War of the Months: December

Well people, it's been a long and arduous year but we've finally come to the finale of the War of the Months, our year-long look at the biggest and best films that have been released each month of the year. Today on the last day of December, which means it's time for one more round of useless analysis.

December: Snowy Summer

December is a great month. It's usually filled with some really big blockbusters that for whatever reason don't really fit in the Summer Season. It's a more confined month that really allows a flick to seize the zeitgeist, whether it be Lord of the Rings, I Am Legend (2007), AVABAR (2009), or whatever. It's also this spot for a lot of movies aiming for Oscar glory because the releases can be as fresh in the minds of potential voters as possible. This often involves a lot of the bigger Academy-leaning films like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2009) or True Grit (2010). It's a time when kids are home from college or their lives or whatever and go check out some films with their families or old friends. In this sense, December Blockbusters tend to be a lot more mainstream and digestible than some of the wilider summer movies. Transformers do not belong in December, but something like Meet the Fockers (2004) or Tron Legacy (2010) certainly does.

December Box Office: Christmas Money

There has been one December that nabbed over a Billion bucks, that being in 2009 on the backs of not only AVABAR but also Sherlock Holmes (2009) and Alvin and the Chipmunks (2009). It also involved some holdover sleeper hits of the year such as The Blind Side (2009) and The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009). As for the biggest December grossers of all time, these flicks read like a who's who of epic franchises. I Am Legend leads the pack followed by AVABAR and a bunch of Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia and King Kong. It's the Fantasy, Peter Jackson month, baby. It's films do tend to have more of a slow burn because while the month has a lot of Box Office Attention, it's not necessarily focused on a single weekend. It's more of a thing to do for a bunch of friends that are hanging out after not seeing each other for a while.

December Quality: There and Back Again

There are a tremendous amount of great December flicks. It's a time when studios are trying to prime their movies for Oscar bait and the bigger films that are released here are generally of a much higher quality than typical summer crap. This has been far more often a recent trend, so this Month tends to skew with more recent movies, but nevertheless, Here is our Top 10:

#10: Gangs of New York - 12/20/2002
#9: O Brother, Where Art Thou? - 12/22/2000
#8: Children of Men - 12/25/2006
#7: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - 12/19/2001
#6: The Royal Tenenbaums - 12/14/2001
#5: Black Swan - 12/03/2010
#4: Gran Torino- 12/12/2008
#3: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - 12/20/2011
#2: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - 12/17/2003
#1: There Will Be Blood - 12/26/2007

There are so many other great films that deserve mentioning for this month. This includes some great old comedies such as Beverly Hills Cop (1984), Christmas Vacation (1989), Dumb and Dumber (1994), Mars Attacks! (1996), and the Wes Anderson duo, Rushmore (1998) and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004). We've also seen a lot of sci-fi epics such as the Terry Gilliam films 12 Monkeys (1995) and Brazil (1985) as well as the underseen The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus (2009).

More often than not though, December is a time for big serious drama. From JFK (1991) and Schindler's List (1993) to Jerry Maguire (1996), As Good as it Gets (1997), Titanic (1997), and Good Will Hunting (1997) to the more recent Catch Me if You Can (2002), The Last Samurai (2003), Brokeback Mountain (2005), The Wrestler (2008), and Frost / Nixon (2008). There are plenty of high-profile biographies as well, such as Chaplin (1992), Ali (2001), and The Aviator (2004).

Rounding out December is a collection of random films that all have some great significance. From the westerns  Tombstone (1993) and True Grit (2010) to Fantasy epics like  Pan's Labyrinth (2006) and The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002). There's also 80s classics Platoon (1986) and Scarface (1983). Finally, a collection of my personal favourites, Shadow of the Vampire (2000), Cast Away (2000), Ocean's 11 (2001) and Adaptation. (2002). Phew. It's tough to leave any of these flicks out of a post concerning December.


So now that this is the final entry of the War of the Months, it's time to declare a victor. Let's look at the biggest movies released in each month of the year:

January: Cloverfield (2008) - $40,058,229
February: The Passion of the Christ (2004) - $83,848,082
March: Alice in Wonderland (2010) - $116,101,023
April: Fast Five (2011) - $86,198,765
May: Spider-Man 3 (2007) - $151,116,516
June: Toy Story 3 (2010) - $110,307,189
July: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 (2011) - $169,189,427
August: The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) - $69,283,690
September: Sweet Home Alabama (2002) - $35,648,740
October: Paranormal Activity 3 (2011) - $52,568,183
November: The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009) - $142,839,137
December: I Am Legend (2007) - $77,211,321

Now for a ranking of the Top Grossing Months in order of Best to Worst:

#1: July
#2: June
#3: December
#4: January
#5: May
#6: November
#7: August
#8: March
#9: April
#10: February
#11: October
#12: September

Now for the Best Films Released in each month of the year:

January: Smokin' Aces (2007)
February: Taxi Driver (1976)
March: The Big Lebowski (1998)
April: Mean Girls (2004)
May: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
June: Jaws (1975)
July: Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
August: Inglourious Basterds (2009)
September: Goodfellas (1990)
October: Pulp Fiction (1994)
November: Network (1976)
December: There Will Be Blood (2007)

Well that's it folks. There is more Monthly Movie Data here now than you could have ever, every possibly wanted or asked for. Hopefully you now understand much more about when and why movies are released where they are and will be able to go with the seasonal flow a bit smoother. Or something. Happy New Year!

War of the Months: November

Well people, it's the Fourth Tuesday in November, which means the penultimate installment of the War of the Months, NMW's year-long look at the best and brightest flicks to ever premiere in each month of the year. Today we take a gander at November, the Month of Turkeys, Politicians, and Shopping. It's actually a pretty exciting month. It's also generally the month wherein some quality flicks return to the Box Office after the terrible October and September months. Let's take a closer look:

One of the long line of movies where Common's character isn't important...

November: Month of Christmas

It's a weird trend but more and more it seems that November is a month for preparing for Christmas. As Black Friday shopping hours get pushed farther and farther forward so that Thanksgiving Day is now basically a Shopping Day and with the advent of yesterday's Cyber Monday in recent years past, it's all about getting the goodies ready for Santa Day. At the same time it's a time for more and more Christmas movie premieres, which is bizarre and terrible in its own right. There should be no Christmas preparation until after T-Gives. The rest of the month really should be devoted to Thanksgiving Preparation, instead! Thanksgiving is such a wacky holiday. Why do we still celebrate this obscure gathering between Pilgrims and Native Americans? Because Turkey tastes amazing, that's why.

