Little Miss Sunshine

I have noticed the hardest thing for me about having two kids is making sure child #1 gets enough positive attention and one-on-one time. It's hard because I don't get upset with the sweet, innocent baby. They don't know better when they do something they shouldn't. However, the four year old that likes to push limits is a different story. The four year old that clamors to be recognized and noticed will do anything to get there. Then she sees that Hazel gets only positive attention and it seems that some days she's only getting attention when she's in trouble. Guess what, kids like attention regardless of how they get it. And when I realize Clara is doing things she wouldn't normally do, I realize she needs me to be more proactive with attention so she doesn't feel the need to demand my attention by acting out.

With that said, I never imagined having a four year old would be so much fun. Every day I want to squeeze her guts out when she does or says things that make me smile. Last night she rode her bike to and from the the mailbox. It's close to a mile (.83 miles, or something like that), so I had to pull her a little bit, but it was a big accomplishment for her little unexperienced self. As we she rode past the manhole she said, "Eww, it stinks. It's because of that manhole." Sometimes she'll just look at me, smile and say, "I love you so much, Mom." I love my back scratched/rubbed and she knows it. Sometimes she'll climb behind me on the chair and start scratching my back. She'll also rub my shoulders and it actually feels really good. The best part about that is seeing the satisfaction on her face knowing how happy she makes me. Her imagination is like none other I've seen and her little mind goes a mile a minute. She is a bit of a class clown and loves to be goofy and silly, especially when she's around other kids because she likes a good reaction. She is so good at playing by herself but loves to rest and have quiet time right next to me on the bed. Actually, she prefers to have at least one body part on me. Currently, her knee is on my forearm.

She speaks very well, but still gets hung up on a few words. The other night she was saying her prayers, "please bless us to love one anoner... anoner... a-nun-er... a! nun! er!" and then Jason and I started laughing. She kept repeating it, trying to say it right, but just kept enunciating the same, incorrect sounds over and over, louder and louder. She also says hospiter (hospital), opposed to (supposed to) and earf (earth). She says a few words incorrectly, but only because I think she thinks that's really the word. My favorite is mump for month. "These are the mumps of the year!" She also says crub for crud, since she knows she's not supposed to say cr@p. Sometimes I help her with the right word and sometimes I let it slide because it makes me smile and I'm going to miss it when she's all grown out of the mispronunciation phase. She uses destructed instead of interrupted. Sometimes she uses destruction for construction.

Thursday was her first program for preschool. I successfully talked her into wearing her star shirt since their first module was all about space. We curled her hair too and she spent the rest of the day loving her curls bouncing all around. They are a perfect reflection of her personality.

Only Wednesday

Today is a good day for my brain to defrag.

This week has been so full it feels like it should be Friday by now. Between work, play dates, cleaning, FHE with Karen, feeling a little like a single mom and hanging out at my mom's, I feel like I've done more in two days than I typically do in four or five. I don't know if that makes my normal accomplishments pathetic or if it just means I've been on over-drive. My thoughts have also been other places like Hazel turning 9 months old on Monday, Clara biting someone in preschool (I don't think she's ever bitten anyone. Ever. So I was horrified when she told me), getting our new license plate and realizing I have to memorize a new one after having the same one for 10+ years, our almost renters backing out (which means it'd be a miracle to get renters for the 1st at this point), how I totally forgot to go get my temple recommend signed by the Stake because Jason worked late Tuesday and how I am really looking forward to the rest of this week and the weekend.

At 9 months, Hazel still army crawls, doesn't pull herself up onto anything and eats so much food I am exhausted trying to keep up with her. She actually doesn't really stop eating. She has gotten better about not squawking/screaming so much in the evenings and is still absolutely adorable. Her personality is really starting to surface and I love it. She'll make a noise and wait for me to respond, make another noise and wait for me to respond. On Sunday after she sneezed Jason made a funny noise so she kept trying to pretend to sneeze hoping she'd get another reaction from him. On the nights I stick around after I lay her in bed, she plays peek-a-boo with me using her blanket. If she had hair, it might have been red considering her fiery little temper. She is so quick to grunt/whine, kick her legs and yell when things don't go her way. She is really impatient when food is involved. After she gets her bath and teeth brushed, I hold her over the tub so Clara can kiss her goodnight. Hazel thinks it's the funniest thing, but then cries when she realizes she's not getting back into the tub. She has no desire to look at and/or smile at the camera. I spent a while on Sunday attempting to get her to smile at the camera. Wishful thinking. I thought taking her outside would help. It only made it worse since she picks and eats the grass so fast, I don't really have time to take pictures in between grabbing grass from her hands and swiping it out of her mouth.

