A little recreation

Have you ever been so tired that for a moment you fall asleep at work, you fall asleep traveling to and from work. Your exertions have left you in a mind numbing state very similar to some kind of drunken fatigue. Details slip from your mind and the effort you need to keep it all in a coherent state has simply gone and the mental image that you held precious falls down around you (please avoid cliches) like a house of cards in an Earthquake.
My eyes are already closed and then my head nods suddenly and almost violently. This shock shakes you back into a wakeful state and the conflicting mental images are "what was I doing/thinking and how long is it until I can go and curl up?
Now is the time such questions as: What did I have for breakfast this morning? And what were Hitomi's last words to me before I left home? What are my appointments and schedules for today?
I think there are a few people such as control freaks who could do it and reel off such answers like a speaking diary but not I! I have a complete memory failure and it's worrying to the point of frightening to touch such an emptiness. Of course it will all come back to me after just a few seconds and perhaps even sooner with the help of some hot, strong coffee but for a moment, just a single short moment, you can hesitate on the pondering uncertainty and be completely suspended outside of the conscious present. I momentarily exist within a broken continuity and the gaps from the past confirm my imperfections. It has such a natural moment of such a hollow void that it may have the followers of Zen chasing a suddenly desirable fatigue! I think they should sleep on it before actually trying it.
The answer is of course to try and get more sleep!

Aki is a friend of mine from a rival publication and we caught each other, as a lot of us all do as we attend more or less the same venues, and had lunch together. One of the topics that we broached was what strange things we actually did as a more bizarre form or recreation. I slowly realized that outside of work and family, I spend my free time out socializing or I'm on the net or I'm watching movies or I'm out shopping or I could be doing all kinds of ordinary things. I'm not like Hitomi, who collects her 'Rilakkuma' items and does her dance class and I didn't want to admit how ordinary I was and that I was verging on the edge of boring. How to admit that I just blogged and was almost the stereotyped working housewife. So I decided to reveal that I freelanced for lesbian magazines and often contributed with articles and erotic stories that were based not only upon my own experiences but also of tales that I've heard in the bars and the odd fantasy that I've dreamed. Actually I haven't freelanced for those magazines for almost two years but hey, that's just between you and I right?
She told me she liked to dial random telephone numbers.
That was unusual enough to captivate my attention. I was all ears!
She gets plenty of dead ends, engaged signals and error messages but occasionally someone picks up.
"Hi, I've called your number purely at random so that I may try to have a conversation with a stranger, would you like to talk with me?"
Laughingly she told me some people ask if she's crazy or reply with other stronger insults or they may simply hang up. Some though are intrigued enough to ask about her and as she reveals a little of herself, they slowly speak of themselves too. A conversation between two total strangers begins.
If you are anything like me then all kinds of possibilities will cross your imagination.
I was intrigued enough to at least consider trying it one night!
Comment if you have thoughts on that or have tried it or you have a strange pastime.

Saturday morning found me at Yoshie for the billiard hall shoot.
It took just over three hours for the shoot and the video, of which I Have placed some photos and an edited version of video footage in my album (see link at foot of post). I would like to thank my wonderful photographers for the day, Benkei on stills and Norio on Video and of course Etsuya San, who is an amazing director.
The outfit I wore, which was a black and white lace 'bunny' outfit, was at least one size too small for me and I have a sneaking suspicion that this was deliberate. They say sexiness sells but after popping out of my outfit twice produced a titter or two from myself I had to turn around and adjust myself. Thankfully, for my own feelings, there was not a giggle to be heard from the crew because they were far too professional. It was a great pleasure working with them.

I quite enjoy these promotional events. I won't say there isn't any stress involved because it is there but it's a different kind than the one I endure in my other position and it is said that a change is as good as a rest.
The spice of life!


Click!

Update

Miss Iceberg returned home last night from her sojourn in the hills and I have put some video up of her successful and skillful use of the board. You can see that she is very accomplished in just about everything she does. I am quite good at falling over on snow and ice. Actually I don't even think I need the assistance of solid water to fall over.

My favorite kind of ice are the cubes that I have in my vodka and lemon or Baileys Irish cream. Needless to say that on her return she brings home more of her little Rilakkuma souvenirs.

Nanako came over for dinner with us until her man came to pick her up. He didn't arrive until a few minutes before midnight because he was working late in the office

I am wearing a little bit of an extra width to my smile this month because my first months pay arrived from my promotions engagements and I am very happy with the small extra that I've received. Already I'm thinking of buying a new trench coat and dropping by to get my hair and eye-lashes done.

