52 for '22: Johnny Mnemonic

Movie: Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

Method: Netflix Streaming

Why Did I Watch This?

I guess call me a Keanu Reeves completionist. This had always escaped my purview, despite being made in between huge Keanu action hits like Speed (1994) and The Matrix (1999). This obviously has much less of a cultural cache, but it's a 90s Keanu action movie that was on Netflix. Also, a cool title. I knew it wasn't that great, so perfect to both finish this series and not worry too much about deep invested thoughts.

What Did I Know?

It's Keanu, in the 90s, in an action film, and had something to do with computers or cyberpunk. That was really it. Mnemonic means memory, so I figured it had something to do with him remembering some crap. Which is kind of true.

How Was it?

This is not a good movie. Let's get that clear right away. There is a reason why this is largely forgotten. But it does actually have a cool premise and some interesting moments. The idea that in the far-flung future of 2021 corporations rule everything and the world is decimated by a brain virus that is caused by overstimulation of computer and television screens. Loteks are rebels that resist technology and specialized couriers smuggle information in their brains to people who pay for it.

I'm now not sure what the original opening crawl was, some say this, others say this. The former is definitely clunkier, but fits the insane tone and direction of this film a bit more. Anyway, we get to things pretty quick. Keanu is looking for one last job and so some business folks upload way too much data into his brain for him to transport across the world. If he doesn't get it out of his brain in a few days, he'll die. Simple enough, and they organically get to a decent action story with a ticking clock.

There are always things to laugh at about the future. Keanu's brain upgrades to 160 gigabytes, and gets overloaded at 320. That's about what my phone handles now. They correctly pin Beijing as an origin point, but for some reason the big USA data hub is Newark. It takes a bit to unravel, and it never feels like a pressing point of the story, although in the end (SPOILER), it turns out that's what he's transporting, but the degenerative disease caused by too much interaction with technology is hard-handed but not altogether inaccurate as a metaphor for current life. It's amazing how fearful we were of this stuff in 1995.

It's ultimately an anti-technology film. Our heroes are a bunch of luddites, and the villains control the screens and internet. Again, I suppose that's not totally far off where we are today. This feels like a mash-up of a lot of films that did memory, technology, and internet better, like Blade Runner (1982), Total Recall (1990), and The Matrix all at once. It particularly feels like a warm-up to the latter, but that might just be because Keanu has a big presence.

The cast beyond Keanu is shocking. Ice-T shows up, nearly unrecognizable, except for his voice, as the leader of the Loteks, with big dreads and face tattoos. A little Battlefield Earth (2000)-y. Dolph Lundgren shows up as a maniacal cyborg killer preacher, who was apparently shoe-horned in by the studio for some reason. Udo Kier is Keanu's handler who dies very early on. And Dina Meyer from Starship Troopers (1997) shows up! She's ostensibly the love interest, but has enough of her own story and agency to feel necessary. Actually, it's not really like they hooked up in the end or saved her or anything. Isn't it weird that all these forgotten classics have progressive female roles...

There is also a big Yakuza presence. I didn't recognize any of the actors but Takeshi Kitano is a big bad with some depth, as he mourns the loss of his daughter and ultimately repents. It was like as if Palpatine, not Vader finds hope at the end. Denis Akiyama is his Vader and he has a cool laser whip that comes out of his thumb. There are all these hints that he "found a use for his disfigurement" and stuff, but it seemed pretty cool. He's a relentless villain and fun to watch.

Oh, and Henry Rollins is a cyberpunk scientist for some reason. He seems so miscast, like a Dr. Dolph Lundgren, ironically enough. But it somehow works. He brings a lot of bruh intensity and I enjoyed it quite a bit.

This whole movie is about Keanu trying to get this data out of his head, and he plays his character with a solid amount of angst. In the proto-Matrix way it seems like it took a while for him to zen out as Neo. But there are many Internet scenes, most notably this one:

First, I love how rare computers are in 2021. But this Internet...what more is there to say? Virtual reality was cool in the mid-90s, except for that it wasn't actually all that cool. I do wish we surfed the net like this today, though. It does visualize what essentially comes down to hacking in a visually interesting way, though, which is fun. I think that people just really couldn't wrap their 90s heads around becoming a wholly different person online represented by an avatar. Nowadays every neighborhood kid has a finsta catfishing their grandparents out of their hard-earned war bond money.

