. Hex asks Chako if that is the last assassin. Chako says yes and Jonah states that Chako was trying to distract him. Jonah then plugs Chako square in the forehead. Jonah turns to the Mexican and asks why did none of them brought a gun. He slowly draws his pistols and fires with the Mexican deflecting first one bullet and then another with his machetes. Having spent his last two bullets, Jonah notes his luck may have run out. 

The Mexican approaches and Jonah turns and runs for his horse just as the Mexican closes in. Jonah dodges first one swipe and then a second, planting a fist on the Mexican's nose, dropping him to the ground. Jonah gets to his saddlebag and retrieves a tomahawk, turning to face the assassin. Jonah gets a machete to the thigh and the Mexican gets a boot to the nads. Jonah then quickly pivots and cuts off the Mexican's left arm. The Mexican swings again, Jonah ducks and then buries the tomahawk in the man's forehead.

Hex gathers up his tomahawk and pistols and staggers back into the saloon. He finds the room where Bat Lash took the saloon girl and wakes him up. The woman jumps out of the bed and says she'll fetch the doctor. Jonah tells her all of Turnbull's killers are dead so she better not double cross him. She rushes out naked and Hex tells Bat Lash to wake the others. 

That morning Bat lash and Lazarus Lane survey the damage wrought by Hex. Lane states that they have to bury Blue Eagle and his men. Tallulah appears, telling them that Comanche should be buried with their horses and weapons, but seeing how their group are in need of those things and don't have time for such customs, the Comanche would probably be fine with a big burning.

The two men start stacking bodies and Lazarus inquires as to Hex. Tallulah says he is sleeping. Bat wonders why Jonah didn't wake them once he saw the fate of Blue Eagle. Tallulah says that Hex knew what was coming and would not say a thing to anyone. Lazarus notes that maybe Hex holds some affection for the three of them to which Bat notes that Tallulah at least got to share Hex's bed. His wit is rewarded with a right cross to the jaw from Tallulah and she storms off.

Bat swears Hex and Tallulah should marry and Lazarus says he would not wish that woman on any man, including Hex. Bat says that if they survive the coming confrontation with Turnbull, it will be the end of his dealings with Hex. Lazarus chuckles, saying that they will always try to stay on Jonah's good side. Bat replies that Jonah doesn't have a good side.

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - Chako and five assassins, so we add six to the total
Running Total - 793 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 291 V2)
Jonah's Injuries - Whew, knives to each shoulder, beaten and kicked, a machete to the thigh.
Timeline - The end of the evening from last issue and into morning So far, four and a half weeks.
Rape Percentage -  23% (11 of 48)

Ok, a few things. On the good side, Jonah was really down to his last two bullets when facing off with the Mexican. Twelve shots in this issue and each one accounted for. I appreciate things like that. Chako was good in this one, turning on Hex in a manner befitting the self serving Chako. And it was good to see him finally be dispatched.

Now for the assassins. What the hell are wrong with these guys? Two of them were completely out of their element and didn't use on ounce of surprise, just walking down the street getting shot at. Flannery was an idiot to not knock out Hex before allowing himself to be distracted and the Mexican pulls a Wonder Woman move with machetes? As Jonah says, it was a gunfight that only he was prepared for and he should have fared better than he did.

While the pacing of the story was good and tension was well done, the whole concept of six assassins working alone without guns against the best bounty hunter in the world just comes across as stupid. Last issue did try to show a little bit of competition between them but they were cardboard cutouts just to be knocked down by Jonah.

Next Issue: The big payoff, Hex V Turnbull, this time without red clay and crows (Movie reference, ya'll)

Jonah Hex V2 #47 "The Six Gun War, Part 4"

 Jonah Hex V2 #47 Nov '09

"The Six Gun War Part 4"

Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Cristiano Cucina - art and cover

El Papagayo continues to hang by his wrists, the wind whips sand around him as Hex, Lash, Tallulah, Lazarus Lane, Blue Eagle and his warriors ride out of the town, heading for Turnbull's mine. Hours pass and Hex, Lash and Tallulah scout on ahead and spot a large number of horsemen heading their way. Hex identifies them as trouble and the three turn tail and head back to Blue Eagle and the others.

They come to a river, ride across, meeting Blue Eagle on the other side. It is there they turn to thwart the oncoming horsemen. As the Mexicans close in, Hex and his bunch open fire, taking out several. Then they turn head further downstream, looking for a better place to hole up. They find a spot and hide the horses further up in the hills and hunker down, prepping for the fight.

The Mexicans approach the river and send a rider into the water. He shouts that they cannot pass through the canyon without paying the tax, they are outnumbered and they want the woman (typical marauder stuff). Bat Lash lets out a chuckle saying the Mexican's clearly didn't get a look at Tallulah. She gets riled and opens fire on the Mexicans. There is a LOT of back and forth arguing between  she and Hex and Lash until the main group of riders storm across the river and the firefight erupts in earnest.

Lazarus Lane, not one who is not normally involved in such violence has to gin up his courage and start shooting. After several minutes of gunfire, the Mexicans take the worst of the damage, turn and run.

Back at Turnbull's mining operations, he is 'entertaining' the assassins that he has hired, including a pair of female twins that were not mentioned last issue. He tells them that their targets are experienced and possess a lot of luck. Flannery, the Irishman, says he knows about luck and Turnbull replies that he doesn't care if Hex's companions are killed, he is paying for Jonah's head. The Nizari Isma'ilis states that he shall be the first one to return with Hex's head and Flannery tosses an insult his way. Tempers flare and a fight almost breaks out before Turnbull shouts them all into silence.

Turnbull explains that six miles north of the mines is a small town with a saloon, he knows that Hex's troupe will stop there because they cannot go long without partaking of liquor. It is there that Hex must be killed.

Soon Hex and his group arrive at the small town and head into the saloon with Blue Eagle waiting outside. As the group bellies up to the bar who should appear than none other than Chako. And what should hit Chako's jaw but none other than Jonah's fist. Bat Lash is lured away by a saloon girl, Hex and Tallulah pour their drinks and walk off and Lazuras Lane finds a comfortable table.

