Where's the Exploitation?

Is it wrong that while an American's life hung in the balance over the weekend, I was thinking that someone should make an exploitation movie about Somali pirates? In fact, I consulted an expert in high-concept movie packaging for the best way to exploit the headlines.

Expert: "SOMALI PIRATES...CAPTURE BOATLOAD OF...REALITY SHOW CONTESTANTS...THE GOVERNMENT SENDS IN...CRACK TEAM OF...MIXED MARTIAL ARTISTS...THEY FIGHT WITH KNEES...ELBOWS...AND GRAPPLING...IN THE ADEN TRIANGLE."

The only thing I'd add myself, albeit reluctantly, but knowing what this movie needs to be made, is a giant sea monster. I leave it to you to visualize it all.