H is for Humanoids

I missed the April A-Z Blog Challenge this year, so I'm doing my own...in June. This year, I will be posting one post per day discussing my AD&D campaign, for the curious. Since 2020, this is the ONLY campaign I run. Enjoy!

H is for Humanoids...orcs and such.

"Humanoid," when used as a noun, means "a being resembling a human in shape" (the -oid suffix is the "resembling" bit). So, you know, two arms, two legs and a head. An xorn doesn't really fit the bill, nor does any creature that walks on four legs.

And yet there are many creatures in the Monster Manual that resemble the "human shape" as much as an orc or goblin that are not defined as "humanoids." Sea hags, for instance, or yeti. Why not? Doesn't a minotaur have the same number of limbs as a gnoll? 

But if I look to the definition of the adjective form of the word (i.e. to describe a "humanoid creature"), we see a little something extra: "having an appearance or character resembling that of a human." Ah...now that's something to consider.

There are plenty of D&D creatures that have a vague resemblance to the human shape: faeries of all stripes, giants, various aquatic creatures, even animal hybrids like harpies and centaurs. But they lack the character of a human, character being defined as "the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual."  Personality-wise, humanoids resemble humans. These other monsters? They don't.  Even if they are sentient, even if they are tool-users, their psychology is alien compared to a human. You cannot use the same line of reasoning with a lizard man or mind flayer that you would to resolve a conflict with a human adversary (humans don't haggle over how many brains we're going to devour).

So, yeah...bullywugs and crabmen? Not humanoids. Neither are the giant-folk (who operate on a scale well outside of human experience) nor the faerie-folk (who are fey and whimsical and often...as with dryads and nymphs...quite alien) nor the various extra-planar/dimensional beings (djinn, devils, night hags, etc.). In fact, there are only EIGHT critters that count as "humanoids" in my setting; they are: bugbears, gnolls, goblins, hobgoblins, kobolds, ogres, ogre magi, and orcs.

These eight species count as humanoid because they resemble humans both in terms of form and character. They are sentient and aware. They possess language and technology. They have social structures, traditions, "laws" they follow (though these are pretty meager with regard to bugbears and ogres). They are mortal and possess lifespans and biological cycles roughly equivalent to humans. They eat the same foods; they want the same things. They share many of the same fears and ambitions. They are reasoning creatures.

Of these eight, orcs are the closest in resemblance to humans; this is why they are available for play as a PC species. As I've written before, I do not have "half-orcs" in my game; the term is us used to describe an orc who has joined (or attempted to join) human society, adventuring with humans and their allies (elves, dwarves, etc.). To normal humans, such individuals are (perhaps mockingly) referred to as "half-orc," acknowledging that while they are definitely not human, they're not quite the same as a member of their own community...and to that orc community, these beings are (often) seen as betrayers of their kin, and the orcish word for such rogues roughly translates as "half-orc," but in terms of being lame or crippled, albeit in spirit.

1st edition orcs. Note: NOT Mexican.

But orcs do not breed with humans...or any other non-orc species. My campaign setting is not the magical hybrid-land of Piers Anthony's Xanth books. Other than the objective data of hit dice and AC and whatnot, I choose to presume the information in the Monster Manual are something akin to field descriptions by an amateur (and somewhat racists/xenophobic) biologist-anthropologist. Similar in nature to the writing of 15th and 16th century European explorers attempting to describe the civilizations they encountered in the Americas and elsewhere. Not factual but, instead, based on subjective impression and misunderstanding due to poor translation and inexperience with different cultures.

[we call such descriptions "racist," because the person doing the writing has a presumption of the superiority of their own race (in this case, I mean the human race, i.e. species). But this racist orientation does not always or necessarily result in poor treatment or relations towards the perceived "lesser" species...but often enough that it's not considered a practical assumption to take; see my previous post on alignment]

Orcs are ubiquitous to my setting; they have small villages and communities on the (Olympic) peninsula, around the Puget Sound, and on the east side of the Cascades, as well as along the Columbia. You will also find them in the region of Okanogan County, near Winthrope

The non-orc humanoids fall into three groups: the ogres, the gnolls, and the goblins. As with the orcs, these all have an antagonistic relationship to humans (hence, the "evil" alignment designation), because they have a long history of competing for the same food supply, resources, and territory of humanity and (especially) the humans' main allies...dwarves and elves...both of whom have a much longer history on the planet of my setting. However, each of these groups (including the orcs) compete with each other as well as the "good races," and should not be seen as any kind of unified "horde" of antagonistic creatures. In fact, it is their lack of unity...in comparison to the human-elf-dwarf alliance...that has led to the humanoids leading a meaner existence, relegated to inhospitable corners of the wilds.

When totaled, the goblins are the most numerous of all the humanoid groups, but their species is divided into four distinct types that have complicated relationships with each other. The basic "goblin" is the standard of their species, but are diminutive, leading to a disadvantage in inter-humanoid warfare. Their warriors, however, are large, fierce, and well-organized...these are the hobgoblins (so called because of their proclivity for hobnailed jackboots)...unfortunately, they are far fewer in number than than the orcs, and (still) smaller in size than both the gnolls and the ogres. The kobolds are despised "runts" driven out of goblin society and forced to live an even meaner and cruder existence in abject squalor...they hate their own (goblin) kind only slightly less than they hate other species. And then the bugbears, true outsiders of the goblin race, these huge hairy, mutants are prone to violence and insanity, and "do not play nice with others;" driven from goblin communities (much like the kobolds) they sometimes form small bands in the wild where they survive via banditry. Many human communities place a bounty on bugbear scalps.