Errand wise I have to book into my dentist for my regular check up and I need to re-supply my cosmetic counter, I just didn't get the time to replace what I've used. There is so much that I want to do and where is my time to come from?
I had news this week that I have the recreation hall promo this weekend. A photo shoot of stills and camera.

I have toyed with the idea that if I can make a success of my venture into promotions that like my sweetie, I would move into it full time. Of course the two drawbacks that snap me out of that fantasy are that the work can be quite irregular and of course it's most likely to 'dry up' as soon as I develop my wrinkles and white hair!

Knowing my luck, my signs of age would all come prematurely and I would be consigned to the scrap-heap of promotions life just as I started to enjoy it all
"It's better the devil you know than the devil you don't." and I think even as an old and white haired lady I can still bash away at my keyboard.
So much for the dreams and fantasies then! Next week I'm on assignment with my dear friend Riko again as we go and test the waterproof claims of some manufacturers. I expect to get very wet!

The die is cast

And with such a cast it's enough to give anyone stage fright!
Such a die-cast play on words!

Miss Icebreaker has gone for a winter break with her sister, Nanako, and I'm left behind in the cold.
Wait!
She's living in the brisk cold air up in the mountains and I'm snuggled up here in the warmth.
Ha ha ha ha!
I couldn't get any time away from my manacles and so I'm here with my nose at the grindstone and slaving away my hours.
Depressing isn't it?
I can tell you dear diary that there is no outlet for these mass depressions brought on by this and the quashed desires locked away in the dark recesses inside and in being constrained by wearing the straight jackets of regimented routines.

Manic street preachers - Suicide is painless

Sadly one of the workers on our ground floor committed suicide last Thursday. He and another person hanged themselves from the supporting beams in the communal cellars of his apartment block. Of course the company tries to keep closed lip about it but I would imagine as anywhere else, some of the details leak out and get mixed in with regular normal office gossip. Apparently his cell phone had a lot of messages from suicide groups. I think 'suicide group' chat rooms only exist in Japan, I have never heard of them being elsewhere. The act of committing suicide takes a single moment of desperation to overcome our basic survival instinct. It takes an act of bravery. As everyone knows it's easier to be a little braver when you have someone with you. These suicide groups are just people looking for a suicide mate and as quickly as the government close these sites down, they just reappear elsewhere.
When they opened his locker they found amongst his possessions, a copy of the manual of suicide, a book written over 15 years ago and is still in the high sales lists. The book wasn't banned like it would have been in most other countries because our criminal codes only seem to apply to graphic sexuality. We simply slapped an age restriction label on it to prevent teens buying it and even that was dependent upon the local authorities.
When did that stop them obtaining it you can ask yourself? Even in your country if there is something teens should not have I think you can think of instances of someone having it when you were in school with them. The book has been found with a lot of suicide victims from the fourteen year old girl who felt unable to live up to the expectations of her in school to the regular procession of businessmen who hang themselves in 'suicide forest'. The book itself does not present an unbiased reasoning into the ideas behind suicide. It actually asks the question 'why live?' and then gives chapters on how to commit suicide, the pain intensity, the length of time each method takes and the appearance of your body afterwards.
I am neither for nor against the book and I'd like to sit in my neutral position with this. My condolences for his wife and two children that now have to struggle on without him.

I know how it feels to stand on the edge of the precipice deep in contemplation of ending it all but I also know how it feels to desperately try to hold on when the fates would conspire to end it all for you. The official figures would indicate the one hundred people commit suicide here in Japan each and every day.
I don't know what's wrong here and I'm sure many others with cultures and philosophies different from ours may voice their opinions and suggestions. The suicide rate is high, the population becomes old and playgrounds lie empty and schools close due to a lack of babies being born. The government now tries to encourage the mindset of employers to employ married ladies with children and to ask young married couples to have children. Unfortunately this meets with the barriers of established mindsets and women protesting that we are human beings trying to live our lives in this society and we are not baby making machines.

I have three brothers. My two oldest are married and my youngest lives with his long time girlfriend and I'm with my girlfriend. From my Fathers four children then, only one son has produced one child. We are not  a poor family and so we cannot blame financial pressures as any measure of restricting us but I think the way we live our lives with our commitments and our responsibilities and our social obligations have dictated our live style choices with regards to having or not having children.

