there are like gazillions of people in this world but why did she choose you?

i had a blast today with nana and aliyah. they are always up for something mischiveous . haha. we transferred the dowries early in them morning. and we had brunch at city plaza. that place is getting worse by the minute. i collected my developed pictures and was satisfied with the results =) haha. later, bear texted me saying that he's in pacific. haha. we, being the girls that we are, rushed to get up and ready and in 15 mins, we're in pacific already. haha. it's kinda awkward when it is just us and bear. haha. i thnk so too.

when i reached home, my mom was cleaning the porch *guilty* and me, being the eldest daughter spent the whole day outside the house. sorry ma. and my dad was just leaving for work, he has to monitor the finals i think. the best part of my day was, i had to tutor aiman ,preparing him for his next and last paper which is principals of accounting. how i wish i could take the paper and not take the far250 exam. how easy life would be??

talking about how easylife would be , did u guys read about the mumbai attack. the whole thing is very scary. the innocents that died with no apparent reason, shows just how short life can be.
and life is something that u can never take for granted. it's more than having fun all the time, it is more than having the perfect clothes, shoes and jeans, definitely more than having the right boyfriend and friends, and definitely more than just studying and discovering it from just a book. life is so much more than that.

and bear, how i wish u will read this but i hope you dont ,and if you have decided to go on with whatever it is that u decide, please do it for the sake of doing it and not for the sake of doing it just to suck the hell out of me, please. thank you. i told you, life is more than just finding the right friend. alright everyone, lets go bed. life is so much easier and fun when you're asleep. hahaha
gdnite.

i am only human with no super power.

hello people.

how was your day? i filled my day today with the presence of only family members and only them, up until 8.30pm. i am going out with my frens at 8.30 pm onwards. hahaha. i am physically tired because i have been sleeping late and waking up early. i should be sleeping early today because i need to send the hantaran early in the morning tmoro. guys, its a group chores ok. haha.

anyway, i am quite pissed these days with the way someone is sending me the text messages. its better if you can just shut up and say nothing rather than leaving me unnecessary remarks. its not hurtful, its just annoying yet irritating. i am just normal human being and god knows, i have no super power. if i could have a shield to protect my heart , eyes and ears i would do so. that is , if only but we all know that is impossible. just dont exceed my limit. i might just leave you. just dont say anything if you have nothing nice to say ok babe. i am a girl and don't u ever call me sensitive because you're the one who lacks of manner.

i better be going now. i need to pick up nana and aliyah for dinner. mysara said something interesting "something to bitch about while makan tomyam " hahahahah. this is very true. and no, we don't bitch around like other bitches. we only gossip about important topics. hahaha. just a second ago, i found a picture of ashton kutcher. he cut his hair and now he looks extra tembam . its ok. cute jgak. hahaa. tata!

dont compare ok.

how i will always cherish this. i miss this!!!

anyway, within 10 hrs, i'll be in kedah. haha.
mysara, dont compare my blog to hers ok. its not worth it. i need my fish first to make it FUN. for anybody to make fun of it. hahaha. some risks that i am not willing to take. as it is, someone was asking and telling me on how i should do a blog because girls love to write everything. *tebatuk kejap* hahaha. scary plak masa dia ckp tu. CANNOT tekantoi ok.

the bad news for today is i will be leaving kedah again this sunday for jakarta trip. as much as i am looking forward to it, i still wanna be in alostar with my friends. we'll be doing some sins from our bitching activities. hahahahaha. gosh, that sounded so harsh. haha. just for me to be in alostar, i had to argue with my mom. mama mama. im 19 mama, come on. i wanna be with my friends just because aight.

i cooked just now. rice crispies! haha. it is so gooooood. i wanna go down and mkn lg! i was planning to bake a cake or something but since i have only 5 days in alostar, there wont be enough time for everything is it?? fiz, cant wait for u to come back! haha. i cant wait for u to bring home my wrapped with love perfume! haha. its pink! pretty in pink. if i am counting my days to see mak gee and abg fiz, then i am actually counting towards the day that my results will come out. the nightmare. semester three equals to a big major disaster. ohh, nvr mind. i will study harder for my last semester! sorry guys to bring that up but i cant help it.

aight, gtg. tia wants to use the laptop. i cant wait for GG ep 12. nate baby, you are so HOT. and blair, u're my ultimate idol( sorry hilary), for now. hahahaha.

the cone of silence.