My kobolds are more pale, 
scrawny goblins than the
mailed dog-men of the MM.

Some enclaves of goblins can be found in the (northern) Cascades, but the bulk of their kind congregate in northern Idaho. However, bugbears tend to live in the forested parts of western Washington, while kobolds can be found farther south (near the active volcano of Mount Saint Helens). Goblins do not build boats and are not found on the water.

The ogres are the strongest and most intimidating of the humanoids, but they are also the fewest in number; they have a "society" in only the most loosest of terms. Once, perhaps, this was different, but ogres have been hunted almost to extinction by the other peoples of the setting, and they are now only found in out-of-the-way places, sometimes selling their services to other humanoids as muscle in exchange for food and coin. The ogre magi are exceedingly rare and bear witness to a civilization that "once was," passing on a tradition that most ogres feel unnecessary to the survival of their race. However, there are some among them who dream of of seeing ogre-kind rise to prominence again...perhaps a looming threat on the horizon?

Once we were kings.

The vast majority of remaining ogres hide among the mountains of northern Idaho. 

Finally the gnolls, the hairy mongrels of the humanoid tribes. Gnoll-ish society is perhaps the least understood of all, as they are a nomadic people who refuse to set down roots. They live by raiding and pillaging, and selling their services as mercenaries...generally other humanoids...but have shown a propensity for turning on masters who show signs of weakness, or when offered a more lucrative deal. 

Gnoll society is matriarchal: they have far fewer females than males, and gnoll warriors are expected to earn glory and gold in order to woo the hands of unattached gnoll maidens. Leading warbands and acquiring followers and pillage is in aid of building family structure and having children...it is less about legacy and more about biological imperative. Gnolls respect strength, because strength leads to survival of the tribe...a chieftain cultivates followers by showing that he can be a provider, but a weak leader will be challenged and (if defeated) devoured. The females, for their part, appear just as fickle in their loyalty, for they are pragmatic...their decision making is based on the good of the community. They are also the spiritual leaders (and spell-casters) of the species. The women command; the men obey, and the gnoll king is the mate of the highest-ranking female of the village.

Gnolls are found throughout the peninsula, and on both sides of the Cascades (though on the eastern side, they stay closer to the mountains), as well as along the length of the Columbia (where they will sometimes engage in piracy, but more often ambush travelers who come ashore in vulnerable spaces). Gnolls are also found in bands in northern Idaho, but not in great numbers...they are more prominent farther east (in Montana).  However, their nomadic lifestyle means they can appear anywhere they find easy prey.

All right...that's enough for the day.

Friday Updates

First a couple updates about the new book (COMES CHAOS): people are buying it (thanks to all my customers) so hopefully there will be a review or two in the near future. Some folks have had issues opening the original file, but this only seems to be the case when using the latest Adobe Acrobat...no idea why. However, I've updated the product at DriveThru so that the purchase includes a cover-less PDF, and that has (so far) opened fine in ALL formats.

***EDIT: It appears the cover issues have been fixed.***

New Book...Fun!

I've been asked a couple times now about a print version of the book. That's in the works, but I don't have a release date yet. I wanted to get the book out and available so that folks would have it in time for any Halloween gaming escapades (it does have some "horror" elements)...but mainly it's been sitting on the hard drive so long, I just wanted to get the thing out and into the world. 

More biz updates (hopefully) in the next couple/few days.

[some folks might be curious why I'm bothering to publish/promote a B/X-based supplement when...for the last many moons...I've been writing fairly exclusively about AD&D and how it's the "truest" form of Dungeons & Dragons. There are multiple reasons, not the least of which are: the book was already written, B/X is still the system I'm most comfortable designing for, B/X is still an edition that is "worthy" of being played...AND I understand that for plenty of folks B/X is their preferred system (because it's streamlined, because it's quicker/easier, because it's a sensible, mostly complete game, etc.). Still, the main reason is: it was a nice piece of writing, and I want to be known as a dude who writes for this game, not just some balthering idiot with a blog. It makes my ego feel better to have published something]

Regarding our Blood Bowl World Cup: it is still on-going, but one team has its spot in the finals (Bubblegum Dynamite), and the other semi-final game is halfway done (we plan on finishing the 2nd half today). It's tough finding time to play full games with our busy schedule, but we're close, and will probably have a champion crowned by Sunday. The orcs punched their ticket to Cup game by demolishing the Amazons 1-0 (not a high scoring affair, but only five of the 'Ladies were left on the pitch by the end of the game). Unfortunately, their thrower was killed two games back and they will be forced to go with their "ground game" against a high scoring team, regardless of the outcome (the halftime score of our other semifinal? 3-2. And we're expecting more TDs in the second half of this classic shootout). Rough.

Of course, there are parallels to be drawn with the Seahawks losing their quarterback in last night's fiasco. Not that this concerns me over-much. I mean Gino Smith isn't Russell Wilson, no, but this season the quarterback isn't the problem. The defense is the problem. And the problem with the defense is f'ing Jamal Adams. You cannot build a proper orky defense around a goblin, and that is what Adams is. Well, in Blood Bowl terms. Watching him get erased by Cooper Kupp (a wide receiver with...as one analyst described...the size and physique of a dentist) to spring a 29 yard run is at least as egregious as watching him give up 68 yard receptions and get beat like a drum in the endzone by a middle-of-the road tight end. In NFL terms, he's garbage...currently ranked the #70 safety in the league, per Pro Football Focus.

[for non-football fans: there are 32 NFL teams, and each has two starting safeties. Being outside the top 64 would mean sitting on the bench...and yet the Seahawks made him the highest paid safety in the game. Crap. Tastic.]

