So you're Newt Gingrich, and damn, but it has been quite a ride.
From bomb-throwing leader of the proto-MAGA orc legions, to Speaker of the House where he was just two bullshit impeachments away from stealing the Big Chair. So close it was almost like it was under his desk. You know, like the secretary with whom he cheated on his second wife. Because he loved Murrica too much!
Newt Gingrich is no stranger to hypocrisies. It’s just that his own self-righteousness often gets in the way of admitting to them: “There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate,” the family-values candidate once famously said about his multiple extra-marital affairs.
Then, sadness. Impeachment failure, then outed as an adulterer himself. A corrupt and disgraced fraud cashiered from congress.
And lest you think Gingrich was some kind of anomaly, remember that, in the line of Republican's who would follow Gingrich to the Speakers chair, you'll find yet another lying adulterer trying to impeach Clinton for lying about adultery, a later-to-be-convicted pedophile, a weepy drunk who was also leader of the Republican' racist sabotage squad during the Obama administration, a Zombie-Eyed Granny Starver and a dead-rat stupid Trump doormat.
And if you were the sort of uncharitable person who would draw a straight like through all of those mopes and degenerates to see what this trend was headed, well, you would be forgiven for not being surprised that it'd end up with a creepy Christian nationalist cipher and Trump sock-puppet who thinks he Moses and gives off strong "I've got bodies buried in my basement" vibes.
But joy comes in the morning!
Because then Gingrich went on to becoming David Gregory's personal career reclamation project which, like gardening, required constant weeding and fertilizing since Newt "Advocate of civilization, Definer of civilization, Teacher of the rules of civilization, Leader (possibly) of the civilizing forces" Gingrich could not keep his lying, racist yapper shut for two weeks at a stretch, and so had to be brought back on Meet the Press over and over again to have his career as "Mr. Speaker, it's an honor to have you on again" cleaned, steamed and reblocked over and over again.
I covered all this to a fare-thee-well back during the Before Time, and in my upcoming book, "Holy Mother of God I am So Fucking Sick Of What a Gutless, Fascist-Enabling Shitpile Our Legacy Media Has Been Forever." That's the working title. Since it's a children's books, I'll probably have to change it to, I dunno, "Fluffy Bunny's Adventures In The Fourth Estate".
For you longtime readers, yep, I'm talking about The Gingrich Rules. From July, 2012:
In the game of professional punditry there also clearly exists a special set of rules designed with one person in mind. Or, rather, one sort of person: Conservatism's parade of bomb-throwing, hate-mongering, race-baiting bottom feeders. That breed which makes their daily bread from grifting the Pig People by generating an endless flood of books, magazine articles, broadcasts, speeches and videos all telling the GOP base over and over again that their bigotries are noble and their paranoia is patriotic.
Of course, part of the downside of wallowing in the wingnut sewer and trafficking in slander and lies is that, sooner or later, you become a toxic mess. Your stink becomes unacceptable to the general public, which s where the Sunday morning talk shows -- the Mouse Circus -- comes in. Because despite having long ago devolved into a sinkhole of Beltway centrist twaddle, it is still viewed by altogether too many people as a bastion of Very Serious people -- it's the strip-mall of political opinion where casual shoppers go to feel smart and validated.
And so a bargain is struck; the bottom feeders deliver a temporary hike in the only thing these show's owners really care about -- audience share -- and, in exchange for being teevee friendly and keeping the worst of their batshit crazy on a leash for a few minutes, their Mouse Circus deburrs the bottom feeders' public image, replates and burnishes their credibility and temporarily transfuses them with Seriousness, which can then be redeemed at ten times its face value back among the Pig People.
And in the key to that bargain we find "The Gingrich Rules": an agreement that the moderator will never, ever ask the bomb-throwing, hate-mongering, race-baiting goon sitting directly across from them a single question about their bomb-throwing, hate-mongering or race-baiting activities. Instead they will be represented to the public merely as a Conservative commentator or talk radio host or pundit who, at worst, might be known for some "controversial" opinions, which the moderator will never bother to explicate. "
Fun fact: Gingrich still can't keep his racist yapper shut, but now that doing racism on live teevee is cool, Newt doesn't need a codpiece like Gregory anymore.