2.06am .

i cant sleep tonite.. im finally going back tmoro. my little sister is in pain and she can barely sleep now. i dont know what to do. she has problems with her legs and all i can do is ease her pain. sorry adek. i cant do much. anyway, she had fun today , skating with a friend while i , was friend-less. he could not make it because apparently, it's his mom's bday. so , ok. acceptable. he rang late at nite out of guiltiness i guess but nvr once did i hear the word sorry. i should have known. boring topic, i know.on the other hand, about mr K, i have moved on but somehow, i dont like the fact that he is now in facebook. i'll be checking on him and when the page notifies me, ill be cancelling and delaying whatever it is that im doing and i'll rush to his page. so much for moving on la kan. i dont feel a thing but i feel the urgency to know his whereabouts. one thing for sure, i cannot beat her in every way. far far far away, still, she wins. ok. i should keep that in mind. dont think and i will not get hurt. i hv a long way to go. i need to start packing my stuff because its all over the place. i went to sunway just now and i met like HALF OF UITM kot. haha. people people, i met 'demand'. she was berkepiting with another guy and walking with 2 girls. hahaha. the question is ' where's supply' hahaha. haih, i had lunch at carl's jr and my table as behind the accountancy's students of uitm. kecik la hai kl ni. i miss the kids. they're gone for the day.
balik umah msg2. haha. i miss them la pulak especially nia. she's like so cute and she was the one who was in me . haha. weird , i know. kids, they couldnt care less.

before i go, i wanna say hye to all the people that i miss :

mama and papa, i miss u. im coming back in less than 48 hrs. haha
nana, stop menggataling sgt. i thought u guys are in 'rehab'
alyh, jaga nana.
mysara, you'll get your info on wednesday over bfast ok? pick me at 10am sharp!
pu3, have fun at btn. wahaha.
ct, i know you're having fun with the snow falling down. haha.
iye, awat snyap ja??
anushia, where are u la dey?
aiman allam and supphansa, STUDY!
to all my cousins , dtg la ampang. kte g suzies! haha.
to all my melati hommies
( alya, qila, syaza, lynn, aisya, min, yana, lzr, izzah, fafa, shrifah, liy, hanis, zira, hannah and maryam)
i miss u guys. simpan cte byk2 and we'll hv story session during the first month of fourth semester okeyh? hahaha.

24th of november.

its been a while and i feel like its hanging. so for the past 18 months, its been hanging with no strings attached? i dont know but i know i'll nvr find out bout it soon. i'm going out today and not following the rest of the troops to Port dickson for a picnic today. i really wanna go but athirah insisted on going to sunway for a skating trip. since i'm in KL for her, so i'll just follow her wants.
i asked her yesterday, what if i wanna study abroad for real, and she goes ' NO. i wont allow you to go. you're the only one, abg min' hmm, how do i respond to that? those were her exact words. when i said i was being serious, she said she is as well. aiman will be going for his National Service on the 27th of dec until 11th of March, which i think is a bit longer compared to mine because mine started on the 1st and ended on the 11th of March. which means that my mom will be left only with athirah and my dad. she'll be lonely and how can i just leave her. i cant . and probably i might be going back regularly just to check on her, next semester. i miss u mama! i am stuck now in the hse , since i hv to wait for someone to send us to the lrt. yes, he proved that for him, family is the utmost important thing but why doesnt that give him a bonus point ?? haha. probably like i said before, i nvr looked at u THAT way, and i know i nvr will.

calling for ABCs

i miss home terribly. i do go out all the time but its not the same like being at home. we went to the gardens last night and had italianies for dinner. the food was ok, not great. i hv had better pastas at some other place in bangsar. the point is, its not that we dont go out. i do go out with my cousins but its not the same because i feel like for the past 10 months i've been spending time with families which is great but i just need my friends right now. i miss my UITM friends as well. the finals have brought us much much closer.

