NMW's Top Albums of the Two-Thousand Tweens!

We might not even do a 2019 music recap this year, but going back through this decade we have had some fantastic musical moments. As typical, I'd like to break this down into what I consider the only three big genres of music: POP, Hip-Hop, and Rock. Let's list our Top Three in each category (in order!):

POP:

Rainbow (2017) - Ke$ha



This was a revolutionary album by the Pop Queen. Yes - Pop Queen! Ke$ha sheds her greased up glitter persona for something more mature and soulful, but still full of her unique brand of energy. After a hellish few years she turns her tragedy into triumph without a single note of auto-tune to prove she has always had the legitimate vocal chops. She does and this is a bowlful of positive vibes where every track is a glamour bomb.

Bangerz (2013) - Miley Cyrus



2013 was peak Miley and with songs like "We Can't Stop" and "Wrecking Ball" at the forefront it seemed like this was just an obnoxious party album. She showed surprising maturity, though with a collection of heartfelt tracks that signaled maybe there's more to this girl than a wild partier. "Oh Darling", "Maybe You're Right", "Adore You" all make this album one I keep going to.

anti (2016) - Rihanna



Your #1 pop album of the decade, I could listen to this every day. Rihanna pours all her relationship angst into this with little care for song length, track listing, or anything to make a conventional pop album. The most bankable song is "Work" which blew up big, but there's a lot of drug-addled pain behind everything else. Drug-addled love, too. There is more of the latter and this album keeps thumping between Caribbean hymns, club beats, and guitar riffs to come together for a complete experience.

Hip-Hop:

To Pimp a Butterfly (2015) - Kendrick Lamar



Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City is a fantastic debut but part of it still has that stitched together, mixtape feel. TPAB blasted Kendrick onto the main scene as a tour de force of rap artistry for the current generation. I listened to this over and over again and it's one of the few albums that I have completely saved as a constant YouTube playlist. It's full of radio-friendly beats as well as the more biting politically conscious tracks that Kendrick has jumped ahead on.

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (2010) - Kanye



I listen to a lot of Kanye, and although I have typically leaned on Graduation, MBDTF may be his greatest album ever, and for sure this decade. There's a lot here. He spits ironic rhymes and wordplay motivated with both earnest goofiness and racial change. He tries new musical techniques like fusing dozens of voices on "All of the Lights." He expands length with "Runaway." He practically debuts Nicki Minaj with "Monster." It's a majestic achievement, fueled by a lot of his pre-Kardashian pain. It's a triumph.

Run the Jewels 2 (2014) - Run the Jewels



Every single track here is hot as hell. Never a mainstay until they landed "Legend Has It" in front of the Black Panther (2018) trailer, RTJ has been cranking out some of the best hip-hop tracks of the decade. The beats are the best around and Killer Mike's brutal bellow complements LP's acerbic fire like few rap duos out there. Their second album is their most defined, unencumbered by expectation or novelty. It's the best hip-hop album of the decade and maybe my favorite overall.

Rock:

Modern Vampires in the City (2013) - Vampire Weekend



This is weird to say, and correct me if my zeitgeist detector is off-base, but I feel like most of the decade transition sounded like Vampire Weekend. It's that twinkly kind of soft alt-rock that sounds emo except for the subject matter. This is their best album and one I keep going back to when I want to hear something that sounds like the early part of this decade. As is apparent, that statement makes me feel crazy because I don't believe it's a sentiment anyone else feels. What say you?

Pure Comedy (2017) - Father John Misty



Father John Misty launched with his first album, I Love You, Honeybear, which introduced his socially conscious folk rock attitude to the world, but he canonized his long form folk poetry with Pure Comedy. It's a scathing critique of just about everything evil in the world to the tune of humble folk beats. It'll make your head spin and also totally depressed and also totally happy.

Plastic Beach (2010) - Gorillaz



NMW's pick for the overall #1 album of the decade is one that launched nearly ten years ago. I've been a Gorillaz fan since the beginning (they're just about the only band whose every album I own). Plastic Beach traded the haunts of Demon Days for sunshiny island tunes, but stirred it with a corroded chemical bath that gives the entire optimism an maladious subtext. The entire album pumps with this and it's one of the most coherent and thematically consistent I've ever heard or have yet to hear. It's the best.

Goodbye 2016: Music - Sing Song All Long!

And then we came to the musical part of the show. Like television, I will freely self-admit to not having listened to every song there is this year. For some reason even though I'm usually well in tune to the audial world, I actually think that music was lacking a bit this year. Nothing really stood out, which made it easy for David Bowie and Radiohead to dominate where they probably wouldn't have any other year. It's also been such a Beyonce year, although I'm not convinced that all her work was the best of the year. I know, the Beygency is coming for me soon. So what was good to hit the ears in 2016? Keep reading, my young ward and find out:

Songs of 2016:

"Sorry" by Justin Bieber
"Same Old Love" by Selena Gomez
"Stressed Out" by twenty one pilots
"Formation" by Beyonce
"Roses" by The Chainsmokers
"My House" by Flo Rida
"Hands to Myself" by Selena Gomez
"Work" by Rihanna ft. Drake
"Me, Myself, & I" by G-Eazy ft. Bebe Rexha
"Cake by the Ocean" by DNCE
"Love Yourself" by Justin Bieber
"Dark Necessities" by Red Hot Chili Peppers
"7 Years" by Lukas Graham
"I Took a Pill in Ibiza" by Mike Posner
"Dangerous Woman" by Ariana Grande
"Work from Home" by Fifth Harmony
"Panda" by Desiigner
"Don't Let Me Down" by The Chainsmokers ft. Daya
"One Dance" by Drake
"Ophelia" by the Lumineers
"Can't Stop the Feeling" by Justin Timberlake
"Cheap Thrills" by Sia
"Send My Love (To Your New Lover)" by Adele
"Closer" by The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey
"Heathens" by twenty one pilots
"Gold" by Kiiara
"Broccoli" by D.R.A.M. ft. Lil' Yachty
"I Hate U, I Love U" by Gnash
"24K Magic" by Bruno Mars
"Starboy" by The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk
"Side to Side" by Ariana Grande ft. Nicki Minaj
"Juju on that Beat" by Zay Hilifigerrr
"Black Beatles" by Rae Sremmund
"Bad Things" by Camila Cabello ft. Machine Gun Kelly

Here is a Summer Jam refresher.