So, why didn't this work? Well, it certainly feels like a slightly expensive B-movie. Keanu's acting is more Bram Stoker than Matrix, the plot is a little clunky and complicated without great pay-off, although it's ultimately just a little derivative. It's fun that there's like three distinct villains who close in on them, and the sets are pretty fun and imaginative. The third act definitely drags and I felt myself nodding off. It's hard to keep this plate spinning.

Robert Longo is an artist who directed a few music videos, but this remains his solo movie effort. I wish he had done some more and proved himself with a bigger budget, especially when cinematic technology caught up to his vision. Because this movie is real weird and corny, but it's also fantastically creative and unique. It has a sincere Terry Gilliam Brazil (1985) feel with its practical sets, props, and costumes. I'd like to think this would be a solid candidate for a modern remake, at least one that invests in the characters and concepts while updating and streamlining the plot, adding pathos where it needs to be, and throwing some cash at better effects.

But also, the title is so hard to read and say. I have not once typed it in correctly. It's a bit of a shame that this is generally remembered as a worse version of The Matrix, but it's so true. That film came along and just did everything better, even down to the soundtrack. It's fun to watch us grapple with the Internet in the 90s, and although at the time this seemed like all hyperbole, a lot of this crap has come true, just in more subtle ways. Or not, our society is wrecked.

I generally liked this, it's probably worth watching if you like Keanu or 90s cyberpunk. It won't change your life, but it was an entertaining 96 minutes. On to the next one!

More 52 for '22 here!

Rambo: Ass Blood

Okay, okay - stay with me here. I saw Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (2019) and those impressions are probably coming soon, but one thing that really stuck with me was the trailer for Rambo: Last Blood (2019). Yeah, it looks terrible, but it got me thinking about stuff. Like, a lot of stuff, so here it is, Internet. Your first non-Pop music post all month. First, let's watch that again:



Trailer I guess has been out for a few months, but I haven't really caught it. For some reason it didn't seem to have a lot of buzz. I think that's wholly to do with what we're writing about today. John Rambo and Sly Stallone have fallen down that slippery hole of Old White Men Action Wish Fulfillment Fantasy Movies. Have you not heard of this trope? Well, let's say hi to our friend and originator of this whole deal, Nicholas Cage.

I first noticed The Cage dipping around Ghost Rider and NEXT in 2007. But that's really not that outrageous. Superhero movies were very much a thing and NEXT isn't all that ridiculous for where he was in his career.

But then suddenly Bangkok Dangerous (2008) turned into Knowing (2009) and Drive Angry (2011). The Cage descended into the realm of Netflix Streaming with one-word titles. Stolen (2012). Rage (2014). Arsenal (2017). The Trust (2016). The Trust is actually pretty good. In between he still had a handful of challenging, offbeat roles in Joe (2014), Army of One (2016), and Mandy (2018), but since then has churned out Outcast (2015), Pay the Ghost (2015), The Runner (2015), Between Worlds (2018), A Score to Settle (2019), Before Death (2019), and Against the Odds (2019). Those last two aren't even real.

A lot of these films have a similar theme. They're relatively cheap, Direct-to-DVD (or Direct-to-Streaming) films about a vengeful broken old white man avenging something. Probably a daughter. Cage is weird enough as an actor that some of these movies rise above the script and are watchable. Still, it felt like the start of a weird trend. Older actors, struggling to find relevance in their careers have increasingly turned to churning out this trash. And none are quite like Liam Neeson.

It started innocently enough. I even made a bit post about how Zeus dreamed he was Liam Neeson at night. It was all good and fun, but that was now seven years ago. He hasn't really turned back since. In fact, it seems like his real-life persona has doubled down on this insanity. A Walk Among the Tombstones (2014) is actually awesome, but certainly fits the mold of world-wearied white man avenging the women he's lost in his life. Again, there is a descent here. Taken 3 (2015), Run All Night (2015), The Commuter (2018), and Cold Pursuit (2019) all fit into this realm. I was actually pretty pumped for Cold Pursuit, because the trailer is bonkers and I have no idea what tone they're going for.



