The Decade List: (Some of) The Worst Films (2007)

Since it was established with 2006's Worst that the Austin Butt-Numb-a-Thon, hosted by everyone's favorite troll, is a legitimate place for a film to make its world premiere, technically 300 and Black Snake Moan belong in the previous year. But 300 is such a fucking horribleterriblewretched film that I'll just leave it with the '07s for now. Black Snake Moan, however, doesn't even register on the shit list when compared to that garbage I once heard referred to as "gay porn for soccer moms," but it sucks enough on its own, outside of one nicely edited music sequence.

This list does beg the question: which breed of bad movie is worse? The obvious abortions (I Know Who Killed Me, Norbit, Good Luck Chuck) or the respected-foreign-auteur-remakes-himself-in-some-form-or-another-for-his-English-language-debut (My Blueberry Nights, Funny Games U.S.)? It was a real lousy year for both Wong Kar-wai and Michael Haneke, whose '07 offerings reeked of not just complacency but utter laziness. Neither could be accused of losing artistic control as a result of Hollywood's over-the-shoulder glare as both were multinational productions, receiving quite a bit of funding from the French in addition to their native countries. They had otherwise respectable English-speaking actors on board, who either did their usual schtick (Naomi Watts) or just embarrassed themselves completely (Rachel Weisz).

Thankfully, Haneke has recovered from the injury of Funny Games U.S., which was one of the major failures that eventually shut down Warner Independent, with his creepy, elegant Palme d'Or winner The White Ribbon [Das weiße Band]. Wong has yet to truly follow My Blueberry Nights up (Ashes of Time Redux doesn't count), though he has reteamed with Tony Leung for 2010's Bruce Lee/martial arts "biopic" The Grand Master, rumored to also star Gong Li and an out-of-retirement Brigitte Lin.

Some lingering questions/thoughts about a few of the titles below. 1.) Why do my parents insist on watching that manipulative drivel August Rush every time its on television (which can sometimes be thrice daily)? 2.) Aside from Assayas' demonlover (and probably The Wizard, but for altogether different reasons), most films that visually incorporate video games are going to blow (w/r/t Ben X, and possibly its upcoming American remake if that's still in production). 3.) Jodie Foster < style="font-weight: bold;">Diary of the Dead? It retains none of the qualities that made his previous zombie films (even Land of the Dead) so enjoyable. 5.) If Dragon Wars had extended that big Los Angeles destruction scene into its full running time, you might have seen it appear on the actual Decade List (as long as they axed poor Robert Forster in the process).

6.) Lots of nudity apparently does not make a horrible movie that much more tolerable (w/r/t the Uschi Obermaier biopic Eight Miles High). 7.) In the past 10 years, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre received a crappy US remake, a crappier US prequel and a wonderful in-spirit-only French take in Fabrice Du Welz's Calvaire; so why bother with something as lousy as Frontière(s)? 8.) Was anyone else deeply disturbed by Dawn Wiener's death scene in Hostel: Part 2? I've already forgotten the specifics of everything else about the movie, but that scene... I can't get rid of. 9.) I should look up and see what other films were in the running for the Caméra d'Or at the '07 Cannes Film Festival, because there had to be something better than Jellyfish playing that year. 10.) The list has a number of "comedies" that didn't pull a single laugh out of me: Good Luck Chuck, Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer, Mr. Woodcock, Molière, Kiss the Bride, Starrbooty and The Ten. I'm pretty sure I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry belongs on that list, but I can vouch that the others didn't provoke even a smirk out of me.