Artist of the Year

It's really hard to zero in on one artist since so many had such spectacular years. The Chainsmokers are now the face of horrible EDM, although they produced some legitimate great jams this year. Twenty one pilots is now the face of rock, even if most of their non-"Heathens" tracks are garbage, but that one's the best thing to come out of Suicide Squad (2016). Sia cemented herself atop the pantheon of pop greats, and Fifth Harmony proved that they have more staying power than other terrible girl pop bands of late such as Little Mix. Rihanna produced a slew of hits and an incredible album, but none seemed to have traction. So who are we left with?

Shit - is it Beyonce? Even though her sister, Solange produced a likely equally as great album, Beyonce, if she didn't get the most sales or #1 hits, it sure felt like that. That's the power of the Beyonce brand. She wasn't actually as successful as any of the above artists, but it totally feels that way. 2016 will more often be remembered for the power of Beyonce, even if "Hold Up" was listened to the same amount as "Purple Rain" was this year. And I'm still sticking to my introductory note that Beyonce wasn't the best artist of 2016, but she was probably the greatest.

Song of the Year:

"Cheap Thrills" by Sia



I stuck the Sean Paul version in the Summer Jam Countdown all summer, but let's throw up the Maddie Zeigler version here. This video is probably better, but I think I actually like Sean Paul's mindless treacle cutting in the remix. Anyway, robbed of Summer Queen status, "Cheap Thrills" dominated this year, and somehow I can still get pumped up to listen to it. That's a rare feat these days, especially considering this was the first great song I noticed on This is Acting when it dropped in January. Yep. Listen to this track for a year straight and love it more each time you hear it. That, for me, was 2016 in a nutshell, and no song was better with near equal commercial pedigree.

Other Singles of the Year:

For whatever reason this year was extremely rap-heavy. There's just a lot of great samples going on right now, with artists following Fetty Wap's deconstruction and casualization of the genre, which actually makes the whole enterprise more listenable and lovable, while preserving common tropes. There were some good rock songs that snuck their way in, but here we go:

"No Problem" by Chance the Rapper ft. Lil Wayne & 2 Chainz the hook is a dream and it's impressive to see Lil Wayne finally on a song that doesn't suck. This isn't the best song from Coloring Book, but certainly the catchiest
"We the People..." by A Tribe Called Quest says everything we want to in a Trump's America in a 90s package that never flinches from the statement they try to make. Also that beat will cut you up.
"Black Beatles" by Rae Sremmund ft. Gucci Mane may have become popular during mannequin challenges, but this floaty song embodies everything about modern rap. It's a party anthem, chill anthem, think piece anthem - everything at once. I called out Rae Sremmund for SremmLife last year, and he may yet prove to be legit.
"Kiss it Better" by Rihanna it was tough to pick one of Rihanna's singles, but this already one of the tracks from ANTI that stood out to me when I listened to it twelve times this summer. This is the showiest non-"Work" track on the album that offers a more abstract look at the complicated emotions of love and regret than anything else this year
"On the Way" by TWENTY88 I feel like no one cared about the best collabo of the year - Jhene Aiko and Big Sean's Twenty88, but this is the sexiest song of the year. No eating the booty like groceries, but I couldn't get enough of this.
"Fade" by Kanye West is my favourite single off The Life of Pablo, and that's not just because I get to watch Teyana Taylor every time it pops up. That growing thumping "Mysteries of Love" bass line (exaggerated to where it should be here) is exquisite and it vocally disguises the fact that it's even a Kanye song, even if the sampling gives it away.
"Way Down We Go" by Keleo listen, I did dig a few rock songs this year. Keleo's probably the best new rock group to emerge this year, badass enough to play inside Volcanos. Fuck yeah.
"Sound of Silence" by Disturbed cover of the year.
"Million Reasons" by Lady GaGa, whose album also seemed to be passed over this year, but was full of great genre-crossing country twinged tracks like this one. There's a lot more passion and emotion in this than any other pop or rock track this year, and it walks that beautiful line between up tempo thrillmaker and downtrodden tearmaker. GaGa always finds a way on to this re-cap, and even though it feels like she's past the point in her career where she cares about making big pop anthems,

Best Albums of the Year:

POP

I generally enjoy splitting up this category between the three mega-genres of Pop, Rock, and Hip-Hop, which I suppose is weird. We don't split films up between Action, Comedy, and Drama. Although perhaps we should...anyway, the popular pick here is Lemonade, which I'll say again, didn't really do anything for me. The runner-up is Sia's This is Acting, but I totally dug Rihanna's ANTI non-stop this year, which is also my general pick for ALBUM OF THE YEAR.

Everything about this is knocked out of the park. It's truly an album that seeks to buck the trend of a lot of pop stars, and even Rihanna's own career. Songs start and stop without much care or pretension of dropping singles ("Work" is the only custom-made hit, which is unarguably awesome), no one cares about hooks or marketability, but the melodies are still catchy and engrossing as hell. It's about the splinters of love and the craziness of falling in and out of relationships more consistently than Lemonade without the added baggage of Jay-Z or Blue Ivy Carter getting in the way. Even the album cover forgoes containing either the album's or Rihanna's name. It was the first double-platinum album of 2016, and another block in the impossible fact that Rihanna DESTROYS every other contemporary pop artist.