Eventually Chako slides up alongside Hex and starts telling him that they are all in danger. Turnbull has hired the entire town to get Hex and friends drunk and then kill them Chako tells of the assassins, six or seven, and once Hex is drunk, the plan is for a villager to give the signal and the killers will move in. Hex suddenly grabs Chako by the throat and shouts that he won't give him any more money and to take off. Chako whispoers to Hex that was very clever and Hex replies that Chako should tell Blue Eagle outside to keep an eye open for the killers. Chako leaves and the night continues onward.

Much much later everyone is passed out or asleep and Hex rises and strides to the door. As he steps out into the moonlight he finds the street littered with the dead bodies of Blue Eagle and his warriors.

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - Once again, a lot of shooting and bodies everywhere. No way to tell who killed whom. We see that Hex took at least five shots so let's call it eight
Running Total - 787 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 285 V2)
Jonah's Injuries - None
Timeline - We know it takes about two days to get from the Mexican town where they left El Papagayo to Turnbull's mine, so two more days.So far, four and a half weeks.
Rape Percentage -  23% (11 of 47)

This one was all set up, the semi-calm before the storm. There was some action with the shootout against the Mexican bandits but the geography of the fight (crossing the river, crossing back, etc) was more confusing than anything. And the constant banter between the main actors was almost annoying. It was good to see Chako, but so far, this is the weakest chapter in the story. 

There was also a six page preview of R.E.B.E.L.S. Annual #1: Starro the Conqueror!

Next Issue: Hex faces off against the gang of assassins and it goes.... well....

Jonah Hex V2 #46 "The Six Gun War, Part 3"

 Jonah Hex V2 #46 Oct '09

"The Six Gun War Part 3"

Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Cristiano Cucina - art and cover

El Papagayo drops his hand, signaling the firing squad to kill Tallulah and Bat Lash, but the resulting gunfire eradicates the firing squad as Jonah Hex, Lazarus Lane, Blue Eagle and his warriors come riding into the Mexican village bringing vengeful carnage. Tallulah and Lash pick up guns and start to open fire as well.

Hex chases down Papagayo and the first order of business is to obliterate his pet parrot. Hex then jumps off his horse and tackles Papagayo and punches him senseless. Lash and Tallulah run up, she grabs Hex, kisses him, slaps him, and kisses him again. Hex pushes her away and Lash waxes poetic about the unholy offspring those two would create if given the chance. Tallulah pulls her pistol and takes aim at Papagayo but Hex halts her hand, saying he has a plan for the Mexican bandit. 

Blue Eagle rides up, stating that one of Papagayo's men escaped but Hex says to let him go, he'll tell Turnbull that Hex is coming. Tallulah questions losing the element of surprise, but Jonah says Turnbull will be plenty surprised, besides, Jonah wants Turnbull to think he is prepared for Hex.

The escaped bandit rides all night, the next day and night and finally arrives at an Aztec pyramid, shouting that he must speak with Turnbull.

One week later, Papagayo hangs by his wrists, asking if Hex is gonna kill him. Hex says he isn't sure and Papagayo says he will not tell of Turnbull's location. Hex replies Papagayo should have because he'll have to answer to El Diablo. Hex tells Diablo that once he gets the info, Diablo can do what he wants with Papagayo. Hex bids Papagayo good night and walks off, leaving the Mexican bandit in terror of what is to come.

At Turnbull's hideout, a Mr. Robertson is questioning Turnbull's methods but Turnbull says that for the amount of money he has offered, all of the assassins he has contacted will show up. Turnbull runs down the list:

* A Nizari Isma'ilis with no name from the Middle East

* A Masai warrior from Africa

* An Irish killer from New York

* A Mexican mercenary

Robertson doubts they will succeed, but Turnbull tells him to mind the bookkeeping and ignore the blood work.

Back in Northern Mexico, Hex and Tallulah are sharing a bed and she asks if Diablo has broken Papagayo. Hex replies that he ain't heard no screaming for the past hour and Tallulah asks if she can pose a question. Jonah says she can go ahead and kill Papagayo. But she wants to know why Turnbull is so vengeful. Jonah says it goes back to the war and Tallulah observes that he is going to keep the rest to himself.

We then get a flashback of Jonah in the Civil War and we get a retelling of the Fort Charlotte Massacre. I won't retell it here, but it is very accurate to the original telling of the tale. Once the flashback finishes, Hex says he's done talking for the night but Tallulah says he hasn't said a word for five minutes.

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - Wow, there is no way to tell how many men Jonah killed in this one. Let's say a dozen
Running Total - 779 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 277 V2)
Jonah's Injuries - A punch to the jaw
Timeline - Two days of the bandit escaping plus two more weeks. For the whole story thus far, a little over four weeks
Rape Percentage -  25% (11 of 46)

This was a better chapter with the reuniting of our merry band but we now have our second deus ex machina with Hex and company killing the firing squad and the proper instant (the other being Hex's rescue from being buried alive). The flashback took up nine pages, leaving thirteen to advance the story, but the flashback was required for new readers, I get it.

The gathering of assassins piqued my interest, but we'll see how all of this plays out over the next three issues.

The rest of the book had a four page preview of Magog #1 (yawn)

Next Issue: A gathering of assassins and yet another friendly face appears.

Jonah Hex V2 #45 "The Six Gun War, Part 2"

Jonah Hex V2 #45 Sept '09

"The Six Gun War Part 2"

Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Cristiano Cucina - art and cover

Devils's Night

We open on the town seen last issue. Dogs roam the streets, eating the corpses. Suddenly there is a burst of supernatural flame from the jail and El Diablo appears. He kicks Hex awake and Jonah scrambles away saying "Ah ain't ready yet!". Diablo states that he is not here to collect Hex but he needs Hex's help. Diablo points to the unconscious Lazarus Lane in the cell and says that Diablo can't touch him.

