Aqua Buddha? Nah.

Kid Aqua Buddha?

Nah.

Butch Aqua Buddha?

Nah.

Butch Buddha?

Nah.

Butch Magnum?

Close.

Butch Magnum of Galt's Gulch?

Closer.

Butch Magnum:  The Fastest Gun in Galt's Gulch?

Oh yeah...

Burn The Lifeboats

Man Who Goes Through Life With a Dead, Jheri Curled Tribble Strapped To His Head...

 

...decided to get snippy about other people's private, medical and lifestyle decisions.

There's a video out there with Sen. Rand Paul asking transphobic questions to Dr. Levine, a trans woman, who led PA's health department with grace, poise, and authenticity. Please don't share that video. Support @VictoryFund or your local LGBTQ+ organization instead.

— Rep. Malcolm Kenyatta (@malcolmkenyatta) February 25, 2021

Meet My Tip Jar.

Rand Paul Running Away From Science

Over the past 221 years, in my occasional "Rand Paul Running Away From Things" series, we here at the driftglass blog have had a lot of fun watching the Junior Senator from Kentucky run away from many things including Ayn Rand, history, civil rights, voting rights, science and his own father.

Today we find the pretend eye doctor and real Senator from Kentucky advising Americans to endanger their own lives and the lives of everyone around them by spread, spread, spreading the virus as far and wide as possible.

Rand Paul is telling people on Fox to throw away their masks if they’ve been vaccinated or already recovered(don’t do this) pic.twitter.com/zzF12GxGsB

— Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) January 16, 2021

So where does Senator Rand Paul find the energy to get up every single day, strap a fresh Tribble to his head, and commence to run, run, running away from the fundamental pillars of Western Civilization?  From the same source as that other well-known Senator from Kentucky, Mitch McConnell.  From The Bluegrass State's very own rich and apparently limitless supply of inbred, racist Republican meathead voters.

Behold, a Tip Jar!

Rand Paul Running Away From Libertarianism

Over the past 162 years, we here at the driftglass blog have had a lot of fun with an occasional feature called "Rand Paul Running Away From Things" featuring the Junior Senator from Kentucky sprinting like Hell away from many things which he once claimed to believe in including history, civil rights, voting rights, science and his own father.

Today we find Randal Howard Paul running away from Libertarianism, which he has claimed to be his core, defining philosophy ever since was created at a Koch Brothers research lab somewhere in Western Kentucky.

Sen. Rand Paul calls for arresting citizens first, investigating afterward: "The FBI needs to investigate but the only way you can do it is you have to arrest people." https://t.co/uwCndMljl2

— Steven Reisner (@Drreisner) September 3, 2020

This development came as a complete surprise to everyone...except for anyone who has bothered to pay attention to Rand Paul's political career long enough to notice that, like every other Republican, he has no core, defining philosophy whatsoever except packing the courts with wingnut judges, tax cuts for his billionaire patrons and hanging on to power at all costs.

No Half Measures

Rand Paul Running Away From Things: An Ongoing Series

As we have noted on this little blog many, many times, at the slightest provocation the easily-startled, over-caffeinated badger that lives on top of Ran Paul's head will run away from any democratic principle dragging the junior senator from the great state pf Kentucky right along behind it.

For example, this...

Rand Paul to travel to Russia after downplaying election meddling

And this:

"If there wasn't such acute hatred for President Trump, such a 'Trump derangement syndrome' on the left...," a meeting with a Russian leader could have happened sooner says Sen. @randpaul. The blow back from the meeting, "really shows people hatred for President Trump." pic.twitter.com/ejfBwqYduz

— PBS NewsHour (@NewsHour) July 16, 2018

And gets his good doggie pay on the head from Il Douche for doing so:

Thank you @RandPaul. “The President has gone through a year and a half of totally partisan investigations - what’s he supposed to think?”

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 17, 2018

Rand Paul does this because "treason" is the Republican default setting.

Behold, a Tip Jar!

The Triumphant Return of Rand Paul Running Away From Things

It has been awhile since we dropped in on the bobs and weaves of the Running Man of Bowling Green, but he's back baby!

And this time Senator Rand Paul is running away from...

...Senator Rand Paul.

Watching as Rand Paul slowly transforms into Marco Rubio pic.twitter.com/5kEHctTTs3

— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) April 23, 2018

And now, the late Johnny Cash:

Behold, a Tip Jar!