Best Tracks: "Kiss It Better," "Same Old Mistakes", "Love on the Brain"

ROCK

I alluded to this earlier, but it seemed like a real down year for Rock and Roll. David Bowie's Blackstar which dropped last January immediately prior to his death served as an elegant swan song to one of the greatest legends of rock, but doesn't really compare to Pin Ups or Diamond Dogs. That's perhaps unfair, but it's kind of crazy that the most universally acclaimed 2016 Rock Album isn't even that artist's greatest Rock Album. Then again, who am I to judge, I'm here saying it's the top for me, too. Bowie milks the age of his voice rather than tries to do anything he's done before, which is also a very Ziggy thing to do. It pounds away and gives glimpses of a man accepting and cradling death, which we enjoyed ironically for two days, then in an entirely new light from January 10th on. Out of everyone lost in 2016, that one still hurts pretty bad.

Best Tracks: "Lazarus", "Girl Loves Me", "Dollar Days"

HIP-HOP

Jeez, Hip-Hop, how did you drop so many great albums this year? I dig The Life of Pablo the more I listen to it, but it feels too much like the kind of 2016 Kanye West had - frazzled, rushed, insane, and exotic. I cited "Fade" earlier, and do want to mention the strength of "Ultralight Beam" - but this is the stuff he mastered in "All of the Lights" off of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy that kind of falls apart here.

We already mentioned the strength of Coloring Book, but that album just doesn't stand out enough to me. That's a collection of really good tracks with one or two great ones that never pushes itself over the edge. I was also close to awarding this to Frank Ocean's Blonde which I love for "Nikes" that starts to explore this quantum state of cultural dissonance that's probaly the most beautiful album thematically of the year, but the beats just aren't there. And this is Hip-Hop. You need beats.

Hence The Impossible Kid. Aesop Rock's masterpiece, realized in a 48-minute long tribute to The Shining (1980), it stands out as an epic strain of thought by one of our greatest underrated rappers. The beats combine a lot of modern funk with Aesop's brutal flow to create a musical trip full of ups and downs but with awesome a plenty. The lyrics and rhymes crush it more than anything else this year, which seems like a lost art in modern hip-hop. This is what the game is all about.

Best Tracks: "Rings", "Dorks", "Supercell", "Shrunk"

Top Videos of the Year:



OK, it's Lemonade. Just...all of Lemonade. Go find it on Tidal. Or HBO. There's no one else revolutionizing the video format, or hell, even the release format that Queen Bey is doing right now. There's so much wrapped up in this. Obviously, there's a weird renegade cheating thing, but without much other context or commentary we're left to postulate where exactly lies the intersection between art and reality. There's a lot to unpack here, perhaps no place better than in "Formation" where Beyonce proudly reminds every that she's black, proud of it, and owns a culture she would have appeared to left behind. Bey in that black hat may also be the best music image of the year.

There were some other good bits this year, although none quite spectacular. I really dig DJ Shadows ft. Run the Jewels "Nobody Speak," which riffs on the "old white people rapping" trope better than it's ever been done, where words and action are so inexorably linked, with passionate focus and demonstrated motivation from these anonymous diplomats. Not only is it suddenly an apt parable for our current political system, but an epic sync of an old gimmick.

Finally, it feels like we made it another year with another gimmick-y but astutely difficult OK GO video that I totally tried to resist listing here, but when those anti-grav paint balloons pop it's still a cool moment. Fine. Here you go.

In the end I suppose I paid more attention to music in 2016 than I thought. That was a lot to go through. What did you listen to, and what will you always remember from the Year 2016?

SUMMER JAM 2016: THE CROWNLESS AGAIN IS KING!!!!

We've finally wrapped up another Season of Summer Jams and it's with a heavy lopsided heart that we bury our hope and love for another long Winter. We've been tracking Summer Jams in general since 2007, and pretty in-depth (that is - week by week since 2010). In that time through a tricky combination of radio play, Billboard success, and general "what-I-feel-like-talking-about-ness" I've recounted the hottest of the hottest jams each week. Before we dig into the greatest jams this summer, let's again recount previous winners:

2007: "Umbrella" by Rihanna
2008: "Bleeding in Love" by Leona Lewis
2009: "I Gotta Feeling" by The Black Eyed Peas
2010: "California Gurls" by Katy Perry
2011: "Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO ft. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock
2012: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen
2013: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell
2014: "Fancy" by Iggy Azalea ft. Charlie XCX
2015: "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon

These tracks aren't without controversy. "Blurred Lines" is a pretty awful mar and I'd rather remember 2013 for "Get Lucky." 2014 will always be a debate between Iggy's "Fancy" or "Problem" with Ariana Grande. Finally, last year Walk the Moon really nabbed the title but felt so much more like a Spring Song. It was kind of an April to July thing, and I still feel like Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" as more indicative of the season and zeitgeist. It'll make you happy to hear that we're really not without controversy this year, either. First, let's talk all the songs we tracked this year:

At some point or another we discussed 47 different songs, which is actually somehow ten less than last year. We can break this up into many different tiers, but there's only a few worth talking about. Let's start with Jams 18-9:

"Bored to Death" by Blink 182
"All in My Head" by Fifth Harmony
"Dangerous Woman" by Ariana Grande
"Cold Water" by Major Lazer ft. Justin Bieber, MO
"Closer" by The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey
"Love Yourself" by Justin Bieber
"Don't Mind" by Kent Jones
"Work From Home" by Fifth Harmony
"Make Me..." by Britney Spears ft. G-Eazy
"7 Years" by Lukas Graham

So let's now jump into the REAL list - the TOP EIGHT FINAL SUMMER JAMS!!!

#8: "Don't Let Me Down" by The Chainsmokers ft. Daya



Weeks on the List: 4
Peak: #2 on 06/20

This track never really went away, appearing during Week 1 and Week 14, with some spots in between. While it was ubiquitous, it wasn't really that good or interesting of a song, and seemed largely relegated to background noise rather than something to really get pumped up about. Still, it broke through once each in May, June, July, and August, which is a damn impressive feat.

