No Shame

On Thursday I went to a wedding reception. Jason stayed at home to get Clara and Hazel in bed, so I went alone. Flying solo doesn't typically bother me; been there, done that. However, this was the first time I've gone into a photo booth by myself. Being it's an excuse for people to make out and look ridiculous for a camera, it makes doing it alone feel counterintuitive. But I did it and I had fun. I'm just super glad no one saw me posing like a fool for the "picture" only to realize the camera hadn't started snapping away just yet.

MIM

Last weekend Jason's company invited their employees and their families to visit Musical Instrument Museum in Phoenix. I didn't have very high expectations, especially with kids, but I really enjoyed our visit. Actually, I loved it and I am pretty certain I will be back (but maybe without Jason). We got two tours. The first was with two reps from the architectural firm that did the project (an architect and a structural engineer). I was so intrigued learning why certain things were designed the way they were, what materials were used and why and having someone point out tricky and unusual design aspects. I am glad I switched my major from architecture to accounting, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate architecture. The second tour was from a docent at the museum and was less interesting, but much shorter. After that, we were free to roam.

The museum is laid out by country. For each exhibit, there are various authentic musical instruments on display and a TV showing natives playing the instruments. When you are within a certain distance of the TV, your headset tunes into that frequency so you can hear the instruments as you watch. Instead of one exhibit for the US, there are several exhibits based mostly on genre. After we did that, we went back downstairs to the interactive room. It's filled with instruments for kids (and adults) to play. We were at the museum for over 2 hours and it wasn't nearly long enough for Clara and I. Hazel had enough of the exhibits (it would be much less exciting without a headset) but could have stayed longer in the interactive room. Jason had enough of everything. I'm pretty sure if I go back, it won't be with him. 

This was a super cool instrument. It plays from electricity you generate. So you don't touch anything, but it makes noise.

Clara

Clara continues to be a good big sister, my fun little buddy and Miss helpful. She is such a unique, special little girl and sometimes I feel so underqualified to be her mother. This past week she's been especially funny. In addition to idolizing Rachel while she was staying at our house, she has been saying and doing some really funny/interesting things. At church she drew a picture of her without clothes on in the shower. She also told Rachel, "My mom is really good at popping zits but my dad isn't very good at it." Glad she helped me recognize one of my talents. She's really into people's appearances and honest to a T. We've had some really funny conversations, but this could be my current favorite:

C: I have something to tell you that might make you cry.

M: (brushing her teeth) Okay. Did you do something naughty?

C: No.

M: Okay, what do you want to tell me?

C: I think this might make you sad, but I like the way the people on TV look because they have shiny teeth and shiny faces and I wish you could look like that.

M: Yeah. Just remember a lot of people are fake. They spend lots of time and money to look like that and I'd rather spend my time and money on other things, like you and Hazel. Plus, I'm happy with the way I look but I care more about the way I act and treat people than how I look.

C: And sometimes when you wear a t-shirt you look like a boy.

M: Well, the reason I wore a t-shirt today is because I worked out in a garage for 4 hours sweating my guts out.

C: But I just really wish your teeth and face could be shiny like that lady with dark hair that comes over (my VT that is beautiful). 

M: Well, some things, like the shape of our teeth, are genetic and there's not much I can do about them, so I don't worry about it. I'm just happy with the way I am. 

C: And you don't look good in zits.

The next day she told me I looked pretty when I went to work and that she liked my hair curly. She also finally told me I have shiny teeth and she likes them. So she does give out plenty of compliments too.

Here was another awesome conversation:

C: Can I put makeup on?

M: Why?
C: Because I want to play boyfriend.

M: How do you play boyfriend?

C: Oh, I just run around and get the boys to chase me so that when they catch me and ask me to be their girlfriend, I can say NO! 

Or maybe when she told me she had a dream that she went to school without her clothes on and I asked her if she was embarrassed and she said, "No, I liked how it felt."

