Summer Jam Week 1: Spring holdovers Kelly, fun., Gotye kick off Summer!

Hello once again to that Immortal Column, the Road to the King of Summer Jam 2012. This will be the last installment of this series, obviously, because this is the last Summer we will ever have. That said, this is the First Week of Our Last Installment, and as it's been for many years before, it's full of some fairly old tracks. I mean, some of these songs first dropped in like...March 2012. Yeah really. What's next, a post about The Hunger Games (2012)? Pfft. Sure thing, gramps. Here are your tracks for the week 05/07 - 05/13:

Hot Drop of the Week: "Mind Your Manners" by Chiddy Bang ft. Icona Pop



We're kicking off each week with the freshest track I've heard that has a good shot at blowing up some spots. Chiddy Bang has a ridiculous name and a lot more talent than he's showing off here. A version of this track actually dropped in 2011 to little to no fanfare at all. It seems to be picking up some airplay now though, and is certainly fresh, digestible, sunny, and positive. Sounds like a good Summer Catch to me, but since it's already failed to catch on once it's certainly a gamble. Tally ho!

Inoffensive Pop Rock: "Glad You Came" by The Wanted

Besides naming their big track after what I told my girlfriend last night, The Wanted is a band bereft of talent. It's almost as if they can't sing along to the beats of their own song. Still, this seems like it's been ever-present on the radio for weeks and that's bleeding into Summer. It certainly shouldn't last that long, nothing about this track is memorable.

The Wanted's Doppelganger: "Feel So Close" by Calvin Harris

More of that pop rock crap, "Feel So Close" is no greater a song than "Glad You Came" but it is a hell of a lot catchier. Calvin Harris' voice dips and ducks around this song, even if the lyrics are horrendously generic. Again, there isn't a lot to differentiate this from the rest of the pack, but it does tend to lodge itself in your brain.

The Spritely Little Bitch: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepson

Hearing Carly Rae Jepsen gives me this image of a Rebecca Black who can actually sing. Well, sort-of sing. It seems like such a teeny-bopper track, one better for the end of school rather than the Throes of Summer. It should be a fitting Graduation and Prom song for all those kids out there, then fizzle sometime when it really starts heating up.

Flo Rida's Winning Streak: "Wild Ones" by Flo Rida ft. Sia

Flo Rida is the perfect Summer Jam Master. His pair of big hits this year (the other being, "Good Feeling") have been a bit more substantial to them, which is cool. That said, I still had to look up "Good Feeling" to remember what it was called. That's the trick with Flo Rida - does anyone remember any of his tracks a month after they stop playing? Go lift some more weights and trim that beard, buddy.

Somehow, the Pop God: "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye ft. Kimbra

This is the weirdest pop hit in years, almost reminiscent of how Foster the People created this huge mainstream upsurge from this drastically new and different sound in 2011. Gotye is a cool dude and completely disinterested in the extent of his pop success. I actually haven't gotten to rant about this dude as much as I've liked, including one of the Greatest Music Videos of All Time, its ridiculous amount of YouTube hits (208 million and counting), and how someone thought this song would be improved by adding a drum track. That kind of confounds me - this needs no "improvement."

Girl, Where'd that Weight Come From? "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)" by Kelly Clarkson

I like this song. I think Kelly sings her heart out, proves why she's been the only relevant Idol in the past decade, and assures the world that she can take a break and then come back and make some hits. But seriously girl, do some sit-ups or something. Those lunch lady arms are atrocious, are you trying to pull off some Adele shit? Even if the burgers don't kill you, they aren't making you stronger. I'm not trying to set some impossible Pop Standard for women here or anything, and I think that kind of pressure is grossly unfair, but what happened to Miss Independent? This your health girl, what are you, 30? She's still got her sass, though, which is important.

The Next Huge Rock Band? "We Are Young" by fun. ft. Janelle Monáe

Oh fun. What a grammatical nightmare you guys are. It's so irritating typing fun. in the middle of a sentence, there's no proper noun convention and a misplaced punctuation that completely interrupts any clause, it's atrocious. That said, some have already christened this group of douchebags as the future of Rock and Pop. That's just not true. It's an admittedly good song with some very distinctive vocals, but I think these guys are lucky, not talented. This ought to chug along for a while more, it's the kind of song that's tough to get sick of, and there's no reason they can't continue their rise for a bit.

