Man literally pulls a gun because his penis is not working properly.

Courtesy of Twin Cities.com:  

After pulling out a pistol and demanding a working penis pump, a man fled from a St. Paul adult video store and sex shop Wednesday evening and remains "at large," police said. 

The man walked into Viva Video, at 918 University Ave., seeking to exchange a penis pump he had purchased, claiming it didn't work as advertised. The clerk argued that any problems were due to "operator error," a police report said. 

At that point, the man pulled out a handgun and pointed it at the clerk's head, again demanding a replacement for his used pump. He fled without a new pump, saying he'd be back.

You know some things simply do not require my commentary.

Of course don't let that stop all of you.

Illinois Republican (Jim Sacia) finally states, for the record, that 2nd Amendment supporters equate guns with their penises.

Courtesy of Raw Story:

“Here is the problem in Illinois,” he said on the House floor. “I love you folks in Chicago. You’re the ones that have the problem, you have a runaway gun problem. Don’t blame the rest of us. This isn’t about Democrats, it’s not about Republicans. It’s because Chicago wants a warm fuzzy. ‘Let’s pass a bill that will eliminate assault rifles.’ Last year there were more people killed with hammers than with assault rifles.” 

“Here’s an analogy folks, I ask you to think of this. You folks in Chicago want me to get castrated because you’re families are having too many kids. It spells out exactly what is happening here. You want us to get rid of guns.”

What have I been saying?

Essentially the reason that men fight so damn hard to hang onto their guns is because they have become the substitute for their manhood.

They are afraid that if you take away their guns you make them vulnerable and impotent, and that frightens them to death.

Look let me say this, I live in Alaska where there are actual wild animals no more than a quarter of a mile from me at any given time and I completely understand the desire to have a weapon to even up the odds. (I don't carry one, but then I am Alaskan born and raised.) But if you own a gun, or a bunch of guns, because you feel frightened of your government, or because it makes you feel like man, then you have a serious problem and, in my opinion, should absolutely NOT have access to weapons of any kind.

In other words if your manhood is something metal that you put into a holster, then simply put there is NOTHING manly about you.

Man with illegal gun shoots off penis. Oh the irony is strong with ths one.

Courtesy of Digital Journal:  

A security guard in Trinidad and Tobago has been hospitalized after accidentally shooting his own penis off with a .38 caliber handgun. 

The Trinidad and Tobago Guardian reports that the unidentified 33-year-old Lopinot resident was rushed to the San Fernando General Hospital on Sunday suffering from a gunshot wound that obliterated his manhood. 

According to the Guardian, a Rio Claro resident called police around 8 a.m. after to report hearing a gunshot coming from a parked car. Officers responding to the call found the man slumped over behind the steering wheel. He was bleeding from a wound in his groin and a .38 pistol was found in his pocket. 

It was later determined that the man did not have a permit for the handgun. Authorities say he will likely be charged with illegal possession of a firearm and ammunition when he recovers. 

There are a lot of really mean spirited jokes that I feel are appropriate here, however I am so tightly curled into the fetal position at the very thought of being shot in my happy place that I just cannot seem to think of one.

Now of course this incident happened in Trinidad and not America. But if as Americans you are feeling left out, don't worry it has happened in this country more than a few times.

Once in Florida in 2010,

Again in 2010, this time in Seattle, where the man missed his penis but did manage to exercise his 2nd Amendment rights on his testicles.

And then again in Arizona in 2011,where the genius also managed to blow the damn thing completely off. (Fun fact: It was his girlfriend's gun.)

You know I cannot speak for these gentleman, but the only "accidental discharge" I want associated with my penis is the one that forces me to change my sheets, NOT one that forces me to change my gender.

I'm just saying.

The Daily Show explores the issue of sexual inadequacy and the practice of "male enhancement" as addressed by Soldier of Fortune magazine.

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It is a rare thing indeed to witness males so open about their fears and insecurities.

I mean most guys would hide their shame, and minimize the fact that they feel less than "manly". But these fellows actually  strap a symbol of their inadequacy right on their hip for all the world to see. And to laugh at them for behind their backs.

You know we have a few of these pansy asses around Anchorage as well.  One of them is even running for Lt. Governor. Eddie NEVER goes anywhere without his penis extender and, according to multiple sources, even played with it while conducting interviews on the radio show he recently got fired from.