Diablo instructs Hex to carry Lane to the hotel, there are dangers to deal with.

The Woman is Insane

Mexico

It is night and El Papagayo walks up to his men standing guard outside of a barn. He asks if the men have been enjoying themselves with the captive woman and they hesitate. Papagayo chides them but Sanchez says that they do appreciate it but..... none of the men can bring themselves to do it. Other men have done things to her that they cannot do. Papagayo calls them children and cowards and goes into the barn. As he closes the door, he tells them they will be hearing her loud and painful screams shortly. 

Moments later, Papagayo exits the barn and we can hear Tallulah mocking Papagayo's manhood. Papagayo tells the men to have the whores dress Tallulah and then lock her away with Bat Lash. He walks away as as Tallulah starts laughing maniacally.

Back in Texas, Diablo tells Hex that Papagayo must pay for his crimes and Hex agrees. Diablo says that Hex must take Lazarus with him to Mexico but Hex refuses. Diablo then lifts Hex by the throat and tells him exactly how this will play out because Diablo HAS to avenge the town. As Diablo leaves Hex swears that some day he will figure out how to kill Diablo.

Hex then picks up Lazarus, carries him outside the hotel and dumps him into a horse trough. He tells Lazarus they are going to find horses and then ride for Mexico.

Meanwhile, in Bat Lash's cell, Tallulah is thrown inside and Bat starts weakly laughing. She asks what is so damn funny and Bat relates how he overheard then men talking about her being the first woman to actually strike fear into Papagayo. She says she will kill Papagayo for killing Hex, once they make their escape. Bat figures they have a snowball's chance in hell of getting out but Tallulah figures as old as the place it they should be able to wiggle the bars out of the clay walls before sunup.

Next day Jonah and Lazarus are making their way south across the desert. Lazarus asks how well Jonah knows Turnbull. Jonah replies "Too well" and Lazarus keeps prying as to why they are going there. Jonah says it's not a bounty, but he is gonna settle a war that has been brewing since before the states reunited.

As they are riding in a canyon, they are surrounded by Comanche and Hex recognizes Blue Eagle. Blue Eagle says that he and his warriors are on their way to kill the Mexican and the other men who allowed the women and kids of the tribe to die in the tornado. Blue Eagle says they have heard of the white man owning mines in Mexico. Hex says that Blue Eagle and his men are welcome to ride along, but killing Turnbull falls upon Hex and Hex alone. 

Blue Eagle agrees to the terms and explains that the Mexican also has two prisoners, a yellow haired man and the angriest woman he has ever seen.

With dawn breaking over the mountains, Bat and Tallulah manage to wrest the bars out of the cell window and then climb down the wall to freedom....only to find themselves face to face with four of Papagayo's men. They start joking about how ugly Tallulah is and she rushes them, kicking one in the teeth and grabbing his gun, she then opens fire, killing all four.

More men come rushing out and surround them. Bat asks Papagayo if they could come to some sort of agreement. Papagayo says that he will agree to shoot them and they can agree to die. He puts them against a wall as his riflemen line up. Papagayo raises his arm and shouts "Ready....Aim....FIRE!"

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - Zero
Running Total - 767 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 265 V2)
Jonah's Injuries -None this time
Timeline - Possibly one night and the next morning. For the whole story thus far, two weeks
Rape Percentage -  25% (11 of 45)

For the second entry in a six part tale, this one isn't too bad. We had the driving conflict in the prior issue and here we are still gathering all the players (El Diablo and Blue Eagle). I'm very happy that J&J introduced a new character with Blue Eagle, lazier writers would have shoe horned in Scalphunter into a story where he didn't fit.

Some of the time frame didn't seem to fit. While the sun was low in the east when Hex and Lazarus met Blue Eagle, it seemed earlier in the day when Tallulah and Bat escaped. Maybe not, with the sun having to make it over the mountains....but then again we have next issue to deal with.

And let's address the situation between Tallulah and Papagayo. While she is one tough bird I don't really see Papagayo turning tail and running as easily as he did. But, then again, they did have Tallulah stripped naked and hung like a piece of meat in the barn. Seeing what had been done to her may have been too much to him. Dunno.

But the story does clip along at a good pace and is never boring. I DID appreciate the slight nod to the Princess Bride, you can never go wrong with that.

Next Issue: The first round of retribution, Turnbull amasses his forces and FLASHBACK!!!

Jonah Hex V2 #44 "The Six Gun War, Part 1"

  Jonah Hex V2 #44 Aug '09

"The Six Gun War Part 1"

Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Cristiano Cucina - art and cover

Texas 

Jonah is riding along in a thunderstorm when a dead Indian falls from the sky, and then another. Jonah looks ahead and a huge rain-wrapped twister has hit an Indian village and is dropping natives and horses from the sky. Jonah continues onward, closing the eyes of a dead Indian boy and eventually riding into a fort. Jonah addresses a soldier, Major Newbury. The Major turns and says "You must be the bounty hunter." Jonah inquires if the damage is from the tornado and the Major explains that it came upon them quickly and didn't go well for the Comanche.

Jonah asks about a huge pit that the soldiers are pulling Indian corpses from. Newbury explains it was an escape tunnel that was unto a teepee and they found it before the storm hit. Jonah calls him a liar in that it is not an escape tunnel and wasn't meant to be one. This ruffles Newbury. Jonah says that Newbury summoned him to the fort to capture some rogue Comanches but the Comanches here in camp wouldn't have run off with their bravest men outside the fort, plotting an escape. Jonah says that the hole was a shelter fashioned for this time of year.

Newbury tells Hex not to worry about a few dead Indians, seeing as to how Jonah's troubles began months ago in order to spring the trap into which he has just stepped. Then we see Quentin Turnbull, El Papagayo and Papagayo's men emerge from the pit. Turnbull pulls a pistol and shoots Hex in the left shoulder, knocking him from his mount. Newbury bends down, relieving Hex of his weapons and Papagayo gives him a quick kick to the wounded shoulder. Turnbull tells the men to beat him but not kill him....not yet.