I blogged earlier that I'd softened my stance on Adams. Okay, yeah, no. No more. The book is out on him around the League: he is the pigeon of the defense. The skaven...er, Rams...simplified their offense immensely in the 2nd half of last night's game: just go after Adams. In the run game. In the passing game. Doesn't matter. Where's #33? There he is. Call the play that attacks his position. For a guy who wanted to be paid more than B-Wags? An All Pro who will be in the Hall of Fame one day? No. Current BB stats:

#33 Goblin : MA 7 ST 2 AG 3 AV 8 Skills: Dauntless, Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty, Thick Skull

He's still a better-than-average goblin (his line has four advances in the stat line), but he can't cover, he can't block, he can't tackle, he gets stood up by gutter runners...just sad. Damn, Seahawks. Losing at home...again. To the Rams...again.

Ah, well. MY orc team is built around solid defense. Yes, they have a goblin...he never saw the field in the semi-final. He is a last ditch, act-of-desperation player. Not the centerpiece to a defense. Good thing...the Seahawks are giving up 450 yards per game on defense this year. We'll see if they can fix it. In my opinion, they can't until they cut bait with Adams.

All right, that's enough bitchin-moaning. It's Friday for goodness sakes! And I've got a new book out (probably why I'm not as bitter, resentful as I might be...YES, I am actually in a good mood at the moment!). And lots of soccer to watch! Halleluja!

Have a great weekend, folks. Seriously. I fully intend to. At least I know my Sunday won't be wrecked by a dumpster-fire Seahawks game.

; )

Burn that uniform, gobbo.

Goblin Wars Update

For all my players: the game is ON this Thursday, as usual.

Much as I'd prefer to continue waxing about Star Wars or space opera or some other non-D&D subject, I'm feeling like I own my readers a bit of an update on what's been going down at the Baranof of late.

We'll see how much I can get typed up in the next 20 minutes.

To be brief: I wrote up a simple adventure to go with my rather complex campaign setting in the hopes of kicking off "something good." The first session went pretty well, and certainly easy on the party...they found their objective site-based adventure location after a minimum of wandering around, and got through a couple encounters without a single casualty (plus they made a hefty haul of troll loot). The second session, however, ended in disaster with seven of eight PCs killed (one player losing two characters over the course of the evening).

Matthew ("Cod Sandwich") re-joined us for the 2nd evening (he was the one who died twice...not the greatest Welcome Back, I'm afraid) so we had seven total players, but even if we'd had more, I'm not sure the PCs would have come out any better. I'm starting to think that Edwards's analysis of D&D (the "extreme crunch" of play at low-levels) is right on the money...survival really seems like a crap shoot at 1st level, unless all you do is lob soft balls at the players or fudge dice rolls (both things I'm loathe to do).

And yet, I was going with the standard "adventure set-up" of the Moldvay rules. Including empty rooms (which, by the way, are difficult to make interesting or exciting). I'll outline the encounters that did the PCs in:

- approaching the cave entrance (several days after their initial foray...they spent time between sessions healing up their fighter who took a bunch of damage), they were surprised to be on the receiving end of goblin arrows...apparently, leaving a dead wolf pack in their den is a tip to goblins that someone's been poking around their base of operations. Charging the cave like a Nazi pillbox (and wishing they had grenades) Matt's dwarf took an arrow in the head and went down. Fortunately, he'd brought his younger brother along. Yelling something about "unleashing the dragons" the PCs were able to bluff the gobbos into blowing their morale roll and retreating.

- wandering around the caves, they stumbled into an unstable tunnel (one of only a couple traps in the dungeon). Although they weren't taking any 10' pole like precautions, I gave all the dwarves and sharp-eyed elves (four of 'em) a 2 in 6 chance to spot "bad news." Then I gave everyone else (except the thief in the very back rank) the same chance. Every single roll was blown by the party. I then gave them all a chance to save versus paralysis to see if they could avoid being crushed by falling rock as the tunnel collapsed. The cave-in only did 1D8 damage (or half with the save) and all the PCs had maximum hit points for 1st level, but both elves still ended up getting crushed to death, and three others were battered and bruised (only the dwarf and thief in the back rank escaped unscathed...the magic-user was down to 1 hit point).

- the party decided it was time to cut their losses and retreat. On the way out, someone (probably Matt) asked if I thought the goblins would come back. "Good question." I rolled for wandering monsters and the dice came up a "1" so a patrol of (random roll) five goblins attacked them at a crossroads as they tried to thread their way out of the labyrinth. As the elves had been the only characters with sleep spells, the PCs were forced to fight. Kvarkel the mage did attempt his charm person spell, but the goblin saved with a 20, and the party was butchered in fairly rapid fashion. Only one wounded warrior (Vince's dwarf prince, Gordon) survived. He grabbed two backpacks from his fallen comrades and hustled his ass out before more goblins could arrive. Only one of the backpacks had treasure in it unfortunately (the other one belonged to Matt, who hadn't been with the party in the prior session and was flat broke).

When we left off last Thursday, I was strongly considering doing up a new, EVEN EASIER, adventure. But I'm pretty lazy...maybe we'll just run it again. There is, after all still treasure in them hills.

Unlike my White Plume Mountain one-off, I'm not so interested in killing all the PCs. Here's the thing: even without that, killing 1st level characters is too damn easy. The players were saying, they would have had a better chance of survival if I'd allowed them to buy plate mail (they still had AC 4 or better except for the MU and thief), but it really wouldn't have helped with the way my dice were rolling that night. Ugh.

Well, we'll see what happens this week. We ARE playing, after all.