#7: "Ophelia" by The Lumineers



Weeks on the List: 5
Peak: #1 on 05/30

A sane person probably wouldn't have touted this track so loudly, but for some reason I just kept hearing it, and I still dig the tune quite a bit, so it wormed itself in my life this summer. I can only assume it did the same for you, loyal reader. It had a nice streak of three weeks in a row very early on, then fell off for a bit before returning in the middle of July. The track was catchy as hell and one reason why it kept crawling back is because it's the kind of jam you hum all day, even if it didn't really blow up in any sort of big pop-y way.

#6: "This is What You Came For" by Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna



Weeks on the List: 5
Peak: #1 on 08/22

This should have really been the Summer of Rihanna (a whopping nine years after she already won with "Umbrella"), but despite dropping three different singles that we tracked, nothing seemed to be that sticky. Still, this cookie cutter Calvin Harris track proved to be an outlet for her voice, even if it's more innocuous and expected than her work off of ANTI, which is admittedly and decidedly non-commercial anyway. This was sort of like a partner to "Don't Let Me Down" in the sense that it was just another random EDM hit without much to set it apart that just always felt in the background this summer. It did some damage in July, fell off, then came back in a big way near the end of August.

#5: "Panda" by Desiigner



Weeks on the List: 5
Peak: #1 on 06/13

For a while there it looked like "Panda" would be THE song to beat ,but after a very strong five consecutive weeks in May and June it fell off a bit. It's still a pretty fun song, and although it may not have become the "Trap Queen" I can bet Desiigner wanted it to be, it's still got a little legacy going for it. There were many other weeks I just barely left it off the List, but we obviously needed room for "Dance Off" and "Milk $."

#4: "Send My Love (To Your New Lover)" by Adele



Weeks on List: 6
Peak: #1 on 08/08

This is possibly an odd bedfellow to pair with "Panda" but they actually had the exact same score this Summer when all was tallied up and done. Its best streak was only three weeks in a row, but it ascended each week when it shot to #1 in early August. It made other appearances from June to mid-August, and although it didn't quite match up with some of Adele's other efforts, namely 2011's "Rolling in the Deep" that earned a strong #2 overall, or last Autumn's "Hello" which dominated about everything, this ended up a somewhat unlikely contender that got lost in the shuffle more than over the hump.

#3: "One Dance" by Drake ft. WizKid, Kyla



Weeks on List: 8
Peak: #1 on 06/20, 07/04 - 07/11

Seven consecutive weeks on the List was the longest streak of any song this Summer and for much of the first half appeared to be dueling hard with or eventual winner. While it ruled July, though, it fell off by the mid-point and couldn't ever really recover, despite being close a few times. It ultimately just broke a little too early. I'm also curious why it was such a short song, never really had a music video that caught on, and had such a good verse out of Kyla without much from Drake. Kind of like Adele, he crushed the Fall with "Hotline Bling" and this just never hit that same culture-ruling hot point.

#2: "Cheap Thrills" by Sia ft. Sean Paul



Weeks on List: 9
Peak: #1 on 07/25 - 08/01, 09/05

"Cheap Thrills" broke late, not appearing until seven weeks into Summer, but after that appeared on nine out of the remaining eleven weeks, not really even slowing down for Labor Day. It's my pick for personal favourite summer song and I'll freely ooze bias to say that I wish it had clinched victory. This will be like "Bad Blood" was last year - just a song that's way more indicative of 2016 than the actual winner and one that I'll give a spiritual victory for years and years from now.

#1: "Can't Stop the Feeling" by Justin Timberlake



Weeks on List: 9
Peak: #1 on 06/06, 06/27, and 07/18

Listen, I'm glad JT finally has a Summer Jam under his belt and he's really the first established artist to win since Katy Perry in 2010. Still, among JT songs, where does this rank? Like, can you even call it Top 10? After all the points were tallied, it edged "Cheap Thrills" by two points, which isn't all that significant, but a win's a win. It certainly peaked while dueling "One Dance" in the first half of the Season, but unlike Drake, JT never really went away, appearing nine times over a thirteen-week period, all the way until late August. I knew it had won sometime in mid-July when it was still crushing weeks after Drake dropped out, but no part of me feels particularly great about that, especially considering how likely Trolls (2016) is going to bomb. I mean, do you honestly really think of "Can't Stop the Feeling" when you think Summer 2016? I struggled to remember the title even today. After this and Walk the Moon I may have to reevaluate my shoddy haphazard counting method. Maybe.

So that's it for Summer 2016! What do you think? Which jams did we snub? "Dark Necessities"? "Ride"? "Heathens"? "Pill in Ibiza"? Let us know below!

Summer Jam 2016 Week 15: Love in the Air

Like or not you little monsters Summer is winding down. We're at the fringes of Hot Jams at this point, and while there's some strong cases to be made out of a lot of early front runners, all these late-breaking studs are certainly getting thorny. This week is all about love, baby, so sink your toes in and let it drip up your leg:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Welcome to Your Life" by Grouplove



I love a little Grouplove, who drops a really chill yet engaging jam once every few years. "Tongue Tied" did some nice damage a few years back, and while this track isn't nearly as catchy as that one or their other smash, "Ways to Go", it does its job. It actually seems to start off stronger than it climaxes, which is a little disappointing, but it's a fun casual track for right now.

Second Hot Jam of the Week: "Real Love Baby" by Father John Misty

I couldn't really decide which Hot Jam to slather up with, but here's the latest by the indie pop-folk-rock master Father John Misty. I'm a big fan of his ironic detached folk view of America, and while this jam floats more than some of his more stagnant work, it's nonetheless poignant. Can this really make a case to be a mainstream Summer Jam? What do you want to hear from me? No.

How Low Can You Go? "Cheap Thrills" by Sia

It's got a good beat and you can dance to it! Yes, we've covered this before. "Cheap Thrills" is still out there and although it's #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, its presence isn't nearly as cuttingly fresh as it was a few weeks ago. It's still a really hard track to get sick of, though. I'd be curious if it can parlay its hanging around into a legit run at the Throne. That'd be one spectacular feat.