Several hours later Jonah is a bloody mess and the beating continues. Turnbull explains that the trap was carefully set, but the tornado was not part of the plan, and Turnbull will savor every ounce of Hex's pain. He instructs the men to pick Hex up, they are leaving.

Several hours later in El Paso, it in night in the cemetery. Turnbull tells Papagayo that an unmarked grave is befitting a coward such as Hex and Papagayo says that they should have slit Hex's throat. Turnbull says the beating left him drained enough of blood and besides, suffocation is much more painful. Turnbull, Newbury, and Papagayo mount up and heads for their homes.

The Grave Robbers

Rain pours down and two men are digging up graves. One is relating a story of his dog greeting him from a long day away. He really misses that dog. The other man asks if he will get a new dog if there is enough gold on the corpse they are digging up. The first man says he won't, it does too much damage to a man's heart to keep burying dogs. When they open the pine box, they realize that Hex is alive, drag him out and get some whiskey in him. Jonah snatches the bottle from them, stumbles to his feet and makes off with the whiskey. They demand to know where he is going. He replies "mexico"

The Gambler

Two weeks later in Chihuahua, Mexico, Bat Lash is in a poker game with some men who are not happy to be losing. Bat explains he is in their establishment, playing with their marked cards and it was simple enough to turn the tables on them.They stand and draw their pistols but Bat says that they are all civilized men...

The Hired Gun

Tallulah Black steps from the shadows with a sawed off double barrel shotgun and she says she has an offer for the men. They laugh, wanting to know what an ugly woman could offer them. Bat says that they should hear the lady out. Tallulah tells Bat that if he splits his winnings she'll insure he won't end up dead. Bat says it is a deal. Tallulah first one, then another. The third gets a shot off but she guns him down (three shots from a double barrel shotgun (which really chaps me, because you can't put three shells in a double barrel).

Lash tells Tallulah that he is impressed and that she reminds him of someone. He suggests that they beat feet but Tallulah says they are in Mexico, there ain't no law. He invites her for a drink and she says he COULD be charming and they step outside.

The Men of a Thousand Cruelties

Bat Lash notices several men come riding through town and he says that this isn't good. Tallulah wants to know who it is but Bat mounts up and tells her to leave now. A bullet takes off the top of Bat's hat and El Papagayo, Quentin Turnbull and the rest block their way. Papagayo, being who he is, plays nice, as if he and Lash are old friends and asks the name of Bat's whore and that she is unusually ugly. 

Tallulah responds with her name and says she will happily shove the parrot up El Papagayo's ass. El Papagayo busts out laughing and Tallulah comments on how bad he smells. He responds that he can take a bath but she will always be an ugly one-eyed whore. She starts to draw but Bat intervenes and says that he and Tallulah must be leaving. However, El Papagayo reminds him that he had been told to stay out of Mexico forever. El Papagayo then boasts that he was just in Texas and ran into Hex. 

Tallulah asks if he ran into Hex, how is he still alive? Bat asks that she knows Hex? And El Papagayo explains that they killed Hex and since Bat helped Hex ruin El Papagayo's business of selling guns to the Apaches and now he will kill Bat Lash in retaliation. Lash says they should let Tallulah go, she has nothing to do with that. Suddenly two lassos drop over Bat and Tallulah and they are yanked off their horses and drug through town. Quentin says he is returning to his mines in Mariposa and he wants more of Papagayo's men to help.

We switch to Hex who has been staggering across desert sands for two weeks and comes upon a sand choked town. Everyone in town is massacred, the church bell clanging in the sand storm. He continues staggering through the town and into the jail. He spots Lazarus Lane locked in a cell. Hex asks what happened and Lane says it was El Papagayo. He tells Hex to open the cell but Jonah's knees buckles and he collapses on the floor unconscious.

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - Zero
Running Total - 767 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 265 V2)
Jonah's Injuries -Shot in the left shoulder (AGAIN!?!?), beaten to a pulp and buried alive
Timeline - 13 days
Rape Percentage -  25% (11 of 44)

This was pretty much a departure for J&J, who usually wrote One & Dones. First I'll get the complaints out of the way:

* The three shots from a double barrel shotgun (something that can't happen, to my knowledge)

* The art is very heavy on the inks, a LOT of shading and black, to the point we get no facial features on some characters.

* The artwork was somewhat confusing regarding the tornado, the fort, and the hole/escape tunnel. I wasn't sure if there WAS a fort and it wasn't very clear about how Turnbull and El Papagayo were able to hide in it.

Storywise... This one packs a LOT and promises a lot. We have almost everyone in the Hex universe except for Scalphunter and The Chameleon. I did enjoy that Turnbull's elaborate plan was elaborate in getting Hex into the trap but once they had him, they were quick to shoot him, beat him and bury him. It was only a stroke of luck that Jonah was saved, and even at that, he is barely surviving.

Tallulah and Bat lash had their own violent 'meet cute' and Tallulah barely tolerates Lash's verbosity, not unlike Hex. All in all, a good start to a six part epic, so hang on and we'll ride this one all the way to the end.

There was also a five page preview of Justice League: A Cry for Justice

Next Issue: El Diablo shows up, Tallulahholds her own against El Papagayo, and we meet Blue Eagle

Jonah Hex: No Way Back - Things I noticed.

Well, there are gonna be some spoilers ahead.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* I enjoyed the page layouts by DeZuniga. He is getting more abstract and creative as time goes by. However, sometimes I had trouble recognizing characters from page to page (unless I looked at their clothes). Tony's stuff is getting grittier as he gets older, probably because he is inking his own pencils.

In the fight scene with Papagayo I actually had trouble following what was going on. The prior two pages were set up to read top row left page/ bottom row left page/ top row right page/ bottom row right page. These pages appeared to be set up to be read top row left page /top row right page/ bottom row left page/ bottom row right page.  There was one panel in Jonah's fight with Papagayo that I actually couldn't figure out exactly what Jonah's arm was doing. Also, the knife in Jonah's arm vaniched in one panel.