Clara's new vocabulary words make me laugh because of the grown up tone she uses, how she pronounces them and sometimes even the words themselves since they are clearly made up: dangin' (pretty sure she's combining dang+stinkin'), decision (pronounced: decishion) and perhaps are some of my favorite.

One day she was a horse and hooked herself up to the car to give Hazel a ride. 

Clara loves to pretend, especially with food. She set up her own little kitchen (below) to prepare all sorts of meals, which entertained her for an entire afternoon.

I have had so many people tell me I'll have more pictures of my oldest child. Unfortunately, lately that isn't close to being true. It seems like most of the time I pull out my camera, it's when Clara is gone, so I take pictures of Hazel. I need to take more pictures of this cute face (but maybe without her lioness hair... I'm not exactly sure how that came about...)

Hazel

My darling little Hazel. I can't believe she'll be two so soon, yet it seems like she's been a part of our family forever. I feel that way about a lot of things. I think it's because our minds and our souls are on different time tables than our earthly bodies. She usually eats well, sleeps great, is pretty mild mannered, loves to take toys from other kids, usually is happy to return toys that she's taken when I tell her to, is a little parrot, is very, very stubborn and receives endless comments about what a beautiful baby she is. She loves books and to draw. Clara didn't draw much at this age. She just wasn't interested in it, but Hazel LOVES to draw. I think we're past the drawing on skin, tile, table, etc. phase, so that is good. The best part about Hazel's drawings are that she'll scribble on the paper and then tell me what's she's drawn: el-phant, toe-pion, guy, etc. She can be super dramatic/excited about things, where she is panting like she's all worked up and excited. She tells me she has to go poop every single time she's about to toot. She tells me she has to go potty every 8 seconds and then wait until I put her diaper on to go. She loves books and loves anyone that will let her climb into their lap and read a book to her. She has an obsession with dipping her food. She dips food in her water and then eats it. I guess she just doesn't like dry food. My favorite was when she dipped her corn dog into her green smoothie (talk about an oxy-moron of a meal). She still loves my mom and I love the special little bond they have. She loves nursery and says, "toys!" every time we say Amen after a prayer in Sacrament Meeting. She is super happy when she wakes up from naps or in the morning. Even if I have to wake her up (which seems to happen a lot these days), she has the sweetest smile with her puffy little sleepy eyes. She's very independent and wants to "walk" whenever I'll let her. She loves to help me and I enjoy having another little sidekick around while Clara is gone at school. 

Both of my children love plain, uncooked oats.

She's been a little demanding lately and will stand like this and say, "hold you, hold you, hold you" over and over, super fast. She has also started saying, "now". Hmmm....

One day while I was on the phone, she got my waterproof mascara and smeared it all over her face. I was really glad she didn't know it was for her eyes.

I just love her little face and love how she'll almost always smile for the camera.

Or pick her nose...

***Post edit for posterity sake***

Time out: Hazel has a little temper and loves fits, so we have resorted to time out during the last several months. If she isn't listening/obeying/being nice, I ask her if she wants to go to time out and she'll often say, "Yes" and walk into the corner.

Hazel is so stubborn and determined. She can get just about any lid off anything by patiently wiggling it in her little hands. I think she's going to have a mechanical mind like Jason and my brother Daniel. She asked me to open a yo-yo and I told her know. So she wiggled and wiggled and unscrewed it and took it all apart.

She still sleeps on her side most of the time. Everytime I check on her and see that, it reminds me of when she was just a few days old and my mom was here helping me. She would lay Hazel on her side "because she likes it" and I would just laugh. But it's true, and my mom knew it right away. I guess once you have NINE(!) babies, you really do know what they like.

Hazel has started to give really awesome "squeezes" for a hug and I love to feel her little arms squeezing my neck with all her might.

I'll tell you a tale

Tonight we (all my siblings!) surprised my parents for their 60th birthdays. Sometimes the after-party pictures are my favorite. Instead of capturing a moment, they tell a story. Someone had fun here. 