Next week...

This year's installment is certainly more art than science. Gone are our precise calculations in favour of a more freewheeling, easy-going system of whatever feels right, baby. We'll see who charges ahead, but all of these tracks are fairly stale. I'm waiting for Nicki to make her move, but I think "Starships" just didn't break at the right time. Unfortunately, there really isn't that much more on Roman Reloaded (2012). We've also got Bieber and a really awful Maroon 5 song to pay attention to. The Season's wide open.

Best of 2011: Music

Hello once again folks to this week's lookback at the best, biggest, and brightest bulbs of 2011. Today we're reminiscing about the Modal Nodes of the past year, the songs, the albums, the trends, music videos and everything else we can think of. This really was a big year for a handful of artists and it's difficult to talk in depth about all of them, so let's tear this apart piece by piece:

Song of the Year: "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele



Unfortunately I am so completely numb to this track because of its incessant overplaying, but it had both the critical success, longevity, and popularity to heartily secure a top spot for the year, even if LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem" beat it for Summer Jam. Now, there were certainly a ton of songs emblematic of 2011 but let's go through just a handful:

Runners Up:
"I Just Had Sex" by The Lonely Island
"Firework," "E.T." and "Last Friday Night" by Katy Perry
"Black and Yellow" by Wiz Khalifa
"Buzzin'" by Mann ft. 50 Cent
"Moment for Life" by Nicki Minaj ft. Drake
"Born this Way" by Lady GaGa
"Just Can't Get Enough" and "The Time" by The Black Eyed Peas
"Look at Me Now" by Chris Brown
"Down on Me" by Jeremih ft. 50 Cent
"Grenade," "The Lazy Song" and "It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars
"How to Love" by Lil Wayne
"Give Me Everything" by Pitbull
"Till The World Ends" by Britney Spears
 "Tonight I'm Lovin' You" by Enrique Iglesias
"On the Floor" by Jennifer Lopez
"Party Rock Anthem" and "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO
"Moves like Jagger" by Maroon 5 ft. Christina Aguilera
"Superbass" by Nicki Minaj
"S&M" and "We Found Love" by Rihanna
"Someone Like You" by Rihanna

Now for The Best Singles of 2011:
"Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green
"Changing" by The Airborne Toxic Event
"The Dog Days are Over" by Florence + The Machine
"6 foot, 7 foot" by Lil Wayne
"The Show Goes On" by Lupe Fiasco
"Make Some Noise" by The Beastie Boys
"Pumped up Kicks" by Foster the People
"Paradise" by Coldplay
"Walk" by The Foo Fighters
"Yonkers" by Tyler the Creator
"Lonely Boy" by The Black Keys

Album of the Year: 21 by Adele

Adele gets the Number 1 Album of the year but there were certainly some other bright spots. The Red Hot Chili Peppers launched a very complete set of songs with I'm With You and the Beastie Boys set new white rapping heights and some incredible beats with Hot Sauce Committee, Part Two. Adding to an assault on the rap world was Kanye and Jay-Z's Watch the Throne collaboration, which would seem to defy almost every common way to release and promote an album, a truly charitable and humble gesture if not for the incessant lyrics about how awesome and rich they are. Lastly we have GaGa's Born this Way, which I believe is an album that will last longer than it appears, although upon first listen it doesn't appear to be anything worthy of its own hype. The songs are very wide-ranging in blending genres while also catered more and more to a very specific audience. Time will tell. Finally, to finish off the year Coldplay gave us Mylo Xyloto, possibly their last album and more than likely their greatest.

Artist of the Year: Adele

With the Top Track and Album of the year, Adele owns 2011. Katy Perry put up an extremely strong fight but essentially Adele was able to nab the title because her songs aren't terrible. There were plenty of other chick competitors from Dev and Nicki Minaj to GaGa who seems to be putting out a greater amount of niche hits rather than strong mainstream work like Katy Perry. There were also strong revivals for Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, and Jennifer Lopez. Yep, it was pretty wacky. Throw in a few decent hits by Kelly Clarkson and we might as well be traveling ten years backwards in musical pop culture. Towards the end of the year, Beyoncé and Rihanna also surged to push the Pop Queen Title of 2011 into blurry distances, but by that point "Someone Like You" simultaneously secured Adele as the Queen Bee.