; )

Back to the Baranof

Tonight will be a return to our regularly scheduled Thursday evening game night, and (presumably) the start of our Goblin Wars campaign.

Oh, brother.

Coming up with an adventure for 1st level characters is tough for a variety of reasons…maybe this is why so many low-level adventures get published?

Firstly, there’s the whole scenario issue. My campaign setting isn’t one that’s conducive to the classic mega-dungeon (unless there’s some sort of Skara Brae-like sewer system beneath the town), which means I have to come up with something that “fits” that is also appropriate for 1st level characters.

“Appropriate for 1st level” is the key phrase here…while the players are experienced, their characters are at the most fragile state of their existence. Yes, I have some qualms about killing these poor newbie adventurers…I think the GW setting is a fairly interesting one, though a lot of the cooler campaign ideas won’t open up till higher levels (like 4th or 5th). Survival to that point is going to be pretty tough, especially as the players are being obstinate about playing clerics in the setting (not that 1st level clerics have any spells at 1st level anyway). On the other hand, two of the five PCs are elves and a third is a magic-user, so they will have plenty of “firepower;” I don’t want to make the adventure too easy, either!

[yeah, my 8-man group has dropped to 5. AB was absent last session, and might be MIA tonight as well depending on a recent illness; Josh just had his baby (congrats!); and I’m not sure if Matthew is back in town yet or not]

The main issue though is putting together an adventure that “makes sense” in light of the characters and setting. From our discussion two weeks ago, it would appear anyway that the players are NOT interested in some throwaway random encounter lark of an adventure…and frankly, neither am I.

And yet that’s a tall order to do something MEANINGFUL when the characters are so close to being goners. I don’t want to treat them like “weenies,” and I certainly don’t want them to feel like that, so I’m not going to give them some sort of “step-and-fetch” adventure (i.e. no “go kill the giant rats in the cellar and I’ll give you 500gp,” etc.). They may not be hardened adventurers but they are still “adventurers;” and that means giving them a meaningful bit of adventure-work is priority numero uno.

Shoot…I just hope they don’t all get killed tonight.
; )

[“what, what, what??” say my readers. “No death-dealing desires?” Look killing 1st level characters is kind of like shooting fish in a barrel…they die if you cough on them. It’s all well and good for Gygax to do the dirty work (e.g. by running them through T1 or B2), but when it’s My Watch, any slaughter is likely to get cat-calls from the crowd.

I will say that reading through my own B/X Companion this morning…especially chapters 3, 6, and 7…gives me a ton of adventure ideas. It’s too bad I’ve already got the “goblin thang” going on, as I would love to throw a few dokkalfar into the mix. Hell, I might still! Why couldn’t they have gone with Norse?]

Okay, We Set our Campaign...

...and decided we'd be doing the Goblin Wars idea.

The players decided they liked the idea, we rolled up some characters, and we discussed some ideas for the direction of the campaign. Since it will be two weeks before we meet again (we're taking next Thursday off for the Thanksgiving holiday) that gives me a little time to put together an adventure or two for the players.

I'll write more about this later, and introduce the characters as well. No random headgear this time...though I did add helmets to the equipment menu. Remember there's no "plate mail" in this particular campaign? Helmets help make up the difference a bit:

Helmet, cost 15gp, AC (-1)

Wearing a helmet makes it impossible to hear quiet noises through doors.

There are no class restrictions on wearing a helm, so even the magic-user has one, which I think is very cool.

: )

Campaign Ideas

Tuesdays and Wednesdays have turned into some of my loooongest “work days” for a variety of reasons…mainly that there are other commitments that I have AFTER work that keeps me busy all the way up till bedtime.

I say this simply to preface the following: I’m a bit un-prepared for tonight.

Tonight my Baranof group will be meeting for the first time since completing White Plume Mountain, and I know folks are going to be looking forward to starting SOMEthing. The idea is a decent campaign (or rather, “creating characters with the possibility of some long term serial play”). But I’ve got no idea what kind of campaign I want to run.

Fortunately, there was an “all staff” meeting for two hours at the office to discuss “combating stress” in the workplace. Since I’m a pretty stress-free guy, I was able to do a little notebook brainstorming for some possible campaign options. The only reason I’m posting ‘em now is to give my players (probably reading the blog) something to think about before we meet this evening.

None of this is set in stone. These are not listed in any particular order of preference.

Option #1: After the Goblin Wars. Already discussed in recent posts.


Option #2: Adventuring in the world of Krull. See the much earlier posts.


Option #3: Mythic Norse adventures. Harkening back to VERY early posts inspired by Elizabeth Boyer and Viking lore. Classes available to PCs include:

Fighter, Magic-User, Thief – as per B/X
Dwarves – as per B/X but able to craft magic items as a magic-user
Fighting Wizards – as per B/X elf class, withOUT the infravision/languages
No Clerics or Halflings
Skalds – as per the B/X Companion “Bard” optional class

Special Rules
“Binding Wounds:” characters can bandage themselves, healing D6 hit points, once per day. This can only be used immediately following a fight during a restful period of at least one turn.
“Broken blades:” non-magic weapons break on a roll of a “1.” Better carry a back-up axe!
“No plate mail:” sorry.

"Human or Elf:" aka "Scipling or Alfar;" they're the same thing.