anyways, now that i dont have much to think about other than my social life, i am feeling everything to the finest. like the most tedious thing will affect me, would irritate me and i really dont need that. usually, my books will be there for me and will NEVER let me down. i can hold them for hours and they will be there. i nvr thought i'd say that but i think its true. where are my story books when i need them??! my english is going hay wire and its getting crappier by the minutes. i should start reading the dictionaries but i dont have my partner, calling for YANA. hahaa. books are like my glue. they hold me together. weird sentence.

the 10 kids in this room are playing hide and seek. one of them is hiding in me. hahahaha. seriously, like in me. hahaa. i'll be home in less than 72 hours , i'll be fine. and i'll be seeing a friend of mine tmoro. we'll see how it goes even if i dun feel a thing. i'll just put my happy face mode tmoro.

just another day of my holiday.

i woke up today at 11am and i jumped straight to the computer. it's just one of those days that i wont be doing anything else except watch the tv and sit in front of the laptop. i am dreaming about being at home with my friends laughing our asses off from the useless things we'll be doing. but another friend wont be around as he's attending his sisters graduation in sh alam. my stay in kedah will not be complete if i dun see him and i hope he'll be back on time or perhaps i'll be seeing him here, in KL. i wonder what made me put up with him all these while. he's weird, most of the time. acting all macho-like all the time. he's cool but not cool like zac efron thingy. he's like trying to be cool in front of his pals that he doesnt act like a gentleman at all. i really wonder what is it that i am so attached to him. he makes me laugh but he's not as funny as kery. haha. here comes the comparison.enough with that, i woke up today and i searched for hilary duff's interview with ryan seacrest. i like it when she talks to ryan because she'd say personal things. haha. i am glad that i do hear from her because she's getting a little bored. she's starring in the new NBC's sitcom and i cant wait. i went to KLCC yesterday and i found myself reluctant to buy her cd. its just another greatest hits. she just had one before and now it's another one??! come on, hilary. you can do so much better than this. the song holiday is nice but then again, there's only 2 new tracks. haihhh. i need new obsession. haha. TWILIGHT! i like that kristin steward but i LIKE robert pattison. omg. as ryan said, awkwardly handsome. haha. he's hot but the fact that he is a vampire is definitely a bonus!
talking about this, nana suggested that we should take a year break from all the guys and re-structure ourselves. i'd do it if im not happy with myself but i am quite pleased. i may wanna shed a few pounds and i wanna do something with my hair but that's about it. i should take a shower now, i stink!

ps: cant wait for jakarta! yey.

untouched.

i am trying to feel something here but i cant!
oh mann, he's coming over this weekend and i dont feel anything?
i need to be inspired. urghhhh.

2247, lrg pipit, tmn mutiara as.

god, i miss home man. nothing much i can do now but think about home, home and home. i miss home so much. i wanna be in my bedroom. a few adjustments need to be made. i wanna sleep in my bed. i wanna be with my pillows. i wanna kemas all my cupboards. i wanna lap all the tingkap and shelves. i need to be at home. i wanna bug aiman. i wanna kacau my mom with ' mama, mama' all the time. i want to bg susu kat my kucing and this is sincere. i wanna go lepak. i wanna see sarah before she goes away. i wanna see phc 484 all around town. i wanna pay my phone bills at the kiosk in front of kancut. i wanna go to cp eventhough its like crap there. i wanna go the playground. i wanna join nana n mysara for their morning run. i wanna watch E! at home while eating my spicy drummet i fried for lunch. i wanna go to mny and buy nothing. i wanna go jln2 with zakian and sit at the corner of the street gossipping. i wanna petik rmbutan kat umah azam. i wanna see my handsome neighbour. i need to be at home , most importantly because i miss home dearly.

a joke for all of us to laugh at.

finally, i have ended my nightmares. it did not go smoothly and it was a disaster. my two last papers were terrible. my used to be fave subj, far has now turned into this monsterous subject that i fear most. i went inside the hall, Annexe at 2pm with a really heavy heart. i knew something was wrong. i opened the exam papers and my guts were deemed correct. the questions were out of our league. no, i dont know what's the accounting treatment when you want to sell of your treasury shares. do u add up the share premium acc? or do you make it neutral back and sell it off like i dunno. seriously, i dnt know and as much as i would like to say i dont care, i would be lying bcoz i do care. i need to know bcoz i will be an accountant someday, Insya Allah. SOMEDAY?!