Sunday Morning Comin' Down: A is A

Here's a very odd thing for a United States senator to say -- especially a United States senator who is an out-and-proud member of the heartless Cult of Ayn Rand.  According to Senator Rand Paul (and, presumably, the evil, Mirror/Mirror Universe tribble that sits on his head and does his thinking for him) this --

-- is most emphatically not a bottle of ketchup.

It's true.  Despite the fact that it is marketed as ketchup, people buy it as ketchup, it is clearly and helpfully labeled as ketchup and ketchup comes pouring out of it when people squeeze it, according to the junior senator from the state of Kentucky, that does not necessarily mean that it is ketchup.  In fact, the junior senator from the state of Kentucky (and the living hairball escapee from the Phantom Zone that is clamped to his head at all times) goes even further, stating outright that calling this ketchup --

-- is, in fact, very unhelpful and, darn it, just plain wrong.

From Meet the Press:

SEN. RAND PAUL: You know, I don't think the comments about ketchup were constructive at all. But I also think that to be fair, we shouldn't draw conclusions about ketchup that the plastic bottle of condiment sauce with the tomato on it didn't intend. I know personally about the plastic bottle of condiment sauce with the tomato on it...

SEN. RAND PAUL: ... So I think it's unfair to sort of draw any ketchupy conclusions from a remark by the plastic bottle of condiment sauce with the tomato on it that I think wasn’t constructive...

SEN. RAND PAUL:  And I think it's unfair then to sort of all of a sudden paint the plastic bottle of condiment sauce with the tomato on it as "ketchup" when I know, for a fact...

SEN. RAND PAUL:  Right. But I think people jumped a little bit to a conclusion. Let's take the whole scenario and put different words in there and let's say, "What if the plastic bottle of condiment sauce with the tomato contained delicious chocolate sauce instead? And what if it had a label on it that said "Chocolate Sauce"?" Huh?  Huh?  What then?  Check, and mate baby!

SEN. RAND PAUL:  ... So there are a lot of questions that this ultimately intersects with condiment policy. And the only thing I regret from all of this, other than I think some people in the media have gone completely bonkers with, you know, just ad hominem on the who "ketchup" thing...  

In fact, the junior senator from the state of Kentucky (and the extraterrestrial hirsute macroscopic single-cell hive-mind organism that is continuously skull-fucking him) is so deeply committed to his creepy "this is not ketchup" fetish that he is willing to deploy the Beltway media's most potent weapon in defense of his indefensible position.  See if you can spot it!

SEN. RAND PAUL:  And you can't have a condiment compromise if everybody's out there calling this --

-- "ketchup"  They're actually destroying the setting. And he's a little bit of it, but both sides now are destroying the setting in which anything meaningful can happen.

Wowers.  That is commitment.

Oh, wait.  Did I say "a bottle of ketchup"?

Sorry.

I meant to say that, according to Senator Rand Paul, this asshole --

-- is most emphatically not a racist.

It's true.  Despite the fact that President Stupid marketed himself as a racist, the meathead Republican base voted for him and still support him because he is a racist, that Trump spent years clearly and helpfully labeled himself as a racist, and seemingly every time he opens his gob, racism comes pouring out of him, according to the junior senator from the state of Kentucky, that does not mean that President Stupid is racist.  

In fact, the junior senator from the state of Kentucky goes even further, stating outright that calling President Stupid a racist is the real problem.

From Meet the Press, for real this time:

SEN. RAND PAUL:  You know, I don't think the comments were constructive at all. But I also think that to be fair, we shouldn't draw conclusions that he didn't intend. I know personally about his feelings towards Haiti and towards Central America...

SEN. RAND PAUL:  So I think it's unfair to sort of draw conclusions from a remark that I think wasn’t constructive, is the least we can say.

SEN. RAND PAUL:  And I think it's unfair then to sort of all of a sudden paint him, "Oh well, he's a racist," when I know, for a fact, that he cares very deeply about the people in Haiti...

And here's a a fun idea!  Instead of judging President Stupid by what he actually said, let's just pretend that he said something completely other than what he actually said!  Then he never would have said it!

SEN. RAND PAUL:  Right. But I think people jumped a little bit to a conclusion. Let's take the whole scenario and put different words in there and let's say, "We'd rather have people from economically-prosperous countries than economically-deprived countries." Or, "We realize that there are more problems in economically-deprived countries, therefore there's a bigger impetus for them to want to come." Then it wouldn't have been so controversial.

Check and mate again bitches!