Option #4: Bronze Age Heroes. Again, going back to my earlier musings on the “Bronze Age” nature of the D&D universe (monsters of ancient Greek and Roman myth, etc.). Characters will be the equivalent of a small party of Roman Legionnaire adventurers, exploring the ancient kingdoms of North Africa…desert, jungle, mountains, and pyramids. Classes available to PC include:

Cleric, Fighter, Magic-User, Thief – as per B/X
Dwarf – “throwback man” (Neanderthal-like, no weapon restrictions, but no infravision…a member of a northern culture enslaved by these mythic Romans and adopted into the army).
Halfling – “miniature savage” (like a mythic pygmy or Pictish warrior; same story as the “neanderthal” but class is EXACTLY the same as Halfling).

Special Rules
“Roman deities:” clerics worship the ancient Roman pantheon (pre-Christ) and may need to make occasional sacrifice. Mithras is a good sponsor for the excursion.
“Lorica Segmentata:” there IS plate mail. However, the slave classes (“Dwarf” and “Halfling”) are not allowed to wear it; only human fighters and clerics.
“Far from Rome:” most plunder found will be sent back to the Empire (via ox cart or whatnot) rather than hauled around; XP is gained for all treasure found, despite these donations of tribute.


Option #5: Warhammer Europe. As per WHFRP using the B/X rules. Chaos is encroaching from the north. The orks take the place of the Huns. Much of the continent has been developed by kingdoms that war with each other. Skaven lurk in the sewers. The usual…plus black powder weapons. Classes available to PCs include:

All standard B/X classes. Might modify them somewhat using my random B/X class mods.

Special Rules
“15TH Century Technology:” All gunpowder rules apply.
“Mordheim as a Mega-Dungeon:” You better believe it.
“WHFRP Critical Hits?:” Might be added to my own Random Death table.


Option #6: Run something other than B/X.

Here are some other games I’d be interested in running that I think would work with this particular group. In no particular order:

- Trail of Cthulhu: GUMSHOE is sooo much cooler than Chaosium for this kind of thing

- Boot Hill: because Boot Hill is the BEST; might also be interested in running my steampunk version, Clockwork (still un-published…could sure use some play-testing!

- Hollow Earth Expedition: I might need to modify the system A LOT, or at least boost starting characters somewhat, but hunting dinosaur with an elephant gun in the lost ruins of Atlantis is just so damn awesome…ugh, chalk up another much needed B/X adaptation to the growing list!

- Pendragon: A Chaosium game where I don’t mind the system (for whatever reason). I only own the 3rd edition, but I’d love to play this game with a group of 6-8 and see how their different characters develop over time.

The following games I would be interested in running “someday” in the far, faaaar future…though my players MIGHT be able to talk me into it now:

- Some Supers game (Superworld, Heroes Unlimited, TSR’s Marvel, or Godlike/Wild Talents). MAYBE…but only just maybe (I don’t feel like making a comic book campaign world that has any semblance of “sense” right now).

- Some Rifts-based game (specific interests: Mexico, Atlantis, Russia, or Wormwood…MAYBE, maybe Pac NW or Canada; everything else, setting-wise tends to be a lot of dog-shit). I would be more likely to adapt a Rifts setting (if the players were interested) to a B/X-based campaign. Yeah, it’s not as hard as it sounds (Palladium already heavily rips off Gygax and Arneson). Of course, anything I did in THAT arena would go un-posted on the blog…can’t have Siembieda suing me,right?

- Star Wars/Space Opera: Still working on my own game (that’s what I’ve been doing with my free time this week!) and it’s not ready to play. But I MIGHT be tempted to playtest it. MAYBE.

All right…that should give everyone plenty to think about. We’ll see what they want to get up to tonight (see y’all at 8pm!).

; )

Bastion, Outpost of Law

[just in case anyone’s curious, this whole Goblin thing is a total mish-mash of influences, including Marion Zimmer Bradley’s Darkover novels (specifically the Terra-Darkovan culture conflict), my recent trip to Spain (and the Moorish conquest and subsequent reconquista), as well as the Hobgoblin beer and Yule Time folklore…however, I kind of want to add polar bears to the mix, a la The Golden Compass, because…well, because I love polar bears, dammit! And bears seem to be a recurrent theme in my B/X games for some reason]


Griffon Crag Keep looks down from its rocky perch on the walled town of Bastion, northernmost stronghold of Law in the Barony of Fauntleroy. In better times, Fauntleroy himself was known to summer at Griffon Crag, but the lord is now advanced in years, and has been seen only once or twice in Bastion since war’s end. The baron’s immediate family has not been seen since before that, though it is rumored that his son Geoffrey may be given over to the Keep and Town as seneschal before too long.

It has been long since those “better times” were known in Bastion. The town has recovered somewhat since the Goblin War ended and the Winter Truce signed. But six years without open war seems little like “peace” when the goblins still raid outlying farms and when every young man and woman of good character and sound body is raised and trained in the martial arts.

The Church is the center of this training, at least until a youth is old enough to choose the career that best fits his or her temperament. The Hanged God Our Savior may have died nine centuries ago, but His strength in the face of adversity has shaped the will for the generations that followed, giving them an obstinate countenance that has served them well in times of hardship…even if it sometimes fails to endear them to those less devout.

The priests of the Church are tasked with making every youth with promise a shield of defense and an instrument of retribution, and between the ages of 12 and 17 they are trained in the use of arms and armor, riding and discipline. That they learn the doctrine and dogma of the Church goes without saying, but most have been exposed to the teachings of the Hanged God long before they are old enough to wield an axe or tilt with lance and shield.

True, some youth are deemed unfit for training as God’s soldiers, either through a trick of Fate or as a product of poor upbringing. These youth are released from their service and encouraged to do what they can in honor of the Hanged God. Others…especially those from the poorest of homesteads and the farthest of outlying farms…never bother to petition for service when they reach the proper age. These wretched creatures are still deemed to be members of the flock and worthy of Church protection, though they may lack somewhat in the standing of the community.