i asked my friends what course should i take if i decide that i want to change to another major. they laughed. but what if i was serious?

the thing that led me to all these thoughts was, as i remembered, the last time i cried after any paper was during PMR. it was science paper 2. i couldnt answer it badly, i starred at the paper, blankly and what happened next was a few tears dropped. and that was sort of the turning point where i knew, i will nvr do well in science streams. but last sunday, i was doing the paper and i was shivering at the same time. i was thinking back and fourth, am i the only one who cannot think right now, the only one who thinks that this paper is hard it as hell, am i the only one who will be repeating it. as a result, i couldnt focus. doing any accounts is like playing a game for me, thats how i portrayed it. so if i am not having fun while i play my games now, why should i be playing it any more?

i am not a person who gives up easily but if one could feel how down i was feeling the other day, i bet they would say the same thing. haih, personally i think i would ruin my own personal achivement if i scored anything else other than an A , but my friends say that we would be lucky enough if we get a C. thats how bad it is. i think so too.

enough with all of that, the holidays have just kicked in. i just realised that i dun have that much days to enjoy. more holidays means more family obligations.

great escape. hahahahahahha

i need to go away for a while kan, then only you would notice that i am here actually, ALL ALONG!
we'll see. urgh. i nvr thought u would disturb me this much. byk ni kacau ni. klu xdpt A+ for my accounts , its you fault. haha. BUT i will not let you be the reason. u're not worth it. not worth enough. even though i am miserable like hell tonite, i need to get back with my studies. i need to fly away, away from the current problems. a friend said its much easier studying abroad. i wanna try that. xla dok kat menare smpi kul 4 pg ni hah. haha. aite. i gotta go and read a book now. cash flow pulak. confusing topic. but if i ace that thing, i can get away from mr just be friends. hahaha. he lost that t shirt. shows that he doesnt care. whatevr laaaaaa. ok. ttyl.

ps: i think i sound like a 2 year old. hahaha. i just miss u ok.

anis family = chaos!

today, 14th of november.
12.28pm.

right then, u gave me reasons on why i shouldnt care anymore.
just a simple message saying ' none of your businesss' says it all.
i should always keep that in mind.
i should never care anymore.
i know it's just a figure of speech by then, but how i had to swallow
those words during the time that u said it clearly, was quite painful.
so , listen, every time i think i may be falling for you,
u make it obvious that have there's no solid reasons on why should i like you.
u are just a selfish jerk. thank you for that.
seriously, thank you .

now, i should get back to my accounts and settle Savvy's Sdn Bhd published accounts.
it may not be fun but at least it'll help me to get through my nights knowing that there are so
many other important things in life other than a young retarded boy who's ego is just as high as an inch but acts like it's higher than any mountains in this universe.

good nite.

debentures and bonds?

here's a thought, when do u know that u have made a right decision?

how do u even differentiate between the right and the wrong.
my mom has always taught me to go with your instinct and right at this particular moment, my instinct is telling me to go study and not think about anything else. haha.
anyway, how do u really know?
my life has always been on the right track even when i was a little child.
my mom nurtured me with good values and the important things like, cleaning up, mopping, vacuuming, laundry and stuff. thats a very important lesson in life as u go along and when u're living on your own. she allows me to go out even though when i was much younger , we don't really see eye to eye on things like how i choose my friends, how i divide my time on studies and tvs, and how i used to not pray and how she nagged about it. haha.
* my mom just called. mama mama*
i can still remember vividly her exact face when i told her i went out with Bulan for the first time.
hahahaha. her expressions was priceless.
at that time, i bet she thought that i would tell her before i went out on my first date.
hell no, i bet she'd say no and she'd make a big fuss out of it. haha
i'll get teased like now!
so, how do i know i've made the right decisions?
certain actions i took left me with its own consequences.
for instance, i did not study for my MYOB's exam and now i have no certificate like everyone else. was i dissapointed with my own actions? YES.
i cant complain much about it though.
i did things to make me feel happy at that moment without thinking about my happiness later!
i just need to know now, how do u define the rights and the wrongs.
i feel like my world doesnt feel right , right now.
something is missing but i cant find the missing piece. t
i know i used to say that i'll be happy if i can study abroad but i am pausing any thoughts
of going because how can i ever be sure that i'll be happy there??
i've been away from a month but will i survive if it is 2 months?
my mom calls me at least 3 times a day, can i make it through the day without her checking on me?
i am so unsure about my life right now or perhaps this is just the exams blues talking.
either way, i need to find my source of unhappiness.
u do make me happy and u make me feel comfortable.
u make me feel stable and i think i need to get out from my comfortable zone
and stable state.
i need to find excitement.
u provide me stability, not excitement.
hambar.

