Random Thoughts on Death

Well, well, well. Look who is posting again and ignoring, again, her seemingly impossible list of responsibilities. Yup, that's me. But something has been on my mind lately (other than that giant nasty cricket on my wall that I will just ignore since Jason is asleep and I'm a chicken) and I think I'll be able to better direct my focus if I get it off my mind. And the most effective way I can get things "off" my mind is to write about them.

When I get restless while I work, I browse blogs. As I was doing so tonight, I ended up at a fellow blogger's post sharing beautiful memories of her late father. Last week, a little girl in our Stake drowned so this was already on my mind. I didn't even know the family, meaning, I don't even know their name. But how can you now hear something like that and just pray for the family to be comforted? With that on my mind, reading this post got my tears and my thoughts flowing.

I don't like to think, hear or talk about death. It's silly, because it's inevitable. And it truly is just a step into the next life. But for some reason, I feel like if I talk about it, I will jinx myself or someone I love dearly. That's also silly because I know God has a plan, The Plan. If I really think about it in conjunction with my religious beliefs, which allow me to know I can be with my family forever, it shouldn't scare me as much as it does. For example. today at my mom's we were talking about the earthquake in LA. I told her when I was younger, every time I would go to visit Nikki and SaLeah, I would have this fear that "The Big One" was going to occur while I was there and I would die. I was afraid that if I ever told anyone, the chance of it happening would increase. I will be in Cali next weekend and we joked that I would die in one of the aftershocks of this earthquake. That would be just my luck. Even seeing the conversation written out feels threatening to me.

Sometimes I feel guilty realizing I probably don't have as much faith as I should regarding the topic. I wonder if increased faith would allow me to have a better eternal perspective and realize that although it may not seem so at the time, life is so short compared to the eternities. But even with all the faith in the world, can mortals ever really understand that concept? Besides, there is also the pain and hurt until you are reunited with them. A lot of times I hear people say that with what we know, it makes it easier to experience these types of things. I think I would reword this and say that knowing you will see loved ones again makes it bearable. There is still likely so much sadness and so many tears.

Sunday night I just laid in bed wondering how people that are faced with such tragedy go to bed at night. How do you go to sleep knowing your child isn't in their bed? How do you go to sleep knowing the clothes in their closet won't be worn? How do you go to sleep knowing your parent won't be there in the morning? How do you go to sleep knowing they won't be there with you to experience the things that await you in your future? How do you go to sleep knowing you will feel that void every single day for the rest of your life? I couldn't go to sleep for at least an hour as this totally consumed my thoughts. And the conclusion I came to was just as I can not comprehend the pain and heartache they are feeling, I can not comprehend the level of comfort our Savior Jesus Christ has bestowed upon them by way of the Holy Ghost during that time in their life.

Quickly

Pretending I don't have close to a million things to do right now, I am going to quickly (hopefully) post a few things that we've been up to.

Obviously we were inspired to give Clara Jane as her middle name. This is how I found her Monday morning. In that instant, I might have imagined her dolly to be Tarzan. That same morning our Cream of Wheat was really runny after I added soymilk to cool it off. Perfect, however, to drink through a straw. Clara ate/drank all her's and most of mine.
Len and Maricel and their kids are staying with us this week. Today we went to my mom's to swim. Kenzie...
Clara decided she didn't need help getting into the baby pool. She flipped over the edge, head first, into the eight inches or so of water. It didn't even phase her. After all, she'd accomplished her mission. It was hysterical but her resulting hairstyle is all I have to remember it.

Alexis (on the right) and Justin are also in town so they joined us and Lily in our swim.
Kylie and Nathan
Somebody thinks she owns the place... and every other place she graces with her presence.
I know, I know, this picture is blury. But isn't it still kind of cool? As we swam, Daniel showed Justin how to ride his dirt bike and then the two of them were just riding around. Boys.

Remembering When

I love memories. I love to make them, record them and remember them. Here's a few pictures to help me remember when...

Clara made beautiful messes (she loves pulling things off the counters)Clara thought she was so funny wearing her necklace like this
Clara would wrap her arm around my neck when I picked her up

Clara climbed into this container. Notice her face... she loves to test Jason and me and this is the face she gets when she does it. She knew she shouldn't rock back and forth, but she did it, going further and further each time, waiting to see what I would do. All the while having this little smirk on her face.
Things involved so much drama. Cleaning up spilled milk required Clara to lay across the floor and being ever so slow in cleaning the milk up.
Asking Clara not to stick her fingers in her ears like this resulted in a screaming fit. Telling her repeatedly to get her fingers out of her ears only produced this dumb-founded stare.I also think it is fun to reflect on the past and think of random forgotten things in life. Such as... 20 cent stamps, light brown M&M's, "brick" cell phones and Arizona only having one area code.