Unmarried youth without responsibilities (i.e. those required to take up their parents’ trade) are given a choice after four years of training: they may seek a tradecraft, they may take service with the Lord, or they may pledge themselves to the Church. Those that seek a trade are welcome to do so, and generally become upstanding members of the community (though these will seldom become adventurers in later life). Those who choose to become career soldiers will move to the Griffon Crag Keep where they will be drilled in the discipline of the fighting man (or woman) until released from service by their lord.

Those who pledge themselves to the Church become members of The Faithful; the Brotherhood (and Sisterhood) devoted to the active defense and promotion of the Church, and the ministration of the community. These clerics (commonly called “Brother” or “Sister” until achieving the rank of Patriarch/Matriarch after which time they receive the honorific “Father” or “Mother”) are strictly bound by the tenets of the Church, and express their commitment by taking a lifelong vow of Chastity, being effectively “married to the Church.” Service to the Church is unto death…very few clerics will leave the ranks of the Faithful once they take service, and those few that do can seldom find a way to reintegrate themselves into regular society, instead choosing to live outside of civilization as hermits or ascetics.

Some, of course, choose to leave Church service for love, breaking their vows and marrying; however, these individuals are considered apostate by many members of the clergy (and some among the laity) and often derided or snubbed for their choice…although their children are generally held blameless and may even become clerics themselves when grown!

In addition to these standard defenders – the soldiers and the Faithful – the town of Bastion is fortified by the good faeries that allied themselves with Fauntleroy in the last years of the Goblin War. This contingent is led by Bleys Auberon, elf prince in exile. Prince Bleys is tall and handsome, his hair and beard red-blonde, and his silver-traced sword is of the finest faerie craftsmanship. His followers are few…no more than a hundred stalwart elves, dwarves, and brownies…but all are valuable fighters, and have been exemplary members of the community, despite some antipathy with the Church (the faeries do not pay homage to the Hanged Savior, though they do not disparage the humans’ worship).

Even before the war, the occasional human sought out the faeries for training in the magical arts, and Bleys has allowed this practice to continue. In fact, with the faeries in such close proximity (residing in Bastion!) the access to such training is more readily available than it was before the war. However, the Church frowns on the use of faerie magic, considering its use unnatural in humankind, and the practice of magic use is grounds for expulsion from the martial training program…something which has led to heated disputes between Church officials and the barony (the latter of whom sees magic-use as a potent weapon for the arsenal, like the faeries themselves).

The elves are actually somewhat surprised by the humans mastery of magic forces; apparently, being ostracized by their own kind and being kept out of the Church causes human magic-users to focus all their energy and ambition on the magical practice. Prince Bleys can even see a time in the not-too-distant future when humans themselves have the capacity to train their own kind….

Outside the walls of Bastion are many farms and homesteads, most of which depend on the soldiery of Griffon Crag for defense. Some large tracts are held by minor nobles who have their own knights and men-at-arms for defense…but no small landholder can hope to stand against the full array of goblin forces. In addition to goblin forces, the woods and hills surrounding Bastion are not nearly as tamed as they were before the war, and fell creatures prowl the land, snatching livestock and the occasional homesteader caught out-and-about after sundown.

Not that there is much reason to wander: north of Bastion is all goblin infested wilderness to the icy coast of the North Sea, and the Bear Folk are just as dangerous (if not outright hostile) as the dark faeries. To the east are nigh impenetrable mountains; once the site of several dwarf holds, now over-run with goblins and the occasional fire drake. The west is as forested as the north, and largely unknown; legend says that there are ancient ruins of a long lost civilization, the forerunners of the first humans to settle the land, struck down in their pride and power. Only to the south will one find more civilization, not less, including Tours, ancestral seat of the barony and site of Castle Fauntleroy itself. The forces of Baron Fauntleroy are strong, but the baron relies on his outlying outposts to care for their own defense. Were the goblins forces to launch a new war against Bastion, it is doubtful that any help would arrive before the fall of the city.


[how’s that for a campaign setting? Just needs a few random tables for campaign-specific character creation, right?]

Welcome to Goblin Town!

As I was writing earlier, I dig on the goblins of folklore; i.e. the dark faeries of the Unseelie court.

At least, that’s MY take on goblins: evil faeries. Nothing says faeries all have to be miniature “hot mamas” and no one says goblins have to be ugly…at least not on the outside.

Which is, of course, why I included certain monsters of a goblin nature in my B/X Companion. I’m still working on my introductory Companion adventure module, in which goblins feature prominently. Still working but O So Slooooowly. Hopefully, this whole goblin kick I’m on will help inspire me to get done before Christmas.

[actually, it looks like I’m going to be getting some extended “time off” in the near future due to state budget cuts. Guess I’ll be writing next week!]

Meantime, I’ve still got B/X gaming to do, and a goblin-themed campaign setting ain’t the worst idea I’ve had (to give you an example of “worse,” I have been thumbing through Rifts: Warlords of Russia the last few days…). Is “going goblin” a better setting idea than Dark Sun? Um, well…at least it has better justification for the inclusion of elves and dwarves. Here’s the basic gist:

The Goblin Wars have ended.

In the end, the only thing that turned the tide was the joining of human-kind with the good faeries with whom they struggled. Not that the humans had much choice: the goblin hordes were as likely to burn and raid the humans’ farms and storehouses as those faeries that opposed their excesses.

