End of an Era
It's so easy to just lay here in the Sun.
Relaxing and soaking up the rays and a nice cool drink close at hand.
A little music plays somewhere softly in the distance and the afternoon is perfect. So easy to just drift off and sleep...
But you know how it is, suddenly something has changed, something is so vastly different that it wakes you quickly with your mind fully alert, reaching out, desperately sensing!
The sun has gone and the music silenced.
An ominous black sky has replaced the bright blue and you feel the cold. You stand and reach for your shirt and there in the distance, something terrifying, an approaching tornado unreal in its appearance and uncomfortably quiet. Is it real?
Devastation is all it leaves behind it. Debris and falling things fall from the edges of its cloud.........
Our minds are mines of the Solomon’s kind!
Where treasured memories reside along with hopes and dreams and fantasies
Once upon a time an event happened. This event was the end of an era!
But life is made of choices both good and bad. Shadows of tomorrow are cast by the decisions of today and with those choices come consequences.
There was a girl who it seemed experienced all the tragedies evoked by the end of such an era and to see a world collapse when it was the only world she knew gave her more sadness than anyone should ever see. Even if all the sadness from a lifetime could be collected into one small instant and could be experienced in one single second, then that second could well be the last second ever.
Still choices were made and an escape sought!
In that escape she found a new focus of attentions. She built herself a paper world all around that guy and where did it all go?
Time and time again she embraced it, pretending...............and why? Because any actress worth her salt knows that a role won't last for ever and more than that, it is just a role. Know where you end and the character begins!
But some would say to act it convincingly, be it!
Well, she was it. Or rather she was it for him!
Why she was it, no one will ever know, even she doesn't!
But she wanted him and sadly she was used to having the things she wanted!
Bitch!!!
But she knew! She knew all along and always made him feel her dream, made him believe that one day it could be a real thing. Who was he to doubt her? This girl of alluring and beguiling charm (-drop the 'c'-)
So it never happened. Well not the whole ten pennies! The carrot on a stick!
So she set out to find a replacement, like an altruistic but sorry attempt to restore order and like an offering to the Gods!
She played Cupid and brought him together with another girl.
The start of any him and her is filled with delights of exploring, of doubts apparent and still her claws would not retract.
Still she kept pushed in a hope of seeing results fast...
and where did that get her?
I can't really say.
But the moral is obvious.
Don't try to do God's work for him.
Let some things well alone.
So now the saxophone is put away in a tarnished state!
No longer to play its sexy songs!
Its sultriness is soiled.
And you really have to ask..................... What's the point?
The end of an era was sad.
But never as sad as the night that jazz died.
Silence reigns and another era passes!
For a moment then...
The shadows hide her and she silently watches the play, no cue cards and no prompts.
Satisfaction as she sees the play continue its rehearsal, another step back and another!
The orchestral pit is empty and silent like a forgotten cemetery... yet some distant melody still plays
He no longer shouts out for Lenor and Pallas has no ebony bird upon his marbled head!
The only tap tap tapping are my fingers that beat to a new summer of Vivaldi's magnificence.
Ah the bridge of my cello is like the bridge upon which they meet, yet what strings will they employ?
Eros smiles and takes back his weapon!
Bring me my bow and allow me to C minor developments as horsehair quivers my body.
Ascend I do as I remove myself in arterial motion from the quest I set myself.
The Montague’s and the Capulet’s should see the young hearts run free
Ah would I tiptoe across a lily pond to the deepest part of the forest, where sunlight has broken the canopy
Nostradamus laughs and it echoes throughout the trees as he reads my ill scripted quatrains
The fourth month he shouts will be the time of the bewitched spears!
I nod with satisfaction that he does have a point!
Playfully then, I leave the willowed grove and leave the songs of Oberon and Tatiana, for the halls of the mountain King are no place for the Queen of the night and Artemis beckons me away once more.
Maxwell's Lady shall sink like Arthur's Lady in the lake
Excalibur grasped by the spear warrior well into a showery spring
The third house shall hold dreams, yet still my fingers cast gentle ripples
The water should be stilled and the images clear as wolves are held by lilac branch
Cassandra, no matter Apollo's sin, I believed you.