November is also a fairly traditional month. Not a whole lot has changed in the past twenty-five Novembers. 1988 featured broad, big family fare like The Land Before Time and Olivier & Company as well as a Christmas movie, Scrooged, and 1989 featured the franchise installment Back to the Future Part II. 1990 featured Oscar-primed Dances with Wolves, fulfilling the four distinct kinds of November movies: Broad Animation, Christmas Movies, Franchise Installments, and Oscar bait. It's really a month that has something for everyone, and that hasn't changed in decades.

November Box Office: Gaining Returns

November is a pretty decent month at the Box Office, averaging a bit above August and the second highest-non-summer Month of the year behind december. The greatest November on record is 2009, primarily because of The Twilight Saga: New Moon, but also with strong blockbusters like 2012 and A Christmas Carol, but also due to the huge sleeper hit The Blind Side.

It's November, buddy. Bundle up.

Twilight virtually rules November. How...has that come to be? It basically occupied a niche that Harry Potter had held for the past decade - that early holiday, family viewing come-together period of November. Of course, Twilight isn't really family viewing...at all. November works for these big franchises with many quickly released and sometimes simultaneously filmed movies. It's a good seasonal pit-stop before the Summer Months come around again. That is, it allows franchise follow-ups to be released with ideal timing that neither over-saturates the public's appetite nor lets them forget.

That said, seven out of the Top 10 November Releases EVER have been either Twilight or Harry Potter, the top again being New Moon at $142,839,137 back in 2009. Other big films in this month really demonstrate November's status as a Box Office Alternative to Summer. It's a bit cozier month and it's a bit friendlier for Family Releases such as The Incredibles (2004), Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (2008), and Monsters, Inc (2003). There are also a few big Blockbusters like the latest Bond Flicks, where November has become pretty traditional, as well as Charlie's Angels (2000), The Matrix Revolutions (2003), and National Treasure (2004). This trend is actually much older, incorporating films like Alien: Resurrection (1997) and Starship Troopers (1998) as well as the late Arnold films End of Days (1999) and The 6th Day (2000). Finally, November will occasionally see the big Blockbuster release that is trying to get some Oscar notice, because it fits in well with the season. This includes American Gangster (2007) and 8 Mile (2002).

November Quality: That's Super

November tends to be a pretty good month for critically appreciated movies. It's situated well for mainstream films to appeal to a wide number of audiences and gain buzz before the year ends. It's also a good opportunity to films that have done previously well on circuits or small releases to gain momentum through either wider releases or DVD buzz. November's Top 10 is, then, as follows:

#10: Plains, Trains and Automobiles - 11/25/1987
#9: Walk the Line - 11/18/2005
#8: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - 11/30/2007
#7: Toy Story - 11/22/1995
#6: Cape Fear -11/13/1991
#5: They Live - 11/04/1988
#4: No Country for Old Men - 11/07/2007
#3: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest -11/19/1975
#2: Raging Bull - 11/14/1980
#1: Network - 11/27/1976

It's a steep list when No Country for Old Men ranks fourth. Raging Bull here was released on this date in 4 theaters and had a wider release a month later, but it felt right here. Other Best Picture Winners that have been released in November include Rocky (1976), Terms of Endearment (1983), Dances with Wolves (1990), The English Patient (1996), Slumdog Millionaire (2008) and The King's Speech (2010). Other prestigious films include Finding Neverland (2004), Good Night, and Good Luck (2005), Cinderella Man (2005), I'm Not There (2007) and The Road (2009).

Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color

Some of my favourite comedies of all time have also been released here that cannot go without mention. These include Space Jam (1996), Dogma (1999), Out Cold (2001), Just Friends (2005), Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (2005), Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny (2006), Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006), Role Models (2008), and of course, The Muppets (2011).

Like I said earlier, November is Christmas Month. It has seen the release of three of my Top 5 Christmas Movies to Watch Instead of Talking to your Family along with the aforementioned Scrooged, Home Alone (1990), The Santa Clause (1994) and Jingle All the Way (1996). Wonderful times.

Finally, other notables include one of the best Rocky Films, Rocky IV (1985) as well as what some consider one of the best films ever made, Babe: Pig in the City (1998). November also launched two huge revivals in the 1990s, the first was Disney Animation through Beauty and the Beast (1991) and Aladdin (1992) and the second was James Bond through the excellent GoldenEye (1995).

That's a lot of good movies! So cut open that bird and hit the theater this month - you won't regret it!

War of the Months: October

Welcome once again folks to War of the Months, NMW's year-long assessment of the best and brightest movies that have been released each month. As the wind is blowing, leaves falling and little unloved bastard children go door to door soliciting candy while the final hours of October tick away, we take a look at this 10th month of Ghouls and Goblins.

October: Terrortown Month

October is generally an awful month at the movies. After all, there are a lot of other distractions like Football Games, school and Halloween to think about. There isn't a whole lot of reason to go to the movies. That said, there are some really quality films that have emerged from this month, but typically they're niche enough to avoid any serious box office bank.

October Dinero: Ghost in the Closet

There isn't a whole lot here. October has the second worse aggregate box office of the year, only beaten in futility by September. The greatest October ever was 2009 on the backs of such dynamos as Couple Retreat, Where the Wild Things Are, Zombieland and Michael Jackson's This is It. There was also the sleeper Paranormal Activity that really beefed up the bank of this month.

Since then October has really been saved by Paranormal Activity. The most recent sequel grossed $52,568,183 for the biggest October weekend ever. Other great weekends in this horrible month are taken by Jackass 3-D (2010), Scary Movie 3 (2003) and Shark Tale (2004). Ouch. There are plenty of other Horror Movies, of course, such as Paranormal Activity 2 (2010), The Grudge (2004), Red Dragon (2002) and High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008). These flicks are obviously only intended for the brave of heart.

Before Paranormal Activity secured October it was really pushed on the back of the Saw franchise, and before that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003 and 1974 versions actually), I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) and stretching back further you've got all the Halloween movies, but curiously no Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street has ever been an October release. Needless to say, when a month banks on Horror, it's not going to be breaking many records. Horror is profitable for studios because they're cheap to produce and the best tend to be culturally iconic (leading to a lifetime of merchandising) but the money isn't going to be made in theaters.

October Quality Control: Somehow Excellent

With all this said, there is actually many great October Films out there. It's really right on the eve of Oscar Season and so there's easildy a few that slip in there among the all-time greats.