Now the tide of Chaos has withdrawn to secure its holdings. Sylvan forests once filled with light and laughter loom dark and foreboding on the edge of villages. Dwarven strongholds have been ransacked, and are used to launch attacks against the mountain passes they previously guarded. The few human kingdoms that stand are armed bastions, islands of civilization and order separated by dangerous roads. And even within these sanctuaries there is strife, for the humans who have lost so much are quick to vent their frustration on the refugee faerie-folk now living within their walls.

Player Characters have the following choice of character class:

Fighter: A human fighting man or woman.
- No changes from standard B/X/C rules.

Cleric: A Christian holy man and servant of Our Savior Lord Jesus Christ.
- All experience costs to advance are doubled (3000xp for level 2, 6000xp for level 3, etc.).
- No restrictions on useable weapons.
- Clerics speak High Gothic (similar to Latin), in addition to Common (human).
- Inspire awe/reverence in other humans (+1 Reaction bonus)
- Alignment must be Lawful or Neutral; reverse spells are NEVER standard.

Magic-User: A human who has been taught magic by the faeries.
- Magic-users must learn new spells from Elves unless they wish to pursue spell research.
- No restriction on useable weapons.
- May face prejudice/awe from other humans (-1 Reaction penalty).

Thief: A human miscreant of ill repute.
- No thief “guilds,” though a master thief that builds a hideout still attracts apprentices.
- Can use Hear Noise skill to fight in darkness or against invisible creatures.

Elves: Good faeries of the forest.
- No “infravision,” faeries can see in the dark as in sunlight.
- Receive a +2 saving throw bonus versus charms and glamour.
- Receive an automatic save versus illusions like phantasmal force.
- Speak Common (human), High Faerie, Low Faerie, and Dark Faerie languages.
- May face fear/prejudice/awe from humans (-1 Reaction penalty).

Dwarves: Good faeries of the mountains.
- No “infravision,” faeries can see in the dark as in sunlight.
- Can craft magic items at 9th level as an elf or magic-user.
- Speak Common (human), Low Faerie, and Dark Faerie languages.
- May face fear/prejudice/awe from humans (-2 reaction penalty).

Brownies: Small, friendly faeries used to living near humans.
- Uses the same tables/abilities as Halfling.
- Faeries can see in the dark as in sunlight.
- Speak Common (human) and Low Faerie.
- May face fear/prejudice from clerics ONLY (-1 reaction penalty).


The following Character Creation notes apply:

- Characters are created using standard B/X/C rules.
- Languages other than Common (human) include High Gothic, the three Faerie languages, Draconic (dragon). Monsters and animals do not generally have languages that can be learned by Player Characters, though intelligent creatures may speak one of the languages available to PCs. All goblin-types speak Dark Faerie. There is no “alignment language.”
- The following equipment is restricted:

• Plate Mail is NOT available.
• Only Elves may craft/purchase Long Bows.
• No one uses “slings.”

- Non-human player characters are encouraged to be of Lawful or Neutral alignment. Humans may be aligned with any side.


The following Monster notes apply:

- Undead are MUCH less common in the campaign setting (no “dark clerics”); many are only created as the result of a curse. Faerie (PC or goblin) may NEVER become undead.
- Sentient humanoid monsters are generally Dark Faerie, or “goblins.” The following are typical types:

• Hobgoblins: the smallest goblins. Stat-wise, they are treated as kobolds in all respects.
• Goblins: standard goblins.
• Trolls: larger, sneakier goblins. Stat-wise, they are treated as bugbears. Turn to stone in direct sunlight (saving throw applies every round) and tend to hide under bridges and in caves except at night.
• Giants: rare, humongous faerie. Stats depend on size, but are generally able to regenerate any injury and often have magical powers.
• Goblin Lords: as written up in B/X Companion, though more common.

- All goblin-folk speak Dark Faerie and can see as easily in darkness as a human does in full sunlight. They cannot be transformed into undead, and are immune to lycanthropy.
- No faerie (Dark or otherwise) may trespass on sanctified (Holy) ground…like a church or Christian burial ground.
- Other mythical creatures and natural animals found in the B/X/C books are represented with standard regularity. Oozes, slimes, and “space critters” (like displacer beasts) are extremely rare if present at all.
- All monsters award twice their usual XP value if defeated.


The following Treasure notes apply:

- Coins weigh half of what they weigh in B/X (20 coins = 1 pound). When measuring encumbrance for other equipment, 1cn should continue to be read as “one-tenth of a pound.”
- Treasure found provides its actual GP value in XP, not its sale value (which may be more or less).
- Magic items found never provide XP, even if sold.
- Only “faerie armor” (magical armor crafted by faeries) has less encumbrance than standard armor.
- Only “faerie weapons” have intelligence (and few of them).
- Only a dwarf may craft weapons or armor of greater than +3 enchantment.
- Clerics may not manufacture potions or scrolls (there are no “clerical spell scrolls”).


All right, folks…what do you think? Is it “fantasy” enough for ya’?

; )

Inspired by Beer

Having finished with Halloween we now move (more or less officially) into the “holiday season,” my favorite time of year in Seattle. Despite the rain (and flooding), the rotting leaves in the streets, and the gray-gray sky, November weather always puts a spring in my step…crisp air, a brisk wind, and the end of Goddamn Daylight Savings Time (which I hate with a passion usually only reserved for Republicans and the Pittsburgh Steelers)…all of these things combine with the general holiday cheer to make for a delightful season.

This year, my thoughts turn to goblins.

I admit it…I have a “thing” for goblins. No, not the typical D&D goblins you find lurking in caves with spears covered in their own filth…Jesus, if I had a Top Ten list of things that really bug me with Gygax’s take on fantasy, it’s goblins as “cannibalistic savage.” Gross.