It's almost at the point of self-parody, except that it takes itself too seriously to ever dip into a true parody of the genre, which would in itself be somewhat inspired brilliance. Liam Neeson has proven to be a trailblazer for older dramatic actors finding renewed relevance. Enter John Cusack.

John Cusack. What the fuck, John Cusack. In a post-Hot Tub Time Machine (2010) world he has somehow become a Direct-to-VOD icon. Drive Hard (2014), The Prince (2014), Reclaim (2014), Arsenal (again!), Blood Money(2017), Singularity (2017). It's wish-fulfillment that Cusack fans can envision themselves reclaiming (no pun intended) some of their old world, prove their relevance, and rescue some daughters.

This doesn't stop here. Bruce Willis is killing VOD. Now, this is a man of action credentials, one of the biggest stars in the world. Why is he appearing in Extraction (2015), Marauders (2016), and Reprisal (2018). At this point, I would also like to say that if you've seen or even heard of any of these movies, I'm very impressed with you. I consider Willis among that Expendables "Big Three" that has a franchise to fall back on. For Bruce, it was Die Hard for a long time, but maybe even with A Good Day to Die Hard (2013) he realised he was sullying the good name and legacy of the franchise?

Sly Stallone seems to have no fear of this. He's more than happy to return to the Rambo or Rocky universes, although when he did the latter in Creed (2015) it was so artful and natural that he probably should have earned an Academy Award. That's high standards. But he also has his share of trash lately. Is Escape Plan becoming a franchise? There's a third one due out this year for some reason. Other than that he has Backtrace (2018) and Bullet to the Head (2012). Not too bad of a trash resume. You know, beyond the VOD Escape Plan movies he's making once a year for some reason.

Then there's Arnold. He's actually one person who stands out as different from all this. This video actually describes his rise and current career pretty well. I kind of think back to Last Action Hero (1993) as a sign that Schwarzenegger was always actually pretty canny about all this nonsense. He remains elevated by sticking to theatrically released movies, without descending into too much revenge fantasy. His return to the movies have been punctured with Sabotage (2014) and Aftermath (2017), but also Killing Gunther (2017) and Maggie (2015). None are very good, but at least weird and interesting.

He does keep going back to the Terminator well for some reason. That movie is just on another level blockbuster-wise than Rocky or Die Hard, though. There's just a more world-shaking stakes involved. Of course, there hasn't really been a good Terminator movie in over twenty years, but for some reason that franchise still has some goodwill. Well, maybe not after Genysis (2015). I can't see Dark Fate (2019) doing...well anything.

If we look at other old white actors who peaked in the 90s it's crazy how everyone has pretty much relied on their one franchise to now make in perpetuity. Tom Cruise settled on Mission: Impossible. Harrison Ford is turning out for new Indiana Jones and Star Wars, although the latter certainly doesn't revolve around his involvement. Keanu Reeves is the only one to say, "Screw that, I'm John Wick now!" and has made an iconic recurring role for himself deep in his 50s.

Since he has a movie coming out this weekend, let's take time to dive into this "Old White Actors Save Young Daughters" trope a little more with a movie that best epitomizes this concept: Jason Statham's Homefront (2013). This is a movie made explicitly to exploit middle white male American fears of losing control over what they've had control of for so very long: every aspect of their families lives and in many ways, the actual entire world itself. It's nice to go to these movies and see cranky fathers relevant and useful again, instead of some scary Latin American transsexual. Actually, I really want to see a Latin Transsexual action movie now.

