In the early hours of April 1st, president Joe Biden's quick-thinking German Shepard, Major, saved the nation from near-certain tragedy then he apparently ran down skeevy Florida Republican congressman Matt Gaetz like a wounded gazelle.
Gaetz, who was on his way to do God-knows what horrible shit, was reported missing by his life-partner Gym Jordan when Gaetz failed to show up for a scheduled "Republicans Planning to do God-Knows What Horrible Shit. A tearful Jordan told the press, "I just know Matt would never miss a GOP Doing Horrible Shit meeting. I just know it!"
Although the incident was witnessed by no fewer that 75 passers-by and photographed in detail by tourists visiting the nation's capital, a spokesperson for the police said that they believed that the case "would be better left unsolved."
When reached for comment about Major's actions, president Joe Biden said, "Major is a good dog! A good, good dog!"