Down the Well: "Send My Love" by Adele

This is a lot like "Cheap Thrills" - it's novelty has washed away but it's definitely still hanging around and worth talking about. I don't even know what kind of song this is, actually. It's not really a dance song. Well, I suppose you could awkwardly gyrate around, but this ain't really a clubthumper. It's not even really a headphones workout song or a casual party background song. It's really just pure Adele, which is awesome in itself. Same as "Cheap Thrills" again, this jam as proven itself to be a force to be reckoned with and could rack up some serious late summer points.

A Little More Action: "Into You" by Ariana Grande

I can't really figure out Ariana Grande. I'm generally a fan, but she's also so damn awkward. She also doesn't really distinguish her voice above mindless generic pop. Maybe that's why she's reasonably successful - she's become our pop default. At the same time, she's got a ridiculous vocal range and some genuine acting skills, neither of which she tends to display. Whatever. This track is alright and I dig its sexiness when it starts ramping up before it descends into cliché.

It's Britney Bitch: "Make Me..." by Britney Spears ft. G-Eazy

I don't know if we'll ever remember this track as one of Britney's great tracks, but it's certainly made more of an effort to be one than anything else she's put out in years. At least since "Scream and Shout." I've kind of gotten more into this since it dropped last month without a real amount of goodwill or appeal. I think it can surge if it wants to, although I'm still fascinated by Britney's now reliance on that third-verse rap that's more common with peon wannabes than what the Diva used to throw down. Still, G-Eazy's a good choice. You know, when I was covering "I Mean It" years ago I never thought he'd be relevant on Britney songs.

Run the Tap: "Cold Water" by Major Lazer ft. Justin Bieber & MO

Major Lazer is a bit too good of a DJ (read: Diplo, I suppose) to make a beat this generic for the Biebs, but this track seems to be climbing after treading water for weeks after its debut. It's definitely not that great for a Major Lazer track, and even kind of sucks for what Bieber's been dropping lately, but it's here. If it can maintain a high position suddenly it's in the Summer Jam conversation, although that's more how weak these months have been.

Again?! "This Is What You Came For" by Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna

For the second week in a row Calvin Harris and Rihanna are near the top of the List, although this time only one of her jams has made it. It's kind of an unlikely rise, as if she just patiently waited for every other terrible Justin Timberlake song to burn out and then struck when our ears were weak. It's been climbing some charts as well, which is odd, to say the least. I'm not one to believe that its position is sustainable, but for now suddenly it's making its case.

Next week...

I narrowly left the Suicide Squad (2016) anthem "Heathens" off this list, and it's always a possibility it returns. Other than that, honestly "One Dance" and "Can't Fight the Feeling" (or is it "Can't Stop the Feeling"? I still can't remember) are still hanging around and could pop back in next week if the slate is week. We've only got two more weeks, people! Who will be named the King or Queen of Summer 2016?! Keep reading to find out!

Summer Jam Week 1: LE TIT BEGIN!

We've finally made it, people. For the seventh (SEVENTH) consecutive summer we'll be taking a moment out of your week each and every week to countdown the hottest, blistiest, bustiest, tightest jams around. Only the tastiest beats may apply. More often than not this really just comes down to the eight songs I was into the most that week. And yet this is the most important countdown you'll get. By far. We put vH1, Billboard, and your grandma's stereo to shame.

For last year's results, which I will probably totally retcon, because a year out I couldn't even remember the name of my named winner (it was Walk the Moon - ugh), click here. When you're done with that, prepare yourself to press on for seventeen weeks of mind-blowing inane riffings on pop music. DIG IN, cowboy!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Kiss It Better" by Rihanna



This video dropped a while ago, but I just heard it on the radio this week so here you go. Like I said, this list only features the most modern, up-to-date fresh jams available. This is just getting started, though, and I'm pumped. I was really really obsessed with Anti back in February, 2016, and this was my second favourite jam off the album (to "Same Ol' Mistakes" obvi). I wanna see this jam rip up summer because Rihanna is underrated as one of the most original and independent artists out there, who totally actually outsells everyone over her lifetime.

What Ever Happened to Pop Punk? "Bored to Death" by Blink 182

It died a slow, painful death. I can't really pretend that I like Blink 182 anymore, although I totally dug them from 1998-2002. I have three of their albums. They're really a pretty awful band and I thought they broke up, but whatever. This jam is really forgettable, but has nice timing to take on summer, fulfilling the ass-blasting niche that no one has been terrible enough to fill since they became irrelevant years ago. Again, I have three of their albums.

Cover of the Week: "The Sound of Silence" by Disturbed

Oldie but a goodie. Okay, I just wanted to rant about this. How good and random is this jam. Great for summer parties. All night long, baby! No better way to crush some pussy on the beach, playa!!! Now, for reals, this is somehow an incredible cover, mostly on the extreme change in vocal timbre, since much of the rhythm and instrumentation remains fairly similar. Gets me pumped though. Crushin' dick on the beach, playaaaa!!

Canadian Bacon: "One Dance" by Drake ft. Kyla & Wizkid

This is the kind of song that I need to check seven times to make sure I got the featured artists right. Drake is boosted this week by a pretty competent SNL hosting gig, and even though it's the #1 jam on the Hot 100 right now, this really hasn't invaded my life like "Hotline Bling" did to everyone in the world last Halloween. It's still a sexy jam, though, and we'll leave it here. For now. I'm not that convinced this is something we're going to keep coming back to all summer.

From the Roof of Apple Records: "Don't Let Me Down" by The Chainsmokers ft. Daya

You really should listen to the Beatles single, which is a way better version of this song. One of my favourite Beatles tracks, and I should know - I turned the second track on Rubber Soul into the name of this blog. Upon my second or third listen, though I think this isn't a cover but rather an original track. Lame. This is as good and catchy as EDM gets, and although it's really not the best Chainsmokers song, or even their best song of the past year, it could have some legs. Maybe.