A kiss is just a kiss

Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.
Yes I was in the "Casablanca", only this 'Casablanca' was the nightclub in Shinjuku and I was doing my Zima thing again. We passed the Mars and Madame Singularity decided to go it alone and go show her face for the both of us and I continued on to the Casablanca. It took several presses of the bell before someone actually answered the intercom and buzzed me in. When she met me on the stairs she seemed to think that I was the new staff!
I explained that I was there for the Zima promotion and I was finally shown through to the back room where my Zima colleague was changing and having her face painted. I changed in the toilet since more people than those who walked through the train station seemed to be walking through that little room.

Anzu was my colleague for the evening. She was quite a little chatter-box and remembers me quite well from a story I did about the Kyoto kimono show last year where we shared  some happy hours together. It seems the fundamental things apply as time goes by in this very small world of ours!

The Borgartesque  nightclub was very different from the beer garden of our last promotion and Anzu was a very different girl from Yoshie but with different characters and set in a different location didn't detract it all from the story being the same.
Play it again Sam!

Stranded

Far from the suffocating swells of Shibuya and further still from the madding crowds of Casterbridge, lies an open expanse of hardy and desolate countryside. Unprotected land stripped bare of any shelter save for the steel skeletons bearing aloft the energy cables to feed distant places and where cold Siberian winds find the exposed flesh of adventurers and explorers alike and drink greedily from their precious joules. Here in such adversity stand our intrepid duo.

After arriving in the middle of nowhere to meet with a man from nowhere to talk about something that could have led to nowhere but fortunately did not, Hitomi and I found getting back home from nowhere was much, much harder than arriving here. The road to nowhere has no more tears and is far from the 'budokan hall' but it was as easy to get here as allowing the current to take you over that waterfall. Swimming back was met with the same difficulty that spawning salmon have!

The trains ran back every half hour and we missed the first one by five minutes and then missed the next one because we went for some coffee and it had both arrived and departed early. The next one didn't come at all because of some staff problem and the one after that was ten minutes late. Ten long minutes doesn't sound too bad if you can manage to forget the first ninety freezing cold minutes, except that those late minutes made it was late enough to miss the connection into Tokyo and so more delays. I wonder how much of our lives we actually waste waiting for planes, trains and buses!  My Friday morning appointment at the hospital was routine and it's becoming more painful mentally than physically. Perhaps I'll ask that my next appointment include a psychiatrist! They may have better luck at finding something inside my head than the MRI. 

My stars! I'm such a cynic

The video is a Korean band, "After School" and the story behind the song is....

... Supposedly a lesbian love triangle! I don't think so from the lyrics! But it's a nice song and a good dance routine.

TRANSLATION LYRICS HERE

Shuriken

Hitomi and I went to see "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"
That sounds very intriguing doesn't it? It's actually a Swedish movie showing at the 'rise' and we thought that it may be quite stimulating for a lazy Sunday afternoon. It's a story about a strange detective partnership of a mid life crisis publisher and a young abused punk hacker who together, team up to find the answers to a cold case about a girl presumed murdered forty years ago. It's a really weird movie and we were drawn by the trailers and the fact that it was a big hit in Sweden and the book did very well at the publishing awards. I think what carries this movie are the strange relationships of the even stranger personalities of all the characters. If you like sophisticated plot twists in crime drama with an ending you would find hard to predict then this is a must see movie.

After leaving the theater we decided to have a drink at the Mars. We are fairly regular on Saturday nights and we have been known to drop by on other nights too but it was interesting to see the difference of the Sunday night crowd. It's strange how we can feel to be a part of the environment when it's our own familiar Saturday night and yet strangely Sunday seemed to me to be the mars of a parallel dimension. It was filled with such regularity and prosaic feelings and yet it had the aura of cool distance with foreign flavors. It felt like being in a duplicate copy of a lovely bar we once knew a thousand years ago. I knew perhaps ten faces in the crowd of seventy and I was at once uncomfortable when one of the faces I saw in the crowd was that of the girl with the piercing black eyes. I saw here there last time at the Christmas party, I don't know her and yet she's so awfully familiar in a 'past life' kind of way. We drank up and decided to go eat at the Thai restaurant instead.

