Country Meat-Grinder Classics - The Hellson Horror

The Hellson Horror is the first in (hopefully) Tim Snider's new line of "hicksploitation" DCC adventures. His vision of Country Meat-Grinder Classics is 1930's Appalachian-like area cut off from "proper" civilization and in a perpetual backwoods tech, knowledge, and society. Guns and cars/trucks exist but aren't reliable.  Folk magic and superstition are common, but powerful stuff is the stuff or demonic bargains and dark witches. That being said, this can definitely be adapted to The Shudder Mountains, Weird Frontiers, or my Portsmaw setting. 

This adventure is for a group of 2nd level characters. Years ago a wealthy family came to the aid of starving locals. Unfortunately this depleted what they had and they couldn't keep up. The matron of the family made an infernal bargain and all were saved. Unfortunately a year ago the payment came due and now they most feed folks to a monstrous creature. The party get involved with their cousin Vinny goes missing on a hunting trip.

Tim has done a fantastic job with this one. I love the Hellsons and he's done a great job coming up with creepy features for the family. With just a sentence or two per family member, he's made them all fall unique. The devil-sows and Hawgziller are great foes too. Finally, as someone that grew up in Appalachia, I appreciate his use of polecat. 

If you want to add a taste of Appalachia to your game, grab a copy here. Below I've listed a few things I'd do to customize the adventure to some compatible settings. 

In Shudder Mountains

Replace guns with bows and the pickups with wagons. Other than that, this really works as is. I think I would change Xxyzxx to 'Ol Blackcloak. This doesn't change things greatly, just gives you more of chance to give exposure to established devils in the setting.

In Weird Frontiers

Really not much needs to change for Weird Frontiers. Like Shudder Mountains just change pickups to stage coaches or wagons. If you want to keep it Appalachian, you could set the adventure in Kentucky. Xxyzxx could become Shub-Niggurath since that fecund entity is said to operate there. 

In Country Crawl Classics

Honestly you don't need to change anything. Maybe add some nudie mags for flavor and make sure someone falls in the swamp crap. I guess you could change the crocodile to a meth-gator if you really wanted.

In Portsmaw

Replace guns and pickups and this works in Portsmaw as is. The taint of Xxzxx could create a sorghum ooze or two.

Beware The Meth-Gators!

Meth Gators have been in the news lately. While drugs would be too diluted to actually affect gators, it's a great monster idea. Feel free to add meth-gators to  your Country Crawl Classics and Umerica games. Don't be surprised if a version of this ends up in a Lone Bards zine in the future.

Meth-Gator

Init +1, Atk Bite +4 melee (3d4); AC 18; HD 4d8; MV 30' or Swim 40'; Act 1d20/1d14; SP camouflage, exploding heart, hyper aware; SV Fort +5, Ref +2, Will -3; AL N

Meth-gators are masters of camouflage and receive a +10 bonus to all attempts at hiding. The drugs coursing through their system also make them hyper aware, giving them a +5 bonus to spotting intruders in their swampy domains. However, the drugs coursing through their system has negative effects. If a meth-gator fumbles on an attack it's heart violently explodes, leaving those within a 15 radius splattered in gator gore.

What Is Flammable Hospital?

I had a nice chat the other day with Jarrett Crade, the twisted mastermind behind Country Crawl Classics. Towards the end of the conversation he mentioned noticing my copy was damaged and asked if I'd like a fresh copy. Today I received my new copy AND a copy of a probably related item, Flammable Hospital. I say they are probably related because they were made by a lot of the same mad folk and one of the endings from CCC has your characters arriving at Flammable Hospital.

So what is Flammable Hospital? Well it's a hospital that's constantly on fire. It's also a treatise/memoir on the act of writing and getting high legally. Finally, its a 12 page zine (counting inside covers) of a bizarre TV soap opera meets wtf charts and tables. There's a name chart, a couple of character creation charts, one zero level, and another variable. There's an extremely bizarre random events chart, and some other just weird tables and such. There is a map of the hospital and a list of the the departments.

Honestly, I'm not 100% what to make of Flammable Hospital. What is it? It's an exercise in zine madness. I love it though. It's just so weird and I really appreciate Jarrett sending me a copy.

YeeHaw!!!! (Country Crawl Classics Review)

I recently received my DCC Holy Grail, Country Crawl Classics. I didn't know this marvel existed until Daniel Bishop posted about it last year. This was created by a veritable conglomeration of DCC folks and Daniel lists them in his post.

CCC feels like Adventure Time if you gave it some dip, backwoods hooch, and forced it to listen to Merle Haggard and Waylon Jennings for three days straight. Or if you combined Redneck Zombies and Smokey and the Bandit, but decided to have Tom Waits do the soundtrack. Oh and add some Idiocracy and Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator into the mix for good measure.

The zine contains character generation (including occupations and equipment). There's a new feature called the misery die. This lowers your characters rolls but will eventually reward your character with increased lucky when you pass the misery around.

There is a running CCC on the fly section which lets you run a game of Country Crawl Classics anywhere and anytime (though I don't recommend doing doing Sunday school). The charts are all entertaining and had me laughing.  There is a funnel adventure that includes cannibals and space vampires. There are also several new critters to face, the fearsome being Elvis AI! Country Crawl Classics can easily be used for a hillbilly Umerican game if that's an idea that interests you.

Okay this zine is no where near politically correct or polite. Michael Curtis gave Appalachian culture a respectful representation in The Chained Coffin. You're not going to find that here. This plays on all of the negative stereotypes of country folk and is a bleak game. Thing is, even though I’m proud of my Appalachian upbringing, I’ve witnessed the darker side that inspired this first hand. That’s why I don’t find this offensive. The topics are presented in an absurd way. Honestly, I can't wait to run it for my friends. I might even come up with some new content for it.