On My Mind

Annoyed: On a few different occasions a couple weeks ago, I got really annoyed. Each time, it was justified. I would tell myself not to worry about it and try to let it slide, but I couldn't shake it because I felt so justified in being upset. Someone had wronged me and treated me poorly. I got more annoyed thinking about The Golden Rule and how I try so hard to live by it, yet people around me don't always. I take that personal and feel hurt that I'm willing to give and give and give and other people don't. So I thought about it and let it fester and I thought about it some more trying to figure out how to make that feeling going away. At some point during my thoughts, I realized my err: pride. Sure, sometimes other's actions create hurt, but we still are expected to be humble. To be humble, we must forgive and forget not just when we were treated poorly/unfairly, but especially when we think our feelings are justified based on other's actions.

Suicide: In situations of suicide, I mourn just like I would with any other death. However, there is an extra hurt that my heart feels. To think of anyone feeling so low that there is absolutely no reason to continue this life just breaks my heart. That someone is unable to see their divine potential, not to mention the love of so many around them, brings me to tears. Always.

Work: I think work is going to taper off. I'll miss the money but I'm a little giddy thinking about not working so much (it's about time!). Now I just need to make sure to keep a schedule on the days I don't work. Last week I worked about 20-30% of what I worked the previous week and by Friday, we were all about to go crazy. Hazel woke up for her nap and pretty much cried for an hour and a half. Then we went out to dinner and she was happy and pleasant all night. I think she just needed to get out of the house. Thank goodness cooler weather is ahead - that will help.

Determination: I am absolutely determined to de-junk my entire house in the next few days. My house hasn't been 100% tidy since we moved. I still have picture frames leaning against the wall. I am so sick of it and it seems like I went from one time hoarder to another (newborn, work, parties, etc.). I finally feel like I am at a place where I can get it all done. Even my closet. I just need to purge and toss like I've never done before. I might need some moral support.

Potty-training: I decided Hazel only pees in a diaper because she can. So my quick solution is going to be take her diapers away. She was without covering all morning and only peed once - in the shower (she walked into Clara's shower to go). But hey, that's better than on the floor. Besides, now might be a good time to admit when she's in the shower with me, I tell her she can pee in the shower. She was in underwear all afternoon (I even braved letting her wear them to go get Clara from dance) and didn't pee once. The second I put her diaper on, she peed. It made me think she knows when she is going to go but just enjoys peeing in a diaper. So she waited until I put it on.

Exercise: I have been exercising at least 4-5 times a week for a while now. I don't have much time, ever, which is why I love the online workout videos from SparkPeople. I like that I can pick a few different videos to focus on different areas and I love that they have short videos. I do laugh at the warm-ups and cool-downs. Life is my warm-up and cool-down.

"Diet": My darling milk-guzzling, cheese-inhaling meat addict husband has suggested that we eat a more plant-based diet. I have to let the man make his own decisions but I never thought I'd see the day where this was a suggestion coming from him. I went to Costco and bought pretty much the same things I always buy, which made me realize we don't have to make too many adjustments to our current eating habits. The truth is, we eat very little meat around here. The biggest change will be in our dairy consumption. I don't like milk but cheese? Mmmm. It's not like we won't eat animal products anymore, just less, especially dairy. Although Jason suggested we try that, he still makes his smart alec comments. Like asking me if our green smoothie was considered a "whole food" since all the food had been liquefied. Funny honey.

Laundry: A friend and I were talking a while ago about getting stains out of our kids' clothes. We went back and forth about brands and techniques and she ended with: Well, I guess I'm just better than you at laundry. We laughed, but it was true. It seems like 90% of my kids' clothes are stained. It looks like I'm just bad at laundry. Meanwhile, as I was folding laundry today Clara said, "Let's pretend that you are the one that folds all the laundry." I reminded her we wouldn't have to pretend. She continued, "And your name is Mrs. Folder." So tonight I drew a few conclusions: I am very bad at getting stains out but very good at folding.