PS Hazel is sitting in this picture, not laying down. When she sits, she leans forward and will not sit back up. She'll just be sitting, legs straight out to the side, nearly laying on her belly. Eventually she'll move her legs enough to where she is completely on her stomach, but it kills me that she won't sit back up. She's about the mellowest thing ever.

Hazel likes to be held facing out, so I hold all of her weight with my left hand, actually it's more like my left wrist. Unlike with Clara, my hip doesn't relieve any of it. As a result, I have tweaked my left hand/wrist/arm. It hurts. Bad. If I move it, the pain gets more intense. If I squeeze things, bend my wrist, use my thumb, pretty much anything results in pain. The tendons on top of my arm and on the bottom from my wrist to my elbow hurt. I'm hoping it will be gone in the morning.

Today I spent some time moping about our renter situation. It bothered me that I would need to use the extra income I earned from working this month to pay that mortgage. I was quickly humbled as I realized we were prepared for this and how blessed we are that I had that opportunity. I am so grateful that I did have the extra work to accommodate the situation. Without that income, the stress of not having renters next month would have been ten fold. This led to me thinking (for way too long) about my strange relationship with money. A situation that really is probably just a mild inconvenience becomes a terrible life altering tragedy once my mind processes it. Somehow not having rental income for a month turns into us losing our jobs and being homeless for the rest of our lives. Fortunately, as I mature, I have recognized this as a problem and spend some time reigning in my wild imagination in hopes that I can get those thoughts to a realistic level. Now if only I could tame my imagination so it doesn't run away in the first place, I'd probably have lower blood pressure.

Lots of Room For Improvement

The LDS Church has General Conference twice a year, an annual and semi-annual conference. Before the semi-annual conference, there is also a Relief Society meeting. Saturday night was that meeting. Typically, I enjoy the meeting and notice one or two of the talks seem to be tailored just for me. This meeting was no exception.

I loved Silvia H. Allred's talk about charity. I love serving and helping others. When possible, I jump at such opportunities. I give and help and until this meeting, was feeling good about myself when I used that to gauge how I fare in the charity department. However, I realized that charity is much more than our outward actions. It goes deep down inside of us and only when our heart becomes as charitable as our actions do we gain that equally important piece of charity - the pure love of Christ. Only then do we emulate a charity that never faileth. This quote from Pres. Monson really struck a chord. Like I said, I was doing good with the service side of charity. What I was forgetting was all the other stuff, which is illustrated nicely in Pres. Monson's quote:

Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others. (Sis. Allred quoted it, I'm assuming from this talk).

I loved Pres. Uchtdorf's talk as well. How could you not? It was impeccable timing considering I had spent a good 10 minutes before the meeting talking to a friend in my ward, all while thinking how horrible of a person I am compared to her. She doesn't eat sugar, white flour, pretty much just whole grains, fruits and vegetables. She's super organized and regimented. She always looks happy, she exercises and she has an amazing energy level. You'd never know she has six kids. She's really spiritual and her kids are little scripture smarties as well. So yeah, still working on not comparing my weaknesses to other's strengths.

Exhale

Another busy, but good, week is over. I feel relieved, mostly because I feel like my workload has lightened enough for me to get back on track with getting my house in order.

Jason wasn't around much the first part of the week. Classes, D-back's game, work. Sure, I can handle dinner time and bed time by myself. But he sure adds a dynamic to our family that is easily noticed and missed even after just a night or two absent of his presence.

On Tuesday, instead of working after I put the girls to bed, I sat on my bed with a book and then with my computer for a few hours. I had no motivation. I preferred to read and think and try to forget about the giant zit on my head that was giving me a headache.