#10: Reservoir Dogs - 10/23/1992
#9: Leaving Las Vegas - 10/27/1995
#8: Fight Club - 10/15/1999
#7: Glengarry Glen Ross - 10/02/1992
#6: Training Day - 10/05/2001
#5: The Prestige - 10/20/2006
#4: The Terminator - 10/26/1984
#3: The Social Network - 10/01/2010
#2: The Departed - 10/06/2006
#1: Pulp Fiction -10/14/1994

Other notable films released this month include Good Night and Good Luck (2005), Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003) (Quentin cleans up this month), Mystic River (2003), Meet the Parents (2000), American History X (1998) and even First Blood (1982). It's also interesting to point out that Clerks (1994) was released within weeks of Pulp Fiction and Kevin Smith owns October with Mallrats (1995) as well.

This is also an insane month for cult hits, including Zombieland (2009), Across the Universe (2007), Primer (2004), Donnie Darko (2001), Being John Malkovich (1999) and Boogie Nights (1997). Finally this month is home to two Trey Parker creations, Team America: World Police (2004) and Orgazmo (1998) as well as three of my all-time personal favourite films, My Name is Bruce (2008), Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (2005) and Jackass: The Movie (2002). Yep. Like I said, October isn't going to get a lot of money at the box office, but there are a ton of good movies that have come out of this month, most that no one has ever really heard of - exactly what cripples its dinero.

War of the Months: September

Welcome again folks to the War of the Months. All year long we're examining Month by Month the best trends in Movies, including commercial success (or lack of) as well as critical appreciation (or lack of). Today, being the last day in September, we're looking at the preceding month, and it's pretty terrible. September is all about going back to school or work and getting into the swing of things after that long, pleasant, warm summer. It's a doomed month, no one looks forward to September. Likewise the films released are terrible.

September: Awful Month

No one is going to the movies in September. It's not a place for Studios to debut their greatest accomplishments and it suffers likewise. There are certainly some gems in the rough, though. Generally it's a limbo between Summer Box-Office Season and Oscar Season and there are some films that cross over either from being Summer Stragglers or preemptive Oscar Runners. True Septemberians are so unbelievably bad though. It's a cinematic no-man's land.

September Box-Office: Poison

The Greatest Opening Weekend Ever in September still belongs to Sweet Home Alabama (2002) for some reason at $35,648,740. Rounding out the Top Ten are other surefire hits as Eagle Eye (2008), Flightplan (2005) and the original Rush Hour (1998). Check out the full list over here. The Resident Evil Movies seem to keep cropping up here but there really isn't rhyme or reason to what has success. In essence September is a month with a blank slate. No one really has any expectations so it's fair game for anyone. It would be cooler if any of these films that didn't make any money were actually good.

September 2007 is the Best September Ever at $554,716,620, which is far below any other month of the year by a tremendous margin. It's awful. It's tough to say what fueled this. The only major debuts were 3:10 to Yuma, Shoot 'Em Up, Resident Evil: Extinction and The Game Plan. That one with The Rock. You know the one. None of these were really that big hits but that particular month was helped by some holdover sleeper hits from August 2007, including Superbad and The Bourne Ultimatum.

Top Movies All Time: Are You Joking?

Actually September used to be a premiere month in the early 80s. There are a few Best Picture Winners and Nominees including Ordinary People (1980), Chariots of Fire (1981), Amadeus (1984) and The Big Chill (1983). And there's also Jackass: Number Two (2006). In recent times though all we've really got is The Town (2010) and The American (2010). The Best Ever though, are below:

#10: The Princess Bride - 09/25/1987
#9: Zoolander - 09/28/2001
#8: Ed Wood - 09/30/1994
#7: Dog Day Afternoon - 09/21/1975
#6: Shaun of the Dead - 09/24/2004
#5: Burn After Reading - 09/12/2008
#4: Se7en - 09/22/1995#3: American Beauty - 09/15/1999
#2 Almost Famous - 09/15/2000
#1: Goodfellas - 09/19/1990

Other notables include Remember the Titans (2000), as well as some franchise starters such as Barbershop (2002), Underworld (2003) and even Crocodile Dundee (1986). Other than that September has plenty of cult favourites like Bubba Ho-Tep (2003), The Shawshank Redemption (1994), Ronin (1998), Blue Streak (1999) and The Rundown (2003). We've also got one of the Better Nic Cage movies, Lord of War (2005).

So really the Dead September is more of a recent phenomenon. Still none of these films really made any money. September is terrible. Teachers smell.

War of the Months: August

Well folks, it's the final day in August (well, the last 15 minutes), which means it's time once again for War of the Months, your year-long look at the cinematic box office and critical trends and results for every month of the year. This is another dumping month, which by the way, why are there so many more dump months than good months? Is there really just that much crap around? August is for July hangovers. Generally there's nothing going on, school is about to start, people are on vacation, it's a time for everyone to do nothing with their Sunshine while they actually don't have obligations for a few weeks. There's a bit of greatness in that though, but it certainly shows at the movies.

August: Month of Bleh

Nothing's really going on in August. It's this Dead Zone for everyone's lives. In terms of movies, there are generally some potentially big flicks that come out and some do pretty well. It IS still Summer, after all. Early August tends to be a great time for Sleeper Comedy hits to launch as well as some Blockbusters whose Financial Predictions may fall in between March and June. Flicks just risky enough that studios would avoid an important weekend, but may still do pretty decent.

August Moola: Fitting the Bill

After July, August certainly seems lacking. The Bourne Ultimatum (2007), August's greatest movie ever, opened at $69,283,690, which isn't too shabby, but certainly not the worst possible. Although this is far below the biggest March and April Opening Weekends, the Top 10 August Weekends Ever show us that there are still a lot more films that can nab $40 - 50 million than any of the Spring Months.

Relevant.

Some of the other Top 10 August Films include Rush Hour 2 (2001), Signs (2002), American Pie 2 (2001) and Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006). As you can see, it tends to be a place for films that are franchises or brands but not really that great, and surprisingly good comedies. Clearly the success of our two August Risers, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) and Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) are a testament to that.

The Top August Ever was 2007. In addition to the success of The Bourne Ultimatum somehow confirming that the Bourne Series was a legitimate cultural force, even though hardly anyone seemed to see the first one, it also saw Rush Hour 3 close out the Summer of Threequels. Finally it was really helped by Superbad's slow burn that continued to generate revenue for some time after it released. The rest of the August Releases this year are atrocious. You've got things like Daddy Day Camp, The Invasion, WAR and Balls of Fury. None of these did business, but the sheer number of them added something to the Box Office Totals.