Three of the hugest old-but-not-that-old rock groups in the world also all had great years. The Foo Fighters may have enjoyed the most success early on although Coldplay ended the year fantastically, while the Red Hot Chili Peppers delivered one of the most listenable albums of the year along with the mild hit "The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie." It's pretty notable that all three of these groups delivered some tunes as good as they've ever done. All of these guys are dwarfed commercially, tho certainly not critically, by Maroon 5 who had a banner year, halfway due to Adam Levine's presence on NBC's only hit that isn't Sunday Night Football, The Voice. Cake also put forth a new album, which has some great tracks but didn't make all that big of a splash.

New as a solo artist but certainly not the industry, Cee Lo Green had a tremendous year that he has mostly turned into a couple TV Gigs. We can also mention Cali Swag District coming through for Hip Hop as well as Flo Rida whose "Good Feeling" got huge at the end of the year, incredibly giving Rida a Winter Jam-worthy track. Lil Wayne and Drake seem to always be present, as are Kanye and Jay-Z who collaborated on one of the better albums of the year, Watch the Throne. Blink and you'd miss Dr. Dre this year.

There were some other artists who had had only small hits before 2011 but really landed on everyone's radar, including Cobra Starship, The Black Keys, Gym Class Heroes, and Cage the Elephant.

New Artist of the Year: Adele

Adele is sweeping everything, clearly. There were tons of these kinds of pop/rock chicks that seemed to rise out of no where like Christina Perry, Skylar Grey, Demi Lovato, and The Band Perry all vying for those Sara Bareilles-type music. Alongside Adele with quality far superior to any of these chicks though is Florence + The Machine, which seem to come straight out of Stevie Nicks' linen closet. We were also treated to Dragonette's fantastic voice on Martin Solveig's "Hello." With Solveig and David Guetta it seems as if we've somehow arrived in the DJ age, which is...terrible.

Concerning Hip-Hop DJ Khaled, Tinie Tempah, and New Boyz all had pretty big years, but I don't see any of these cats lasting all that long. Rather Wiz Khalifa seems to be this year's B.o.B., with enough talent to rap alongside the big boys. Big Sean is in about the same boat, and if these rappers need to do anything it's to try to differientiate themselves. Much less mainstream but Tyler the Creator is probably the best artist to come out of 2011, tho his variety of emotionally intense and verbally abusive metal-hop isn't likely to catch radios on fire.

This was actually also a great year for rock bands. The only success story better than Adele may be Foster the People, whose "Pumped up Kicks" should propel them into rock relevancy. Other quality rock artists include Young the Giant, The Joy Formidable, Hollywood Undead, and The Naked And Famous. There is a certain airiness to some of these cats and it's tough to say if any of them will be relevant in 10 years' time. Superheavy, a new band full of...very old people, is one of the funkier sounds to come out of the year, but I'm not going crazy over anything they've done. My favourite new band of 2011 by far is The Sheepdogs, if only because I also want to grow a thick beard, listen to nothing but Allman Brothers and live in Saskatchewan.

Music Video of the Year: "Make Some Noise" by the Beastie Boys

For any further proof you need, check this out. Some of the other great vids of the year are all very different, but equally awesome. "Lonely Boy" by The Black Keys is a bizarre single-take dance trip, far better than the similar-themed "Lotus Flower" by Radiohead. Tyler the Creator's "Yonkers" is one of those videos that really hits you the first time you see it and is a tremendous exclamation of this dude's arrival on the rap scene. The last really great vid this year is Beyoncé's "Countdown," which is crazy in every sort of good Beyoncé-type way.


We also got Rebecca Black this year. Irreplaceable.

Dueling Banjos: GaGa's "The Edge of Glory" vs. Katy's "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)"

During my very heavy daily pop culture intake, I noticed some similarities between two major videos circling around from both of our Greatest Pop Queens, Katy Perry and Lady GaGa (go cry your glitter away, Ke$ha). Lady GaGa's "The Edge of Glory" is a departure from her usual insanity, it's stripped down, elegant and boosts the merit of a good song. Katy Perry's "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) is an 8-minute long bad 80s flashback with all the requisite bad acting and awkward moments that should put no dent in an insane career this year. Let's start the duel!