* By my calculations, I would have placed Ginny closer to 56 than 46 (as stated by Jonah).  Let's review what we know:
Jonah was born in 1838 and his mom left when he was ten in 1848. We have no idea how old Ginny was when Jonah was born, but this story gives us some clues in that Jonah seems fairly put out when he learns that Joshua married a girl when she was 14. Could this be a clue to how old Ginny was when she married Woodson? If so, then Ginny is 14 or 15 years older than Jonah (being born in 1823).

If Jonah last saw his mom in 1875, she would have been around 52 at that point. ( I would chalk up her not recognizing Jonah in this story to the pain and the drunken state she was in.)

The last time Jonah fought El Papagayo was 1878. This story obviously takes place after that. Let's toss in a year or two for their meeting in the current series and for some time to lapse and let's place this story in 1880.

1880, Jonah would be about 42 and Ginny would be about 56/57

But I cut Jonah some slack, I can't remember how old my mom is without doing the math in my head.

* Were those some subtle references to Jonah's marriage? "Not now, Not ever again." Nice touch.

* Nice surprise attack. I liked it.

* I did like Jonah's relationship with his mother at the very end.

* So Joshua got married to a 14 year old girl? Was that so unusual back then? (Not sure, just asking) However, I took Jonah's disgust of the situation to be one of dredging up memories of what happened to his ma, making me think Ginny was 14 when SHE got married and Jonah viewed it as a form of abuse.

* I hated the name Dazzleby way back when. It sounded so hokey. I'm glad Justin and Jimmy remembered, but I could have also believed the story that Ginny left Dazzleby and married a third man, just in order to have a better last name for the story.

* A full chest tattoo of the crucifixion? Really? You really want me to buy that one? I'm surprised that you didn't make Joshua look like Robert Mitchum from Night of the Hunter (like in The Sin Killer ). The crazy killer Christian or fake Christian angle is an old one and I'm fairly tired of it now. What else ya got? In over 100 stories we have only gotten one story of a confessed Christian actually doing compassionate things. I guess I could have bought the concept of Joshua being led by the conceptof salvation through works instead of grace (it's any easy trap to fall into), but the full chest tattoo? Sheesh.

* Mike Brown from Oklahoma, we hardly knew ya. Mike, wish ya coulda stuck around some more. Nice nod to the saloon scene in the movie. So who is Mike Brown, in real life? (If you guys ever want to toss me into a Hex story, the last name is Hendrickson. Just sayin' is all)

* "How'd ya get that scar?" Again, another nice nod to Albano and the upcoming film.

* I enjoyed Papagayo recounting every one of their prior meetings. Nice.

* An actual origin of Papagayo? Wow, I just have to say that I liked it, it carried water for me, and I enjoyed it. Good job on that part guys.

* I don't know where you guys planned on this one falling in the Hex timeline, but I place it around 1879 - 1880. See my reasoning above;.

* Kicking a man's arm clean off FTW!

* The name of the town, Heaven's Gate, took on a whole new meaning once the population changed gender.

* Was Eli, Joshua's youngest, retarded or have Turouttes or something? That bit never went anywhere and I can't decide if I'm happy that it didn't. Would have been cheesy for it to mean something.

* Dag. Best dog name ever. Takes 1st place from the previous leader, "Doug"

FINAL RECAP -

Worth it? Yes. Nice format, nice story, some history, some new stuff, some things get changed, beginnings, endings, old wounds opened up and exposed. All in all, a good story.

Thanks guys. Can we have Jose Luis Garcia Lopez do the next one?

Of course, in the future, I'll be doing a complete review/recap of this, not sure when, but eventually.

Hex #1 "Once Upon a Time... in the West?!?"""

Hex #1 Sept 1985
"Once Upon a Time... in the West?!?"
Michael Fleisher, story - Mark Texeira, art - Klaus Janson, cover

Jonah Hex wakes up to find himself asleep on a saloon table. He suddenly remembers Brett & Emmy Lou and then jumps up only to find them gone from the saloon. He is trying to clear his head and into the saloon strides El Papagayo. The Mexican bandit whips out his pistol and fires. Jonah dives for cover and quickly returns fire but finds that he has blown the entire top off an El Papagayo robot.

There is a sudden cut to a control room of futuristic operators monitoring Jonah Hex on a large screen.

Jonah attempts a second shot but the gun is empty and Jonah realizes that the gun is some sort of fake. He runs out of the saloon and into a futuristic corridor and he finds several armed guards rushing towards him. Jonah attempts to flee but he he is stunned by the ray-rifles the guards wield.

The guards drag Jonah into a large room with a man sitting high above at a control station.The man is Reinhold Borsten. Jonah awakens and Borsten welcomes Hex to Seattle and starts explaining that he is a student of war and all conflict. Borsten shows him holographic projections of Hannibal and the Civil War. He then displays more current history, specifically the great nuclear holocaust that has decimated the Earth. Jonah goes into an overloaded shock and passes out.

When Hex comes to, he finds himself in a large glass tube that is filling up with gas. He feels his legs going numb and grabs his pig-sticker from his jacket and uses the handle to bust his way out. Jonah is in a long room filled with hundreds of military men, all encased in the glass tubes. He finally locates a display case of pistols and he breaks the glass grabbing the guns but setting off an alarm in the process. Jonah doesn't understand what the sound is, but beats a hasty retreat nonetheless.

The alarm draws the attention of several guards, one of whom Hex shoots in the face and then Jonah's path is blocked by a force-field across a doorway (it appears to be red lightning to Jonah.) Another guard rounds the corner and Jonah grabs him and flips him into the force-field.

There are more guards coming down the corridor. When they round the corner they see Jonah crouching in the darkness and open fire, however they have been fooled into shooting their fallen comrade (upon whose head Jonah placed his Confederate hat.)