On Monday morning Yoshi phoned me with some good news. There is another 'Zima night' this Saturday if I want it. I of course said yes I do. The venue is the Casablanca, which is a pretty good nightclub not far from me so travel will be fairly easy. There's also an upcoming shoot for the recreation hall campaign, dates to be confirmed later. I still worry about cramming all of my work schedules into condensed little time slots to allow me the time to do other things. I don't just mean this foray into advertising and promotions but also everything else I want and need to do.
I have my first medical check this Friday and I've cleared my morning schedule for that which of course has to be a priority for me. I have found myself becoming agitated and frustrated when I'm left waiting because I'm not allowing myself flexibility in my timing for the schedules of others, my own being so tight now. It really becomes a problem when Hitomi notices it and my moods are a little darker by the time I get home. It's easy to say leave our work mind with all its problems at the office but a lot of my work also happens at home. Oh for a little sanctuary! I have no right to complain about these matters when I've actively taken on a little more in my life but this extra vocation really is a money earner and a pleasurable experience and important variety from my usual routines. Perhaps everyone thinks the same thing about a new position and a new role. I'll wait on my final judgments until the time when I've see the claws unsheathed. I hope I'm scratch resistant!

There have been some serious things in my mind lately and there has to be changes made soon because I know what will happen. It's happened before when I let the stress get to me. I'm contemplating a week out in March and just go somewhere to relax. I am not revealing what things are in my mind at this moment other to say that I have some things that I feel I need to complete and I have some things that I think I could change to make my life a little more happier. I am also becoming aware of some problems and I think or hope that those matters need to be addressed soon starting this Friday.

I want to leave you with a lovely song and yes the video is a little lesbian iconic but I hope you can enjoy the feeling the music and images convey.
Sarah Brightman & Enigma: "Eden"

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

A minute passed. Another minute passed followed quickly by a succession of more minutes. This led to an hour and another that quickly added up to a whole day. Once a few more days had passed, Tomomi suddenly realized that a week had seemingly evaporated and she hadn't posted any new blog. Her readers still came in the vain hope of seeing some new words to entertain them and upon seeing none, they had drifted off to find more worthwhile pursuits!

Monday morning had been the usual hectic rush of chasing up anything unprofessionally left undone from last week and also saw us chasing up anything that had materialized over the weekend and had still remained incomplete. A round of meetings followed that and then I discovered that some of us had been booked into training days. I know these days are designed to improve and sharpen our scant few skills but I can't help thinking that my name was deliberately drawn out of the hat! I do sadly admit that I think that some of my work recently has been below the expected level and it's also true that I may have been a little distracted by other things in my life lately. So the two days out were a welcome break from my usual routines and of course it was a chance to reflect on ways in which I may improve myself.
Creative presentations, interview techniques and even note taking were a part of the course. I scribbled my notes in my notebook frivolously, especially about the note taking and I took note that even basic ethics were included, doubtless due to certain recent litigations against individuals and publications. How suitable, how simple and yet how precise. The poise of the final written articles, no matter how noteworthy, are read and consumed and very often forgotten like dust in the wind.

Lies were the topic of an evening with the girls on Thursday. I invited my friends, Riko and Mizuki from work, to our restaurant. I think it developed from a lie someone had told Riko and the way she said it had Mizuki and I nodding our heads and thinking we'd been told the very same lie somewhere in our past.
Am I a liar?
Are you a liar?
Well let's consider the number of times that we have uttered a phrase along the times of "I was just about to call you", "You're looking good today!" and the world wide favorite, "I love you too!" Whether it's the huge and most unbelievable lie that you ever heard in your life or the tiny little one that you suspect won't really matter, a lie is a lie. We all do it as if it is a natural function of survival and perhaps in today's society it has become just that. In my 'about me' write up in the side-bar of my blog I state that when I look at the world I see it through rose tinted lenses. Well of course I take them off on many occasions in order to see the "true colors!" I am not so blind or blinkered!

As a small child we tell lies. Lies that we think will save us from consequences of the terrible truth we conceal. We say them and we naively believe that adults will be fooled by our insincere words.
As adults now what do we think when we hear today's children say the very same lines that we used?
As we get older, the lies gain depth and grow in sophistication. Socially successful people tend to be good liars and yet even with the advantages that lying brings, it would be obvious if you care to think about it that that there are consequences for the liar and the one being lied to and believes it.

People like to hear good things about themselves and so one form of lying, like saying they look good or that we agree with them even if we don't think this at all, sometimes gives us a social advantage over others. Of course this is a form of dishonesty but not everyone is as honest as you my dear reader.
Remember that time you said "Oh yes I've read that book too" or "Oh yes, I saw that movie a month ago" just to be able to establish a common bond. How about the lies that make you appear better in their eyes like "Oh yes, I graduated with honors" or "Yes, I traveled to Europe and stayed in five capital cities." Most people think they are above average and so tell lies in order to support this imagined position.