Over-qualified (& work): Today someone told me I was overqualified for what they are looking for. By overqualified, I'm 100% sure they meant too expensive. Especially since they knew my qualifications when they called. I am okay with that. My plan is to go down to one day a week within a month or so. And according to Clara, that's a perfect balance. Not working at all is too little (they had Grandma withdrawals so we took my mom lunch today) and two days is sometimes too much. I think I agree.

Blogging: Why is there hardly anyone blogging these days? I keep hearing/reading about people that aren't blogging because they get too wrapped up in their online life. I guess I count myself lucky for never feeling like blogging was controlling my life. I control my blog and the time spent on it. If I'm busy, my blogging is less frequent. I like it when people read my blog, but that's not why I blog. I blog for the same reason I have over a dozen journals, lots of pictures and several scrapbooks. It's important to me to keep a record of my family. If no one ever read my blog again, I'd still blog. I blog for me and my children and their children. I blog for friends and family that I don't get to see often, because I like to know what people are up to, and I assume others do too. I'm pretty open and honest on my blog. What's you see is what you get. It's not a place I hold back much and I don't feel like I'm hiding behind the computer screen. Being an avid journaler, I LOVE blogging because a.) I'm more likely to do it and b.) I get to include pictures. So, no matter how lonely the blogging world gets, I'll continue to keep our family's history here. But it has felt lonely lately.

Goodman Reunion 2012 (9th in 10)

We spent Labor Day weekend in the mountains for Jason's family reunion. Descendants of his Great Grandma Hannah and Great Grandpa Bill Goodman congregate every year. There are lots of people there, but we usually socialize most with the Penrods. Let's be honest, there are just too many people for us to spend time with every single one of Jason's cousins. Now it's time for our kids to make those memories with their cousins.

We intended to leave around Noon on Friday. Jason was to leave work at 11am and I took the day off. Around 10am, I got a text from Jason saying he had to stay later to review some plans. It would have been nice to leave early, but that gave me some extra time to clean. Since I'm terrified that I'm going to die on vacation and someone is going to see my house messy, I like it clean when I leave. Sometimes it happens, sometimes (usually) it doesn't. We ended up leaving after 5:00pm and were packed to the roof.

Lamar and his dog Leia rode with us.  We don't like dogs, but we love Lamar. And in all fairness, his dog didn't make a peep the entire 4+ hours we were in the car.

We got to camp, set up, put the kids to bed and then hung out around the fire. Everyone went to bed after a while and Jason and I sat alone by the fire, which was rare and fun. The moon was incredibly bright and just being in the mountains listening to the fire crackle in the quite, crisp air and having Jason all to myself was lovely.

The weather was nearly perfect. It rained a bit on Sunday, but just enough to cool things off and keep the dust down. The nights weren't too cold and it was always cool enough in the shade during the day. We visited, played cards and just relaxed and enjoyed family and the beautiful earth. In anticipation for this trip, I thought of all the reasons I don't like camping: late nights, early mornings, junk food, dirt, outhouses, greasy hair, brushing teeth with a bottle of water, UNCOMFORTABLE beds (we actually deflated our mattress completely and slept on the ground the 2nd night and it was better than the mattress), no showers, doing dishes with no running water, tired kids, etc. I asked myself why we keep going and I realized it's because spending time with family, letting my kids run free (Clara was in Heaven and Jason was proud of himself for the freedom he gave her), enjoying the mountains and showing my kids the how nature can nurture our soul makes it worth the undesirable parts.

The kids woke up super early on Saturday. They had the kids' games that day and for one, they had to carry a duck on a spoon. You weren't supposed to let it fall off. The older kids realized they could just go really fast and if it fell off, they could pick it up and keep going. Clara, however, little Miss Exact, took the most cautious, careful steps to avoid the duck falling off. She knew the rules and didn't let that duck fall. She was last, by a lot, and got a prize for being last. Ha ha. Everyone was entertained. It made me smile because the way she participated in that game is a reflection of how she lives life.

