Mothering

I have stopped reading any article or FB posts that talks about the joy of being a mother, especially at the point of them feeling the little one in their tummy & the joy of holding the baby in their arms just after they deliver. 

I just have to skip.

I just do not want to torture myself with the feeling of failing to function, of being a lesser woman for not being able to become (legally) pregnant & be a mother. 

I became a grandma recently, my eldest niece gave birth to a beautiful daughter. That made me realized the whole world moved past me. The little girl I used to help change diaper is now changing  her daughter's diaper. 

And I'm still here. Childless. It is a childhood dream that will never come true. Yes, I wanted kids, 5 to be exact. 

No I do not plan to adopt.

Surprisingly, I do not feel the same inferiority about not being somebody's wife. I wonder why.