Did you know that I passed my advanced driving course and so I'm probably a better driver than you?

OK that was a blatant lie of mine. Actually I should concentrate more on my driving because stationary objects sometimes like to bump into me. It's a lie I could tell you just to make me feel good and also support my imagined favorable driving skills in your eyes. This stretched out and exaggerated self view we all hold about ourselves helps us to protect our self image.
Last December I was not happy with my weight and I could stand in front of Hitomi and ask her "Do I look good naked, am I gaining weight?" She would look at me and give me a compliment and probably lie to me. She loves me so she would say nice things no matter how I looked. But because she knew that I'd set myself a target and that she saw me working hard to achieve it, I would say "Hitomi, please be very honest with me because I need the truth, am I losing weight, is my tummy more trim?" Phrasing it this way permits her to step outside the loyal supportive lie she may have given me and to offer me truth whether good or bad.

Lies inside relationships, which is how Riko started our topic that night, probably start off small and harmless and then in some terrible self perpetuating catastrophe become bigger and bigger and the whole relationship becomes one of dishonesty.
I am now going to say something which my male readers will feel terrible about and become certain that Jazz is picking on males again!
When females lie, we tend to lie to make who we're talking to feel good or perhaps make the situation that we're in run better. "Yes you're right. I agree with what you say" and "Oh baby you were the best!" Whereas men tend to lie mostly to make themselves look better, "I once sang with a band" and "I won a trophy competing at Le Mans."
I am very tempted to use the verb 'aggrandize" when talking of the male inflating his ego with lies in this post but I had best not since I am considering that most of my readers are male and they tend to become extremely defensive about themselves especially when some big mouth and uncaring cold lesbian who knows nothing about males starts on her rants and deliberations.
Please read the last paragraph of the tabbed quotation under "The truth about lies heading here for a little corroboration.

It's a world of constant little lies and yet so easily we assume that since we ourselves are "fairly" honest (laughs), then others are also being quite honest with us! In fact unless we are quite definitely cynical about everything it is so much easier to believe what we are being told than trying to detect the sweet little lies. The more sophisticated the lie being told to us is then the more effort our mind has to give to even attempt detection.
Some lies may be harmless but some lies can ruin things that have been built up by people over long periods of time. As I brushed my teeth that night I looked at the girl in the mirror and I asked her 'what are you good at, what are your strong points and where are the areas you feel at your weakest?'
Of course that was a very private conversation but you could try the same thing with your mirror and if the one in your mirror is honest with you then you may learn some startling facts!

Oh you're a lesbian?
One of the things that annoys me about gay people, and we lesbians can be just as bad as gay men in this situation, is that some feel the need to announce it over and over and over....
Imagine for a moment that I'm a 'straight' girl and I'm in a bar and a guy is chatting to me with lines like...
"Yes I was promoted at work last month and I'm a heterosexual."
"I managed to get a cost effective deal by obtaining quotes from several suppliers. I have no girlfriend and I'm a heterosexual."
"Thanks for accepting my invite to dinner. I'd like to say that despite my cool and conservative appearance, I am a hot blooded male. I see you are an attractive female and I'm a heterosexual."
These lines sound pathetic right?
So imagine how it sounds when Anita says, "Hi, I'm Anita, Aquarius, Jimmy Choo fanatic and I'm gay!"
And you hear it again and again. "Hey is this a lesbian bar, I'm a lesbian you know!"
"Hey there's a march next week supporting gay rights for animals in the third world let's all attend, by the way, I'm gay!"
Get over it! We know what you are.
In my opinion if you keep ramming something down people's throats (is there any innuendo there?) then it starts to alienate the cause that you support so animatedly and enthusiastically. In the world of extremes we find that some people are afraid or have other genuine reasons why they remain in the closet. Yet some people hold the closet door open and demand that you and most other 'sick of hearing it general public victims' take a guided tour of it every single day!


Saturday saw the love of my life returned to me after another period of working in the far distant corners of the country. During the week a section of the roof above her work station had become damaged by recent heavy rains and the supporting bolts for a metal rod used to hold up promotional banners had become loose. The rod had simply broken away and swung down in a circular motion and although someone shouted out a warning, Hitomi had turned to see what was wrong and the end of the metal rod crashed into her and knocked her forcibly to the floor. She was taken to hospital as a matter of precaution to check for internal damage and any signs for possible concussion but luckily her injuries were superficial and she was back to work the next day.
My lover is quite a tough girl you know!
I plan to nurse her back to full health with lots of loving care.