And then comes the inevitable Both Siderism because if there is one Beltway Perfume that can magically take the reek off of any Republican shitpile...

SEN. RAND PAUL:  ... So there are a lot of questions that this ultimately intersects with policy. And the only thing I regret from all of this, other than I think some people in the media have gone completely bonkers with, you know, just ad hominem on the president, but what I regret is I do want to see an immigration compromise. And you can't have an immigration compromise if everybody's out there calling the president a racist. They're actually destroying the setting. And he's a little bit of it, but both sides now are destroying the setting in which anything meaningful can happen on immigration.

Over the past 75 years, we here at the driftglass blog have had a lot of fun watching the Junior Senator from Kentucky run away from many things including Ayn Rand, his own father, history, science, civil rights and voting rights:

And now we can "The meaning of words" to our award-ready series of things away from which Rand Paul runs.

But what makes this particular act of sniveling cowardice stand out from Senator Paul's long and storied history of cravenness is how unhesitatingly he guts the most fundamental tenet of his own, core philosophy -- the heartless Cult of Ayn Rand.

Attend. This is from the "This is John Galt Speaking" portion of what one wag once called that "vast, steaming heap of bad science fiction called Atlas Shrugged" 

To exist is to be something, as distinguished from the nothing of non-existence, it is to be an entity of a specific nature made of specific attributes. Centuries ago, the man who was—no matter what his errors—the greatest of your philosophers, has stated the formula defining the concept of existence and the rule of all knowledge: A is A. A thing is itself.

A is A, Senator Paul.

And ketchup is ketchup.

And a racist is a racist.

And a pusillanimous, lick-spittle fraud is most definitely a pusillanimous, lick-spittle fraud.

Behold, a Tip Jar!

The Triumphant Return of Rand Paul Running Away from Things

Over the past 73 74 years, we here at the driftglass blog have had a lot of fun watching the Junior Senator from Kentucky run away from many things including Ayn Rand, history, civil rights, voting rights, science and his own father.  

And back in the halcyon days of our youth in 2016, we thought we might have heard the last of the Junior Senator from Kentucky.

But happily we were wrong.  The Running Man of Bowling Green is back!  And this time he is running away from...math.

Paul's diagnosis of the problems inherent in trying to blow up Obamacare are roughly correct (from CNN):

Writing for the website Rare, Paul explained that Republicans needed to vote for a complete repeal of Obamacare, while simultaneously voting on an adequate replacement. "As we repeal Obamacare, we would be wise to vote on its replacement at the same time," Paul wrote.

He added: "If Congress fails to vote on a replacement at the same time as repeal, the repealers risk assuming the blame for the continued unraveling of Obamacare."

The popular parts of the law -- such as one that allows individuals with pre-existing conditions to buy insurance after their diagnosis -- only work when the other parts like the individual mandate are maintained, Paul argued.

"If you repeal this mandate, but leave in place dictates as to whom may purchase insurance, you create a business model doomed to fail," he wrote.

But the course of treatment for these problems as prescribed by Senator Self-Licensed quack Doctor of Eyes-'N-Stuff is so hilariously doltish -- so clearly the produce of an adolescence mind frozen forever at the moment he was triumphantly jacking to John Galt's speech from Atlas Shrugged for the 100th time -- that I cannot adequately parody it:

Still, Paul avoided providing much in the way of specifics about a potential replacement system.

Instead, he suggested that "perhaps we should try freedom," and sketched out four principles that should guide the formation of a potential replacement -- maintaining freedom of choice, offering health savings accounts, removing state-by-state barriers, and providing "the freedom for all individuals to join together in voluntary associations to gain the leverage of being part of a large insurance pool."

So the next time you belly up to the billing desk at your doctor's office, tell 'em you're paying with Freedom!

Either that or with the proceeds from your Free Market Libertarian Meth Lab.

Rand Paul Running Away From Things: Epilogue

Over the past 73 years, we here at the driftglass blog have had a lot of fun watching the Junior Senator from Kentucky run away from many things including Ayn Rand, history, civil rights, voting rights, science and his own father.

Sadly, the Running Man of Galt's Gulch has finally found the last thing away from which to run: his own, doomed campaign for president.  From ABC News:

Rand Paul Suspends 2016 Presidential Campaign

Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul said today he is suspending his 2016 campaign for president.

"It's been an incredible honor to run a principled campaign for the White House," Paul said in a statement. "Today, I will end where I began, ready and willing to fight for the cause of liberty.

