Today is Clara's birthday. My first born is five (and has a permanent tooth!). The day Clara was born is still so vivid in my head. But it might not always be, and while it's recorded elsewhere, the time has come to document that glorious day here.
My biggest fears about child birth when pregnant with Clara were 1.) having to be induced, 2.) being sent home from the hospital for not being far enough along and 3.) having a c-section. I was fortunate to avoid all three. On December 20th, I walked around the neighborhood, went to AJ's to buy a finishing touch for Ryan's Christmas gift and then sat on the couch researching how to tell if you're in labor. I was nervous I wouldn't go into labor before my scheduled induction and I was nervous I'd go to the hospital and not really be in labor. I finally went to bed at 11pm and sat straight up in my bed just over an hour later when it felt like a giant water balloon had popped in my tummy. They say very few women's water gushes. Mine gushed. My bed, pillow and clothes were soaked. I woke Jason up. He was a little more panicky than I. I thought it was funny. He thought we needed to rush to the hospital. I was in no hurry. Obviously. I was 6 days past my due date and still hadn't packed a bag for the hospital. I showered and after I soaked everything I put in my pants to absorb the water, I sat on the toilet and refused to move until it was time to get in the car. Jason packed the bags and we went and got in the car. I waddled into the hospital with a beach towel between my legs. It was either that or leave a trail of water everywhere I went. We got to the hospital around 3:30am and my contractions were strong, hard and about 2-3 minutes apart. Despite that, I was only dialted 3-4cm. Story of my life. On my due date, I was not even at 1cm. The first nurse that tried to put my IV in must have been a newbie. She stabbed me three times and had to eventually get someone else. I don't mind being the guinea pig for things like that, but that area was far more sore than where the actual IV was and stayed for 2 days.
Around 5:30am, I was pretty exhausted from dealing with and breathing through the contractions. I was only 6cm and didn't want to use all my energy up before pushing, so I asked for an epidural. I felt like they gave me too high of a dose because I could not even feel my legs. In fact, I asked Jason to help me put my leg back on the bed... and it was already on the bed. That creeped me out so I asked them to turn my epidural off. The kind nurse anesethist reassured me that while he's never had a baby, his wife has told him turning it off is a bad idea. Ha ha. I left it on and was glad I did. The process was slow, steady and it was just a waiting game. I was thinning unevenly. I didn't mind the long wait because it wasn't hard and it didn't hurt, I just had to be patient. While I laid there, sacks of water continued to break inside. When I realized I was laying in about 1/2" water, I asked them to change my bedding. I'm not exaggerating when I say I think I lost 10 pounds before Clara as even born.
A little later in the day they put me on Pitocin, but that stressed Clara out so they took me off. Then they put me on a lower dose a little later, which seemed to help. Finally, around 3:20pm, I started pushing. I pushed until she popped out (literally... I'll spare you the details) at 4:06pm. My whole pregnancy I had been so curious what she would look like and when I saw her for the first time, I thought, Amazing! That's exactly what I thought she'd look like! The doctor saw meconium, but the specialist came into the room to check her out so they didn't have to take her away. They cleaned her, measured her, weighed her and then let me nurse her. Well, after it took the doctor 45 minutes to sew me up I got to nurse her.
The next step was trying to get me into a recovery room. I hadn't eaten in 24 hours, I spent 18 of those hours in labor and gave birth to an 8+ pound baby. Everytime I sat up in the bed, I felt like I was going to pass out. Finally, I was able to get in the wheelchair, the nurse tipped it back on the wheels to keep me from falling forward and they ran, across the hall, through the nurses' station into my room. Getting in the bed with clean, dry, warm sheets felt so good. That whole night I went from freezing to sweating. I kept making Jason turn the heat on. Then the A/C. Then the heat. Then the A/C. The nurse told me it was hormones. After I fed Clara, I let the nurse take her to the nursery so I could get some sleep. The nurse brought her back 30 minutes later and said she was crying. I was pretty annoyed because I thought that was the point of sending them to the nursery. She stayed with me the rest of the night. The next night, I had a new nurse. She took her and 5 hours later she came back. Clara was happy as a clam in the swing and wasn't crying, but they wanted me to feed her. New babies are amazing. I couldn't look at Clara without being shocked how recently she'd been in my stomach. Jason loved holding her and would just hold her, stare at her and let her grab his finger. My day nurse loved Jason and always made sure he had food. We got released and headed home. I was happy, thrilled and so excited to have a baby. The last 5 years have been happier, more thrilling and more exciting than I ever would have imagined on that cold rainy day.
