Chris Christie: More Political Pornhub for Elite Pundits

 At the risk of being hauled up in front of a Blogger ethics panel on charges of pedantry, I will now repeat a snip of something I wrote back on November 4, 2020:

...outside of the tiny circle of Never Trump Republicans who seem to exist almost entirely on teevee and Twitter -- surprise! -- neither the tens of millions of dollars that credulous Liberals poured into the Lincoln Project nor the Liberal Political PornHub videos they cranked out budged even a fraction of the Republican base one inch. 

In fact, after four years of mayhem and madness, Republican support for Trump actually deepened, widened and hardened this time around.  From Brother Charlie Pierce:

He Got More Votes Than Last Time

Almost half of the country looked at the way Donald Trump has functioned as president since 2017 and said, definitively, that they wanted four more years of it. We are who he thinks we are—a huge proportion of us, anyway.

So how the hell did that happen?

Well, I'll tell you, but first allow me just a moment to bathe in the dark hilarity of me --  a dirty, disreputable Libtard blogger nobody -- having to once again explain to Republican political professionals how their fucking party actually works.   A party which they made their first fortunes building, and are making their second fortunes bitching about.    

So let's start with a term I coined and have been using for long time now to describe the Republican base.  "Reprogrammable meatbags" -- A term which which I have been told many times sounds too harsh, but is simply the literal truth.  After all, we are all bags of meat.  And as to the other thing, indulge me a quick story which I've told once or twice on The Professional Left podcast.

And then I told the story,  but that's not why I'm reposting this today.

I'm reposting this to go on the record for the 5th or 6th time this year about one of Trump's earliest and most reliable load-bearing stooges, Chris Christie, who Very Many Liberals and Never Trumpers are now falling all over themselves to applaud for "taking on Trump" in ways that no one else is doing.

And it's true that he's making a big splash all over the various media outlets which [checks notes] Republican voters never watch, never read and are pretty sure are run by commie pedophiles. 

Cooool.     

Nonetheless, all the Very Serious People got very excited by all of this, and are presumably holding themselves is a state of tantric pundit ecstasy by very carefully ignoring the one very inconvenient fact about Christie's campaign that I may be literally the only person out there talking about.  That for every right-handed haymaker Christie throws at Trump, there is also a left hook aimed at Biden, for whom Christie has repeatedly said he would never vote because Biden is apparently a doddering commie under the sway of the "extreme left".

But it doesn't matter if he's shitting down our Liberal necks while he pisses on Trump because -- wheee! -- at least he's pissing on Trump.

For fuck's sake people, have a little pride.  And quit mistaking political PornHub featurettes created to make Liberal ganglia twitch and Liberal wallets open for an actual strategy that doesn't involve a gratuitous teardown of Joe Biden -- only candidate who, in the end, has any chance of keeping Donald Trump the hell out of the White House. 

[Note: All the usual caveats about Trump dropping dead, fleeing the country or landing in prison apply.]

I Am The Liberal Media

Chris Christie is Winning The Bulwark Primary

In case you missed it, on June 7, 2023, former New Jersey governor and failed 2016 presidential aspirant Chris Christie announced he was running for president.

Again.  

Because you're all so very smart, I'm sure all of you remember that Christie was Trump's first serious endorser in 2016, and was the political IED who cleared Marco Rubio out of the way in 2016 making Trump's nomination all but inevitable.  

And that is all Christie wants Republican voters to remember: that he was a big Trump guy in 2016, but that once he got a good look at him he realized how dangerous he was, and learned his lesson.

Except, of course, that's a lie.  Which is not surprising because Christie is a congenital Republican liar. 

The reason Christie caught COVID in 2020 and almost died was because Donald Trump lied about having COVID and gave it to Christie.  And the reason Christie was in such close proximity to Trump in 2020 was that Christie was Trump's 2020 debate coach.  

And did Christie vote for Trump in 2020?  

You're damn right he did.  From The Hill, October 20, 2020:  

Former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R) confirmed Thursday that he voted for President Trump.  

Also this from Newsweek, November 23, 2021:  

Chris Christie Says He Will be First in Line to Support Donald Trump in 2024.  

Speaking about a previous interview on the topic, he said: "They asked me directly could I vote for Joe Biden and I said absolutely not.  I didn't vote for him in 2020 and I certainly couldn't vote for him in 2024."

But that's not what I wanted to talk about.  

I wanted to talk about how Chris Christie is running for president.  What sort of magic is he trying to weave that he hopes will be enough to snag him both enough friendly media to fuel his campaign, and enough Republican primary voters to clear the field of the rest of the pikers and pull him within killing distance of Donald Trump?