Paul finished fifth in Monday's Iowa caucuses with 4.5 percent of the vote, behind rivals Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, Marco Rubio and Ben Carson...

But this is not farewell.  Now that we have established that neither openly crackpot ideas nor Dr. Seuss-inspired hair configurations are a barrier to making it into the Final Four in the Donald Trump Party, I'm sure we can look forward to Rand Paul making headlines running away from many new and exciting things during presidential campaigns yet to come.

Rand Paul Running Away From Things, Ctd.

Brogressive Hero Rand Paul continues his unique presidential campaign cross-training regimen of saying remarkably stupid things -- 

The presidential candidate made the controversial comments about terrorist attacks during an unusual Sunday night Senate session aimed at reauthorizing three expiring measures of the Patriot Act. Paul successfully blocked those efforts, forcing the expiration of the NSA’s metadata program at midnight.

"People here in town think I’m making a huge mistake," Paul said Sunday.

"Some of them, I think, secretly want there to be an attack on the United States so they can blame it on me."

-- and then running away from what he just said:

Sen. Rand Paul is inching away from comments where he accused his colleagues of secretly wanting a terrorist attack on the United States in order to undercut his efforts to dismantle a government surveillance program.

"Sometimes, in the heat of battle, hyperbole can get the better of anyone, and that may be the problem there," the Kentucky Republican said Monday on Fox News's "America's Newsroom."

Rand Paul:  Putting the "ass" in "Passive Voice" every time he has to jump back over his own dick in public.  

Which is fairly often.  

More "Rand Paul Running Away From Things" here , here, here, here, here and here. 

Rand Paul Running Away From Things, Ctd.

Republicans candidate for President and Ayn Rand Super-fan, Rand Paul, goes full greased weasel on the subject of abortion:

AP Interview: Paul won't spell out abortion ban exceptions

By PHILIP ELLIOTT

Apr. 8, 2015 7:16 PM EDT

Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul, a newly declared Republican presidential candidate, is dodging a central question about abortion: What exceptions, if any, should be made if the procedure were to be banned?

In an interview with The Associated Press on Wednesday, Paul would not say if his opposition to abortion rights includes an exception in cases of rape, incest or risk to the life of the mother.

"The thing is about abortion — and about a lot of things — is that I think people get tied up in all these details of, sort of, you're this or this or that, or you're hard and fast (on) one thing or the other," Paul said.

In the past, Paul has supported legislation that would ban abortion with exceptions, while at other times, he's backed bills seeking a broader bar on abortion.

...

Paul grew testy when pressed in the interview on the question of exceptions. "I gave you about a five-minute answer. Put in my five-minute answer," he said.

Later in the day, when asked after a campaign stop in Milford about the interview, which the Democratic National Committee had sent reporters, Paul said, "Why don't we ask the DNC: Is it OK to kill a 7-pound baby in the uterus?"

"You go back and go ask (DNC head) Debbie Wasserman Schultz if she's OK with killing a 7-pound baby that's just not born yet," Paul said. "Ask her when life begins, and ask Debbie when she's willing to protect life. When you get an answer from Debbie, come back to me."

In response, Wasserman Schultz said, "I support letting women and their doctors make this decision without government getting involved. Period. End of story."

...

As trolliticians (tm) like Paul are fully aware, capriciously "killing a 7-pound baby that's just not born yet" is not the "Democrat" Party position.

But you know who was cool with that position?

Ayn Rand:

"An embryo has no rights. Rights do not pertain to a potential, only to an actual being. A child cannot acquire any rights until it is born. The living take precedence over the not-yet-living (or the unborn)."

More "Rand Paul Running Away From Things" here , here, here, here and here.

Rand Paul Running Away From Things, Ctd.

This time, Ran Paul runs away from Baylor (from Salon):

Rand Paul caught lying about his college record

Senator's office forced to admit that he never graduated from Baylor University

Ophthalmologist-turned-politician Rand Paul may have a medical degree from Duke University, but the Kentucky senator and likely 2016 presidential candidate never completed his undergraduate education at Baylor University. So why did Paul assert twice yesterday that he holds two bachelor’s degrees from the institution?

...

More "Ran Paul Running Away From Things" here , here, here, here and here.

Rand Paul Running Away From Things, Ctd.

"Ran Paul" running away from Science.

(More "Ran Paul" here , here, here and here

"I have heard of many tragic cases of walking, talking normal children who wound up with profound mental disorders after reading 'Atlas Shrugged'."

