So, Do You Like ... Stuff?

Subject: Contact person:Mr.John Martins Been waiting for my contact person for a hot minute. This seems legit. Your total fund of $1,500,000.00 has been released and registered to deliver. I hope there is someone at a money factory somewhere who saw my tightly packed bundle of $1.5 mil roll down the assembly line and stamped it in red: REGISTERED: MIKE KENNY, U.S. That is how money works, right? And then it's just delivered? Like on a truck? It will be sent through dhl delivery company. DHL delivery person : ( rings doorbell ) Me : ( answers door wearing overalls, no shirt ) 'Sup. DHL delivery person : Yeah, hey ... got a delivery for you here of a ... ( checks clipboard ) ... Hello Kitty sing-it-yourself microphone set? Me : Nope. DHL delivery person : ( checks clipboard again ) ... a ... wine refrigerator? Me : Got one . ( lifts up half empty bottle of Charles Shaw red for proof, takes swig ) DHL delivery person : ( furiously flipping through pages of pa...

Of pure coincidence as it relates to the recent trifecta of columns regarding our daughter’s struggles, I have been drinking wine lately. Now, I am a beer drinker first and foremost. I want to make that abundantly beer, I mean clear. But also beer—I would like to make an abundant beer, actually. So yes, beer is great and I love it and it is my favorite. That said, I have been getting into wine lately. Now, by “getting into” I mean that I enjoy drinking it, especially with dinner, not that I am developing any sort of pretentious wine palate or saying ridiculous things like, “I prefer a French merlot to a California cabernet.” Just writing that sentence gave me the chills. Although it should be mentioned that the levels of disdain and respect I have for self-proclaimed wine connoisseurs is strangely equal. So no, I am not a wine snob. In fact, a major reason behind my dalliance into vino was my introduction to Trader Joe’s famed “three-buck Chuck.” (Which used to be two-buck Chuck...