It's a campaign designed to appeal to the mainstream media and all the Never Trumpers who have colonized the media because it is rooted directly in their holiest of holy texts.

Can you guess what that it?

Here's a hint.  

When CBS's rapidly-aging-Sears-Boy's-Department-mannequin, John Dickerson,   covered Christie's announcement that he was running for president, this is what he said:

"Another candidate has launched his presidential campaign.  Former New Jersey governor and 2016 presidential hopeful Chris Christie started his campaign with a dig against the front-runner."

Then Dickerson ran a video that was very carefully cropped at this point.

Ooooh!  Christie came right off the blocks attacking Trump!  Cool! Fight! Fight! Fight!     

Except that is not where Christie started at all.

Instead he started here.  With (sing it with me now) Both Sides Do It:

Because for the squealing, wretched, pinhead puppets of Gotham! reprogrammable meatbags of the Republican base, simply going after Donald Trump as the corrupt, lying, racist, scumbag, fascist loser that he so manifestly is never gonna fly.  After all, everyone in that audience, including Christie, voted for that corrupt, lying, racist, scumbag, fascist loser.  Twice.

No, the reprogrammable meatbags of the Republican base need a reason why voting for that corrupt, lying, racist, scumbag, fascist loser wasn't their fault.  Why they really had no choice, because the Kenyan Usurper and the dirty commie Liberals were the OG Destroyers of Worlds ... and Killery Clinton was so much worse than Trump ... and Joe "The doddering Marxist puppet of AOC" Biden was so much worse than Trump ... that both Chris Christie and the reprogrammable meatbags of the Republican base had no choice but to vote for Trump, flaws and all.

Twice.

But now those reprogrammable meatbags have a choice!

Yay!

 A choice who will unite the nation... even though they're positive that every Democrat is secretly a dirty commie Marxist who wants to destroy Murrica.

This guy!

This corrupt slab of New Jersey political flotsam, who has a "Both Sides Do It" answer in his back pocket for every occasion.  Like, f'instance, mass shootings.

You might remember that almost exactly a year ago, Christie was on "This Week with George Stephanopoulos" where, after Christie bragging about New Jersey laws already being tough enough on guns, Stephanopoulos by very gingerly touched on the current state of Christie's Republican party:

Stephanopoulos:  It does appear that there's been a hardening in the Republican Party around this issue. 

Then, out of Christie's Lie Hole came the voice of two decades of David Fucking Brooks.  The inevitable all-occassion, Beltway-media-authorized get-out-of-accountability-free excuse for every Republican atrocity:

Christie:  Well, I think there's been a hardening on both sides. I think it's just a constant symptom of where we are in the country right now. This is one issue that that's an example of but there are many others where people in each party have decided that there's no compromise here because there's no one on the other side willing to compromise and they say that about each other and point fingers both ways.

And this is sum total of all the courage that Stephanopoulos could muster.

Stephanopoulos:  Is this really a 'both sides' issue though? 

Then Christie filibustered for what seemed like hour, tossing out every turd in the Both Siderist Turd Bag.

Because Christie knows the Magic Conjure Words that bring all the pundits to the yard.

Which brings us to The Bulwark, and the full-body massage Christie just recieved from Charlie "I'll Never Forgive Chris Christie" Sykes, who took time away from his busy schedule of appearing on MSNBC every five minutes --

-- to make sure everyone knew that he had definitely forgiven Christie.

Which, of course, we all must now do, because somehow the enemy of my enemy is now my supervisor.

Won't bore you with the whole thing.  Instead we'll go straight to the inevitable razors in the apple that you had to know was there even before you hit "play".

Christie:  I think quite frankly the criticism of the justice department under Barack Obama and Eric Holder is apt.  I think they used it to go after their enemies and I think they used it to look the other way with their friends most particularly in the Hillary Clinton situation. 

Zero push back from Sykes because why would there be.  After all, this is the same trash Sykes used to traffick in back when he was the Rush Limbaugh of Wisconsin.

Christie: I think the idea of of saying that, y'know, Trump should have been given a pass on these obstruction charges and the document charges because Hillary wasn't prosecuted that does nothing to restore the rule of law. Because Eric Holder and Loretta Lynch and Jim Comey decided to abandon the rule of law doesn't mean that you're justified in abandoning it yourself.

Zero push back from Sykes.

Sykes then ask why the Republican party cannot quit Trump.

Christie: I think part of it is that there's been a divisiveness that's been  created in this country where people feel they have to wear their uniform 24 hours a day seven days a week and that

there can't be any objective evaluation of how people on our own team are doing or not doing.