Friday night we went to Joe's Farm Grill with my family to celebrate Clint's birthday. Yes, we do love Clint so much we've celebrated his birthday over and over and over. Before we even ate the food, I decided I loved the place. The grounds of the restaurant are beautiful. There is a farm across the street and grass, plants, flowers and trees galore. I just loved it. Turns out the food is pretty darn good too. I can only imagine what these types of pictures will look like in 40 years, when Clint, as a grandpa, makes strange, unpleasant faces when I take pictures.

Of course, as we were leaving there was another beautiful Arizona sunset. I told Jason to turn around so I could get a picture of them with the beautiful sky. Angela humbly told me she needed to be in it to make it more beautiful.

FOF

I was feeling at my limit this week trying to get lots of work done (naturally, with accounting, I am in the midst of several urgent to do lists at the same times of the year with different clients), having network and e-mail issues with the lady I work with (three days in a row), taking care of my sick baby, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning (ALL of it by myself; no further comment on that, though), laundry, dishes, etc. You know what it takes to run a house alone... And then I got sick. Blah. That's what I have to say to the sick bug that interrupted my already busy week, BLAH BLAH! I considered releasing my five top reasons I hate to be sick, but then I realized, it's not all that bad. In fact, for me, it's probably good. So here are five reasons it's good for me to get sick (every now and then):

1. Instead of being a slacker, not working and feeling guilty, I feel justified in working a little less and don't feel the guilt.
2. I learn to really appreciate the strong and generally healthy body I've been blessed with.
3. It helps me realize all the things I do accomplish on a daily basis even when I feel like I've done nothing.
4. I have a good excuse if I can't get a client's stuff done on time.
5. Laying on the couch and watching TV doesn't feel like a sin and a total waste of time. Okay, it feels like a waste of time, but I don't feel as guilty wasting my time.

Traumatization Part II?

I needed a camera fast today and grabbed my old camera. When I went to look at the pictures I took, I found a few treasures.

Looking white trash is fun to do, fun to do... That would be Clara in her pajama shirt, her diaper and shoes. And don't think it was morning, I'm pretty sure this was in the afternoon.Clara proclaims that sometimes phone calls just can't wait. It must have been important because I was able to go get the camera and take some pictures before it was over.One morning Clara came to me with a hair rubber band. So I put her luscious locks in a pony tail. I had to get something done for work and Clara left my room (my room is the only place I can't leave her alone in and I was in there, so I didn't worry where she was off to). I heard her find the bag of chips Jason left out and figured they'd be all over the floor when I found her. But I didn't care. Whatever I was working on really needed to get done... I was obviously pleasantly surprised when I found that Clara, ponytail intact, had got the bag of chips, climbed on the couch and was munching away. Must I remind you again, Arizona has the COOLEST sunsets and storms ever. Last night we had a pretty cool storm. Nothing like a few weeks ago, but still neat. Just as the storm rolled in, the sky looked awesome. There were pink and blue layers and you could see the rain coming down. I've never seen that before. Jason had my camera off taking pictures and videos of drainage, so this picture isn't the greatest, but it still supports my point.Clara says: Trust me, eating oatmeal by the fistful is much more efficient than with that tiny spoon my mom gave me.
As if I didn't have enough excitement with wildlife on Sunday, I walked into the front room today and notice a black thing on my curtain. Thinking it was the silohouette of a lizard on the sliding glass window, I refrained from screaming. I got just a little closer and realized, nope, the darn lizard was on my curtains IN my house.
Clara thought it was pretty cool. But when I went to go get something and told her to watch it so it didn't run away, she wouldn't. I don't blame her. Had I screamed like I did Sunday, she never would have even let me set her down and take a picture of her pointing at the cool lizard.
I'm not really afraid of lizards; I just don't want to touch them. So I called Genny to come rescue me. Ha ha. Actually, I was thinking maybe Joseph might think it would be neat to catch. Right? She didn't answer so I figured we'd just sit there for two hours and make sure it didn't leave and then Jason could get it when he got home. Luckily, Len woke up shortly after we discovered it and took the little guy outside. It was actually pretty small, just a baby for sure, but check out the size of the feet! I'm sure it's going to be one large desert lizard someday and probably do something cool along with his trusty toad buddy. I wonder which of their friends they've told to sneak into my house later this week...

Traumatization

I don't often have polls on my blog, but the event that took place at my home this evening certainly merits one.

You tell me, who do you believe was subject to the highest degree of traumatization this evening?