©
Momo
Dec 30, 2005
12:30
Sea and sky
Look thee to reflections of today
How doth a disturbance detract the view
Look thee deeper into shallow deeds
Oh how refracted sights deceive you
What I did, I saw with my own eyes
yet claim thee that my deed was different.
A torrent of voices where none saw the same
a flood of unfulfilled emotions in concealment.
Wet wings won't carry me away
Yet Patience, for I won't fall like Icarus
So immersed and pulled by your currents
Little realising tempests are treacherous
Calm thy fury, soothing harbor wave
Denied by you in fluid disagreement
You bathed me and took my thirst
Yet the skies call to me, my element
Salt in my wounds won't erode my spirit
But islands in thee it will trace
Softly speak, lest our foe thee evaporate
All to remain, a muddy embrace.
How doth a disturbance detract the view
Look thee deeper into shallow deeds
Oh how refracted sights deceive you
What I did, I saw with my own eyes
yet claim thee that my deed was different.
A torrent of voices where none saw the same
a flood of unfulfilled emotions in concealment.
Wet wings won't carry me away
Yet Patience, for I won't fall like Icarus
So immersed and pulled by your currents
Little realising tempests are treacherous
Calm thy fury, soothing harbor wave
Denied by you in fluid disagreement
You bathed me and took my thirst
Yet the skies call to me, my element
Salt in my wounds won't erode my spirit
But islands in thee it will trace
Softly speak, lest our foe thee evaporate
All to remain, a muddy embrace.
©
Momo
Dec 17, 2005
22:30
Dear Mamma
I dreamed.
I was high on a hill, it was raining and dark but I could see a little house through the dense trees that was lit by lightning flashing in the sky.
I was looking to shelter from this typhoon so pass through the trees and I knock at the door, open and call to who lives inside.
A handsome man bid me enter and from photographs I knew this man to be my grandfather yet somehow it was no surprise that he was here, I was so pleased to see him. He greeted me and had me come to a large fire to warm. I told him I had missed him so much and he just smiled at me.
It was then I noticed a young girl kneeling at the writing desk. She was using the ornate brushes that my Father and my Grandfather had always loved to use. Her strokes were beautiful and I greeted her since my Grandfather had not introduced me. She smiled at me and I asked what it was she wrote of that took her concentration.
She said its a poem for her Mother and held it up for me too see.
When I read it, so much seemed to make sense to me and I just hugged her.
Some dreams just do not last long enough...
Dear Mamma
You mean so much to me
always you are the one to feed me
you work so hard and I see your tears
I never said I love you
but you know I did
and I did see a smile if but once
I am sorrowed
we can not be together
I wanted as you wanted
I am happy that for a moment
we touched, you slept as I waved farewell
You were beautiful, peaceful
I look like you
Mamma, always smile for me
You mean so much to me
always you are the one to feed me
you work so hard and I see your tears
I never said I love you
but you know I did
and I did see a smile if but once
I am sorrowed
we can not be together
I wanted as you wanted
I am happy that for a moment
we touched, you slept as I waved farewell
You were beautiful, peaceful
I look like you
Mamma, always smile for me
This small poem was written by a little girl named Sumomo, named after my Mother.
I knew her touch but for a moment.
But I will know her heart forever.
When I leave this place....
We will be together always.
I knew her touch but for a moment.
But I will know her heart forever.
When I leave this place....
We will be together always.
Housebound
I am housebound!
My visiting nurse says I am overdoing things!
How? I am doing nothing. I hired a help to come clean my apartment.
My brother makes all my meals. I do not leave here.
My medication keeps making me sleep at all times of day. So come the night and darkness enshrouds me I don't sleep full and long.
Perhaps I’ll stop taking them.
I was surprised by a visitor today--she detests my friend Ayu and I thought she detested me too but she came to visit and I invited her in. Sometimes to my shame I feel I am so wrong about people. She was so nice to me and bring for me wonderful gift. I made us tea and we chatted about so much. I feel I have not only not lost touch with the things she mentioned but also seen a side of what's happening in my world from new eyes and a new perspective.
N.... still has contact with my ex and she mentioned him once or twice, I felt sure she was poking needles, but it could have been innocent, so I let it pass and kept my words as neutral as I could about that topic.