In another part of the huge compound a radioactive waste truck is leaving the facility. They get clearance from the guards and start driving across the barren wasteland and we see that Jonah is hanging underneath the truck. An alert comes across the truck's radio that there is a bounty of 2,000 soames for Hex's return. Just then the waste guy riding shotgun sees Jonah drop from underneath the truck and take off running. The truck attempts to run Hex down but he stops, spins and pumps two bullets into the workers. As the truck swerves and crashes, Hex note that the .44 tends to pull slightly to the left.

He takes off cross country, trying to figure out his situation. Remembering that Borsten mentioned Seattle, Jonah says that he has never been there, but he's heard that it has over two thousand folks in it and if he is truly in Seattle, then he has traveled over a thousand miles overnight. Jonah then stumbles upon three men threatening a blond woman. She manages to fight back but to no avail. Jonah steps in, tossing one of the men and then pulls out his pistol. Then the men allow Jonah & the girl to escape.

As they walk off she mentions that her arm is sprained and that Hex will have to drive her motorcycle. Of course, Jonah has no idea what to do and she instructs him, asking how he normally gets around and he replies "Horse."

They finally get the cycle started and get going with a fair amount of wobbling. The girl says that her name is Stiletta and asks Hex for his. She also says that he'll need to get a rado suit or the next acid storm will burn his flesh right off. Stiletta guides Hex back to her gang, the Reapers.

Once they get to the camp, Hex learns that the gang is trying to take over a water site because the last war laid waste to a majority of the clean water.Being a good hostess, Stiletta invites Jonah to dinner and then she introduces him to the leader, Falcon. Falcon invites Hex to side with them on the upcoming water war and Stiletta explains that Jonah saved her hide and then gives Hex a thank-you kiss. What Jonah doesn't know is that Stiletta is Falcon's woman.

Meanwhile, the news of Jonah's escape is being revealed to Reinhold Borsten who says that this situation needs to be rectified by the time the hardware from the Viet Nam conflict arrives.

Fifty miles from the Reapers camp, the folks that have the clean water are gearing up for the inevitable onslaught (thanks to an informer that they planted in the Reapers ranks). Of course the Reapers arrive right on schedule and by this time, Jonah has a sneaking suspicion that he has thrown his lot in with the wrong side of this fight.

The battle commences with both Jonah and Falcon having their vehicles damaged and they take shelter in a nearby building. A member of the invaded party sets the building on fire but Hex and Falcon make their escape out a back window. They both head for a hover cycle with a sidecar and as they take off it starts to rain.

Falcon mentions that it is an acid storm and that Hex will die (as he uncouples the sidecar Hex is riding in). As Hex drops to the ground, he grabs Falcon off the cycle and they both start fighting on the ground. Jonah finally beats Falcon senseless and since the acid has started burning his skin, Jonah peels the clothes off of Falcon, runs to the hover bike and jumps aboard. As Jonah starts to drive off, Falcon awakens and starts screaming for Hex to not leave him but....

Jonah drives for a short while and the rain finally stops but just then....

Statistics for this Issue

Men Killed by Jonah - 5
Running Total - 433 (428 past, 5 future)
Jonah's Injuries - None
Timeline - This story appears to happy completely within the space of one day. So far we don't know what year it is.

I really enjoyed Texeira's artwork on this one. He has a very cinematic style and he's not afraid to draw large crowds of people and the folks that he presents do each have their own stylings (facial scars, clothes, hairstyles). When I first read this I was a little miffed at how quickly Jonah took to navigating a motorcycle, but now I see that there is some wobbling depicted in the artwork. I did like that Jonah is having to re-learn who/what is right and wrong in this new world and through no fault of his own he threw in with the wrong bunch.

I did enjoy this book a lot and was pretty jazzed about the new direction that Jonah Hex found himself. Of course, I was thinking that any Jonah Hex was better than no Jonah Hex.

Next Issue: Viet Nam, robot dogs, giant wheels and the DEATH of Stilleta!!

Jonah Hex #81 "The Alliance!"

Jonah Hex #81 Feb 1984
"The Alliance!"
Michael Fleisher, story - Dick Ayers & Tony DeZuniga, art - Ross Andru, cover

The sad thing about this issue is that the first four pages are a recap of the last two pages from the prior issue. Turnbull has just been bitten by a rattlesnake (the snake survived the bite) and Jonah is going to leave Turnbull to succumb to the poison.

Then, suddenly for no reason at all, Jonah changes his mind and does his best to suck the poison from Turnbull's hand. It would have been better if he had done it for Jeb's memory, or maybe realizing that he needed Turnbull to clear him of the Governor's murder, but none of that is stated.

Meanwhile, J.D.Hart is turning in the thugs that he captured last issue. Hart learns about Jonah Hex's escape from jail and then heads for the hotel to get some grub.

Much later, Jonah & Turnbull are heading back to town in Turnbull's buggy when there is a sudden avalanche in front of them. Jonah is able to get the horses stopped and then there is another avalanche behind them. They find themselves boxed in the narrow canyon and that is when the gunfire starts. Turnbull has recovered enough from the venom to beat a hasty retreat to a nearby cave with Jonah close behind him.

Once in the cave, they hear shouting from above them and it turns out it is none other than El Papagayo, seeking revenge. Things aren't looking good at all.

Elsewhere, Emmy Lou Hartley has packed up and decided to leave town to try to get Jonah Hex out of her mind and her heart. On the way to the stage depot she shoved an ignorant goon into a horse trough.

Darkness is now falling on the canyon where Jonah & Turnbull are trapped. Turnbull reasons that Papagayo has nothing against HIM, so he pulls a white hanky, and waving it as a sign of peace, starts to leave the cave. Of course, the Mexican bandit is a bloodthirsty bastard so his band opens fire. Jonah leaps out of the cave, kills a couple of bandits and then drags Turnbull back into the cave, but not without getting a slug in the right thigh first.