Dee do dee do dee dum do dee dum



dum dee dum dum do do dum dee do



dum dum...whatever

There is this 80s obsession with both of these songs, though unique in distinction. GaGa has presented an transposition of the decade by making something that looks like it could have sprung from it. The neon lights, the leather, the solitary street dancing evokes "Billie Jean" mixed with "Express Yourself." If we look at two other videos released this week, you can notice a handful of contemporary trends that "The Edge of Glory" lacks: 1) Aggression, 2) CGI and 3) a plot. GaGa has thrown away all the innovations that she had started with epics like "Telephone," "Alejandro" and "Judas" - the return to the longform video, the complex plotting and themes and an escalating sense of purpose and self-congratulation. "The Edge of Glory" thus slides perfectly in sequence to what GaGa seeks to attain: unpredictability along with refusal to be pinned down into a stereotype or genre.

The only thing shining through "The Edge of Glory" is GaGa's obsession with the 80s. Her whole Born this Way (2011) album is musically obsessed with the 80s and this video is no different. Smoke fills the streets in monochromatic blues and pinks and GaGa prances around a limited set, only interrupted by Clarence Clemons (who passed away just ten days ago) blasting some Sax on a stoop. The problem with GaGa imitating Madonna is that it ruins both of their originality. Madonna used to change her look and style all the time, it's part of what made her interesting and an attention-grabbing icon. Of course nowadays the only way to grab attention is to wear Meat Dresses and Giant Egg Shells (doesn't Weird Al in drag look creepily like Jenna Krakowski [or at least Will Forte impersonating her character on 30 Rock]?). Copying Madonna tends to wreck them both. Then again, it's really only as bad as Madonna began to rip off Marilyn Monroe.

Anyway, while GaGa completely steeps herself in 80s nostalgia through basic themes and emulation, Katy doesn't really get farther than simple homage. The video of "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" contains tons of really obvious 80s tropes, from the clothing style to the house party...actually that's about it. It does revolve around this Suburban World that was more prevalent in the 1980s via flicks like Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) and...well, just about any John Hughes movie. It's 80s but only really on the surface. "Last Friday Night" seems like it's jumping on the bandwagon zeitgeist in almost every possible way, which is a likely reason that "The Edge of Glory" has only had around 11,000,000 views to "Last Friday Night's" 35,000,000 in roughly the same timespan. GaGa videos typically average over 100,000,000 lifetime and should do better than this in their first two weeks. It's a tough vid to get into though, it doesn't require many repeat viewings to process the entire message.

"Last Friday Night" is positioned beautifully in the zeitgeist. It's basically a good song for Fridays to answer against Rebecca Black the way "California Gurls" answered "Empire State of Mind" on behalf of the West Coast. Naturally Rebecca appears herself in the "Last Friday Night" video as the official Queen of Friday who must teach the horrible looking Kathy Beth Terry (who looks and acts retarded by the way, another departure from Katy's boobs on constant display. Oh there they go. Aw c'mon, they kept the braces on her?!). Anyone notice Rebecca actually looks pretty good and cute in this vid? Like, she looks better than Katy for most of it? Wait, why the fuck are they playing a Kinect featuring 70s style avatars? This vid really makes Katy into an absolute attention whore even if that isn't her stated intention. Bullshit, by the way. And Clarence Clemons really does play mean 80s Sax on that GaGa vid. The real Sax for "Last Friday Night" is Lenny Pickett. And Katy is 26, GaGa is 25, how come the latter is the one that seems years ahead of her time already?

This is a strange analogy, but I think of these two videos like two of my favourite movies that came out last year, MacGruber (2010) and Hot Tub Time Machine (2010). MacGruber sought to emulate 80s action movies, for viewers to place it among the best there is - satirically of course. It's 80s nature springs from its own internal world. Hot Tub Time Machine's 80s Nostalgia is externally generated - it's about clashing cultures across time periods with successful homage and commentary. "The Edge of Glory" is MacGruber and "Last Friday Night" is Hot Tub Time Machine, but in this case the commentary fails beyond surface level annoyance rather than generational insight (and hilarity! Ugh! Did you have pineapple today?!).

Oh and I still have no idea why everyone loves the 80s so much. I hate the fucking 80s. Let's bring back some 90s! Z-Bots and Legends of the Hidden Temple! Ugh that decade also sucks.

Two Year Anniversary Post!