Clara got up really early with Jason on Sunday to go be with him while he help cooked breakfast for the entire camp and Hazel, shockingly, slept through it. That allowed me to sleep until 7:30am or so. Then we did the usual community breakfast, testimony meeting (which as appropriately been nicknamed storymony meeting), had the business meeting, enjoyed the mountains, had the raffle and the program and then headed out. We decided to leave Sunday night so we'd have all day Monday to unpack and get things done around the house. Driving home was tough. Jason drove the entire time and was more tired than I've ever seen him. We pulled over in Payson so he could have a 15 minute power nap.

And now, all my pictures worth 1,000 words plus my 1,000 words. Lucky you.

One of my goals was to cook as little as possible. I wanted to enjoy camping not be preparing food, cooking and cleaning up after meals half the day. The only time I used our stove was to reheat the beef stew I'd made a few weeks prior. Here's Hazel enjoying homemade granola bars and yogurt for breakfast.

Jason's Uncle Kim's dog had puppies (eight, I think). Clara LOVED the puppies and would go sit and hold them whenever she got a chance.

This might be my favorite picture of Hazel. Oh, that little face.

Hazel loved to wander around. She'd walk 20 or so feet away from where I was and just explore. She especially loved pulling the tops off the weeds.

One thing Clara was so anxious to do was build a fort. We all lucked out when we found this amazing fort already made. Clara probably spent most of the day Saturday here.

My mom and Lily met us up there. Of course it's always fun to have them around, but I don't think anyone appreciated my mom's presence as much as Hazel.

Clara loves hanging out with adults - especially fun adults. Jason's cousin Becca took Clara to fly kites and then Clara decided to use the kites as costumes.

Look at this little treasure I found... the cutest little mushroom sprouted from a cow pie.

Hazel played in the dirt forever. Good thing it wasn't muddy, because all things considered, she didn't get too dirty.

One afternoon we took a long walk with Janet's girls. Between the mountains, the meadow, the wild flowers, my two darlings, the light rain and the good company, there was beauty everywhere. Literally.

Grandpa thought it'd be funny to play Hazel's lips like a banjo.

Jason's entire family was at the reunion. It seems like it's been a while since that happened. We took advantage of it and took lots of pictures. Luckily Kevin had his tripod, otherwise I don't think we would have got so many great shots.

All 13 grandchildren with Great Grandma Penrod

Ronnie and Connie and all their children, kids-in-law and grandchildren with Great Grandma Penrod

Jason's immediate family with Great Grandma Penrod

Connie and her girls

And of course, one of the 7 boys. One too many goofballs, that's for sure. When they start acting like this, I can only imagine what it was like for Connie raising them all. 

Jason putting the wiff in wiffle ball. :)

Hazel with Grandpa and Grandma.

On the left: what I woke up to Sunday morning. On the right: what kept Hazel entertained for the next 30 minutes. 

On the way to camp, I realized it was 10 years ago that I first went to this reunion with Jason. (It's our 9th time going together - we missed two years ago when we moved that same weekend). I remember that trip so well. On the way up, we got stuck in traffic for a horrible car accident. Instead of being irritated and annoyed, Jason was calm and laughed about it (an early sign he was just what my high-strung personality needed). I left Sunday morning to read my scriptures in the woods. I pressed a wildflower in my scriptures and had it until just recently. It always reminded me of that trip. Everyone teased me that anyone comes to the reunion comes back married. I thought, Boy, will they be surprised when we don't get married! I guess the joke's on me, right? Also memorable on that trip was our first kiss driving home. I'd waited a while to kiss him, so that was a turning point for me as far as how I viewed our relationship.

It was fun to reflect back on life then and compare it to life now. 10 years ago, we were dating, in school, working, more care free, kidless and in Jason's white S-10 that I thought would break down at any given minute. Now, I looked over the console at him, in our mini-van, two kids in the back and just smiled. We've both graduated college, Jason has an established career, we live in a permanent home and evenings and weekends are spent making memories with our kids. Life is so different, but oh so good. 10 years ago, I never would have imagined the struggles we'd face or the joy we would experience. My goodness I'm glad I kissed that boy 10 years ago and that he waited a year for me to figure things out and another 6 months to get married.