Later that night, Hart & Mei Ling are having dinner in town. J.D. is telling his life story, but Mei Ling doesn't want to hear about the guns. Hart reasons with her, telling her that guns aren't evil, they are a tool to be used.

Back in the cave, Jonah has fallen asleep and Turnbull has finally figured a way to make his escape. He will use the derringer in his pocket to kill Hex and then drag the body into the open, proving that he sides with Papagayo. Just as Turnbull is about to pull the trigger, several Mexicans show up at the mouth of the cave and Turnbull shoots at them while shouting for Hex to wake up. Jonah wakes up and kills two of the three men.

Back in town, it is after dinner and J.D & Mei Ling are getting closer under the gaze of the moon.

At the cave, Jonah has rescued the injured Mexican (the one Turnbull shot) and is going to use him as a human shield. Jonah holds a pistol to the man's head and all three of them make their way out to the buggy. They climb into the buggy, make their way around the avalanche and head out. Turnbull notices a letter in the seat that reads "Jonah Hex, my good friend, adios"


Up on the cliff, Papagayo asks a henchman for the field glasses, trains them on the buggy, and despite the bad focusing that the henchmen had put on the glasses, Papagayo is barely able to make out the dynamite strapped to the bottom of the buggy.

Of course, the dynamite goes off and the entire buggy is blown clear to hell.

Statistics for this issue
Men killed by Jonah - 4
Running total - 412
Jonah's Injuries - Shot in the right thigh
Timeline - This one takes place in one evening.

Despite the waste of pages up front, this was a good issue. It may have seemed like we were jumping from one character to the next, but it supplied a nice break between the scenes and allowed for the passage of time. Mei Ling and Hart are letting their hearts get entwined, Emmy is running away with a broken heart and if Jonah survives this, he will have a heck of a lot of surprises waiting for him!

Since Turnbull and Papagayo are teaming up in the current Jonah Hex run, it's nice to see that they weren't always so buddy buddy (and it also helps me to place the current story arc into the timeline as well). The cover is a nice one, with the huge shadow of the parrot giving a clue that El Papagayo lurks inside this issue.

Next Issue: A night on the town turns ugly, Hex & Turnbull kiss and make up, and we finally meet Zombie Papagayo!!! (just kidding on that last one!)

Jonah Hex #72 "Tarantula!"

Jonah Hex #72 May 1982
"Tarantula!"
Michael Fleisher, story - Dick Ayers & Tony DeZuniga, art - Ross Andru & Dick Giordano, cover

Jonah, disguised as El Papagayo, in order to save Emmie Lou Hartley, who has been kidnapped by the aforementioned Mexican bandit, has broken into the palace of the President of Mexico in order to steal the necklace of Queen Isabella and having gotten his hands on the necklace attempts to escape but is suddenly stopped by the palace guards. (whew!)

Jonah shouts out but then...

Ouchie!

The following afternoon the dead body of Jonah Hex/El Papagayo is laid out for viewing as an example of all those who would oppose the mighty Mexican government. The captain of the guards makes mention of the horrible scars that El Papagayo has, but chalks that up to the dangerous life of a bandit band leader.

Two men viewing the body are visibly shaken and leave rather quickly. Turns out they work for El Papagayo and rush back to tell the bandit leader what has happened. Emmy overhears and is heartbroken that Jonah is dead, but Papagayo sees it as a golden opportunity. With the Mexican government thinking that he is dead, there will be very few guards escorting the necklace back to Spain. Papagayo will swoop down like the beautiful Mexican parrot and steal the necklace!

Several nights later, the two thugs we met earlier are in the graveyard digging up the body of Jonah Hex in order to cash in on the matching Dragoons that Jonah was buried with. They finally remove the casket and break open the lid to find...



Jonah Hex has turned into a pile of STONES!!!!!

Nope, he has turned into a vengeful monkey and swinging from a tree kicks the holy living crap outta both of them. But he's not done! Jonah's fists, seeing what fun his feet had, want in on the action as well.

Jonah subdues the two thugs and then Col. Sanchez appears out of the darkness to take the men captive. The Col & Jonah are congratulating themselves on their wonderful plan to make Papagayo think that the necklace will be unguarded tomorrow and when he attempts to steal it, they shall capture Papagayo (remember the telegram that Jonah sent last issue? Good!). However, the keeper of the graveyard overhears everything and goes rushing off into town.

In town he tells an man named Emilio everything he heard in order for Emilio to ride to Papagayo and warn the bandit leader.

The next day, Hex & Sanchez are leading the troops guarding the necklace as it makes its way to the ship that will take it back to Spain. Sanchez has several hundred men riding just 10 minutes behind. Once they spot Papagayo, Sanchez will fire his pistol twice as a signal for the men to come rushing in. Just then, Sanchez's hat gets shot off his head.

Papagayo and his men are on a hill overlooking the small wagon carrying the necklace. He shouts down that he knows all about the plan and if any signals are attempted, Sanchez will be dead. Papagayo shouts that he has his own bag of tricks and has his men produce that bag. He cuts the bag open and out tumbles Emmy Lou, bound hand and foot. Now, Papagayo makes his demands. Hex must bring the necklace to Papagayo or Emmy gets a bullet in the head.

Jonah quickly clubs Sanchez unconscious and draws on the wagon guards. He takes the strongbox, unlocks it and grabs the necklace. Papagayo and his men ride off with Emmy, leaving Jonah with the necklace to follow.

An hour later, the bandit reigns in his horse at a covered pit. Jonah is clubbed unconscious and tied up then he and Emmy are lowered into the pit. Just as Jonah comes to, Papagayo orders a huge basket of tarantulas dumped into the pit then he and his men ride off.

Back in the spider filled pit, Jonah tells Emmy to cut her ropes on his spurs. She keeps working until she is free, unties herself and Jonah and then promptly feints. Jonah tosses her over his shoulder and climbs out of the pit.