August Quality: Fucking Terrible

This can be a rough month. There really aren't a whole lot of pagestoppers here but there are some gems amidst the endless swirling sea of shit. A lot of these are small comedies that turned out to be awesome, or an underrated action flick, as well as the occasional Oscar-worthy pic somehow.

#10: Superbad - 08/17/2007
#9: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - 08/13/2010
#8: Desperado - 08/25/1995
#7: District 9 - 8/14/2009
#6: The Fugitive - 08/06/1993
#5: Tropic Thunder - 08/13/2008
#4: Unforgiven - 08/07/1992
#3: The Iron Giant - 08/06/1999
#2: The Usual Suspects - 08/16/1995
#1: Inglourious Basterds - 08/21/2009

Use your coin!

I gave Basterds the edge because there is no reason ever to watch The Usual Suspects more than once, tho that first time is great. Good Augusts tend to come in spurts. This includes 2009, 1995, which also includes Babe, and 1999, which in addition to The Iron Giant adds under-appreciated Comedies Mystery Men and Bowfinger. It also tends to be a super-Apatow month featuring The 40-Year Old Virgin (2005), Talladega Nights, The Other Guys (2010) and Pineapple Express (2008). In addition it has tons of cult Comedies like Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back (2001), Rat Race (2001), Beerfest (2006) and Mystery Team (2009).

In terms of the few solid action flicks August produces that just missed the cut here are Natural Born Killers (1994), Blade (1998), xXx (2002) and Layer Cake (2004). Besides these bleak offerings August also gave us the Greatest Feel-Good Movie of all time, The Replacements (2000).

So that's August. A fun month for sure, there's definitely an enjoyable flick every once in a while, but more often than not this is just a terrible month to go to the movies. 2011 was especially horrible, besides the somehow okay Ascent of the World of the Monkeys. Of course if you think this is unbearable at all you all but need to wait until September rears its atrocious head.

War of the Months: July

Well dear readers it's the final Thursday in July, which means it's time once again for the War of the Months, our year-long look at both the Critical and Box Office Trends for the films released in each Month of the Year. July is a nutty one. It's really the King of Months commercially but finding some real quality flicks may be tricky. Of course, it's all about fun, baby and July brings the rain. Hard. Needless to say, many July months have indelibly seeped into Pop Culture becoming part of our every day lives. Whoa. Let's Jump in!

Harry doesn't want July to end.

July: King of Months

July is this incredible month really. It's the ultimate Summer Month. It's the farthest away from school, that is. June is pretty cool but really there's just too much happening for people to concentrate on movies. When July rolls around though we're ready for excitement, thrilling action and romance as well as some quality Air Conditioned Theaters. It's become part of American Culture to spend July eating Hot Dogs, splashing in the pool and catching a flick with some friends and beers. It's beautiful. August is really too much of an afterthought. It's the dead month of Summer. We're still excited about getting some heat in July finally. We want to do stuff, and that stuff is movie stuff. Alright!

Rich. Like Ali Baba Rich.

The Top 10 July Weekends Ever include three of the Top 5 All-Time Weekends Ever. Nasty. The tops include Three Harry Potters, Two Transformers, a Pirates, a Batman, Spider-Man, Austin Powers and Simpsons. That list is the peak of the range, the cream of the crop, baby. Now, Spider-Man 2 (2004) and Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) were both June Releases with weekends that spilled out into July. If we're being purists with only July Releases we'd end up including Planet of the Apes (2001) and Captain America (2011), which actually seems kind of bizarre. It's also incredible that three of the current Top 12 are 2011 releases, which may indicate that this year becomes one of July's best and therefore one of the best Months All-Time. Which is sick.

Joker Approved.

So clearly at this point you can tell that July has become Franchise Month. It's all about loud, crazy big movies, but the ones that do really well usually still have some quality to them. The Dark Knight (2008), Despicable Me (2010), Inception (2010), X-Men (2000) and Men in Black (1997) are all July Films that have done spectacularly at the Box Office as well as in my opinion.

Now the best July Ever (before this year) was 2010, which was aided largely both by the rapid business of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse along with the fantastic slow burn of Inception. There actually wasn't a whole lot else besides Angelina Jolie's Salt, Predators and Dinner for Schmucks which all did decent if not spectacular business. The afortmentioned Despicable Me also contributed to this month just barely edging out July 2007 for the Best Month All-Time at $1,319,393,415. It helps that 2011 has Five Fridays and with Cowboys & Aliens (2011) coming up I wouldn't be surprised if this goes down as the Best Box Office Month Ever. After all, July has absolutely dominated the Box Office in the Past Decade.

The Greatest July Movies Ever:

July is full of some pretty quality blockbusters. In the 80s and 90s almost every July Movie was an instant classic. There's the foundation of Franchises before they were Franchises here. Let's run through the Top 10, clearly the few best July Comedies of the Decade make it but beyond that the quality just isn't there. Take a peak:

#10: Step Brothers - 07/25/2008
#9: Inception - 07/16/2010
#8: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy - 07/09/2004
#7: Aliens - 07/18/1986
#6: Back to the Future - 07/03/1985
#5: Forrest Gump - 07/06/1994
#4: Die Hard - 07/15/1988
#3: Saving Private Ryan - 07/24/1998
#2: Animal House - 07/28/1978
#1: Terminator 2: Judgment Day - 07/03/1991

There were a lot of close calls here. July has had some fantastic comedies such as Clerks II (2006), Wedding Crashers (2005), Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004), American Pie (1999), There's Something About Mary (1998), BASEketball (1998), Kingpin (1996), Clueless (1995) and Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993). Phew.

It's also full of awesome Action Flicks like Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (2003), Independence Day (1996) and True Lies (1994). I also like how July features both Sunshine (2007) and Little Miss Sunshine (2006).

So that's July, folks. It's an epic month to be sure. You can note the quality of most of the movies I've talked about though. It's this month were huge and awesome come together perfectly. These are wonderful times.

War of the Months: June

Well folks it's the last Monday in June so that means that it's time for another installment of the War of the Months, our year-long look at the films and box office stats of every single month of the year. Hoorah! This Month we're looking at June, this weird Summer Middle Month that is still filled with some pretty huge flicks.

June: The Middle Month

There is so much crap happening in June that movies tend to take a backseat more than they do in the bigger Summer Months of May or July. There's graduations, reunions, weddings, picnics and all kinds of crap. It gets a little hairy to get out to the movies. Through it all there is a good amount of big movies though, it IS Summer, after all. June tends to be underrated as a month in general, it's secretly this really warm, really nice month that most kids ignore because they still have to go to fucking school all day. By this time though, June can really wind up and in between finals and Aunt Judy's third wedding there are some big flicks out there.