Anna: Screaming bloody murder because the GIANT toad she went to observe after Ryan's family discovered it as they were walking to their car was jumping, or should I say leaping, straight towards her and she had no where to run to protect her and her baby.
Clara: Screaming hysterically because for no apparent reason, her mother was screaming louder than she'd ever heard her scream before as she held Clara tight.
The Inside Crowd: Opening the front door to see what the commotion was and having the trusty toad invite himself in (at which point he might have morphed from the trusty toad to the toad from you-know-where).
Jason: Picking up the toad to remove him (obviously it's a him, no female thing is that disgusting) from his (Jason's) home, where he (trusty toad) had truly violated more than one 'no trespassing' law. Furthermore, having venom get all over his hand and dripping onto everything below.
Angela: Having to wear flip flops that were beneath the dripping venom trail.
The Toad: Soaring through the air onto the lawn for doing nothing but what he was made to do - hop and secrete venom when threatened.

We're pretty sure the trusty toad is actually a Sonoran Desert Toad. And thank goodness none of us are dogs because apparently their venom kills dogs. Next time this happens, I'll have a jar handy to catch the venom. Some say their venom has caused awesome hallucinations in humans.

This & That

I didn't take the time to write down what we've been up to this last week. Tuesday after the freeway party, I met Nylene, Jen and Machelle at Cold Stone for Jen's birthday. I miss seeing and visiting with them on a more regular basis, but I sure am glad for their friendship.

Thursday Emily had Beka and I over to swim at her mom's. Catching up with old friends is always fun. It always reminds me how much I like blogs because when you only get to see people once every year or two, you still know what's going on in their lives. Thursday night we had our Movie Night pack meeting. I thought it turned out great. So did Clara. She ate half (or more) of my M&M's. Then, she walked around to everyone else and peered over the top of their cup to see if they had any left. If they did, she bent down and helped herself. (Note the mouth full of M&M's in this picture). After letting this go on for a little bit, I went and got her and let he know she couldn't have any more treats. She walked over to someones cup of M&M's, looked at it, shook her head side to side and walked away. She also spent a lot of time running around and screaming in the parts of the Cultural Hall that weren't occupied by people. The movie was loud enough that you couldn't really hear her either, so I was happy about that. And she met a new friend. Nylene's niece, who's the same age as Lilly, was there and loved Clara. Clara loved her too and didn't want to come home with us after it was over. Friday we went to the Truitt's for Pool Days. Nylene's niece was there again so I enjoyed swimming in the pool and visiting without having to entertain Clara most of the time.

That evening Kathryn and Ryan watched Clara so Jason and I could go to the Temple. It was SO busy there since it closes after this weekend for a few weeks. Jason had a family name but our session was so big we didn't want to wait for them to record it. Fast forward to Saturday when we went to get my oil changed, to Old Navy to shop(if you like to buy clothes in advance for your kids, go to Old Navy right now, the sales are amazing) and then to the Temple to get the name. Well, I didn't think about it before we left so I had to go in the Temple in jeans and flip flops. I felt pretty awkward since I was obviously the only one dressed that way.

We were planning on cleaning our house, but Angela and Clint invited us to eat at Olive Garden with them. I love living close to my family. I think the highlight of our night was when Clara spilled some water and I gave her a napkin and asked her to clean it up. She got close to the table, had the napkin in both hands and began wiping back and forth rapidly. Afterwards, we came to our house and visited. We were kind of celebrating Clint's birthday that was on Thursday. I'm glad Clint is in our family. I don't know of a more fitting couple than Angela and Clint.

I was up until 5:00am working. But don't feel bad for me. First of all, it's my own fault. If I'm up that late working, a lot of times it's because I choose to do fun things. Plus, I slept until about 9:30am. Many of you wonder how I function. Well, I've never been one to need 8 hours of sleep. Six or seven is sufficient. A little less just makes my eyes burn a little more at night, but that's about it. I feel much better if most of my sleep is during about 11pm and 5am, which is rare. But I still end up getting a decent amount of sleep, it's just during odd hours. Lately Clara has been sleeping until 9am a lot of times, so if I'm up until 2am, I still get seven hours of sleep.

Why Jason makes me laugh:

Clara: (picking her nose)
Jason: I think Clara learned that she can find something if she picks her nose
Anna: Yeah, she's known for a while. She just puts her finger up her nose until she finds a booger.
Jason: At least we know she doesn't give up.

Tonight the family came over for cookies and milk to celebrate Clint's birthday. I just love families, particularly mine.

