So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

COO BUT WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT THE DECISION IN THE HEADLIN THAT'S CALLED BURYING THE LED FINALLY YOU CAN FIND ME AT THE PIE SHOP EATIN' MAD PIES SON WHATCHU THINK THIS IS IHOP NAH FAM, LET'S GET OUR PIE ON FROM THE TRACK "YOU CAN FIND ME AT THE PIE SHOP" A PIE SHOP IS A THING PFFT IT'S SO EASY TO BAFFLE CHIROPRACTORS IN THEIR DEFENSE HOWEVER I AM *ALSO* BAFFLED AS TO WHY THEY GAVE STRETCHING LADY THOSE STRETCH ARMSTRONG-ASS ARMS WHATEVER, I SUPPOSE THE POINT IS THAT SHE FINALLY FOUND THE SIMPLE STRETCH TO SOLVE ALL THE BACK PAIN SO THAT'S OVER SUCKS FOR CHIROPRACTORS BUT HEY AT LEAST THEY STILL HAVE NECKS I MEAN C'MON CHIROPRACTORS : [ STUNNED ] FOILED BY NECKRELAX.COM AGAIN, OUR CAREERS ARE WORTHLESS THAT DEVICE LOOKS GOOD AND SAFE AND EASY TO USE AND LIKE IT DOESN'T HURT AT ALL AND I'M 90 PERCENT SURE THAT WOMAN IS ALIVE IMAGINE A CHIROPRACTOR WAS IN THE AUDIENCE TALK ABOUT A BAD ...

Dick Schofield, 1991 Score As a retroactive and thus pointless rule of thumb: if a player is named “Dick,” ‘tis better to speak of that player by last name—pretty much a rule of thumb regardless of first name re: journalism—than risk phallic-based innuendos. Or, better yet: don’t nickname a person “Dick.” Listen. I am 34-years old. I have a wife, a daughter, a job. I write for a respected community-based newspaper. I am a moderately responsible adult. But I will not apologize for finding the name Dick to be hilariously silly when used out of context. I do not know how it came about that people decided it would be a good idea to develop the nickname “Dick” for Richard—it’s not even close; why not call people named Larry “Butt?”—but I am happy to reap the benefits in this generation. You can call it immature or what have you, but there are three things that will always remain hilarious to me due to my innate human nature: 1) farts, 2) people falling down, and 3) the name Dick...