Karate!

Holy crap it's been two whole years already. A blog that started a long time ago on a prayer and multiple posts about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) is now running on weekly goat sacrifices and multiple posts about THOR (2011). Oh how far we've come. Last year we went through the best posts of Year One, let's now talk about the Cream of the Crop from Year Two:

#5: Profiles: Admiral Ackbar - Funny Squidface or Tragic Icon? 22 Oct 2010

This is the kind of post that surmises a lot of what I try to do here: make ridiculous possible inferences from terribly stupid sources. I really believe everything I wrote about Ackbar here and there is some depth to this dude that no one cares about, but that's part of the post modern joke as well. It's the clash of nostalgia, reason, fandom and intelligent analysis. Is worthwhile examination of the worthless worthwhile? Who knows but it passes a few minutes online.

#4: Because it's....FRIDAY! A Much Deeper than Necessary Analysis of Rebecca Black - 22 Apr 2011

This is the same kind of thing that Ackbar was. The fact that Rebecca Black exists is insane, we needed a post like this to justify what the hell she is doing in our lives, invading our Fridays. This post alone probably has more information that you ever wanted or needed about Rebecca Black. Chances are by the time you're reading this you've forgotten who Rebecca Black was or the fact that she dominated our zeitgeist for two weeks in the April of 2011. I wanted to rationalise how she could exist and read the deepest possible insight into one of the worst songs of all time.

#3: First Impressions: THOR, the Cultural Context of an Event Film - 10 May 2011

I had a really good string of late April / May posts and I think I really nailed what I wanted to with this one. I care about pop culture influence more than any movie or music's critical or commercial worth and that's the niche that THOR squirmed into. Or at least attempted to. It's an underevaluated part of our culture that seems to creep everywhere without anyone really paying attention. We've become so inundated with marketing and advertising that we basically accept it as part of our lives now. That's also why this post is so integral towards promoting whatever integrity of story remains.

#2: Because I watched it on DVD: The Competing Realities of Anchorman - 09 Jul 2010

This is another post that put into words why I want to love this movie so much for reasons beyond the simplistic "It's funny and quotable!" While Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) has its fervent supporters and fair share of detractors, there is something incredible within this movie that regardless of Will Ferrell's subsequent criticism remains intact. I had some big words and intelligent layouts in this post so it's worth checking out, dudes.

#1: The History and Symbolism of Fight for Your Right Revisited, Part I & II - 03 May 2011 and 06 May 2011

This was probably my biggest post ever and actually took me hours of research and analysis to compose. I watched Fight for Your Right Revisited a dozen times over and spent many long hours into the night crosschecking Beastie Boys Lore and still missed a few easter eggs (thanks loyal readers for providing additional insight). It is an exhaustive post to read as well, without leaving any stone unturned, which is the only way to treat something as fantastic as Revisited. It's rewarding for any Beastie fan and I think rewarding for any fan of cinema as well but it's got to be tough if you came here looking for pics of Snooki's Boobs or The Juggernaut Bitch. This is probably NMW's lifetime best post however and if you're a fan of our style at all, worth checking out.

It was tough only picking the Top Five (I did Top Six last year for some reason), but I also enjoy debunking myths that Award Shows are important with On Ricky Gervais and Awards Show Hosting (19 Jan 2011), defending both Kanye West (13 Nov 2010) and the Miami Heat (07 Mar 2011) and finally, our extensive looks at the State of SNL (04 Apr 2011)and of course, How to Write Your Own Hangover.

Well that's it for Year Two. What's in store for Year Three you ask? I can about guarantee more of the same crap. Fare thee well dear readers!

Because it's....FRIDAY! A Much Deeper than Necessary Analysis of Rebecca Black

IT'S FRIDAY! More specifically it's a Friday in April in the year 2011 CE which necessitates playing the ultimate Friday song at the loudest possible volume. Loverboy? Hell no, it's time for some "Friday" baby - sing it, girl!



Ugh. Wow. Um...yikes. Is it still Friday? Okay then, okay, okay. Let's keep listening to that again. Rough. Rough stuff. Okay that's shit. So needless to say, let's examine every little possible facet of this girl and her terrible song.