FOF

A few weeks ago I was asked if life would be noticeably different when Jason is done with school. So here are five reasons I'm looking forward to Jason being all done, since this is the last Friday before that glorious day...
1. Return of husband and dad. First and foremost, I will have a husband again and Clara will have a dad. I joke that it will be like we're getting married again. Almost every night (there will still be some late nights at work) and almost every weekend.
2. More happiness. Jason's friend Trent says: You must be back in school; you are always ticked off. I say: Welcome to my life. Then the other night Jason said, "I feel like I should get into politics just so I can beat someone up." Jason is very passionate about politics, but having that, work and school all at the same time creates a raging Jason. Happier Jason = Happier Anna = Happier Clara. :)
3. Money. Not only will we not have to pay ASU thousands of dollars a year for tuition and hundreds for books, but Jason has started working full time. Most of Summer School he worked full-time but since he didn't commit to it, he didn't get full benefits. Soon he'll be eligible and trust me, it's much cheaper than our individual health insurance policies.
4. Time. Jason will be able to spend time around the house and do the little projects we've talked about for years. We can eat dinner together as a family, spend time together as a family and he can spend time with Clara so I can be selfish and have ME time. He will also have time to help me. Of course this is only until he gets a second job. Just kidding, we joke about this a lot; it's only a joke (for now).
5. Availability. Jason will be able to go places with us. I go places ALL the time with just Clara. I'm not talking about just around town either. Since Clara was born, we've gone to California FOUR times without Jason.

Next Thursday, I'll happily say to Jason, welcome back to the family. :)

Five things that make Clara happy :
Having an attitude (she would make this face then every now and then laugh/squeal loudly and smile) Watermelon (like father, like daughter)
Blowing bubbles in the water... she also decided she could swim and will now just go under water with her arms and legs out like a frog and wait for someone to get her. She even holds her breath.
Lots and lots of boyfriends (like mother, like daughter... when I was young, of course)
And of most importance, her dolly. In the last few days, Clara has decided this is her new best friend. She loves dragging her dolly everywhere. If Clara gets to watch me make breakfast, then the dolly does too. I asked her to share her milk with her and she did. The next morning, we were eating blueberries and I caught her shoving a blueberry in the dolly's mouth. The dolly has a little purple pen mark on her arm and every time Clara sees it she says "owww" and then kisses/bites it better (in a similar manner as she is kissing/biting her lips in this picture)...
Happy Weekend!

WOY

The following conversation took place in the Penrod's kitchen at 4:00am:

Jason: What are you doing?!?
Anna: Making you breakfast so I can win Wife of the Year.
Jason: Oh, I thought you were a robber.

That's right, I made muffins for Jason at 4:00am to take fishing. Congratulations to me. Okay, the truth is I actually hadn't gone to bed because I was working. Sadly, the chances of me waking up to do something like this are pretty slim, if there even is a chance. I don't even wake up at 7:00am to make breakfast, let alone 4:00am. So remember these as long as you can...Why I shouldn't cook/bake at 4:00am: I might be mistaken as a robber, cinnamon doesn't come out of the unopened bottle with plastic covering the holes in the lid and saran wrap melts when placed on hot pans.

Par-tay

Last night we were invited to an exclusive party. Okay, maybe it was open to the public. Angela and Clint came over, we went to Sonic and then off to the Loop 202 for the party. The final stretch (University to Power) opens this weekend so ADOT threw a party for all to come have fun. The white lines are 10 feet long. They don't look that long driving or walking past. So I decided to put things into perspective and volunteer Angela to lie next to it. She deferred the obligation to Clint. Even better, he's 6'4" (I think).
Now this picture isn't that great. But it has a funny story behind it. As Clint was walking towards this wall, I was taking pictures and kind of laughing. One of the vendors taking his table down seemed to think initially I was going to take a picture of him. I said sorry, I'm taking a picture of him (motioning towards Clint) and kind of laughed. The guy asked if I knew him. I confessed. Then he asked me if I liked him. What? I was like um, he's my little sister's husband (maybe he didn't realize I was married with a kid?) so I hope I don't like him like that!
I'm pretty sure Clint took this random picture. I like the angle and I like that you can see the Brown Rd. sign so we always remember what part of the freeway we were on.
Hard hat family
This picture is cool for two reasons. One, the speed limit signs are HUGE. Two, I can't get over how much the sign is glowing from my flash. Of course Clint described it well when he commented on it being a speed limit sign from Heaven.

Clint glares, Angela smirks
Angela longs for the day she gets to use an outhouse
There were several low-flying helicopters during our short stay. Clara was sure to point excitedly at every one.
Maybe there are too many family pictures in this post... oh well.

Clara's cheeks get so rosy when she's hot.
Waldo even was at the party
Hmmmm...
Afterwards I noticed Clint's legs in the front seat of my car. Obviously he wasn't real comfortable. Whoops!