Poppin Like Doc Venture: "Pill in Ibiza" by Mike Posner

This track is definitely a few weeks into its lifetime and we probably won't see it past June or so, but I think it hold strong until then. It's kind of a cool ethereal song that I actually find myself getting into. I don't think it ever gets as good as that first humming lyric, but Posner just rides it for the entire track. The beat is as forgettable as any non-Major Lazer EDM jam, but people like this crap (like I said, even I'm addicted), so it can stretch quite a bit.

This is Your Life: "7 Years" by Lukas Graham

This is kind of a weird track and Lukas Graham looks like he's 14, but it's pretty damn catchy and this boy can sing. That's really the only formula you need. It's distinctive, heartfelt, and invigorating. It's also been around for a few weeks to establish itself, but I think that will help it for these first few weeks more than anything.

Hand Action: "Love Yourself" by Justin Bieber

So, if 2016 accomplishes anything, it accomplished the first time that I unironically loved a Justin Bieber song. This is fucking incredible. I love the muted sarcasm, the confident break-up anthem, and smooth, pared down melody to coo along with really biting but honestly clever lyrics. It exists in a bit of a tonal quagmire because of its inherent negativity but the loose edginess it has offers sublime sing-a-long-ability. While the video is cool and interesting, I wish it matched with the lyrics on a more thematic level instead of just dropping hints at coherence. Your first #1 of Summer is something I think could make a solid dent, even if it's absolute freshness has probably peaked. But hey - "Shut Up and Dance."

Next week...

All of these songs we'll keep our eyes on, but it's about guaranteed that I stop talking about Disturbed. Ariana Grande, Meg Trainor, and Fifth Harmony all have some solid jams either bopping right nor or coming down the pipe. More than that, if Beyoncé can spin something really momentous off of Lemonade she can have a fearsome summer. I think her issue right now is exclusivity. Catering only to HBO and/or TIDAL supporters is a rough business. "Sorry" is alright, but I don't think that's her real hook, either. Stay tuned each and every Monday morning for your dose of HOT JAM!

Summer Jam Week 11: Rihanna, Cashin Out, and Let's Throw in Some Batman

Folks, it's been a tragic couple of days in the Entertainment world. The shootings in a movie theater in Colorado have marred the premiere of the Summer's Biggest (and probably best) Film. It's a terrible act and for what it's worth, the heart of Norwegian Morning Wood goes out to the victims and their families.

How are we supposed to talk about bubbly ridiculous pop hits amidst this sobering tragedy? We have to move on while acknowledging its magnitude - lest the psychos of the world win. Needless to say, this is Bat-Weekend, and the impact of The Dark Knight Rises (2012) is already rising above any other film before it in recent memory.

Hot Track of the Week: "My Homeis Still" by Lil Wayne ft. Big Sean



This is a bizarre vid, but certainly bouncing enough to make a good run as a Summer Jam. It's not really that memorable of a track, but Big Sean lays down his typical thing the way he should here. More than anything it seems to be an ode to Wayne's love for purple drank and having desolate goofy panda parties. Sounds like Summer to me.

Cheddar Burning: "Cashin' Out" by Ca$h Out

This song is perhaps egregiously stupid, but is picking up some buzz, perhaps because of how many times Ca$h Out screams his own name, which is also a call to action. What does that mean, cashing out, actually - like, exchanging your chips at a casino? Or paying your bar tab? No one really cares about the meanings of rap slang anymore. Well, I guess they never did. I just hope he changes his name for each subsequent single he releases in what will certainly surely be a long and illustrious artistic career.

Summer Smoochems: "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove

This track is hanging in there as a nice Summer Melody. It's held on fairly well for an track that's more alternative than it is pop, and its idle make-out anthem fits a summer bang session perfectly. Still, the song isn't really that huge, and by no means is it guaranteeing Grouplove, who has had some nice songs, a bountiful future, not even into next week.

If Foreheads Could Kill: "Where Have You Been" by Rihanna

This jam has been around for a while but really seemed to peak this week into relevancy. It's not that exceptional or distinctive for a Rihanna song, but it does its job in that it has found its way innocuously into the background of our lives just about everywhere. It won't last that long or get too huge, but for now it's a nice addition to the Rihanna oeuvre.

Blowin Up: "Whistle" by Flo Rida

Flo is turning out to have a pretty decent year, even if none of his songs are reaching the status of "Low." I mean, Step Up 2: The Streets (2008) was a powerful force back in the day. I still think Flo Rida's career is pretty interesting. He barely has a brand personality or a really distinctive following like rappers like Kanye, Snoop, or hell, even Soulja Boy. He still fills a gap in the market, though.

White Folks Cough it Up: "Till I Die" by Chris Brown ft. Big Sean & Wiz Khalifa

The most in-demand track of the moment, "Till I Die" remains the get high anthem of the summer and presents the goofier side of Chris Brown. A ruse to hide his status as a Woman Beater? Very likely. The flow of this jam is so crisp and the party-fueled lyrics infused with a quite a bit of wit makes it a worthwhile hit. It hasn't really reached spectacular jam status yet, but it ought to.

WiFi Hotspot: "Payphone" by Maroon 5 ft. Wiz Khalifa

The fusion between hip-hop and pop rock provides interesting precedent for future collabos, but this song still sucks. It's possible that Adam Levine peaked with "Iran So Far Away." All I know is that I'm getting sick of trashing Maroon 5 every week (read: I'm running out of criticism), and this jam needs to peter out. That's unlikely to happen any time soon, though.

Call for a Good Time: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

Somehow this little Princess of Canada has truly landed here in the States. The jam is everywhere and at this point is really looking like the Champion of Summer lest something drastic takes place. Not only that, but her sophomore effort on Owl City's track is also picking up. It's a big question right now whether she becomes a low-level pop starlet like Demi Lovato, a living joke like Justin Bieber, or can transform the enormity of this jam into a successful career. My guess is we'll know by Fall.