I felt really pathetic during the week when I realized I had about 3 weeks worth of clean laundry piled on my bedroom floor. I overlooked the first two loads that I washed and dumped and ignored. The next few started making me feel a little anxious. But once I had a good 6 loads of clean laundry on my floor, I rightfully entered pathetic grounds. Since I've been working, laundry has been more ignored than any other thing. When I get home from work, I just want to hang out with my girls. Then I make dinner, eat dinner, put the kids to bed, clean up dinner (well, sometimes, obviously not on Tuesday since I was busy sitting on my bed), work, try to work more and after all that, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to sacrifice more sleep just to fold the laundry when it's perfectly happy sitting in a big mound on my floor. I still feel pathetic, but not pathetic enough to loose sleep to change it. :)

And now for a little visual recap of my week...

One day Karen asked me what was up with my hair. This is what's up with my hair. It's really funny, but not that awesome. It's just my hair growing back that I lost after Hazel was born. I spray and spray and spray it with hairspray. Usually, it pops back up a few hours later. (This is unsprayed).

I told Clara she had to wear something with her leotard since we were going on a walk. She picked her red velour stretchy pants... and her semi-soccer cleats. For a walk around the neighborhood, I don't really care what she wears as long as it's modest.
One day, Clara was sitting on the table dropping cheerios down to Hazel. Hazel would go get the one dropped and wait for the next. What a fun game for them. Ha ha.
Clara loves climbing in my cupboards. They are her hiding spots. I will be sad the day she stops fitting.
Once inside, she shut the cupboard, but opened the drawer and said, "Don't close the drawer, Mom, or else it will be too dark." I love how she finds solutions to her problems.
Back to my hair... I'm growing it out. Partially because I don't think to go get it cut, partially because I ignorantly think it's going to look better than the last time it was long and partially because Jason likes it long. I just wish it were fuller, wavier and someone else's hair. :)
Towards the end of the week, I finally started folding the laundry. I put Hazel in the basket so she a.) wouldn't knock over my piles and b.) wouldn't find something in my room/office to choke on. I love how content she is with sitting and playing. Clara never did this.
Even once she tipped herself over (on accident - Clara would have done it on purpose), she played with the same toys, halfway in the basket.
It was nice to have dish towels and rags on hand in the kitchen... walking to my bedroom for a treasure hunt through the massive pile every time I needed one got old.
And our watermelon! We grew one watermelon in our garden. What's funny is it grew on the vine about 5 feet outside the garden. It was actually pretty tasty.
I made the prettiest cupcakes. I love making cupcakes. I would do it for a living if a.) I could make money (cupcake making doesn't quite earn the same hourly rate as accounting), b.) I needed to earn a living and c.) they tasted good. I've made some good cakes, but I messed something up because these were borderline gross (sorry people who I made them for!)
Hazel is a pig. Clara was the same way, but not this early. Probably because she didn't have 6 teeth until much later. The great thing about Hazel is she bypassed the whole, "I'm going to use my thumb and pointer and pick up each piece of food, one by one" phase. She grabs a handful of food and shoves the food and all her fingers into her mouth. She does is super fast, which is why I'm even more excited I captured it. It's awesome.
We went to dinner for Beka's birthday. Friends are fun. This is the same group that got together last year for her birthday, funny enough.

The end because a.) I'm tired, b.) I'm hungry and c.) no one wants to read anymore of my a, b and c lists.

Forgotten Camping Pics

When I went to look for pictures from the funeral, I realized once I got to pictures of our potluck on Saturday, in my mind I thought I had gone through all our camping pictures. Woops. Here are some more pictures...