Clara is such a delight. Her personality is more awesome than I could have imagined and I regularly have to restrain from smothering her with affection. Hugs are given with extra tight squeezes and kisses come in large quantities. Last night I asked her what she wants once she's five and all she asked for was more loves and snuggles from me. Yes!
She is a wonderful helper and recently has been extra helpful without me asking. One day she started emptying the dishwasher. One day when I was in a funk and not motivated, she started cleaning my room while I sat on my bed. Seriously, she wound up some ribbon, put away my wrapping supplies, etc. We raced one day to see who could clean their room the fastest and when she was done, she came into my room and asked if she could help me. She rarely, if ever, complains when I ask her to help me.
She loves making Hazel happy and is so sweet and fun with her. Of course I feel 100% sure that my children are meant to be here, but I've been surprised at what a strong impression I have had about the certainty of their order too. Clara is such a great big sister and I'm so glad my girls have each other.
Clara is very wise for her age and I'm often impressed with how she handles situations. One night she met a new friend at our softball game and Clara asked her if this guy was her dad. The little girl said, "No, I don't have a dad." Instead of making a big deal about it or saying something to make the girl feel bad, she said, "Oh. Do you have a step dad?" The girl did, they talked about it for a few seconds, then moved onto something else.
Clara is so selfless. This week she got all her dollars from her piggy bank and gave them to me for my Christmas present. I told her she was sweet, but that I wanted her to keep her money and she told me she doesn't need it because she has lots of money. The next night she took a handful of coins to give to Jason for his Christmas present.
She talks so very grown up sometimes and changes up her sentence structures and tone a bit when she is contributing to an adult conversation. I was standing in the yard trying to figure out how to set up her party and she came and stood next to me and using mild hand motions said, "So, do you think we should put some stuff over there or something?" She also just loves to talk period. At Costco she spent a good, solid 15 minutes talking to a man eating a hot dog. He asked me if she talks like that to everyone. Yes, yes she does. She is certainly not shy or timid and while sometimes that gets a little awkward, I wouldn't change it one bit. She is fearlessly friendly.
Clara isn't very emotional in the sense that she cries easily (except of course when she's sick or exhausted, but who doesn't?). However, she has a very tender heart. She often will tell me that she "feels the Holy Ghost in her heart" and her eyes get watery when she feels the Holy Ghost.
She is very strong-willed and very independent. I love that she has developed her own opinion and even at her young age, she's not afraid to pick what she likes/wants even if it's different than her friends.
Of course we can't mention Clara without mentioning how funny she is. As she grows, her imagination isn't going away, it's just becoming a bit more realistic. Instead of always being tigers, Indians, chipmunks, etc., she is a teenager with a boyfriend and she's in college or a 10 year old. She says things that are outrageously hilarious.
I could go on and on and on. Have you met Clara? You could go on and on and on too. She is super special and super sweet and I am so grateful she's a part of our family.
Last night I laid with her in bed extra long. I wrapped my arms around her and told her I was going to stay there and hold her back from turning 5. She told me I couldn't do that. Growing up is so bittersweet, but I've noticed each new age/stage/phase is fun enough, exciting enough and fulfilling enough that I don't have much time to dwell on the yesterdays.
Happy Birthday my awesome little 5 year old!