the oldest yet he is still the baby.

that is my older brother, Adam who is now 23 , my god, dah bole kawin but i somehow pity the future wife. hahaha. he is under the apprenticeship of MAS.he is staying in Subang but acts like he is 1000 miles away from me. i know, the picture here is a bit disturbing sebab dia tangkap sndiri but this is among the latest with his hair long. he likes girls in general. his motto in life is all about money, work and girls. they are the sources of is problem. haha. anyway, he will be sitting for his oral test for his license. so, i am trying to be a good sister here and wish him all the best! you will pass your test , abdam so u'll get more money and i can have some! ahaha.

lil brat.....

that is my one and only sister. her name is athirah anis. she is 12 years old with the brain of a 40 year old. she talks a lot. haha. she claims that she's in love with nick jonas. uhhuh. she sees miley cyrus as her role model. and not forgetting, jasmin anis as her main idol. she complains a lot and very picky about food. she studied for her big exams as if it is her SPM. i wonder why??! she has sit for her UPSR and is waiting for the results in less than 2 days. i know she'll do fine because my adek is smart. ( not as smart as i am, but she'll make it ) haha. good luck adek!

one of the...

that is my lil brother that i hardly talk about. haha. his name is aiman. he loves photography. he sleeps all the time. he's tall. he has a steady gf at the tender age of 15 ( thats like the main reason why we talk because i'm close to the gf) . so he is sitting for his SPM this year and i wish him all the best. PROVE US WRONG AIMAN! good luck.

2 more to go!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! i just feel like screaming. i have just finished my most crucial paper( i think so because the lecturer is so like urgh, ohhh miss nazida nazri oiii ) which is LAW 240. i will now salute all the lawyers because they have to hafal all the statutory acts, the thousands of cases, the whatever laaa kan ade kat law merepek tu. accountancy VS law, accountancy shall prevail! ahahaha. nothing much is going on around here except for the finals. day in and day out, we are still studying non stop. we do have a life on our own, its just that during the finals, it stopped! i was hoping to get a day off for tmoro, but if i were to stop studying, then my studying plan for these two days are ruined.suddenly, i just feel like numbering my thoughts.
haha.

1. i think i did badly for a few of my finals, like MAF 280 and BEL 311. the thoughts of these
2 papers gave me nightmares and the fact that i will be having MAF and BEL till i graduate is
super scary.

2. why BEL? because of the citation thingy. i dont get it.
3. i will be working with my cousin at his accounting firm next week for at least, 5 days.
4. since i will be in KL on the 21st, i can definitely catch the TWILIGHT. yey!
5. i cant wait for the long long long holidays to come.
6. guys, wait for me if u guys have any naughty plans, such as i dunno what, u tell me..
7. i will have to retain from being naughty or extra naughty this holiday because that will lead me to trouble.
8. i am reading someone else's blog and god, how lame mine is. haha
9. i am still mad at someone. i am trying my best to keep my cool but i am afraid it will
just explode once i see that person.
10. i am trying to lead a healthy life, trying to cure my migraine. so this holiday,
you guys ( nana, yah, mysara, pu3, iye and if there's anushia) will help me !
11. i hope this will be the last holiday that i'll spent with puteri because, even if it means i will miss her like hell for the next few years, at least i know she made it through
her A- Levels.
12. i will have to help my mom with her hantaran because the hantaran is for my friend's family.
it would be unfair for her to do it alone, i guess.
13. i better sleep now. i am planning to wake up at around 12pm. and not later or earlier by a minute to that. ahah
14. goodnite. someone is having fun at the karouke's tonite. no one i know, calls it karok. only u!