Clara is so, so pouty when she's tired. And she knows it makes us laugh, which makes her pouty face extra funny since she's trying not to laugh. Here she was so upset that she forgot to give me a hug. Look at that face.
The boys played pudgy bunny. As if the thought of shoving marshmallows in my mouth wasn't enough to make me want to throw up, I had to watch all these guys actually do it. And then spit it out. Sick.
Fire is neat.
And cowboy hats by the fire are neat too.
Clara woke up in the middle on the night. I always feel so bad for her because she gets so scared when she realizes she's not in her bed and she's alone in the tent. I ran and got her from the tent and let her hang out with us by the fire for a bit.
I didn't make it to take pictures of these guys making breakfast, but I got a few later that morning as they were cleaning up.
Clara loved playing with her cousins. They are a bit older than her, but it doesn't stop her from thinking she's as big as they are.
If you want to sit around and be lazy while you're camping, just invite Dan and Karen along. They just do everything for you!
I was holding Hazel away, thinking this would be a picture of just Clara and me but I love how Hazel is "peeking" around in this picture.
On Sunday, Jason's dad was giving him a shaving lesson. It was really funny. Dad giving shaving lesson to 16 year old son = not funny. Dad giving shaving lesson to I-can-grow-a-beard-in-one-hour 32 year old son = really funny.
Before the viewing on Sunday we celebrated Jordyn's birthday. I stole* some paper from Michelle to made her a quick, freehand crown since we didn't come prepared to celebrate and I didn't want to go to the store on Sunday. She loved it. It was a good reminder to me that more than presents, kids like to feel special on their birthday.
It's no surprise that Clara is a total goofball. On our way home, she carefully took the Caprisun wrapper off and using the sticky glue that was used to stick it to the drink, she stuck the straw to her nose.
We stopped in Payson to eat. I had to feed Hazel in the car and Clara was a little out of control. I told her if she didn't calm down, she'd lose her privelidge of being able to move around and would have to sit in her seat until I was done. Well, the hyper hippo kept being wild so I told her to sit in her seat until we went inside. So she very obediently got in her seat. Upside down. And then she giggled the rest of the time because she knew she was funny.
In the restaurant Hazel sat in her first high chair at a restaurant. She still bobs forward, so it was scary because the edge of the table was right at her face. I also fed her some of my rice and beans. It probably wasn't the best thing to feed her, but she was over her cheerios and that was my last resort. She loved them.
*Sunday night we stayed at Michelle's. They weren't even there, and she still let us stay. (That's not the first time that's happened either.) On top of that, I went into her craft room while I was there and helped myself to her paper to make the crown. Of course she didn't mind one bit. I feel bad for anyone that doesn't have a Michelle in their life. You should go find one. She's a gem.

This Week Plus

I'm a procrastinator. Things I worry that I can't do perfectly get procrastinated the longest. Which is precisely why I waited to finish 12 tax returns until the week they were due. Add in regular month-end closing for one client, payroll for another and a day onsite at a third and you have one crazy week. I didn't lose as much sleep as I anticipated and I avoided a headache, a nervous breakdown and any sort of panic attack. Congratulations to me. Well, actually congratulations to everyone around me that loves me and helps me when I procrastinate. And why I'm throwing out congratulatory phrases, did you know one of my friends came over the morning I was leaving to go camping and folded my laundry, cut up food, did my dishes, swept my floor, took out my trash, watched my kids while I showered and probably other things that I have forgotten. Grateful is an understatement. Working left me really, really behind and she swooped down and saved the day.

So back to this week. My house is a wretched mess. You wouldn't really know it if you walked into it because the living room never really gets messy and my kitchen is mostly clean thanks to Angela and my mom cleaning it when they were here watching kids. (And thanks to them for watching my kids!) But my room? It's a disaster. DISASTER. I think it's given me more anxiety this week then getting those returns done on time. Crazy weeks like this are good for me because it leaves me wishing I could clean. Once this chaos blows over, I got into cleaning machine mode.

Despite the craziness, I was still able to enjoy life beyond work. I worked from home while Hazel was napping/sleeping and Clara was at school or elsewhere (school, play date, with Gma M, sleeping), which made it easier for me. Working wears me down, but when I have to neglect my children, it makes it worse.

Besides being undesirably busy, here's what we've been up to.

We have blue agave all over our yard. They look pretty cool. But, they aren't super safe. Jason got stabbed by one doing yardwork a while back and it was sore for weeks. Clara got a little slash on her leg from walking too close to one. Well, this one in our front yard, looked like this one Saturday night.