Later that night, Papagayo and his men are talking about having left Jonah & Emmy to starve. Papagayo mentions that he will be missing the battle of wits with Hex. Just then a lookout returns to the campfire but it is really JONAH HEX!!!!. Jonah pistol whips Papagayo and turns him in to Col Sanchez.

The next afternoon, Col Sanchez thanks Jonah for returning the necklace and Emmy gets a new bonnet. Then, in an unexpected turn of events...

El Papagayo breaks the fourth wall!!!

Statistics for this issue
Men Killed by Jonah - 0
Running Total - 385
Jonah's Injuries - Knocked unconscious.
Timeline - This one covers two days + "several days". Let's call it a week. By the end of this one we are probably into Dec 1877

I did like this one. Jonah's death, complete with a Wilhelm Scream, was an agonizing ballet of death dancing, the likes I had never seen before. El Papagayo was a wonderful villain but when is he going to learn to shoot Jonah and be done with it? I didn't care for Emmy fainting, it seemed like Fleisher didn't want to write dialogue for her, so he just had her pass out. The ending was very abrupt and then that weird last panel. Oooooooo, Papagayo is talking directly to MEEEEE. (At least, he didn't get his finger blown off whilst pointing at me.)

And how can you NOT love a book that has this???



Next Issue: The most Gawd-awful Jonah Hex story ever penned. And that includes all of the Justice League crossovers.

Jonah Hex # 71 "The Masquerade!"

Jonah Hex #71 April 1983
"The Masquerade!"
Michael Fleisher, story - Dick Ayers & Tony DeZuniga, art - Ross Andru & Dick Giordano, cover

There's Jason standing high atop the boulder, he and his three thugs having gotten the drop on Jonah, Emmy, Tim and Daniels. Jason is sick and tired of his old man giving all of the inheritance away on silly charities. Jonah speaks up and says that he hates to break up the family reunion but he has to get going and that Jason should step aside or...

Jason, stupidly replies "Or what?"

Jonah answers back...

Jason dives behind a rock and opens fire, clipping his dad in the head. Daniels is down (but not dead) and Jonah and Emmy are pinned behind a rock. Jonah gets a bright idea and.. well, I"ll just show ya.

After that, Jonah saddles up to go stop the Manitou. Shortly he spots the Manitou and his Mani-thugs on the cliff planting the dynamite. Jonah dismounts and then catches a slug on the right thigh, cleverly placed there by a Mani-lookout. Jonah, being one to never receive a gift without returning the favor, sends two bullets into the Mani-lookout, causing him to double over (thus creating a Mani-fold) and fall out of his Mani-lookout tree.

Manitou hears the gunfire but continues his rant about leading the Indians against the white man and also continues planting the dynamite.

Jonah is trying to figure out how he's gonna sneak up on the crazy Indians with a bum leg but just then Daniels rides up. Yup, Daniels, his head professionally bandaged by Emmy, has grabbed a horse and found Hex. He tells Hex that he hasn't had any peace since the death of Cassie Wainwright and this is his one chance to atone for his sins. Daniels jumps up and runs off to remove the dynamite.

Meanwhile, Manitou and two of his Mani-thugs are heading for the detonator. They turn and see Daniels running for the dynamite and the thugs head back to stop him. During the fight Daniels is kicked in the head and then double-fist clubbed in the noggin. The Manitou panics and realizes that he has to detonate the charge now. He lunges for the plunger but Daniels is able to get himself, the dynamite and the two thugs over the edge of the cliff before it explodes, thus ruining the Manitous's mani-plans.

Meanwhile, Jonah has worked his way up the cliff and gets the drop on the crazed Indian would-be leader. Jonah and Emmy wave goodbye to Tim Daniels and take the saboteurs into town. The end.

WAAAAAIIIT!! We're only on page 10!!!!

The next morning, in town, Jonah is heading to see the doc while Emmy gets them a room at the hotel. Walking through town, Jonah thinks he sees Mei Ling and runs over to her, only to realize his mistake. He gets to thinking that he isn't really over Mei Ling and that he is leaning on Emmy for emotional support. Something that he has to stop doing.

After seeing the doc, Jonah heads back to the hotel to find their room empty. Jonah inquires at the front desk and learns that Emmy left with 'two Mexican gentlemen' and they left a note. In the note?

Now Jonah is heading to Mexico to find El Papgayo, last seen way back when Jonah was fighting off the Fort Charlotte Brigade. Jonah rides into town and contemplates on the telegram that he sent Col Sanchez, hoping he gets it in time. Jonah takes a seat in the Punta Del Rojo Cantina (I thought it was the PUTA Del Rojo which means Red Whore. My bad). He waits about an hour until three men approach him and threaten to kill him. Stupidly they didn't realize you don't threaten to kill Jonah Hex, you just kill him. But....

Just the El Papgayo walks in and tells Jonah that he tried to stop these men, but kids are so stupid these days. Down to business, Papgayo explains that in order to get Emmy back, Jonah will have to do a favor for Papgayo.

On the ride back to El Papgayo's lair, Papgayo explains that the Mexican government has started cracking down on renegade bandits. However, in one week, President Diaz is having a huge party in the palace in Mexico City and the Spanish Ambassador is bringing a necklace worn by Queen Isabella herself. Papgayo intends on stealing it but knows that the palace would be heavily guarded. He plans on having Hex steal the necklace BUT so that everyone won't think that Papgayo is a coward, Hex will be disguised as El Papgayo when he commits the crime.

A week later, Jonah is in Mexico City, outside the palace. He works his way over the wall and knocks out two guards. Then he slides down a rope off the roof of the palace, right into the party. He grabs the necklace from the neck of the President's wife and heads out the front door. Just as he is about to mount up and ride off.....

Statistics for this Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - 7
Running Total - 385
Jonah's Injuries - Shot in right thigh
Timeline - This one covers about 8 days. The pacing is weird with one arc ending in the middle of the book and another starting right there. Fleisher did this for several issues, I think to boost readership or at least loyalty. Nov of 1877

Next Issue: The death of both Jonah Hex & El Papgayo. It's a two-fer!