And during the lean years, when the exchequer started running little low, Gingrich could always "write" a new shitty book and lean on all the Conservative infiltrators who had wormed their way into the media and publishing worlds to flog it. Or, when things got really thin, hawk real fake "Speaker's Hammers" guaranteed to have been autographed by the old perv himself.
From Rachel Maddow 14 years ago.
A couple more failed runs for president, and then came another turn of the wheel. Suddenly, a monster spawned by the cancer of Gingrich-style Republican politics named Donald Trump is sweeping through the Republican primaries, easily dispatching the best and brightest of the Republican establishment. It was Springtime for Gingrich once again.
He was back in the inner circle. Back in demand on cable teevee. And Blowjob Wide #3 was appointed Trump's ambassador to the Vatican. And most important of all, Gingrich-style politics was now all the rage in the GOP. See "Notorious Former Vatican Lothario and Layabout Shares Rustic Opinions About Race."
But by now Gingrich understood that tides can go in and out, so he made sure all of his grifting side-hustles remained intact. From the blurb for "Gingrich 360":
Discover a world of engaging books, documentaries, and educational toys at the Gingrich 360 online store. Shop bestselling titles by Newt and Callista Gingrich, including the beloved Ellis the Elephant series, and find unique gifts that bring American history to life.
So having led you on this far, it'd be reasonable to ask, "Yes, yes, we know all this. Newt's a liar and a fraud and an all around loathsome, poison toad of a person, who is more responsible than almost anyone else for grotesque state of American politics. So what's going on with him that we have come all this way? What's new with Gingrich?"
And here's the thing. There is absolutely nothing new with Newt. He is 100% the same despicable, lying poison toad of a person he has always been. Newt is an entirely known quantity.
Which is why this post isn't really about Gingrich.
This post is about the New York Fucking Times and this headline
This is the New York Fucking Times giving Newton Leroy Gingrich enough guest essay real estate to both yell at Democrats for doing shut downs wrong [it’s the Trump shut down] and rewrite his own history into a chest-thumping saga about how, sure, it seemed like the Gingrich-led shutdowns during the Clinton years were a disaster but, see, they were actually brilliant. Ya see, Gingrich’s shutdown was a triumph of “strategy” [He likely got this phrasing from Steve Bannon] while Democrats’ [again, it’s Trump’s shut down] is a failure due to “bad messaging”.
In case you had forgotten, or weren't there at the time, this was President Clinton in the process of serving Gingrich's ass to him on a silver platter. FYI, it's a much longer video and, if you're interested, the fight was over balancing the budget. Quite the relic of the Before Time.
But it should also serve as a reminder that, in many ways, the Republican party has changed very little in the 30 years since Gingrich shut the government down for the second time. They are still fanatically committed to gutting programs that help working class Americans, middle class Americans and poor Americans, and they are still fanatically committed to huge tax cuts for the wealthy.
And the end result of that second Gingrich shutdown? From NPR:
There was no quick and easy solution to the dispute in 1995-96, either. Each side was certain that the public would back them. As it turned out, Gingrich and the GOP lost that particular bet. Polls at the time showed that the public put the blame on the House speaker and his party and that they wanted the government operating again.
Cracks formed in the Republican solidarity, and in a session of Congress held on New Year's Eve, Republican Senate Majority Leader Bob Dole of Kansas signaled that the fight was over for his fellow Republicans.
"We ought to end this," Dole said on the Senate floor. "I mean, it's gotten to the point where it's a little ridiculous as far as this senator is concerned."
The government reopened days later. It was widely seen as a setback for the GOP, and the shutdown of 1995-96 became known as a cautionary tale for years to come.
As a final insult, the Times decided to not mention Gingrich’s own history of shutdowns blowing up in his face, or his adultery, or corruption, his failed attempt to impeach Bill Clinton, or his racism, or his incessant lying.
Instead, the New York Fucking Times reduced Newt Gingrich’s biography to these 11 words: “Mr. Gingrich, a Republican, is a former speaker of the House.”
Like asking Jeffrey Dahmer to toss off a few hundred words about his favorite recipes, and only telling the readers that he was, "Mr. Dahmer, famous gourmand."