There are quite a few more examples out there. Dolph Lundgren cranks them out. Frank Grillo gets into it. Check out Ethan Hawke in 24 Hours to Live (2017) or Antonio Banderas in Security (2017). This was just me scrolling through Netflix for two minutes. And I don't mean to totally trash direct-to-VOD movies. I saw Triple Frontier (2019) earlier this year and dug it. Sometimes the movies elevate beyond their sources. But I also think that the onslaught of cheap, emotionally exploitative White Man protection fantasies is distinctly correlated to our political climate. And not just Trumpism, but the underrated massive culture wars we're experiencing right now. It's tough to fight for your place in society, but it's got to be fun to watch John Cusack shoot some black drug dealers who kidnapped his daughter.

This brings us back to Rambo: Last Blood. It saddens me that Sly doesn't even seem to realize the satirical element and raw PTSD emotions of First Blood (1982). Rambo is now no better than anyone in Arsenal or The Prince. Oh well.

What do you think? Am I crazy or is this a disturbing trend? What kind of films will Chris Hemsworth be making in thirty years?

But Why is the Cat Named Keanu?

Today we see the first major comedy event of 2016 (besides Deadpool. And Zoolander 2. Okay, so this is the first explicit comedy film that people are actually anticipating). Here we have Keanu (2016), which comes from the brilliant minds of Jordan Peele and Keegan-Michael Key.

I will admit, though, that this is the cutest thing ever.

Now, the only part of the last sentence that I really agree with is that Keanu is coming out today. I do not understand the appeal of Key & Peele at all. If we're going back to Zoolander (2001), I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. I'm living in a universe full of insane pod people where my opinion doesn't match up with critical or popular consensus at all. So, let's talk about that.

Key & Peele met on MADtv, which ought to explain enough why this kind of humour doesn't really click. MADtv tended to be a more desperate version of SNL, although it didn't convert that underdog mantra into infectious energy like In Living Color or witty surrealism like The Kids in the Hall. It was always a show that never seemed to have anything interesting to say. This has of course plagued SNL at various times in its production, notably recently, but that show tends to be backed by a pedigree that glosses over its inconsistencies. MADtv was stupid without the self-awareness of being stupid vital to create that fulfilling gap which causes a deep enjoyment of a show in addition to spontaneous laughter.

Key & Peele suffered from a different ailment, namely the inability for the principal architects to create a sketch where something happens. I really gave the show a chance, too. I desperately tried to like this show. There's no reason why I should hate it as much as I do. The sketches are just intolerable. They tend to start with a good joke or premise and then pound it into the ground far past its expiration point. Basic writing dictates that a scene needs to have a starting point, a turn, then an ending that demonstrates some kind of change from the beginning. Obviously, this is weirder when applied to sketches. But if you look at some of the more famous sketches out there - "Cowbell" "Dead Parrot" "Rick James" all have some kind of joke build-up, acceleration of tension, and unexpected wit and subtlety even when the parrot joke should no longer be funny.

Key & Peele lacked all that. Half the show seemed to be them recounting other shows without any real critical insight. Now, that sounds pretty damned boring, but pop culture in itself isn't a joke. Jokes need to come from having some kind of spin or commentary, whether explicit or not. There are some sketches that work pretty well. "Family Matters." "A-a-ron." More often than not, though, I can't find any humour in their humour. Instead of penetrating and giving their work some excitement, they seem to find more comfort circling around the same topic until moving on.

Keanu promises to be an awfully weird movie. It's a telling extension of their brand that they'd center around the retrieval of a stolen gangster kitty, but given their common evisceration of black masculinity, it's fair game. It's also a movie that white people should be very comfortable with, which also seems to be a staple of their work.

Everything points to this being a single joke stretched over the course of an entire feature film, and I'm not sure that it'll hold up based on their track record. There's the possibility that the longform version of their humour will succeed, and both have proven themselves to be capable actors in other projects, ranging from Parks and Reaction, Childrens Hospital, to Fargo.

I also don't really understand why the cat is named "Keanu." Is it a John Wick (2014) thing, like it was supposedly-but-not-really spoofing? Jordan Peele has claimed that there wasn't much to it besides a delight in using names that only have one connotation. That whole thing is weird. Pretty goofy and cute, but kind of a weird love letter that's not a love letter to Keanu Reeves.

What do you think about Keanu? Are you on the Key & Peele bandwagon? Can you read more into their writing than I can? Leave it below.