Note the passive voice.  "Divisiveness" somehow come into being or its own accord.  Like El Nino or the next Transformers movie, "divisiveness" is a destructive forces of nature over which mere humans have no control.

And now, here it comes...  

Christie: And I think we see that in both parties quite frankly.  Because there really is no other explanation for the Democratic party being uniformly behind Joe Biden either. I mean every time you look at him you kinda know the guy's not up to the job but yet they stick with him.

Yeah.  That's the stuff.

Want more?  Well here you go.

Christie:  Because I think that the Republican base fears Joe Biden more than they are angry if Donald Trump were to lose the nomination.  I don't think there's any scenario under which this base, after how far Left Biden has gone in his tenure so far, would ever let him willingly become president.

Zero push back from Sykes.

Sykes: You've made it clear that you will not come around you will not support Donald Trump if he is the nominee.

Christie: That's correct

Sykes: Okay, so what will you do if he is the nominee?

Christie: Y'know, look, my guess is I probably wouldn't vote for president because I have to assume Biden's a nominee as well I couldn't vote for Joe Biden and so I probably would just skip that line on my, uh, on my ballot.

So, here we are.  And by the Iron Rule of Alliances that was drummed into my by all my Liberal betters, I now know that the enemy of my enemy is always my friend. under all circumstances, no matter how odious and out-for-my blood that "friend" clearly is.  And if I think otherwise, I'd best keep my fucking mouth shut because don't I realize that Our Democracy Is at Stake!!!

However, by the Commutative, Associative and Distributive laws of Alliances, to be a Good Liberal I'm pretty sure am now also required to sit down and shut up because somehow the second-cousin-(who-thinks-Joe-Biden-is-a-doddering-Marxist)-of-the-enemy of my enemy is now also my friend.

And if that is true, then I must also be required to remain seated and silent because somehow the-college-roommate-(who thinks Barack Obama was the real racist)-of-the-second-cousin-(who thinks Joe Biden is a doddering Marxist)-of-the-enemy of my enemy is now is now also my friend too.

And thus, as I warned long ago, if you give a Never Trumper an Ouchless Redemption Cookie even though they still hate you and everything you cherish...the next thing you know they'll have colonized the media.  

But don't worry your little Liberal head, because once they've colonized the media, you can trust that they'll never turn around and use those Ouchless Redemption Cookies -- which you gave them -- to try to absolve and rehabilitate a shitbag like Chris Christie.

Except sooner or later, of course they'll let Chris Christie waddle in.  Whereupon he will shit all over Barack Obama, call Joe Biden a senile Marxist and eat all the cookies.  

And fuck no, he won't vote for Biden if it's Biden versus Trump.  

And your job as an "ally" is to sit quietly and say nothing because, OMG, don't you realize that Our Democracy Is at Stake!!!

I Am The Liberal Media

Chris Christie Has Billionaire From New York He'd Like To Sell You

Also a bridge in New Jersey.

From the NYT:

Chris Christie Endorses Donald Trump

Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey endorsed Donald J. Trump on Friday, a major turn in a wild race and one that gives the New York businessman a major boost as he heads into the pivotal Super Tuesday contests.

Mr. Christie was a candidate himself until he came in sixth place in New Hampshire’s primary. Seeing his political career facing an abrupt conclusion at the end of a second term as governor following his faded presidential campaign, he was said to be is deeply angry with Senator Marco Rubio, according to three people with direct knowledge of his thinking. He blames Mr. Rubio’s “super PAC” for halting his momentum in New Hampshire in December with a string of slash-and-burn ads.

“He’s been my friend for many years, he’s been a spectacular governor,” said Mr. Trump, standing with Mr. Christie at a press conference in Fort Worth, Texas, for the announcement.

“I am proud to be here to endorse Donald Trump,” said Mr. Christie, noting they have been friends for a decade.
...

“I am proud to be here to endorse Donald Trump,” .... said President Trump's nominee for United States Attorney General.

And like *that*, any lingering bruises from last nights cage match become yesterday's news as Trump gives the ADHD media a newer, shinier and more quotable bauble to chase.

Fundraiser Day Four: With Chris Christie at the Mighty Frontiers of Arithmetic

From the 2015 Social Security Trustee's Report:

Social Security projected to hit insolvency by 2034

Social Security and Medicare are inching slowly toward insolvency, according to annual trustees reports on the entitlement programs released Wednesday.

Social Security’s retirement and disability trust funds, combined, are on track for insolvency in 2034 — one year later than the entitlement program’s trustees predicted one year ago.

