The Top Ten Signs that you're a Fundamentalist Christian.

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours. 

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt. 

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God. 

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees! 

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky. 

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old. 

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving." 

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity. 

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God. 

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

(Source.)

Last night's Top Ten, and yet another reason why I avoid "bucket food" restaurants.

I saw the original videos posted on Reddit the other day, and was so disgusted by them that I had a hard time eating my own dinner.

I hate places like the Golden Corral and simply refuse to go there regardless of what others in my family may want.

That WAS a funny Top Ten by Letterman however.

Must be seen: Top Ten Thoughts Going Through Paul Ryan's Mind at This Moment.

Just click that goofy picture to watch David Letterman hilariously eviscerate Paul Ryan.

I laughed so hard I almost cried.

By the way here is a picture of the President, Vice President, and Ryan directly after the debate.

Mitt Romney reads Top Ten List on Late Night as Letterman mocks him.

God that was painful to watch.

Letterman always pokes fun at the celebrity guests who come on to read the Top Ten list, but in this case you can almost feel his disdain for Romney. And the VERY pointed jokes at his expense seem to reflect that.

For the sake of comparison you can watch Rick Perry's turn early last November right after his debate debacle.

If the Romney campaign really believes that people will warm up to Mitt if they just see more of him, I have to say THAT may be a strategic error.

Rick Perry attempts to recover from debate gaffe by doing David Letterman's Top Ten last night.

Okay did anybody else notice anything odd about Perry's demeanor during this clip?

Make your own observation and then check below the fold for my tweet to see if we are on the same page.

Keith Olbermann delivered Letterman's Top Ten List last night.

Top Ten Little Known Facts About John Boehner

Just a little comedy to cleanse of palate of that nasty Sarah Palin aftertaste.

You know, the same reason that Todd, may or may not, go to see prostitutes.

David Letterman's Top Ten Sarah Palin Tips for Writing a Book.

Oh my God that made me laugh.

P.S. If you enjoyed that you might get a kick out of the second part of Dave's monologue which has a number of funny Sarah Palin jokes in it.

Letterman's Top Ten Questions to ask yourself before spending $63,500 for dinner with Sarah Palin.

(H/T To Huffington Post whose take on this you can read by clicking the title.)

The anniversary of 9-11 depresses me, so before I go out for an evening of fun with friends I thought I should leave you with a little levity tonight.

First up is David Letterman's "Top Ten Joe Wilson Excuses". You can't go wrong with Dave.



Not bad, I liked number two the best.

Now here is Craig Ferguson's opening monologue from last night's show. He dedicated virtually the whole thing to Rep. Joe Wilson and his stupidity. It starts about 2:35 in the video.



I am a huge fan of Craig Ferguson. He never fails cracks me up. Of course it may just be his accent.

If Sarah thought the jokes would stop when she resigned then she does not know David Letterman. Top Ten Messages on Sarah Palin's Answering Machine.

10) "Hi, It's George W. Bush. Why didn't anyone tell me resigning was an option?"

9) "It's John McCain -- why did I call?"

8) "Mark Sanford here. Ever been to Argentina?"

7) "I'm calling from Geico to see if you want to renew your dogsled insurance"

6) "It's Letterman -- we still cool?"

5) "McCain again. Still no idea why I called"

4) "Hi, it's the dry cleaner. Having trouble getting caribou blood out of your Prada jacket"

3) "Hi, it's Sarah...oops...dialed my own number"

2) "Schwarzenegger here. If you want a job, California could use a new governor"

1) "Hey, it's McCain. Who would've thought you'd retire before I did?"

If you click the title you can watch a video of Letterman reading them off himself. Personally I always prefer his delivery.

David Letterman's Top Ten Highlights of Sarah Palin's trip to New York.

Just click the title to watch the video segment.

10 Visited New York landmarks she normally only sees from Alaska
9 Laughed at all the crazy-looking foreigners entering the U.N.
8 Made moose jerky on Rachael Ray
7 Keyed Tina Fey's car
6 After a wink and a nod, ended up with a kilo of crack
5 Made coat out of New York City rat pelts
4 Sat in for Kelly Ripa. Regis couldn't tell the difference.
3 Finally met one of those Jewish people Mel Gibson's always talking about
2 Bought makeup from Bloomingdale's to update her "slutty flight attendant" look
1 Especially enjoyed not appearing on Letterman

Well with George Bush no longer in office David Letterman has to be able to make fun of SOMEBODY!

Sadly his source of new material is my freaking Governor.

Update: Right on cue Palin is now attacking David Letterman. Damn woman didn't you learn anything from what happened to John McCain? You never piss off David Letterman! He will hand you your ass if you do. (I must give a hat tip to two of my commenter's for bringing this to my attention. Thank you Madcity Chick and Anonymous, whoever you are.

David Letterman's "Top Ten Surprises in the Sarah Palin memoir".