June Bank: Plenty to Go Around

The biggest June ever was 2009 which brought in a nice $1,086,729,130. This is actually a bit higher than May's grand total and its average does tend a little better. There is generally less huge event movies or epic cultural tentpoles. That 2009 was filled mostly with movies that people didn't expect to do as insanely well as they did, including The Hangover, The Proposal and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

More than meets the eye

The Top Ten June Weekends ever include only one of these, but as you can see, it tends to be the month that Pixar dumps its biggest cash prizes, including both installments of the Cars franchise, Toy Story 3 (2010), Wall-E (2008) and Ratatouille (2007). In addition, the best June releases tend to be movies that studios may have hoped to do well but weren't sure things like the May filled with Star Wars, X-Men and Indiana Jones. There's Kung Fu Panda (2008), Hulk (2003), Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) and The Karate Kid (2010). Rounding out the Top Ten is the only Harry Potter movie ever to debut in June (as well as the one that's made the least money...actually my favourite one), Prisoner of Asskaban (2004).

The thing about June is that it's always been like this. It's a month of originals. May has all these classic tentpole franchises like Back to the Future and Spider-Man but June used to be the Summer Kick-Off with titles like Batman Returns (1992), Jurassic Park (1993) and The Lion King (1994). It used to be that Summer started in June. Then studios decided that it could start in May. Why not? It's warm enough.

June Bugs:

There are a whole lot of good June flicks, by this point any indie Oscar film is certainly out of the running, it's all blockbusters here, baby. After all, this is Jaws Month. Here following now are the best ever June Releases:

#10: Minority Report - 06/21/2002
#9: The Truman Show - 06/05/1998
#8: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan - 06/04/1982
#7: The Bourne Identity - 06/14/2002
#6: The Lion King - 06/15/1994
#5: Wall-E - 06/27/2008
#4: The Hangover - 06/05/2009
#3: Ghostbusters - 06/08/1984
#2: Jurassic Park - 06/11/1993
#1: JAWS - 06/20/1975

Stick an Oxygen Tank in there!

Naturally I give honourable mentions to Total Recall (1990), Knocked Up (2007), Predator (1987), Nacho Libre (2006) and Speed (1994). Nice mix in there. Needless to say, June is also the Month of JAWS, the foundation for all blockbusters and probably the most significant industry-changing film of the past forty years. JAWS provided the paradigm for Summer Releases, marketing, box office expectations and the cultural impact of an event film. It's stunning to this day and no movie since has paired dinero with quality quite like it.

So that's it for June. July is up next which is of course the biggest movie month EVER so stay tuned, folks, it gets much crazier from here on out.

War of the Months: May

Well amigos, it's the Second Saturday in May, which means another installment of the War of the Months, our Year-Long look at the critical and commercial trends of films released each month of the year. While we've gone through a lot of shit the first third of the year with May we begin the Summer Blockbuster Season, which highly jacks up the Box Office Returns while also typically increasing the quality of films as well. That is to say even the most mindless Summer Flicks tend to outrank the torrid January and February Films. When the stakes increase the quality tends to as well (you'll of course find some Summers like 2010 that just couldn't get anything right). It's not like May is turning out a lot of Oscar winners but usually it involves some of the most entertaining movies of the year.

May: Epic Month

Another classic Wolverine vs. Hulk match

For many years now May has been the Franchise Month. Every Star Wars film has been released in May (There might be some fuzziness with Star Wars (1977) and The Empire Strikes Back (1980) which both had only limited releases in May, however both were #1 at the Box Office that weekend, including Star Wars which opened in 43 theaters). It also will feature the classic Kick-Off movie to get summer jump-started. Lately this has all been franchises, almost always Comic Franchises. This year's THOR (2011) is a great example and I already talked a bit about this phenomenon here. Flicks like Iron Man (2008), Spider-Man 3 (2007) and X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) have followed this pattern.

So, why May anyway? What makes May so special, special enough to be the Franchise Anchor for the entire Summer Season? Generally it's about extending Summer as far as it can go. College kids are out and for those with jobs, they don't get a break anyway, so at the first crack of warm weather, it's go time. It's also a period when TV is ending, leaving an entertainment gap that movies need to jump on. June tends to be a very busy month with graduations and weddings and crap, so it's not really suited for the biggest, loudest movie openings. Whereas July still reigns as the most ridiculous Box Office Month ever, August tends to be a sliding hangover. That leaves May as the final depository for Huge Movies. May is an exciting month - school is almost out, the flowers are in bloom again, everyone is taking trips and blowing off their winter savings, it's perfect for the Franchises. Then there's Memorial Day, a quirky little government holiday without much more tradition other than getting drunk at a picnic and...going to the movies.* Yeah, it's a Memorial Day tradition to see a big dumb American Movie. May is awesome.

C.R.E.A.M.

Dolla Dolla Bill ya'll - May is where it's at. Some of the biggest movies of all time have been May openings, including the ridiculous $151,116,516 take of Spider-Man 3. Check the rest out here. It's not unusual for a May Opening to grab over $100 million, tho you'll actually notice no one's cracked the mark since Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Rape (2008) did it barely in 2008. Despite this, 2009 was the hugest May ever and the only May to bust over a Billion Clams at the Box Office. Yet no May 2009 Opening was that stunning.

Ah, shit.

Basically that month was significantly aided by five weekends, not four and releases that were big but didn't break records such as X-Men Origins: Wolverine at $85,058,003, Star Trek (2009) at $79,204,289, Angels & Demons (2009) at $46,204,168 (barely beating Star Trek that weekend by a few million, they combined for $89 million), and the one-two punch of Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009) at $54,173,286 and Terminator: Salvation (2009) at $42,558,390 (combining for $96 million). We conclude with Up (2009)'s $68,108,790. It's still incredible to me that this May beat 2007 which featured Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third (2007) and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007). This holy trilogy comprise three of the Top Five May Weekends ever, but there wasn't a whole lot else around them. May 2009 had a ton of high-profile releases, multiples each weekend for five weekends. That's unstoppable.

Of the Crop:

Now, let's talk quality. Finding a quality May movie out of this lot is a bit rough. Out of all the films I mentioned in the previous section I'd give Star Trek and Up a boost but nothing else. Still, a month with every Star Wars release is no slouch. Alright, just for the first two. Anyway, here are the Greatest May Films Ever:


#10: Braveheart - 05/24/1995
#9: Star Trek - 05/08/2009
#8: Up - 05/29/2009
#7: Gladiator - 05/01/2000
#6: Back to the Future Part III - 05/25/1990
#5: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - 05/22/1998, I'm not sure how this one snuck in here.
#4: Star Wars - 05/25/1977
#3: The Shining - 05/23/1980
#2: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade - 05/24/1989, or this one.
#1: The Empire Strikes Back - 05/21/1980

You know who'd be a great replacement? That kid from Even Stevens.