Bonus of the Week:
Rise:



Because who doesn't want to rock out to a bit of one of the best-scored blockbusters in decades this week? Higher points for headbanging in an Desert Hole Prison to Bane's Chant.

Next Week...

We're getting to the End of July already, and believe it or not, that means that Summer is moving quietly towards its conclusion. Considering this is the Final Summer we'll ever have before the World ends in December, are we really going to let Carly Rae Jepsen take the reigns? Meh, why not. There's plenty of room for some hits to grow yet and we'll see how it all ends up shaking out.

First Impressions: Battleship

Oh, Battleship. What an OK game to play in my youth. I'd shout "B5!" and someone else would answer back "Miss!" And that was all there was for centuries. In the last few weeks though, we've seen this simple and fairly stupid game get a $209 million movie treatment, replete with Aliens, protagonists struggling to find their way, and of course, Rihanna. I, however, will not join the bandwagon in condemning this film - I actually sincerely believe it is one of the better films of Summer so far, an underrated gem that whose reputation will grow with age. Like Starship Troopers (1997) or Josie and the Pussycats (2001) before it, this is a hiddenly subversive film that mashes together Sci-Fi and Action film tropes, liberates the story from their need, and rests itself on higher ground than many other more common Blockbusters. For sure, plenty of SPOILERS will start here so if you are one of the half-dozen people out there who actually still plan on watching Battleship (2012) and enjoying it for yourself, leave now.

Pilgrims and Indians

Let's start with the big picture - the Alien Invasion. Except of course for the fact that this isn't an Alien Invasion at all. Numerous times in the film characters allude to the parallels between the Aliens touching down and the first European Settlers coming to America. Unable to work through their differences, the Europeans and some tribes of Native Americans went to war, which with their technological superiority, the Europeans came out triumphant. This is the major fear of the characters involved in Battleship - that their planet will be overrun by Aliens seeking to conquer them. This is naturally the built up suspicion from a lifetime of ingesting Sci-Fi stories like Battleship's contemporaries such as The Avengers (2012) and Men in Black 3 (2012).

That's not really the case here, though. The Aliens do not attack any humans unless the humans are aggressive first. It's also notable that humanity contacted them first, and when they arrived they are met with gunfire, suspicion, and destruction. They're also not an all-powerful race with super-strong armor like in the Transformers franchise, even a WWII Battleship puts some sizable dents in their best ride. Because of this, their communication ship goes down when it crashes into a satellite, accidentally landing in the middle of Hong Kong. This is misinterpreted by the humans as a threat, but really, the Aliens lost an integral part of their operation - probably their only ticket home.

We're conditioned to believe that these things are bad. The Aliens, though, are actually not all that different from Humans in their design, they're big fleshy, pale-skinned dudes with eyes and noses and lips and teeth. They don't mean to harm other than when defending themselves (and perhaps giving Oahu a little Shock and Aww) and they act fairly like a stranded group of survivors would. Think of a little Black Hawk Down (2001) and you can understand what these things are trying to do - it really upends the whole premise.

Within this idea there have been complaints that Battleship rips off a ton of source material, from Transformers, to Titanic (1997) and Pearl Harbor (2001), it's easy to see that it's playing with tropes rather than trying to steal from them and stand on its own. It outright makes fun of its own dialogue and the zaniness of the first half-hour establishes Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) as the opposite of any "Destined Hero." In fact, the ending does the same.

Speaking of Taylor Kitsch...

This poor guy has know starred in two of the biggest flops of the year, if not some of the more famous of all time. What kind of career is this cat going to have? It's not like he hasn't done a great job. He plays well into that reluctant but brilliant rebel, sort of like a dirtier version of Chris Pine's Kirk from Star Trek (2009). He has a nice dose of irreverence, attitude, and capability that makes him a unique and engaging star.

Still, neither John Carter (2012) nor Battleship had any faith in his star power even though he's at the center of both films, not the effects and hackneyed legacy, to which the marketing of both hitched their wagons to. That's one of both these flicks' major problems - they're pretty good, entertaining, cinematic originals because the spectacle tried to outrun the story, even though the story was pretty solid in both. This of course leads us to...

The Marketing Failure

The issue with Battleship doesn't lie in the film itself. It lies in a marketing campaign that was so totally off base that it laughed away any serious attention. It didn't put anyone in a frame of mind to critically examine a new kind of action film with a cool premise and an authentic array of characters. There's a bit of irony here. The world expected a rip-off of Transformers films and avoided this one - although people never seemed to avoid that series at all. This is yet ironic, because Battleship is far more original than any Transformers film because it had to invent its own narrative material. This puts it above other Hasbro adaptations like G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) or even the possible Candy Land movie.

This was another hurdle that the film just couldn't get over. The problem here is that apparently no one realized the ridiculousness of associating the film with a toy. When Transformers (2007) was first made, it wasn't just the toys that it built its franchise on, it was thirty years of animated movies, cartoon shows, and comic books, as well as some of the most recognizable characters from the childhood of Generations X and Y. This doesn't work the same way with a game that had no previous association with Aliens and thus the juxtaposition is rather jarring to just throw at a potential audience, seemingly with full seriousness. As mentioned, this isn't really the case, and nothing about the "Invasion" is typical, and this should have been a selling point. It wasn't.

With all this nonsense though, the filmmakers actually did work in a lengthy scene that connects rather directly with the original Board Game. It's a fairly ingenious connection and has some of the most tension, character development, and human success in the film. Isn't that curious? While disparaging the source material, almost all critics have agreed that the only scene that actually calls back to the source material is by far the best in the film?

