Don't get them panties in a bunch!

I'm almost sure this is erroneous news, but DVDRama.com is claiming that Ingmar Bergman's elusive, never-released-to-DVD English-language film The Touch [Beröringen], starring Elliott Gould, Bibi Andersson and Max von Sydow, is coming to DVD in March in France. I'm nearly positive that this is a mistake as Amazon.fr lists a completely different film with the title Le lien for a 24 March release date. However, this just begs the question as to why the powers that be are keeping us from seeing Elliott Gould act in a Bergman film. So, like I said, don't get those panties or false hopes up.

You're a whore, darlin'

Because you know they just love doing it, Entertainment Weekly made another list... this time counting down the 50 Sexiest Movies of All Time (you can find 1-25 here, and 26-50 here), most of which is pretty asinine, although I (sort of) applaud their choice of Steven Soderbergh's Out of Sight at the number one, even though I'm not sure it's "sexiness" resonates throughout the whole film enough for it to be the sexiest.

Shame, however, should be brought onto the mag for even mentioning 300 (which falls at number 50), which I will always lovingly refer to as gay porn for soccer moms (I didn't coin that, and forgive me for forgetting who coined it), a slice of ham like The Notebook, a cheese-fest like Dirty Dancing, an unsalted cracker like Cruel Intentions and a turd like Ghost. Shakespeare in Love and Mr. & Mrs. Smith could have also been omitted, and don't get me started on their ridiculous placement of fucking Once at #11. But props of course are to be given for the inclusion of In the Mood for Love, Mulholland Drive (duh) and The Unbearable Lightness of Being (and, of course, that impossibly sexy scene in Don't Look Now between Julie Christie and Donald Sutherland)... If EW was so intent on choosing so many non-traditional "sexy" movies, where was Persona, which contains easily the hottest, fully-clothed, non-sex scene ever?

For a more inspired list, you can check out their 25 Least Sexy Movies of All Time, which goes from Showgirls to Batteries Not Included to Requiem for a Dream to Gone Fishin'.

Asshole 400

If you're feeling superficial: You're in good company! This is my 400th fucking post and instead of making a boring list of films or bitching about the Oscars, I'm just going to post 20 photos of filmic individuals who I'd give the business to (for a variety of reasons...). Yeah, I'm shallow. And no, I'm not sexually confused, but would you really turn down Asia Argento or Grace Jones? Not this faggot.

In no particular order:
Rosanna Arquette (pictured with Thom Yorke, to whom the business would not be given)
Monica Vitti (I like the variety in hair color I get with L'avventura or La notte)
PJ Harvey (Um, she was in Hal Hartley's The Book of Life, so it counts)
Paul Schneider (In George Washington)
The Renier brothers, Jérémie et Yannick (Together... in Private Property)
Romain Duris (Yikes, I'll take him in anything, especially The Beat That My Heart Skipped)
Grégoire Colin (Again, in anything, take your pick, but how about Beau travail?)
Harry Baer (in Gods of the Plague, definitely)
Jane Fonda (pre-exercise tapes, maybe even in Vietnam)
Jean-Marc Barr (Post-The Big Blue)
Lior Ashkenazi (Late Marriage, Walk on Water)
Daniel Hendler (Family Law, though really anything)
Emmanuelle Seigner (particularly in The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, and with Roman Polanski watching)
Gina Gershon (hell, and Jennifer Tilly too)
Grace Jones (!!!!)
Aiden Gillen (Either with crazy hair or as Mayor Carcetti on The Wire)
Alain Delon (Purple Noon or L'Eclisse)
Asia Argento (with blood, lots of it, and her dad filming)
Béatrice Dalle (Betty Blue 4-ever)
Bibi Andersson (Persona)

Girls Night Out

The Girls (Flickorna) - dir. Mai Zetterling - 1968 - Sweden

If good intentions were the sole basis of film criticism, The Girls might have been a fine film. Unfortunately, for all it's good intentions, Mai Zetterling's The Girls is anything but. Starring three of Bergman's finest actresses, Bibi Andersson, Harriet Andersson, and Gunnel Lindblom, Zetterling (an actress who starred in Bergman's first screenwriting attempt, Torment) employs early second-wave feminist theory into a fantasy tale of three actresses whose involvement in the play Lysistrata, by Aristophanes, causes them to reevaluate the state of women in politics and their own lousy personal lives. The actresses, of course, are wonderful (and gorgeous), but, and perhaps this is a bias, seem misplaced without the hand of Ingmar Bergman to guide them. The fact is that the film is nothing other than theory, displaced and detached from viewership. Zetterling, who had a long run in both Swedish theatre and cinema, is obviously an intelligent woman with admirably radical and angry thoughts about women's place in society, but she should've opted to insert these ideas in some sort of fluid and effective film.