Dear Mr. President, HELP!

Mr. President Trump, sir, I swear, the Illinois Republican party has lost its damn mind.  Pardon the swear but I'm just SO MAD at them.  Their about to go into battle with the forces of EVIL and COMMUNISM right here in the Lard of Lincoln and I just heard there going to do it without there  GREATEST GENERAL.

At a time when the Dumocraps have sew much MONEY, they told the papers they're going to do it without you.  This is insane!!!  There going into the lions den without the LORD on there side!!!

Instead we here this sort of thing in the papers.  "Bailey and his Republican colleagues mostly steered clear of mentioning the president" and "The president of the United States has nothing to do with the problems that Illinois is having right now."

Sir, they wont even say your name!

I dont even no what to say.  These are people I sent money to, and voted for, LOYALLY, and there going into the elections turning there backs on the GREATEST LEADER in American HISTORY.  The man I voted for SIX TIMES.  The man who is saving this country form the plots and schemes of the RADICAL LEFT COMMUNISTS.  

I swear, the only LOYAL one of them is the amazing Mary Miller who PROUDLY shows a picture of you and her on the front page of her web site.

HELP!!!

These fools need you HEAR as soon as possible to get them back in line. They need to see that BIG BEAUTIFUL plane landing hear, and you coming down the steps, like the KING that you are, and reminding these clowns that there about to get BALLROOM AND The OVAL OFFICE back in better shape than ever.  And dont forget the ARCH!!  

You need to remind them that we have already won the war against the muslem villains of IRAN and the STRAITS are ours now!!!  That no one is better at ECONOMY than you -- just look at the 3.2 billion dollars you made in just the last 2 years!!!  If ANYONE knows more about making money, I've never met them.

 

Mr. President Trump, sir, PLEASE come as quick as you can and save us from these stupids before ITS TOO LATE!!!

Yours in Christ,

A LOYAL Springfield MAGA

 

The "Bring Trump To Illinois" MAGA Victory Fund!!

Professional Left Podcast Episode 1005: Meanwhile, In Local News...

“Tonight Illinois has set a tone for the nation, that we won't stand idle hoping that our economy improves. This is a brand new day for the Illinois Republican Party. Tonight we send a message to our party that here in Illinois, there will be a new generation of Republican leaders..."  -- then-rising Tea Party Republican Adam Kinzinger after he won a congressional seat in 2012 

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Meanwhile, In Local Fascism...

...the local chapter of the "Every Accusation is a Confession" party is reacting to the events of the past week just exactly as you would expect.

From Peoria news station 25, "Your Home Team", and WAND, "Central #Illinois' best source for #news and #weather." (see what they did there with the little hash-tags):

Illinois Freedom Caucus seeks Pritzker’s removal from office over ‘vile’ rhetoric

Yes, we have our very own, Illinois legislature "Freedom Caucus", because "fascist see, fascist do".

The Illinois Freedom Caucus has filed articles of impeachment against Gov. JB Pritzker over “vile comments” made against Republicans.

The eastern Illinois Republicans are furious with Pritzker’s response to the assassination of conservative influencer Charlie Kirk.

Pritzker expressed sympathy for Kirk and his family while condemning political violence at an unrelated event Wednesday. However, the Democrat said President Donald Trump ignites this type of violence.

“We saw the shootings, the killings in Minnesota. We’ve seen other political violence occur in other states,” Pritzker said. “I would just say, it’s got to stop. I think there are people fomenting it in this country. I think the president’s rhetoric often foments it.”

That's what our governor, J.B. Pritzker said.  Simple.  Clear.  Factual.

But because they wear the Special Glasses -- 

-- this is what local MAGA nitwits heard:

Republicans have criticized Pritzker’s increased attacks on the GOP over recent years, including a speech where Pritzker said Republicans cannot know a moment of peace earlier this spring. Many are upset that Pritzker blamed their party’s leader for the rise in violence following Kirk’s death.

“For him to say these things for political gain is unacceptable,” said Rep. Adam Niemerg (R-Dieterich). “That’s what this is all about. This is about political gain for radical Democrats and pushing a woke narrative. They can’t amount to anything to get that done, including assassinating conservatives at college campuses.”

"Political gain"?  Check.

"Radical Democrats"? Check.

"Woke narrative"? Check

They really are just reprogrammable meatbags.  

Niemerg and Rep. Chris Miller (R-Hindsboro) told WAND News they know Democrats have no desire to impeach Pritzker. They argued that other Illinois Democrats are complicit in the governor’s actions.

“Just the rhetoric is nonstop about being Nazis and about being fascists,” Miller said. “That includes people like me. I’m a farmer from downstate Illinois. I’m about the farthest thing from a Nazi that you will ever see. It’s extremely inflammatory to me personally and also my family and all the things we stand for.”

What's exactly is the difference between someone who is a member of a fascist political party, who votes for fascist, votes with fascists, who helped nominate a fascist for president three times and got him elected twice ... and a fascist?  Sounds an awful lot like being just a little bit pregnant.