There's also Rihanna. Oh, Rihanna. She isn't used for sex here, although there is plenty of unsubtle Male Perspective and boobie shots, mostly of Brooklyn Decker. I don't know why Rihanna is here and it's kind of funny and weird and awesome whenever she's on screen. Still, she doesn't take away from the film at all, and does what she needs to do, even if her speech about her father's Alien Prediction kind of comes out of left field and is never really revisited. Sequel in Barbados, anyone? If this film got her a role in Fast Six, that's OK with me. Just answer me why we didn't get a kick-ass Rihanna tie-in song for the Summer instead of Tom Morello's stuff?

This is also by and large a proud Navy film, and after years of highlighting Marines or the Air Force or SEALS, isn't it about time these boys (and girl) got a solid action flick? They even incorporate some of the Navy's most relevant history when John Carter recruits a horde of WWII vets for the final Alien Battle.

OK, So it was pretty goofy.

There is some pretty bad dialogue. It's kind of insane to see all these 90-year olds fighting Aliens on the USS Missouri. The acting is never really great. I don't really know what the point of Brooklyn Decker's hike up the mountain was other than to provide exposition, telling her bf John Carter what to blow up. There also seems to be some ignored significance in having the American and Japanese Navies unite to work in tandem right across the bay from Pearl Harbor. There's a lot of stuff that probably shouldn't be happening.

All of this contributes to the fun, though. None of it really gets in the way of the story, and every character is extremely likeable instead of frustrating. There is tension enough to panic for the characters, but never so much that it becomes indigestible. It's one of the more perfect Summer Movies that has hit theaters in a long time. Above all else, its subtext is intriguing and does things for its genre far beyond something like The Avengers, which seems awfully cliched in hindsight. I said it. I would take Battleship over The Avengers.

Let the Internet hate me forever.

The Road to a Blockbuster: The Dictator and Battleship try to Avenge

In this, the last Summer in History, we've already seen a sureproven Blockbuster. The Avengers (2012) has set the bar awfully high for any other film to challenge it. The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) or The Dark Knight Rises (2012) may come close, but everyone else is playing an awfully tough game of catch-up. Opening today are two films that are trying awfully awfully hard to become the next big thing - The Dictator (2012) and Battleship (2012).

Sacha Baron Cohen seems poised to nail a final stake in all the good acclaim he's been riding since Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006). The key with that film was the wit and irony it had along with the immaturity and gross-out humour. Brüno (2009), arguably starring a funnier character than Borat, lacked the solid narrative of Borat (yes, somehow this is true) and thus the gags were hollow. The Dictator seems like an interesting, controversial premise with a lot of potential. It lies at the apex of bad taste, and reviews so far haven't been all that terrible. That said, it seems almost out of date coming after a year where we saw the deaths of Kim Jong Il, Osama bin Laden, and the movie's most obvious inspiration, Momar Gaddafi.


But we've never really cared about the quality of a film. The bottom line makes Hollywood go round, and will this film be palatable enough to engage a wide audience and ensure a mark on comedy for years to come? Will we look forward to late Saturday night unedited airings on Comedy Central around 2015? Those are the questions we want to get after - Will this thing be a Blockbuster?


I don't really think so. The film has reeked of desperation for weeks and it seems ill-timed to become a classic. With this kind of thing to be really shocking and funny it inherently needs to be an excellently constructed film. Instead, the plot seems well-worn, insipid, and uninspired. The key to attract audiences should be the opposite. Baron Cohen has committed to the character for sure, but the film has been pushed on audiences rather than offered for them to accept it. The buzz period has been long and arduous and when the anticipation transitioned from mysterious weird photos and a general irrelevance to actual joke and plot revelations hype cooled rather than fired up. This is not ideal. After the same jokes have been played over and over again (you can think of them immediately - Admiral General Aladeen shooting his way to win a track race, throwing garbage at a cab, and then appearing to want to bomb the Statue of Liberty in a helicopter), it seems like all the funny is drained out. All in all, the best thing may be the Soundtrack - although once you understand the postmodern joke of it all, there's not much more to that, either.


We've also got Battleship this weekend. Finally! This is perhaps one of the more insane films of all time. From the first trailer line, "From the Hasbro company that brought you Transformers" we all started preparing for the ridiculous. This is a movie, yes from the same company as Transformers, that appears to completely rip-off that franchise, particularly Dark of the Moon (2011).

I want Rihanna to star in Avengers 2 as Moon Knight.

I've never seen a movie make so much out of nothing before. Sure, it's a difficult hurdle to get over the fact that it's an entire film based on this, but they've ramped up the crazy here like few mainstream flicks before it. Why are there aliens attacking from the sea? I guess the planet is mostly ocean, it should make sense, really. This is truly a landmark Blockbuster, though, if it succeeds it will prove that the incredible stupidity of a franchise like Transformers is wholly transferable to any Summer Tentpole. This is a dangerous idea. In all likelihood though, this will cave to The Avengers, and that kind of big filmmaking will win the day. Hopefully.


Battleship has tried to hard to be a Blockbuster. It's been advertised for months and months and forced itself into everyone's minds in part due to how absolutely terrible it looks. Now, making old 80s cartoons like Transformers and G.I. Joe into really cool thrill-ride action films works because there's always been that potential there. The realistic depiction of the robot-on-robot fighting in Transformers (2007) is kind of how we all pictured it when we mashed our toys together. This doesn't really work with Battleship. You can't make this board game suddenly cool with pegs and grids and be dark, edgy, and cool. That's retarded.


Still, there had better be some kind of "You sunk my battleship" line. Otherwise, what's the point, really? It seems like a film that is going for it all - excessive stupidity, meaningless stakes, an incoherent plot, and a complete disregard for convention, class, or authenticity. With this we may hope for a truly postmodern Blockbuster - one that doesn't care about its product at all and exists only as a conduit for studios to take an audiences' money while giving them nothing in return. That is kind of exciting. Still, the stupidity of both of these movies will hold them back while there is still something like The Avengers available to audiences to experience.


Both The Dictator and Battleship open today - go check 'em out and see if I'm right.