- 300 - d. Zack Snyder - USA [also here]
- August Rush - d. Kirsten Sheridan - USA
- Ben X - d. Nic Balthazar - Belgium/Netherlands
- Beowulf - d. Robert Zemeckis - USA
- Black Snake Moan - d. Craig Brewer - USA
- The Brave One - d. Neil Jordan - USA/Australia
- City of Men [Cidade dos Homens] - d. Paulo Morelli - Brazil
- Diary of the Dead - d. George A. Romero - USA
- Dragon Wars [D-War] - d. Shim Hyung-rae - South Korea
- Eight Miles High [Das wilde Leben] - d. Achim Bornhak - Germany
- Elizabeth: The Golden Age - d. Shekhar Kapur - UK/France/Germany
- Frontier(s) [Frontière(s)] - d. Xavier Gens - France/Switzerland
- Funny Games U.S. - d. Michael Haneke - France/UK/Austria/Germany/USA/Italy [also here]
- Good Luck Chuck - d. Mark Helfrich - USA
- Hannah Takes the Stairs - d. Joe Swanberg - USA
- Happily N'Ever After - d. Paul Bolger, Yvette Kaplan - USA/Germany
- Hostel: Part 2 - d. Eli Roth - USA
- I Can't Think Straight - d. Shamim Sarif - UK
- I Know Who Killed Me - d. Chris Sivertson - USA
- I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry - d. Dennis Dugan - USA
- In the Valley of Elah - d. Paul Haggis - USA
- Into the Wild - d. Sean Penn - USA [also here]
- Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer - d. Jon Knautz - Canada
- Jellyfish [Les méduses] - d. Shira Geffen, Etgar Keret - Israel/France
- Joe Strummer: The Future Is Unwritten - d. Julien Temple - UK/Ireland
- Kiss the Bride - d. C. Jay Cox - USA
- Lost in Beijing - d. Li Yu - China
- Molière - d. Laurent Tirard - France
- Mr. Woodcock - d. Craig Gillespie - USA
- My Blueberry Nights - d. Wong Kar-wai - Hong Kong/France/China
- Norbit - d. Brian Robbins - USA
- The Orange Thief - d. Vinnie Angel, Boogie Dean, Arthur Wilinski - USA
- Poor Boy's Game - d. Clément Virgo - Canada
- Schoolboy Crush - d. Kôtarô Terauchi - Japan
- Sex & Breakfast - d. Miles Brandman - USA
- Starrbooty - d. Mike Ruiz - USA
- Sunshine - d. Danny Boyle - UK/USA
- Teeth - d. Mitchell Lichtenstein - USA
- The Ten - d. David Wain - USA
- Then She Found Me - d. Helen Hunt - USA

Docs and Midnight Madness at Toronto '09

More titles have been added to the Toronto International Film Festival's line-up. I have them listed below, sorry if I'm repeating any of these. Some of the notable titles below include Diablo Cody's screenwriting follow-up to Juno, Jennifer's Body; the sequel to [REC]; the sequel to Ong Bak; another sure-to-be-terrible addition to George A. Romero's Dead Saga; a documentary about The White Stripes, from one of the directors of, um, Out Cold; and a documentary compiled of found footage from a Henri-Georges Clouzot film with Romy Schneider entitled L'enfer de Henri-Georges Clouzot. Read more about all the films that have already been announced at their official website.

Real to Reel

- The Art of the Steal - d. Don Argott - USA
- Bassidji - d. Mehran Tamadon - Iran/France/Switzerland
- Colony - d. Carter Gunn, Ross McDonnell - Ireland
- L'enfer de Henri-Georges Clouzot - d. Serge Bromberg, Ruxandra Medrea - w. Romt Schneider, Jacques Gamblin, Henri-Georges Clouzot - France
- Google Baby - d. Zippi Brand Frank - Israel
- How to Fold a Flag - d. Michael Tucker, Petra Epperlein (Gunner Palace, The Prisoner; or How I Planned to Kill Tony Blair) - USA
- The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers - d. Judith Ehrlich, Rick Goldsmith - USA
- Presumed Guilty [Presunto culpable] - d. Roberto Hernández, Geoffrey Smith - Mexico
- Schmatta: Rags to Riches to Rags - d. Marc Levin (Slam, Mr. Untouchable) - USA
- Snowblind - Vikran Jayanti (Britney Spears Saved My Life) - USA
- The Topp Twins - d. Leanne Pooley - New Zealand
- Videocracy - d. Erik Gandini (Gitmo) - Sweden