Rebecca was born the day after Batman & Robin (1997) came out in theaters. I'm not sure if we should blame overzealous Clooney fans in the hospital for her idiocy but we might as well. Put that in your mind though, her birth month also included Con Air, Face/Off and Speed 2: Cruise Control. Shit. In late 2010 her mommy approached the ARK Music Factory with the intent to producer her song, which the company wrote for her. Just so we're clear, ARK's official YouTube channel is "trizzy66" and "Friday" counts for 83% of the channel's 136,765,171 as of April 22, 2011. This is really just the tip of the Shittiness Iceberg.

Rebecca Black in a Greater Pop Culture Context:

Before we fully dive in here I really think this whole thing is actually a very interesting ordeal. Rebecca Black is actually pretty difficult to make fun of because every single thing about her is so obviously stupid. It's not like other massive Pop Culture objects of ridicule like Jersey Shore or Sarah Palin that have lots of genuine supporters as well as clear points of parody that they both were willing to exploit. "Friday" is the most disliked video in YouTube history (2,277,260 and counting, an 88% disapproval rating) and has so many obvious faults across every imaginable influential demographic - its popularity is exceedingly negative, truly lying in Infamy rather than prostigidy.

I think it's interesting that she's really only gained this fame through the internet. I haven't heard "Friday" once on a single radio or television station but it's on the minds of Pop Culture junkies everywhere. It's a sign of Pop Culture literally caving in and eating itself. It is so bad for the sake of bad, any enjoyment is completely ironic. It's a sure element of zeitgeist only because it is so inconceivably terrible that everyone needs to listen to it. Rebecca Black isn't like Justin Bieber or Twilight which are just preteen fads. She's a completely talentless girl thrust so suddenly into the spotlight because of her lack of talent rather than the contrary. She's not an idol or a sensation. She's a national joke - the meta-joke then becomes a reevaluation of fame: Is she any less worthy of the spotlight as long as she's getting the spotlight? If the aftereffects of fame through talent and fame through lack of talent are virtually identical (besides a swelling of negative criticism she is still a household name and still wealthy [tho she is giving lots of it away supposedly], the results of her 15 minutes is congruent) is this a sign of a truly postmodern society fueled on irony over sincerity? Needless to say the answer is yes.

Learn the Days of the Week with Rebecca Black!

Alright, so why is this thing so bad? Well, firstly the song has some of the most simplistic lyrics in a mainstream pop song ever. Just for kicks, skim this over. Here is the most painful chunk:

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today is Friday, Friday (Partying)
We we we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today
Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes afterwards

Again as you can see, the problems here are so blatant that I have difficulty pointing them out. It's the most basic concept of Friday imaginable. No mention of Frige at all nor ABC's successful TGIF Line-up in the mid-90s, I mean, what else is there to say about Friday? Oh that it comes after Thursday. And before Saturday. And Sunday of course is afterwards. Actually the use of afterwards is slightly off here; according to this (I had to look up in three dictionaries [including one...in print] before I found a differentiating definition) the correct use should be simply "afterward." But then of course who's to take grammar lessons from a girl saying "We we we so excited." That's actually probably acceptable; if it's spoken fast the human ear tends to blur "we're" into "we" pretty well but when Rebecca sings it so flat and clear along with WRITTEN LYRICS IN THE FUCKING VIDEO it just highlights her grammatical difficulties. That's awful.

We're so excited. Please don't give up school for this.

This Bitch Needs More Auto-Tune

Rebecca has one of the flattest, boring monosyllabic styles of singing I've ever heard. AND she actually does have some Auto-Tune use in the song! I'm just thinking of Ke$ha without the magic voice box and...and Rebecca needs something. Actually Auto-Tune is not going to help your voice if there's no inflection, no passion or variation.

I think it was actually awesome then when Stephen Colbert covered the track on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon he purposely (Wait...I hope so) sang without much spirit in a very flat style. Here is that track. By the way, why the hell does NBC keep screwing itself like this - not allowing awesome Viral Videos like this to go online to everyone? I have to give you a backwards YouTube link like this. As if DarthMikael69 is really ripping them off. NBC has some incredible quality that it just doesn't get out there due to some really stymie Internet policies. That's the topic for a whole other post though. For now let's just enjoy Jimmy Fallon adeptly covering every terrible kid song produced for hopefully the next decade.