Treasury Secretary Jack Lew told reporters at a briefing that the funds are “secure today and will remain secure in the years to come,” but warned that they are also “facing challenges that need to be addressed” by Congress.

...

From Chris Christie's jabbering shout-hole as he tries to scare the crap out of the elderly:

CHRISTIE: Well, I wish you would have asked that question years ago when they broke it. I mean, let me be honest with the people who are watching at home. The government has lied to you and they have stolen from you. They told you that your Social Security money is in a trust fund. All that's in that trust fund is a pile of IOUs for money they spent on something else a long time ago.

And they've stolen from you because now they know they cannot pay these benefits and Social Security is going to be insolvent in seven to eight years...

I know that with all the gazintas and take-aways, cipherin' can be really tricky, but no matter how hard I bang my head with a rock, or how loud I crack up Limbaugh ,I can't make 2015 + 7 come out to equal 2034. 

I suppose it's like the tides in that way.  Mysterious.  

Maths come in, maths go out. 

You can't explain that.

Click below to support my birthday fundraiser.

Today In "Both Sides Do It": Goggle-Eyed Wingnut House Pet Says What?

Whorehouse doormats go about their business with more dignity than Ron Christie.

Lichen shows more autonomy.

His loud, groveling heliotropic dependence on the largess of the Party of Bigots and Lunatics makes anyone with an ounce of self-respect cringe.

And yet there he is.  In print, nationwide.  On teevee.  On the "Both Sides Do It" channel.

So what does this petty fraction of a man have to say about the latest racist to be flushed out of hiding in his party and into the light?

What else?

Reverend Jeremiah Wright Was Worse Than Scalise

Thus once again performing the single function for which Ron Christie gets paid:  providing valuable cover-fire for the worst people in America.  From "NewsMax" (Motto: News for people who find 'World Net Daily' just a little too high-falutin'):

Ron Christie: Obama's Racist Pastor Far Worse Than Scalise's Error

Followed by +120 of exactly the kinds of comments you would imagine.

We Bilked This

Sadly, the hopes of all eleven Professional Beltway Reasonable Conservatives appear lie in ruins as their 2016 Dream Ticket of Capo Chris and The Mooch is stabbed repeatedly in the neck by all the Terrible Liberal Media Bias!

Obviously this is nothing but excellent news for John McCain.:

Is That a 40-Mile-Long, Vendetta-Driven Traffic Disaster In Your Pants

or are you just happy to see me?

Governor Chris Christie shown here on September 11, 2013 -- at the peak of the #bridgegate GWB Sabotage -- yucking it up with #bridgegate GWB Sabotage field marshal David Wildstein -- a guy with whom Christie swears "he had had no contact...in a long time, a long time, well before the election."

He Knows Nothing

He is also very sorry and deeply shocked to discover that his closest political confidantes and fixers are awful, vindictive assholes who made up a vast, elaborate and dangerous plot to fuck over the Mayor of Fort Lee for no reason whatsoever.

You have now watched the entire, two-hour, Christie presser.

If you need more words, this from Charlie Pierce:

...

The basic theme of the press conference was that Big Chicken was responsible for one thing and one thing only -- of trusting people who preyed on his well-known innocence and his extensively documented and deeply held faith in his fellow human beings. Hell, he didn't even know the mayor of Fort Lee's name! He searched his soul and that's what he came up with -- he, Chris Christie, was sold down the river and, because he, Chris Christie was sold down the river, the people of New Jersey, embodied by him, were also betrayed. He was humiliated. He was deceived. What a world it is when a man cannot trust the hacks whom he appoints to serve him. Jesus H. Christ in the HOV lane, Nixon threw Haldeman and Ehrlichman out the windows with more compassion and fellow feeling than Christie demonstrated yesterday.

He apologized to the people in Fort Lee for allowing this passel of Judases to do these terrible things to him. How, he asked, could they possibly look at him berate schoolteachers and reporters and act like a general jackass throughout his political career and think he possibly could sit still for such obvious thuggery? He was a maverick. He works with both sides. He took an oath. Why is he the only honest man in this whole mess? It's a heavy burden he carries, a lonely road he walks, but he will do it on behalf of the people of New Jersey for what he's done to them by allowing such terrible, awful, horrible things to be done to him. "This was the job I asked for, and I gotta do it!" What a man is this. Stay under the damn bus, Bridget.

...

Big Man

Somewhere...