And then like this the next morning. this is the second one we've had self-implode. The middle like rots out and they just fall apart instantly. And the smell. Ugh, they smell horrid. Like rotting garbage.
The weather has been awesome this week. Stormy, cooler (I froze Tuesday night - I wrapped up in my favorite sherpa, ate toast and drank hot apple cider).
Clara is tough and rarely cries from being hurt. So when I heard a crash and instant crying, I figured something was up. I ran into her room and found her with a mouth full of blood. She was dancing, tripped and hit her mouth on her dress up bucket. Her teeth cut her lip and she had a little fat lip. Of course she doesn't cry often, but when she does, she milks everyone for every possible ounce of sympathy. "Tell my daddy 'bout what happened. And tell Karen 'bout what happened. And tell all your friends 'bout what happened."
On Saturday, Clara got to go to work with Jason. She's been wanting to go with him for a while and he told her maybe on a Saturday. I sent her with books, coloring materials and a movie. She lasted for about 5 hours and had a great time. I stayed here and worked while Hazel napped.
For the longest time, Clara has been wanting to be Pinkalicious for Halloween. Recently, she asked to be Blackalicious.
While outside enjoying the weather, Clara caught a big, fat, juicy cricket. Bugs give me the heebie jeebies, but I love that they don't bother Clara one bit.
Abby came over to play and while we were walking her home, she said, "Look Clara, our shadows are big like 18." I had a moment because I know all too well that just like that, they'll be 18.
Hazel loves to crawl under my bed. She gets stuck. I pull her out. She crawls back under.
Don't judge me for not stopping Hazel from crawling under the table and eating all the Cheerios she dropped over the past few days. It's way quicker than sweeping and it kept Hazel happy while I did dishes.

Clara was the VIP at preschool. As part of it, they had to say their name. Clara told them her name was Clara Supergirl Penrod.

On Wednesday, Clara was 20 minutes late for preschool. I went to bed at 4am (I finished working at 3:30am and heard Hazel. I went to check on her a few minutes later and she was wide awake in her crib staring at me. Yes, I should have left her alone. Yes, she would have gone right back to sleep. But how could I walk away from her big blue eyes? I scooped her up and rocked her and sang to her. Surprisingly, she laid her head back on my chest for most of it.) Back to going to bed at 4am. I didn't set my alarm because Hazel is always up before 7:30 and Clara is always up around 8:00. Except for Wednesday, I woke up at 8:53 to Hazel. Clara was still asleep. I jumped out of bed and did my best to feed Hazel, get Clara ready and fed and off to school. Good thing our first day of carpooling got moved to Thursday. That would have been awful. I felt bad about getting her to school, but it's not like I was being irresponsible staying up that late and I'm not gonna lie, it sure felt great to sleep in after going to bed so late.

Hazel doesn't stop eating. Beans, watermelon, peaches, Cheerios, grapes, strawberries, broccoli, blueberries and anything that's safe for her to eat. This past week she decided, "Hey! I like baby food!" and will eat an entire stage 2 (the bigger ones) of baby food in about 3 minutes. It doesn't matter if it's peas, mixed vegetables or fruit, she'll eat it. I suppose that means I need to make some. I previously put it off since she wouldn't eat anything off a spoon. Oh, that elusive 6th tooth finally broke through early last week.

We are approaching my all time favorite time of the year. Seriously, Jason's birthday, Halloween, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Clara's birthday, Christmas, Hazel's birthday, New Year's and our anniversary, all within a 3 month window. Plus we celebrate several family member's birthdays. My dad's, Jason's mom's, 5 of my siblings and some sibling-in-laws. See? That's why this is the happiest time of the year and why it makes me want to cry with joy and excitement.

Wednesday I made it to bed before 2pm. Not bad. Then I slept until 7:45, which means I felt pretty good. It takes me at least 30 minutes to copy and mail all the returns. Can you see why?

While I was doing it at KS, Hazel crawled around. This paper box lid kept her entertained and kept me side tracked since she'd disappear under it.
That afternoon, I finished up some other work, fed Hazel and was ready to relax, waste time and do nothing requiring energy. I worked hard this week and to celebrate getting it all done, I was ready for some me time. Clara asked me to help her make a plane, because all pirates need a plane, and I started to say, "Let's do that tomorrow" when I decided, "Self, do it today, the other stuff can be done tomorrow." So we made a plane and flew around and laughed and had fun until Jason got home from work early.
Dear people that run into transformers and make Jason's electricity go out, thank you, our daddy hasn't been home much this week and it sure was nice to have him home over an hour early tonight. Speaking of that boy, he parted his hair and looked like a sweet, cute little school boy. I couldn't stop smiling at him.
Today, Clint gave Clara his old belt and she didn't take it off the rest of the day. She was a pirate. She even found a sword, which was none other than a nail file in some nail clippers. She carried it around, tucked in her belt all afternoon. My goodness, she makes me smile.