You can see how most of the best May films are the rare better sequel (including X2: X-Men United [2003] and The Road Warrior [1982]), or the ever rarer better Threequel (Last Crusade and BttF Part III). There are also the Best Picture Winning Historical Epics (Braveheart and Gladiator, Kingdom of Heaven [2005] also was a May release but did not far as well) and in terms of quality you can see that outside of Pixar and J.J. Abrams we haven't seen much of any in decades.

The Honourable Mentions are tough but I might give points to An Inconvenient Truth (2006), Kicking and Screaming (2005), The Fifth Element (1995), Top Gun (1986) and Spider-Man (2002). Jeez those are all over the place.

Well that about does it for this Month's installment - as you can see, May is nothing to shake a stick at. Only July can really kick its ass at the bank, but I actually think it's fun to recount a time when sequels were actually decent films and May was a time to showcase them. Let the Summer Begin!

*Also ahem, honouring our deceased combatants in war. It's true, we lost over 300 Americans in battle in the Spanish-American War alone.

War of the Months: April

Well, it's the second Friday in April so that of course means that it's time once again for War of the Months, our year-long look at the biggest, best and loudest movies of each month of the Human Year. This is Springtime now baby, and let me tell you, April is a crazy month. Do you know how many deaths and catastrophes have occurred in April? We've got the birth (20 April 1889) and death (30 April 1945) of Hitler, the Columbine Massacre, the suicide of Kurt Cobain, the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr and President Abraham Lincoln, the beginning of the Rwandan Genocide, the sinking of the Titanic, Chernobyl and the first shots of both the American Revolution at Lexington and the American Civil War at Fort Sumter. Most of this can be seen on this neat quiz here. With all this crazy shit going on, who has time to go the movies?!

Well, no one.

April: Month of Eggs

They're at it again...again!

For a really long time April was this absolutely terrible month for cinema. It was the calm before the Summer Storm and no studio wanted to blow its load in April. Especially you know, with all this tragedy the best they often put out was White Fang 2: Myth of the White Wolf (1994) and 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998). Ouch. This trend actually continued for the most part unabated until studios started grabbing at a longer Summer Release schedule and started plopping films that may have failed otherwise in the Sun Months as a bit of a warm-up during April. April is sort of like March in this way but it's way spottier, generally has more comedies and when films do well nowadays they're not really moved around in order to capture lightning in a bottle twice.

Lately there has been some big hits like Fast & Furious (2009) and Clash of the Titties (2010) but typically it's a terrible month for quality movies. Well, these are also terrible movies but at least they have some studio support and could potentially be tentpole films. Whereas January and February have traditionally been these dump months for terrible films and March loves the Halfbuster, April has all these really random movies that don't really have a place any other time in the year. Take 1997 for instance where we saw the release of Anaconda, Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion and Volcano. Yep. It's all sort-of good films that aren't absolutely terrible but are pretty awful.

April Bank: Growing Dinero

Truly changing the future of 3-D

Basically all of the Top 10 April Weekend Releases have been in the past two years. There are some exceptions (At one point, The Scorpion King [2002] had the record for the Highest April Box Office Ever. Ouch) but generally this is because April has evolved into this Summer Warm-Up rather than Random Month. The studios have grown more purpose in the past few years in their release schedule, which is really handy while writing this blog.

Anyway, the aforementioned Fast & Furious is April's reigning champ with a $70,950,500 opening weekend. You can check out the rest of the list here, none of which are surprising. There are some comedies like #3 Anger Management (2003) and #4 Scary Movie 4 (2006) as well as edgier flicks like #7 A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) and #10 Sin City (2005) as well as the Random-As-Fuck films #8 Hannah Montana: The Movie (2009) and #9 Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too? (2010). Really besides Fast & Furious and Clash of the Titties, April is an atrocious month, its average opening in the Top 10 is above only September and January.

The best April Box Office Ever was 2010 on the heels of a string of high profile films like Clash of the Titties, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Date Night and Kick-Ass. 2009 was similar with but 2008 was dismal. As you can see, it's one of the worst on record. In terms of our derby April is the worst yet - that 2010 gave a respectable $752,592,389 but April's average is far lower and 2008's dip below $500 million is pathetic.

Best Movies Ever Released in April

For all its Box Office Atrocities April actually has some decent flicks, mostly cult comedies, some just personal favourites. I'm not sure whether or not to rank Shaun of the Dead (2004) which was released in the UK in April but September in the US and likewise Harry Brown (2009) which was released in November in the UK and April in the US. AND toss in Exit Through the Gift Shop which had a US release in April and March in the UK. Let's just say all these movies are great and move on. Also take in how many great flicks 2004 had:

#10: The Girl Next Door - 04/09/2004
#9: Kill Bill Vol. 2 - 04/16/2004
#8: Hellboy - 04/02/2004
#7: A Mighty Wind - 04/16/2003
#6: American Psycho - 04/14/2000
#5: Observe and Report - 04/10/2009
#4: Friday - 04/25/1995
#3: Forgetting Sarah Marshall - 04/18/2008
#2: Adventureland - 04/03/2009
#1: Mean Girls - 04/30/2004

Honourable mentions around to Josie and the Pussycats (2001), Bad Boys (1995), Hot Fuzz (2007), and Field of Dreams (1989). Other significant films from the month include Grindhouse (2007), Identity (2003), and United 93 (2006). Among the cult comedies I mentioned include Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay  (2008), Stick It (2006), Malibu's Most Wanted (2003), National Lampoon's Van Wilder (2002), The Sweetest Thing (2002) Joe Dirt (2001) and PCU (1994). Also I wanted to point out two films from my childhood, The Sandlot (1993) and Beethoven (1992). Yeah, with that big doggie. Woof.

So that's April. Pretty shitty. Next up is May...which will be ridiculous. Go mourn some anniversary.