So what am I thinking now? I think that sometimes we pull the blinds over windows without caring to know the view. Politics is an awful business to be in and personal politics of what we all experience is the same. We can miss so much and all because of one silly thought.
I don't like you, because you don't like my best friend---I am showing loyalty to my friend, yet I am not the one for any reason they not friends!
So now when Ayu calls, and Ayu decides to moan about N..... What am I to say?
N.... in my new experience is just like us!
She has the same fears, same hopes and desires.
Perhaps the fire will only burn cold?
Ayu will say “she has turned your mind.”
Oh such petty jealousies, and for what? A place on a pedestal!
Why can't we all just be friends...they have both so much and if jealousies were anything to be desired, then I should be jealous of both of them or is that envious?
Sometimes I feel like I am a stranger to that world and to any other that I may care to tread
She left after two hours with me and I felt lonely again but Kushisa (my cat) is so loving and that special man called from work to say he will come tomorrow. I miss him too now
Then I suddenly go all paranoid (what's new?) and I am thinking desperately of my conversation with N......, did I say anything which could find its way into other avenues of communication?
This world that I live in can be so damn petty! Or is it me? Have I lost it? Did I ever have it?
I keep hearing words across my mind as if they were spoken aloud as if some actress narrates her monologue about me on stage in some historic sense.
"She's neurotic!"
"She is a crazy ‘gurl’!"
"No talent, no ability, no good hanger on!"
I read some special letters to me in vain attempt to comfort myself
Then I cried
The truth is....I am not much of anything really, all my life is total farce!
I have been used and I have been guilty of using others in unworthy attempts to get somewhere.
But where is that somewhere?
Is it in the hearts of others?
Is my name so important that I have sacrificed so many other things to make it shine?
It may have been up in lights but they really burn so cold ...and where am I today?
A single nova in the cosmos shines brighter than any galaxy, yet it burns so rapid and then fades to nothing.
Don't you know that life is hell?
The sacrifice, the frustration and all my pain laid bear, is that all I have to show?
And then I have to consider what of tomorrow?
Can I be a mother, can I have respect for just that?
Can my man love a foolish girl who never grew up? One who never knew how to reign in her emotions?
Why would he marry a faded Nova?
An emptiness in space
that's all that remains
oh damn you entropy, damn you and damn me too!
The cynic of Shibuya #1
I feel venom, like all the snakes I ever saw and I know not where to spit it.
I really want to be me, like I always was but I have so much sadness. Life sucks with neon blinding hatred. The sun fills my eyes but the rest of me is enshrined in deep dark shadows
There is an empty barren land within me. There was a little garden, I nurtured and cared for, but the fates came and took it from me. The wind died and the sun went out, great earthquakes shook my Earth and the cities collapsed. When helping hands pulled me from the ruins, I knew that I was so alone.
The beating drum was silent and the waves no longer crashed against the beach, The raging seas were as a still stagnant pond.
Walls of white and men in green filled my life and no where could I turn for familiars
Then he came with eyes sadder than mine, He reached to me with sympathy but I turned to hide the fact that my face was gone.
The greatest treasure this world could give was mine. I held it so close, so precious
diamonds could fall from the skies in torrents and fill deep Jade valleys, yet still the value would not compare to that one treasure which I lost.
He gave it to me and I could not maintain my grasp. Cruelly snatched away by the uglies that swim the floods that decimate lives
Doors are closed and the halls must remain in respectful silence. Writers of gleeful morbidity and their cousins whose gossip of broken hearts bring entertainment to readers on the morning metro shall be denied and no shadow will they cast in my skies. For once more I must seek the sun. Even if I have to climb the highest of mountains
The curtain falls on another scene and no audience applauds.
The promoter wants his box office, yet the director claims it as a rehearsal
He says it was meant as a fairy tale much akin to Grimm
But grim became the theme, like Dante in its production
As the lights are dimmed, the actress picks the solitary flower from the stage
Under the prop of the willow tree, diamonds glisten on her cheeks as she regards the wilting bloom.
Another empty theater and another empty dream
Torn pages of Shakespearian tragedy litter the route to her dressing room
The girl in the mirror cries tears of pain
Because what she searches for will never be the same
That lonely road that stretches far away
a western horizon that leaves behind the day.