Also, Fun Fact:  Chris Miller, leader of the state-level Illinois Freedom Caucus is the husband of Mary "Nazi" Miller, who regularly disgraces herself and embarrasses the state as the representative from Illinois' 15th congressional district, which, at a rating of Batshit+20, is Illinois most conservative district.  

Here is more of what governor Pritzker actually said:

Pritzker said no one in this country should have to fear gun violence, whether they’re in class in high school or attending an event on a college campus. The Pritzker administration reiterated that the governor condemned the shooting that killed Charlie Kirk and believes political violence should never become the norm.

And here is the predictable Illinois Republican Freedom Caucus freakout:

“Just two nights ago, I called for the governor to resign frankly over his terrible comments blaming Trump and Jan. 6 for Charlie Kirk’s political assassination,” Niemerg said. “The governor has shown that he is not capable of leading. He has shown that he needs to be removed from office, and that needs to happen immediately.”

Because the only law these elected Jukes and Kallikaks believe applies to them is Murc's Law.

No, that's "Burke's Law".

This is Murc's Law.

“Murc’s Law” [was] named after a commenter at the blog Lawyers, Guns, and Money who noticed years ago the habitual assumption among the punditry that Republican misbehavior can only be caused by Democrats. Do Republicans reject climate science? Must be because Democrats failed to persuade them! Did Republicans pass unpopular tax cuts for the rich? Must be that Democrats didn’t do enough to guide them to better choices! Do Republicans keep voting for lunatics and fascists? It must be the fault of Democrats for being mean to them! Even D____ T____’s election was widely blamed on Democrats — who voted against him, to be clear — on the bizarre grounds that Barack Obama should have rolled over and just let Mitt Romney win in 2012.

So, has this ludicrous, stumblebum circus made any forward progress in the past few days?  Well, if you define "progress" in the broadest possible terms, and measure it in micrometers, I suppose it has.

From WGN, Chicago, today:

Pritzker’s rhetoric sparks impeachment calls from Illinois conservatives 

As you know, we here at the driftglass blog love a good rhetoric sparking that leads to calls for things.  Tell me more, World's Greatest Network!

Sadly it's mostly retreads of what we already know ... except this.  Using the opening three paragraphs to execute what we in the trade call the ol'  "A.P. Stylebook eyeroll".

Amidst a debate over how to quell political violence in America, Illinois elected leaders from both sides of the aisle are calling for a change in tone. 

Hey, both sides agree that tones should be changed.  Isn't that great!

In the aftermath of the fatal shooting of activist Charlie Kirk, Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker has called for the country to come together to end political violence.

And the governor is leading the way.  Isn't that terrific! 

And then, the eyeroll, which I will highlight for your elucidation...

But the Illinois House Freedom Caucus, comprised of conservative state lawmakers, accuses the governor of inciting violence. The group brought articles of impeachment against Pritzker, citing various statements made by the Democratic Party, including remarks in New Hampshire back in April.

The article continues:

Illinois State Rep. Adam Niemerg (R-Dieterich) further explained the motivation behind the Illinois House Freedom Caucus.

“We’ve proceeded with Articles of Impeachment against Governor Pritzker for his own hateful rhetoric, as well as no safety and security here in the state of Illinois,” Niemerg said...

Republicans also criticized Pritzker for statements made during his February State of the State address.

“The authoritarian playbook is laid bare here: They point to a group of people who don’t look like you and tell you to blame them for your problems. If you think I’m overreacting and sounding the alarm too soon, consider this: It took the Nazis one month, three weeks, two days, eight hours, and 40 minutes to dismantle a constitutional republic,” Pritzker said...

Niemerg said Pritzker is attempting to do a bureaucratic shuffle.

“He’s trying to act like his hateful rhetoric has not been heard by the radical left,” Niemerg added.

Then, in the last paragraph, comes the little touch that makes it art.  The article covering what everyone knows is time-wasting garbage conjured into existence by the dregs at the bottom of the Illinois MAGA barrel is bookended by another A.P. Stylebook eyeroll, which I have highlighted for your edification:

The Articles of Impeachment are unlikely to move forward, as the Democratic supermajority in Springfield would need to agree to bring the bill to the floor. Also worth noting is that the GOP leadership did not introduce the measure.

Worth noting indeed.  

Mark this hot saga as "Developing!"

I Am The Liberal Media

Professional Left Podcast Episode 927: Pritzker's Honor

"Do you follow American politics? They hate Obama. Hate him. He's a black man. That's what it is: it's racist. This guy is no bleeding-heart liberal. He's a centrist." -- Ian McShane (once again.)

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The Professional Left is brought to you by our wholly imaginary "sponsors" and real listeners like you!

Springfield 1, Noem 0

Rendition Gulag Barbie was scheduled to come here this morning so she could stand in front of the Governor's residence and mouth off.  So, along with a number of neighbors and fellow travelers, I hied myself down to the the guv's house to share in a spirited public expression of "Fuck Right Off" in response to her presence.  