War of the Months: March

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's the third Friday in March which means it's time again for Norwegian Morning Wood's glance at the trends and best films of each month of the Year. Being March now, we'll talk about March, the month of Irish Drinking, Snow Melting and what I affectionately call the "Halfbusters" at the movies. Let us proceed:

March: Month of the Halfbuster

Now what do I mean by this term? In recent years March is this month of decent business when studios seem to drop bigger films that are very close to being tentpole Summer Events, but for whatever reason are just a shade short.This goes for big but not that big Animated Films like Ice Age (2002), Monsters vs. Aliens (2009) and How to Train Your Dragon (2010) along with subpar blockbusters like 10,000 BC (2008), Blade II (2002), V for Vendetta (2006) and  Knowing (2009). Even something way back like The Matrix (1999) fits this bill, and it blew up huge, later its sequels secured a Summer, then November Release more typical of the Franchise Age. March is like this testing zone for franchises, some of which like Ice Age would be successful and then secure a Huge Summer Release later. Others like Knowing are just awful. Except for that plane scene.

So you see it's this month of quasi-good, kind-of big movies. It's not total schlock like January and February but it's not really sure-thing Summer Franchise stuff. Both this year's Battle: Los Angeles (2011) and Rango are perfect examples - risky (by Hollywood standards - read "original") projects that are big enough to possibly earn a buck if not, the studio hasn't wasted a possibly vital Summer Weekend. All this is perfect for Zach Snyder.

March is the month of Zach, really. His lifetime only film that hasn't released in March and done reasonably well is that Terrible Random Owl Movie, which wasn't very Snyder-like at all. I mean, not one slow-motion bloody death scene? But anyway, in the past half-decade his flicks have defined March. Dawn of the Dead (2004) virtually launched the current Zombie fad, 300 (2007) came out of no where with Macho Awesome and Watchmen (2009)...had a really cool opening credits scene. Needless to say, his upcoming Sucker Punch (2011) seems to fit that bill nicely, though with this one I don't know he's going to make a cent. More on that in a post next week. But if you're trying to picture the perfect March movie, anything Snyder sums it up nicely.

Movies: Zach Snyder (his only film not released in march is that Owl movie), Half-Blockbusters (Halfbusters), it explodes b/c its full of flicks that could be good but not really good enough for a summer release. Same goes with good, bigger kids animated films.

March Bank: It's Ok!

Alright, the top weekend for March All-Time belongs to last year's ridiculous Alice in Wonderland (2010) which somehow nabbed $116,101,023 over here before ultimately cracking a $Billion worldwide. I still don't know how that happened. After that we've got some flicks I've mentioned already that have done pretty well, but you'll notice a steep drop-off. Look for yourself. The Top 10 is filled with Halfbusters, most of them Animated Features from unestablished studios or properties that lucked into a good niche. The one exception is probably Wild Hogs (2007) at #9, which was really an awful, awful comedy that was broad enough to warrant a decent release but clearly the declining stock of its principle actors (Travolta, Macy, Lawrence, Allen, etc) made it less of a sure-thing Summer Cash Cow than something like Grown-Ups (2010) (see also the much worse Old Dogs [2009]).

Alice in Wonderland's success also let March 2010 charge ahead to become the highest-grossing March Ever. Clocking in at $832,265,884 easily lets March take over January and February's averages (tho January 2010 on the wings of AVABAR [2009] still beats it). You can also see that March works on its average rather than its highball. Besides 2010 and 2007 the highest years haven't really had a recent trend. It's been a consistent month for Halfbusters for some time.

Best Movies Ever Released in March:

As we go through this year we'll see the amount of films released per month getting better and better (uh...until September). March actually has some very find movies, here are my Top Ten Picks:

#10: Erin Brockovich - 3/17/2000
#9: Zodiac - 3/2/2007
#8: Dave Chappelle's Block Party - 3/3/2006
#7: Thank You For Smoking - 3/17/2006
#6: The Doors - 3/1/1991
#5: High Fidelity - 3/31/2000
#4: The Birdcage - 3/8/1996
#3: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - 3/19/2004
#2: The Matrix - 3/31/1999
#1: The Big Lebowski -3/6/1998

Honourable Mentions: There have always been some solid March Comedies like Hot Tub Time Machine (2010), I Love You, Man (2009), Blades of Glory (2007), Starsky & Hutch (2004), Liar Liar (1997) and Tommy Boy (1995). In addition we may add the Halfbusters Hidalgo (2004), Enemy at the Gates (2001) and the underrated Wahlberg flick Shooter (2007). There aren't nearly as many romantic comedies, but the genre influencing Four Weddings and a Funeral (!994) as well as Pretty Woman (1990) were both March Releases.

I'm not sure where to put the rest, but for what it's worth the worthwhile The Pacificer (2005), the classic Oscar-Winning Marisa Tomei performance in My Cousin Vinny (1992) and the most insane Horror-Comedy ever, Slither (2006) all found their homes originally in March. You can tell how this is a somewhat experimental month but maybe I should say it's totally risky. Films that come out here usually have a decent chance at a buck but it's more a springboard month for careers in both acting and directing. It's Summer Pre-Season more than anything else; a chance to test the waters, play the rookies, hope for future success.

So go see Sucker Punch.

War of the Months: February

Well it's the Third Thursday of the Month, you know what that means! Part of 2011's on-going examination of the greatest films of each and every month, today we're taking a long hard look at the Chilly Month of Love and Groundhogs, February.

February: Month of Love and Horror

There are a lot of bad movies that come out in February. Not nearly as many as January, but it's still a pretty rough dumping ground. It actually has its share of surprisingly decent ones (more on that later), but for the most part it's still Hollywood Hangover. It's the month to make a quick buck. There are typically tons of Romantic Comedies and Cheap Horror Films both designed to get kids in the sack around Valentine's Day. There also tends to be tons of modern blaxploitation films, possibly either from the shared heritage of crappy Comedies or maybe it's just Black History Month.

February and March are typically months when Hollywood is gearing up heavily for Awards. It's almost as if the studios concentrate more on the great films that came out at the end of the past year than films released contemporaneously. This happens more in January and February, with March showcasing its share of Blockbusters as late, but still wholly aberrant of quality film-making.

Box Office Returns - The Passion and Superheroes

Go look at some lists from the Biggest February Weekend Openings. You'll see that The Passion of the Christ (2004) has the #1 spot by a wide margin. This is pretty atypical for a February Release, it simply coincided with the first week of Lent that year. After in the Top Ten that you'll see everything I was describing above. Horror (#2 Hannibal [2001], #8 Friday the 13th [2009]), Romance (#3 Valentine's Day [2010], #5 Hitch [2005], #10 50 First Dates [2004]), Black Comedies (#7 Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail [2009]) and some Superhero Crap (#4 Ghost Rider [2007], #9 Daredevil [2003]). That leaves #6 Shutter Island (2010) as a strange outlier in both quality and box office for February.