...Federal prisoner number 40892-424 is laughing

Ultimately, (as one wag once noted)  Rod Blagojevich’s real-real crime was using his Outside Voice to talk bluntly and stupidly about things which every sentient mammal in Chicago knows you only talk about obliquely using your Inside Voice.

Blago and his crew broke the only hard and fast rule in politics -- "Don't Get Caught" -- and for that he will spend many years in the house of many doors.

Apparently, word of this fundamental rule of Big Time Politics never made it East of the Alleghenies.

From the L.A. Times:

Email scandal mars Christie's chances for presidency; governor apologizes

...
In an explosive story Wednesday, the Bergen Record revealed a cache of private emails that seemed to show Christie’s staff and appointees orchestrated the closure of lanes leading onto the George Washington Bridge to plague the small town of Fort Lee, whose Democratic mayor, Mark Sokolich, had failed to endorse Christie for reelection.

This is dirty politics at its worst. It's like chucking a brick through a window because a shopowner won’t pay you protection money. No one wants a potential president who acts like a mob boss.

The lane closures, starting on Sept. 9, resulted in four days of what the Record called “paralyzing gridlock” in Fort Lee, a small town of 35,000, as folks trying to get across the bridge into Manhattan were stuck in jams that lasted for hours. Here's the money quote in the emails, from the Record's story:

"Time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee," Bridget Anne Kelly, one of three deputies on Christie’s senior staff, wrote to David Wildstein, a top Christie executive at the Port Authority, on Aug. 13, about three weeks before the closures. Wildstein, the official who ordered the closures and who resigned last month amid the escalating scandal, wrote back: "Got it."

Kelly’s feckless email is bound to go down in history as one of the all-time great political blunders. It becomes the smoking gun that kills Christie’s national political aspirations. Whether he knew about the plan, Christie hired the people and created the atmosphere that allowed this sort of behavior to flourish.

Governor Christie is already deep into the inevitable next step in political fire-control -- the blaming of the underlings:

[Updated 2:16 p.m. PST Jan. 8: In a statement released late Tuesday afternoon on his official website, Christie responded to the scandal: "What I've seen today for the first time is unacceptable. I am outraged and deeply saddened to learn that not only was I misled by a member of my staff, but this completely inappropriate and unsanctioned conduct was made without my knowledge. One thing is clear: this type of behavior is unacceptable and I will not tolerate it because the people of New Jersey deserve better. This behavior is not representative of me or my Administration in any way, and people will be held responsible for their actions."

Those with a freakish memory for political scandal may remember way back in 2000 when then-Mare Daley made a similar attempt to quickly distance himself from the fucked-in-the-head snow removal plan of  his newly-appointed Streets and San Commissioner, Al Sanchez.  Aides reminded Hizzoner that seeing as how he's known Sanchez for years and had just appointed him with great fanfare...pretending that he'd never heard of the guy or that he was shocked that Sanchez was a goof probably wasn't going to fly.

So Daley, being Daley, threw an arm around Sanchez and declared him a fucking genius!  And there Sanchez would remained, right by Da Mare's side and in-effect running one of the clout-generating engines of Daley machine called the Hispanic Democratic Organization...until a few years later when he got himself indicted for his part in the massive Hired Truck scam, at which point Hizzoner got a brand new mudflap named Ron Huberman to stand between himself and the scandal that was swallowing half of his cronies and went back to "Al Sanchez?  Who dat?"

Eventually Al went away for awhile.  Two-and-a-half years which, considering he coulda been doing 20, was not a bad deal. And now that he has paid his debt to society and is once again an upright citizen, what does Al plan to do next?

What else:

Convicted political boss Al Sanchez running for Cook County board

Former Chicago Streets and Sanitation commissioner rigged hiring to benefit party's foot soldiers 

December 03, 2013| By Rick Pearson and John Byrne, Chicago Tribune reporters

Former Chicago Streets and Sanitation boss Al Sanchez, shown in 2010 before the verdict, was convicted of scheming to rig city hiring. He's now running for Cook County Board.

Former Chicago Streets and Sanitation boss Al Sanchez, shown in 2010 before the verdict, was convicted of scheming to rig city hiring. He's now running for Cook County Board. (E. Jason Wambsgans, Chicago Tribune 2010)

Former Chicago Streets and Sanitation Commissioner Al Sanchez, convicted on federal charges of rigging hiring to benefit political foot soldiers, filed Monday to run for the Cook County Board seat previously held by William Beavers — who is headed for prison.

...

And why in the world does "Convicted political boss Al Sanchez" think he has a hope in hell of landing a seat on the Cook County Board?

Because through it all, Al Sanchez kept his fucking mouth shut.



Here endeth the lesson.