But because she is a coward she never showed up.  And you could clearly see why.  The guv's residence was decorated in "Due Process For All" banners, and  of the more than 100 people I saw at the thing, among all the signs and clackers and cowbells and air horns, nary a single MAGA goof did I see.  Not one fascist-friendly face.  Instead, turns out Rendition Gulag Barbie was reduced to flying all the way here to skulk in an alley miles away with a few of her fellow fascists before beating it out of town.

How embarrassing.  

From The Illinois Times:

Homeland Secretary Kristi Noem a no-show at Governor's Mansion

Held press conference instead near the site of Emma Shafer's murder 

On Tuesday afternoon, the Department of Homeland Security announced that Secretary Kristi Noem would be visiting Springfield the following morning to tout her "Making America Safe Again" agenda and speak out against Gov. JB Pritzker's immigration policies and Illinois' status as a sanctuary state.  No time or location for her press conference was publicized, but it was believed that she would make an appearance in front of the Governor's Mansion at 10 a.m.

The Springfield Immigrant Advocacy Network, Illinois State AFL-CIO, 50501 Illinois and other activist groups began encouraging their supporters to show up and stage a counterprotest. A crowd gathered in front of the Governor's Mansion this morning, many with signs and some with their faces obscured to conceal their identities, but Noem did not appear...

Illinois Secretary of State Alexi Giannoulias held a press conference across from the Governor's Mansion at 10:30 a.m. in response to Noem's visit.

"The combination of cowardice, incompetence and cruelty is a very scary mix," Giannoulias said. "So while I'm glad she's not here, we need to step up as as a society, as a country and as a democracy to monsters like Kristi Noem."

From The Dominican Sisters of Springfield, Illinois

Kristi Noem has no right to use Emma Schafer when her mother is across town protesting her unconstitutional approach to immigration.

From my alderwoman:

The DHS and Feds picked the absolute wrong person to use as a prop today in Springfield, IL. Her memory and her LIFE’S WORK will not be defiled by the absolute ghouls who did this and those from our community who stood by in support of doing this. In the words of our Governor, may they never know a moment’s peace.

A message from her parents:

Of course the Springfield Immigrant Advocacy Network was there.

Can you spot me in this pic?

Well done, Springfield.  After cowing Rendition Gulag Barbie into such a humiliating public retreat practically in the shadow of one of her bosses loudest and most effective critics (from The Hill) --

Pritzker’s office mockingly calls for ‘all pet owners’ to beware ahead of Noem visit

-- because I am a movie nerd, I can't help but think about what Sam Spade sarcastically tells the incompetent gunsel, Wilmer,  in The Maltese Falcon after easily stripping him of his ridiculously large guns:

Come on.  This'll put you in solid with your boss. 

She ran away.  And you know how Trump loves it when his people make him look like a fool. 

No Half Measures

You Shall Not Pass

My dear wife has asked me to write a short post about the accomplishments of our governor, J.B. Pritzker, who is receiving a Crooks & Liars Hero Award.

Which is impossible.

You can either have a short post about J.B., or you can have a tally of his accomplishments, but not both.  What he has done in terms of policy and budgeting alone would require a TL;DR that might kill the Crooks & Liars servers, and we can't have that.  

If you're looking for him on BlueSky, he's at ‪@govpritzker.illinois.gov‬ and this is his latest, "Blue"?  "Sky"? "Skittle"?  What are we calling these things?

We're ensuring every mother, regardless of race, income, or zip code, has access to the care they deserve in Illinois.

I'm proud to announce an expansion in Medicaid coverage to include doula and lactation consultant services and closing another gap in maternal health care. 

Under Pritzker, Illinois has passed four balanced budgets that lead to three credit upgrades in the past year...

Oh wait, that's the 2022 budget stuff.

Here's the 2023 budget stuff:  Passed five balanced budgets that led to nine total credit upgrades since Governor Pritzker took office. This budget prioritized generational investments in early childhood education and childcare, the teacher pipeline, higher education, and efforts to fight poverty. 

Which is an improvement over 2022 in at least two ways.  First, is the obvious fiscal soundness of his policies.  Hell, we even have a rainy day fund now!  Second, whoever wrote the press release in 2022 has learned that it's poor rhetorical construction -- "this budget prioritized investments in key priorities" to use a variation on the word "priority" twice in one sentence.

Pritzker cut taxes on everyday needs like gas, groceries, and school supplies; while also providing property tax relief, tax rebates and an expansion of the Earned Income Tax Credit.   He also oversaw a fifty percent increase in total tax reported from adult-use cannabis.  Hence, the rainy day fund.  

And if all that sounds like I lifted it from a press release, well, I did.  That's what press releases are for. 

If you'd like to read the whole thing, here's the link.

The tangible improvements that Illinois has seen during the Pritzker administration are impressive, but equally as impressive are the intangibles.  J.B. Pritzker lets everyone know that he is a god damn Democrat and proud of it.  A union supporter, and proud of it.  A protector of a woman's right to choose, and proud of it.  An LGBTQ ally, and proud of it.  

And given what we all may be facing over the coming months and years, it is a comfort to know that the chief executive of my state is ready and willing to stand athwart the fascist mob and tell them "You shall not pass!"     And has enough fuck-you money put by to make a go of it.

Burn The Lifeboats