As for her body language and physical performance, Rebecca is also terrible. She has this awkward uncomfortable sway through it all that really matches well with her flat awkward singing. You can tell she's just a suburban kid suddenly for some reason in the national spotlight and she really just wanted to make a song for her friends to do whatever they think "partying" on a Friday is (popcorn, jammies and up until 11 O'CLOCK!!!11!1!@). It's insane.

Rebecca Black in a Societal Context:

I think "Friday" is an emblematic song for many problems facing typical American teenagers. What's the roughest decision of the day? Front seat or back seat. That's about it. It's an era of security, helicopter parenting and smart phones completely devoid of serious problems. I want to see Rebecca Black's Libyan equivalent right now (that's probably excessive, Bryan). But really, it's such utter garbage devoid of true artistic pain or depth. I mean, even Miley Cyrus' "The Climb" is about something. Rebecca is just about nothing, and not a commentary on nothing either, it's not wholly nihilistic. It's just trash.

No, you haven't had enough yet.

I also find a couple of her other lyrics an interesting commentary on the state of American Society. She opens with "Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs / Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal / Seeing everything, the time is going / Ticking on and on, everybody's rushing." Note the urgency with each dull task as well as the complacency. Her life is built into a routine driven by socio-cultural factors to act in a certain way that conforms to a Consumer-based model of American Life. Her only freedom really comes on Friday when she cuts loose, ducks the bus stop only to arrive at a greater challenge - Front Seat or Back Seat?

This becomes actually one of the only things in her life she can actually choose. This also pertains to Rebecca herself. She didn't choose her song lyrics, her fame, her image or her criticism. All she is left with is Front Seat or Back Seat - the most meaningless decisions possible. We can note that in the lyrics she never decides - she is stuck on the choice and then gives up - after all, it's Fucking Friday. Friday liberates her from the dull choice and she creates a third option - Partying, Partying Yeah. Fun Fun Fun Fun.

Wait, Now What is this Black Guy Doing Here?

Halfway through this song this random Rapper comes out driving some car through an urban environment (contrasting with the obvious suburban location, tone and image of Rebecca) and has this cute little rap. The song quickly fires back to Rebecca finishing at some Suburban House Party. I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out the purpose of this number in an otherwise very Chick Pop-y song.

The easiest reason is that the Black Dude in the video is the Co-Founder of ARK Music Factory and the writer of "Friday," Patrice Wilson (whose name I actually had a difficult time tracking down). Mr. Wilson obviously wanted to piggyback on Rebecca's incoming success and the best way to do that and get out there himself was to actually appear in the song itself as well as in the Writing and Producing Credits. The problem is that the rap part has no place with the tone of the song other than to drastically increase the ironic absurdity.

What is with this blend of Chick Pop and Hip-Hop? I blame Xtina again, although Redman actually fits pretty well with that song's theme (Because it's fucking "Dirrty" - Redman belongs in that world and helped secure Christina's new image by initiating her into that world), but I still wonder about the methodology. Do producers believe that they need to expand their base audience into males (black or otherwise) by adding rap verses into tracks otherwise limited to Young Women / Perverts? Instead of uniting demographics I believe it splits them apart - the girls aren't attracted to the hard rap (not always true) and the hetero guys are certainly turned off by the Girl Pop.

That being said, there are lots of rap songs that girls like and they're certainly moreover the ones without many guns or ho's mentioned. I think Katy and Snoop's "California Gurls" is enjoyable by both genders which contributed to its huge crossover success last summer. Others like Jay-Z inexplicably appearing at the start of Rihanna's "Umbrella" leads rap fans in and then just screws them over with Pop for the rest of the song. There have been some interesting developments blending this whole idea lately as collaboration becomes more and more popular.Nicki Minaj's opening rap in "Moment 4 Life" is by far the best part of that song tho she sings the rest and Drake is just terrible. She needs more rapping actually, we get it, you can sing. Do what's unique about you, Nicki. She certainly bridges this male/female standard gap however. Likewise Kanye's competent rapping sandwiches Katy's verses in "E.T." which adds a bit of complexity to the standard format of rapping in that third verse (which you see everywhere from "Friday" to fucking "We Are the World 25 for Haiti"). Actually I'm starting to like how Eminem doesn't trust his singing at all and brings in girls like Rihanna and Skylar Grey to fill in the hooks.

Where the hell was I?

Oh yeah, it's Friday. Time to party.