Not that you find much better in other fantasy RPGs…Warhammer’s “greenskin” race has a little consistency, at least (little goblins, big orks, biggest trolls, and littlest snotlings). But are green-skinned, toad-like “goblinoids” much better than the pig-faced orcs of AD&D? Or even the hairy brutes of D20? No, not really.

When I say I dig on goblins, I’m talking about the goblins of traditional myth and folklore…you know, the “dark faerie” type. Or maybe you don’t know. D&D has been around for so long, and has colored so much of the “fantasy” genre, that many young people wouldn’t recognize a goblin if it bit ‘em on the ass.

Maybe we should talk a bit about goblins before I launch into a series of goblin-inspired posts.

Dungeons & Dragons is a hodge-podge of stuff…traditional myth and folklore, literature, sci-fi and horror films, Christian mythos, etc. Much of it is inspired by the pseudo-mythic works of Tolkien…The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, etc. Tolkien himself was inspired by a combination of traditional English and Germanic (Nordic) folklore with his own spin/history woven into the mix.

Gygax and Arneson seem to have taken a schizophrenic approach to the material, drawing on both Tolkien’s (bastardized) work AND their own American (bastardized) understanding of traditional folklore, in order to create something completely new and unique (if ridiculous in many ways).

Ugh.

Look at orcs. What the hell is an orc really? Well, it’s a knock-off of a Tolkien orc, of course…and like the orcs in Tolkien, they are mean and brutish, but also stupid and played for comic relief except when exercising that dangerous “low cunning” so many of them have.

Now what’s a goblin? A small humanoid monster, completely different and separate from orcs, that nevertheless has much of the same temperament.

Okay, so…in Tolkien, Goblins and Orcs are the EXACT SAME THING. “Orc” is simply the term for “goblin” in the elvish language.

And what exactly is a goblin in “Tolkien folklore?” I’ll tell you one thing: they are NOT the little mischievous faerie-folk of English folklore. The ones that are akin to elves and leprechauns and such.

Except that they ARE akin to elves…in Tolkien’s universe, goblins are simply elves that have been twisted and ruined….broken by the dark power of the Big Bad Guys.

But elves in Tolkien are not the little pixies and sprites and faeries of the English countryside. Tolkien’s elves are the Norse alfar, beings that were more-or-less human, if somewhat angelic and possessing a greater degree of perfection than us ordinary folk.

See how that works?

Norse Alfar = Tolkien Elves
English Goblins = “Dark” (Twisted) Faeries
Tolkien Goblins = “Dark” (Twisted) Norse Alfar

Tolkien is fairly fast and loose with his descriptions of goblins, but we can gather they are around the same height as men and elves (or would be if they weren’t stooped from poor posture) and wield weapons of a similar size. Certainly, these are not knee-high faerie folk. In D&D terms, these critters are ORCS.

[and if the early artists of TSR chose to add pig features to an orc…well who can blame them? "Orc" DOES rhyme with "pork," after all]

So then, what’s a D&D goblin? Because we can see they have a different language, different features, are terribly small compared to orcs (half the size!) and are of a goblin species, not an orcish one.

These are still Tolkien in derivation. However, they are derived from the Hobbit and an improper understanding of Tolkien folklore.

In The Lord of the Rings, goblins are nearly always described by their elvish term “orc.” In The Hobbit, they are described solely as “goblins,” with the only mention of the term orc being Thorin’s sword, Orcrist. "Orcrist," Elrond tells us, can be translated as “Goblin Cleaver” (so Orc = Goblin and Rist = Cleaver, right?).

The goblins of The Hobbit seem smaller than a normal human…after all they appear to be on par with dwarves (who are, after all, DWARVES). Furthermore, they ride on wolves…though the “wargs” on which they ride appear to be (on closer reading) a larger and more primitive species of animal…these are closer to the prehistoric “dire wolf” that was about three times the size of a standard gray wolf. Still not horse-size…but we are talking “rotten elves,” not ogres, riding these things.

Tolkien also mention how goblins dig on their infernal machines that make smoke and noise and noxious smells…and this gets filtered and filtered until we have this idea that goblins are mechanically inclined and orcs are just dumb brutes. Again, see Warhammer (or World of Warcraft).

Ugh! Again you have to keep in mind that Tolkien’s goblins and orcs are the same exact thing, NOT two separate species of creature. The Uruk-hai of Tolkien may be bigger and stronger orcs, but they are still just orcs. And orcs are goblins.

So when I say I have goblins on the mind, I’m not talking about Tolkien goblin/orcs or even D&D goblins…which as I mention, I have almost zero interest in (except as to “how can I get these guys back to the goblins of folklore?”). Nope, I’m talking about the Halloween goblins…the goblins of folklore (the same folklore where elves look more like the Keebler variety and less like Legolas). Though it wasn’t Halloween that turned me on to the subject matter…it was a beer:

Hobgoblin ale. Good, tasty stuff (and on sale at my local market…one thing about the Baranof I DON’T like is the crappy selection of beers on tap). See that hobgoblin? Positively inspiring artwork.

Oh and by the way: a HOBGOBLIN (in folklore) is a SMALLER, WEAKER goblin, not a stronger more martial one. The discrepancy between real world folklore and the D&D monster can also be attributed to Tolkien, who (in The Hobbit) refers to hobgoblins as a larger, more menacing form of goblin. Dammit, Tolkien!

Anyhoo, D&D is what it is and I’m not about to retro-clone it myself just to fix a few folklore discrepancies. However, I’ve got a lot more to say on the subject of goblins (quite a few ideas kicking around my head) and you can expect that to be theme for this week’s series of posts.
; )