Midnight Madness

- [REC] 2 - d. Jaume Balagueró, Paco Plaza - Spain
- Bitch Slap - d. Rick Jacobson - w. Lucy Lawless - USA
- Daybreakers - d. Michael Spierig, Peter Spierig (Undead) - w. Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe, Sam Neill - USA/Australia
- Jennifer's Body - d. Karyn Kusama (Girlfight, Aeon Flux) - w. Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Adam Brody, Amy Sedaris, J.K. Simmons - USA
- The Loved Ones - d. Sean Byrne - Australia
- Ong Bak 2: The Beginning - d. Tony Jaa, Panna Rittikrai - w. Jaa - Thailand
- Survival of the Dead - d. George A. Romero - w. Kenneth Welsh, Devon Bostick - Canada
- Symbol - d. Hitoshi Matsumoto (Big Man Japan) - w. Matsumoto - Japan
- A Town Called Panic [Panique au village] - d. Stéphane Aubier, Vincent Patar - Belgium/Luxembourg/France

2008 Progress Report, Part 1: UPDATED

Well, fuck me, it’s already past the half-year mark, and 2008 has really surprised me. Thanks to studios like IFC, the early part of the year has been filled with 2007 leftovers from the various international festivals. From new films by Gus Van Sant, Jacques Rivette, Catherine Breillat and Olivier Assayas, to name a few, could you ask for a whole lot more? I’ve assessed all the films I’ve seen that were released in the United States this year and arranged them into three convenient categories. The first contains the real stand-outs of the early year, films likely to hit that impending best of the year list. The second is an A for effort, for films that tried but didn’t exactly succeed but are not altogether dismissible. And finally, the last list will contain 2008’s duds, of which I hear there are many outside of what I’ve seen (hello, The Happening, The Love Guru, Hancock!).Let's start things out with the worst. Thankfully, I avoided a number of the multiplex flicks, so the list is surprisingly small, even though it does contain some shit-fests.

UPDATE: So Harmony Korine's Mister Lonely is officially the most forgettable film of 2008. This is the second time I've tried to think up films released in 2008 that I've seen, and twice I've left this film out. Hopefully, I'll forget Drillbit Taylor as soon as I've forgotten this one.

The Bad!

City of Men [Cidade dos Homens] – dir. Paulo Morelli – Brazil – Miramax – with Douglas Silva, Darlan Cunha

Cloverfield – dir. Matt Reeves – USA – Paramount – with Michael Stahl-David, Lizzy Caplan, Mike Vogel, Jessica Lucas

Diary of the Dead – dir. George A. Romero – USA – Dimension

Drillbit Taylor – dir. Steven Brill – USA – Paramount – with Owen Wilson, Leslie Mann, Alex Frost, Josh Peck

Frontier(s) [Frontière(s)] – dir. Xavier Gens – France – Lionsgate – with Karina Testa, Aurélien Wiik, Samuel Le Bihan

Funny Games – dir. Michael Haneke – France/UK/USA – Warner Independent – with Naomi Watts, Tim Roth, Michael Pitt, Brady Corbet, Devon Gearhart

Grand, The – dir. Zak Penn – USA – Anchor Bay – with Woody Harrelson, Cheryl Hines, Dennis Farina, Werner Herzog, David Cross

Kiss the Bride – dir. C. Jay Cox – here! Films – USA – with Philipp Karner, James O’Shea, Tori Spelling, Joanna Cassidy

Mister Lonely - dir. Harmony Korine - IFC Films - France/USA/UK/Ireland - with Diego Luna, Samantha Morton, Denis Lavant, Anita Pallenberg, James Fox, Werner Herzog, Leos Carax

Other Boleyn Girl, The – dir. Justin Chadwick – USA/UK – Sony Pictures – with Eric Bana, Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, Jim Sturgess, Mark Rylance, Kristin Scott Thomas, David Morrissey