Silence All Around

Thoughts I recorded last night but was too lazy to finish up and post...

Jason is gone and the girls are asleep and the silence all around found me thinking, as usual. I love the silence at night. It facilitates my thoughts more than anything I can think of. It's calm and peaceful, yet full of energy. Here are the thoughts tonight's silence brought to the surface...

The last several months have been absolutely insane. I have worked a ton. Jason has worked a ton so on top of working, I've felt like I've been having to basically do everything else alone. I told people my life would change on October 15th, but I don't think anyone believed me. But it was true. When I left work on the 15th, I left for the first time in months that I marked more off my To Do list than I added. When I got home, it was the first time in probably three months that I didn't feel like I had more to do than time to do it. For my big client, I had several major projects going on at once: their annual 401(k) audit, their taxes (for 6 companies), their annual financial statement audit and a new joint venture for a select few of their existing sites. That doesn't count all the other things I had for my other clients and the big client's regular, monthly stuff I was supposed to be working on. I often felt overwhelmed. I was stretched so thin that I felt like I was tearing and one by one, my responsibilities started falling through the tears. Fortunately, I think I'm mostly back to normal. I still have a lot to do, but the list is much more manageable. I can go on long walks with friends in the morning read 10 books to Hazel, plant a garden and not feel like every second I spend not working is that much less sleep that I'll be getting. 

I think about having more children a lot. I have a totally different perspective on having children these days. I wanted so many kids and married someone who wanted to have so many kids with me. But I am slowly accepting the unlikeliness of that. So much is out of our control, which leaves me having to have more faith and trust in who is in control. I am grateful for a heart that is overflowing with love for my two incredible girls. We'll see what the future holds.   

I grated a giant chunk of skin off my thumb while grating cheese. The chunk of skin was on the grater and I had to sit down for nearly 30 minutes to keep from passing out. It was so gross. 

I want my house completely spotless and organized before Thanksgiving. I started saying Christmas, but I don't think there's any reason it can't be Thanksgiving. I want to be okay with someone coming in and walking through my house at any given time. It feels so good to have a clean, de-junked, organized house and I want that feeling during the holidays so we can enjoy them and I won't have anxiety about cleaning. With life being manageable, I am confident I can get it done.

I feel like I've been extra sensitive to my emotions and the Spirit during the last several months. I've always been emotional, but lately, it seems I cry over everything. I'm extra sensitive to other's emotions too. In the last week or so, I've cried for a brother who has to be an older brother to his older brother, a friend, young widow and mother of two and a friend struggling with infertility. My heart literally aches as I watch others struggle and go through trials. This over-sensitivity may have started with General Conference. I was overwhelmed with the countless pieces of inspiration I experienced.  

I've really been wanting a cabin. About a month ago I decided I didn't care how strapped it'd make us or how big it was, I just wanted to have one NOW for memories NOW. My kids are growing up and I want the memories now, not later. I spent a long time looking at land and cabins. We even drove to Pine to look at some land one Sunday morning. But alas, the voice of reason always brings me back to earth. That voice of reason ruins all my brilliant ideas. 

My view out the window while driving up American Fork Canyon... lots more where this came from as soon as I get through blogging about July, August and September. :)

Clara Loses Her Tooth

When we were in California for Alexis' graduation, I noticed Clara's gum slightly swollen behind one of her bottom, middle teeth when I was brushing her teeth one night. After closer inspection, I realized it was her tooth growing in behind her baby tooth. She wiggled it and played with it for a few weeks. Then, on July 7th, Clara lost her first tooth. Well, if we're being honest here, Jason said, "Let me see it." and then grabbed it and ripped it out. She was a little startled at first, but got over that quickly. She was so excited to tell everyone and asked me not to put it on Instagram so she could smile at people at family dinner the next day and ask, "Do you notice anything different about me?" She's funny. The Tooth Fairy left her $5 since it was her first and let her keep her tooth since it was her first (read between the lines: it was dark when she lost it and the Tooth Fairy actually just wanted to get a picture of the tooth with good lighting).

Here's Clara the night she lost it...

And here she is the next day when she let me Instagram it.

 

If you look closely, you can see how LONG her tooth was. I learned from my hygienist friend that is from the permanent tooth not growing in directly below it, which prevented it from "dissolving" more of the bottom. That's not the right word, but I can't remember the right word. 

The next week was spent trying to prepare for another vacation to California. On Monday night, we went to the Fillmore's to plan the meals for said vacation. We played a lot more than we planned, including messing around with the scuba gear in the pool and petting their pet California King Snake. Some people are just so much more fun I am. Glad we have good friends so our kids don't miss out.

Clara got these frogs and taped a "name" to each then made a little habitat for them to live in. I just love her little mind. The red ones were "heart" and "peace", the blue were "rain" something and I can't remember the second and green was "grass" and one other thing. I should have written it down. But I didn't.

Most late, late night weeks require a bag of mini powdered sugar donuts. One night I left the bag within Hazel's reach and this is what I woke up to. Not sure if I was more annoyed with the mess or the wasted donuts. ;)

Clara made a tower with our snacks for the car.

And I spent lots and lots of time working, jumping back from computer to computer. I wanted so badly not to have to work during the entire week we were going to be gone. Usually I leave town knowing I'll do some work, but this time I wanted to get everything to a point that I could leave it for a week so I could fully enjoy our vacation. I even put an out-of-office reply on my e-mail for the first time in years.

I had to squeeze some fun in for the kids, so we went swimming with some friends in the neighborhood.

And left just in time to watch this great storm blow in.

We went to Angela's and Clara blew bubbles for the little girls.

I think I dislike being self-employed the week before a vacation more than any other time. BUT, there are plenty of other reasons that make it worth it. :)