Very funny!

Thanks Dennis.

The Christian Anti-Defamation Commission identifies its Top Ten Instances of Christian Bashing in America in 2008. You are not going to believe this.

This list is so full of paranoia and persecution complexes that I have to believe that MOST true Christians would not even want to be associated with it.

However I was very struck by the examples that made the top three.

INSTANCE #3: Barack Obama Defames Christianity
According to research into President Elect Obama's own statements about faith, and an examination of Obama's position on moral issues, CADC has determined that by any biblical and historic Christian standard, Barack Obama is not a Christian, although he claims he is a "devout Christian."

"By any biblical and historic Christian standard". What does that mean? Obama's dedication to his faith, and his church attendance, are demonstrably much more impressive then George Bush's were when he first ran for President.

President-elect Obama has had to defend his choices as it relates to his religion at least four times in the recent past.

First when the Republican political machine accused candidate Barack Obama of being a Muslim. (Apparently his name made it almost impossible for them to accept that he was not a radical Islamic extremist.)

Second when his pastor Jeremiah Wright's fiery rhetoric defined him as the "wrong kind of Christian". (Obama tried to support his good friend and pastor until Reverend Wright made such a defense impossible for the Democratic candidate.)

Third when Barack Obama had to defend his participation in a televised forum held at Rick Warren's Saddleback church, with opponent John McCain. (Rick Warren's past statements comparing gays to child abusers made him an even more controversial religious figure for Obama to associate with then the reverend Wright. Well in some circles at least)

And for the fourth example we have the return of Rick Warren, now giving the invocation at Obama's inauguration which has angered many in the Democratic base.

Does anybody remember George Bush having to defend HIS faith against attack when HE ran for President in 2000? No? So WHOSE faith does not achieve the "biblical and historic Christian standard" of a TRUE Christian?

INSTANCE #2: Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin Is Attacked
Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin, came under sharp attack by some in the mainstream media because she self-identifies as a Christian. The Washington Post published a cartoon by Pat Oliphant mocking Palin because she has a background as a Pentecostal/Charismatic Christian. A suspicious arson fire at Sarah Palin's home church recently caused over $1,000,000 in damage.

Just for the record Sarah Palin was NOT attacked for being Christian. She was attacked for allowing an African minister, who became famous for driving "witches" from their villages, to pray over her in a church that taught its congregation to prepare for a battle with the forces of evil in Wasilla, where they believed Jesus was going to make his triumphant return any day.

She was also called out on her belief that Creationism should be taught in science classrooms, and for her stand against abortion and sex education.

It is not the fact that she is a Christian that is the problem for many people. It is the KIND of crazy ass, literal bible believing fundamentalist Christianity that her old church taught her to believe in that is the problem.

And finally, the #1 Christian Bashing Instance in America for 2008...

INSTANCE #1: Radical Homosexuals Assault Prop 8 Marriage Supporters in California
During and after the November campaign stories flooded in of pro-Prop 8 signs being taken, people verbally and physically assaulted, church property and private automobiles vandalized, and person's jobs and pastor's lives threatened simply for exercising their right to campaign and vote in support of traditional marriage.

Well you certainly cannot have a list like this without including "teh gays". It would be like building a tree fort and leaving out the tree. Some things are just vitally important to the Christian sense of righteousness. However it is important to note that "teh gays" only had a problem with the Mormon church AFTER they helped to create a change in the California state constitution to define marriage as solely between people of the opposite sex.

So go ahead and click the title, read the entire list, and then meet me right back here. I have something I want to say.

Done? Good. Here is what I want to say. Bullshit!

Too direct? Oh well, too bad because the list is bullshit.

Look you cannot claim to be persecuted if your religion is the most powerful religion in the world.

You cannot claim persecution if almost ALL of your politicians claim to share your faith.

You just cannot do it.

This kind of victim mentality is becoming epidemic in the Christian community and it is simply ridiculous. Sarah Palin has embraced it to get more media attention and to find a scapegoat for her sliding poll numbers. The Mormon church has embraced it to explain the backlash they received after they helped push through Proposition 8. And even Obama buddy Rick Warren has embraced it to explain why so many people do not want him to give the invocation. (Not that whole "gays are like pedophiles" thing.)

There are plenty of real victims in this world. But the Christian religion? Not so much.

David Letterman gives us the Top Ten George Bush moments. Can you believe we let this guy run our country?

I am torn between the desire to laugh and the desire to cry.

Obviously this list was compiled before the Iraqi shoe throwing incident. Because in my opinion NOTHING beats that!

David Letterman's Top Ten last night. Top Ten messages left on Rod Blagojevich's answering machine.

I am just in a comedic mood today.

Some days I just want to laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

I sure beats the hell out of crying.

David Letterman's Top Ten Eliot Spitzer excuses.

I think we all deserve a much needed laugh.