If we're keeping track, January's Greatest Month ever was 2010 mostly fueled by the legs of AVABAR (2009). That stood at just a creep over a billion clams (I should write like this all the time). February's Greatest Month Ever is a bit short of that, only $769 Million, which isn't that much higher than the typical January (including this year's). Also like January February has become more popular recently. 2009 was fueled by a handful of decent successes including Coraline, He's Just Not That Into You and the aforementioned Friday the 13th and Madea Goes to Jail. It also always gets a little boost from Oscar Nominees that receive an extended run and interest around this time. See? Flicks from 2008 were particularly strong in this regard (Only 2007 and 2004 nominees have received a higher percentage boost in the past twenty years). This was because most 2008 nominees were small films that no one had seen. Slumdog Millionaire (2008) gained 2,329 theaters and $96.6 million total after its nomination (68% of its Total Gross). So you can start to see where the money is coming from. Not to say it's any huge amount (of all months, only April, September and October are lower), but that's that.

Best Films Ever Released in February:

Now, as I was saying earlier, February has the occasional strange gem among the usual trash. Even one Best Picture Winner from recent memory. It's also interesting that in the mid-1990s we saw a spate of Classic Goofy Cult Comedies, all February Releases. Among these are Wayne's World (1992), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994), Billy Madison (1995), Happy Gilmore (1996) and Black Sheep (1996). Since this streak there have been a spite of pretty decent comedies recently including Saving Silverman (2001), Eurotrip (2004) and Semi-Pro (2008). I actually find myself laughing with all these films tho I realise they won't be found on any other Best Of-List ever. February also naturally features Groundhog Day (1993), which is a fantastic flick, possibly one of Bill Murray's greatest movies where he's not hunting ghosts. I'll add three decent action flicks as honourable mentions, including Pitch Black (2000), Constantine (2005) and Push (2009). But now we'll get into the Top Ten Greatest Movies Ever Released in February:

#10: Be Kind Rewind (2008)
#9: Army of Darkness (1993)
#8: Super Troopers (2001)
#7: The Quick and the Dead (1995)
#6: Old School (2003)
#5: Office Space (1999)
#4: Shutter Island (2010)
#3: Groundhog Day (1993)
#2: Silence of the Lambs (1991)
#1: Taxi Driver (1976)

Before I forget, I don't want to leave out Norbit (2007), Eddie Murphy's fat suit opus. Oh wait...he did that before. Classic February.

So that's that then. Behold the Majesty of the Month of Love. And Snow. Stay tuned next month for our Blockbuster Preview Month, March.

War of the Months: January

Well it's the Second Tuesday of the Month, which can only mean one thing, of course. It's time for the War of the Months! What does that mean? Um...well we here at Norwegian Morning Wood hold a stalwart belief in Superfluous Journalism and dammit, these are things that deserve examination. Each and every month in 2011 we'll be chatting a bit about what these months typically mean for movies, and a handy list of the greatest films ever released in that month. And by ever I mean dating back to around 1989...because that's the last year that Wikipedia has its movies ordered that way. Let's begin!

January: Month of Shit

The first month of the year is a month of new beginnings, resolutions and Holiday Hangovers. For December oncoming snow is a nice reminder that Christmas is right around the corner. January Snow is a reminder that we've got three months left of this shit. January sucks. It's a way to remind us of shit that we should be doing this year, kids have to go back to school after Christmas, and no one really wants to do anything.

So what movies to release? How about all the crap that wasn't good enough for the Holiday Season? Since the cut-off for the Year's Awards Eligibility ends with December 31st, even smaller films that Studios use to bait Oscar Voters have typically come and gone at this point. So all that's left is spectacular shit like Daybreakers (2010) and Bride Wars (2009). Wow. The old standard is thus that January is this rollover month for both quality and box office. The best we'd get is either an Oscar Bait getting a wider release or some other hangover film from the Christmas Season.

Box Office Returns - Mild to Milder:

Here are two cool lists from BoxOfficeMojo.com. The first is the greatest Box Office Opening Weekends in January of All Time. Take a look. Go, absorb and come back. We'll wait.

Okay, notice a few things. Firstly, that the second-highest here is the release of the first Special Edition of Star Wars in 1997. There isn't another film from the 90s or earlier in the Top 30 and that record of $35 million wasn't beat until Cloverfield (2008). That's hideous. But we can also check out the fact that Cloverfield had a pretty decent January opening, mostly due to a viral mystery campaign that actually worked and a gimmicky yet well-executed plot.

In the years since, though, January has proved not to be quite the commercial mire it once was, if not still lacking in any kind of critical success. You can check out Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009), The Book of Eli (2010), the wide release of Gran Torino (2008) and Taken (2009) as all recent January release that eventually made close to or over $100 million. There is this growing feel for January as a spot to put dumb broad comedies or aging action star vehicles. Just shit that is half-good that can make a quick buck. Movies that are really best served being caught at 2 AM Sunday morning on F/X. January is becoming that kind of month - stupid, not even really entertaining movies, but truly brainless features. Something just slightly better to do for two hours than stare at your thumbs.

The second list from BoxOfficeMojo (so convenient), is the Highest Grossing Januaries of All Time. Go look, back, whatever. You may be wondering why 2010 won easily with Blart and Taken boosting 2009. Well, remember AVABAR (2009)? Yeah, that motherfucker wasn't out of theaters for months while making ridiculous bank all over town. January's cash is almost always fueled by Christmas Hangover Films, really only that 2009 contained a handful of flicks that could survive on their own. While Cloverfield had the greatest weekend in 2008, it didn't really sustain the momentum, the first weekend accounted for 50% of its eventual total Box Office.

Best Films Ever Released in January:

This was pretty tough. Eventually I found really only Eight Films released in this month in the past two decades that I've enjoyed. Some are actually kind of surprising to find out. So, in order of least to most liked by only me, here we go:

#8: March of the Penguins - 01/26/05
#7: Taken - 01/30/09
#6: Orange Country - 01/11/02
#5: Kung Pow: Enter the Fist - 01/25/02
#4: Half-Baked - 01/16/98
#3: Cloverfield - 01/18/08
#2: Grandma's Boy - 01/06/06
#1: Smokin' Aces - 01/26/07

Hey, I said it was rough. Like I said before sometimes you can catch the wide release of some flick like 12 Monkeys (1995), There Will Be Blood (2007) or Gran Torino but more often than not for films that originate in January there's this deep aura of shit. Is Smokin' Aces really the Greatest January Movie Ever? Well fuck, I dare you do show me better. That's a really cool movie. Happy 01/11/11.