-- Senator Rand Paul. somewhat misquoted

Because Purity

The latest in my award-ready series, Rand Paul Running Away From Things.

From The Daily Beast:

Rand Paul Beats Ted Cruz, Saves NSA From ‘Reform’

One wants to fix the spy agency from the inside. The other wanted to block watered-down reforms of the secret state. The winner just might get to be president.

The fight to rein in NSA surveillance stalled in the Senate Tuesday evening—meaning the lasting impact of the months-long reform effort will be less about the agency and more about the presidential aspirations of Sens. Rand Paul and Ted Cruz.

Ironically, it was Paul, the libertarian icon, who helped sink the bill to curb America’s most notorious intelligence agency—all in the name of deep-sixing the surveillance state. And he did it with arguments that many civil libertarians found disingenuous, at best. Meanwhile, Cruz, the senator with the reputation as a political arsonist, was suddenly thrust into the role of the insider, looking to fix the NSA from within the system. It didn’t work.

The NSA reforms, known as the USA Freedom Act, are championed by Democratic Sen. Patrick Leahy and Republican Rep. Jim Sensenbrenner. On Tuesday evening, it failed to reach the 60 votes required to advance the bill procedurally.

The bill would have ended the NSA’s bulk collection of metadata, first brought to public knowledge by Edward Snowden; created a special advocate position to argue against the government in the FISA courts; and allowed tech companies to release statistics about government demands for information. Cruz is a co-sponsor of the bill, along with libertarian-minded Sen. Mike Lee.
...

Even if the law represents naught but a teeny, tiny baby step or two, the news that Brogressive Hero Rand Paul helped kill this particular bill is news which you might reasonably expect to ignite a patented ballistic HaterCon freakout from the Purity Caucus, complete with the wailing and the rending of garments and hordes of The Usual Suspects flinging words like "tyrannical" and "jackbooted" and perhaps even the dreaded "Obot" around like so much Twitter monkey poo.

Clearly you don't know the Purity Caucus...

When it comes to stopping NSA mass surveillance, the US Congress is not where the important action is https://t.co/pmzIbgqnq1
— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) November 19, 2014

Dude, governance is sooo 1977.

Because Purity.

Rand Paul: Break The Government

Rand Paul Running Away From More Things

More "Ran Paul" here and here.

Rand Paul Running Away From Things, Ctd.

From Yahoo News:

Rand Paul says he never proposed ending aid to Israel — even though he did

Paul proposed a budget in 2011 to cut off aid to all foreign nations.

By Chris Moody, Yahoo News

August 4, 2014 3:31 PM

Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul on Monday denied that he once supported ending federal aid to Israel — an idea he proposed as recently as 2011.

“I haven’t really proposed that in the past,” Paul told Yahoo News when asked if he still thought the U.S. should phase out aid to Israel, which has been battling Hamas in Gaza for weeks. “We’ve never had a legislative proposal to do that. You can mistake my position, but then I’ll answer the question. That has not been a position — a legislative position — we have introduced to phase out or get rid of Israel’s aid. That’s the answer to that question. Israel has always been a strong ally of ours and I appreciate that. I voted just this week to give money — more money — to the Iron Dome, so don’t mischaracterize my position on Israel.”

...

The problem?

...

Paul, who was in Omaha campaigning for Nebraska Senate candidate Ben Sasse before a three-day tour of neighboring Iowa, may not like it when reporters bring up his proposal from three years ago to end all U.S. foreign aid — including to Israel. But that was in fact his position.

In 2011, the newly elected Paul proposed a budget that would have cut $500 billion from the federal budget in part by cutting off foreign aid to all countries, including financial grants to Israel. The United States provides about $3 billion to Israel annually, and last week the Senate approved $225 million to help support Israel’s Iron Dome technology, which blocks rocket fire from Gaza. (Paul supported the measure.)

Paul, in his first months in office, however, defended phasing out aid by saying that the U.S. could no longer afford to give cash to other countries...

As I have written many times before in irritating detail, one of the two characteristics that binds together the entire Republican Party -- and every Conservative from David Brooks and Andrew Sullivan to Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh -- is a junkie-like dependence on continuous, aggressive lying about their own immediate past.

And thus Rand Paul truly proves his True Conservative bona fides: by lying so radically and ham-fistedly that it would make a MiniTrue executive propagandist blush.

More "Rand Paul Running Away From Things" here

Rand Paul Running Away From Things